Jesse Steele, a dating coach who turned skepticism into a career after a viral weekend at a boot camp, argues virgins—even career-driven or neurotic ones—can learn attraction in weeks by mastering psychology. Women’s commitment timelines vary from months to years based on lifestyle integration, but introverted types often cause the most heartbreak due to unpredictability. Steele warns against transactional dating (e.g., OnlyFans) and "simping," blaming white Christian men’s infidelity for societal shifts like blurred gender roles and financial independence in women, which he claims make long-term relationships statistically rare. Success hinges on emotional maturity, confidence, and ditching self-sabotaging habits, though systemic change remains unlikely without individual effort. [Automatically generated summary]
So, for those of you that have been watching my content for a while, you will know that about three or four years ago now, my entrance into the dating space was actually going to a dating boot camp for men.
So, this was a boot camp where like 10 guys get together, and for a weekend, they approach women at different bars, clubs, and there are coaches that give them best practices and just really help them with social skills and seduction, flirting skills.
And there was a coach there that weekend that really, at the time, I was very outside of the, I'd never really been to like a day club or like anything super crazy like that.
So, I'm there and I see this coach take home three girls in a weekend.
And it was kind of funny because before that, I, you know, I was like, we're not dating all the same guys.
That's not true.
And then I saw it.
So, this is Jesse that was the dating coach from that weekend.
So, I thought it'd be interesting.
He's been a dating coach for seven years now.
And I've seen firsthand he knows what he's doing.
So, I just thought I'd bring him on the show.
And if you guys have any questions, feel free to super chat.
And I will ask them to him.
And then we'll just have a conversation about what's going on in the dating market.
So, welcome to the show.
Thanks for having me, Pearl.
Really appreciate it.
Good to connect again after three, four years.
Yeah.
What did you think?
Sorry.
So, when I like I went that weekend, did you tell how like mind blown I was by this stuff?
I mean, you did say it verbally.
You're like, I can't believe yeah, I remember you saying it.
But yeah, you could definitely tell.
I think it's impossible.
Like, you think about it as a guy if you're watching, right?
And you say, it's impossible.
That never happened, something out of a movie or something, right?
But you saw it firsthand.
Well, and the crazy thing was, like, I had on a conservative guy like a week or two ago.
Right.
And he kept telling me that it's only Chads can like pick up women.
It's only like the very good-looking guys.
But what kind of surprised me like that weekend were some of the coaches weren't like super like, I'm not trying to, you know, talk, but it wasn't like they were the best-looking guys in the world.
They just kind of went for it.
Yeah.
They kind of just had the balls.
You have to do it.
That's half the battle.
Because you got to understand, too.
Like, I don't care what you look like as a guy.
There's a girl that's always going to say, oh, that's my type.
You know, but guys let the opportunity just pass by them.
So half the work is actually just having the balls to go up and say hi.
You know.
So how did you get into the dating space?
Yeah.
It's actually a funny story.
So it was through a friend of a friend.
I went to a convention, right?
And this guy, he knew another YouTuber, which I think you collapse at that point.
And that's how you and I met.
And he was like, hey, you're pretty good with girls.
Why don't you help me run this dating seminar?
And, you know, he'll pay you a little money on the side, whatever.
And so we ran that dating seminar.
From there, I was like, wait, I could do this better than the coaches out there.
I could teach you better.
And that's kind of how my journey started.
Yeah.
And it's interesting, too, because I think like people that aren't in this, and even me before I like went there, you would think it's just like the weirdest guys that go to this.
But there was like there's some but, but I was like, they're pretty normal, to be honest.
And it's kind of interesting because it really can be learned.
Yeah, it's a skill.
Yeah.
Right.
We're all products of our environment, whether you're introverted or extroverted.
And communication, attraction, all that is just kind of like there's a part of extroversion, right?
Making a girl feel comfortable, reducing her anxiety.
That's like more introverted side.
So it's all a skill.
Everything you learn is a skill.
And the average guy, if you look, if you go outside, you see the average guy, half of them are going to have issues with dating.
So it's very much an average guy's problem for sure.
So when you're doing dating coaching, what are like the archetypes of guys that tend to come to you?
So where do I start?
You have a few guys, but the two buckets we see the most is the guys who are inexperienced and they just want to have fun with girls.
They're like, hey, I've never had a girlfriend.
What's a relationship like?
Right?
They might still be virgins or, you know, they have no experience.
The other bucket is the guys who are looking for a long-term relationship.
They're like, hey, I got heartbroken.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm rusty.
Maybe they're in their 40s, heart divorce, whatever.
But they're actually looking for something serious.
So those are kind of like the two buckets that we get for guys.
And when you get guys that are virgins are close to it, close to it.
I don't know.
Some guys you meet, they've hooked up with one girl one time, something like that but um, what is the issue generally?
Is it like looks, they're just super unattractive.
Is it yeah, lack of social skills?
And is it worse with the younger guys because gen Z is more online?
No, you're gonna be, uh.
So yeah, that's a good question.
You're gonna be surprised by this.
But most of the guys who are virgins right now doesn't mean that they're terribly, you know, looking or that they don't have any social skills.
What happens right now is because dating is getting harder with time and social media and everything.
What's happening right now.
What we're seeing is you're seeing a lot of guys who are focused on their career in college.
Put their heads down, they go, have a good career and they're maybe mid-management or something like that, and they're like hey, i've been focused on my career so long I forgot i'm still virgin and that's like well, what's going on?
How old are they by the time?
They like look up reality, check, 25, 26.
Okay, right at that point you're like, okay, i'm 24, what's the average life expectancy?
74, yeah.
So at 37 you're middle age.
Basically yeah right 25, 26 is like, I have 10 years to have fun and find my wife, right.
So that's kind of what we see with virgins, most part now.
Okay, so it's just guys that are super career oriented.
Yeah, because I think the idea online when you hear about like incels is like these losers in their room, like a dark, you have a lot of those don't work, that don't do any.
Is that what you see at all too, or so?
So if you had to like, you get 10 virgins that come to you, how would you divide it generally?
So very much so, 50% of those are very much, I put my head down, I've been working, I forgot I had to lose my virginity, right?
The other half are, you could say they're kind of like more on the loser end, but a lot of them do have their shit together.
They just lack some social skills, they're scared, right?
They have some trauma that they're insecure, they lack confidence, right?
But it's actually pretty surprising because you think like virgins are those guys, but a lot of them are just normal guys who haven't put themselves out there.
So you might not know this, but when you go out, you might be talking to a virgin.
He doesn't seem like one, but he is, right?
Because he's afraid to make the move.
So it's surprising, but that's about the split that we see.
And how long does it usually take to get a virgin laid?
Three weeks.
Okay.
Is it that quick?
Yeah.
Three weeks.
For example, we connect online and you're like, hey, I've never, you know, lost, like, just touched a girl before.
It takes about three weeks.
Because you got to understand, they just don't understand women.
Right.
Once they understand, like, okay, how they think and stuff like that, it's pretty easy.
But if I see them in person, probably like six or seven days.
And are there any guys that just can't be helped?
Yeah.
And is it like a looks thing mindset?
No.
There has to be some that you're like, you're just not good looking.
I'm like, yeah, you're done for.
No, so.
Come on.
Be honest.
There's some guys, but it's not so much about the bad looks or anything.
It's like they're just lazy.
Oh, okay.
You know what I mean?
This is what I tell every guy.
It's like, if you work out, right?
If you take care of what you eat and then you're polished, you're well tailored, tailored clothes, you look good, you're going to be a seven for most girls.
You smell good, good haircut.
That's all it takes.
But a lot of guys are lazy and they can't even do that.
And so, I mean, as girls, they see him, they're like, oh, he doesn't even put effort into himself, right?
What does that say about a relationship with him?
Right.
So most guys are just lazy.
So it's more of a lazy thing for guys, more so.
I mean, sure, you'll get like, I mean, everything's a bug curve, right?
So you're going to have some guys that are, you know, pretty hard to fix, but usually you could up yourself, you know, one or two points by working on yourself.
So.
And what do you see in terms of like what type of girl?
Is it usually just like the super slutty girls?
They lose their virginity.
I'm just, I'm just wondering, like, who do you tell them to go for?
Do they start with a fat shit?
Like, they got to start somewhere, right?
Yeah.
They got to start somewhere.
So the thing is, right now the hookup culture is so prominent.
Yeah.
Right.
That I think the standard of being labeled, you know, like a slut or whatever has gotten more lenient because it's so prominent.
But just in general, no, they're losing it to like average chicks, right?
If he's 25, 26, she's probably around the same age, maybe a little younger.
They meet at a bar and then they hook up.
You know, that's kind of how it works.
It's not, she's not a massive, you know, slut or whatever, but she does, you know, engage in the hookup culture.
I do have clients who are like Christian, religious, stuff like that.
That's got to be tough to work with.
No.
I find that though, like, it's just when I talk to them, they can't really get through like the hookup culture stuff.
They don't have like resistance to it at all.
Right.
What do you mean by resistance?
Like, I find that a lot of them are kind of ridden with like guilt.
Like, they see it as like manipulation in a way.
Right.
I don't know if that's maybe I could be, I don't coach men, so I could be, you know.
Yeah.
So psychology and attraction, they're natural.
Right.
So it's just persuasion to a degree.
But the really the guys that are tough to work with, it's not because of their religious background or anything like that.
It's just if they're not coachable.
Got it.
Right?
Think about it like kids.
You can't coach like a kid at a little league.
It's like, oh, I can't work with this kid.
Right.
So, if they just are not coachable, they don't listen, they don't apply, those guys are hard to work with, right?
But from a religious standpoint, we approach them differently on how they should engage in the dating scene.
But there's some nuances to that, but overall, they are workable.
Probably some of my favorite people to work with.
Okay.
So, when it comes to like the guys that are like want to go from incel to like in a relationship, what's that process usually like?
Intel to like get married with kids or whatever.
So, this is what happens, right?
Because, I mean, how does a guy get turned into an incel, right?
It's overworking, right?
Yeah, so yeah, again, like on a bell curve, right?
The average guy, if he doesn't seek help, he's either gonna blame the world and himself and his flaws for not getting any girls, like, oh, well, that guy is super tall, that guy's super chatty, and I'm super short, or the world hates me, and you know, he just pity right victim mentality, or he goes the other way and he blames all women.
He's like, Oh, all women are whores, hypergamous, and you know what I mean, the whatever.
He turns into an incel or whatever.
But, um, so they either end up in those buckets that they don't fix themselves, right?
So, it's really hard to get them out of that.
The way you get them out of that is first by getting rid of those beliefs, saying, Okay, well, you're wrong, right?
Make him realize that, and then you count his small wins.
He has to get out there.
When they turn into incels, it's usually like a coping mechanism for them.
They say, Oh, well, all women are, you know, whatever, whores.
And then you're like, Well, are they?
Go approach that one.
You don't know.
Oh, I don't want to.
And then it's just a coping mechanism for them to avoid failure.
So, that's what happens.
You have to make them realize that.
And we do that through a phase, right?
Where we take them out and we make sure that we desensitize them to those approaches, making sure they realize, oh, women are actually cool, you know, because you guys are, right?
It's God's greatest invention.
So, it's like they have to realize that before they even think about hooking up with a girl or dating one.
