CONTACT US: Email: paranaughtica@gmail.com Twitter: @paranaughtica Facebook: The Paranaughtica Podcast Contact Cricket: Website: www.theindividuale.com Twitter: @Individualethe Hello and welcome to the show.Today, we are remembering those brave souls who were daredevils and loved every moment of it. They did a whole lot of crazy things to claim the world record for a wide variety of sports and other things you could say are similar to every day occurrences and every day life as we live it. But the people who are the subjects of our stories today took those daily things to the extreme, you know, to win a Guinness world record. They are pretty intense. They’re sad. But they are real. And they deserve the attention so as to not let them all fade into the shadows of history.At any rate, let’s get this show on the road. Let’s tighten-up those velcrow bootstraps and start rolling around the room. To check out a small batch of Coops’ music, go to this this link — https://on.soundcloud.com/Q1XRaY9WSpzawV9r7 CHECK YOUR LOCAL WATER TREATMENT LEVELS: EWG Tap Water Database ***If you’d like to help out with a donation and you’re currently listening on Spotify, you can simply scroll down on my page and you’ll see a button to help us out with either a one-time donation or you can set up a monthly recurring donation. ko-fi.com/paranaughticapodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We're going to do something we haven't done in a while.
A Mad Lib.
All right.
So off the bat, just give me a plural noun.
Wafers.
Okay.
All right.
Perfect.
Do we have any news off the top of the hour here?
Do we have any news to get started?
I don't know.
A couple interesting bits of news.
In gaming news, the game of the year might only cost $20 on release.
Hollow Knight Silk Song has come out and shattered all kinds of release records for an indie game.
It just came out like a few days ago with their massive development team of three and their crazy long development time of eight years.
Apparently they've spent the whole time working on it.
Eight years.
It's just insane because the first game maybe took them a year and a half, two years to make.
So yeah, that's a long time to fine-tune that thing.
Like, it's got to be massive.
I've made it quite a ways into it.
It's on the harder side, but they're kind of also like they have to straddle that line of pleasing the players who've already played the first one while also not turning away the people that are just trying it out now because they hear about the hype that's just built.
But yeah, no advertising, just a release out of nowhere.
Like, they appeared on the Nintendo Direct as part of the Switch 2 announcement, and everyone was just like, wait, that game's actually coming out finally.
Comes out of Australia?
I'm not sure where Team Cherry was based.
Published by Australian independent developer Team Cherry.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, they must be Australian.
I had no idea where it came out from.
What is this character?
The character you are now is Hornet, which everybody's calling her Silk Song, because that's the name of the game.
And, you know, just like Link is Zelda.
But, like, what is it?
Oh, he's a bug.
Everything in the universe is bugs.
Okay.
The second one is based on a loose storyline of a whole bunch of bugs going on some kind of like mystical pilgrimage.
It's really a very beautifully made game.
The art style is pretty and like kind of homey.
At the same time, it's also a really tough game that will absolutely let you get destroyed if you're the least bit bad at reflexes.
Acquire some good reflexes.
Explore, fight, and survive as you ascend to the peak of a land ruled by Silk and Song.
Yep.
It's got 30, almost 39,000 reviews already on Steam.
It is an absolute smash success.
Hit like over half a million concurrent players on Steam alone.
And I mean, you got to keep in mind it released on everything.
PlayStation 5, PlayStation 4, Switch 1, Switch 2, Xbox, Xbox X, Xbox SIX, or whatever they call it now, because they realized it was going to be the Xbox 6 if they stuck with what they had.
Well, that says a lot because this is just an independent game.
And they released it on every game platform.
That's pretty nuts.
Yep, it came out on everything.
And I mean, it runs on a low or on what would be a low-end PC nowadays.
So, you know, you don't necessarily have to have a high-end thing for this.
But yeah, quite a success story for what people initially dismissed back when it was posted about as just like a Castlevania clone.
I thought it looked pretty interesting.
I tried it out back in the day when I just happened to learn it was a thing and then saw it and it happened to be on sale at the same time.
And it's pretty crazy to think that this many years later, That thing made more money than a good 90% of AAA releases already.
Watch, it'll beat GTA 6.
Yep, and that 20 bucks a pop, no less.
I mean, they're like, you know, yeah, you know, they're not making as much as selling it for 60, but at the same time, so many people will dip their toes into it for that price and just get it.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Game of the year, were it not for Night Rain?
I'm still between those two.
Well, that's sweet.
What other news we got?
Well, there was one interesting bit of news that I'd been following with morbid curiosity over the past couple weeks.
The whole Scottish girl video story.
I don't know if you ever saw this one.
It was pretty heavily suppressed.
Like, initially, I wasn't even sure if it was staged or not.
Like, it's basically this dude filming this, like, I don't know, like, younger, like, teenager, just before a teenager girl, like, telling her to, like, show some weapons or show the knife or something like that.
And she brandishes, like, this, it was a hatchet and a cleaver, basically.
Like, like, basically a kitchen tool and a gardening tool.
Yeah, she had one in each hand, right?
People dubbing her the Scottish princess and stuff.
Yeah, like, yeah, like, like, they kind of romanticized the whole incident.
Like, I think there was a, I feel like there's something a little bit darker there.
Because the way the story played out, it's really bizarre.
So here's the, so here's the mainstream side of it.
Aren't they two sisters?
Apparently, it's at least three sisters.
Oh, shit.
The third one is apparently left out of the original story, but she got sent to the hospital or whatnot.
At least that's what people on the internet were claiming.
The interesting part of this story isn't so much the video and all that, but the competition between the mainstream news narrative and the social media narrative, which really demonstrated why they needed censorship.
Because when this broke on the initial mainstream news, in spite of this whole video coming out beforehand, and then whoever this dude is, this wannabe gangster according to his own description on freaking thing, they somehow missed that in his glowing review later.
Like, even though he's the one who uploaded it, they neglected to mention it in the initial story they reported.
They just reported that there was a girl seen in the park reported with weapons, and that some witnesses saw her who had them, and that she was arrested for possessing offensive weapons.
And, you know, like over time, the story kind of evolved more into people claiming that she got assaulted.
The authorities never quite went that far, I feel like, because they were afraid of getting sued afterwards.
Yeah.
But there was this whole competition between just like this dude, like, named some, like, random ex-account, like, what I would consider, like, not necessarily even a trustworthy one.
Maybe they are.
I have no idea.
Someone needs an aesthetica.
I guess I just trust everybody, though.
Right.
But he said he talked to the girls and the mother, you know, and said that they got the real story and that the real story was apparently that they were following him around and hitting on them, which is, of course, you know, sounds rather creepy.
I guess it was the dude and like his sister.
And what they're all teenagers?
All three sisters or teenagers?
Yeah.
Like 12 and 14 are the two ages that I know of, two of them.
And so like, you know, they were following around, supposedly hitting on them, they claimed, and they told them to go away or whatever.
And then freaking said they attacked him and they beat him up.
Which supposedly, like, supposedly how she said it happened is that they attacked her and then kicked her while she was on the ground and then ran off after that.
And there's a whole story about how like when they pretended initially not to speak English when they first got like arrested, but they didn't hold and arrest them.
Probably so the story could exclude them originally.
Right.
It was super messed up.
Like, because the thing that really broke this apart, though, because, you know, there's the one narrative on this side, and then the cops releasing another thing once they get this other story where it's like, you know, this third girl got beat up by these two and taken to the hospital.
And so this second story is, you know, after this in like the future as he's like going up and like harassing them possibly again or just they're approaching him with weapons saying stay the hell away from my sister in the future.
Like either way.
And he uses it for his advantage.
And then the cops release something after that saying basically, you know, oh, you know, she was arrested for being possession of offensive weapons and she approached them.
Still doesn't say that she threatened or assaulted them, I noticed.
But at least acknowledged that they were like in the group and then warned against sharing misinformation on social media.
And I'm like, so in other words, your butt hurt that the fucking real story's leaking out.
And so as this is happening, the news conveniently, you know, like even though there's this anonymous like account saying it's the mother, like on one side, they do a glowing review talking to this freaking like wannabe gangster guy and like introduce him as Ali Dumana, the Bulgarian father.
Sounds suspect.
You know, like Ali Dumana, the Bulgarian.
The Bulgarian father, which kind of sounded like Marilyn father, kill Mara Brego Garcia.
So what the fuck is the deal with this?
Like, aren't these sisters, they were missing or something?
They ran away from home.
Well, see, like, yeah, like, that's the other thing.
That's the other part is in the past before that, there was a report that they were missing for a while, and then they came back.
So, like, these kids are effectively like street urkins, like, the kind of vulnerable kids that would be, could potentially be targeted by traffickers and whatnot, and that's where this shit gets dark.
By Muslim rape gangs?
Because, yeah, because you see, apparently, well, normally it's apparently Muslims normally, but in this particular case, it's actually Bulgarian gypsies.
Bulgarian gypsies that had a rape gang busted recently.
No shit.
So people started putting two and two together.
And then as the news is like writing this dude a glowing review and even going over his social media and glossing over the wannabe gangster part and him like, you know, living in public housing while shelling out all this money and shit and bragging about you hose, just waiting for you hoes to get in my supercar and shit.
Like, you know, basically you wanna be pimp type.
Well, probably not wannabe, if you really think about it.
But that part hasn't been proven yet.
So I'll just say allegedly.
There you go.
Or not even allegedly at this point, but possibly.
So, you know, like, as it, but, so, you know, like, the news is, like, glossing up this dude, like, writes this whole, like, profile of him as the Bulgarian father.
But then apparently, people start, like, can start, like, going onto his social media where he apparently busts himself.
Because, you see, the news had been leaving out the third sister this whole time.
Yeah, it's the first time I heard that.
She wasn't even mentioned.
Yeah.
But, and so, like, they were just going to push that under the rug and be like, this sinister girl was carrying weapons in the park.
Like, that's all this was.
This guy, this concerned Bulgarian father was just wanting to record it to get evidence of it.
Right.
You know, this Bulgarian gypsy with what some people were saying was a Muslim type name.
And I'm like, oh.
In an area where a Bulgarian gypsy ring had just been busted for grooming gangs.
Unreal.
So he was, yeah, so they glossed him over, but he goes on his social media and accidentally let slip that I didn't hit her.
My sister did.
It's like, oh, wait, I thought you were just being harassed by some psycho with weapons.
Like, what do you mean you hit her?
Hit who?
Oh, there's a girl in the hospital.
What the fuck?
And then, like, the anonymous account goes out and says basically that they're slow walking the release of the documents and stuff.
You know, suddenly we're having a hard time releasing hospital records.
And I'm just like, this whole thing feels like a stitch-up, and it all feels really dark.
