CONTACT US: Email: paranaughtica@gmail.com Twitter: @paranaughtica Facebook: The Paranaughtica PodcastContact Cricket: Website: www.theindividuale.com Twitter: @Individualethe Greetings, dear beloved listener,For this weeks episode, we shall cover a multitude of topics and news stories that are sure to keep your buttocks perfectly gripped with the surface of whatever you may be sitting on at the moment...if you’re standing, boy, those glutes are tight. For example, we will discuss Johnny Somali and how stupid he is. Seeing him get knocked out on the streets of South Korea was a delight. Aside from that, we’ll talk about some celebrity garbage, we’ll get into a man who was shot by his dog (so he says), and that train that was recently hijacked with dozens of kidnapped victims which had a positive outcome. We’ll talk about Muckbanging, a young boy that was crushed by his morbidly obese mother – on purpose, some video game stuff, ...we’ll get into the ‘Swatting’ trend, and the I.C.C. legitimately arrested ex-Philippine president – Duerte – for crimes against humanity (yet Trump’s handler, Netanyahu, is still walking freely). We will also get into Trump talking about joining the E.U. and how much he loves the alleged “king” of Britain. What an idiot.We will also talk about a new KFC commercial that advocates cannibalism, and how some random guy bit a chunk out of a cops scalp, and some bestiality stuff, and so much more. So much more.So please, strap up your favorite velcrow slippers, put on your velcrow chin-strap, and get ready for this wild adventure! To check out a small batch of Coops’ music, go to this this link — https://on.soundcloud.com/Q1XRaY9WSpzawV9r7 CHECK YOUR LOCAL WATER TREATMENT LEVELS: EWG Tap Water Database ***If you’d like to help out with a donation and you’re currently listening on Spotify, you can simply scroll down on my page and you’ll see a button to help us out with either a one-time donation or you can set up a monthly recurring donation. ko-fi.com/paranaughticapodcastPATREON:http://tiny.cc/tule001 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
*Pewds* *Pewds* *Pewds* *Pewds* *Pewds* *Pewds* *Pewds* You just keep the touch under the curtain.
I'm just the right one on the screen.
Nobody angles you.
I don't want to know what the hell is.
You know, the air is at two feet.
I don't want to get up out of your chest.
You're going to get up right now.
You're going to the window.
Get your head out of jail.
I'm not going to take this anymore.
I'm a human being.
God damn it.
My life has been.
because we didn't get the studio set up.
And I'm sitting on a freaking crate.
Tiny little throw pillow on it.
And I'm just sitting here.
Computer up on the little box thing.
You know, I'm a little more happy now about sitting on the floor.
That ain't so bad.
It's carpet at least.
So you're on the floor.
I'm sitting on a crate.
One of those old milk crates.
When the old milkman would show up.
Do you need a quart?
Well later, ma'am.
I just hope I sound okay because I'm not using any of my original gear.
So welcome to the show, everybody.
Hope you are all having a great fucking day.
Your last week was amazing.
Cricket, how was your last week?
Oh, it's been great.
Just been playing through Bloodborne yet again.
Return to Yardam event starts, I think, tomorrow.
So... By building a new character for it.
Plus 10 weapon before the blood moon.
People who played it back then would probably be really confused by that.
It's because you have to get them through this thing called Foul Steps.
Game's a little broken since it came out so long ago.
Assassin's Creed?
Oh no, Bloodborne.
What's the game?
Yeah, Bloodborne.
Bloodborne. Didn't we talk about Bloodborne a while back about how something was really bad about the game?
Something sucked?
The bell system really sucked.
See, the original Dark Souls had a sign system where you put down signs and people could grab them.
So they would show up in other people's worlds and they could see them.
But the bell system, you just ring a bell and you just walk around and have to be close enough to somebody else ringing a different bell without being able to know where anyone else is.
It was not nearly as good as that.
That sounds terrible.
Yeah, it was a bad setup and it made the connectivity on the co-op and especially the PvP kind of bad.
Overall, amazing game though.
And the return events, like there was a return to Drangleic, which is Dark Souls 2 before that.
Those are the times when all the veterans and stuff of the game come back.
So you get a nice boost in activity, so it's not so slow.
Well, that sounds like you had a really good last week.
Fuck yeah, dude.
My last week was pretty fun too, but before we could do anything, we're just going to read a couple of news stories here.
Alright, let's do this.
So you want to jump into some news stories really quick, and then what are we going to do after the news stories?
It's a rather all-encompassing topic on how to make reality happen.
So hopefully we can make that happen.
Well, hopefully, yeah.
First hour, we'll do our usual fucking bantering and shit, and then we'll get into the theory of everything, and that should be pretty damn exciting.
Pretty damn exciting.
Hey, dude, have you ever been shot?
No, I tried my best not to get into situations where I might be in the first place.
No? Okay, perfect.
Well, this guy did get shot.
He actually, he was shot in the leg while laying in bed with a female friend of his.
And he claims that his pet dog was the one that actually pulled the trigger, not his girlfriend.
So his name was Gerald Kirkwood from Memphis, Tennessee.
Shout out to our Tennessean listeners down there.
Hope you're all well.
But he was just chilling, relaxing, you know, talking with some unidentified woman in his bedroom at around 4 a.m. on a Monday.
And his dog, Oreo, decided to just jump up on the bed.
And the paw got stuck in the trigger guard.
You know, that happens a lot.
You know?
Wow. Quite often, and it just made the weapon go off.
And Kirkwood was shot.
The fucking dog shot him in his thigh.
As much as I feel like this is an excuse to get his spouse off of some kind of spat or whatever, if that's actually true, you know?
They say that all dogs go to heaven, but boy, that was a bad dog right there if it meant to do that.
A dog's a man's best friend.
If it accidentally did that, then yeah, you probably shouldn't keep guns if you have pets and stuff.
Loaded? Although, granted, that is an incredibly low percentage kind of accident.
At the same time, though, quantum probability and all probably just shouldn't be messed with.
Yeah, I mean, if we're going to believe that it was the dog and not this unidentified woman at 4am on a Monday.
Yeah, it really just sounds like it was her and either she possibly did it by accident and was like, oh my god, I'm sorry.
And they're like, you're still going to get in trouble.
And then he's like, you're still going to get in trouble.
We'll just say it was an accident and the dog did it.
And or...
She did it and felt bad afterwards and patched him up and apologized.
God only knows what actually happened here.
I'm just going to go with the dog actually took on the form of a man temporarily to stand up and go prone on the ground and shoot from a prone position to aim with more accuracy.
Because he's a smart dog.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Like, she shoots him.
I mean, God, like, the other option is, yeah, the dog had the one in the million shot.
Which is incredible.
So she shoots him.
She's like, oh, shit, I fucked up.
And they're like, well, how are we going to fucking get away with this?
And then they both, like, it's like a pause.
They both look around the room and shit.
They're like, ah, fuck, you know?
And then he's like, you know what?
The dog.
We'll blame it on the dog, man.
The fucking Terrier did it.
How far have they got in the story?
Is there going to be a point where they're going to have to magic bullet theory this and be like, oh, well, the dog tripped over the gun and then spun it four feet up in the air to what would appear to be a shoulder position.
Yeah. Somehow caught it right there with its paw.
I guess it was doing a backflip with it caught with its leg and then just caught the trigger right at that moment while Flailing around inside the guard.
I don't know.
It'd be hilarious if it was like a slide shotgun or whatever.
You have to like pull the fucking handle way back and then shove it back into the barrel.
Or like a shotgun.
Be like, and then he cocked it and fired a second shot.
How the hell?
How did that even happen?
This dog is amazing.
Get him a job.
My goodness.
Yeah, so a friend insisted that the pit bull is very friendly.
Very friendly.
And that Kirkwood's doing fine.
And, um, yeah.
The officers asked the victim where the weapon was, and he's like, I don't know, that female friend took it when she left.
Holy shit.
She fucking took it.
And he wouldn't tell them who it was.
Yeah, this doesn't sound suspicious.
One shell casing was recovered at the scene.
And the police filed it as an accidental injury.
Shit, she took the dog, too.
Well, case closed.
Wait, she took the dog?
I feel like if the dog, like, killed somebody...
She just took everything.
She just took everything, dude.
That they would kind of want to, like, look into, like, you know, what happened.
It's like, no, there's nothing there.
Well, that's not suspicious.
Just to showcase it.
Oh, poor guy.
The dog is on vacation, having a mental health vacation to recover from the disturbing incident.
Please don't bother us in our time of duress.
We really need healing right now.
And anyone bringing up anything about this would just make things far too damaging.
Yeah. Hearts go out to all the victims.
Yes. Oh my god.
Alright, this next one here.
What a very good one.
A train is hijacked by gunmen.
This just happened recently, March.
With 450 passengers taken hostage.
And let's see, as group warns, all captives may be executed.
Oh, shit.
I don't know what the update is on this, but...
So some armed militants reportedly took 450 train passengers hostage and wounded the train driver during a terrorist attack.
A terrorist?
terrorist attack in pakistan's volatile southwestern balochistan province the separatist balik balik liberation
has threatened to execute all the hostages if authorities attempt
Oh, shit.
Wait, where is this happening at?
In what country?
Wow, things are really blowing up over there.
Turkey's having a major crackdown, too.
Like, I heard they just imprisoned their presidential candidate for the opposition party.
Erdogan just went, you know, I just don't want elections anymore.
Really? Not against this guy.
I mean, send somebody else.
I might lose to this guy.
I mean, that's the cover story.
I haven't looked further into it.
I was just watching the initial Lake reportage, which was mostly a lot of people yelling in another language.
Yeah. But it seems things are popping off over there, too.
So, holy shit.
So, like, not only is the hijacker of this a railway official, government official, he waited for the train to be stopped in a tunnel and then trapped it inside of this tunnel.
Dang. And then...
In a statement, the BLA claimed responsibility for the hijacking BLA and said six military...
That's the Bollocks.
It's Baloch.
I think B-A-L-O-C-H.
But I'm just going to say it's Bollock.
Bollock Liberation Army.
Bollocks. That's the Bollocks Liberation Army.
They claimed responsibility for the hijacking and said that six military personnel had been killed on or in the gunfire.
The group said they had taken hostages from the train, including security sources, security forces, with the exact number in their custody unclear.
They took women and children and bollocks passengers.
Let's see.
No contact has been established.
Here, I better look up an update on this.
That could be helpful.
Train is expected to deliver a load of bollocks any day now.
Got lots of bollocks on this train.
Bollocks for you.
Bollocks for me.
I used to know this guy.
It was like this British dude.
And he had this picture on his account.
So like the Anti-Cunty Bullocks Alliance or something like that.
That is like the most British swear word I've ever heard.
More British than bugger.
Bugger. Okay, which one can I read for free here?
All of them are 12 days old.
Every article here is 12 days old.
That doesn't strike me as good news.
So what day is it?
So it's March...
Wow, March 11th.
Nothing's been updated.
Well, I mean, if there is no result, I kind of feel like the government might have just decided to stop talking about it.
Yeah. That's actually a lot more worrisome.
I mean, this was an active hostage situation.
12 days ago?
I mean, dang, either them hostages are dead or, like, everybody involved is dead.
March 11th.
March 12th.
March 12th.
All hostages freed.
Maybe that's why no one's talking about it.
Maybe that's why no one's talking about it.