So, it's hard, but what are the other like limiting beliefs that they have?
There's so, so many.
You got time going on?
Yeah, so many.
So, probably, I mean, physical insecurities are huge, right?
And you have to come to terms with it, right, when you're short, okay?
Guys who are short, guys who are bold, right?
They're insecure about it, self-conscious.
So, anything physically, right, that is you can't fix, those insecurities are really tough to work with, right?
So, that's one of them.
Other self-leading beliefs are that they're not good enough, okay?
And usually, high-performing men have this problem because if you think about it, high-performing men, they work hard because they want to prove to the world that they're someone and it kind of almost stems from a chip on their shoulder insecurity, right?
And so, when you analyze those guys, what you see is that they just don't feel like they're enough.
It prompts them to work a lot and be really successful to feel like they're enough, like to some degree in their career, in their business, or whatever.
Um, but it doesn't translate with women, right?
Right, and so they become like a target, or to exactly, exactly.
And so, what ends up happening with those guys is when they talk to women, they don't feel enough, and so they feel like they have to lead with the money or with the status.
And those self-leading beliefs are tougher because that feeling of not being enough is what got them that success with business, you know what I mean?
And so, for them, in their mind, is oh, well, that's how I got here, right?
And they don't realize with women, it's like, no, you have you're enough for her, you're more than enough, right?
You don't have to lead with those things, right?
Um, and from there, you have other, you know, other things that happen like approach anxiety, lack of confidence with women, stuff like that, just because you don't feel enough.
But that one's really unique to the guys I work with.
Other self-living beliefs is if they're raised in a shitty family and they're like, you're not shit, right?
We have a lot of those.
Yeah.
And so they need a lot of reassurance, right?
Hey, do you really think that's a good idea?
That's going to repel women.
Exactly.
Because what happens when a guy needs reassurance?
What do you think as a girl?
You.
Exactly.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Insecurity, clingy.
Yeah.
Right?
Oh, so nasty.
And so those guys that we see, that's another big bucket that we see.
Right.
But those guys never had any reassurance in their life, right?
Their parents never said, good job.
Be proud of yourself.
Right.
You know, they're always saying, that's it.
And the world, it's not like the world is overly nice to me either.
I mean, when you're a kid, the world is nice to you.
But once you're an adult, like in your 20s or in your 30s, no one's giving you that reassurance.
Right.
So they never had it to begin with, and now they're seeking it.
It doesn't help now.
They're looking for that in women, right?
In dating.
So those are kind of like the self-loving beliefs that we see that are really tough to work with for sure.
So when you, what are like the different types of women that you see out there?
Like archetypes, I guess.
Yeah.
So you have so many.
Whatever archetype the girl is, at the end of the day, they all want to have fun.
Okay.
That's huge.
But you have a lot of different buckets, right?
You have girls that are actually looking for marriage, right?
And dating.
So those girls tend to be a little bit on the older side.
They're like, oh, I'm actually looking for something serious, whatever.
But at the end of the day, it's like, if you understand attraction, right?
If you're financially stable, you're a really good flirt, right?
That's basically all a girl needs.
And if you make her have fun, you elevate her mood, she feels good with you, she feels comfortable, and you have a good, decent career.
That's more than enough for any girl.
And so even if she's not looking for a relationship, she's going to look at that.
She's going to say, oh, this guy can date him.
But that's one bucket.
The girls that are looking for long-term, maybe they might be looking the wrong places, but that's one buckish.
I just moved to New York City, sex in the city type, right?
I want to have fun.
You have that bucket as well.
Those girls are kind of like the girls probably you've had on your pod more so, right?
And then they just never leave the lifestyle.
Yeah.
So that's that's tough, right?
They never leave that lifestyle because it's so it's such a nice lifestyle.
You get flown out, free dinners, blah, blah, blah, everything, you know, validated.
And then they reach 30, 32, and then that's all pulled away.
Do you think that like eight to tens belong to the streets forever?
I've heard some PUAs say that.
I'm curious.
Eight to tens belong to the streets.
Like eight pluses, because they're so monetized.
Even if they're not, like, I think mids are sluttier than eight pluses because like that they have to be to compete.
But like, like, because I had a PI on the show, and he was saying how like if they're super hot, like they can do nothing and get things in return.
Or the mids have to put out.
Yeah.
The mids have to put out.
Yeah.
But he was saying, though, that like the eight pluses, a lot of them will never like get married or whatever because they're just so monetized for so long.
And I was curious if you agreed or you did.
Because you guys, like the dating coaches are the ones, like you guys get to see firsthand what's going on because there's so many different guys you guys are getting information from, you know?
Yeah, there's, I mean, we run large sample sizes.
Yeah, yeah.
We see it all the time.
Yeah.
So they are monetized to a degree, but you will get the occasional eight, nines, and tens.
I think this is an exception to that rule that maybe live in a city or a country where everybody's an eight or a nine or a ten.
Oh, okay.
Right.
And they don't know that.
Or, you know, they might be unaware of it.
Or they just don't.
I think it requires also if you're a girl who's an eight, nine, or ten and you're monetizing it, I think it requires a level of ambition.
You know, like you want well, like there's a drive there as well.
And a lot of girls might not have that drive, that ambition.
And so you might meet a few of them who don't have that.
They have a regular, you know, small Instagram, 500, 600 followers, you know?
So I think that's an exception to the rule.
But I think a seven can nowadays with social media and the amount of simping that's going on, a seven can monetize it too.
Yeah.
I mean, you have fives monetizing it.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, you get the filters.
Filters and some clap.
You kind of just have to work around that.
Yeah.
So what changes have you seen in the last 10 years?
Like with women monetizing more?
Is that like a common thing where like they'll approach a girl?
And for me, when I was interviewing, I couldn't believe how many people had OnlyFans of the women.
That seemed really normal.
And is that something you guys have come across?
Because people will say, go touch grass.
It's just your podcast.
So I'm curious what you've seen on like the ground level.
I mean, I think it definitely, I mean, yeah, you definitely attract that type of audience, right?
But from what I've seen, there's definitely an increase.
It's not nearly as many as you think, but you definitely do see an increase.
Now, was there a point that they might have had one and then they failed?
I don't know, right?
I can't tell you that.
They said, I need to find these girls.
Where are they?
I'll help you find your brothers.
And so we have seen an increase in that over the last 10 years.
But what we've seen an increase the most that I think is really damaging is the amount of bad advice between women's circles.
Because women's circles are growing stronger.
I think that's how feminism is materializing is you're getting four or five groups of girls in a girls group and they all give each other shitty advice.
And now you have a lot of those groups that are very hard to break or they just don't look at men as they just don't respect men in general, right?
Their opinion or anything.
And so I think that's what we're seeing an increase in or what we've seen in the last 10 years.
Whereas before, it was more so like, oh, this is my group.
And, you know, they're a couple, they're a couple.
And it's like a couples group or so.
Maybe there's a third wheel here and there.
But now it's like more single groups that hang out.
So that's kind of like a big increase in change that we've been seeing.
And so how does that translate into like the places that men should approach?
Because it used to go through like social group.
So where would you suggest they approach now?
Yeah, social groups or third places, right?
Like universities, churches.
That used to be like the number one place to approach.
It's not all online now.
Yeah, it's majority online.
But what I'll tell guys is you can meet a girl online, but if you don't have your communication skills, you're going to have to go out with her and see her in person.
You might look cool online and then you're going to meet her and you're going, oh, he's a loser.
You know?
So anywhere you see a girl you're attracted to, it could be the grocery store, the Target, the gym, the club, the bar, the coffee shop, wherever, lounge, cocktail lounge, cigar lounge.
It doesn't matter.
She could be your, you know, your hostess, your waitress, wherever.
But I advise guys to always go for it.
Always.
Because you don't know when you're going to see her again.
So it's anywhere.
I don't really want to say there's a particular venue to do it.
I just want to say just be ready at all times.
Just be ready at all times.
Obviously, if you're looking for hookups, bars, clubs, those are the best.
If you're looking for something serious, go to events and meetups and activities that fit with your lifestyle.
If you're into cycling, go to cycling classes.
If you're into running, run clubs are huge now.
Whatever fits your lifestyle, you know.
If you're into the gym, go to the Mr. Olympia or something like that.
Okay.
And then approach women there.
Something that fits your lifestyle.
But if you're looking for hookup bars, clubs, nothing beats that.
Online is also really easy to hook up with girls that you meet online, like Hinge, your Tinder, all those things.
Are the guys now, is it mostly like drinks?
I've heard some guys are doing like movies at their place and they go straight to.
That I do see that is that thing.
So, like, what's the close rate usually of?
Good question.
So, for the average guy, because I talk to guys like this all day, literally like three or four that I'm talking to.
The average guy, I kid you not, gets very few matches.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
And out of that, maybe he gets one date, two dates a month.
Right.
And then out of that, maybe he sleeps with one every three months.
Okay.
A couple months.
Right.
One of the things I like to do.
And is it just once or do they keep coming?
I've heard some guys, their problem is like they can sleep with them, but they can't get the girl to commit.
Well, I was like, what are we living?
Right?
Where the girl is just walking away after giving up.
Shim was telling me about one of his friends.
He's like, yeah, he'll bang these like hot women and they just want a girlfriend.
And he's like, they won't.
Yeah, the girls are the dogs nowadays.
The girls are the dogs.
I'm like, damn, they won't.
What a sick society we live in.
No, but...
He's like, you don't want to get breakfast?
They're like, oh, dude, I'm yearning for a relationship.
He's like, you don't want to like it.
I'm just a walking stick of meat for you.
Unbelievable.
No, but it is tough for guys.
I think retaining the relationship.
I think what happens with that, the guys that are saying that are the guys who only get one girl.
I think so it's already a biased pool.
Right.
Because it's the guys that got one girl and they're so clinging and hung up on her because that's the only option they had.
And they're like, oh, I can't retain them.
Because they only have that option.
Right.
But if they had more options, I could guarantee you they would probably retain all of them.
No, this, like, I don't know if you've seen this, but like, I did it.
I had guys on Twitter send me their stats of like they slept with this many women.
Yeah.
And how many like wanted relationships.
And I found that like some guys, it would be they would all, all the girls they slept with wanted relationships.
And some guys it was like out of 50, like none.
None.
So it was, it was very polarized.
It was binary.
That's the numbers I got.
You see more than I do.
Yeah.
So what I see with the guys is, I mean, if you're, if you understand women properly, right?
And she sleeps with you, she's going to want to come back all the time.
Right.
I know I could hit up, for example, right now, right?
I could hit up any girl, right?
And she'd be cool even if I had spoken to her in a year.
Right.
So I know they all do want a relationship.
So once you understand women properly and not just to hook up with them, right?
If you look at dating, like I'm going to talk to her like I want a long-term relationship and talk to her in that manner, a hookup's going to happen.
It's bound to happen.
It's a side effect of being good long-term relationship material.
It was a hookup.
Right.
So I think guys who can't retain that girl, I think it's also merits to look at the genetic pool.
You know what I mean?
It might be guys who are better looking, taller, but they might not be good long-term relationship material.
Like the bartender, that's stuff exactly.
Where the girl's like, he said he was a DJ.
Yeah.
He's like, he's so hot or he has like that cloud.
