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Feb. 23, 2023 - ParaNaughtica

01:04:47

Valley of the Headless Men - Part 1

Put on your mukluks and your tuque because we are going to venture into a very isolated, cold, desolate area of the Great White North in Kanata. Hardly explored, hardly mapped, hardly heard of.......that's right, we are heading to the Nahanni National Park Reserve where many a men have been found without their heads. Join us on this adventure. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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	Thank you.
	Do you know why they named it?
	Canada anywhere there, Bob.
	Oh, well, according to legend, old Tim Horton himself says that, you know, they threw a bunch of letters into a sack, and they took a single letter out of the sack one by one, you know.
	And the first letter they pulled out was a C-A, the next was an N-A, and the last was a D-A.
	Oh, you certainly nailed that one in one fell swoop, sir.
	I'm thoroughly impressed with your historical knowledge.
	Oh no, Bob.
	Credit is due where credit is deserved.
	And that would be to the Reader's Digest.
	Did you see that centerfold last month of Sonia Benezra?
	Wowee! Wouldn't mind bringing her to Timmy's to grab a box of Timbits and a couple large double-doubles, eh?
	And I'd pay for it.
	Oh, you know it, buddy.
	You know it.
	Say, I heard you got yourself in a bit of spilled syrup over there at the old sour toe cocktail up there in Dawson City, eh?
	Oh, darn.
	I sure did, Bob.
	Got myself in a real moose knuckle indeed.
	Yeah, so, uh, what happened over there, Bob, at the old sour toe cocktail?
	Well, as you know, Bob, there's an actual human toe inside the old whiskey there.
	And, uh, as you know, if you accidentally swallow the toe there, uh, well, you gotta pay a fine of 3,336 loonies, or 1,668 toonies, if you have a few of those laying around.
	You know what I mean?
	I just wish I had one Clooney.
	I'm sure that'd do the trick.
	Well, that's an incredible story, Bob.
	I hear that if someone does accidentally swallow that toe there, there's always someone to offer a fresh one to put back in there, eh?
	Oh, there sure is, Bob.
	They couldn't be happier to make Canada proud.
	But I gotta say...
	I accidentally swallowed the toe twice.
	Well, I'm not sure if it was an accident at that point, Bob.
	And I suggest you stay away from that third bar, Bob.
	Oh, I'm way ahead of you there, buddy.
	The wife tells me we may have to stay with her sister over there in Dildo, Newfoundland for a few months.
	Oh, Dildo.
	Yeah, sure, Bob.
	Dildo is pretty nice, I hear, this time of year.
	I hear it's quite accommodating.
	Although, I'm told it doesn't have the best scent in all of the Queen's land.
	Well, Bob, despite the smell, the Queen loved her dildo and still does in her grave.
	That's really fantastic, Bob.
	But I hear you can be jailed for up to two years for smelling bad in Canada, eh?
	Well, that's a fact there, Bob.
	And you can also be ticketed for being too nice.
	Well, that's what they say, Bob.
	You know, they also say it's illegal to create and sell crime comic books.
	At a challenge, invite or accept a challenge to a duel.
	And you can't take sled dogs on the sidewalks, which is the biggest inconvenience in my life.
	And you can't own a pet rat.
	They like to keep them in the wild, don't you know?
	Down there in the sewers.
	And don't even think about painting your wooden ladder.
	The queen would roll over in her grave on that one.
	And don't swear in any public park in Toronto.
	But once you're out of the vicinity of said public park, you can Lenny Bruce it all the way to Tim Hortons down there at the end of the street and get yourself some Timbits.
	If you want to climb trees in Oshawa, near Lake Ontario, Don't even think about it, Bob, or you'll find yourself holding a one-way ticket to see the crown over there at the courthouse, which would interfere with watching hockey and finishing off 2-4.
	You know what I mean, Bob?
	Oh, I certainly do, Bob.
	And don't pretend to practice witchcraft, because no Canadian pretends to do anything.
	Canadians aren't pretenders.
	They are doers.
	So it seems that all your favorite things to do are banned there in Canada.
	Kanada, as we know, is the old Huron-Iroquois word that means village or settlement there, Bob.
	End scene, Bob.
	Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't noticed, we are talking about Canada, that vast area just north of the United States, an area that not a whole lot is known about.
	In fact, the Canadians are said to be one of the last uncontacted tribes of the world, very similar to the isolated tribes of the Amazon or the much-feared Sentinelese of India.
	More is known about the Bigfoot than the elusive Canadian.
	And I do believe I read somewhere on Quora that Canadians are an endangered species.
	By the way, have you seen the new Bigfoot stating app they just released?
	It's called Timber.
	Yeah, I think that's their gay app.
	And it's said that any outsider who reaches the Canadian shoreline, which is actually the longest shoreline in the world, they are as good as dead.
	Many a man and woman who have journeyed into the uncharted territories of Kanata have never been seen or heard from again.
	Legend has it.
	The legend of old Timmy Horton, right?
	The legend says that any human who travels into the belly of the beast will likely never return.
	Yeah, and I think that's because they just end up staying there because it's much nicer than where they're from.
	Could be.
	Well, that nicer place you mentioned is, in fact, a strange land and is exactly where we will be running headfirst while bent at the waist.
	So grab your knapsacks and put on your toques.
	Because we are going on an adventure into a remote wilderness that is literally one of the last places on Earth that has never been adequately explored.
	But Scott, before we go any further, I was told you have something for us.
	Running at first bent at the waist.
	That's fucking funny, bro.
	Oh, man.
	Well, yes, sir, Coop.
	It's time once again for everybody's favorite segment within a segment, 3 for 3. Got three kind of weird updates for you guys.
	I'm just going to kind of read through them headline style and we'll discuss a little bit.
	This headline comes to us from AP News.
	On January 27, 2023, a man was crushed to death under an outdoor hydraulic urinal in London.
	What do you think?
	I think that is fucking horrible, man.
	I mean, one, it's pretty shitty to die.
	That's true, Coop.
	That this man died by being crushed by a – they come out of the ground, right?
	Right. They come up out of the ground in the evenings for people to urinate as a way to discourage people from urinating in the streets.
	And this man apparently was working on one of these things, and it went back down into the ground and crushed him.
	That is correct.
	The article says that firefighters used a winch to free the man after he became trapped under the hydraulic urinal at Cambridge Circus, a busy intersection in the city's west end.
	But the Metro Police said that the injuries he sustained, crush injuries specifically, while working on the telescopic urinal, in the end killed him.
	He was pronounced dead at the scene.
	His identity was not released.
	Horrible. Yeah, that's a tough way to go.
	I definitely would probably rather be mugged than crushed.
	I'm just gonna go on record and say that right now.
	Crushed by a fucking urinal.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	That's a tough one.
	Speaking of records and crushing, a dolphin skull, yes sir, was found in someone's luggage in Detroit.
	This article comes to us from NPROPB Weird News by Ayana Archie, but apparently U.S. Customs and Border Protection Found the skull of a young dolphin and a piece of luggage last week in the airport.
	Well, someone really liked dolphins.
	I feel like it's a biologist or something, and they're like, oh yeah, I picked this dolphin skull up in Florida, laying on the beach, and they just wanted to bring it home to make an ashtray out of it.
	Yeah, make it, yeah, right.
	I thought it looked really nice in my front room.
	Yeah, they said a skull-like shape was detected.
	Agents with the CPB and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service identified it as a dolphin skull.
	Damn. They went on to say that they take wildlife smuggling very seriously.
	and work very closely with federal partners at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Services to protect said wildlife and their habitat.
	Well, the dolphin's dead.
	It was a skull.
	And the dude, or whoever had it, was just transporting a skull.
	You know, I think it's something similar to, you know, you can't have, like, an eagle feather, right?
	You know, like certain protected things, you just can't have any part of it at any stage.
	You know, you'd think a feather wouldn't be a big deal, but it's a federal crime to steal a bald eagle feathers.
	Right. So if there's a bald eagle feather on the ground and you're like, oh, sweet, a feather, like, would you be arrested if you picked that thing up?
	at the very least be fined if you picked it up.
	Yeah, they don't mess around with that kind of thing.
	Speaking of messing around with that kind of thing, this article comes to us again from Ayanna Archie at NPRPB Weird News.