It feels like they're covering some real shit up here.
It don't feel right.
Why are they not?
Oh, I know.
It's just initially it just seemed like, you know, maybe like some D-bag harassed some little girls and was a creeper.
But now I'm kind of like starting to wonder like, you know, want to be pimp harassing little girls, trying to hit on a Muslim-like name.
Like, you know, what Muslim-like name in an area where, you know, Bulgarian gypsy in an area where a Bulgarian grooming gang had just been busted.
And so the and, you know, the whole reason this fell apart is simply due to arrogance.
And so the newest update now is finally, after all of this plays out, because I wanted to report on this last week, but I was like, you know, this is still cooking.
Is that the newest update is that now there has been an arrest.
Because of course the dude was stupid enough to say like, you know, well, if I was guilty of something, why didn't they arrest me?
And I'm thinking to myself, like, well, according to the social media posts, they did arrest you and just didn't hold you, so they didn't have to report you as arrested.
Because as long as they just detain and don't book you, you know, they probably don't have to report an arrest.
Right.
So now there has been an arrest in this story where despite plastering the young kids' names all over the previous story, they won't actually name who, but it's just an incident involving a bladed weapon in the park in the Loche part of Dundee.
So it just happens to be an arrest in this previous incident, but we're not going to name who now.
After we run a whole profile about the guy where we're like, here, let's introduce him.
Street Urchins and Berries00:03:41
So now I feel like they're trying to leak it back.
This is starting to be like, I don't know, maybe it is poison kind of moment to me.
Fucking nonsense.
What the hell?
And then, you know, the next story will be like, but if it is poison, here's why that would be okay.
So yeah, like, so even though the initial story just seemed like some social media BS, like the stitch up and the cover-up under it makes me feel like it's covering up a whole lot more.
It's got to be.
It sounds like it is, for sure.
Yeah.
Like I don't necessarily think that they need to romanticize the whole thing and like do the whole like turning her, like giving her the brave heart treatment nonsense.
Yeah.
That seemed a little bit like people just use co-opting the whole incident for their own devices.
But at the same time, people should be walking away from that being like, what the hell?
Why you got to be like carrying that shit in the first place?
What are you preventing them from doing?
That you need that.
Because that's very impractical weapons.
You've got to be improvising it out of panic, basically.
Absolutely.
I did see some video coming out that it shows those girls going out and causing mischief, like breaking shit, doing regular teenage type shit.
Yeah.
So that says to me that there probably is some truth to them being street urchins in their do-wells.
But at the same time, like a lot of people are using it to dismiss the story entirely.
Right.
And that's also why I don't necessarily romanticize the whole incident either, because I'm like, the whole reason I became suspicious was the fact that from the beginning, they didn't want to mention them.
They really tried to keep them out of the story.
And they still are, even after turning around and being like, let's introduce this guy and run a whole puff piece on them.
And then it's like, now let's not involve them in the future developments.
Very interesting.
Like, an arrest was made.
I'm like, something's going on.
Something's going on.
Yeah.
Would it be really messed up is if they arrested the other witness or whatever.
Because there's another person who posted like a TikTok video that everybody got really annoyed with because I guess she was doing makeup along with it.
Because, you know, teenagers follow the trends.
Yeah.
Here's what really happened.
I just putting on makeup and shit.
Ridiculous.
At the same time, I thought, you know, what a great way to bypass censorship because most people watching it will just take it as a mic up application video if they just watched it in passing.
Yeah.
All right.
Give me a give me a plural noun.
All right.
A plural noun.
Berries.
Berries?
Yep.
Like crunchberries?
Like schnauzberries?
Schnauzberries.
Well, maybe not schnauzberries.
Not that I found out what they are.
But sure, maybe schnawsberries.
All right, we'll put schnausberries.
Schnazberries taste like schnazberries.
Okay.
What are we getting into here?
All kinds of fun stuff.
People who die trying to break world records.
Yeah.
Hopefully entertaining agriciveness.
I'm sorry to all of these people, but it'll probably be funny to me.
I'm a morbid ass type.
Some of them might not be so funny.
Mechanical Failure Tragedy00:11:20
Oh, yeah.
Especially if they provoke immense amounts of dread.
Yeah, we're going to get into some pretty intense stuff here.
I mean, nothing like crazy gross or anything, but just random craziness.
Well, that's what I'm talking about.
Some of them are going to be Darwin award types, I feel like.
That's the funny part.
Not necessarily that somebody died.
I'm sorry someone died.
That sucks.
Yeah.
But as the motivational speechers speak, or I was going to say, as the motivational poster says, perhaps your one ultimate purpose in life was to serve as a warning to others.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
So world records.
dying trying to break world records so the first one here it's not it's he didn't this guy didn't die trying to break a world record but he is a world record was I should say a world record holder Most of you know him as Felix Baumgartner.
He broke world record by jumping from the edge of space, quote-unquote space.
He recently died in a tragic accident.
So the extreme athlete died after losing control of his motorized paraglider while flying over Porto Sant El Pidio in Italy.
The news broke a few days ago that he fell around probably a week ago or so now.
That he fell to the ground near a hotel swimming pool, but the cause of the accident was not yet clear.
He was 56 years old.
And Craig Glenday, editor-in-chief of Guinness World Records, said, quote, a parachutist, base jumper, skydiver, helicopter stunt pilot, Felix was never more alive than when staring death in the face.
His passion for pushing the limits of what a human can do culminated in him making that incredible leap from the edge of space in 2012.
An audacious undertaking that rightly made him a household name and earned him his place in the world record books.
Felix became an iconic record holder on October 14th, 2012, when he jumped from a capsule at the edge of space, which would be 38,964.4 meters or 128,852 feet.
Feet.
My voice broke there.
I just hit puberty.
Above New Mexico, United States.
The Austrian Daredevil fell 119,431.1 feet for 4 minutes and 20 seconds or 20 before deploying his parachute and landing safely back on Earth, earning him the record for furthest distance in free fall without a drogue.
See, now that just sucks, though.
Because it sounds like his ship might have malfunctioned, even.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, damn.
The epic stunt, that stunt where he fell that distance, the Red Bull Stratus mission, Stratos mission, also earned him the record for fastest speed in free fall after he hit a speed of 1,357.6 kilometers per hour or 843.6 miles per hour.
That is fast, dude.
That is fast.
That blistering speed also made Felix the first human to break the sound barrier in free fall.
So does that mean if you yell on the way down, it catches up to you?
I guess.
Like, did he make that sound of like when you break the sound barrier, that explosion?
Like when jets do it?
Yeah, like a miniature version of it.
Phew.
Since you're displacing just like a human-sized amount.
Yeah, that's nuts.
His ascent in a helium-filled balloon also earned records for highest altitude, untethered outside a vehicle and largest balloon with a human on board.
And his jump was seen by so many people, 8 million, that it was the largest audience for a live stream ad.
So that dude broke multiple records with that one stunt alone back in 2012.
I think that has since been broken.
And then he got paired.
And then he got killed by a paraglider.
Yeah, he was paragliding and then died.
Damn.
Yeah.
Yeah, it feels like anticlimactic for like an extreme sports kind of guy.
Yeah.
Like, who probably planned at some point to die in some like epic attempt at something that no one had ever done.
Yeah, and he's just out there having a joy, enjoyed ride with the paraglider and ends up dying.
I mean, if he survived, he probably would have broke the record for, you know, highest paraglider crash to survive.
Yeah.
56 years old.
All right, so the first story here.
True achievers never stopped trying, right?
That's right, dude.
I mean, I'll bet the dude was so ballsy, he was probably thinking on the way, like, I wonder if I can just roll this.
Yeah, all right, let's go to the first story here of actual someone who actually died trying to break a world record.
So, this happened just recently, the 5th of August, 2025.
Okay, race organizers at Utah's famed Bonneville Salt Flats have confirmed that a veteran driver has died in a 283 mile per hour crash while trying to break the land speed record.
Driver Chris Rashke lost control of his rocket-shaped vehicle about two miles into the run, according to a statement from the Southern California Timing Association, which runs Speed Week, an event that has been running since the 1940s.
Tributes are pouring in for Rashke, who took home the fastest time of the week at last year's event with a speed of 459 miles per hour.
Again, that's pretty fast.
So Rashki was driving Speed Demon 3, the latest iteration of the team's vehicle.
The Speed Demon team said in a statement that it was deeply devastated by his death.
I mean, what else are you going to say?
I'm deeply satisfied by his death.
We are deeply meh about his death.
Everyone's just like, what the fuck?
deeply mad like imagine them out announcing that we are deeply yeah we gotta be stoic about this guy oh jesus steve watt okay speed demons crew chief told nbc or bbc news that rashke died while performing a test known as a shakedown and that the car wasn't even at half speed We don't know what happened,
he said, adding that there was no known mechanical failure.
The current land speed record for a wheeled vehicle stands at 763 miles per hour, set by Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green in 1997 in Nevada's Black Rock Desert.
1997?
That has not been beat yet?
Holy shit.
Yeah, it's really hard to break the land speed record without, well, having your speed make you leave land.
Right.
Like, it's a constant struggle.
763 miles per hour, dude.
I can't even imagine.
That would be scary, dude.
Well, damn it.
So much for hilarity.
That sucks for him, too.
My condolences.
I am not actually deeply mad about this.
That's terrible.
Again, like, I thought they were going to die trying to attempt it.
Not just like, what the hell?
That's a second word.
He didn't actually die in the attempt.
He died practicing for the attempt.
Practicing for the attempt.
Didn't even hit half the speed when the crash happened.
That's crazy.
Well, speed demons, be safe out there.
Which brings us to our second story.
But first, give me a noun.
Chair.
Chair it is.
Chair it is.
All right, the second story here comes out of September 9th, 2020.
A professional racer and a TV show host, Jessica Jesse Combs, was highly experienced and knew what she was doing, but couldn't prevent a mechanical failure when she was chasing a world record in Oregon.
That day, according to the BBC, her speed was the highest it had ever been.
522.783 miles per hour.
The Guinness Brook of World Records confirmed her achievement.
She had indeed broken the world record previously set in 1976 by stunt woman Kitty O'Neill.
Combs, unfortunately, was declared dead after her crash and didn't live to see her dream come true.
The 2019 attempt was supposed to be Combs' final attempt at achieving the record.
Investigators found that her crash occurred due to a mechanical failure.
According to a press release accessed by USA Today, Combs died because of the trauma inflicted on her head right before the car got fire.
Oh, Jesus.
Quote, based on the evidence collected and examined at the scene of the crash and the evidence recovered by the North American race team, it appears that there was a mechanical failure of the front wheel, most likely caused from striking an object on the desert.
End quote.
Well, that sucks.