Yeah.
Where I kind of want that experience.
Yeah.
And so that's all they want from him.
Right.
But I could give you like if he was a DJ, but he ran when he talked to her, he was like, he didn't talk about being a DJ.
He just talked, treated her like a long-term relationship.
She would have came back.
Oh, really?
Yeah, 100%.
But I think that's what happens is like those guys that are saying that, they're kind of like that fun, experienced, genetic type pool.
And then the girl has fun.
Right.
But if the girl would have realized, oh my God, not only is he a DJ, not only is he a bartender, but he's also like super sweet.
And I could see a relationship with him, then they would have stuck around.
But that's usually what I see when, because I do coach guys, but they have that problem where they're good-looking guys, six foot four, right?
Total chats are like girls, they just don't want to, you know, stick around.
And I get to know them.
I'm like, well, yeah, because you're a douchebag, right?
You got to treat them better.
You got to be a long-term relationship material.
And they're not used to that because girls just, they don't have to do that.
Right.
Whereas a guy who doesn't get that, he has to lead with that.
Oh, so he's, they're probably like, something's wrong with their long-term personality.
Exactly.
It's like they're attractive.
Two different animals.
Oh, so they're attractive in the beginning, but the long-term personality.
Think about it: like you go to work, right?
You're wearing your work hat.
Yeah.
And then you come home.
Now you have to change her to your husband hat.
Yeah.
Right?
It's the same thing in long-term relationship.
You have your hookup hat, the fun, flirty guy.
Oh, I just want to, you know, fuck this guy.
He's so fun.
He's so hot.
He's so flirty.
But then you have those serious conversations with her where it makes her feel like, oh, we're talking about my past, the future.
He's got ambitions.
I could see myself as part of his journey.
Right?
He switched hats from that, you know, fun, flirty fuckboy to that, okay, he could be a boyfriend, dating guy.
Yeah.
Right?
A lot of guys.
And then she'll be disappointed.
Yeah.
And then he's like, never mind.
Oh God.
Right?
But that's why they can't retain.
They forget to switch ads.
Yeah.
They forget to switch ads.
Yeah.
Sell the dream.
We're talking about that.
Sell the dream.
Do you ever like?
So if you have a girl that like you kind of want to go away, you ever just get like doucheier, like kind of like a drink?
I'll tell you a story.
So there's a point, there's a point in my life where I was like, I don't know if I should just ghost the girls or tell them the truth.
And I asked the girl, I was like, Do you want me to ghost you or do you want me to tell you the truth?
And she's like, tell me the truth.
I told her the truth.
She goes, I would rather you've ghosted me.
What did you say?
I was like, you know, I don't see myself with you long term.
It was already like six, seven months.
And she's already getting like, what are we?
Yeah.
And she's like, I don't see myself with you long term.
I just, you have a lot of issues.
What were the issues?
She didn't have a father figure.
Okay.
Yeah.
Right.
And it's just like, it's just a lot of work.
You know, and I'm willing to put in the work, but not ask, like, it's too much.
Right.
And I do feel like your conflict resolution, it's not, it's not there, right?
The accountability is not there.
And so I was honest.
And she's like, yeah, I'd rather you just ghosted me.
But I think because I told her that, she actually ended up being in a long-term relationship.
So I think I helped her.
Wait, you dated her after that?
No, no, she ended up being in a long relationship.
Oh, she dated someone else.
She dated someone else, exactly.
And so I think I helped her.
I like to call it.
I'm going to call you and say, thank you.
No, she should, right?
What a jerk.
But yeah, so I do think it helps telling him the truth.
It definitely does hurt.
Yeah.
So.
So do you now like going?
Yeah, what do you do now?
Do you?
Most girls, just to being saying, like, hey, I just don't see you as long term.
Most girls will understand.
They don't want to know the truth.
As long as you tell them that, they're okay with that.
They're like, oh, okay, I get it.
And how long does it take for them to like ask?
Some girls are the more, the faster you let them into your lifestyle, the faster they'll ask.
Right?
So I'll give you one example on the very fast end, like let's say a month or two, she's coming over once a week, right?
And if you have a work trip, maybe you took her with you to a work trip, right?
Maybe you're going on to dinner once a week and she's staying over and now you've sing her twice a week, right?
And then you're going over to her house, right?
You talk to her about your business or work or whatever.
The more you let her into your life, the faster they'll ask for a title.
So if you don't let her into your life as much, you take her out at dinner once, but she's never seen your house, your apartment, right?
She's never stayed over.
You get what I'm saying?
And you're kind of like slower to bring her into your lifestyle, right?
She doesn't meet your parents, or like she doesn't even know a thing about your parents, then it takes longer.
But on average, probably like seven, eight months is when they're like, what are we?
It's actually longer than I thought.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, you're just stretching that.
You know, you're stringing him along, right?
It's kind of like you're giving him relationship benefits without the title.
Yeah, it's giving someone a title at work without the salary.
Yeah, the journey, maybe someday.
And so that's kind of how it works, right?
Do you ever get like them vindictive?
Because I know a lot of guys are kind of do you know, you know, like women are not.
Have you watched CGA ever?
No.
So he has this, um, he has this phrase called all men pay.
Okay.
So like even, yeah.
Because the women like eventually will make you pay.
Yeah.
Do you like, do you ever find that like a vindictive girl like tries to ruin ruin your reputation, does something crazy?
Yeah, all the time.
Listen.
They said never show her where you live.
And they chat.
Is that a strategy?
No.
So like to like not.
I mean, if you're going to hook up with their girl, she probably didn't take her back to your place.
Well, you go to hers, right?
You go to hers, but this is what I'll tell guys.
It's always safer to go back to yours because you don't know, you know, who might be crazy.
She might have a crazy ex for all you know.
Oh, okay.
So it's always safer at your place.
But that being said and done, what was the question?
The vindictive, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So girls, once they're in love with you, they will go above and beyond to make sure no one else can get you.
And one of those ways is by ruining your reputation.
Because think about it.
They can't do anything physically, but they can sure as hell hurt your reputation, your brand, right?
I mean, you see this throughout history, right?
Name a successful man that hasn't been.
Women do it to me, and I'm not even dating them.
It's insane.
They have so much power.
But yeah, name a successful man that hasn't been hurt by that stuff.
It's almost impossible.
Do you ever get guys that are really like neurotic about that happening?
Like they don't want to approach because of that sort of thing.
Yeah, you definitely have some PTSD in there.
But you have to realize too, if you go in with good intentions, like not being a psychopath, right?
I'm going to sleep with as many women as possible.
And you go in with like, okay, I'm going to treat her right, right?
And I'm going to do all these things.
I'm going to make her feel good.
And I'm actually looking, if I sleep with her, I'm actually looking for a relationship.
If you go in with those intentions, nothing's going to happen.
Women are very understanding where it's like, oh, okay, you know, I'm not going to do anything crazy.
Most women won't do anything crazy.
But the ones that do do something crazy.
You know, it's a tail end.
What's like the craziest thing that's happened to you?
I had a girl who put all when I had my personal Instagram, she put all the girls that were following me and all the girls I was following.
She put them like in her close story.
And then she put like pictures of me and her.
Just be like, oh, I'm so glad we're dating.
There's like a bunch of stuff.
And then she DM'd every single one.
Boom, boom, boom.
She's like, hey, do you know?
How do you know Jesse?
Did they respond?
Yeah, a lot of them responded.
But a lot of them, a lot of them were cool with me and they were like, she's weird.
Why is she doing this?
Should I block her?
And I was like, yeah, just block her.
But after that, some girls posted me on TikTok.
Just be like, you know, this guy was late to my date.
And I didn't know she posted me until someone sent me the video.
I was like, oh, great.
Wait, that you were, that was it?
I was late to the date.
That's it.
Yeah.
How late were you?
So, like an hour.
Okay, but like, yeah.
They got a TikTok maybe?
Yeah.
And she got like two, like a lot of people.
Did you hook up with her?
Yeah, we've been dating for like for a month or so.
Okay.
For like three dates.
But still, like, that's crazy.
That is crazy.
For an hour.
And like, I thought she was cool.
Like, I've known her.
So women, if they are neurotic and they are crazy, they are crazy.
They will do it.
Right.
But the average is not.
Are there like signs that you look for early on?
Yeah.
Like, so what?
How tempered her reactions are.
You know, so maybe not to things you do, but to things during her day.
Okay.
If she's out and about, right, and they're late on her Starbucks or she's getting lashes done and they don't do them well and she overreacts, like overreacts by a lot.
Oh, she gets really mad.
She gets really mad.
That means her emotions fluctuate to one end or the other.
It's kind of like bipolar a little bit.
But that's really what it is.
Tattoos are a huge sign of that as well.
What's the worst ones?
Have you seen any really crazy ones?
I personally don't because I steer clear of them.
Yeah.
I do know guys who have.
They said that's the SSRIs.
Yeah.
You're looking at girls' medicine cat.
I know.
Just going.
Low-key, though.
Yeah.
Go in the cabinet and see what you find.
Take pictures, Google it real quick.
But yeah, there's, I mean, yeah, those girls that are crazy are extremely crazy.
Yeah.
Right?
They're like psychotic.
Have you had like clients go through that at all?
Like, yeah, well, what I see is because guys don't open up much, right?
So I have to kind of like dig it out of them.
But the most common ones we see with those type of women, just like very neurotic women, is guys who went through like a divorce, like a really rough divorce, right?
In their 40s or 50s.
And they tell me about it.
And the whole time they don't realize they're dating just a super narcissistic, neurotic female, right?
You see that a lot, but they're blind to it because that's the only girl they've ever dated.
They think all girls are like that.
It's a norm.
Right.
But you also have guys who attract that type of girl because they are neurotic themselves.
Okay.
Because you attract what you are.
And so you see that mostly kind of like in the industry, right?
Like with bartenders, bottle girls, that type of industry.
Like, you know, that's where a lot of neurotic people hang.
Just because like it's very, yeah, it's just very dopamine driven.
Oh, okay.
You know what I mean?
Like those type of places.
And it's okay to overreact in those places, you know, because everything's so loud all the time.
People are drinking.
You can kind of just say you're drunk.
Exactly.
There's always some thing you could blame it on.
Right.
Well, I was drunk or he was just, or you blame it on the other person.
It's just like, oh, I had such a long day.
And like, it makes it acceptable to be neurotic.
Right.
And so that's what you see in the industry a lot, those people.
So the average guy you're working with, he's getting laid like once every three months.
Yeah.
Some, some, I would say from three dates a month, one of them, he gets laid on.
Three dates and yeah, basically.
Okay.
Because I asked, so the first question I ask guys when they call or when they when they contact me is, are you looking for something casual or something long term?
Right?
Well, something casual.
When's the last time you got that?
Most common answers is around the three month to over a year.
What percent are looking for casual versus long term?
So the most common answer is I want something casual that develops into something long term.
Well, yeah.
Yeah, that's what they want.
I mean, isn't that kind of what people are using?
Yeah, that's what people want.
But it's, and it's kind of, it's almost like a trick question in a way.
But yeah, that's the most common 80% of guys are like, yeah.
And then I would say.
I find that guys want relationships more than women.
Nowadays, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nowadays they do.