So it's just they got out right away.
What kind of hostage situation was that?
That's not a hostage situation.
A whole load of bollocks, apparently.
That's a whole load of bollocks.
That's a whole load of bollocks, I say.
Yeah, that's just a load of bollocks.
They were being held at gunpoint, and then they were released.
28 soldiers.
All hostages freed.
Oh, there you go.
The next day.
Okay, well, that's a happier scenario.
You made me think it was, like, all gruesome and stuff.
Well, I thought it was, because they made it sound all gruesome.
That's a happy story.
Yay! I don't know.
Huzzah. Yeah, I really feel like the other articles should update it.
They didn't die.
Everything's fine.
Just so you know, it's kind of a cliffhanger.
It's not a movie, it's the news.
You're supposed to mention what happened the next day.
Yeah. Sorry, guys.
We like to leave our audience in suspense.
Oh, but I do have...
It's not really awesome, but...
I mean, you're into like...
Extreme eating, right?
You like to just stuff your face and just gorge.
Just gorge yourself and fucking Big Macs and like, I don't know, what do you like?
Eating tacos?
Burritos? Octopus?
I have a man of all extremes.
Tears, huge, big titties, tiny titties.
Oh, what now?
Well, this guy really loved eating and he would film himself doing it.
You know, muckbanging.
Muckbanging? Muckbanging.
This guy here, he was all about muckbanging.
My guess is I didn't, because that sounds unfamiliar to me.
I think you're the one that told me what muckbanging was.
You don't know what muckbanging is?
I know a lot of horrifying sexual terms, like sounding.
Wait, this is an eating term?
Muckbanging. Yeah, so apparently you just stuff your face on camera.
You just eat shit, like anything.
You just eat a bunch of shit constantly, stuff it in your fucking face.
It's called muckbanging.
I thought you fucking told me about this shit.
And this guy would mukbang, he'd make videos, mukbang videos, and he died after weeks in the hospital due to his obesity because he was a fucking mukbanger.
24 years old.
Also... Kind of, like, even more tragic by the fact that it sounds like he didn't really enjoy his food, but just more so, like, forced it into his body, like, almost non-consexually against his own will.
Like, I swear, like, you know, there was a part of himself that was still saying no.
He was like, no, no, yes, yes.
Oh, dang.
You're so right.
You're so right.
That's horrible.
Dang. Poor guy, though.
So, yeah, he was a morbidly obese TikToker.
Tragic. Known for sharing videos of himself binge eating.
He died at age 24. Dang.
Of weight-related health problems.
His name was Efecan Coulter.
Efecan Coulter.
Because, I mean, there are some extreme eaters where they're not, like, huge like that.
Like, there's that Japanese guy that...
Yeah, and just, yeah, does the same thing, yeah.
Probably looks skinnier than me.
But it's like the...
And he's like a...
I was gonna say, he's like a world record holder of a bunch of stuff.
That dude is a freaking beast.
But see, the difference between those types of guys and this guy, Effikin Coulter, those types of guys, they throw it all up and don't gain a lot of weight.
Effikin Coulter types, they don't.
They keep it down.
Like real men.
They don't purge.
I'm sorry, you poor muckbanger, you.
Fuck. Could you hear me up until that end?
The end of that?
I was having trouble there at the end.
I was starting to ask if you were responding or not.
Yeah, dude, I don't know.
There are a lot of issues going on here.
I don't know.
Alright, well, we'll just assume that we got this Johnny Somali part somewhat covered.
Well, like, all I was saying about Johnny Somali was that...
He got arrested.
He did get arrested, okay.
Yeah, because I was just saying that the last video I saw of him online was he got punched by some boxer guy or something like that in, like, South Korea, I think.
I don't know where, but...
I think that was before he actually got arrested.
Now he's facing a lot of years.
Like... He pushed it in quite a few countries and finally got nailed to the wall.
It's like you'd feel bad if it wasn't such a very much self-inflicted thing.
And so what exactly got him arrested?
I'm not exactly sure which specific incident got him arrested.
Going around and just doing stuff to chicks, fighting.
Picking on people.
But I feel like the broadcasting North Korean propaganda, that was the one that really stuck out to me that I remember.
Multiple counts of obstruction.
He's basically facing what they call minor crimes of mischief, but such a preponderance of them that he's facing 10 years because they're piling on the counts, I guess.
That or minor crimes work a hell of a lot different than it does here in the States.
Because 10 years for minor crimes here would be pretty insane.
Oh, hell yeah.
But at the same time, it's like, how many exactly?
And what are they lumping those in as?
Well, here it's saying he's facing multiple counts of obstruction of business charges in South Korea.
Potentially... Leading to several years of jail time.
Yeah, construction of business, hassling shop owners.
Like, yeah, just not letting people into the store because he starts harassing them.
Yep, and then just in general creating a scene and not, you know, refusing to leave or not leaving fast enough.
Just creating content for YouTube, really.
Is what he was doing.
He was creating nuisance streamer content for YouTube and being a jackass in a country that has extremely strict laws.
And he did it a lot and pushed it to the point where even as a prominent person they're like, okay, fuck it, we have to arrest this dude.
Yeah, I mean...
Because I imagine they probably didn't really want to make an incident out of it.
He just kind of kept going.
Yeah, and I have zero sympathy for him.
Yeah, for sure.
He's just such a jackass, dude.
You just don't do that sort of shit when you go travel around, man.
You fucking respect the cultures.
It's just so annoying.
Yeah, for sure.
So annoying.
But yeah, the Japanese are, as a result of these, and well, just in general, uptick in disrespectful incidents as a whole, are worried about copycats because of the destructible environments in the game.
To the point where after issuing the statement, they actually released a day one patch making the sacred sites indestructible, where you couldn't blow up and destroy things in those areas anymore.
So they definitely got through.
They got a message through that they did not approve of that and made them change it.
In what?
Assassin's Creed?
Yep. I mean, the game itself looks at the very least like it runs fairly smoothly for the most part, although I've certainly...
Pretty hilariously bad AI clips so far and some terrible dialogue lines, but I won't necessarily assume the whole thing sucks because those could be cherry-picked.
I've never played the games.
And every game's got some bullshit in it when it first comes.
Well, every game, every, you know, Assassin's Creed, every big open-world game's got some janky bullshit in it.
So I would reserve judgment until I actually, like, see the game more.
But at the same time, yeah, it has some pretty crappy dialogue and some weird janky shit that I've seen in terms of what the AI can do.
Somebody was crawling around and they were swinging above them because they didn't know to swing down.
And I'm like, that's a pretty basic thing, getting your hitboxes and your hurtboxes to line up.
That's not advanced.
Like locking on and aiming at the enemy instead of straight forward.
The enemy should be able to do that.
But at the same time, I feel like the statement also kind of stemmed from the fact that they were just really mad and sensitive all the way through.
Normally, you know, they just kind of laugh it off, but because most of it was silly stuff, like they had a bundle that came with boba tea, and then everybody kind of pointed out, like, boba tea's not Japanese, guys.
And they had sacks of rice out when you wouldn't have sacks of rice out in the rain.
And also the fact that sacks of rice are actually used as currency.
And they failed to account for things like that.
Are they purposely doing this, though?
People were legitimately saying, was this a humiliation rule for the French on behalf of Japan?
Because they're like, it's to the point where it almost feels like it's a slap in the face.
Like, man.
Because even if it ends up being a decent game, it's just the poor setup.
Just how blatant it is.
Yeah, there were some complaints from some Japanese fans about the Japanese architecture actually being Chinese architecture.
A few of them were really upset about the one-legged ToriGate figurine that they were going to release with some bundle.
Because the one-legged ToriGate, for those who don't know, is not some kind of...
Ancient symbol of feudal Japan.
It actually represents one of the nuclear bombs we dropped on them.
It's what caused that Tory gate to become one-legged, as in it used to have two and then we blew the other one off.
So yeah, it's kind of a sticking point.
Yeah. Through,
like, research and stuff, kind of, like, forcing him into history because there was very little data on him, so they just inferred a bunch of stuff.
And they were pissed about, and a lot of the Japanese fans were pissed about that, too, but not quite to the point of having the Prime Minister talk.
But, man, it's just, like, endless poking.
People are really pissed off about the cultural inaccuracies and insensitivities.
And everybody's like, well, it's a fictional game.
And I'm like, yeah, but I feel like if the Dome of the Rock was a brothel, that would probably not be okay.
Drop it in the next edition, please.
Put it in there.
Let alone them retroactively patching it to be destructible.
Oh, man.
Could you imagine that one?
They should allow it.
Why wouldn't they allow it?
Why not?
Are we that insensitive?
Are people that insensitive?
Art can't differentiate a game and reality.
Don't you know it's just fiction.
It's crazy.
It's just disrespecting billions of people's religion.
So what's the shit about the controversy about the romance in Assassin's Creed?
Oh, the romantic aspect.
It's actually kind of funny.
Yasuki. Oh yeah, I guess he can...
I don't know if this is actually true.
I've only heard of three romantic options, but I'm not going to 100% say there are only three because, again, rage tubers like to exaggerate.
So I'm not going to assume without further research.
But for the three that I've heard of is, one, he can be gay.
Two, he can be gay with a non-binary dude, which quite a few people were like, yeah, that concept didn't really even exist in Japan.
And I'm like...
Yeah, probably not.
I mean, it was a pretty heavily patriarchal system, let's not kid ourselves.
Holy dude, so there was a legal suit about that ability to destroy shrines.
Oh, for real?
So that was what the stealth patch was about.
I figured it was just due to the Prime Minister speaking out about it, not wanting copycats.
There was a legitimate legal suit filed.
Let's see.
So officials from the shrines took appropriate action over the shrine's inclusion in Assassin's Creed Shadows.
According to a statement from those shrines, they were not contacted by Ubisoft regarding the inclusion of the shrine in Shadows, and had Ubisoft asked permission, they would have refused, refused, refused.
I mean, hey, can we blow up your shrine?
Uh, no thanks.
I mean, like, it's not like it's postal.
It's, you know, Assassin's Creed.
The destructibility was already a fairly new thing.
I'm not really surprised that not everything could be destroyed.
Ah, dammit, and you dropped again.
I swear to God, this broadcast is cursed.
Why not cover your bases by all the gods?
This broadcast be cursed.
Unreal. Okay.
Good God.
Alright, you're back.
So where was I at?
I had just mentioned, I don't know.
Something about...
The lawsuit because the ability to blow up the shrines.
The whole thing just being a dumpster fire from beginning to end.
Like, in terms of production, like, the credits were two hours, and then people were all, like, giving them crap, like, oh, you're saying it's woke because the credits are two hours, and they're like, no, we're saying that you guys have a lot of bloat.
And then the best part is there was stuff like how to, like, install licenses still in the credits, including a part that says, like, please don't include the brackets, like, still in the brackets.
And I was just like, oh man, the polish.
The polish.
That's amazing.
18,000 people.
That's their staff.
Holy crap.
18,000?
And so yeah, it's just kind of disastrous.
They were claiming it's 2 million player base already in a couple of days.
But then people are countering with the fact that a lot of that is probably Ubisoft Plus customers just downloading it because they can with the subscription.
So you're only really paying like the $17.99 a month or possibly even like...
If you're a Ubisoft fan enough to have their subscription service, you probably are.
And so, 2 million players, but not necessarily 2 million sales.