	English police say that they've
	foiled an extravagant plot to steal Cadbury chocolates.
	Oh. Yes, a local British police department says that a man was arrested after stealing a semi-truck that contained 200,000 Cadbury cream
	Wow. Wait, so he stole the truck?
	Yes, he stole the full truck.
	200,000 Cadbury cream eggs.
	Hopped in.
	Wow. Stole it.
	He's 32 years old.
	His name was Joby Pool.
	Jobby? Joby?
	And he was stopped on the highway in Telford, a town in central England, and used...
	He had used a metal grinder to break through a gate and into the truck.
	He's probably, I don't know, I'm like, did he know the eggs were in there?
	He must have.
	He must have, right?
	And he must have had a buyer, too.
	He must have had it all set up.
	Someone said, oh, he got 200,000 Cadbury eggs.
	Yeah, I buy those at 50 cents a piece.
	And the guy's like, all right, I'll go steal this truck.
	You know, they're going on to say that in all, the seized chocolate is thought to be worth 40,000 British pounds.
	Wow. That's a lot.
	Yeah. That's slightly more than $48,000 US.
	So it was quite a bit of chocolate.
	Now, since these chocolates were part of the crime, do you think they will still sell them?
	Or will they be kept as evidence?
	You know, knowing what I feel like I know about how law enforcement works, I think they're going to seize the chocolate.
	Yeah, yep.
	And yeah, it's going into the quote-unquote evidence locker.
	Which is everybody's stomach there in the precinct, for sure.
	Yeah, we're just gonna have to seize all these chocolates.
	We're sorry, you're at about a $48,000 debt with these chocolates, sorry.
	There's evidence, we gotta check each one.
	We can maybe give you back a case or two, but this case is ongoing, so...
	You know, it makes you wonder though, like on a real note, if...
	A food item such as that is stolen and then recovered.
	Can you, in good faith, release it to the public?
	Right. That's what I'm wondering.
	If the seals aren't tampered with, I don't know if you're allowed.
	Because what if something happened on the way and you just don't know?
	I don't know.
	You just don't know.
	He could have been back there with a needle injecting each one with something.
	You never know.
	You never know.
	I bet they don't get returned.
	I bet they...
	It's a loss.
	And that is the end of my 3 for 3. Thanks for tuning in, guys.
	Make sure to stop by next time for some more weird updates.
	Alright, thanks, Scott.
	And now, let us begin the arduous trek way up to the Great White North.
	Our location is about 100 miles north of British Columbia, a little less than 50 miles east of the Yukon boundary.
	And approximately 310 miles west of Yellowknife, the capital, the largest community in the Northwest Territories and the only city.
	Our destination is virtually devoid of human habitation other than the various small local tribes that live many miles apart and the roughly 1,500 people who have the resources to hire guides to travel to this UNESCO World Heritage Site each year.
	There are said to be six known tribes currently living in the area.
	There were others, but they have long since left.
	The peoples of these six tribes have something in common.
	They all avoid the area of land where we will be pitching our tents and calling home for the night or for the next couple weeks.
	You know, there are 30 national parks in Canada, and Banff was the first to be made into a national park back in 1885.
	Which is also the same year John Lee survived three execution attempts.
	That's right, he was sentenced to hang for a murder that he most likely did not commit.
	But the hanging was unsuccessful each time owing to misalignment issues with the trap door.
	The medical examiner on duty refused to proceed, so they called it a day.
	Later, his sentence was commuted to life in prison.
	It's also the year...
	Jumbo, the giant elephant owned by P.T. Barnum, was killed in a train crash.
	Always in a better place now.
	And the man who invented pasteurization, Louis Pasteur, also gave the first rabies vaccine to a young boy bitten by an infected dog, Joseph Meister, and it saved the boy's life.
	Until he died.
	Well, those are some fantastic facts.
	Keep them coming.
	The Northwest Territories cover an area over four times the size of Germany.
	And while Germany has about 85 million people living there, the Northwest Territories have around 50,000 people at any given time throughout the year.
	But where we are going is called the Nahanni National Park, or the Nahanni Valley, or the Valley of Headless Men.
	This area has one of the most diverse and mystifying landscapes that has ever been found.