Too much free shit for being a single girl.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A ton.
But a lot of guys struggle with that.
You know, they struggle with hooking up, let alone having a relationship.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
But so your average guy, he's getting laid once every three months.
And is it once?
Twice?
Once, twice a year.
Holy shit.
That's like nothing.
Yeah, it's nothing.
You got to keep in mind, I talked to probably messaging, right, on Instagram, right?
They're always messaging.
Probably like 100 to 200 guys.
Okay.
Out of those, maybe four or five had to hook up within the last couple of weeks.
Just think about that.
Yeah.
The rest has been over three months or over a year.
It's rough.
And so the guys that are doing really well, what's their like the guys that are doing really well.
Like, what would you say is someone doing really well?
I mean, right, if the average guy is getting two, three lays a year, right?
You double that.
That's really well.
Right?
You're doing really, if you're getting laid once every two months, getting laid once, twice every month, you're doing extremely well.
But the more well they do, the better position they are in the genetic pool.
And it's the direct correlation.
It's kind of like common sense.
So those guys never, they don't need help with women.
Yeah.
Right?
It's the guys that are like normal guys that want to go from like a five to an eight or like a five to a seven.
Exactly.
Where it's like they're not going to be selected if they don't have good hygiene, good.
Everything has to be.
Where if a guy's like a chad, it's like you can do anything.
Yeah.
And the easiest way to tell if you're a chad or not is to go on Hinge or on Tinder.
Yeah.
Right.
The number one filter on Hinge is height.
Yeah.
It's the number one.
Can't you just lie?
If I was a guy, I would just lie.
But then what?
You see her?
But if she's like five, like women don't know height.
Yeah, but.
Like if you're 5'5, you're not gonna know the difference.
Right.
So how much of that's the little test?
So how much would be acceptable for you to lie about?
I mean, I would just go all the way.
I just went to six if I was.
Six.
If he was how tall?
Like 5'8?
Four inches, right?
Yeah.
How tall are you?
I'm six.
Right.
Say the guy was six.
He shows up.
He said he was 6'4.
You'd be able to tell right away.
Most girls are 5'5.
But I'm tall, though.
That's different.
No, but most girls are 5'8 ⁇ , 5'1 ⁇ 5'6?
5'6.
Most girls are 5'5.
5'5'5's 6'6.
5'5.
Yeah.
If he says 5'9, or he's 5'5, he says 5'9.
The problem is the guys that have to lie if they did to get more matches are not average height.
Average height is not a problem.
Oh, it's that's it's below.
It's super short, right?
So the height, it doesn't work.
The average guy, sure, he lies, but he didn't have to lie in the first place.
Because it's like average height.
It's okay.
Like 5'10 to 6'1.
Exactly.
That's fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But if you're.
Do you suggest they lie though that much?
You might as well, right?
No, for guys.
5'10?
The best thing to do is that.
If I was a guy, I'd say that.
You just round it up.
could round it up right because they have all the filters at six wouldn't you want to be you could tell me you're the coach yeah um Well, this is what guys should do, right?
Guys should approach in person first and use Hinge Tinder as a secondary tool.
The way I tell guys to run it is go get your main girls from doing your approaches at your meetups during the day when you go out at night with your buddies, whatever.
That's where you're going to meet majority of the women that are going to date you because they're correlating to your lifestyle.
But use Tinder and Hinge to kind of practice, right?
Maybe set up a date or two Monday through Wednesday.
So it's just a secondary tool.
It's not your end-all-be-all.
So if it's your secondary tool, I don't see the point in lying and just getting comfortable with yourself.
You get what I'm saying?
Because really, you know, by doing it during the day, during the night, during your meetups, wherever you go for whatever events, you know that you're enough when you approach these girls.
Well, I'm 5'10 when I approach these girls in person.
I know I'm enough as a guy.
So you won't feel the need to lie, you know, because you're proven to yourself.
I'm the guy.
But if you want to lie about it, you go ahead.
It's not going to hurt you.
But if the girl does is a problem, when the girl does say something, what is he going to say?
Oh, I freak out.
Oh, no, I'm six foot with this or whatever.
Breaks his frame.
Now he's like, awful.
So if you're going to lie, be a goddamn good liar.
Because then she's going to say, yeah, no, I'm six foot.
What are you going to do?
Yeah.
Move on.
No, it's the truth.
So, if you're going to do it, don't be all, you know, pits pandering around when she asks you.
And you have to stand up with it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, how long does it take?
Like, I know you said a virgin can lose his virginity in three.
How long does it take for a guy to go from like nothing to expert level?
I guess three months.
Really?
Three months.
Three months.
No way.
That quick.
Yeah, that quick.
So, I mean, the way I run it, right?
So you got to think about it like this.
They want to know why they shouldn't just rent the women, like buy them, like hookers.
Because that's just slippery slope, right?
Yeah.
I think if you're willing to buy hookers, you have a deeper problem.
It's a deeper problem than that.
I mean, it depends on your goal, too.
Right.
Right?
If you want a family, buying hookers is not the way to go.
I would have recommended that, but I'm not here to.
It's not the way to go.
Being transactional with women is not the way to go.
There's a difference between an emotional and financial transaction.
At least when there's an emotional transaction, she's doing some emotional investment into you as well.
Right.
And so the loss, if there is a loss, it's parody.
Why do you think guys spend so much time on women that clearly don't want them?
Like, why?
Like, because sometimes I'll just watch him like, why are you, she doesn't like you.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, like, there'll be guys that'll wait like months to have a girl sleep with.
Like, the biggest one that I've seen, these guys that they think the girl's like different or special, and she's like waiting for sex.
And I'm like, dude.
No, you're being, you're naive.
Yeah, you're naive.
And it's crazy because the guys, you think, like, oh, what?
When you think of a naive man, what age range do you think of?
I think of two.
I think of either under 27 or very religious and just hasn't partaken in anything.
Right.
The average guy who's not religious, the average guy is not religious.
Yeah.
They're naive up until their late 30s.
Because I've talked to guys when I message them, right?
Whatever.
They're like, I'm still trying to get with this girl.
I've known her for a year or two.
How old are you?
37, 38.
No way.
So men are so naive nowadays.
Right.
And to answer your question, they get so hung up on one girl that doesn't want them because that's the only girl that gives them time, that gives them attention.
Because guys, they don't realize this, but guys do need emotional reassurance as well, almost, right?
They do need emotional attention almost, right?
And that girl's the only one that talks to him.
And so in his mind, it's like, that's the only opportunity that I have to make anything happen because I don't know any other girls.
That's the only girl I know.
And that's the only girl that talks to me.
And so they approach it from a scarcity mindset because they don't know any other girls.
And so they're so hung up on her.
They come to me.
There's no other, none.
They come to me and they say, well, there's a girl I really want her.
I've known her for six years.
And the first question I asked them was, well, how many other girls are you talking to?
Zero.
Yeah.
Why?
Because I'm scared.
Your real issue is not that you can't get her.
The real issue is that you can't get anyone.
You know?
And so that's the mentality that these guys have.
And it's really a scarce mentality.
It's kind of like going fishing and then looking for one fish, even though there's a thousand fish out there.
But no, I want that one.
Because that one is the only one that bites my bait.
What?
What are you talking about?
It doesn't make any sense.
So that real problem is that they can't get anyone, that they can't build attraction, that they're afraid of failure.
They're afraid to get rejected.
A lot of stuff.
Well, do you think that because you ever see guys, like, even though they have other choice, they still hyper-fixate on like one?
Yeah, when you're in love.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's like sometimes like the simping is just the simping is different.
Yeah.
Right.
Simping is, should be illegal.
It should be illegal.
Yeah.
Simping should be jail time.
Just think about it.
Yo.
And what did I tell you yesterday?
What did I say?
I said, if you have social media as a guy, and you're not monetizing it, right?
Or you're not proactively.
Yeah, what are you doing?
If you're not proactively working to make it good, right?
And I mean, like, make a presence on social media.
I mean, something meaningful, not just good pictures and shit.
But if you're not doing those two things, delete it.
Why?
Because you're brain rotting, watching dumb stuff, and you're liking pictures of girls that don't even know who you are.
Yeah.
Right.
And so that's how the sim thing starts.
Even though you might not be a simp, right?
You might not be that simpy.
You like one picture of a girl a week.
That's enough because that adds up, right?
There's a million men that are single, you know?
Yeah.
And I can guarantee you, a lot of them aren't doing it.
If you go on the average guy's explore feed, what are you going to see?
Probably a bunch of girls.
Do you know what?
I heard that even when men downvote the stuff, it still like goes on the airport.
Yeah, because social media is like, it's either you hate it or you like it.
Yeah.
And so we're only going to show you either.
Yeah.
Right.
And so if you go walk down the street, this would actually be a cool video.
Walk down the street and see, let me see your explore page.
Most men will have some sort of ass on there.
Yeah.
Right.
So I say delete it.
If you're not monetizing it, if you're not working on it, delete it and go find women the right way.
And that will bring balance back to the dating space.
Do you see like a lot of guys using their phone as like a crutch for like the lack of female intimacy, especially with like Gen Z becoming more online?
Is that a problem for you?
Like anti-social guys?
Yeah.
So, I mean, right now, the guys that I'm working with a lot, right?
I think Gen Z, they're coming into the picture, right?
The youngest guy we're working with is 19.
Okay.
A very smart 19-year-old guy, right?
Because he's already like, I'm going to figure this shit out.
Right.
Yeah.
So he's very smart, you know, Gen Z.
But the average age we deal with is 25 to probably 40.
Okay.
That's a good range of guys that we have on the calls.
But I do think that the more prevailing social media gets, the better it is as disguising your lack of communication skills, right?
Your insecurities, all these things.
And so I think it'll come to light.
We'll see how it materializes.
But right now, Gen Z is like up and calming.
They're like coming in.
For the guys.
Yeah.
They're coming into the dating scene.
And I think Gen Z girls are even worse in social media spaces.
Oh, yeah.
Social media is way worse on women.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so these Gen Z guys are in for a rude awakening because all those Gen Z girls, they've been on OnlyFans for a while.
They're getting snatched up by the older guys who don't want anything serious.
Now they're in their 30s, financially stable.
They're having fun.
They're like, I mated, right?
This girl's 22.
She's super hot.
And she cares about status and stuff.
I could take her out over here.
And so that's kind of what we see.
Oh, actually, I'm curious what you think of the stat where it's like twice as many women under 30 are in relationships than men under 30.
Do you think it's because the women are dating the same guys or because they're dating older or both?
So it could be both.
I'm just kidding.
Being like in the field.
Yeah, I think they're dating older.
Yeah.
For sure.
It's really hard for, I think, once a girl leaves, excuse me, once a girl passes age 22, 23, dating within your age group leaves the picture.
Because what happens with girls in college, right?
You're still in college around that time.
And if you stay in the same city, your college group will still be to a degree like the same, right?
Same with high school sweethearts and stuff.
But you get judged if you date outside of your social circle at that age.
Well, he's not even in the fraternity or whatever.
Right.
And so it's not as acceptable to date from the outside.
But once you're in the real world, now it's fair game.
Yeah.
Right.
Like if you go approach girls in the college campus, that's fucking weird.
Right.
Right.
But if you go approach a girl at the club who just graduated, who's 24, that's fine.