And, you know, it's the usual...
The game is incredibly successful.
Checkmate Chud's step of this process of gaming journalism that is exactly the reason why there's less than two dozen total gaming journalists working for professional outlets and nobody listens to them.
Yeah. At this point, I honestly think more people listen to me talk about games than most of those magazines when I bring them up.
A couple hundred people?
Yeah, it's probably more than read their articles.
Yeah, I can't imagine that being that great of a job.
Like, back in the day, it would have been awesome.
In the 90s, I would have loved to have worked for one of those magazines.
Like, Nintendo would have been sweet.
Yeah, see, I would have loved it back when you weren't primarily required to report on EdPoll.
And then the sad thing is, is what happens is they got all the people...
Driven out who actually wanted to, like, write about games.
And then they tried to tell all those people, hey, you gotta write about games.
But all those people were like, but we only knew how to write about idpole.
And that's the thing we like to do.
We don't like to write about games.
We're games journalists, dammit!
We all like to write about, you know, representation.
Other dumb shit that people who actually play games just kind of sigh when you're bringing that up over game-breaking bugs that they then find out because you didn't decide to mention fucking that.
Yeah, and I don't want to know what you thought.
You hung your laundry up outside on a fucking rope to dry in the sunlight.
I don't want to hear about that.
Drinking tea out there and shit.
I know.
That's what's fun is that half the reporting is them whining that people are whining about their reporting and you're like, my god, you're talking about other people even.
You're not even talking about games.
You're talking about the customers talking about you.
That's what sucks about newspapers and everything.
I've thought about reaching out to some newspaper agencies around here.
They need flair.
They need something in their newspapers to be enjoyable to read because it's always just the same old bullshit.
Oh, yeah.
And you open up any...
All local newspapers just run the same fucking articles.
Just written a little differently.
It's just so fucking retarded.
Like, who reads that shit?
And it's like, yay, I fucking read the news.
I'm so happy and knowledgeable now.
I mean, what it is is...
And this is an honest fact, is that that stuff is for the robots.
Those things are for search engines and AI scrapers and data aggregators to turn around and take all of that bullshit, quote, journalism, or as people call it, urinalism, which seems accurate to me.
Urinalism. Yeah, that's the phrase for urinalists and analists.
Amen. But, like, they take all of that data and they scrape it all up and that's what Grok spits out when you ask Grok what the fuck's going on.
So that's pretty much why they exist.
They don't exist because actual humans read them.
They exist because AI scrapers take that data and convert it into bullshit agitprop for people to use in internet arguments.
Great fucking point.
And yeah, that's pretty much where they churn.
That's the only reason.
That's how the last few are surviving now that USID is gone is via the agitprop pipeline which then pushes them viewers.
Mostly from other people memeing and making fun of them, really.
Like, that gets them their clicks.
Well, I've got this one more news story here.
All right.
And then we can get into, like, the swatting.
Okay. Let's see.
Boy, 10, crushed to death after 24 stone foster mum sat on him for misbehaving.
Now, this also just happened March 10th, 2025.
Again, a 10-year-old boy in the United States was crushed to death after his 24-stone heavy foster mom sat on him for misbehaving.
How heavy is 24-stone?
By the gods, that's an odd measurement for an American story to use.
Yeah, what the hell, dude?
Where did this come from?
Mechoco, UK.
Yeah, I'm like, stone, I...
I associate that with hands, like archaic measurements.
Stone is like feet, technically.
Those were all originally just arbitrary measurements of a certain person or a certain rock.
This episode, we're just on fire here.
This is great.
This is a fucking Gold Star episode.
336 pounds!
Nice. So, definitely fatal.
And also, I feel like sitting on them for misbehaving, no, you murdered the kid.
So, yeah.
You're not going to sit on a child at that size and just think that you're punishing them, dude.
Like, come on.
The 10-year-old's name is Dakota Levi Stevens, who was just a 10-year-old, was sat on by his mom, Jennifer Lee Wilson, who weighed 336 pounds.
That's probably the low end.
She's probably up there a little bit more.
She's 48 years old from Indiana.
She was charged with reckless homicide in the death of her son.
She told police earlier that day that she found him at a neighbor's home.
So right off the bat, she lied about that.
What did the neighbors do to suffocate this kid to death?
Crushes Bones.
So she said when they returned to her house in Valparaiso, he began misbehaving, throwing himself on the ground outside.
Just throwing himself on the ground.
It is alleged that she sat on the boy, putting pressure on his head and neck while phoning his caseworker, during which time he was screaming.
Wilson, who had been looking after Dakota for around a month, told police she sat on him for around five minutes.
When he stopped moving and went quiet, she initially thought he was just pretending.
Just goofing off down there, you know?
And the court notes had stated.
She said she then rolled him over and noticed his eyelids were unusually pale.
Emergency services were called.
Surprising she called them.
Probably someone else while they did.
But when they arrived, they found Dakota had stopped breathing and he had no pulse.
The boy who weighed 6.5 stone.
Oh man, what is this?
Hold on now.
What is this?
6.5.
91 pounds.
91 pounds.
This little 10-year-old boy.
Dakota. Weighed 91 pounds.
So he was airlifted to a hospital where he was taken off of life support and died two days later.
Wilson also appeared visibly distraught when police arrived at the house.
And an autopsy later found that Dakota had suffered catastrophic injuries, including organ and soft tissue damage, liver and lung hemorrhaging, while the cause of death was mechanical asphyxia.
Literally just crushed, could not breathe.
St. Joseph County Coroner's office concluded Dakota's death, which happened in April, just this year, was a homicide.
Jeez, if her kid was screaming uncontrollably, we should have just pulled his windpipe out.
Holy crap.
The court documents said ring doorbell footage was recovered, which shows Wilson lying on the boy's neck and head area while he was screaming.
The screams gradually fade before she notices he's not moving and she can be heard shouting, Dakota, numerous times.
She then tells one of her other children to call 911.
Sounds like she was legit that crazy.
She was crazy.
Wow. In the video, you can hear her saying, I was laying on him and he was acting bad.
In January, she was sentenced to six years.
One year suspended to be served on probation.
Killed her fucking son and gets five years in prison and one on probation.
What a disgusting story from start to finish.
She lived with three adopted children in her home, as well as Dakota, who's now deceased.
And the Department of Child Services confirmed that she's a foster parent.
She has a license.
Unreal. Wait, so these weren't her kids?
I don't think that one was.
Sheesh. I think she takes them in, dude.
Dude, these people are like, oh, they're the worst.
I have a feeling those other kids need to...
They need to ask those other kids some day questions too.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Because I'll bet they got some stories, man.
Absolutely. Abso-fucking-lutely.
I've got this other one here.
My soul is sick.
I'll talk about this one here because it's kind of related to that.
So, this happened in Texas, it looks like.
Also happened March 11th of this year, 2025.
A father has finally learned his fate after he and his wife ordered their 8-year-old daughter to jump on the trampoline in extreme heat without food or water, eventually leading to her tragic death.
Daniel Schwartz was sentenced to 18 years in prison after he pled guilty to the manslaughter of his adopted daughter, Jay Lynn, in Odessa, Texas.
There it is, adopted again.
The Acter County District Attorney's Office congratulated the Odessa Police Department for successfully seeking justice in the little girl's senseless death.
Why exactly was he making her jump?
I don't know, man.
That one didn't even have a reason.
I was thinking, like, is that just an insane punishment from a psycho?
I think so.
I think it's a punishment, you know, quote-unquote.
So a jury also convicted Ashley Schwartz.
Is that her name?
of intentionally causing serious bodily injury.
And she was given three life sentences.
Damn. Well.
And they didn't show emotion when they were in the court.
Daniel has already served 313 days.
He had 18 years sentence.
Horrific chain of events occurred nearly five years ago on August 29, 2020, when police responded to a medical call at the child's home.
Okay, here it is.
They arrived at a gruesome discovery and found Jalen dead at the scene on her trampoline, Odessa police previously announced in his statement.
The investigation into the horrific events revealed that Daniel and Ashley didn't allow Jalen to eat breakfast and force her to jump on the trampoline as a cruel form of punishment.
That's all it was.
Her adoptive parents made her jump on the trampoline without stopping for an extended time.
When she stopped jumping, Jalen refused water, according to police.
A search warrant revealed that the trampoline was at the scorching temperature of 110 degrees, and the ground was approximately 150 degrees Fahrenheit.
If they had so much as just not refused her water during this process, this would have been an abuse story instead of a murder.
Yeah. Around two months later, Jalen's autopsy revealed...
That's what did her in.
No water.
Shish. And that they did have water with them.
However, the lead detective on the case, Sergeant Chavez, said that Ashley told him that Jalen didn't want breakfast when he interrogated her.
Fucking bullshit.
Did she also want to jump on the trampoline until she dies?
Let's talk about what the kid wants in this situation.
I'm sure she had a lot of control.
Absolutely not, dude.
See, this was just another family who would adopt kids and abuse them, dude, just like the last one.
So, yeah, I'd say that's not the desire to love and nurture another life.
But, you know, just a boost in pay.
That's crazy.
Well, I mean, if they're adopting them, then they might not even be making anything.
The other one's a foster parent, where it's like you earn money from the state for caring for them.
Right. In the case of adoption, it's just strictly, you just like to abuse weaker, smaller things than you.
Yeah, it's horrible.
Fucking horrible, man.
Anyways, now I'm even more grossed out by these stories.
Well, that's all the news I have at the moment.
Oh, the swatting.
We need to get into the swatting.
Ah, yes.
Swatting. The swatting is a psyop, according to that one guy you were talking about.
And I will say that, yes, absolutely it is.
It might really be happening, but it's still definitely some kind of psychological operation.
So, 15 plus major prominent conservative people have been swatted so far.
Those are just the ones that are bringing it up and mentioning it.
Because as a few different people have emphasized, it really doesn't help you to mention that these people are on target.
It's just going to lead to more swatted.
So, coming out and saying, hey, I got swatted, is a great way to get swatted again.
And you have to keep in mind that over the past few years, this has been kind of a common thing.
People get a beef with X or Y YouTuber or content creator and swap them.
But this was a particular rash of them where it was a whole bunch of them all at once.
Which makes me think it's some kind of coordinated operation behind the scenes.
In particular, the fact that a lot of the oldest news...
Or the newest news story I can find about this incident is like three days ago, and they don't seem to have any knowledge of anything.
I can't find any info on who they even think is responsible.
And I know it's hard to figure out, but I'm kind of surprised not to even catch any speculation with all the stuff I was looking through.
Like, you guys don't want to blame Iran already?
I'm pretty sure it's Iran.
Yep, it's Iran.
You know, like, isn't that like the go-to?
You know, bad thing happens?
How could Iran have done this?
When the whole Twitter getting hacked or whatever, Musk said it was Ukraine.
Yeah, exactly.
They had no qualms about just jumping right to conclusions.
So in this case, three days later, I read a statement saying effectively the FBI is investigating and stuff, and we'll get to the bottom of this.
But no speculation, not even if it's a state or a non-state actor or nothing.
Maybe they've made more statements since then, but it was awfully sparse on the details.
Why don't we know anything about this?
These people could have potentially gotten killed.
Someone else could have gotten killed.
Another key point in these stories is that the part that doesn't really get emphasized is that right after these swattings happen, I've seen it in at least one of the articles now.
