Dennis Prager Show - What is the Greatest Threat to a Happy Marriage?
Aired: 2020-12-16
Duration: 07:17


=== Taking Spouses for Granted (06:50) ===

[00:00:00]  If one spouse has contempt for the other, that's pretty much the end of the marriage.
[00:00:08]  Either de facto or de jure.
[00:00:12]  In fact, or by law, or both.
[00:00:15]  Okay, but what's the greatest threat to a marriage that does not necessarily lead to divorce, but certainly leads...
[00:00:30]  To a defective marriage.
[00:00:34]  It's related.
[00:00:35]  It's not entirely the same as contempt.
[00:00:39]  It's a step below and far more common.
[00:00:43]  So are you ready?
[00:00:47]  Taking your spouse for granted.
[00:00:53]  That's a real danger and it just happens.
[00:00:58]  It can happen.
[00:01:00]  Over time.
[00:01:02]  Familiarity breeds contempt, though I'm not going to use the C word, contempt, because that's the obvious marriage killer.
[00:01:14]  What does taking for granted mean?
[00:01:18]  When you fell in love, presumably you fell in love with the person you married to, I'll bet you felt you were lucky to get them As a spouse, as a husband or a wife.
[00:01:32]  Is that fair to say?
[00:01:35]  If you don't think you're lucky to have gotten this person, I don't think you should marry them.
[00:01:44]  I mean, there are cultures, and most of history, people did not even pursue being lucky to find somebody.
[00:01:52]  It was arranged by parents, by society.
[00:01:59]  People live that way, and some marriages I have no doubt worked out.
[00:02:06]  But in our time, wherein one chooses whom to marry for oneself, then most people feel lucky to have gotten the person.
[00:02:28]  Right?
[00:02:30]  If I'd ask anybody at their wedding, are you lucky to have her?
[00:02:35]  Are you lucky to have him?
[00:02:39]  99% would say yes.
[00:02:41]  Maybe 90%, maybe 10% don't feel it and have misgivings about getting married, which I've covered as well.
[00:02:49]  How many people walk down the aisle not sure?
[00:02:52]  Or with regrets or with fears?
[00:02:55]  Okay, so putting them aside.
[00:02:57]  Most people think that they are lucky to have found the person and that the person is now married to them.
[00:03:09]  The trick in marriage, and there are a lot of tricks, so to speak, is to maintain that sense of I am lucky to have her, I am lucky to have him.
[00:03:26]  One way to do it is to sort of say it to yourself, and ideally to the other, regularly.
[00:03:37]  And if you catch yourself not saying it, or saying it much less than you did at the beginning, that's a danger sign for your marriage.
[00:03:51]  And it feeds on itself because if you stop thinking that and start taking the person for granted, they'll just be there.
[00:04:01]  There's nothing I need to do.
[00:04:04]  That's a bad sign.
[00:04:08]  That's the other part of taking the person for granted is the first part was thinking you're lucky.
[00:04:15]  The second part is...
[00:04:17]  If you take something for granted, then you don't work to maintain it.
[00:04:23]  Correct?
[00:04:26]  It's very simple.
[00:04:27]  You take it for granted.
[00:04:30]  Listen, by the way, this applies to friendship too.
[00:04:34]  If you take friends for granted and don't work to maintain the friendship, then that too will ultimately die.
[00:04:43]  You can't take friends for granted.
[00:04:46]  No matter how much I ignore them or whatever it might be, you have to feel lucky to have the friends you have.
[00:04:58]  I have a man on the street.
[00:05:01]  Sir, do you feel lucky to have the friends you have?
[00:05:05]  Lucky doesn't even cover it.
[00:05:07]  That's very touching.
[00:05:10]  That is very touching.
[00:05:11]  I'm not kidding.
[00:05:14]  Because you don't usually get emotional statements from the living martyr.
[00:05:17]  I feel that way, and he knows I feel that way.
[00:05:23]  By the way, take your health for granted.
[00:05:25]  You won't maintain that.
[00:05:27]  Taking for granted anything is a serious danger.
[00:05:36]  1-8 Prager 776-877-243-7776.
[00:05:42]  Taking anything for granted means that you don't work at it.
[00:05:58]  That you're not, and not only that, it also means that you don't really think it's special.
[00:06:11]  They're all tied into one another.
[00:06:14]  Feeling lucky.
[00:06:18]  Every day I'm healthy, I think I'm lucky.
[00:06:22]  I do.
[00:06:26]  Because luck is a huge factor.
[00:06:29]  I take care of myself, but luck is a huge factor.
[00:06:33]  I don't know if there's anything I could do to prevent pancreatic cancer or ALS or other things, and I know people...

=== A Voice Kept Alive (00:41) ===

[00:06:41]  A dear friend of mine, a beautiful human being, just died of ALS. I adored this man.
[00:06:51]  He and his spectacular wife would come on cruises with me, even with his ALS, which was kept under control remarkably well for quite some time.
[00:07:01]  And, you know, he spoke.
[00:07:02]  He couldn't move around, but he spoke completely coherently.
[00:07:07]  He was a joy.
[00:07:10]  He wanted to live life to its fullest.
[00:07:13]  I wonder if he was booked on the cruise that was canceled because of the lockdowns.