Yeah.
Right.
And so you have these guys, and then that's kind of like where the competition really begins.
So what you see a lot too is these younger chicks dating older guys.
And I think most girls that we talk to, it's the age range that they date is always, I think they cap it at like 10 years.
Like if she's 25.
That's what I've seen about two, about 10 years.
25.
Oh, I only date to 35.
Yeah.
Which is fair.
I think that's a pretty good range.
But like when I was single, like the cap was 20, and I think I was abnormal.
Like girls thought I was weird.
Like I wouldn't go past 20.
Yeah, as we see.
But like 10 is the most common I see.
And what do you think about a PI came on and he said that he would guess, what was, oh my God, I can't remember the number off the top of my head.
He thinks that up to it was roughly 40% of women under 30 that are not fat have done some sort of sex work.
If you include things like sugar dating, occasionally having sex for rent, OnlyFans selling nudes on Instagram.
Do you think that is accurate or do you think he's kind of overblowing it?
I think it's overblowing it.
Okay.
The thing with these studies that I'll say.
Well, he didn't have a study.
It was just like because he vets his job was to vet girls to marry them.
Okay, yeah.
So like it's like if you had a girl you wanted to marry, you bring him to him and he says.
So what I would say is trends move fast and societal norms move fast as well.
Right.
Whereat it wasn't accepted five, 10 years ago to post a nude online, right?
Everybody freaked out about nudes.
Now they're selling it for $3.
Do you know what's crazy too?
I was just at like a UFC like gym doing some interviews there.
And they were telling me, like, I was asking the guys, would you date a girl with like an OnlyFan?
Like if she had one before.
And I couldn't believe how many of the guys said they would.
And I'm like, don't you guys have like other choices?
You also got to realize that.
And I'm like, it could just be entertainment.
Cause I know in entertainment, it's like a little different, but I'm like, really?
You got to realize that.
You got to realize.
The guys who fight, they're not the most normal guys.
They're not.
No, they're totally not.
But I just kind of was thinking, I'm like, you guys have the ring girls throwing.
I'm like, I'm not dumb.
Like, you guys have choice.
Why would you?
They're like, yeah, as long as she deleted it.
Like, what?
I just couldn't believe it.
Like, it's gotten normalized so fast that like, they're like, as long as she didn't have like actual sex on camera.
I'm like, Jesus Christ.
They're okay with it.
And so that's.
I don't think okay, but like they would accept if you're, you know, they would accept it.
It's just, it's just becoming a norm.
Yeah.
And so that's what I mean, where it's like, if he's vetting these girls, I think it's moving so fast and technology moves so fast, right?
The innovation levels and that.
And I think societal norms go with it, right?
The good and the bad.
And so what you see is these things becoming more common.
And because they're more common, what guys end up feeling like is like, if I don't accept it, I'm not going to get anyone.
So I should come to terms with it.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
And do you think there's some truth to that?
I think there's some truth to it, right?
You look at back in the day, what was back in the day?
Well, I don't want my girl to work a corporate job.
She should be a stay-at-home mom.
But societal norms catch up.
It's like, oh, maybe it's okay for her to work.
Right.
And so that's what we're seeing, but it's getting worse.
And I think as guys, I think I do think it's their job to put a stop to be like, no, I'm not okay with that.
Yeah.
I need to stop feeding that machine.
And I think it comes down to Simps.
And I think they're the problem.
I think you made a video about it.
Yeah, they are the problem.
So, wait, what do you, what do guys request the most in terms of like the types of girls they want?
They want, they just want a good girl with a decent head on her shoulders.
As far as like body count, all that type of stuff, they want single-digit body count.
Yeah.
They're like, and not just single-digit body count.
They can't.
How would you even verify that?
So you can, but before I go into that, they want single-digit body count and they want the single digits to come from long-term relationships.
Yeah.
Not just a hookup.
And it's really bad because girls don't count the hookups.
They only count the guys that they dated that they slept with.
They don't count like anal either.
Yeah.
The girls.
So going back to your question, is like, how do you verify that?
And I think this is where guys go wrong: if you make her feel judged in any way, shape, or form, she's not going to be her true self right now.
Right?
So you've got to come in, and even though it bugs you, you've got to learn to have a poker face.
I had a show called Men's Like, What's the Craziest Thing a Girl Said to You and You Keep a Poker Face?
Yeah.
It was Colin's show, yeah.
And so that's what happens is they have to learn to keep that poker face so they could learn the truth about the girl.
Yeah.
And it happens just when you're trying to learn the truth about anything.
Right?
The CIA probably does this when they're trying to learn the truth about other nations or whatever and spies.
I think when you make her feel comfortable and like you're not judgmental and open-minded, she will tell you a lot more than you don't want to say.
Yeah, but women are smart.
Like, you know what I mean?
Well, yeah, but you know what?
They are smart.
But what I will say is most guys cannot keep that poker face.
So when they do find the guy that keeps it, it's like, oh, I finally can talk about it with a guy.
And then they get excited about it.
But that's why it's so rare for a guy to be not judgmental.
He keep a poker face.
So guys need to learn to do that if you don't want to play yourself.
And then obviously private investigators are looking for like marriage and stuff.
But even the PI said there's some stuff.
You can't.
I mean, you can't know.
The only way to do it is by.
You know what I mean?
Like single-digit, like, there's a phrase that they have that it's like, assume all women are sluts, but don't obsess.
Yeah, because it's like, how would you?
There's a saying I say is: every girl's a slut except my mother and my sister.
So it's like, it's funny, right?
But in hindsight, you have to make her feel so comfortable.
Yeah.
Because then she's going to open up to you.
I've taken girls, right, that I've talked to that just out of curiosity.
They're bottle girls that they work in the industry.
And they feel so comfortable around me.
Right.
And I'm like, yo, just out of curiosity, like you have to work up to it, right?
Would you sleep with that guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No way.
How many have you slept with?
Right.
But they feel so comfortable around me.
Like, I'm never going to judge them.
Right.
Probably like 70 or 80.
No way.
That's super dope.
Out of my mind, I'm like crazy.
Yeah.
But once they feel comfortable, think about it like this.
If you were her gay best friend, she would open up to you.
Correct.
Yeah.
Right.
So they have, there has to be a level of comfort to get the actual truth from these women.
So what are the numbers you've gotten?
So the ones that I've gotten, right?
Because like, how many women have given you these numbers, like roughly?
A lot.
Okay.
So, right, on one end, you have the girls that work in those industries.
They're a lot of fun, right?
They're gorgeous, but the numbers are high, right?
70, 80.
I talked to one.
She was a friend of the one that I was hooking up with.
Probably like 90, 100.
So huge.
But you also have girls who are.
So what is that like per year?
Like, is it like, how many dudes is she sleeping with at a time?
You're going to find this crazy.
It's they're young chicks.
They're like 25, 26, which is why do the math.
I don't know.
Well, because average age, you lose your virginity.
That's over 10 years, right?
16 to I think 25, 26.
So, like, how many, like when you were talking to her, like, how many dudes was she seeing that week?
I could tell you this.
Did she like any girl?
No, I could tell you this.
That you probably attest to it.
Any girl could call a guy at any given point.
Yes.
And the guy will answer.
Yeah.
Right.
And girls have hormones too.
They're not as horny as men, but they have hormones.
Right.
They, they're like, I think women are almost hornier at the right time.
Yeah, when they're ovulating.
Like, I mean, if you see women, like they almost like attack male celebrities.
Like they sneak into their hotel room.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah, they're psychos.
Women are a psychos.
And so that's what you see.
But you also get the other tail end, right, of girls who did have that one or two relationships that were two, three years long, right?
And maybe her body counts three at 23 or 24.
You do have those type of girls for sure, right?
They tend to be more introverted, reserved type of girls.
That's kind of like finding a need on a haystack nowadays, but they're definitely out there.
You just have to look.
And when I say you have to look, that's what guys aren't doing.
They're not going out there.
They're not putting themselves in the middle.
But what industries would you tell them, like, or places would you tell them to look?
Yeah, I would.
My favorite spot to go to is usually like coffee shops.
Coffee shops are huge, especially with the remote work culture going on.
A lot of guys work remote, especially if you're doing anything digital.
So any remote work, get out of the house, go to the coffee shop.
Right?
Think about if you have an introverted friend, where do introverts hang out?
Because usually those girls are shy.
Yeah.
Right?
So they won't go up to that celebrity.
They won't do it, even though they might be attracted, they won't do it.
Yeah.
Because they're shy.
Even if the hot chad guy comes and talks to her, she doesn't know how to handle it.
I know, but the introverted whores, they do the biggest damage because the men don't see it coming.
Yeah, they don't see it coming.
But that's on the girl.
I'm not saying all I'm doing.
Yeah, but that's on the men.
That's for you being naive.
I know.
I'm like, the girls that do the most damage are like the introverts.
Because the guys do not.
It's funny you say that.
The definition of a heartbreak is when a girl behaves in a way that you didn't think she would.
Yeah.
That's heartbreaking.
Yeah.
Because you thought she was one person and she was not.
And so that matches perfectly, right?
That's why they do the most damage.
You think she's one girl, but yeah, well, okay, how long are they going to go between like introverted chicks?
I don't know.
The girls I meet with really low body count, they recycle axes.
That's like their thing.
Yeah, they, so it's kind of like, it's kind of like a double wham, right?
Would you want to really have a guy saying that he likes those girls because he wants to be recycled?
He's like, they're men for life.
He believes in climate change.
Come on, though.
Yeah.
So that's kind of like what you face in the dating scene.
Yeah.
It's what you face.
Yeah, it's just what it is.
It is what it is.
We're not in Elden Times anymore.
No, I was just curious because you said the one girl had like 90.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
So, like, but how many guys was she banging at a time?
I know she had, I mean, she opened her DMs, right?
She had, you know, probably what, like 30,000 followers.
One to 10.
What was she?
Like, what was it?
Nine, eight.
Oh, she was.
She was all done up.
Okay.
Right.
I mean, you take those features away.
It's like probably like a seven.
Yeah.
But guys don't know.
Guys can't even tell.
But they can't.
Yeah.
It's even though they say, oh, I know I can tell, but if you put them in front of them, if you put her in front of them, they'll freak out.
I'm so tired of men telling.
Yeah, I know.
They say that.
They're like, oh, that girl's natural.
I'm like, yeah, we're just like, no, she's not.
We ran boot camps and guys are like, oh, I don't like that fake stuff.
And what I do on purpose is, because in Vegas, you get a lot of those girls.
Yeah.
And then I introduce them to one of them, to a girl that's all done up.
And then I talk to him and I'm like, because I know the girl, I'm pretending you like her, right?
Just to see how their reaction is, just so they could get a reality check.
And then I talked to him after it's like, dude, I loved her.
I thought you said you didn't like that.
So a lot of guys is like, they're okay with it.
It's just how the girl makes it feel, right?
It's like at the end of the day, it's like they got negative reactions from those girls.
Exactly.
Again, it's a coping mechanism.
Yeah, it's the association.
Coke harder.
Yep.
Yep, exactly.
Yeah.
But so you tell guys to go to coffee shops.
That's the best place to meet introverted girls.
Coffee shops and gyms.
Gyms are good.