These people are also getting undesired pizzas ordered for them, which on the surface just sounds like an extra petty thing, like, oh, I couldn't get you hurt swatting you, so I'll order a pizza to be a pain in your ass.
But then I guess the instructions were to bang on the door really loudly, which, yeah, would be something you'd be doing, would be happening if you were, say, getting swatted again, because generally most people otherwise would ring the freaking doorbell.
And so, yeah, it's only a matter of time if this keeps happening, that somebody is going to mistake someone for a threat in one side of that door or another, and somebody's going to get hurt.
I don't like this.
Well, here's a perfect example that I have right here.
This looks like it happened in 2017, so what was allegedly a dangerous prank...
Let's see.
Found his way into this somehow because of a high-profile celebrity victims like Ashton Kutcher, Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian.
Okay, so here.
It reached a new level of notoriety when 28-year-old Andrew Finch was inadvertently killed by police in his Kansas home, a victim of a swatting prank, quote-unquote, in December 2017.
Oh, wasn't that the guy who...
Fuck, man.
It wasn't even the house of the people that were having the dispute.
It was just the other guy that was fighting with them gave a random...
Address that was apparently not a fake address that then got swatted.
I'm not sure it says here.
And so the guy who got killed had no clue what was going on.
He was completely unaware that this spat between these two players or whatever was happening.
If it's the one I'm thinking of, because there was one where it was a dispute over, I think it was Madden or COD, some video game.
They were fighting over it.
And the guy pretty much asked him, like, what's your address?
I'm going to SWAT you.
And the guy gave him a bogus address.
And then the dude actually SWATed him and got the guy killed.
Jesus. I don't know.
Well, in this one, it's Tyler Barris is the guy's name.
He made the hoax phone call to police that precipitated the shooting.
But this guy was sentenced to 20 years in federal prison after pleading guilty.
That's just one example.
And they're getting more and more dangerous these days.
Yeah, don't think you're being cute doing this.
You are being a wannabe murdering douchebag and you're not even having the balls to go attack somebody yourself.
It's like you're not cool, you're not cute or funny.
You're a freaking psycho who has no regard for human life.
For real.
And the real trick is, is it isn't just the quote, like, you know, like Trump supporter or whatever that you're going to possibly get hurt.
It's like random cops, like freaking random bystanders, like pizza people.
Like, you could have gotten a pizza delivery guy murdered that was just trying to do his damn job.
And hoping for one day to get that delivery to that house that just has a woman who's like, oh, hello, please come in.
I know, he's thinking to himself, Is this going to finally be the half-naked blonde that can't pay for her pizza and decides that she wants to pay for it with other methods?
Knock on the door, the doorbell's broken.
Oh, maybe she wants to grab me when I knock on the door and pull me inside.
Nope. Slam the door.
I feel like that's a more likely scenario than the one we just played out.
Just give it to me right in the butt.
Be like, welcome to my dungeon.
Be like, I just work here, man.
And they're like, oh no.
You work for me now.
Everyone's dream.
Everybody's. My safe word is hippopotamus.
So, yeah, no speculation, no suspicion, which to me is weird in and of itself.
Shouldn't there be some?
Yeah, dude.
So I'm here.
I'm reading this.
The National Police Association statement responding to swatting surge just released March 19th.
There has been an alarming rise in swatting incidents primarily targeting conservative media figures and social media influencers.
The National Police Association denounces.
This weaponization of law enforcement against its own citizens and urges the media, political leadership, the public and American law enforcement to be aware and speak out against this disturbing trend.
The false reporting of a violent act in progress is a crime and should be rigorously investigated and prosecuted.
Swatting is an act of violence against both law enforcement and those being targeted.
It is designed to not only physically harm people, but to drive a wedge between police officers and the citizens they are trying to protect.
But are they trying to protect us, or are they trying to protect the oligarch technocratic society of elite members?
Who are they really trying to protect?
I mean, in this situation, they're mostly thinking that a bunch of people are dead, and they're going to have to go shoot somebody.
Yeah, right?
Like, if anything, the ones that are, like...
Legitimately fantasizing about wanting to save people from hostage situations and stuff might really genuinely be thinking, my god, I've been writing traffic tickets and bullshit and extracting revenue all day.
I can finally save a life.
I'm going to fuck this dude up.
And then, yeah, get themselves all jacked up and gassed up and hyped up.
Yeah, that excitement and eagerness coupled with the unknown situation.
They're ready to go.
It's like, so the scariest thing isn't that they might not care.
The scary thing is there might actually be a couple guys in that crew that might believe in it.
I'd be more afraid of that.
The National Police Association encourages, this is why here, they encourage potential targets of this crime to contact the law enforcement officer agency and do the following.
Explain why you are a potential victim.
Advise them of any swatting threats you receive, provide them with your cell phone numbers, and stay in touch.
Stay in touch.
And if you see police surrounding your property, call 911 and advise the dispatcher of the situation.
Follow all directions by law enforcement until the incident has been declared over.
Game over.
Yeah, don't go into vats.
You're not going to win that engagement.
Yeah. So, I mean, they know about it.
They know what's happening.
They know these things are happening.
And on the 21st of March, they also...
The criminal code committee heard SB-198 on the crime of swatting, so they're going to make that a law.
A big-time law.
20 years or some shit.
So wait, what if it's all just to push that law?
I don't know.
What if none of these people really did get swatted?
We always have to be open to that consideration.
Exactly, because...
Although I can think of at least one person that I don't think made it up.
So as not to drag them further because they didn't want involved in the first place, I'm not going to name them.
But effectively, they're not somebody I'd call a conservative influencer, but they eventually admitted that they were part of this swatting deal.
Mostly because some other people inadvertently did that reveal their name, hence why I'm not being a jackass and doing the same.
But, uh, there's a, that's at least one example for, you know, and probably, probably a few others that, you know, like, uh, even if the, even if these big ones is a complete psyop and a total fake story that I could totally see because, you know, it's conservative ink.
So like, yeah, there's only a 50,000 followers for the one guy, but you know, at the same time, if they only hit really prominent ones, it would be a lot harder to sell the story too.
Of it being some organic thing.
Because then you'd be way more suspicious of it being a coordinated movement of sorts if it was only large creators.
But with it being a few small ones, you start thinking, oh, it must be random crazy lefty types.
Well, from what I noticed...
Draws off the suspicion, you know?
All the people that were getting swatted are all people that love Trump.
I noticed that.
They really push all of his agendas and shit like that.
They're the diehards.
They're the ones that wouldn't fucking change for the life of them.
They're the ones that would go down dying with him.
And it seemed like those guys were doing it.
And also the ones that were involved with the Epstein files.
Phase 1. Seems like it was those people.
It was like the copy-paste influencers.
It was all of those guys.
Ah, yes.
Ah, yes, the Zelda item obtainers.
Yeah. You have obtained the binder.
Exactly. And then the other one that got swatted, too, is Winata Broderick, which is crazy, man.
It's like, Clinton, she is adamant that Clinton raped her, like, big-time raped her.
And she, like...
But she loves government.
How do you love government after the President of the United States has raped you?
You know the people that allowed that to happen.
You just have to believe he's the one guy working against it all.
And they just keep missing.
That's just crazy, man.
Because it's not the elite, it's the stormtroopers.
Who else were they getting?
Let's see, they hit Juanita Broderick.
They hit that one person I was mentioning.
I've seen a few other small creators mention they get swatted, but it really does seem like it is pretty much all right-leaning, other than the one I mentioned, and I guess Juanita Broderick.
In spite of loving Trump before, she was a Clinton accuser, so probably originally not on the right before getting violated.
Yeah, and they went after Infowars, so like Chase Geyser, he claims he was swatted.
Oh, yeah.
And Owen Schroyer.
And then the other guy that was recently murdered in his car, Infowars journalist guy.
Oh, yeah, the one who got taken out.
So yeah, there's definitely a narrative being spun that as a whole, uh, conservative journalists are being attacked.
I feel like it's to, I, I,
What do you mean?
Yeah. But establishment sucks and nobody likes it.
So you can't be for the establishment even if you support it.
You have to be oblique about it.
So you have to be against the liberals rather than for the establishment.
Right. The trick of language is kind of like being pro-choice instead of anti-abortion.
Or, you know, pro-abortion rather than anti-child sacrifice.
Stuff like that.
Language matters.
Language does matter.
It really does.
It really does.
Did you look into the dude that got shot?
Oh, yeah.
They finally released the body cam.
We could actually check it out.
I never watched the thing with sound and stuff.
I just heard people talking about it.
Where do I find it?
Supposedly. Let's see.
Well, if I can find it now.
Three days later, it's like, this file does not exist.
And I'm like, well, shit.
Alright, what was the guy's name again?
I have no idea.
Are you talking about the...
The one that got shot.
Oh, wait, no.
I'm thinking of a different dude.
Sorry, not the Infowars guy.
I was talking actually about the J6 guy, the pardon guy, that got killed in a police altercation, too.
Wait, what happened with that one?
I mixed up the two stories.
You never heard of that?
I think I read the headline, but I didn't look into it.
Let's see.
Yeah, I didn't watch it all the way through, mostly because videos like that are never actually as exciting as they think they would be in real life.
Right. There it is.
Video shows deadly Northwest Indiana shooting.
Can you share your screen?
How do I screen share this bitch?
Let me go up here.
Share this one.
Is it sharing?
Yeah. Should I be seen?
Okay. There you go.
Is it working now?
Now, we have paused the video right there.
Before the deputy fires, police tell us efforts to save Huddle's life were not successful.
They also say they found a loaded gun in the vehicle.
Yep, fucked up.
So, yeah, they took him out before he was shooting himself, no less.
He can't let them suicide themselves.
I'm guessing he probably thought he was going back to jail forever.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Something recently happened.
What happened?
Well, Trump took away all—he decided, like, all the pardons that Biden— Oh, yeah, that was a—yeah, he invalidated Biden's pardons, and there was a pissing contest where they were trying to invalidate the J6 pardons as a result.
That's what's happening.
Oh, man, that's crazy.
Yeah, so then this guy doesn't want to— I mean, I would argue that preemptively pardoning and— Pardoning somebody who's already been convicted of something are two very different things, but yeah.
Absolutely. It's pretty crazy.
Well, the thing is, is they made it out like it was this tyrannical thing, but I thought, no, he's just challenging it.
I don't think he can actually take it away in the first place.
Whereas, realistically, everyone kind of suspected that they weren't going to stand because permanently exonerating somebody from things they haven't been charged with yet.
I'm like, man.
I mean, do you even get to pretend people aren't above the law at that point?
Like, you know that stuff you might get caught for eventually?
We're just gonna pardon you of that.
And they're like, what do you mean?
He's got nothing on him.
Oh, nothing.
Preemptive pardoning.
Everyone gets five preemptive fucking pardons.
Five. Everyone gets five preemptive pardons.
Five throughout your whole fucking life.
And it's like, the crazy thing is, the other option is, they turn around and uphold it.
But in doing that, wouldn't they just effectively be setting him up to be able to do the same thing and just preemptively pardon everybody in his cabinet?
Like, right now?
Yeah. Just like, let me just preemptively pardon you from now until the end of my term to do whatever the hell I want.
100%. And I'd say, yeah, that's totally illegal and you shouldn't be able to do that, but we're well past that point.
Yeah, and the InfoWars reporter, his name is Jamie White.
