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Dinner Discussions That Wreck Families
00:05:49
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| What subjects are the most likely to wreck your family Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving dinner? | |
| So this was published right before Thanksgiving. | |
| And then I did a show on this. | |
| That's one of the great beauties of talk radio. | |
| I was going to say, this is a tangent, but it's worth just noting, you know how lucky you are. | |
| To talk to all these wonderful people that you get to interview. | |
| I do? | |
| Julie Hartman? | |
| Yes. | |
| Oh, yes, of course. | |
| It is a gift of this profession. | |
| Gift. | |
| That many of them are terrific people. | |
| Oh, absolutely. | |
| And callers. | |
| I mean, when I guest host your show, I learn so much from callers. | |
| So I bounce this thing off callers. | |
| So I'm going to ask you, this is great. | |
| What do you think, maybe they're wrong. | |
| I'm not, this was not. | |
| You know, given by God to Moses, but maybe they're right. | |
| What do you think they listed as the single greatest dinner wrecker subject? | |
| And who's they again? | |
| I don't know. | |
| New York Times, Wall Street Journal. | |
| No, no. | |
| Believe it or not, this was neutral. | |
| I mean, I would say politics. | |
| That's what I would have said. | |
| It's exactly what I would have said. | |
| Correct. | |
| Or religion, not because I... No, that was lower on the list. | |
| It was on the list, but it was lower than politics. | |
| The number one thing is politics. | |
| So what did they say? | |
| That was number two. | |
| I was actually surprised at number one, but when I bounced it off listeners, it was a lot of verification. | |
| Family issues. | |
| Oh my gosh, well... | |
| I mean, that's a given, but I wouldn't... | |
| Well, why is it a given? | |
| I mean, it's not a given. | |
| You guessed politics, and I guessed politics. | |
| I just think that is so off-limits that people wouldn't even... | |
| Yeah, but it's not, but that's the point. | |
| If it's the biggest single problem subject at a holiday meal, it's not a given. | |
| That's why it's so interesting. | |
| And to you and me, maybe I can't speak for you. | |
| Seriously, in this case, I don't know. | |
| I said... | |
| Who the hell is going to raise family issues at their Thanksgiving or Christmas meal? | |
| You would think so. | |
| What kind of nut? | |
| You're going to bring up crappy family problems at this once or twice a year lunch or dinner? | |
| This is a whole Dennis and Julie episode onto its own, but there are some people in the world who just can't control themselves. | |
| In many different ways. | |
| That is a good... | |
| In many, many different ways. | |
| That's an example. | |
| That is an example. | |
| And you know what? | |
| We tend to think of people who lack control as those who overeat, those who overdrink, those who are addicted to cigarettes. | |
| But no, there are people who cannot emotionally regulate themselves or cannot read the room and put... | |
| Other people. | |
| I have not shaken your hand. | |
| I know. | |
| We've never done this on Dennis and Julie. | |
| In two years of this. | |
| I know. | |
| That's a moment. | |
| That is such a wonderfully placed point. | |
| Oh. | |
| Well, it's huge. | |
| And as I get older, it's endlessly fascinating to me to observe those people where the desire to pick a fight. | |
| To be combative, to be contrarian is something that has control over them and not something that they can control. | |
| But you made, you're superb, but you added a double which caused me to shake your hand. | |
| Can't read the room. | |
| That is such a big deal, can't read the room. | |
| Like, you're not, wait a minute. | |
| You're not aware that if you raise that subject, it's the end of the joy of this holiday dinner? | |
| And I used to think that... | |
| Well, it's interesting because I think there are some people who really just have a blind spot. | |
| Like, they don't realize that bringing up that subject is going to... | |
| Wreak havoc on the dinner or cause other people to be uncomfortable. | |
| But I actually think that there are just as many, if not more, people who actually do realize that it will wreak havoc on the dinner and do it anyway. | |
| And are pleased to do that. | |
| Yes. | |
| And it's this weird, like, I don't know. | |
| We would need Dr. Marmer here to add to the conversation for what the psychoanalytic reason for such a behavior is. | |
| I marvel at it. | |
| I know you so well, and obviously I know me so well, and I know that both of us, we are constantly surveilling ourselves. | |
| Yes, and the environment. | |
| Yes, am I talking too long? | |
| Are people bored? | |
| Are people uncomfortable? | |
| Do they want me to, you know? | |
| And you do it in a good way. | |
| I do it in an intensely self-critical way. | |
| But the point is, I think the definition of manners is making other people feel comfortable. | |
| And especially at a Thanksgiving dinner or holiday dinner, you have to be aware of that. | |
| So what you're saying as well, this is really a worthy discussion, you're saying as well, and I totally agree, the individual who raises some family issue is a narcissist. | |
| I care about it. | |
| I don't care if it ruins this meal for all eight of you. | |
| I... Well, or even there might be a worse, maybe I want to ruin this meal. | |
| And by the way, I want to make clear why I think that is a possibility. | |
| There are two types of unhappy people. | |