This is my favorite girl, is the girl that doesn't go out, but she goes out for really big special events.
Let's say she likes George Strait, right, country.
And George Strait doesn't do many tours.
So she's like, I cannot miss this tour.
Right?
Because I'm from Texas.
So I can't miss this.
And she never goes out, but once a year, she goes to that one event.
And she's not there to hook up.
She's there for the event.
And she goes to the gym.
She's a good girl.
You have those girls, but the only way to find them is to go to these things to put yourself out there as a guy.
Yeah.
Right.
And you're going to see these girls if you go to those big events that happen once a year, right?
You go to a Formula One race, right?
You go to PGA in Scottsdale, whatever you do.
If you go to those big events that are really special and the girl might just only go that time once a year, that's where you're going to find those type of girls.
But again, if you're not willing to do the approach, let alone put yourself out there, it's never going to find you.
It's not going to come to you.
Guys have this misconception.
Oh, she'll come to me eventually if I do everything right.
No, she won't.
She will not.
She'll not come to you.
No.
The young girls, you think guys have to have Snapchat now?
Because I see Gen Z. I'm like, they like my sister, like they're all in.
Yeah.
Again, I stick by it with everything in social media.
If you don't, if you have social media, you're not monetized.
You're just wasting time on it.
It doesn't add to your purpose as a guy.
I just delete it.
Because all you need is a number to communicate.
And at the end of the day, if she likes you, the only attention she's going to care about is yours.
Yeah.
And she's going to create that attention.
She's going to be calling you, blowing up your phone to talk to you on the phone.
Right.
Yeah.
So why do you need it?
You don't.
So what events would you tell them to go to?
Whatever they're into.
Okay.
Right.
So, I mean, if you like country music, if you like Formula One, things that are unique that happen once a year, even more so if they're in other cities, right?
Because the narrative.
I think if you're a well-off, if you're well-off as a guy and she lives in another city and you're in your 30s, you can make it happen.
Like if you can't, there's something wrong.
I've seen an increase in like distance relationships.
Have you seen that too?
Yeah.
It's easier to travel.
It's definitely cheaper.
Right.
I mean, if a plane ticket two weeks out, you get it for 90 bucks, 100 bucks.
Major city to major city.
Do you see like real relationships come from that usually?
Yeah.
So again, everything depends, right?
It's like not one or two.
I'm just asking what you've seen.
You could say pros and cons.
So what we see a lot is the better the skill the guy has with women, okay, the better match he is where like he's a really good flirt, right?
He makes him laugh, he makes him feel comfortable, he's financially stable, right?
He takes care of himself.
I'm not saying he has to have the genetic lottery, but he takes care of himself.
If you have all those things, a girl will go above and beyond to do things for you.
Above and beyond, right?
That includes flights.
That includes her, things start getting serious, her like, okay, looking for a job where you live, her trying to figure it out with you.
The girl, if she really likes you, will proactively try to figure it out with you.
The saddest thing is when you meet guys that have never like had that.
They like don't think they don't, I know, they don't think it exists.
Yeah, so and just off of that, because guys, when I talk like this, guys say, no, that's not true.
That can't be real.
Right.
Or like, when I tell them, this is the biggest one, I tell them, it's like, dude, you could be probably pulling or meeting three to four girls a week.
I know.
They're like, that's not possible.
I know a girl that got an Uber that was $400 to go on a first date with a guy.
Yeah.
That she just told him she was like in the area.
And she wasn't.
And she ended up marrying him.
Yeah, I tell you, I know.
I was like, you don't understand.
You don't understand women.
They will go above and beyond.
They will take flights.
They will drive there.
They'll crawl.
They will do anything.
They will do anything once you're into them.
They're into you.
But a lot of guys don't experience that.
They're saying cap.
I'm like, yeah, no, it's crazy.
I'm telling you.
I mean, you saw it in the in-person training.
What did you see?
Right?
Okay.
The interesting thing I saw, it blackpilled me a little bit.
Yeah.
Because the one thing is like how harshly the fat women would reject the guys that were better looking.
But then also, like, I mean, you could tell like those of you that had like done it more, like, you guys had better interactions.
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's a skill.
Yeah.
It's a skill.
That's why I tell guys, like, guys cope a lot because they are afraid of me.
You knew that one girl for like five minutes and then she went home with you from the pool party.
And that's what I tell guys.
You saw us do it three times in a row.
Yeah, I did.
Right?
And so I tell guys, right, they're saying cap right now, but I tell them, come to Vegas and conspiracy yourself.
But he didn't have a yacht, guys.
I'm telling you.
They always think I'm capping.
Like, they always think I'm capping.
Yeah.
Guys, I've seen too much.
Yeah, yeah.
So that's what I tell guys.
Going back to like the fat girl rejecting the guy, a lot of guys try to cope with it, right?
We spoke about it too.
It's like they say, oh, I want to approach her because she's below my level.
It's like, well, you don't, you can't even get that.
She'll probably reject you.
Yeah.
Right.
And so they self-sabotage by saying, I only approach nines and tens, knowing damn well they're going to get blown out by that nine and ten.
Yeah.
You know?
Do you think that women because it's interesting?
Like, I've heard some dating coaches say that they think that men aren't really competing with other men.
They're competing with like Netflix.
They're competing with like the latest event, brunch, like that sort of thing.
Like, what's your, oh, you think they are coming?
I think they're, what, what are they thinking?
What?
Well, how are they?
Like, like, for example, if you ask a girl on a date on a dating app, it's like, it's not like it's you or another guy.
It's like a dater, like, watching.
Another guy.
I don't know what you guys are coking with.
It's another guy.
Who's taking your name?
I just, I just take the notes.
Who is she watching just the Netflix with?
These guys are delusional.
So how much does a girl have to see you for you to know she's like into you or you're not like side dude or something?
No.
So you've ever been dating a girl and found out she had a whole boyfriend or husband?
No.
A whole boyfriend and stuff.
I try to figure it out ahead of time.
Just because like on a like do as you want others to do to you type deal.
If I know she's married or engaged or anything.
They don't always tell you.
They don't always tell you.
That's a problem.
Right.
I'll still, I will not talk to her at all.
Right.
It's very intractive.
But if she doesn't tell me, that's where it gets tricky.
Right.
Because I'm like, fuck.
Right.
And as a guy, you have a choice.
Do I tell the other guy?
Do I not tell the other guy?
Have you ever told them?
No.
No.
That's at that point.
Girls are so, like you said, vindictive.
Yeah.
You're clear of that.
That problem.
Because again, it's just a headache.
If she's willing to do stuff like that behind her husband's, behind her boyfriend's back, imagine what she's going to do to a stranger.
You know what?
I snitched once and I'll never do it again.
Never again.
They're so vindictive.
They stayed together.
And I was like, now this is awkward.
Yeah.
And even.
And then I was the villain.
I'm like, fuck you guys.
It happens, right?
It just happens.
She's jealous.
I'm like, you're right.
I am.
And so it happens, but you can't control, like, because women have game too.
Yeah.
Women have game.
Yeah.
Right.
But to answer your question, usually girls do have guys that are like, oh, I'm talking to him.
And they're always measuring their options.
Yeah.
They're always measuring.
Because girls do want to get.
They do want to have, even if it's just marriage and on paper, like they don't want to be a wife.
They just want to be married.
You've heard that, right?
Yeah.
They do want to get married.
And so they always have the options going.
You'll know when a girl drops you or drops everyone else when the level of attention significantly goes up.
When she's like, can I come over today, tomorrow?
And she wants to stay over.
She's calling you every day.
She wants to FaceTime you.
She's texting you first.
That's when you know she dropped everyone, right?
Because that takes a lot of effort for a girl to be that emotionally invested into someone.
Usually what happens is she has five guys chasing her and she's entertaining maybe one or two of them or three.
And how many would you say she's sleeping with versus like take going on dates?
What do you mean like entertaining?
So I've talked to a lot of women, right?
And this is the funny part.
She might entertain like two or three where she's making them work for it.
Take me on a date, do this, right?
And those guys are not bad guys.
And I'm not saying they have terrible game or atrocious.
It's just they're just naive.
Right.
But then she goes out with her girlfriends and she meets the guy who she sleeps with.
Yeah.
Right?
And the guy doesn't want anything.
Right.
So that creates that dynamic.
That's the most popular dynamic.
Yeah, exactly.
And so you see that dynamic law.
And then she goes back.
She's sexually satisfied.
Right?
Because she's like with this guy.
Yeah.
And the other three are still entertaining her.
And so it's a win-win for her.
She's just winning all around.
Right.
And the chat's winning all around.
The other guys can listen to her problems.
What did the chat have to do?
You're cute.
Right?
Here's a $3 beer.
Yeah, that's so true.
Here's my $3 beer and a $6.
Have you ever heard a girl come over after a date?
Yeah.
So this is okay.
This is the most, and I think guys will experience.
I think the bigger the thought, the more the crazier thing she does.
There's been times where the girl calls me in front of her date and she's like, yeah, I'm headed over like in front of the date.
Right?
So girls do that type of stuff.
What?
Like in the date.
And did the guy know that she was.
No.
No.
Who did he think she was on the phone with?
She called me Jesse the whole time.
Right?
Think about it.
What is he going to do as a date?
Right?
What?
I mean, you just met the girl.
What is he going to do?
Well, Rover react.
Most guys don't want to be confrontation with a chick.
Yeah.
But that has happened.
I've had girls get dropped off at my place after a date.
Right.
And, but this is also the thing that you realize for most guys, right?
When you're a high-value guy, you will experience these things.
But yeah, you do get that.
What are they saying?
Are they chatting on?
Damn.
They're just saying how women play games, that sort of thing.
Yeah.
Well, they're playing.
What's the most savage thing you've seen?
Well, women do play games, but that's because they are not playing.
They got to learn to play the field.
Yeah.
You know, they refuse to do it.
But the most savage thing from a guy or from a girl?
It would give me both.
All right.
For I love dating coaches have the best stories from over the years.
For a guy, I have a guy friend who has an apartment, but then he has another apartment for his hookups.
That's just like whatever.
And he's married, right?
That's bad.
Well, that's, yeah.
I mean, I've heard of that.
Yeah.
But for a girl, you're so desensitized.
You're like, that's another date.
I was like, that's it.
For girls.
Wait, so what did he do?
He just had a second apartment?
He just had a second apartment.
Yeah, and he would go out and he would just like hook up with the girls there.
I think.
Did he have a full girlfriend or something?
No, he's like married.
No, I mean, yeah, but that doesn't stop him.
Doesn't it?
But did he have, I mean, did he have side chicks or a full no, yes, he had everything.
Oh, okay.
But if you think about it, like, I think, let's say you as a wife, right?
There's no way she didn't know.
There's zero way.
Right?
But the guy's loaded.
You know what I'm saying?
So I think she's okay with that.
You just might as well assume.
Yeah.
Just assume that there's assumptions.
All men cheat and all women are worse.
Perfect.
The world's going to go nowhere.
But that being said, with girls, I mean, what I just said, I think is pretty savage.
I haven't met girls like that, but I've heard, have heard on other podcasts, like the stuff like porn stars doing stuff like that, that is pretty crazy.
But I think what have you seen for girls that it's pretty savage?
Because I don't have much info on girls, right?