I like to think that her soul was allowed to stick around long enough to confirm she broke the record.
I think she knew.
Like, did I make it?
All right, sweet.
Yeah.
I can go to the light.
Man, so she hits her head.
I mean, when it's your life's work, you can stick around for a few seconds just to make sure you did it.
Absolutely.
Hits her head, knocks her out, car catches fire.
That's one of the worst, dude.
Combs was determined and unafraid.
Now, right before her tragic accident, she posted on Instagram days before that she was set to break the world record.
She said, quote, it may seem a little crazy to walk directly into the line of fire.
Those who are willing are those who achieve great things, she wrote.
People say I'm crazy.
I say thank you.
End quote.
Well, I mean, she did what she loved.
I can't honestly say that anyone was ever going to dissuade her.
No, dude.
That was just inevitably going to happen at some point unless she retired safely.
Like, that was the only other option.
Was going like 30 years and finally being like, okay, maybe I should stop.
Jessica Jesse Combs.
Well, our hearts go out to you and the Combs family.
Yeah.
So, at this juncture, give me a plural noun.
Something crazy.
Something out of the world.
Something just nuts.
Well, now I'm drawing a blank because I'm like, all of those ideas suck.
Something saucy.
Something spicy.
Plural noun.
Tampons.
Tampons, it is.
Tampoons.
Tampons.
All right.
Tampoons.
Yeah.
I mean, tampons, much like these stories, involve a lot of blood and suffering.
Hey, I gotta make it relevant.
Leap of Faith?00:13:28
Gross.
Third story comes to us out of June from June 17th, 2021.
Motorcycle stuntman, Alex Harville, died on Thursday while attempting to break a world record.
He was 28.
Again, this is 2021.
So on June 17th, 2021, Harville was scheduled to perform a ramp jump at the Moses Lake Air Show being held at Grant County International Airport in Washington in an attempt to break a 351-foot record set by Australian biker Robbie Madison in 2008.
This jump would have been equivalent to the length of an American football field from GoPost to Gold Post.
On a practice jump, Harville crashed into the top edge of the dirt landing ramp and was thrown from his bike, flying 20 feet and losing his helmet.
Oh, God.
The accident was filmed by a news crew from KREM in Spokane, Washington, which did not broadcast footage of the crash out of respect.
I will say that the footage is available on YouTube.
Medical personnel were standing by due to the dangerous nature of the stunt.
An emergency medical technician reached Harville about two and a half minutes after the crash.
Harville died en route to a hospital.
It took two minutes to get to the crash scene.
Two and a half minutes.
How do they not have somebody on the sidelines?
That's what I'm saying.
Like you could die is a very real side effect of literally everything involved in this process.
Starting up a dangerous motorbike, you could die.
Going really fast, you could die.
Let's leap it in the air, but you could die.
Everyone wait two and a half minutes away from the site.
Everyone back up.
Oh my god, he's injured himself.
How could this have happened?
Everyone shocked by this?
Yeah, that feels like a really long time.
Fucking way too long of a time for something like this.
It's like you know that a crash could be imminent, so you might want to have emergency team like right there.
I feel like you'd have an ambulance parked next to the site with like a couple of EMTs just ready to go.
Yeah, you'd think.
But not in 2021.
Like, nah, this is safe, man.
You know, do it.
Breaking world records for jumping height.
The stuntman, Alex Harville, still holds the Guinness World Record for the longest dirt-to-dirt motorcycle jump with a distance of 297 feet, which he accomplished back in 2013.
And you know what?
Nobody can take that from him.
Because even if someone breaks it in the future, he broke it then.
I feel like, who's that really famous, that famous X-Games guy?
What's his name?
The motorcycle dude?
He jumped out of an airplane without a fucking parachute.
Red Bull.
Drank Red Bull.
Jumped out of an airplane without a parachute?
I forget his name.
Yeah, I didn't hear about that.
That was many years ago.
It was a Red Bull stunt he did.
He jumped out of a fucking airplane without a parachute.
After flying for a while, a guy with a harness comes and attaches himself to him.
Oh, okay.
And I was like, I was like, was he expected to be given wings?
Well, like, wait.
Yeah, I feel like that guy, I forget his freaking name for some reason.
I feel like he would have broken this record because that dude's just nothing but a daredevil.
Dang, that's crazy.
That would be so terrifying.
Like, boy, like, what a day if to have somebody have an off day, too.
Right.
Like, oh, I missed you.
Well, sorry, buddy.
There was a guy in the late 90s or early 2000s.
It was on one of those, like, extreme spike TV shows, but he jumped out of an airplane without a parachute.
And they had stacked up these just cardboard boxes and mattresses.
A big area.
Like, this thing was massive.
And the dude fell, like, I don't know, 30,000 feet, whatever, without a parachute and fell onto this big old stack of boxes and mattresses and survived.
Wow.
Yeah, there's video of it.
It's pretty fucking crazy, dude, because like you're that high and you have to pinpoint where this is.
You're like, okay, I think I see the dot down there.
I have to go right towards that.
And you're falling at breakneck speed.
And he didn't have wings or anything either.
You know how people have those like wing thing wingsuits?
He had nothing like that.
Well, and I imagine there's probably a proper way to land from that height.
Yeah, I forget what he did exactly.
It's a crazy video.
It's also on YouTube.
Anyone can go find that too.
Pretty much.
Like, if you go at it wrong, you'll bust your neck.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
That kind of velocity.
Yeah.
and fairly soft because you'd think even like that is hardcore Even a cardboard box hitting a cardboard box at that speed would fucking hurt, you know?
Yeah.
But he fucking didn't.
So what?
Nobody so far has died of like looking too many postage stamps or some shit?
Not yet.
Let's see what this next one is.
So the fourth story here.
I don't think I have anything quite like that, honestly.
I can add this one in here, though.
The most maggots moved by the mouth in one hour, Charlie Bell, a former British steelworker, reportedly carried 37.5 pounds of live maggots in one hour from one container to another using only his mouth.
He didn't die.
He lived.
But that's just disgusting.
I feel like your punishment is doing that.
Charlie Bell, dude, he loves that shit.
He lives for it.
Damn.
That's 17 kilograms.
And staying on the line of maggots.
Anybody died doing the Beard of Bees one?
That's always the world record I think of.
Beard of Bees, yeah.
I don't think anyone's died from that either.
The heaviest beard of bees.
But here's another maggot story.
According to a 2002 report, a British woman...
Why are they all British?
Christine Martin earned the world record for the longest maggot bath, spending 90 minutes bathing in 10 gallons of maggots.
I mean, the grossest part is that people have to build up this many maggots just to do this test.
Yeah, where do you get all those maggots?
Like, they live off dead shit.
So they just have like a bunch of dead animals rotting.
They collect all the maggots.
And then you put them in your mouth.
Delicious.
And bathe in them.
Yeah, I feel like there's other world records you could beat.
Where's Derbyshire?
That's in the UK somewhere, right?
So also British.
I assume.
I could be wrong.
Ken Edwards.
Number of times smashing yourself in the balls with a hammer, with a claimmer?
I don't know.
Oh, my balls.
Oh, my balls.
I mean, I feel like somebody would probably try for it if they would put that up as a record.
Yeah.
Actually, like, sometimes the Guinness Burger Book of World Records will not allow people to do stunts if it, like, endangers their safety or their life or something.
Like, but there's a fine line.
They'll let people jump out of helicopter or out of airplanes and fall free next speed without a parachute, but they won't let people hit themselves in the balls with a hammer.
Well, yeah, that's just kind of silly because, I mean, if you think about it, like 765 feet up in the air, oh, well, thank God that isn't dangerous.
Yeah.
Thank God jumping hundreds of feet isn't dangerous.
But check this one out, dude.
Ken Edwards of Glossop, Derbyshire, ate 36 cockroaches in one minute on the set of the big breakfast on March, in March of 2001.
It's like, is the Guinness Burler Book of World Records just like a bunch of people with weird fetishes thinking, dude, I can get people to do the weirdest shit, man?
Watch this.
Seriously, it is.
It is.
Just go find one at a library anywhere, like an old one, and look through that shit.
And there's so many just random ass world records.
You're like, this isn't, this is just what you enjoy doing.
Imagine like being at a party.
Like, that's me.
World-class cockroach eater.
Yeah, dude.
Everyone knows who Joey Chestnut is, right?
The fucking hot dog eater.
Did he eat something grosser than hot dogs?
Well, not Joey, but the other guy who beat Joey Chestnut by eating more hot dogs, Takuro Kobayashi.
This guy, this Japanese dude, ate 17.7 pounds of cow brains in 15 minutes.
Uh, that is, like, how is that even, like.
Again, is this just someone's fetish?
It's his fetish.
Like, how is this, like, random shit?
Like, oh, this is a legitimate world record category.
I'm starting to really I think we need to petition for smashing yourself in the balls with the claw hammer being added to the Guinness Book of World Records Get some competition going here Be like, come on, you can jump out of an airplane, guys.
Here's a different world record here.
Largest nose hair collection.
Michael Bailey of Springfield, Illinois reportedly had 584 nose hairs in his collection as of 2009.
Well.
Nose hairs.
Congratulations, good sir.
But, uh...
Who collects nose hairs?
Yeah.
Is that the point where he actually likes you actually have a hard time breathing through it?
I don't fucking know what Michael Bailey's issue was, dude.
Like the filter, like his, like, the filtration system must be incredible.
I know, right?
Probably, like, filter toxic waste through your nose.
He's got some other waste.
Yeah, another day at the chemical plant.
I've never smelled anything in my entire life.
Oh, Michael Bailey.
You are something else.
Let's bring it back to the fourth story here where people die.
Die!
Babar Suleiman and his father, Harris Suleiman, were a Pakistani-American father-son pilot duo who were attempting to fly around the world in 30 days to promote education when their single-engine plane crashed into the South Pacific Ocean near Pago Pago on July 22nd, 2014, on the final leg of their journey, which killed Harris and leaving his father, Babar, missing, presumed dead.
It's for education.
They were promoting education, all right?
Oh, okay.
I was like, how's that a world record, though, if you're spending 30 days doing it?
Like, wouldn't that involve layovers?
Layovers and world records don't tend to combine.
They're trying to do it in the fastest time.
So let's see.
Had Babar and Harris completed the trip, they would have set the world record for the fastest circumnavigation of the world in a single-engine plane.
Harris, at age 17, would have also become the youngest pilot to lead such a journey.
Well, imagine the path you have to take through all these different countries and stuff and all the approval you have to set up.
Yeah, it's nuts.
That's gotta suck.
And you can only go a certain way because you can't go north-south or south-north because you can't go over Antarctica or, you know, they won't let you go there.
