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Jan. 29, 2021 - Dennis Prager Show

07:26

Giving Advice is Not Always Helpful...

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	So, I'll give you an example.
	Giving them advice, unless you have been through it, or deal with it, is not a great idea.
	Oh, you know, you just, you gotta get involved, or, you know, just get some hobbies now.
	Distract yourself.
	They don't want advice from people who haven't lost a child.
	Let's talk about people who lost a child.
	I intuited this a long time ago in my life that the last thing a person who lost a child wants to hear is somebody who didn't lose a child tell them some philosophical or even theological Your child is in a better place.
	This is meant by well-intentioned religious people, usually Christian.
	And the parent who is grieving the loss of their child, it doesn't reduce their loss to know that the child is in a better place even if they believe it.
	But it's like...
	Frank Pastore, when he died in a motorcycle accident, he was hit by a car.
	I loved Frank Pastore.
	And I saw him every day, every weekday, because he used this studio, which I broadcast for his national Christian show.
	There are two videos with Frank Pastore, is that correct?
	The guy was a major league pitcher, Cincinnati Reds.
	Became a major, I mean major, theologian.
	We take top people for PragerU videos.
	His videos on arguments for God's existence affected me, and I've been making those arguments all of my life.
	I spoke at Frank Pastore's memorial service, and many of the truly wonderful people, and I knew many of them, Who spoke about Frank being in a better place now.
	Frank obviously was a committed Christian and a beautiful Christian.
	And here I was, you know, a Jew.
	Not that I was introduced.
	I'm now a Jew.
	I was introduced because they knew I loved him and I saw him every day.
	I saw him probably second only to his wonderful, spectacular wife.
	And I wrote for whose book I wrote a forward to.
	So I said at the memorial service, Frank is at a better place, but we're not.
	And his family isn't, and his friends aren't.
	they're not fully related items.
	You know, it's...
	You know, his wife, you know, doesn't have Frank anymore.
	It's good to believe that he's in a better place, and I do.
	But it doesn't lessen the loss to us.
	So there are things, to say to somebody who just lost a child, oh, well, she's in a better place, is not, I don't think, is comforting.
	I'll tell you what I do think works.
	So I was speaking to a man, this is years ago, and I was speaking to a man who lost his son when the son was 21 years old in a car crash.
	And what I said was, I asked a question.
	I find asking questions in these instances is far better than making any statement whatsoever.
	And so I said, I'm just wondering, has anything helped you with this grief?
	And I would say this was probably 10 years after the accident.
	And he said, let me tell you, only one thing.
	I tried therapy, did not help.
	I tried religion, did not help.
	Only one thing helped.
	And I was obviously dying to hear what that was.
	Meeting with other parents whose child died.
	And the second he said it, it made perfect sense.
	Remember I've said to you, true empathy is not possible in the human condition.
	It's not possible.
	You can have sympathy, but empathy is almost impossible.
	Can I empathize with a person who was tortured?
	Of course not.
	In fact, it's so hard to experience the pain of others, you can't even experience your own pain.
	There was a time that I had such back pain, I was in a wheelchair at airports.
	I was wheeled from the gate.
	I could walk, but not distances.
	I mean, I'm perfectly fine now.
	I'm one of the lucky people.
	Whose back surgeries have been 100% successful.
	I work out three days a week.
	That's how good my back is now.
	But I can't empathize with my own pain, let alone somebody else's.
	I know that I had terrible pain.
	I can't.
	It's just the way it works in life.
	Asking him what worked, that was good.
	That's a good one.
	So, I'm talking to you today.
	It's not a happy topic, but it can decrease human pain by knowing what to say and what not to say to someone who has lost a child or a spouse or another equivalent loss.
	Your input will help people know how to talk.
	1-8 Prager.

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