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April 29, 2020 - Dennis Prager Show
07:26
Men and Women in Isolation: Male/Female Hr. Special w/ Alison Armstrong
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I am with the inimitable, not inscrutable, which is to her credit, by the way.
She is inimitable.
The only guest I have regularly, Alison Armstrong.
So I'm sure a lot of people are curious, how do they get your Understanding Men series?
You said that you're offering it?
Yeah, I'm giving it away for free.
Oh, we already put it up at DennisPrager.com.
Alright, we're ahead of you.
That's a big deal, folks.
This could change your relationship.
Absolutely.
This woman is brilliant.
I'm going to really ask you.
You're going to hate the question.
Okay.
Do you think that you have a gift of insight?
As in, if it's all I'm God-given, yes.
Nature-given, God-given, that you have an exceptional gift?
I know people fear sound.
You won't be conceited, in my opinion, if you say yes.
It's like if I ask a great singer, do you have an exceptional gift of singing?
It would be odd if they said no.
If they said no, why are they standing in front of an audience?
Anyway, look, I'll leave it at that.
You do.
You have it.
It's a gift.
You have a gift of an original mind.
So we're talking about men and women and relating while in isolation at this time.
And you made an unbelievably important distinction, which causes friction in some relationships.
And that is that she doesn't understand...
There are all these things to do with the house, and you're not doing any of them.
The honey-do, as you pointed out.
Honey-do this.
Gotcha.
It's a cute list, the honey-do list.
Okay.
But men, we men, and she's right, I admit it.
We men, the masculine, if you will, is, or if you walk your way, the testosterone-driven of the two sexes, is...
Is built to do big things.
And so it's not better and it isn't worse.
It just is.
Without details, the world falls apart.
Without big things, the world falls apart.
So we need the masculine and the feminine.
Is that fair?
Yeah, I would say we need single focus and we need diffuse awareness.
Excellent compliments to each other.
Okay, great.
When you don't try to change the other person.
Right.
All right.
So, by the way, that is part of the reason that men commit more suicide.
When men feel that they can't do something big.
Big doesn't mean that you get to be President of the United States, folks.
I want to make that clear.
But it is also different from taking the garbage out.
Which is as important as anything, because if the garbage isn't taken out, the house becomes rat infested.
So it's clearly the issue isn't significance.
It's direction.
Okay.
You mentioned two other arenas of possible friction at this time.
Go ahead.
Yes.
Yes.
And I realize it's a fourth when we were on break.
So the other one I mentioned is the difference between facts and feelings.
And the difference in...
Do men and women experience safety?
And in this situation, what do we need to protect ourselves from?
All right.
Let's do facts and feelings.
Okay.
So one of the things that a lot of people don't just understand that's very much at play all the time, but especially now, is that all information is not a fact.
Trust is information that comes from a trusted source.
So this is something that men say all the time.
Consider the source.
And so a big problem that we're having now is we have different trusted sources.
And usually our trusted sources are a member of our tribe.
So one of the most primitive sets of instincts we have, right?
Tribalism.
Very much at play.
If you have within the same household people who are debating facts, they're going to keep being disconnects, disconnects, disconnects, and upset and anger and frustration.
And every time there's a disconnect, a woman gets more scared.
So I've been teaching women to instead to listen to learn that if you're listening to your husband or the father of your children from the point of view, okay, there's what he's saying.
What matters to him?
What does he care about?
What's important to him?
So listening for his core values, if you want to say that, the heart of who he is.
If we're listening for what's important to you, we end up connecting.
Oh, that's why I married him.
It's not about, you know, are we debating is this good or that good?
What he's focused on is protecting our family.
He's focused on taking care of our future.
Focused on making sure we come out the other side of this as better off as we can be.
That's what he's doing.
Oh, I love him for that.
Yeah, if we're trying to get him to make us feel better, right?
He's going to try to make us feel better with information.
And information rarely makes women feel better.
Oh, that's so interesting.
That's fascinating.
So what makes women feel better if not information?
Well, it's interesting you brought up suicide because men will commit suicide when they think people are better off without them.
Women will commit suicide when they feel unseen.
And what makes women feel safe is they feel seen, they feel understood.
So if you listen to me tell you how I feel about this and you...
And you don't try to talk me out of feeling that way.
You're like, I really get it, honey.
Come here.
Do you want a hug?
Now I'll feel safe.
I'll feel better.
You saw me.
Hmm.
So that's, when we have the montage that opens the male-female hour, when, with, who is the woman?
Is it Elizabeth Hurley?
Who is the woman, Alan?
Who says, you know, men want to fix things, you know.
We'll call the bloke on the Essex Road.
Yeah, I know the actress, but her name is...
I think it is Elizabeth.
I still crack up after...
I know, exactly.
I still laugh at that montage.
Because it's so accurate.
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