	Fun fact, Nahanni National Park is about 30,000 square kilometers, or about 11,600 square miles.
	A bit larger than Israel and Albania.
	And Banff National Park is roughly 810 miles to the south of the province of Alberta and is 6,641 square kilometers, or about 2,560 square miles in size.
	Much smaller.
	So while Nahanni National Park sees no more than 1,500 visitors each year, Banff receives about 4 million visitors each year.
	So why is there such a massive discrepancy in park visitors?
	Because to get to Nahanni National Park Reserve, one must either hike in, use the river system with a small water vessel, or hire a pilot, or all three.
	There's no public access road at all.
	The shortest trip duration for visitors is at least one week because it takes so much effort and time to get to any location and then float out as you leave.
	These trips range from one week to three weeks on average.
	Another fun fact, in the 1960s, an ice cave was being explored, which sits about 60 miles upstream from Nahanni Butte.
	They had mapped about one and a half miles and came upon a larger room called a gallery inside the glacier.
	And inside this room.
	they found around 100 skeletons of doll sheep, rams, ewes, and lambs.
	They determined them to have died about 2,000 years ago and had gone into these ice caves to escape the harsh weather.
	And once they were in there, an avalanche had trapped them inside, at which point they became suspicious of one another.
	They took sides.
	They bullied the fat one who wore glasses.
	Then they would eventually kill him.
	Hey, you know, that's a great premise for a movie.
	Lord of the Lambs?
	I would say that it's a safe bet that the queue to that movie would be massive, eh?
	Better have a good set of runners on for that long wait, eh?
	Hey, did you know that Canada has six time zones?
	So you may be wondering just why this large, uninhabited chunk of land is called the Valley of Headless Men, or Headless Valley as most call it, eh?
	Well, there is a very good reason for its name.
	But before I get into the grisly details of why this territory has been given such a frightful name, I think we should discuss the topography of the reserve just a little bit, just to give the listener a mental image of the landscape.
	So the main entryway, and essentially a visitor attraction all its own, is the South Nahanni River, which comes down from what is called the Ragged Range.
	It's a range of mountains with spectacular granite peaks and connects to the Selwyn and Mackenzie Mountains.
	The South Nahanni flows the entire length of the park and only ends where it meets the Laird River, near another area called Nahanni Butte, which is 350 miles downstream.
	People generally do not float the South Nahanni.
	Anywhere upstream from the magnificently stunning area called Virginia Falls, and it's said that only a handful of men have ever done so.
	Virginia Falls is a very intense and powerful waterfall that drops roughly 315 feet, or about twice the height of the well-known Niagara Falls, which is also the set of a 1995 satire, Canadian Bacon, which was directed by Michael Moore,
	and I did not realize that until I wrote this.
	Canadian Bacon, of course, is a hilarious movie starring the late John Candy.
	I do have to fine you.
	That will be $1,000 Canadian, or $10 American dollars if you prefer.
	In the middle of Virginia Falls is a massive pillar of rock named Mason's Rock, named after the late Bill Mason, a famous canoeist and naturalist.
	But the falls are actually on both sides of the pillar.
	It's quite dramatic, and this is the most visited attraction, because it's the easiest to get to.
	The South Nahanni River itself is very treacherous.
	It winds and meanders and cuts off to many smaller tributaries and rivers that will lead you nowhere you want to end up.
	And there are many log jams built up in the cold swift currents which are always carrying more debris to pile up.
	And if you're in a canoe or any water vessel and you get caught up in a log jam, your vessel is pretty much finished unless you can manage to pull it out in time.
	And as men who have done the journey would later say that if you do get caught up in a log jam out there and your vessel is destroyed, you're pretty much as good as dead.
	You're also traveling upstream, so as long as you are in the water, you are dealing with a current the entire time.
	It should be understood that the river is extremely difficult to navigate due to its very unique nature.
	Also, should you choose to take the river upstream, you should be privy to the fact that you cannot stay in the river the entire way.
	There are parts of the river that you absolutely have to exit and pack your supplies and boats through the forest following the river, and then once able to do so again, you can repack your boats, re-enter the river, and continue upstream.
	There are many such parts.