He was shot dead in a Texas parking lot after someone was trying to break into his car, allegedly.
Oh, yeah.
And he tried to stop it, and he got shot.
I'm curious if there was any surveillance of that that ever came out.
I didn't hear of any.
I heard they were saying that the restaurant parking lot might have something pointed out there.
I'm sure there is.
There has to be.
Most of those surveillance things in those parking lots and stuff, though, you're not going to get a very good image of it if you do.
No. Y'all blurry.
It's going to look like stick figures doing an odd dance.
Right. Especially if it's like a wide angle or like a fisheye.
And it's at a distance.
You won't see shit.
Or one of those ones that does the panoramic fill-in.
So it gives you like a 360 degree view and then just kind of like guesses what's there when it's not pointing at it.
So you get all these weird distortions.
And then that goes on those TV shows like caught on camera.
Yeah. It's a ghost!
Where you'll get the weird artifacting glitches where people turn into mentors.
Oh, hey.
What did you think about what Alex Jones was saying?
As much as I said, hey, don't swat, you're not cool.
Wait, from what it appears...
Here, let me cue this up.
Shit, I lost you.
I have to cue this up.
I'm going to cue this up for you, dude.
Oh, okay, I was about to say, I could...
You lost me?
Yeah, I lost you for a sec.
For what it appears, what now?
Alright, I'm going to share the screen.
Okay. Buy your shoes, let's go, let's do this.
Well, anyhow, since it's not popping up on my screen...
Oh, no.
I will just say that the people who argue that...
Oh, no, I don't know.
The cops are arrested when they do these swatting situations.
I'll be frank.
No, you want somebody to die because if you wanted somebody to just get thrown down by the cops, you'd tell them they were manufacturing drugs in there.
Like, boom, there you go.
That would get somebody to come to your door and go nail you to the wall and arrest your butt without nearly the risk of you getting shot.
But, you know, they're not going to be that honest because, of course, these are dishonest people who want to hurt people and want to...
Pretend that they're being both honorable and blameless while doing so.
Okay. I think I was able to cue everything.
Are you seeing this?
I am looking.
Oh, here it comes.
What do you see?
AJ! You've fallen so far from grace.
He's pointing at me.
He is.
It's you, you son of a bitch.
He says, I want you to join the Alex Jones army.
Let's see what he has to say.
... was trying to take our guns.
Here's Morgan.
If you try to take our firearms, 1776 will commence again.
Well, now I've got to tell President Trump, if you try to put King Charles as the head of the U.S. government, ahead of the American people and our president, 1776 will commence again.
So he's basically warning Donald Trump, because Donald Trump was talking about putting King Charles in charge of the U.S. government.
You hear this shit?
Wait, what?
You haven't heard about this yet?
Well, that's a hell of a flip from the J.D. Vance went over and talked to the European leaders and made them all mad at him story that happened last week.
What the hell is going on now?
I don't know.
Apparently Trump was talking about...
Is he Jar Jar Binks?
So Trump is Jar Jar.
Among many things, yes.
We must give all our power to a single leader to form a galactic empire.
Trump suggests U.S. could join British Commonwealth if offered by King Charles.
Trump weighs in on reported offer from King Charles for U.S. to join Commonwealth.
Holy fuck, man, it's all real.
Trump suggests U.S. could join British Commonwealth.
It's hard to take anything he says seriously.
Trump suggests U.S. could be associate member of British blah blah blah.
No! No!
Donald Trump says I love King Charles as monarch's bold blah blah blah.
Ugh! No!
I love King Charles.
Yeah, it's all real.
Wow. You know, Hamas, they're very smart.
Hamas are very smart.
They're very smart, you know.
That's crazy, man.
Most people forget that quote, too.
Yeah, so Charles, what would be the maneuver there?
So we'd be completely joined in in one society, the one we escaped from.
So it would make 1776 just completely...
That was another one where I'm like, wait, is that real?
And I'm like, oh, holy shit, it is.
It would render us under the purview of EU law, wouldn't it?
Like, because even with Brexit, does Britain really get to decide what it does?
Or does it still have most stuff decided by Brussels?
They sure don't really get to do...
They sure don't look like they have much autonomy, do they?
Because, listen...
Supposedly they Brexited.
This isn't Trump asking King Charles to join the United States.
This is King Charles asking the United States to join them.
So their laws would supersede any of our laws.
Yeah, and their laws suck ass.
All of them.
Their laws suck so much ass.
For example, it would be illegal to say that their laws suck ass if you offended one of the people who made those laws.
Because they suck ass!
Because they suck ass.
They suck total ass.
And they will continue to suck ass.
So yeah, fuck every last bit of that.
And if he moves that direction, yeah, that's just straight up globalist bullshit.
Absolutely. There's no excusing that.
Fuck no, dude.
It's 4D chest.
He just has to go give power all to the global government, and that's how he wins, and that's how he defeats them.
He gives them all the power, guys.
Hey, bro.
Hey, trust the plan.
Trust the fucking plan.
That's the biggest win, right?
Trust the plan, alright?
Oh, God.
That is pretty fucking terrible, isn't it?
You know it.
So, is that all the news then?
Gotta get myself in a good mood.
I have some positive shit, I can tell you.
Yes. Must reformulate thoughts for positive energy.
This next segment requires it.
I forget what post.
Let me see.
I'm trying to find this shit.
Okay, I can get rid of you.
So, aside from, you know, whether or not we become a part of the British Commonwealth and undo 1776...
How about a positive thought?
It's hard to find something positive.
Okay, right here.
This is it.
Alright. Alright.
I found it.
Alright, so I think I made a post.
Okay, that's why I'm gonna play this.
Okay. That makes sense.
None of this was planned, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay, you seeing this?
Oh, there it is.
Seeing this shit?
Yeah, Kieran Culkin.
Kieran Culkin, yeah.
This is him.
We got Best Supporting Actor Acceptance at Speech at...
What is this bullshit that you go to?
The Oscars?
Oscars. I was like, the Academy Awards?
The Oscars?
Yeah. The awards show?
Oscars. You're really good people.
You gave it your best shot.
I love you, Mom.
I want to really...
I love you, Jazz.
I have to thank my wife, Jazz.
Absolutely everything for giving me my favorite people in the world.
Please don't play the music because I want to tell a really quick story about Jazz.
About a year ago, I was on a stage like this and I very stupidly publicly said that I won a third kid from her because she said if I won the award, she would give me the kid.
It turns out she said that because I was going to win.
Really annoying her.
I think it got to her.
But anyway, after the show, we're walking through a parking lot.
She's holding the Emmy.
We're trying to find our car.
Emily, you were there, so you're a witness.
And she goes, oh, God, I did say that.
I guess I owe you a third kid.
And I turned to her and I said, really?
I want four.
She said, I will give you four when you win an Oscar.
Anyway, so the wife, his wife right here, okay?
Somebody else had made a post that she looks like a man, right?
And we just had an episode with Craig Lund and we were talking about androgynous, androgynism.
Yeah, the divine androgyne and the androgynism and pretty much the operative term for that entire episode was him saying, that's a dude over and over again.
Yeah. That's a dude.
That's a dude.
Someone was saying that Macaulay Culkin and his wife was a dude.
And so I just simply made this response just asking, using that clip.
Right. And I was like, what?
Is Macaulay Culkin, what's his name?
What's that other one's name?
Kieran? Kieran Culkin's wife a man?
Is Kieran Culkin's wife a man?
Yes or no?
Or whatever, you know.
And I posted it.
Because I said, I think he is, yes, whatever, something like that.
And I got so much hatred for it.
All these people are DMing me, just like, you fucking idiot, blah, blah, blah.
And then this one person sends me this one.
And it's at Dan on an at-or.
Dan Zero Nator.
Yeah. And then he sent this to me.
It's like, player tip, kill yourself.
I'm like, Jesus, bro.
And then right after that, he deleted his, or he blocked me, I mean.
Well, you know.
Isn't that amazing?
Otherwise, you might actually respond to it.
Yep. I mean, how is that?
Like, that's some Wild West, like, old internet shit.
I know, dude.
Are embedded messages just completely, like, immune to moderation?
It's so funny.
Because I'll tell you what, if I said that to somebody in text, I don't even think they would allow me to post it in the first damn place.
And it would immediately flag it and limit the view before I even sent the damn thing out.
So fucking hilarious.
The amount of that sort of shit I got was just so crazy.
They seem a little overly upset.
You like that?
Yeah, overly upset.
I found this on Timu.
See this?
This is hilarious.
I had to take a picture of it.
What the hell, man?
Editing. The editing is so fucking hilarious.
Could you imagine the reviews for that thing?
I don't even know.
Like an 800 pound woman?
Yeah, I don't know.
It says 3.4 thousand sold.
Makes a great ramp for my horse trailer.
Holy shit, yeah.
So she weighs, I don't know, like 800 pounds and they have like a big ass weight next to it and says it weighs 900 pounds so it can hold up to 900 pounds.
I mean, this woman weighs 700 pounds probably.
They had to prove it.
They just photoshopped by cutting her out of a different image, layering it over this image of their fucking like their chair bed thing, outdoor chair bed.
That almost looks like that lady.
It's the goofiest looking fucking job.
What do you mean?
That's professional work right there.
I know.
That's their job.
Somebody definitely got to paste at least $5 on Fiverr to do that amazing job.
It's so good.
Who does she look like?
Someone got a random person claiming to be a girl online to talk to them because of that picture.
Like, if you Photoshop for this for me, I'll send you DMs.
And they're like in nudes and they're like, we'll start with DMs.
Maybe. Play it slow.
Maybe. I like to take things slow.
Smiley face, kiss, smiley, love a kiss.
I like to take it slow.
I wait at least a year before sending kiss emojis.
What can I say?
I'm very shy.
But if you sub, I'll let you see my bubble.
The other guy's like telling his friends, bro.
I have a girlfriend.
I have a girlfriend.
They're like, hell yeah, dude.
And they're like, really?
I'm a tier two sub to your girlfriend.
Yeah. Do you need me to act like your girlfriend?
Oh, that reminds me of a story.
Have you ever heard this shit?
Dude, it was like that.
Two kids met, and then one of them fell in love with the other one.
And they were both in this online chat room.
And they got to know each other more, but there was this one girl in the chat room that they both liked, but she was starting to fall for one of the friends.
And so she started talking to him a lot more, and then he started doing an online dating with the girl, while all three were still friends.
And the two of them, the two boys, they hadn't met.
None of these people met in real life.
They were all online friends.
But the one boy had this crazy, intense love for this boy that was in love with this girl.
And eventually, it was like, yeah, we should meet up, or whatever.
And they eventually met up somewhere.
Dude, the story gets really deep, because they made this crazy friendship, and they broke up in the friendship, they broke up in the dating, but...
In the end, the two friends were like, let's go meet up in real life.
The kid was like, okay.
And so he's like, okay, cool.
Meet me here.
I'll meet you there.
This is in Europe somewhere.
And they met.
And they're two kids, like 16, 17, I think.
And as it turned out, the one kid that had this deep affection for the other kid, he was acting like the girl.
He was the girl.
And he was this kid.
He was playing two characters.
And he set all this crazy shit in motion, like, really pulling this kid's heartstrings, and you could tell this kid was, like, super gullible, and was just fucking with him, but he, like, loved him, too.