See, and I just assumed they were recreating that story around the world in 30 days.
Yeah, just recently there was a Japanese pilot.
He landed in Antarctica because that's just what he was doing, like one of these trips like this.
And they arrested him.
They were like, you can't be here.
Because they don't let people without approval land in Antarctica.
You know, I feel like it would have been less obtrusive just to refuel them and send them on his way.
Right, seriously.
Like, that's suspicious as hell.
Very suspicious.
You can't be here.
But why?
What's here?
Shouldn't be anything here.
Oh, yeah, right?
It's just ice.
Why can't I be here?
Am I disrupting the wildlife?
So in this mission, Babar and Harris, their mission was highlighted in the media, and over $3.1 million worth of donations were raised for the charity project following their death.
Well, that sucks.
So at least something good came out of their deaths.
Poor guys, Pakistani Americans.
So they departed Indiana on 19th of June 2014 and were attempting to fly around the world in 30 days.
A 26,500-mile journey with 25 stops in 15 countries.
And with Harris on board, they hoped to break the world record for the youngest pilot in command in history to circumnavigate the earth in a single-engine plane in 30 days.
The Suleimans made pit stops in Iceland, London, Rome, Cairo, and Alan?
Before landing in their native Pakistan.
They then continued their journey en route to Colombo, Kuala Lampur, Bali, Australia, and Fiji before landing in Pagapago in American Samoa.
The Suleimans were on their final leg of the trip flying from Pagapago to Hawaii via Kurabati in their Hawker beachcraft Bonanza 836 before returning to Indiana when their plane crashed into the South Pacific Ocean on July 22nd, 2014.
Only two days before their scheduled return home.
Well, damn, that sucks.
They came so close.
Sad.
So what I'm getting from this overall story is that if you're going to attempt a world record, stay on the ground.
The Largest Viking Poop00:03:40
Yeah, it's...
Your survival rates increase significantly if you do not leave said ground in the process of obtaining these records.
Survival does increase.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
And maybe don't go fast enough to be liquefied.
That's another thing.
And in related news, Kevin Cole of Carlos Bett, New Mexico holds a world record for blowing the longest strand of spaghetti out of a nostril in a single blow.
The 1998 record was set with a spaghetti strand measuring 7.5 inches long.
I always wondered, do they really not measure the largest crap?
Yeah, they do.
Alright.
All right.
I got to look this up because I need to make a, make a statement about this.
Is that a, I always wondered that whenever I watched the South Park episode, I always thought, is that really true?
Do you guys not record the largest poop?
Because I feel like that's still noteworthy.
Yeah, so the longest poop story, and this people thought this was true for a long time, was 26 feet long by some woman.
Was that after like a colonoscopy?
Yeah.
So they laid out like on a bowl, a bowling lane alley lane, right?
And they said this lady Started pooping and then like walk, you know, on her haunches, kind of like walking as she pooped and laid out a 26-foot-long poop.
And there are even photographs of this, but it was, it was fake.
People thought it was real for the longest time, but it was fake.
Disappointing.
Fake bullshit.
Because what a story of triumph and colon cleansing.
And so the largest confirmed piece of human poop is the Lloyds Bank Coprolite, a 9th century Viking fossilized turd measuring 8 inches long and 5 and 2 inches wide.
8 inches long, 2 inches wide, found in York, England in 1972.
This ancient specimen believed to have been produced by a meat and bread-eating Viking riddled with intestinal parasites is now on display at the Jorvik Viking Center.
Imagine being told by your ancestors, like, hey, you've got an artifact that's all about you.
And you're like, oh, really?
What?
Yeah.
Ugh.
They've got your crap.
It's in a museum.
It's fossilized.
That's so gross.
Okay.
Well, I learned something today.
Yes, you did.
That apparently the 9th century put our diet to shame in terms of the horrible shit you'd get from it.
I can say probably like 90% of the people living today, their intestines are riddled with parasites, indeed.
Do a parasite cleanse, ladies and gentlemen.
You won't regret it.
So, after going through all of that, give me a number.
Four.
You don't want to go with 26?
Why not?
26?
In relation to the world record poop that was not a world record.
The length of the poop?
Okay, five, 26.
Okay, 26.
Now let's go to this next story here.
Tragic Young Pilot's Dream00:10:56
The fifth story of our list is Jessica Whitney Dubroff.
All right.
Oh, this is a sad one.
Dude, this one's even worse.
More tragic.
Yeah, this is really tragic because it's a seven-year-old girl.
So Jessica Whitney Dubroff, born May 1988, was a seven-year-old American trainee pilot who died while attempting to become the youngest person to fly a light aircraft across the United States.
Although billed by the media as a pilot, Dubrov was not legally able to be a pilot because of her age.
She did not possess a medical certificate or a student pilot certificate, since a medical certificate requires a minimum age of 16 and a pilot certificate requires a minimum age of 17, according to U.S. Federal Aviation Administration regulations.
At the time of her trip, there was no record-keeping body that recognized any feats by underaged pilots.
Nevertheless, local, national, and international news media picked up and publicized Dubrov's story and closely followed her attempt.
They're like, it's totally illegal, but hey, we're here to cover it.
We'll celebrate it and then arrest the parents.
At 8.24 a.m., Reed's aircraft began its takeoff from runway 30 to the northwest in rain.
Strong, gusty crosswinds and turbulence.
Not a good start.
According to witnesses, the plane lifted off and climbed slowly with its nose high and its wings wobbling.
It began a gradual right turn, and after reaching an altitude of a few hundred feet, the plane rolled out of its turn, then descended rapidly, crashing at a near vertical angle into Cornegate Court, a street in a residential neighborhood.
Her father's name is Reed, and he was a co-pilot.
And he was also killed by a blunt forest trauma in this.
So he was manipulating and controlling the aircraft in this particular flight segment.
So whatever happened, something fucking happened.
They lost control.
But her father was apparently in control of the plane at the time.
That makes sense.
The U.S. National Transportation Safety Board investigated the crash and concluded that the fatality was caused by Reed's improper decision to take off in poor weather conditions, his overloading the aircraft, and his failure to maintain airspeed.
The three factors resulted in a stall and subsequent fatal crash in a residential neighborhood.
The NTSB also determined that contributing to the instructor's decision to take off was a desire to adhere to an overly ambitious itinerary in part because of media commitments.
So yeah, they're laying the blame on the father.
I mean, which is fine, I guess.
The whole thing just sucks.
Like, like, God, why did you do this, man?
And it's like, why'd you do this to set a record that nobody's going to acknowledge?
It's like, what's the record going to be?
And it's like, the record's going to be...
Well, it's going to be moved because nobody's actually going to be willing to recognize it.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, it's awful.
Well, at the time, yeah, at the time they weren't.
And of course, the media was just basically like, ooh, a story.
And then the worst part is they smelled blood after the story turned disastrous, too.
They were only too happy to report on the disaster.
Yeah, could have avoided everything.
But the goddamn media has got to be there and say, hey, look, man, we're fucking here.
You got all this going on.
You called this in to record it and make a report on it.
We're fucking here.
Send that little girl up in that plane.
Yeah, we didn't encourage it by like writing a whole bunch of pieces about this and making them feel compelled to go ahead and do it.
That's the part they kind of left out there, you know?
Like, how much does the media coverage involve like pressuring them into trying to do this during a dangerous period when they could have like just if they if it had just been a more private affair, they could have just done it at their leisure and been like today's not a good day.
We'll say all sorts of bad things about you and your daughter if you don't go up in this plane right now.
We're writing hit pieces about you if you don't go.
Fucking assholes.
Yeah, cruel and heartless father destroys child's dreams.
Right.
Absolutely.
All right, give me a plural noun.
Um aeroplanes.
Aeroplanes.
And to repeat again, to survive your attempt, do one that involves staying on the ground.
Okay, I'm gonna put airplanes with mechanical failures.
Okay.
Mechanically failing airplane.
Or airplanes.
Lots of people have climbed Everest.
Lots of people have died at it.
Other people survived by not going up Everest.
Every day I'm a survivor.
Every day I survive not going up Mount Everest.
All right.
So before we get to the sixth story, give me a noun.
Give me a cool fucking noun right now.
Garret.
Garrett?
Or a Garat?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Sixth story.
In 2015, an expert diver named Guy Garmin, more popularly known as Doc Deep, died while trying to break a scuba diving record.
According to stuff.
According to stuff, Garmin was hoping to inspire others by going on the world's deepest dive.
According to stuff.
Stuff did a deep dive on his deep dive.
He was chasing the record in St. Croix in the U.S. Virgin Islands.
Garmin had arranged for a 1,300-foot or 400-meter weighted line to be anchored in place as part of the dive.
He had a total support team of 28 people, including his oldest son, Kip Garmin.
Kip?
Kip?
He began the dive at 6 a.m. as scheduled.
Initial descent to 200 meters, 660 feet, with members of his support team went as planned.
From there, he was to get to the bottom solo and return to an air station at a depth of 350 feet or 110 meters within an estimated 38 minutes.
From there, he would make a slow ascent.
However, he did not reach the rendezvous point.
And it's nuts, dude.
These guys have to, like, it takes a long time to go back up.
They have to stop at these points because you'll get nitrous poisoning, whatever it's called.
I mean, I hope for his own sake he went unconscious.
That's just the most horrible thing ever.
Everything about being that far underwater just screams ultimate claustrophobia.
Walls are closing in.
Yeah, that's why I don't like diving.
I'm not a diver.
I don't like being up in planes.
I don't like being down in the water.
Just the thought is creepy, being that far down.
It's scary.
Yeah.
10 feet, that's okay.
You know, 200 feet?
That's really too far.
1,300 feet.
No.
Oh, hell no.
No, dude.
No.
Not for me.
As per a statement published by Scuba Board, divers realized something was amiss when Garmin didn't arrive on time.
The statement read, quote, he never arrived at that first stop.
Divers stayed as long as possible and more deep support divers went in to help with a deep vigil, hoping that something had just seriously delayed him.
End quote.
Yeah, so I don't really know exactly.
He must have, uh, he might have gotten nitrous oxide poisoning.
And what happens when that happens, you feel start feeling drunk.
Kind of has the same similar effects of being like really drunk and you just kind of lose your mind.
Oh, nitrogen narcosis.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You go crazy as you've as you suffocate.
It's or he ran out of air.
But you'd think that he would have had some sort of like warning beeper or something.
Anyway, he didn't make it.
He died.
Well, that sucks.
Did he get the record?
I don't think he got the record.
Did they count it?
They should have counted it.
I counted it.
Although, well, I don't know if he actually made it because they do give the record.
If you still die in the process of doing it and you actually beat the record, they still give it to you.