	And this is due to shallow waters, cascading waterfalls, log jams, and other obstructions preventing you from following your course.
	The South Nahanni has its earliest documented exploration by eager, gold-seeking prospectors in the late 1890s.
	And over the years, different parties of men, and sometimes women, would explore further upstream.
	And these newly explored areas would be given different names.
	There are four main canyons that the river winds through, and each was given a name upon its discovery.
	Yes, very creative names.
	I see that they could count.
	The Fourth Canyon, which is actually the first canyon that you approach as you head downstream from Virginia Falls, is also called Painted Canyon, or Five Mile Canyon, as that is the basic length of the canyon.
	The next one is...
	Let me guess.
	Third Canyon?
	Now let me just say, wow.
	The next one is Third Canyon, and flows through an area of mountains called Funeral Range, and is about 25 miles long.
	The banks on either side are somewhat steep, but longer than steep, and are made up of millions of years of shale buildup from crumbling sandstone and limestone uphill.
	Then the river comes to a point called Big Bend, where it takes a 45-degree turn and becomes the Second Canyon.
	And this is pretty much where the story starts to get a bit spooky and weird.
	Oh yeah, buddy, I am stoked!
	Second Canyon is just over 9 miles long and flows through the Headless Range.
	It is also the most talked about canyon.
	Yes. The ladies gossip all day at the dry cleaners about second canyon.
	It's all they talk about.
	Good God.
	If you go through this canyon, you really have no option but to float in the water until you get through the entire length of it as both sides of the river are sheer cliff, up to 3,000 feet straight up, and they say about the same going down into the icy cold depths below.
	As you float through this eerily quiet stretch, Of which there is literally nothing you can do except let the current take you.
	The setting becomes more uncanny when you notice the dozens upon dozens of cave openings all over the face of the cliff walls.
	These cave systems have never been legitimately explored to this day.
	People have entered the lower cave openings, but have only been able to go so far in due to lack of proper supplies.
	There is no way to enter the higher caves unless you hike over land for many, many, many miles.
	Extremely difficult terrain in order to reach the canyon cliffs themselves, and then you'd have to repel down to the cave openings, or if you could somehow make an anchor point in the canyon on the river for your boat, and then climb up the sheer cliff base 2,000 or 3,000 feet to reach some of these openings.
	But as you're floating through this canyon, it's difficult not to have the feeling that someone or something is watching you from above.
	Just imagine being those first prospectors or whoever made it there first.
	Man, that would have been so terrifying.
	But that gold, man.
	Anything for the gold.
	I'll die for that gold.
	I'll give my life to get that gold.
	Once you make it out of Second Canyon safely and are able to continue on, it is at that point that you have then entered the dreaded Dead Man Valley.
	And a little bit after that, you reach First Canyon.
	First Canyon spans about 19 miles long.
	Not many had done the same journey going upstream before the outboard motor was invented, and even now, this isn't something that people generally do because people just don't want to go through all of that unnecessary effort when they can just fly into their destination, Virginia Falls, and then float downstream through the Four Canyons and reach Nahanni Butte.
	But there have been some that have chosen to take the route as the original prospectors did.
	Two of these people were Mel and Ethel Ross, a married couple who loved to travel and document the journeys on film.
	In 1957, the couple took a simple aluminum canoe and attached a 10-horsepower outboard motor to it.
	They then gathered their essential items such as a canvas tent, their trusty camera, and just enough gas to make it to Virginia Falls, where they would explore a little bit and then let the current bring them home.
	The trip took them two months to complete, just the two of them, with literally the bare minimum.
	And that's a really good documentary.
	I highly suggest it.
	And Mel's voice is just the most awesome old man voice you'd ever hear.
	So now that we have an idea of what this river looks like, let me just say that the reserve has pretty much every type of ecosystem within its boundaries.
	Snow-peaked mountains, the rolling taiga plains with its peat plateaus, its thermokarst lakes, and its sprawling permafrost.
	And thermocast lakes are formed when permafrost melts on the land's surface, and then they create these small depressions that fill with water.
	And there are rocky canyons much like the United States Grand Canyon.
	There are landscapes resembling New Zealand and mountain ranges that remind you of the Himalayas just on a smaller scale.