Wow. And, like, so eventually, so there they are in this alleyway, and, like, he pretty much unfolds the whole thing to him, and ends up stabbing the kid, though.
Well, it doesn't sound like he loves him that much.
Or, no, I don't think he killed him.
I think he survived.
No, I think he survived, actually.
It was a love tap.
When they were both arrested, part of their terms when getting out of their jail, whatever, they both could not access online chat rooms and things anymore.
That's right.
I probably got so many different stories mixed into one right there, but I fucking...
It's partly true.
I mean, I feel like a lot of these people's problems would be solved by not anonymously hooking up with random strangers online.
Absolutely. So, yeah.
Not being able to chat, like, I could see that being a restriction for getting out early.
Yeah. Like, that's a pretty basic way they offended.
It's pretty intense.
That is pretty crazy, though.
Like, no, you're not capable of internetting.
You need to stay the hell away from it.
Oh, this shit's pretty crazy.
This comes from New York Post.
March 11th.
I got all these stories out of March 11th.
Drugged out Florida wacko who bit off chunk of flesh from cop's skull at music festival, sentenced for horrific attack.
That's the headline.
What do you think happened before I get into it?
He was not feeling the plur.
There was definitely not peace and love in this scenario.
But, you know, he might have loved the pieces.
I love them to pieces.
Keep going.
It's fluff instead of blur.
Peace, love, unity, and cannibalism.
One of these things is not like the others.
Oh man, cannibalism.
That's another thing before I jump into this fucking thing.
Cannibalism is getting a huge rise again.
There's a new taco...
Have you seen this shit?
A new Taco Bell or Taco something?
I was gonna say, the new Taco Ben.
The tacos made of Ben.
Oh, there's this new commercial.
I don't know what restaurant does it, but, like, it's this dude who gets lost in the woods, and he sees this other person in the woods, but they're, like, really weird.
It's a weird person.
And then they kind of come close together, and I think they hug or something like that, and then all of these people come out of the woodwork.
Like, they were all hiding, and they all came out, like, slowly coming down trees, and it's, like, really creepy.
The whole landscape is really creepy.
And then, like, it shows this big egg that comes out of nowhere, and all of these forest people are, like, holding it and praying to it, do this weird, like, ritualistic shit with it.
And in the end, they basically, like, they boiled him in some fucking oil, and then they ate him.
And that is a commercial for, like, it's a fast food restaurant chain.
Wow. I'm sorry, sir.
Did you say you wanted beef?
Shredded beef?
Chicken? Or long pig?
Maybe I can find it.
Sorry, we have chicken, fretted beef, and long pig.
We should definitely watch it.
I could get back into that story I was about to tell.
Terrible place.
Food sucked.
Was told that the last customer said the same thing and something happened to them.
Yeah. Very disgusting.
Found a tooth in my taco.
Something's up with this place.
Yeah, it's not the first time.
This is the third tooth I've found in these tacos.
Third time I've been here.
Okay, here it is.
KFC! It's fucking KFC.
Oh, damn.
Alright, turn the music on.
They're like, why don't I see Colonel Sanders around anymore?
Like, he outlived his usefulness.
They ate him already.
Because, you know, they have to eat, like, the old ones.
Goddamn play.
They're like, this is a reproduction of what, it was a recreation of what happened to Colonel Sanders.
Yeah. The last day is Sanders.
Yeah. Alright, here, watch your shit.
Alright, let's see this.
Welcome to the new Deliverance-themed KFC.
Complimentary banjo music will be played for the entirety of your stay.
The end of the day is a very
time to get out of the way.
*Gunshot*
They're like, the human sacrifice is prepared.
And they're like, but how's this going to sell us chicken?
And they're like, what about chicken?
What about chicken?
Put him down in oil.
He's boiling.
now he's a giant chicken nugget
thing.
So wait, is he worshipping?
Are they worshipping a giant egg?
I don't get that.
So he just came out?
Like, that person's new?
Like, I don't get that part.
Like, I don't get that part.
Wow. So,
yeah. So, yeah, that was a lovely human sacrifice disguised as a commercial.
Very poorly.
What was up with the egg in the background?
Like, the big-ass giant golden egg jumping up and down.
Also, that egg kind of looks like those weird, like, those weird, like, UAP things.
Oh, the new UFO shape they found in a cave somewhere.
Yeah, I was gonna say, put it on the side and doesn't that look like a, doesn't that look like a Tic Tac UAP?
Yeah, they're really pushing that one.
Well, I mean, apparently they're feeding people to it.
And the chicken god declares it must be so.
The fuck even is this commercial?
But they're definitely, they're promoting, KFC's promoting cannibalism.
And I've been making posts about the Cannibal Cafe in LA, and like my first two posts about it got deleted somehow.
And so I made a new one.
And yeah, that place is nuts, dude.
But like...
Cannibalism is getting talked about more and more in these certain circles.
It's out there in the public.
He is an initiate to the chicken sect.
Except he doesn't realize that he's the lucky 30th initiate.
33rd initiate.
Eat ze bros.
Eat ze bros.
And live in the pot.
So he must now be sacrificed to the giant UAP egg.
That's why they want the foreskins, man.
That's why they want the baby's foreskins.
Again, like, how is this even a fucking commercial for KFC?
Is this, like, some kind of weird, like, tribal ritual?
It's less like a commercial and more like those weird, like, interludes that Adult Swim used to have.
Okay, now I can get to that fucking story.
I can get to the fucking story about the drugged-out Florida wacko who bit off chunk of flesh from cop's skull at a music festival.
Sentence... For horrific attack.
Alright. We've made it thus far.
So, this comes from, where did I get this?
New York Post.
A crazed Florida man who chomped off a chunk of flesh from a cop's skull at a local music festival and then complained hair was stuck in his teeth will spend the next six years behind bars for the horrific drug-induced attack.
Well, damn.
I'm curious, like, exactly what drugs the dude was on.
I don't know.
Let's check it out.
James Anderson, 37, was sentenced Monday for sinking his teeth into the head of a Holmes County Sheriff deputy, ripping off a hunk of scalp and exposing the cop's skull at Soul Fest in Ponce de Leon on May 5th,
2024, according to the state attorney's office.
A grisly photo of the cop's stomach-churning injury shows a gaping hole in the back of his body.
Bloody head.
Is there a picture?
I don't see a picture.
Chief Prosecutor Jacob Cook said in a statement, violence against our local law enforcement officers will not be tolerated and criminals that make the choice to do so will be held responsible.
Tase echoes through the canyon, canyon, canyon.
And he goes on to say, this is the most severe bite wound I have ever seen in my career as a prosecutor.
And this defendant is going to spend the next several years in prison paying for his violent actions.
Actions. Actions.
I gotta say, like, if anybody shouldn't get high at the rave, I feel like it's that dude.
This guy should not get high at the rave.
You could literally devour human flesh.
That's a good reason not to.
Just be a fucking little gatekeeper guy.
A little ticket stub look at her.
Like, I don't know.
You look like the kind of dude that would bite off an ear.
Yeah, there's too much temptation there because you get to look at a lot of different ears.
Chow down.
There's going to be a lot of vulnerable ears.
They're probably going to be a little wasted so they might not react quite right away.
You'll probably get a couple bites off.
I don't think there's a job there for him.
Maybe clean up.
I mean, I feel like he could create a lot of work there.
He could create a lot of work.
He could bring in jobs.
Yeah, he could be great busy work.
So they go out here to say the brute was working as a volunteer at the four-day music festival and arts festival when he tried to snatch the deputy's gun from his holster before savagely biting down on his noggin.
Jeez. And you'd think he'd be so compliant after that, right?
After he tries to take a cop's gun and bites his head.
Yeah, you'd think so.
Yeah. Complained he had hair in his teeth after the rabid assault,
prosecutors and police said.
Holy crap.
I'm pretty sure the PCP was the one that actually caused it, but holy shit, what a concoction.
Yeah, that's a big mix.
He was going hard, man.
He was chasing something.
I mean, the fact that, like...
You know, he could reach for a cop's gun and then have the strength to, like, overpower his panicked reaction to bite him in the head.
Yeah, that's some PPZP strength right there.
In the first damn place, just to be able to do that.
Like, you're talking a high-adrenaline situation where the dude responding is going to be panicking.
That guy would have gotten flung off in a second if he wasn't himself, like, super drugged out and ultra-strong as a result.
That is absolutely balls-out crazy.
I've heard some crazy stories that I was never sure were true or not of people on PCP jumping out of two-story buildings and landing in a run.
Yeah, there are those stories.
Cutting their arms down to the bone and then just bandaging it up and then just going out to the bar because they completely forgot they'd cut themselves.
Yeah. Takes away all your pain, man.
There was an old video of one of those, like, most extreme police videos back in the 90s, you know?
And there was, like, a biker or something like that, and the cops were chasing him, and he, like, came up and ran at them, and they, like, I don't know, got in a fight, a scuffle, but he was super high on PCP, but he gets up off the ground, and both of his arms are noticeably broken, and he's just like,
oh, man, can I get a cigarette?
They're just like, what the hell's wrong with you?
Yeah, dude.
That stuck in my mind forever.
Reminded me of the dude, like, that I'd heard, the story I heard with, like, the drunk guy showed up somebody's door, like, and fell over, like, in the threshold and asked him, was there a bathroom in there?
And the guy's like, no, go away.
No bathrooms here, they're all broken.
Yeah, we don't want you in here.
Yeah, like, he's gonna, like, like, that dude's not even, like, there's a good chance he's not gonna hit the bathroom, let alone the toilet.
Oh, man.
I walked into a toilet, a public restroom.
This was a while back, but it was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life.
Like, somebody purposely shit, diarrhea shit, all over the fucking walls.
Oh, God.
Not cool.
Yeah, I've cleaned up a few messes like that.
And whoever does it, they almost always just kind of nonchalantly leave after wiping themselves off.
Yeah. Gross, man.
Nothing happened.
So fucked up.
Yeah. Like, it was all over the mirror and everything, dude.
I'm glad I did not have to clean that shit.
Yeah, in my case, I did, and it sucked.
That's disgusting.
And, like, you legitimately ask yourself, like, what angle were you aiming at to, like, even cause this, like, feat of physics to occur?
That is absolutely disgusting.
How did it get here in the first damn place?
Like, I had to take some effort almost.
Oh, fuck.
Hey, did you hear about this one, man?
The ex-Philippines president, Rodrigo Duterte?
Duterte? He was arrested.
He was arrested for crimes against humanity.
Oh, Jesus.
For his infamous war on drugs, I saw 30,000 suspects executed by police.
They legitimately went and arrested the guy.
Wow, that's a hell of a war on drugs.
So, he's in prison now.
That's the kind of war on drugs that comes with an opposing force.
And, you know...
Engagements. Yeah.
He's 79. He was arrested at Manila's International Airport.
Yeah, I actually just heard somebody saying that.
They're like, well, he said he was running on killing all the criminals, and then he just killed them all, so what's the problem?
And I'm like, I don't know.
If somebody ran on executing all of you, and then they started doing that, that would probably be bad for you.
So it's pretty surprising.
I'm surprised.
The ICC actually...
Went and arrested this guy.
I mean, like, also, wow, if 30,000 people were drug dealers, like, and, like, confirmed, like, big time ones, damn, that must have been a hell of an industry.
Yeah, between 2016 and 2019, he killed 30,000, up to 30,000, so you got, like, you know, 30,000 a year, or 10,000 a year.