On guys, I do, but on girls, I don't.
There is a girl in school, and she really didn't have like the reputation of a slave.
She wasn't.
I mean, she wasn't a prude, but she was.
You know, there's like a scale, right?
She was in the middle.
I don't know.
Like, I don't know.
She'd have like a year boyfriend, then maybe hook up, then get another boyfriend, you know, whatever.
So, um, but she dated a guy freshman year, and they like broke up.
And then by the time senior year came around, she had like a new boyfriend.
Okay.
And basically, we were at this, like, do you know what like a dirty is?
Like a date.
Yeah.
So basically, I'm in line to go to the bathroom there, and I'm like, this bathroom's taking forever.
I'm like, what the hell?
And I'm like, sitting there for like 20 minutes.
And then I see her come out with the guy from like freshman year.
Yeah.
Even though she had the new boyfriend and he wasn't at the part, like he wasn't, he was coming though.
So he came like right after.
And he didn't know his girlfriend just got like banged out in the bathroom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they're still together to this day.
Wow.
I wasn't about to say that.
He has to know.
What?
He has to know.
I don't know.
You think he's naive?
Yeah.
Probably.
I think he has no idea.
Yeah.
No, because she was like, she was a good family, good parent.
Like, I don't think you would really guess.
Wow.
So that was pretty.
That was pretty like crazy.
That was the craziest thing I saw, like probably ever.
Because you saw it firsthand.
Yeah.
But she didn't know.
It's kind of awkward because she didn't know I knew.
Yeah.
Because where I was sitting, because it was so long that like I was kind of in, like, they couldn't see me.
And I was like, yeah.
But a little bathroom action.
I wish him well, but do you know what?
I snitched the year before on someone else and it just backfired on me.
Itchy, bro.
I stopped.
I learned my lesson.
I stopped because they stayed together and it was so like.
Now you're the bad one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm like, I'll shut up.
Yeah, it never works.
Like, guys love to say, yeah, I hope someone tells me.
And then they overreact and they blame it on the guy.
No, but half the time the guy stays.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's the, because it's like, I think it's too hard for them to replace her a lot of the time.
They don't want to go.
See, that's a problem.
I think it'd be good questions to ask your chats, like, what's holding them back from getting better?
Right?
It's like a lot of work, right?
It's a lot of work.
Yeah.
But it's anything is a lot of work.
What do you think?
Because some people are like, this isn't worth it.
Like, why even play the game?
Like, what do you think to people that like just want to bow out?
You know, do you think like for some people?
I think they're losers.
Okay.
No, I think it's a loser mentality, right?
It's like going to play a game.
Oh, why even try if I know I'm not going to win?
It's a loser mentality.
Right.
You want to change that mentality.
And that's probably the way they're looking at dating is probably the way they're looking at careers and health.
Yeah.
Right.
Oh, I already weighed 300 pounds.
It's like neuroticism.
Yeah.
It's a bad mentality to have.
That's some loser mentality.
And that's a most guys watching is I hope if you're over 25 and you have that mentality, this is a reality check for you.
That is the way a loser thinks because you're not improving.
You're not growing.
And it's not a hopeless end.
No, there is hope.
You're just giving up on it.
Because I can guarantee you the same guys that are doing that have some sort of simping behaviors online.
Yeah.
Right?
I can guarantee you for a fact.
And so it's just, yeah, it's cognitive dissonance on that level.
They want to know what are some strategies we can employ to reduce the chances of false accusations after dates.
Yeah, make her be into you.
Right?
So this is what happens with a lot of the pickup world and the dating scene.
So because a lot of dating coaches weren't versed on what it's like to actually have a girl attracted to you.
Right.
If you're natural and girls have been attracted to you your whole life, you understand when a girl's attracted to you.
Right?
She chases you.
She pursues you.
You get what it's called the female gaze nowadays.
It's a new term.
So you do all these things, but a guy that doesn't know that is getting taught, it's like the blind leading to the blind.
It's getting taught by another dating coach who also doesn't know how to experience that, but he's trying to look at it from the outside.
But he's analyzing what the guy is doing from the outside.
And he's saying, oh, the guy then touched her and escalated her.
When in reality, the girl escalated on him first.
She broke the touch barrier first.
She did all these things.
And so the way to avoid false accusations, number one, is to make sure that, well, she is actually into you and that you didn't like push your way in.
Right.
A lot of times when I go home with a girl and my students do, the girl is the one pulling him.
The girl's saying, hey, by the way, I have vodka at my place.
You don't have a drink at my place.
That's one.
Or she's like, hey, we could watch a movie at my place, which is funny.
When a girl pulls you back to her place, when a girl does the work, girls come up with like the dumbest excuses to get you back home, right?
Um, so the girl's doing that, that's 100% guaranteed that she's into you, she wants you.
There's gonna be no accusation, right?
Another thing I like to do is make it an experience, right?
Take pictures with her, right?
If you do have um Snapchat, for example, take a snap with her, right?
Have fun with her, but you actually have to have fun.
Again, the good intention has to be there.
If you're on there on a date, right?
If you're both on the same page, I'm either gonna sleep with her, she wants to just something casual.
We're both kind of like looking for short-term on the app, they filtered it for that.
Perfect.
Then you know it's more likely both casual, right?
The problem arises when the guy lies that he wants a long-term thing, but he knows deep down.
He's just looking for a hookup, yeah, right?
And they don't realize some girls are cool with that.
Some girls are cool with that.
Yeah, a lot of girls are cool with that.
Yeah, there's a reason on dating apps, short-term is an option, looking for fun.
Yeah, if you filter by that, there's literally tons of girls that are looking for that.
Yeah, and guys don't understand that, right?
One of the things I like to do when I, you know, have breakfast with chicks and something, I was like, by the way, is that just casual, or do you like want a second date?
I asked them straight up, do you want a second date or do you want something casual?
Most of the time, they're like, casual's fine, it's up to you, especially in bigger cities.
You go to New York, casual is the name of the game, right?
In New York City.
So don't be afraid of that.
If you go in there with that intention and you're both on the same page, number one, it reduces that risk.
Right.
And number two, take dating advice from people who actually have gone girls their whole life, not guys who are analyzing from the outside that are misinterpreting what's going on and the dynamic between a natural and a girl who's attracted to that guy.
So be careful who you take the advice from, is number two for sure.
And what about, like, do you think ring cameras, getting texts, and everything like that?
Yeah.
Everything, right?
I think, for example, when a girl's into you, and I think guys don't realize that when a girl's into you, she will text you, right?
And my go on my Instagram, I have some posts of text that I've received.
Hey, Jesse, I really like you.
I don't want to lose you.
Right?
Hey, when am I going to see you again?
It's been a while.
Right?
Girls hit me up after a year.
Hey, I'm in Vegas.
Excuse me.
I'm in Vegas.
Can we hang out?
Okay.
So it's a chasing thing.
Anything that implies that she's chasing you avoids that dynamic.
Right.
So what's another way of chasing right?
When you take videos, you could tell by body language, right?
When you see a guy and a girl together from the outside, right?
You can see when the girl's like super into the guy.
Oh, yeah.
You can see that.
It's like, have you seen the Ravello or whatever?
Yeah, exactly.
And so any chasing behaviors that she's displaying, right?
Chasing is a harsh word because girls are like, oh, I don't want to chase.
Guys are like, oh, I don't chase girls.
Chasing, nobody likes chasing.
That's what it is.
Right?
You're just signaling that you're attracted to someone.
Right?
You're trying to mate.
Mating call.
So anything that demonstrates that, whether it's through picture, video, voice notes, text messaging, that all works.
And what are like dating like a bunch of women?
What are the biggest mistakes that you see women make?
Self-sabotage is the biggest one.
Okay.
For women.
Because women, when they meet a guy and they fall in love with that guy, the biggest one is women like stability.
They like status quo.
Right.
And if you date, because again, the guys I work with are very high-value driven guys.
Right.
And so those type of guys are always taking risk.
They're always aiming to be better and better and work harder and harder.
Right.
And so what you see is that the girl doesn't want the guy to take those risks because it ruins her status quo.
Or she gets insecure and says, oh, wait, this guy's going to leave me if he gets too successful and they get insecure about it.
Right.
Or they start getting older.
Yeah.
Or they start getting older.
Okay.
And so though, they start self-sabotaging their relationship in many different forms.
materializes by gaslighting, keeping the guy down, ruining it purposefully, cheating on him, right?
Subconsciously, girl snipe increases because you're not giving me attention or whatever, but she knows.
What is cheating subconscious?
How do you subconsciously?
Because she doesn't go with the intention, I'm going to cheat, right?
But deep down, she knows that she has to ruin the relationship because she thinks he's going to leave.
Exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
So it's a subconscious.
It's like women's biggest fear getting traded for you.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So it's a self-sabotage.
It's the number one thing women do.
And do you think it's like ever a valid fear?
Like he might do that?
Yeah.
It is valid.
It's a valid, super valid fear because, and this is why I think it's valid for women, right?
Because she knows, okay, well, he doesn't, he's super successful.
He's always working on himself, right?
Yeah.
Women are throwing himself at him.
I'm only getting older.
It's normal, right?
But I think this is where the relationship, right, where you hang on to the relationship comes in.
You wear a different hat.
This is when you sit down with her and you provide her with that reassurance, right?
Like, hey, babe, I know you've been saying these things about the success.
Are you afraid of me getting more success?
I'm going to have that open relationship with her.
Do you think it's going to destabilize a relationship?
Be open about it.
I really like how you're concerned.
It tells me a lot.
But you have to have those open, hard conversations with her and have that reassurance because as men in the relationship, you also have to lead her emotions.
It's not just leading physically and stuff like that into a dream, right?
Into like the dream journey.
It's also leading her to realize her mistakes, right?
It's also almost like coaching her.
Like, hey, no, you're self-sabotaging.
I pick up on it because I'm more experienced than you and I'm the man in the relationship.
I want to fix this.
That's true leading in a relationship.
Right.
And so you have to have that as a man for the relationship to work out.
Because women, they're followers, right?
They're submissive by nature.
And so they won't self-analyze to that level.
Whereas a guy, if you do that, that relationship's going to be very successful.
So you actually recommend they have a conversation.
And have you seen that fix the problem?
Yeah.
Really?
So again, relationships are tough.
You're never going to agree on anything.
Yeah.
There's always going to be certain issues that come that arise throughout your relationship, right?
But the ones that are successful are the ones that communicate it.
And there's ways to communicate, right?
Communicating is not, hey, why the fuck are you doing that?
That's not communicating, right?
You have to start it soft, right?
And there's a way to communicate.
And the relationships that do communicate and they are very empathetic to what the other person is feeling, those are the relationships that do really, really well.
And there's a way to do it, right?
Because I talk to guys, not just, hey, I'm a virgin.
Hey, I, I, you know, so you do like long-term coaching.
Long-term as well.
I have guys that come to me and say, hey, my relationship's kind of like shaky right now.
We talk about it, right?
And they're not doing these things.
Wait, hold on.
So in the past six months, these four things bothered you.
Yeah.
Have you talked to her about any of those four things?
No.
Okay.
Now, what things have you done that you think might have bothered her?
This, this, and this.
Has she talked to you about it?
No.