	And there are waterfalls that compete with some of Africa's best.
	And I mentioned cave systems, and they are everywhere, but there is a vast subterranean cave system which has caused massive sinkholes such as the bare rock sinkhole.
	according to legend, the
	Thank you.
	You're welcome.
	Now, I heard that the giant beavers were indeed...
	Giant. And beavers.
	Which existed about 10,000 years ago.
	And back just a few more years to about 1.1 million years ago.
	We actually have skeletons of these things.
	They were 7 feet tall.
	220 pounds.
	Huge ass beavers with teeth that never stop growing.
	Imagine a banana.
	And you have an idea of what these teeth of these beavers looked like.
	And they were kind of yellow, a little bit like, say, Hillary Clinton, or Miley Cyrus, or Drew Barrymore's.
	But can you imagine one of these things?
	I mean, we hear about bear attacks, like, alarmingly often all the time, but imagine this.
	Imagine that you're sleeping in your tent at night, and all of a sudden, these huge banana teeth clamp down onto your leg and drag you off into the darkness, only to just...
	That would be absolutely horrifying to wake up to Hillary Clinton or Miley Cyrus or Drew Barrymore biting onto my leg on all fours and then dragging me into the woods.
	That would be the worst.
	That is probably one of the scariest things I can imagine.
	And every time we bring up a bear, it's impossible for me not to think about that movie Annihilation with that fucked up bear scene where it's saying, help me, or whatever the fuck it's saying.
	And apparently, it is saying help me.
	Right. Is that fucked up?
	Well, I don't know what is more frightening.
	That scene or the scene I had in my head a moment ago with Hillary Clinton dragging me into her lair by her mouth.
	Oh, man.
	I can only imagine what's in Hillary Clinton's lair.
	Actually, that's where she keeps all the bodies.
	And what bodies are you referring to?
	The body count, man.
	The body count.
	Yes, I should have known.
	Yeah. The Clinton body count.
	Very popular topic.
	Very convincing as well.
	Yeah, man.
	Linda Thompson wrote, The Clinton body count.
	Coincidence or the kiss of death?
	There are dozens of dead people directly linked to the Clintons.
	Everybody knows that.
	Victor Razor.
	Mary Mahoney.
	Seth Rich.
	Christopher Singh.
	John of Elmoyce.
	Vince Foster.
	And you might recognize this next one.
	Jeffrey Epstein.
	Holy cow!
	Well, I must say, wow, that is incredible stuff.
	You know, I always wondered where Hillary Clinton was keeping all those dead bodies.
	And well, now I know.
	And I kind of wish you never told me that.
	Well, where else would they be?
	Have you seen them?
	I haven't seen them.
	Nope, can't say I've seen them.
	Therefore, this fellow is convinced that they're stored in Hillary Clinton's forest cave next to her failed bumper stickers and G-rated guilty pleasures.
	Oh, heck yeah.
	Reading romantic picture books while being fed melted chocolates by Bill in a gimp suit.
	That's one of them new Disney cartoon movies.
	I think it's called Gulp Friction.
	Oh, you don't say.
	I reckon I saw that in Reader's Digest the other day.
	So in and around the Nahanni Valley, there is volcanic activity that has left a number of warm springs and geysers.
	And in fact, this is where Canada's largest tufa mound is located.
	It's not a tufa.
	Sorry. What is a tufa mound, the inquisitive might ask.
	I had to ask too.
	A tufa mound is a mound made of a variety of limestone minerals that are expelled out of geothermic geysers or springs that are in water.
	And the carbonate minerals build up around the geyser or the spring, and over time this becomes either a large mound or many small mounds and even spires.
	There's also an area that is strikingly similar to tropical and subtropical forests, much like areas of the Amazon or Hawaii or the Philippines or any number of tropical climates.
	This area is called the Krause Hot Springs and sits about 40 miles upriver from Nahanni Butte.
	The area is named for a couple Mary and Gus Krause,
	lived at the Springs for 31 years, just the two of them.
	Mary was actually a native Dene woman, and the two married and became homesteaders, lived fully off the land from 1940 until 1971.
	And apparently, in order to get to the Springs,
	That is also when a man masturbates to the point of self-harm.
