| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Advice for Grieving
00:03:56
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|
| So, I'll give you an example. | |
| Giving them advice, unless you have been through it, or deal with it, is not a great idea. | |
| Oh, you know, you just, you gotta get involved, or, you know, just get some hobbies now. | |
| Distract yourself. | |
| They don't want advice from people who haven't lost a child. | |
| Let's talk about people who lost a child. | |
| I intuited this a long time ago in my life that the last thing a person who lost a child wants to hear is somebody who didn't lose a child tell them some philosophical or even theological Your child is in a better place. | |
| This is meant by well-intentioned religious people, usually Christian. | |
| And the parent who is grieving the loss of their child, it doesn't reduce their loss to know that the child is in a better place even if they believe it. | |
| But it's like... | |
| Frank Pastore, when he died in a motorcycle accident, he was hit by a car. | |
| I loved Frank Pastore. | |
| And I saw him every day, every weekday, because he used this studio, which I broadcast for his national Christian show. | |
| There are two videos with Frank Pastore, is that correct? | |
| The guy was a major league pitcher, Cincinnati Reds. | |
| Became a major, I mean major, theologian. | |
| We take top people for PragerU videos. | |
| His videos on arguments for God's existence affected me, and I've been making those arguments all of my life. | |
| I spoke at Frank Pastore's memorial service, and many of the truly wonderful people, and I knew many of them, Who spoke about Frank being in a better place now. | |
| Frank obviously was a committed Christian and a beautiful Christian. | |
| And here I was, you know, a Jew. | |
| Not that I was introduced. | |
| I'm now a Jew. | |
| I was introduced because they knew I loved him and I saw him every day. | |
| I saw him probably second only to his wonderful, spectacular wife. | |
| And I wrote for whose book I wrote a forward to. | |
| So I said at the memorial service, Frank is at a better place, but we're not. | |
| And his family isn't, and his friends aren't. | |
| they're not fully related items. | |
| You know, it's... | |
| You know, his wife, you know, doesn't have Frank anymore. | |
|
Asking Questions Matters
00:03:43
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|
| It's good to believe that he's in a better place, and I do. | |
| But it doesn't lessen the loss to us. | |
| So there are things, to say to somebody who just lost a child, oh, well, she's in a better place, is not, I don't think, is comforting. | |
| I'll tell you what I do think works. | |
| So I was speaking to a man, this is years ago, and I was speaking to a man who lost his son when the son was 21 years old in a car crash. | |
| And what I said was, I asked a question. | |
| I find asking questions in these instances is far better than making any statement whatsoever. | |
| And so I said, I'm just wondering, has anything helped you with this grief? | |
| And I would say this was probably 10 years after the accident. | |
| And he said, let me tell you, only one thing. | |
| I tried therapy, did not help. | |
| I tried religion, did not help. | |
| Only one thing helped. | |
| And I was obviously dying to hear what that was. | |
| Meeting with other parents whose child died. | |
| And the second he said it, it made perfect sense. | |
| Remember I've said to you, true empathy is not possible in the human condition. | |
| It's not possible. | |
| You can have sympathy, but empathy is almost impossible. | |
| Can I empathize with a person who was tortured? | |
| Of course not. | |
| In fact, it's so hard to experience the pain of others, you can't even experience your own pain. | |
| There was a time that I had such back pain, I was in a wheelchair at airports. | |
| I was wheeled from the gate. | |
| I could walk, but not distances. | |
| I mean, I'm perfectly fine now. | |
| I'm one of the lucky people. | |
| Whose back surgeries have been 100% successful. | |
| I work out three days a week. | |
| That's how good my back is now. | |
| But I can't empathize with my own pain, let alone somebody else's. | |
| I know that I had terrible pain. | |
| I can't. | |
| It's just the way it works in life. | |
| Asking him what worked, that was good. | |
| That's a good one. | |
| So, I'm talking to you today. | |
| It's not a happy topic, but it can decrease human pain by knowing what to say and what not to say to someone who has lost a child or a spouse or another equivalent loss. | |
| Your input will help people know how to talk. | |
| 1-8 Prager. | |