But I remember a live television show that he was on where he openly admitted that he personally has executed people.
Like, he has legitimately himself just shot people in the head.
For drugs.
This is all for drugs.
It was his clampdown on drugs.
It's like, drugs are so bad that you're better off dead, trust me.
Yeah. But he himself was just a huge drug user.
So yeah, he was arrested.
And they're like, oh my god, like, you shot him six times?
And they're like, yeah.
But you know what didn't kill him?
Drugs. The whole goal here is to not let people die from drugs, so we go in there and we kill them first.
Be like, he's overdosing, quick, shoot him!
I am by no means death penalty.
Cause of death?
Gunfire. There you go.
The drug deaths are way down.
Oh yeah, like the first some dude in South Carolina or something, he was the first dude in quite some time to be executed by a firing squad just recently.
Did you hear about that one?
Yeah. I didn't even know they could still do firing squad.
Yeah, dude.
If you choose it, if it's a state where they allow you to choose the means, you can choose that one.
And if they have that on their list of approved ways to do it.
Not many states do.
I think six or seven do.
I know Idaho recently just did, or not Idaho, Oregon recently got that adopted again.
They're like, in the interest of being humane, we've decided to revive the brass bull.
Yeah. Cheaper.
Because the companies that used to make the drugs, what's a pro-hypnol type of drug?
It's self-funding.
You sell tickets to the suffering.
Right. Like, the drug companies that make those chemicals that are used in those chemical ones, they don't want to be involved in the killing of people.
Yeah. They don't want to make the drugs anymore.
Well, it's super bad press for them, because no matter how much they conceal what it's used for, inevitably, at some point, somebody's going to look up who produces the chemical this, which I think it's actually a cocktail of several different ones that effectively,
normally, they wouldn't be deadly alone, but when you combine them, they're deadly.
Or rather, they wouldn't be guaranteed deadly alone.
Because the idea is you need it to be as close to 100% as possible, because otherwise you run the risk of just really causing a lot of suffering and then not killing the person, too.
As he's saying, in October, the former leader told Senate Inquiry...
Oh, Duarte just saying, yeah, he had to kill a death squad of seven, but they were not policemen, they were gangsters.
Damn. He would ask gangsters to kill people.
What a dick.
So he went full-on warlord, pretty much.
Like, using the warring factions to kill each other off, effectively.
Oh, yeah.
Because I'd imagine that those gangsters were probably not clean of drug sales themselves.
Yeah, big time.
And more than likely just rival gang members thinking, oh, you could go murder my competition?
Hell yes.
And get government backing and support?
Like, of course I'll go do that.
I get to kill my enemies and be immune from prosecution?
Oh, yeah, dude.
Because you know the whole point of doing this is to cover up for your own deeds.
I don't think these gangs were doing this because they thought, man, I'm such a great altruistic person.
What can I do to help my government?
Oh, yeah.
Guarantee that.
I was just chilling, sitting here, thinking I was boiling somebody alive in a pot and torturing three pill people.
You know, I was reviewing the, like, 14 people I was going to sell later, and I just thought to myself, like, how can I be a better person?
Yeah, lean back in a chair, tap in the cheek, just like, huh, what could make me a better human being?
Lean back in a chair made of human skulls.
Be like, am I the baddies?
Am I all of the baddies?
Why are you all staring at me?
What's the problem?
You point at me and you say, that is the bad guy.
Just because I killed your cousin and forced you into work with me.
And looking at it that way, you're kind of right.
I see now.
I get it.
Combined, I don't know how long we've gone.
Do you know how many minutes we've done?
We're up past two hours at this point.
We should probably put off the...
16? Yeah, we should probably put off the theory of everything idea until next time because it's probably going to take too long at this point.
But we got an episode anyways.
We rambled on!
There you go!
We're successful.
I mean, if it didn't already take like two and a half hours, I'd say fuck it and power through.
But yeah, we should probably wrap it up and do some epilogging.
I have like two more stories in this list I have.
We might as well just finish it out so I don't have to copy.
All right.
Sounds good.
We'll just do the other thing next week, then.
Well, yeah, we can record that next week.
We're already looking at 9 o'clock for a finish time.
Jesus. Yeah.
Did we even get started early or late?
I don't even know.
Oh, we definitely got started late.
But then we also got kicked off several times, too.
Yeah. So I gotta say, like, initially, I think when we first started recording...
5.30?
No, I connected at 5.30.
But then we didn't start recording until 6. Okay.
And then disconnected and then reconnected.
Anyways, next two stories.
That did.
That one.
All of this is making it longer.
That one's kind of crazy.
That one's fucked up.
Alright, here's one.
Here's one for ya.
This comes from March 3rd, 2025.
A man has been jailed for five and a half years after filming his girlfriend having sex with a dog.
Deep breath.
And Judge Jeremy Richardson Casey told Graham Marshall, 39, that he wallowed in a swamp of sexual depravity when he used coercion to make Paige Reaney, 33, engage in multiple sex acts with a pet pug,
Charlie. Hey, Charlie!
Hey, Charlie, wake up!
Yeah, Charlie, you silly sleepyhead, wake up!
Oh, God, you guys.
Rainy did retain some blame for what happened to the poor, helpless creature.
Some blame.
But otherwise, it's totally the dog's doing, guys.
The dog was just so telling me how hot I was.
Dog's just like, you're so dirty, sexy, let me at you.
Really knows how to compliment a woman.
What can I say?
The dog was a pickup artist, and he's just too damn good.
I had to let him have his way with me.
In fact, I'm here to drop the charges.
The circumstances of this case are extremely disturbing, Judge Richardson said.
In a professional life in the law covering 45 years, I thought I had encountered most acts of depravity.
Oh my god.
This case is perhaps the worst example of a case of its kind that I have ever come across.
Wow. It's like somebody listened to the old, uh, I think it was a, was it a Blink 81, 182 song?
I wanna fuck a dog in the ass.
It sounds like that.
Wanna fuck a dog in the ass?
Well, maybe in reverse, though.
But same idea.
What is this?
So Judge Richardson said Rini, who was sentenced to nine months in prison, suspended for two years, never refused any of the perverted requests from her partner.
The judge described how the pair shared pictures on TikTok.
Marshall described them as so, so fucking hot, it's amazing.
While Rini told him, Wish I could have you right now.
Fucking romantic, right?
I know.
Steamy. It's like, again, this is about banging animals.
It's fucking crazy, dude.
Oh, shit.
Your mouth says yelp yelp, but your heart says yip yip.
Oh, no.
Oh, here's a sad one.
Here's a really sad one.
February 24th, 2025.
This is here.
An 18-year-old American tourist is suspected by police of having thrown her newborn baby out of a Paris hotel window.
prosecutors on Monday confirmed an infant was taken to hospital after being found outside a hotel in the trendy 20th arrondissement of the French capital on Monday morning but died in emergency care.
Detectives believe the baby was thrown from the window of a second floor room.
Police sources quoted the French.
It was said the child still had its umbilical cord attached and was wrapped in a cloth.
The young woman was taken to hospital where she was placed in police custody on the spot.
Blah, blah, blah.
She was part of a group of young adults traveling in Europe.
According to local newspaper La Parision, officials
a homicide investigation has been opened.
Uh... That's fucked up.
Well, damn.
I was kind of hoping the kid was going to survive in the end because then I could joke about it.
But now I'm just like, that's nasty.
That's terrible.
Not nearly as dark as I used to be when I used to just bandy out the dead baby jokes like they were freaking Barney episodes.
But now I'm just like, yeah, I got no words.
That's a bit much.
Yeah, the things you grow out of, right?
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, I will state that babies are not terribly aerodynamic.
You want to start doing some mukbang for fans?
The fans can watch us do mukbang.
They'll watch you.
You could eat as many hamburgers or whatever.
Rotten hamburgers, rotten fish.
That sounds like a great idea.
I want to become one of the stories you're reporting on.
Ladies and gentlemen, sad, sad episode for today.
Cricket muck-banged himself to death.
Yeah, I feel like in a tragic turn of events, it turns out that combining bleach and ammonia as a salsa was not the best idea.
Oh, poor fella.
On a side note, March 9th, 2025.
A woman who raped and abused children with a lover she met online has been found dead in her prison cell.
Okay. Rebecca Holloway's case was described by a judge as one of the most distressing he had ever seen.
Well, damn.
Officials investigating Holloway found sexual images of children in her possession as well as close-up pictures of girls'underwear and sex toys.
They then just discovered a girl had been raped and another child, a very young boy, had a sexual injury.
The mom admitted a list of child sexual offenses, including two rapes, at Great Gimsby Crown Court in 2018.
She was later sentenced to 12 and a half years in prison.
Last month Holloway was found dead, aged 31, at HMP Lowe Newton in County Durham, where she was less than five years into her sentence.
Rebecca Holloway died on the 13th of February.
Holloway met serial pedo Oliver Wilson online and the pair teamed up to carry out sickening abuse of children.
During her trial, prosecutor Paul O'Shea said Holloway sank to real depths of depravity to satisfy her own sexual urges.
She and her lover were both jailed in 2020 with Wilson being sentenced to 30 years after being convicted of 11 offenses including 5 rapes.
His phone revealed a highly sexualized and extremely graphic conversations with Holloway about the said abuses.
So just a jolly olly holiday.
With Chomo Lady Holloway.
I think I'm going to remove that one.
It's pretty wicked.
God damn.
I'm going to remove that last one.
But that was a great one-liner, damn it.
Save it for later.
Save it for later.
When's the next time there's going to be a Chomo named Holloway?
Save it for later.
I'll make sure to save that for later.
I'm like, that's good, damn it.
Don't delete it.
Save it.
Alright, we'll finish out with this one.
UK's, because a lot of people might know this person, just from the, if anybody out there are, like, serial killer fans, or, you know, fanboys of, like, true crime type shit, this guy you probably know pretty well.
UK's most dangerous prisoner on hunger strike after PlayStation confiscated comes to us March 9th, 2025 from Metro Coke UK.
They let them have Playstations?
Yeah, dude.
I guess they're a thing now, Yuck.
You can get those in prisons nowadays.
No pencils.
You might stab someone in the eye, but here's a PlayStation.
For mental health.
Locked in a glass cage under Wakefield Prison, quadruple killer Robert Maudsley has been condemned as Britain's most dangerous inmate.
The 71-year-old has languished in solitary confinement since 1983, longer than any other prisoner in modern history.
Damn! That's nuts.
That's like the equivalent of almost two life sentences.
Oh. Like, let's see, that'll be what, 40 years total?
40. Because life sentences are usually 25, so yeah, like, he's almost done with his second life sentence.
42 years total.
Meaning that he effectively served multiple.
That is crazy, dude.
So... Aside from an hour each day, he's allowed outside under a six-officer escort.
He's never expected to get out.
With no cellmates to offer companionship, Maudsley spends his days playing PlayStation, watching TV, reading books, and listening to music.
The things we all do.
At least he did, until they were confiscated in an operational exercise last month.
Now Maudsley is on hunger strike.
I mean, what more do you do when they take your fucking PlayStation?
I'm kind of confused as to why they took it away.
Like, what was the operational reason for this?
I don't know.
Like, you know, the dude's already locked in a box and everything.
If you're going to let him have something and then take it away, like, you should have just not let him have it in the first damn place.