But I don't think he made the record.
Yeah, I guess they can't confirm if he got down there or not.
Yeah, because he was solo.
Technically, you only have to make it there.
Has to be proof.
The getting back up part is just for your own convenience and comfort.
All right.
Seventh story.
From 7-4-2014.
An experienced skydiver has died while taking part in a group world record attempt after her main parachute malfunctioned.
German skydiver, Diana Paris.
Wait a second.
Diana?
Paris?
Hmm.
German skydiver, Diana Paris, was part of a 222-person group formation over Arizona when her main parachute failed and her reserve chute opened too late.
Having trained for 18 months and jumping in good conditions, the skydivers were on their very first attempt to break the record when the mishap occurred.
The team from 28 countries had come to the U.S. to try to break the record for the largest number of complete two kaleidoscope-like formations before deploying their parachutes.
Sadly for Paris, who had taken part in around 1,500 jumps, this would be her last, with her team performing a special skydive in her honor, known as a missing man formation.
Aww.
The team continued their record attempt on Friday, but with 221 skydivers instead of 222.
I mean, I feel like the 222 should have counted.
They were there.
She was there, man.
She was there in spirit.
She didn't have to land it.
They should just give it to her.
Yeah.
That's what I say.
I mean, you died for the privilege.
You should get it.
Who knows?
Look it up, I guess.
Somebody out there, if you care.
Look up, Diane.
And it's Diana Paris.
So, like, you know, Princess Diana died in Paris, France.
Was it in Paris?
Yeah, Diana Paris.
Yeah.
Huh.
I didn't even think of that connection.
That's why I was like, Diana?
Paris?
Hmm.
Anyway.
What's uh, give me a body part.
Give me a really fucking awesome body part.
Uncle Sam Wants Your Toenail Clippings00:05:56
Elbow.
You really love your elbows.
Elbow.
And give me a plural noun.
Make it sweet.
Make it nice.
Make it nasty.
Gary's.
What is it?
That can mean all kinds of different things.
Cherries?
Yeah, that can mean all kinds of different things.
Popped.
There you go.
Popped cherries.
Make it gross.
And give me an adjective.
Something disgusting.
I guess suicing wouldn't be an adjective.
No, it's a verb.
Viscous.
Viscous?
Yes.
Alright.
Viscous.
Viscous.
Which reminds me of Josh Werner of Avon, Connecticut, who slid 2.25 inches of his pinky finger into his nostril in 2011.
And he holds a record for that.
Truly a record for the ages.
Probably had some viscous blood come out after that.
I didn't think it was a thing you'd go for a record on, but good for whoever that is.
Or everyone's heard about this one, the furthest distance squirting milk out of an eyeball.
So did you know that squirting milk out of your eye was a thing?
People do this.
Be proud.
Well, whoever that is is named Ilker Yilmiz of Turkey.
He can apparently squirt milk a distance of nine feet out of the corner of his eye socket.
Well, I suppose anything worth doing.
All that pressure.
It's worth doing right.
I remember when I was a little kid and I first found I could do that.
Like you plug your nose and you just blow really hard and air will come out of the corner of your eye.
Yeah, that sounds awful.
I was bored.
Oh, what the fuck is this?
You want to talk about viscous.
In 2012, Ryan Stock, a Canadian with more free time on his hands than anyone in the world, reportedly set a world record for the most condoms sucked through his nose at once.
See, now I feel like that's something you could legitimately die doing.
And doesn't involve leaving the ground.
Three.
He sucked three condoms through his nose at once.
There's a video of it.
I'm not going to watch it.
Like spaghetti is one thing because it's like well I guess a condom is all lubed up too.
So he was just using dry condoms.
Yeah, most powdered wasabi taken through the nostrils.
Is there a record for that?
I feel like I could shoot for it if there is.
Ugh.
Yeah, it hurts really bad.
I did it once on a bet.
Gross.
Hurts like hell.
Burns for a good hour afterwards.
Really?
How much money did you make on this bet?
I remember you talked about a bet before you only made like a dollar doing it.
How much did you get doing this?
That was like $15.
That was more painful than that.
I wasn't that cheap.
I was only willing to, they had to go a little, you know, sweeten the deal.
That's disgusting.
Well, do you collect your navel fluff?
Your belly button jam?
No, but if I start now, I could have the record by next year.
Every once in a while, I'll look down there and I'll be like, wow, there's stuff in there.
And I pull it out and it feels weird.
Well, get this.
In 2010, librarian Graham Barker of Perth, Australia set a world record for owning the most belly button fluff.
22.1 grams collected over a period of 26 years.
Jesus.
That's dedication for you.
That's a long time of collecting fluff.
I feel like, honey, when we move, we have to take the fluff with.
We leave everything else.
The fluff goes first.
So that's only 0.0485017 pounds.
22 grams.
That's not very much.
I know, but...
Ounces.
You know, and you can see how light the fluff is.
Think about how much volume that takes up.
It's pretty light.
Like how big that jar must be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's probably a lot.
As your disgust grows.
That is so gross.
So there we go.
What about this?
The largest collection of toenail clippings?
Give a guess at how big this collection is.
A number, number-wise.
As an individual clipping.
16 pounds.
No, like get like an actual each toenail clipping count as one.
So how many do you think this person collected?
Oh, each toenail?
Yeah.
Oh, 38,000?
38,000?
Well, 80,000 clippings?
As of 2013, the largest collection of toenail clippings is 24,999.
Yeah, that was close.
I went over.
Compiled by Atlantic Path as part of a scientific study.
I'm sure that's bigger by now.
That's fucking over 10 years ago.
What?
Who the fuck knows?
That's Atlantic.
That's clear like they funded this.
Yeah.
We funded this.
The American taxpayer funded this.
Uncle Sam wants your toenail clippings.
Unreal.
All right, we'll get to the eighth story here.
This comes from March 5th, 2012.
Janica Basniaki, 24, had friends and family lowered him into a 10-foot trench sealed with wood and soil Saturday morning.
At 4 p.m., six and a half hours after he was buried, he was pulled to the surface and found unconscious.
He was taken to a hospital and pronounced dead on arrival.
See, every time you take humans out of their natural element, they die, I tell you.
Yeah, people don't belong in the ground.
Burying Ambitions00:15:26
We live on the surface, not in the sky, not under the ground.
Not in the water.
Live on the surface.
Basniaki's mother, L.D. Lee Lawathy, told a local newspaper that her son had been buried alive twice before.
Once for two and a half hours and the second time for six hours.
She said her son's unusual ambitions derived from growing up watching movies.
Oh man, blame it on the movies.
Which movie?
Yeah, which one?
Which one would just get buried alive?
What's the movie that's like, hmm, I should bury myself alive.
I'm inspired by that.
The Guinness World Records offers condolences to the Basniaki family in a statement Monday.
It added that record attempts related to being buried alive are not authorized, monitored, or adjudicated by Guinness World Records.
So ladies and gentlemen, do not go out there thinking you can go bury yourself and win a world record because they will not accept it.
They won't.
I mean, this isn't something safe, like trying to jump higher than any human being's ever flown and then landing from a jump.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice safe activity like that.
Yeah.
Also, this sounds significantly more awful of a way to go than crashing a plane.
Ugh.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd say so.
But you know, even though the Guinness World Records won't record these things, in 1999, we all know David Blaine, he was buried underground in a plastic tomb for seven days.
And a year earlier, a British man claimed to have spent three months underground.
Whatever that means.
Who knows?
He's like, I spent three months underground.
And they're like, oh, is that where you were?
And he's like, what?
Nobody came looking for me.
Yeah.
No one knew.
Who else, guys?
You guys are supposed to come look for me.
Were he going to let me die down there?
Was it a cave?
Like, what was it?
I didn't realize you were gone.
I feel like there's more story to that one.
Yeah, there's definitely more to it, but we're not going to look into it here.
Fascinating.
So let's move on to this ninth one.
Before we get to the ninth story, longest male ear whore.
Ear whore?
Ear hair.
Longest male ear hair.
Anthony Victor is a retired Indian school teacher who decided to start growing out his ear hair and never stopped.
Don't do that.
How long do you think it is?
How long?
Well, at the time of the recording, it was 7.12 inches.
Oh, God.
18 centimeters.
Oh, okay.
I was going to guess like a foot or two.
Yeah, that's not very long.
That's actually not as long as you'd think.
It should be longer.
So like you need to put some hair growth cream or some shit on there.
Yeah, do something.
Pop up those numbers, man.
Yeah, what are you doing?
Or how about this one?
Heaviest weight pulled with eye sockets.
Ugh.
Shane Holtgren of Australia, otherwise known as the Space Cowboy, pulled how much weight do you think he pulled?
Three pounds?
Three pounds?
Yeah.
I'm going to have to say you're going to go a little bit higher than that, buddy.
12 pounds?
30 pounds?
What are we talking here?
He pulled 908 pounds using just his eye sockets.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He did it on the stud of an Italian TV show in 2009.
Ow.
So like he pulled a car or something just as eye sockets.
I'm trying to understand how do you do that?
Like they strung out.
They like put string through his eye sockets or something to like attach it to it.
How the hell does that work?
Like your eyes don't really have like, you know, fingers to grab onto things.
I think you'd have to take some something like the you know the circumference of like a nickel or a coin or something and you'd have to shove it into your eye sockets, push the eyeballs back a little bit, and then squint down really hard and pull like that.
See, I'm yeah, see, I've seen too many cartoons, so I'm just imagining your eye sockets like just morphing hands suddenly and just gripping on the onto like a piece of string or something to pull on it.
Why do people do this?
Why?
Well, because apparently, again, you survive that.
Yeah, don't leave your environment.
As long as you stay in your environment, you can pull 900 pounds with your eye sockets and live to tell the tale.
How about this one?
Tom Buchanan of Australia claimed this world record in 2005 after having 125 golden orb spiders on his body.
They're not poisonous, but they do bite and they can make your body swell up.
But he had.
You can have that record.
You can have all of that.
That's yours, dude.
125 golden orb spiders on his body for 30 seconds before the spiders ran away.
Yay.
Try to get off his body.
125 existential horrors.
Yeah.
Didn't even have to pay for a haunted house.
Yeah, you can keep that record.
I have no desire to have spiders on me.
The record is temporary.
The trauma is forever.
Indeed.
Eventually, someone else will traumatize themselves worse.
Put up 126 golden orb spiders.
Thanks.
And you'll be like, damn it, now I got to do 127 golden orb spiders to regain my freaking crown.
Whatever.
You fucking have the record.
All right, give me a plural noun.
Golden orb spiders.
Golden orb.
Because that's now all I'm thinking about now.
And I'd really rather not, so let's move on to someone else's horribleness.