But why do you think those bother her?
Because of her attitude.
So you guys have these things that are bothering each other, but you haven't discussed it.
No.
Okay.
Bring her on the Zoom call.
All right.
Let's start.
Oh my God.
So you do it with both of them?
Yeah, because relationships are not about just hooking.
That's what I said, right?
When you start, remember, if you're a good long-term partner, the hookup is going to happen.
Right.
Right.
If a girl notices, oh, this guy has his shit together, he works out.
He's polished, right?
He, you know, he makes me, he flirts good.
He makes me feel good.
He's comfortable with me.
All these things.
And then you add on top of that, and he knows how to communicate.
Right.
Wow, I've never talked to an emotionally mature man, man, like this.
And she's like, I want to date this guy, right?
And because now she feels so comfortable, you displayed those traits.
She has no problem sleeping with you.
You get what I'm saying?
So, I'd rather teach guys how to be good long-term partners and then learn how to hook up and build that attraction, that flirting for that.
And you become the best of both worlds for the girl.
And so, a lot of guys miss that.
A lot of guys don't have that.
And so, that's why they aren't able to retain that relationship.
Have you ever seen a marriage that you would want?
A marriage that I want.
So, like a couple, like you know, it's interesting.
I, there's very few people I find that like have one that they would want.
I'm gonna read a super chat really quick, but think about the question.
Yeah, no loser here is my outlook on life as a positive reality.
Um, you literally get paid and have an incentive to sell the reality that all guys can achieve this, but there's not enough desirable women in the numbers.
Yeah, guys, a loser.
It can do anything about it.
So, good.
No, but this is what I'll tell you about that.
You need to build positive momentum to get out of that mentality.
You need to be surrounded by people that help you build that momentum.
Yeah.
Okay.
Think about it like this.
If you have that momentum, you're hanging out with David Gargins, right?
It's not going to work.
It's not going to work, right?
And so, you meet those people in your life, right?
So, the friends I hang out with, because I feel like that sometimes too.
It's normal.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'm sure you feel like that too, but I'm like, well, it's fucking useless, right?
And then growing up as a kid, you might have done it and your dad's like, no, no, no, shut up.
Go, right?
No, I'm pretty blackpilled.
Yeah, you're like me.
Yeah, because we have to.
You don't sound blackpilled, though.
But I think, like, oh, so you think it's hopeless?
Oh, yeah, I do.
I do.
I'm going to let you like, you know.
Yeah, so, no, but I'm saying it's like, I just think, like, statistically, it probably won't work out.
But, I mean, you can have a good time for the time being.
Yeah, because, like, statistically, these guys aren't willing to work on it.
This is where, this is where they fell off.
Yeah, but like, Tom Brady couldn't, you know.
Well, that's different.
So I know that's cliche.
That's different, right?
But this is what I'm saying.
I follow Leonardo DiCaprio's access.
They don't do too well in my head.
I think What's Her Face is next?
La Blake Lively.
Oh, yeah, she's 100%.
Yeah, next.
She's already done.
Yeah, done.
Once they date Leo, they're done.
Yeah, the news in Hollywood lags.
No, but what I was saying is we can't incentivize young men to keep that mentality.
You know what I'm saying?
We have to incentivize these men to think that no, they can do better.
Now, there's also a reality check where it's like, well, dude, you're a six, right?
You're a six.
If you work on yourself, you could work yourself to a seven or an eight.
A guy can always date two or three points above.
Yeah.
Always.
Always.
But every guy can be above average or average or above average if he works out, takes care of himself, wears nice cologne, is polished, good haircut.
Yeah, I guess I'm more blackpilled on like marriage, but I'm like, but I do think it's like the girl, women are giving out up to everyone.
It might as well be you, guys.
It might as well be you.
Yeah, exactly.
So you might as well, like, you could still, like, I met a fat guy at a bar the other, and he was showing me his rotation.
And I mean, he was doing well, right?
I mean, to be fair, I mean, they had sleeves and what, but they're pretty hot.
I'm like, it's probably good enough for most guys.
He's enjoying it, right?
But this is what I'm saying.
He doesn't have the victim.
I asked him who his favorite was, and he's like, whoever shows up that I like that guy.
Whoever shows up, so listen, I could guarantee you that guy's 10 times happier than anybody who has that other mentality.
You know, I could guarantee you that guy's 10 times happier.
But he's blackpilled too.
He just expects it's not going to be a long-term.
He's probably never.
He's leveraging it, right?
One thing that I will say is that you're not going to be able to do it.
You can't change the world.
I just accept it.
One thing that I'll tell you about marriage and that type of mentality is just it doesn't try to improve it.
Yeah.
You know, because the way I look at it is like, I'm a fighter, right?
Right.
It's like, I want, I want to improve the world because if I do have kids, I want to have a good world for them.
Right.
And that just, that doesn't help.
Right.
So again, I'll go back to the simping and stuff like that.
That's why I preach.
Delete your social media if you're simping.
If you're not monetizing it, if you're not working on it, delete it.
What's the point?
Yeah.
Right?
Go work on yourself, right?
Pick up that communication skills.
And now, when I say communication skills and attraction stuff like that, it goes beyond women, right?
Because this is what happens when I coach a guy, right?
And he's doing better with women.
They get promotions faster, right?
Because now they're more, you know, outspoken at work.
Now they're more confident at work.
Yeah.
Now they're better communicators at work.
Now they're better public speakers.
Right.
Now they have a presence.
When they walk into the corporate room, they have a huge presence.
Right.
And so they climb up the corporate ladder.
Oh, yeah.
When men get female attention, like it changes their whole life.
It changes their whole life.
Correct.
And so when I say work on yourself and do these things, even though there is that aspect of life where it's like, it feels useless, but if communication has to be learned, you have to be a good communicator.
You have to be good at those type of things.
Otherwise, your whole life is you're going to be a fly on the wall your whole life, living like a victim.
Yeah, correct.
I don't like that.
Yeah.
I don't, I don't want to live like that.
I can't.
No.
I can't sell that anything's going to get better.
No, I can't.
Like, no.
No, I just didn't.
I want to ask you something.
So let's say you had to do a rule.
You have to create a rule globally and it's a felony and they break it.
What would be your rule to try to make things better?
I don't think it can get better.
But if you have to.
You'd have to, okay, Sharia law, I guess, but that's not going to happen.
Okay.
I just don't.
Women have like too much power.
I don't see them giving it up.
Like, women aren't going to give up power.
Right.
There's no, like, and the thing is, people have to decide in life if they want to make $8 or $2 because women make 80% of consumer buying decisions.
So there's no incentive for things to get better.
Yeah.
So, I mean, the whole economy, like, I had an economist in here.
Yeah, that's the thing.
I interview a lot of people that are really in the field.
Yeah.
And so I had an economist in, and he just broke down like how the economy is set up, what percent of industries are funded by women.
And like, the power is just.
Yeah, I mean, like, they're not really building single-family apartment complexes.
Like, people aren't going to, women don't.
Really, what it comes down to is women don't want to be mothers and have kids and they're not nurturing.
And like, people used to, I think people used to have the presumption that like women were, like, their women aren't loyal.
And we see this because we get the most freedom.
The line has been blurred, right?
What?
The line between like female roles and male roles has been blurred.
Yeah.
So, but I don't think that means you're going to have a bad life or you can't like date and have a good time.
You know, like, I'm very optimistic about my future.
Right?
I mean, but, but, like, am I going to, I'm not going to sell that most people are going to get married and let me ask you.
So, for example, would you rather a guy have the mentality of like, oh, it's useless or whatever?
Or, like, the other guy who's five foot seven had like a little rotation.
He was like enjoying life.
Oh, people like positive people, right?
I mean, I don't think there's any point in, like, like when I say I'm black pilled, I just am honest about where the world's going.
And when you have kids, you probably have to prepare that they might go to school with kids whose moms are on OnlyFans.
That might be a reality.
Imagine that.
It's probably going to be like one kid, like only children mostly.
Like, people as big as my family, not really going to happen.
That's a future.
I mean, it's not necessarily bad, but that's that's what I see happening.
I think it's definitely going to be some level of split, like almost borderline segregation for those kids whose mothers are, you know, OnlyFans girls and stuff like that.
I think it's so.
You think it's just going to be an everyday?
They're running in politics now.
Like, there is a governor that had a cam account.
Wow.
I can't remember if it was some high political position.
I think there'll be someone elected in a high office that had an OnlyFans then sometime in my lifetime.
Wow.
I think that will happen.
Funded.
I think there will be a female president in my lifetime.
Think like I don't, what is the incentive to stop the way it's how many, like, I know you did a study of like how many girls were on OnlyFans, but let me ask you this: how many guys do you think contribute to OnlyFans and like what generation, right?
Because I think that the real problem, mostly, right?
So, they did a study, it's mostly white Christian married men on OnlyFans, so it's actually the married guys not getting laid, right?
So, it's like the guys that tried to do the traditional thing that kind of take the biggest L's because they're not really the guys, you know, they're taking the girls on dates and you're seeing them after, you know.
That's what I'm saying, too, right?
So, like, you have to attack the problem ahead of time because then you're like, you have that mentality, and you're like, oh, the girl's going to come to me.
And then the girl get picks, she already had her fun, and then she picks you, right?
And you're like, oh, she's such a good girl because she's such a good player of the game.
She knows how to hide all that stuff.
Correct.
Right.
And you're naive.
Correct.
And now, 10 years later, you're like, oh, I had to pay for OnlyFans because my wife's not having sex with me.
Correct.
Right.
And then it's a repeating cycle.
And then another guy sees that.
And the same shit happens.
Eventually, he's going to change his mind.
And then he goes back in that loop.
And so I'm saying the way to stop that loop is to stop that mentality.
Work on yourself.
Stop simping.
Learn communication and get out the way.
Well, I do think what you guys do is really important.
I mean, that's why I bring like guys like you.
And I've had a couple others on because it's really the only leverage men have is other women and like being the ability to replace women.
What else do you have as a man?
You don't have the police.
You don't have media.
Like you, we have everything on our side.
Men don't have anything.
So I think it's got to change, right, for guys where you kind of like stand up for it and say, okay, how could I attack this problem?
Yeah.
But again, guys don't want to put that work in.
It's a lot of work.
And then you add on to that.
And that's why the top 1% of men do deserve all the women.
They're putting all the work in.
That's true.
Right?
Yeah.
They're putting in, as like, they're putting in what, the financial, the health, all that stuff.
Bro had no answer for a valid point, but an ad hominem.
Sorry.
I do have to read these.
He's not informed, but he is serving a purpose.
Well, sorry.
Well, I don't know.
I think it's important, to be honest, because you actually give people solutions.
So where do you think people can like find you?
Instagram is the biggest one.
Okay.
Right.
And then YouTube, obviously.
Cool.
It's Jesse Steele.
Yeah.
Well, thanks so much for coming on.
I appreciate it.
Thank you, Pearl.
It was awesome being here.
Guys, we just did like a ton of content yesterday.
If you guys do want step-by-step solutions to some of your dating problems, he went in depth and answered a lot of stuff.
So that's going to be in the school group.
If you could just make sure it's the first link in the description.
So make sure you guys click that, like the video on your way out.
And I think that's, we're going to probably do a show later tonight.