Like, it's just weird because, you know, it's like I thought it would be like a punishment or something.
Let's see here.
His brother Paul74 told the mirror, He's been refusing food since last Friday, so we are very worried about him.
He called me from prison that day, and he sounded angry and anxious.
He told me, I'm going on hunger strike, so don't be surprised if this is the last time I call you.
Is that good?
Well, I mean, man's gotta have a Senran Kagura, or he goes mad.
What can I say?
I feel for this man.
Give him his PlayStation back.
Yeah, absolutely give him his PlayStation back.
He's 71. Also, he probably did some really horrible shit.
He absolutely did some horrible shit.
So, you know, I probably don't feel that bad for him.
Bob is now 71. We don't know how long he will be able to survive without food.
The confiscation items had been given to Modsley after he sent letters to the press begging for better conditions.
Did they go over what he did originally?
Like, just...
Just monstrous crimes, as they just said.
Like, what exactly?
Oh, he was a murderer.
He was like a hardcore murderer over there.
Big time murderer.
Brutal guy.
I mean, honestly, I'd be kind of scared to take away somebody like that's privileges in the first place.
Yeah. So he says, I am left to stagnate, vegetate, and to regress.
He wrote in one letter.
Asking for a pet budgie, he said, Is that pretty good?
Sounds about right.
Also, the way he references himself...
Kind of makes me think he was probably possessed at some point when he did these things.
You could have alters, for sure.
I'm listening to him referring to himself in the third person and thinking, I've heard this kind of language before.
He's only been in solitary confinement for like 43 years.
Like, holy shit.
That's true.
It's probably a long time to be personalized, I suppose.
Yeah. When Maudsley was first locked up in 1974, it was in Broadmoor Hospital.
Not solitary confinement.
Original from Specky in Liverpool, Mosley had moved to London at 16, developed a drug addiction, and turned to sex work to sustain himself.
After a client, 30-year-old John Farrell, showed him pictures of children he had sexually abused, Mosley, then 21, snapped.
Having been sexually abused by his father as a child, Mosley flew into a rage and strength Farrell to death.
It was his first victim, and the start of a pattern of killing rapists and child molesters.
Locked up at the psychiatric hospital, Maudsley and a fellow inmate barricaded themselves inside a room with child molester David Francis.
Oh yeah, this shit's nuts.
They tied him up.
Yeah, that's kind of funny.
This dude would be like low down like an inmate hero if he was in the U.S. prison system.
People would be putting money on his commissary and stuff.
Because there's one thing that even pretty hardcore criminals are not fond of.
It's Beto's.
So it's kind of surprising that they treat him like he's such a great monster.
And I'm like, is he the only mass murderer?
Right. They tied him up, tortured him to death, and dangled his body for prison guards to see.
It would eventually earn him his nicknames.
First, it was blue for the color his victims were found in.
Then spoons for the utensil found in Francis' ear.
And finally, the one that stuck Hannibal the cannibal, based on the lie spread by newspaper reports that he had eaten his victim's brains.
So wait, this guy was a pedo hunter, but he became the inspiration for Silence of the Lambs?
It could have been him, I guess.
Well, I was about to say, he got the nickname Hannibal the cannibal?
Yeah. That was...
That was Hannibal's nickname from the movie.
Yeah. Hannibal the Cannibal.
And I'm like, but Hannibal the Cannibal was not a pedo hunter, mind you.
Let's see.
Let's ask.
So, interesting spin there.
Was Robert Maudsley the inspiration for Hannibal Lecter?
I mean, the other option is that they named him that because of the movie.
And because of the rumors of him eating somebody, too, that could entirely be the case, too.
It looks like it is.
It looks like it is.
It's just, with the time frame being as it is, either one could be the case.
So Robert Mosley was the inspiration.
Robert Mosley, a real-life serial killer, is allegedly the inspiration for the character Hannibal Lecter, although never confirmed.
It is believed that Mosley had eaten a portion of his victim's brain.
And then the part...
Which prompted writer Thomas Harris...
To write and produce the character of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.
And completely remove the pulpeto hunter aspect of his story.
This is very interesting, you know that?
It's pretty interesting.
Because I'm like, you know, mass murderers as a whole are not good people.
They kill people.
But you have to ask yourself specifically why this dude is especially being held up as a, quote, monster when, like...
I'm thinking to myself, like, I've gone over stories that are way nastier than this one on this show.
Oh, yeah.
Like, we have covered some stuff, like, I don't know if any of it was in Britain or not, but that, like, made this pretty plain vanilla, almost.
Like, this was, like, a Lifetime movie compared to most of that shit, which is, like, freaking...
Sci-fi channel levels of nasty.
So yeah, it really kind of shocks me that they're like, this horrible, disgusting dude.
It's like, what did he do?
And it's like, he killed a chomo who showed him pictures of his victims and bragged about it.
It's like, what?
And maybe ate a part of an ear.
And maybe ate part of somebody.
And I'm like, but that almost sounds like exaggeration then.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know.
Let's keep reading this.
Already declared unfit either to stand trial or ever be released after the first murder, Maudsley was now deemed so dangerous he was sent to Monster Mansion, officially called Wakefield Prison.
There, his killings continued.
In 1978, he lured wife-killer Salney Darwood to his cell, slashed his throat, and hid his body under the bed, like it was nothing.
Madsley had his eyes on another six inmates to kill in similar ways, but he only succeeded in slaying 56-year-old Bill Roberts, who had been stabbed in the skull before bashing his head against a wall.
He then walked into the prison guard's office, placed the weapon on the desk, and told staff the next roll call would be too short.
Jeez. Damn.
So, yeah, that is pretty damn cold.
So I'm guessing probably the reason they committed him was actually more so about the fact that he pretty clearly was going to re-offend if he was ever let out again.
Because he was still offending.
Yeah. Like the dude was offending from the inside.
I mean, this is just a really violent dude, man.
Like, it was just in him.
He just loved that shit.
Just killed.
And that also kind of does bring into question, like, did he just use the whole pedo hunter excuse as, like, justification to make himself sound better?
Yeah. Because he knew the other guy was a perv.
Because, you know, you're being asked to take the word of a convicted murderer here.
Right, right.
Convicted of murder, he has been in an 18x15 cell ever since.
His nephew, Gavin, once said...
If you put him with rapists and pedophiles, I know because he told us he is going to kill as many pedophiles as he can.
That's crazy.
I'm not condoning what he did, but the people he killed were really bad people.
Modsley has described the situation as, Oh, like being buried alive in a coffin.
Would pretty much be it.
Yeah. By 2000, his mental state was so bad, he begged the courts to allow him to die.
Oh, could you imagine?
Holy shit.
Instead, they were just like, here's a PlayStation.
Here's a PlayStation.
Add, like, some exercise game you can play.
Here's a PlayStation.
Go running.
Run those depressing thoughts away.
Just push the buttons.
Let your mind fray.
Well, they could have given him, I don't know, a fun game to play.
Don't give him, like, Yandere Simulator or something.
Yandere Simulator?
Yeah, Yandere Simulator.
What's that one?
It's like this old dating online game where...
The person kept announcing that they were going to release it and put out teasers, but they would just never do it.
They milked people for money forever.
Oh, shit.
Imagine a dude like this getting a 50% completed one and then waiting for it.
He'd break out to go hunt the dude down if he wouldn't release it.
On the plus side, they'd finally come out with Yandere Simulator.
He's just like, that's all he has is this game, but it's like, wait till next week and we'll get you the next level.
But he never comes.
He just waits.
He's like carrying a blade that's like labeled the unfulfilled stretch goals.
So after he begged the courts to allow him to die, they decided, you know what?
Let's give him a fucking PlayStation.
He loves playing war games, chess, and that's about it.
War games and chess on the PlayStation.
But he always watches old films.
And reads factual books.
Wouldn't you know it?
Well, I mean, the dude's so, like, mentally gone that he's pretty much just waiting to die and hopefully not be so insane in a future lifetime.
Jeez. Yeah, he's pretty crazy.
Definitely pretty crazy guy.
But I guess that is where we will leave it, ladies and gentlemen.
It's been fun.
Hopefully I do not sound different because I have to use everything new and different.
And we got kicked off like a thousand times.
You know it.
But, you know, whatever.
Any final thoughts, Cricket?
I don't know, I'm just imagining the last dude getting a Genshin Impact account and going out and attacking a bunch of developers because the server goes down for like 8 hours.
That's no good.
I'm like, honestly, I can't think of a single game where there isn't some kind of thing that could go wrong and make this dude go psycho on the devs or other people.
It's no good, man.
Fucking GTA.
I don't know.
Old NES games.
Old NES games.
No patches.
No online.
No potential to lose anything.
No saves.
Because I was about to say, imagine if this dude had a save file glitch out and fail on him or some shit.
That'd be horrible.
But GTA better not have problems.
Yeah, I was going to say, do not get the sense that this guy deals with adversity well.
No. But GTA 6 better not have these fucking problems.
Oh, God.
If GTA 6 has these types of fucking problems, there will be problems.
Oh, yeah.
Well, as much as I try to avoid going too much into games unless they're actually mainstream news in some segue, I will say that they already planned and want to make GTA Baseline $100 to buy.
So, enjoy.
Enjoy, like, the shaft right up your butt from the start.
I thought it was only $50.
They raised it to $100?
Yeah, they want it, well, $50 for GTA V. Yeah, when GTA VI comes out, a lot of people are saying they want it to be $100.
And quite a lot of developers want it to be $100 because they wanted that to be the new standard for AAA gaming going forward, which is just so insane.
That is so fucked up.
It's like...
The whole reason games were expensive back in the day was because of the formatting and the tech and the actual physical storage and stuff and the cartridges were all very expensive to produce.
And then during the CD revolution, that production value dropped way down.
It became a few cents on the dollar at most.
Sometimes as little as 1% of the cost of production.
And now we get into digital where there's almost no physical production other than burning a CD down again for collection purposes.
And half the time all that thing does is start installing the damn thing so you can download the rest of the shit to patch it online afterwards.
And we're still paying the same amount of money as we were back then and they want it to go higher.
In fact, games back then were sometimes more expensive.
But they were also sometimes cheaper based on the cost of the tech involved.
Whereas now they're just consistently expensive, period.
Unless they're indie.
Yeah. Well, alright.
Was that your final thought?
Yep. Enjoy your $100 game when GTA 6 comes out.
Hopefully it doesn't suck.
Hopefully it does not suck, but it got...
Better not for a hundred friggin' dollars.
Yeah, but we know that DEI did get swept into there, but I'm wondering that since that's finally been logically removed from our society, or at least trying to, and we're kinda doing good at it, that they're gonna go in there and delete that code, recode that shit, all that DEI fuckin' bullshit.
But who knows?
Maybe they'll leave it in there.
I mean, I think Dan Hauser's smarter than this, but...
I mean, parodying DEI...
If they had real balls...
They would parody DEI and make fun of it.
Absolutely. And the game would be a huge fucking hit.
But I don't really see them having those kind of co-hosts.
I don't either, dude.
But you fucking better.
Dan Hauser, you fucking better.
And I know you listen to the show.
You better do it.
They're like, I know you're looking to me for personal consultations, so if you are, use this idea, Mr. Hauser.
Don't fail us.
Do not fail us, Mr. Houser.
Be like, if you can't make it good, make it so bad it's good.