All right.
Next one.
Ninth story.
August 2005.
A Neradian daredevil died while attempting to break the world record for jumping over buses on a motorcycle.
Havad Prozbanian, age 44.
He was trying to leap over 22 buses parked side by side when His motorbike came down on the 13th bus and he was killed immediately.
Oh, no!
Disappointing.
Well, I mean, we weren't going anywhere near that record, though.
That sucks.
I know.
What are you doing?
That's disappointing.
What was about to say, did he hit it wrong?
That sounds like it.
That sounds like something went wrong.
This sounds like he jumped over two buses and was like, that's it.
I'm going for 22.
And then he came to the realization that there was a hard limit on buses one could jump over of 13.
Fucking came down the 13th bus.
At least he made it halfway.
And I do believe, yeah, there is video of this.
Did someone actually have a larger record?
That's the thing I'm always curious about these really like audacious attempts when they fail them.
I always think, like, were you trying to beat it by a lot?
Or was it literally 21 buses had been jumped and you're trying to jump 22 to beat that?
All right, well, I just looked this up.
Travis Pastrana is the guy I was talking about earlier who jumped out of an airplane at that parachute.
It was Travis Pastrana.
He holds the world record for the most buses jumped by a motorcycle.
16 Greyhound buses.
Yeah, I feel like 22 was very, very ambitious then.
It's extremely ambitious.
Remember before Travis Pastrana.
Maybe not too high.
Remember the story of Icarus.
Yes.
Too close to the sun.
Don't fly too close to the sun.
So here's a breakdown of bus jumping records really quick.
Evil Knievel jumped 14 buses in 1975.
Bubba Blackwell tied that record in 99.
Then Bubba Blackwell broke the record in 99 by jumping 15 buses.
And then Travis Pastrana jumped 16 in 2018.
I mean, the really amazing part of this whole story is that at some point, someone had to sit down and think to themselves, you know, it's a record worth striving for most buses we can jump over on a freaking motorcycle.
And everyone's like, yeah, let's drive for something truly worthwhile.
Yeah, you know, he's there in Iran, right?
And so like him and his buddies, like, he must be like the daredevil of his of his friends.
Like, everyone looks up to this guy in the town.
They're like, that's the guy.
That's Havad.
You know, he's the evil Knievel.
Like, who came up with that particularly crazy ass feed as being like the gold standard?
But like, at the time, right?
So think about this.
They're chilling there.
At the time, Bubba Blackwell has a record for 15 buses from 99.
And like, Havad and his buddies are like, dude, we can do 22.
Like, look, the first record was 14.
The second record was 15.
We can do 22.
If we beat it by seven, it'll take him forever to cross our record.
Nobody will be able to do it.
I mean, the theory was sound.
It was.
It was just a little overambitious.
Completely overambitious.
Very fucking unreal.
And once again, breaks my cardinal rule for not dying attempting records of stay in your habitat.
You do not live in the sky.
So it's pretty interesting that like Havad.
You don't live over buses either.
Havad.
Where he came down in the 13th bus.
I mean, that's like that's where you're most likely going to come down at if these world record holders are only doing three buses further than that.
Like the bike he was riding was must have been a good bike.
He had the right gear.
He just wasn't going fast enough.
Maybe it wasn't.
Maybe there was something going on with the weather.
Like the wind was just against him.
I'm gonna watch it really quick.
Loading the video.
They're getting ready.
The crash scene was too disturbing to show publicly, the newscaster said.
So here's the crash scene.
I don't want...
Oh, wait.
He didn't say that.
I don't want authority.
But he still got posted.
Okay, here he goes.
He's going.
He jumps.
Cameraman really sucks at their job.
That is the worst video job I've ever seen in my life.
No, everything looked fine.
There's no sign of wind that you can see.
The jump, he flew off just fine.
Everything looked fine.
Well, everything worked great until that part where he died.
He died, yeah.
That part did not go well.
Very horrible.
So really quick, give me a noun.
Damn, a motorbike is engine.
Engine because clearly for that stunt, you need a jet engine.
Engine.
Nah, just kidding.
You know what will happen if you use a jet engine?
You're getting too close to the sun.
You'll take off the ground.
Yeah, you'll take off the ground.
That's usually what happens when people try.
I've seen one successful attempt once.
Did you?
Yeah, it was some like, I don't know, some like show a long time ago where this guy attempted to install a jet engine into a regular car and go a couple hundred miles an hour or something before he started feeling the car wanting to take off into the air and couldn't really mess with it too much more.
I think they did that in the salt flats.
Yeah.
Hence why the land speed record is only 763.
Your car really wants to fly.
It wants to be a plane when it's going that fast.
It just does.
So minutes beforehand, Pelasbanian told an audience of hundreds of people that were there.
He said, quote, I am going to break the world record and do something for my country to be proud of.
End quote.
The television broadcasts, they started the broadcast of the attempt, then cut the footage.
The crash scene was too disturbing to show publicly, the newscaster said.
Palazbanian was well known in Iran.
Yep, like I said, for his motorbike stunts.
The month before, he roared his bike over a river 51 yards wide.
Okay, well, hold on.
How wide would 22 buses side by side be?
Buses be about 185 feet.
And what was 51 yards?
100 feet.
And then, of course, you got the additional like, you know, 20 or 25 vertical feet of the bus's height.
That's true.
To contend.
How many?
So 51 overly ambitious.
153 feet.
153 feet.
Those 22 buses equaled 185 feet.
So very ambitious, but I mean, when you look at it that way, like, look, I did 51 yards over a river, but like you said, you got to put in the height.
Yeah, you got to account.
Yeah, exactly.
You got to account for the much wider arc you're going to have to take.
To get over all that.
Right.
Hitting your peak height and then having the gravity bring it back down.
I don't think he factored any of that into it.
He was just going for it.
I mean, again, the really amazing thing is like, it just feels so arbitrary where they're just like, well, this is totally safe.
You can do this mind-boggling, death-defying shit.
But this, on the other hand, you could hurt yourself.
So we won't allow that.
We don't recognize that.
Only this thing that could kill you.
Not this thing that could kill you.
Only this.
Yeah.
What's the criteria?
Why did they get a choose?
Pacific criteria involves a dartboard.
Yeah, dude.
All right, where are we?
10th story, 10th story.
Okay.
49-year-old Sailendra Nath Roy was an Indian man who registered his name in the Guinness Burke World Records for the furthest distance traveled on a zip wire using hair.
Now, a lot of you might remember the 90s in the early 2000s when Spike TV and whatever else was before Spike TV used to air these most extreme news segment type things.
Zipline Hair Record Attempt00:11:30
This was one of them.
I remember this vividly.
Do you remember this one?
He was using his hair on a zip wire and gets stuck.
You've never heard of it?
Okay.
I didn't think of it.
It was on this most extreme Spike TV all the time back in the day.
That's crazy.
But he achieved the record at Nimrana Fort Palace in India on the 1st of March 2011.
He ziplined the entire 82.5 meter attached to the zip wire using only his hair, which he tied in a looped ponytail.
And then again in September of 2012, he pulled a Darjeling Himalayan railway locomotive with its ponytail in North Bengal for 2.5 meters or 8.2 feet in the town of somewhere in West Bengal.
The Darjeeling Himalayan rail.
There's a context on this Darjeeling Himalayan railway locomotive.
I wanted to say Darjeeling limited the fact that enough people do this for them to have a euphemism for it.
It's a Darjeeling limited railway.
Like, what do you have the record for?
Oh, I zip line with only my hair.
Yeah.
But see, he pulled that locomotive.
It's like, really?
Is there a stiff competition or is it just you?
It's like, oh, it's everyone.
I'm constantly having to defend my record.
He pulled the locomotive with only his hair, but that wasn't enough.
That wasn't enough for him.
He wanted to do something bigger and better.
But unfortunately, Roy died on the 28th of April 2013 while trying to beat his own record of furthest distance travel on a zip bar using only his hair.
When his ponytail became stuck in the wheeler of the rope halfway through the stunt and he was left dangling in midair for about 25 minutes.
And it's nuts.
You can go watch this one on YouTube too.
You can like watch all of these on YouTube.
But all of his supporters.
Did he like choke and like hung himself?
Pretty much.
Because otherwise I feel you like you just get stuck and just kind of be stuck there until someone.
Think of all the tension.
Like how he died.
All the tension on your head being pulled by your hair like that.
I was like, are they like, was it choking him out or like just crushed his skull or what?
It's worse.
So all of his supporters around him watching this, they're all rooting for him.
And then they're like, oh, fuck.
He's actually, he's stuck.
And Roy is like, he can see him dangling there.
He's like dangling, trying to put his arms up to get his hair undone, but he like can't.
And he's just laying, he's just staying right there.
You can't do anything about it.
And then he was trying to like trying to get the second rope so he could pull himself to the finish line, but he couldn't do it.
He struggled there for 20 minutes and he was finally rescued by eyewitnesses.
But he was unconscious.
Damn.
Get this, man.
There were no medical professionals present.
Nobody around.
You'd think there'd be at least one.
Well, I mean, he's got it down to a five hour.
What danger was there, really?
Right.
But he was taken to the hospital.
No one could have foreseen ziplining by your hair being dangerous.
That's crazy.
He gets taken to a hospital.
And then preliminary investigations suggested that Roy suffered a heart attack caused by a nervous breakdown.
So he just scared himself to death?
Oh, no, dude.
The thought of not achieving his record was so stressful, it just exploded his heart from the indignity.
Wow.
Now that is some pride.
That's nuts.
The video is crazy.
I think what happened is he, I don't know, man.
If you watch the video, he just kind of like, it looks like he suffocates, basically.
He stops moving.
So I don't know.
Yeah, well, that's what I was thinking.
Like, other, because otherwise, you know, you just kind of be suspended and stuck up there.
You know, it's not like you're, there's a lot of nerve endings in hair directly.
It's all about the pulling on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
Actually, it makes it hurt.
But officially, it's due to a heart attack.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Sad.
I'm going to hold out that he died from the sheer indignity of failing to break his record.
I just can't live.
Damn it.
The embarrassment.
I can't live with the embarrassment.
Exactly.
Halfway through.
The pain, though.
Oh, God, your hair gets stuck in a big-ass wheel.
It's like all your weights right there.
He wasn't a small guy.
He's kind of a bigger fella.
I mean, you've got such a mat of hair you can use it to zip line.
So that's not a small amount of hair.
All right, really quick.
Give me a letter of the alphabet.
H. I picked H because for hair.
H for hair.
Because now I'm trying to imagine if I ever grew my hair that long if I would ever try to attempt this.
Oh, dude.
I'm going to tell you right now, don't.
Don't try it.
