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Dec. 3, 2020 - Dennis Prager Show
05:58
Relationship Expert Alison Armstrong with Advice During the Lockdown
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You see things that others don't see.
And I love that about it.
And it has helped a lot of my listeners on the Male Female Hour.
But I have asked you if we could do something different.
And that is, folks, call in.
Because I would like you to hear Allison, and I would like to hear her, on all sorts of different subjects with regard to men and women.
So call in now.
Whatever, if you've ever heard something from her that you want to ask or from me and you'd like to ask her or just want to ask some issue in your own relationship or your own stupefaction about the other sex.
I don't understand.
Why do?
Yes, why do women do X? Why do men do Y? That is exactly right.
1-8 Prager 776. 877-243-7776 is the number.
Tell me, do you think, while people are calling in, do you think that the lockdown has had a net negative impact, positive impact, or no net impact on marriages?
Oh, boy.
A net negative, positive.
I think it...
I've been trying to keep a list, you know.
I distinguish between the coronavirus itself and the reaction to the coronavirus.
Yeah, that's why I said lockdown.
Yeah, and I try to keep track of casualties and benefits.
In a way, you know, and I mourn the casualties and I celebrate the benefits.
And honestly, on relationships, it's really been what people have been determined to make out of it.
And I've tried to help as much as I can.
I think, I mean, we gave away over 6,000 copies of our Understanding Women course right at the beginning, and you helped me do that just to, like, intervene, intervene quickly.
And some people are making miracles out of it.
They're closer, tighter, more in partnership.
And some people are just trying to escape it because our opposing instincts, I mean, they just make for a disaster.
If you're going to do what tension tells you to do, you're probably going to mess something up big time.
And that's why so much of my work is about becoming aware of what our instincts will have us do that's going to go right down the toilet.
So it's probably a net negative, just because humanity is mostly driven by instinct.
And what is the instinct that is driving them in this case?
Well, there's going to be a lot.
You know, safety through productivity versus safety through connection.
Those are always at odds with each other.
Because, you know, be quiet and get her done.
Let's get to work.
What's all this chit-chatting about?
So productivity and connection are odds, and women usually, men when you guys get older, will interrupt productivity in order to connect, and then that feels really disrespectful and frustrating to someone trying to get something done, and will interrupt connectivity in order to get something done, and that feels hurtful to a person who's trying to be seen, who's trying to...
To be known, to have that warm fuzziness.
And to those who are at dead odds, just bam, they cause problems from dawn to dark in every environment.
And then you can just build from there, like the instinct to conceal, which is a warrior instinct.
Conceal anything that can be used against me.
And then the instinct to be pleasing and accommodating so that you'll accept me and take care of me, right?
It's a heart instinct.
Those cause so many problems because on both sides, it has what I call don't ask and don't tell.
Do not ask for what you need.
Do not ask another person what they need.
Figure it out on your own.
Guess.
Try.
Don't tell someone you need.
Don't need anything because now you're revealing a weakness.
It'll be used against you.
So between just those two sets of opposites, I would say probably a good 50% of the conflicts that people have could be traced back to those two sets of opposing instincts.
And those opposing instincts, again, are...
I don't tell what I need?
Was that one of them?
Well, the result is don't ask, don't tell.
But it would be productivity, so production versus connection, right?
Productivity versus connectivity.
And it would be conceal versus reveal.
And the warrior instinct to conceal everything and the...
Oh boy.
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