But you could try this one, though.
But my life could be a cautionary tale to others.
This is an easy one.
To not zip line with your hair.
You could try this one, dude, because you don't have to leave the ground.
You could try to beat most snails on your face.
Oh, I could totally beat that.
What if my face is not big enough to be the winner, though?
Like, what if this person who's got it is like some kind of like crazy ass, like, friggin', like, got some weird, like, conditioned, like, medical condition where the rest of their entire skull is just face.
It's just like a flat plate and just stretched out.
Well, look, you just know somebody out there is going to compete on that and be like, oh, I can get way more on my face than you.
Yeah, yeah, because some people's faces are bigger than other people's faces.
But Finn Keller.
So, you know, you're limited physically here.
Like, if you got a really slight face, you're screwed.
Well, this is just a little kid, Finn Kelleher from Utah, just a little kid, never even heard of video games.
He put 43 snails on his face in 2009 when he was 11.
Well, if he's never heard of a video game, he could settle for the fact that you could totally make a super fun game about doing that to yourself.
All came from his neighbor's gardens.
Snail face.
The snail face, the shell edition.
Somebody out there, Rockstar Games.
Snail face.
Snail face.
My God.
43 snails on his face.
$69.99.
Pre-order now.
Requires the newest, most modern system.
But only completely retro style in 2D.
All right, Crookie, this is what we're going to have to do, man.
We're going to have to start trying to beat some of these crazy records like this.
And we'll live stream them.
Like this one.
I'll try that.
43 snails on my face.
I could put 44.
Then you can gloat afterwards.
And we can get those little tiny snails.
I thought that record would hold forever.
But no, somebody read through this crap and found it.
I beat Fennkeller.
That's the thing.
You have to go buy a massive conglomeration of all the records and find out which ones you can beat.
You go find like a picture of the record holder and they have like this gigantic face.
And you're just like, I give up.
Never mind.
Yeah, yeah, I can't do that.
My face is only half his face.
All right.
Next one here.
11th story.
All right.
One of the earliest deaths in the race to be fastest person on earth was Lao Bales.
Bales?
Jesus, that's a weird sentence.
Just for the record, my computer is really slow right now.
I don't know what's going on.
Yeah, something's up.
Anyway, one of the earliest...
Bales was originally a mine engineer before he started channeling Ricky Bobby.
Ricky Bobby.
One of the earliest deaths in the race to be the fastest person on earth was Lowell Bales.
Bales was originally a mine engineer before he started taking flight lessons from a former World War I pilot instructor.
Eventually, Bales became a stunt pilot with a team who performed across the country.
At the 1931 National Air Races, Bales took first and won the $7,500 Thompson Trophy Prize with an average speed of 236.239 miles per hour or 380 kilometers.
Wasn't that exactly?
Is that exact?
So $7,500 in 1931.
Like, what kind of meter is that?
Yeah, like, what kind of meter are you reading that on?
That says 236.239 miles per hour.
Really?
Oh, that's precise as hell.
$7,500 in 1931.
How much is $7,500?
Is that what it was?
Oh, yeah.
1931 worth today.
Bro, wow.
Almost 160.
160,000.
That's how much he won his first time.
He won that much.
But in a freak accident in the latest quest to break a record, a fuel cap came loose.
It flew through the windshield and struck Bales directly in the head, knocking him out.
After losing control of the plane, it crashed into a ball of flames and Bales was thrown 300 feet from the plane and was pronounced dead at the scene.
Wow.
Good God.
The fuel cap came loose.
The fuel cap came loose, crashed through the windshield.
Hit him right in the side of the fucking head.
How's that for some terrible luck?
This is like final destination in real life crap right there, man.
How bad is your luck?
Well, my condolences for that, dude.
So yeah, so far everyone just dies from tragic shit and no Darwin awards.
Yeah, or like, you know, if anything, it's usually something fatal.
Pilot error or something like that.
But this is straight up.
The fucking fuel cap came loose.
Which just happens to be right in front of the windshield.
Which just feels like a terrible design flaw.
A potential projectile being right in front of a window.
Not a good design.
And speaking of final destination shit, I do have some final destination script ready to read.
So we'll do that pretty soon.
It's pretty crazy.
Those are always interesting.
I'm sure I'll intersperse it with plenty of inappropriate commentary.
Which is fine.
Completely fine.
So give me a part of the body.
Uh the hair.
Pigtails?
I mean, I'm just imagining like Captain Caveman doing the zipline thing.
Okay, now, next one up here.
Story 12 comes from January 21st, 2019.
Exley's Final Dive00:03:57
Alright, so by the mid-1990s, Shek Exley realized that his days of setting world records was probably nearing an end due to his age.
He was now in his 40s.
However, he desired to hold the world depth and distance records once again, as he had in 1970, and realized that a deep freshwater sinkhole in Mexico called Zakatan was the answer.
He and his friend diving partner Jim Bowden prepared for the deep dive for a year.
They were preparing for an entire year.
Many a well-laid plan has been ruined by going to a St. Colon, Mexico.
Yeah.
On April 6th, 1994, Exley and Bowden, accompanied by their support staff, undertook the simultaneous record attempt at Ziktan about 25 feet apart, each unable to see or help the other in case something went wrong.
Instead, they would rely on their years of experience and equipment that they had carefully staged along the route.
Within 10 minutes, Bowden had reached nearly 900 feet down, but realized that he was using more air than anticipated.
He began the slow ascent upwards for more than 10 hours of decompression.
So nuts.
Although he could not see him, Bowden assumed that Exley had continued toward the 1,000-foot threshold.
Far above...
Ah, the thrill of staring at nothing everywhere you can see it.
Yeah.
Just darkness.
And knowing it could crush you at any second if any part of your suit fails.
And far above, the support divers, including Exley's ex-wife, Mary Ellen Ekoff, were watching for signs of the two men's ascent to the surface.
Based upon the rising bubbles, they realized that Bowden was making his way back, but there was nothing from Shek's line.
As they worried, Ekoff descended to 279 feet to watch for Exley's bubbles.
She witnessed two tiny white squares drifting upward.
After a few moments, she realized that they were the laminated pages to Exley's dive profile.
Critical objects that he would not let go of if he were still alive.
Ekoff returned to the surface and reported the sad news to those waiting.
The deep sea and cave diving pioneer Sheck Exley was dead.
Three days later, assuming that Exley's body would never be recovered, the support crew began to haul up unused decompression tanks on the descent line that had been placed before the record attempt.
The support crew was amazed to pull up Exley's body near the end of the line.
One of his last actions before he died had been to secure himself to the line, probably to sort out gas issues and prevent anyone risking their lives trying to retrieve his body.
Which is good on him for doing that, right?
If that's the case.
Yeah.
He's like, damn, I don't want to make people risk their lives to retrieve my body, so I might as well just clip myself here and say goodbye.
So he basically recognized he was stuck and just realized at some point that would get pulled back up, so.
Yep.
Yep.
And Exley's wrist-mounted dive computer showed that he had reached 906 feet.
Although the cause of his death could not be determined with certainty, Exley probably died from nitrogen-related narcotic effects and HPNS high-pressure nervous syndrome from the extreme depths at which he was operating.
World's Largest Tumor00:03:09
And there's that nitrogen narcosis again.
Yep.
Yeah, so he knew.
He was like, oh shit, dude, I'm out of oxygen.
I'm not going to make it to the next bottle.
I don't have time.
And just blip.
Attached himself to the dive line.
Yep, that sucks, man.
Hearts go out to everyone involved there.
Which brings me to the world's largest tumor removed.
In 1991, an unnamed 34-year-old woman in the US had a multi-cystic mass of the right ovary that weighed 306 pounds.
139 kilograms.
Holy shit.
A tumor that weighed 306 pounds.
I would imagine that's not a competition anyone else is really too eager to pursue.
No.
Let me just go walk around Chernobyl real quick and try and beat that record.
Nuts on her ovary, too.
Yeah.
That's gnarly.
It's massive.
But what about this one?
Most kidney stones removed from a patient.
How many different individual kidney stones do you think were removed?
I mean, someone had an entire person's worth of tumor, so we'll say 100?
100 different kidney stones?
Yeah.
Aim high.
That's not high enough.
The most kidney stones removed from a patient is 172,155, all of which came from the left kidney of Darajwadil during a three-hour operation by Dr. Ashish Rawandal.
How does that even be?
Rawandal at the Institute of Urology, Duel, Maharashtra, India, in 2009.
That is pissing out a lot of tiny pebbles.
Are they like super, super small?
They must be just tiny.
I guess they must be.
He must have just been pissing these out forever, not really noticing until a bigger one came out.
He's like, oh, I have a kidney stone.
That's got to be hell.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's gnarly.
172,155.
Fuck.
Well, good for you.
You became a part of history.
What the fuck?
And also a cautionary tale.
Drink more water.
So drink more water, people.
Give me a noun.
Kidney stone.
How did I know you were going to say that?
Because that's what was in my mind.
Okay.
13th story here.
Well, let me see.
Enter a number.
All right, give me a number.
13.
13.
For the number of buses that one guy made it before he wrecked.
And the number of story we're about to read.
Oh, that too.
So before the X games, before Park, Pipe, or Street Skiing, before snowboarding, before free skiing or extreme, there was only hot dogging.
Hucking Carcasses Off Cliffs00:06:43
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I almost broke my legs doing this a few times.
Yes.
Highly recommend it.
Also, I break my own rules of not leaving your own habitat.
Yes.
So hot dogging is, you know, hucking your carcass off a big cliff.
Now, the earliest cliff jumping records are lost in the mists of time, but we have to start somewhere.
And we'll start with Todd McCoy in 1971 at Sun Valley, Idaho.
It's 50 feet.
50-foot drop.
Is it a flat?
Is that a flat landing?
A recurring motif in skiing progression.
What's up?
I would hope there's a slope landing.
No, it's on its angle.
Yeah, yeah.
It's sloped.
Definitely sloped.
A recurring motif in skiing progression is this.
It's always easier when someone else has done it first.
At the start of the 1980s, people weren't sure if the human body was able to handle a 100-foot drop into snow.
Water, sure, concrete, probably not.
But snow, nobody knew for sure.
Step up the most iconic figure in the history of free skiing, Scott Schmidt, smashing through the 80 to 100 foot barrier at the Palisades, Squaw Valley, California in 83 or 84.
During the late 80s and early 90s, Paul Ruff and John Treman, or Treyman, fought a battle royale for Cliff Hucking's supremacy.
While filming for Warren Miller at Kirkwood, California in 1989, Treyman set the first recorded official world record of 105 feet.
Moments later, Ruff dropped the same cliff, sailing past Treyman's bombhole for 112 feet.
Shit, as they say in the classics, was about to get real.
This was the start of one of the most epic rivalries in ski history.
Paul Ruff kept his record less than two years.
When John Trayman dropped 145 feet at Donner's Summit in California in 1991, it triggered a series of events that left one of the protagonists dead and the other a born-again Christian.
Paul Ruff wanted to retake the world record.
Oh, great.
Can you hear me?
Oh, man.
I can hear you.
Mouse is dead.
Uh-oh.
Here, I'll go on.
Okay, Paul Ruff kept his record less than two years.
When John Tremann dropped 145 feet at Donner Summit in California in 1991, it triggered a series of events that left one of the protagonists dead and the other a born-again Christian.
Paul Ruff wanted to retake the world records, cement his legacy, sell the footage for perhaps half a million dollars, and retire from the game.
On the 29th of March 1993, he stood atop the 160-foot cliff in the Kirkwood backcountry.
It wasn't a straight drop.
Significant speed was required to clear the rocks at the base of the cliff.
Just before takeoff, for reasons known only to himself, Ruff speed checked.
He landed on his back 10 feet short of the snow on a rock shelf.
Oh, yeah.
At the cliff base and bounced 30 feet into the air.
Rough suffered massive turtle injuries, including tearing his aorta away from his heart and was dead within the hour.
Oh, fucking frigging gruesome.
That's a description there, man.
Yeah, that's a nasty one.
That was almost worse than some of the crashes that we were describing earlier.
Yeah, and there is footage of this too.
And it's fucking gnarly.
Yeah, I think the highest I got was like 25 feet.
And then I fucked my ankles up and had a hard time walking for a few days and was like, probably not.
Flat?
Did you land flat or something?
Yeah, I managed to exceed the sloped part and hit the flat portion of the trail after the ski jump.
Yeah, I learned that aiming too high can you pay dearly for that.
Yeah, I have a friend.
I grew up with this kid, this kid, man.
He was going to be a pro-snowboarder.
His brother is a pro-snowboarder.
So we grew up together.
Did all sorts of crazy shit together.
He was skateboard, snowboard together all the time.
He was semi-pro.
He had all the sponsorships.
He was down in Chile.
This would have been like 2009-ish.
And he was snowboarding some mountains down there without a fucking helmet on.
And I don't know.
Nobody knows why he didn't have a helmet on.
Like, he's snowboarding on these massive cliff faces.
Why he didn't have a helmet on was just he thought he was going to survive, obviously.
He was going down.
He caught an edge or something and just started rolling and he hit his head on a fucking rock.
Dude, killed him.
Oh.
Yep.
That's sad.
And just days before, man, like he, we were talking on Facebook and he was like, dude, you got to come down here.
It's so fucking amazing.
And I was like, I would love to go down to Chile.
That's sad.
Language and all that stuff.
And he was super stoked.
Had all those plans and shiz.
Yeah.
His mom, his mom started an annual fundraiser type thing here at local skate parks and goes on every year, the A-Rob Bash or whatever it's called.
Right.
I still talk to her.
I see her every now and then.
That really sucks.
Yeah, it's pretty gnarly.
Well, sad.
Where you would be today.
Yeah, but his brother's doing good.
He is a pro-snowboarder, traveling the world.
He lives in a tiny house that he built himself, just like a little Polemong trailer because he travels all the time for snowboarding.
Super modest guy, super cool guy.
And him and his wife, and they're a kid now.
They just kind of travel around in this little trailer thing.
Pretty cool.
Pretty cool.
Which brings me to...
Give me a noun.
Skis.
Well, broken skis.
Broken skis.
And which brings me also to the longest, world's longest burp.
In 2012, Tim Janice claimed to set the world record for the longest burp by spewing out a belch that lasted 18.1 seconds at the inaugural World Burping Championships.
Sushi Rolls and Core Memories00:10:07
So help me, I will defeat you.
That's a long burp.
18 seconds.
Yes.
It's a challenge, but I'm willing to try.
How about the loudest female burp?
In 2023, Kimberly Winter of Rockville, Maryland created the loudest female burp with a belch of 107.3 decibels.
Well, good for her.
Just almost enough to damage your hearing.
Gnarly.
All right.
14th story.
This will be the last story.
Respectable burp.
Which I added only because I thought it was funny that all of us, you, me, everybody, we more or less will all die trying to accomplish this.
Now, Japanese Wonder Woman, Masayo Akawa, passed away in 2015 after holding down an impressive record.
As per Guinness World Records, she was the oldest living person and oldest living woman in the world.
She was born on March 5th, 1898, and had celebrated her 117th birthday with her loved ones around a month before she passed away.
She was residing in Osaka and surrounded by her family at the time of her death.
And guess what her recommendations were for living a long life?
Take a guess.
Without looking at the script, take a guess.
I already did, so I can't.
Damn it!
All right.
Well, everyone out there can make your own guesses.
Here's the answer.
Lots of sushi and plenty of sleep.
I always like the red meat and gin answer that one dude gave.
Red meat and gin.
Red meat and gin.
Someone asked me, I'd probably say like hookers and blow or some shit.
Yeah.
Recommendation or living a long life.
Hookers and blow.
And the smiles they bring.
I need to eat.
I need to start eating more sushi.
I love sushi.
I just don't eat enough.
It's so fucking expensive.
Well, I mean, if you want to live to be 170, I guess it's worth it.
Plenty of sleep.
Just be sure to get lots of sleep because unfortunately you're probably going to have to work like 80 hours a week.
Yeah, so sleep is not going to be happening.
Well, the news of her death was heartbreaking for many, as you can imagine.
And Erica Agawa from Guinness World Records had said back then, quote, we are very sad to hear of her passing.
I had the pleasure of meeting her back in February of 2013.
She was a charming, cheerful woman who made people laugh and joke, end quote.
Despite having defeated two titles in her lifetime, Okawa didn't manage to become the oldest person to have ever lived.
A title that was held by Jean Calmet from France, who lived for 122 years and 164 days.
Believe it or not, according to Vice, when Okawa reflected on her life, she said that it felt short.
I mean, she could have actually lived through the real-life Titanic in so old.
Yeah.
I mean, she would have been an adult.
Well, she would have been.
She was great in Titanic.
The real one.
The real one.
Yeah.
I guess she wouldn't have been an adult.
She would have been, what, 12 years old, 14.
So, like, imagine the intensity of that competition, though.
Aging.
Aging?
Extreme.
Extreme aging.
Extreme aging.
So just think that we all are vying for this record.
Well, most of us.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't want to live that long.
Yeah, like, I mean, I would love to live that long and not be like an invalid and stuff by the end of the day.
No, exactly.
Yeah.
Like, like, just die of some, like, accident or something, as opposed to die of being, like, decrepit as hell because I'm 100-something years old.
People wiping your ass on the daily, like, that's no way to live.
Well, I mean.
Unless that's your kink, of course.
I mean, if they really want to, and they ask nicely.
But no.
Never.
I like what she said there, though, when she reflected on her life.
She said it felt short.
That's something to look back on, man.
Because, like, in my 40 years of living, I look back, I'm like, it's a long time, but it feels really fucking short.
It's really compressed in hindsight, you know?
Yeah.
Life is very brief once you're at the end of it.
Very true.
But that's because you already know how to do it.
Give me a plural noun.
You forgot all that time you waited.
That's the trick is like you never remember the series, the series premiere or the series finale.
All you remember are the highlights.
Right.
So when your life flashes before your eyes, I would think it would probably not be like, you know, 30 or 40,000 times you might have taken a crap.
Those will mostly not be remembered.
Unless it was a memorable crap in which others cheered.
Then perhaps it may become even a core memory.
It's a great shit, man.
Good for you, buddy.
Really good shit.
The sort where you actually invite the neighbors over before you flush it because you like, God himself doesn't believe what I wrote.
Take those photos.
All right, give me a plural noun.
Wait, sushi doesn't have a plural.
Neither do fish.
I just do sushi.
I mean, it's basically a plural angle.
Okay, sushi.
Sushi is plural.
So sushi, the plural of sushi is sushi.
Yes.
Sushi.
And a part of the body.
Rolls.
I have to put fat rolls.
Because I was thinking of sushi rolls, and rolls are a part of the body.
Sushi fat rolls.
All right.
Go mad.
Let's see what this comes up with here.
It's about time.
That's the title of this.
It's about time.
Oh, crystal meaty.
Oh, God.
Thousands of wafers ago, there were calendars that enabled the ancient airplanes with mechanical failures to divide a year into 12 golden orb spiders, each month into 13 weeks, and each week into seven schnazberries.
At first, people told time by the sun clock, sometimes known as a Garrett dial, as a garot dial.
Ultimately, they invented the great timekeeping devices of today, such as the grandfathered engine, the pocket-broken skis, the alarm chair, and of course, the elbow watch.
Keep your watch in your elbow.
I do love me a good elbow watch.
Children learn about clocks and time almost before they learn their ABHs.
They are taught that a day consists of 24 sushi, an hour has 60 tampons, and a minute has 60 pop cherries.
By the time they are in kindergarten, they know if the big pigtails is at 12 and the little fat rolls is at 3.
That it is 26 o'clock.
I wish we could continue this viscuous lesson, but we've run out of kidney stone.
I do love me a nice viscous lesson.
Nice viscous lessons.
Those are the best.
Those are great.
I love the viscous lessons.
Well, that was fun.
Warm, moist, and viscous.
I need to remember to do the Mad Lib things because we always forget.
The three adjectives that make things happy.
All right, let's call it good.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
Thank you for listening in.
All right, rock on.
And we'll see you again next week.
Maybe next week?
Are we going to record next week?
Are we going to go back to a week-by-week cycle or every other week?
Yeah, we'll probably do it at least.
We'll probably do every week for a while.
All right, let's try to give it weekly.
I won't be too obsessed with it, but we'll try it.
We'll try it.
We'll try.
We'll try it.
So thanks again.
And take care of yourselves.
Take care of one another.
Peace out.
Keep your feet on the ground.
Yes.
Keep your feet on the ground.
If you're trying to obtain a world record, do the ones that involve standing on the ground.
Your future kin will thank you for continuing your line.
Peace out.
I think you forgot something.
Which part is that?
You're fucking audio sane.
Oh, yes.
Oh, always distrust the government?
Yeah.
I was just thinking, like, how can I relate this to the government, though?
All these people are doing it because they want to.
It's true.
It's true.
Well, there's still not a good reason to trust the government.
Exactly.
No matter what happens.
Always distrust the government, even if you happen to be jumping hundreds of feet in the air.
I mean, if you're falling to your death, always distrust the government.
Who knows?
Maybe in some administrative way, it was their fault that it took two and a half minutes to respond.