	Not necessarily on purpose, but much like gulp friction.
	Too much friction over time will cause little tears on the penis.
	Nothing life-threatening, usually.
	You just need to take care of him.
	Put ointment on him, soothe him, tuck him in at night, read him a little bedtime story.
	But that is literally called The Splits.
	You know, I was thinking something more like a gymnast doing The Splits and accidentally shitting themselves, but I think that would be more like The Schlitz.
	Yes, I would pay to see that.
	The Splits.
	Is a deadly network of small islands and a whole bunch of log jams which are said to have taken many lives of brave canoeists over the years.
	But those lucky enough to make it through the splits will find themselves in a real-life secret utopia on Earth, an Eden, a Shangri-La in Canada.
	Not to be confused with Shambhala, the pagan ritualistic music festival over there in the Salmo River Campground over there in British Columbia.
	Where they do all those alcohols and marijuanas and those acids.
	Oh, those acids don't sound too good to be putting in your body now, eh?
	Now, why would they be doing that sort of thing?
	That sounds kind of crazy to me, eh?
	That sounds kind of crazy.
	Does that sound crazy to you, Bob?
	Now, I've never met any person on this queen's green earth who'd ever think it'd be a good idea to be putting these acids in their bodies.
	Sounds a bit corrosive, eh?
	You got me, Bob.
	The climate here in Krause Hot Springs remains tropical all year round and provides for a diverse jungle-like canopy.
	Cryptozoologists say that if there is a surviving dinosaur walking amongst us on this queen's green earth, it would be living there.
	So how did this whole story even begin anyway?
	Well, back in 1897, word had gotten out that the precious, precious, malleable gold had been struck up there in that Klondike, up there in them hills.
	Wide-eyed men immediately, but gently, grabbed their shovels and their sluices, violently tossed their wives and children into the back of the wagon, and headed blindly into the Klondike.
	Yes. No gyrocator, no guide star, no street pilot, no Google Maps.
	They literally followed the scent of Timbits and a double-double.
	And did you know, Canadians store, transport, and sell their milk and bags?
	There were a few different trails that one could take depending on where they were coming from.
	One of these trails was an all-Canadian overland trip starting in Edmonton, Alberta.
	Also the home of Tommy Chong from the classic stoner duo Cheech and Chong.
	Also home to Randy Furby.
	Oh yeah, four-time world champion curler and six-time Canadian champion and true Canadian hero.
	Canadians are going to love this episode.
	Oh, they're going to be like those pieces of shit.
	This all-Canadian trip would be 1,150 miles as the crow flies by wagon or horse.
	This, of course, is much less than the average 2,000 miles that the miners would brave from California and the northern plains.
	And it is nothing compared to the trip that thousands of people were making from the east coast of the United States.
	We know these people as the 49ers.
	They also faked a headset technical problem, so to be fair, the other team turned their headsets off, giving Bill Walsh and his constituents an unfair advantage.
	Well, isn't that just a mind-boggling statement?
	Thank you, Bob.
	They would often sail around Cape Horn, the southernmost tip of South America, and up to San Francisco, a trip you would expect to take about six months, and you would cover about 8,000 miles one way.
	766 people, or Stampeders as they are called now, were headed off to the Klondike departing from Edmonton, but a small few had elected to take an even more hazardous trip by taking the South Nahanni River, or the River of Giants.
	Out of the handful of people that decided they'd take the more dangerous route, only two would make it to their destination, while all of the others would disappear within the enveloping thick, heavy mist.
	And of course, there is a ton of wildlife of all types.
	All the usual bears, wolves, caribou, bison, moose, wolverine, lynx, and a vast array of many others, including squirrels.
	Now, you may be asking yourself, well, why doesn't anyone live there if the land is so diverse and the wildlife is so plentiful, right?
	It sounds like a great place to live, especially at the Krause Hot Springs.
	You have everything you need to live.
	Not only live, but thrive.
	Well, there was a time when people had actually lived within the Nahanni National Park's boundaries.
	In fact, humans began living in that area about 10,000 years ago, or right around the tail end of the last Ice Age.
	That time period is essentially when people are thought to have started inhabiting the Nahanni Valley.
	10,000 years ago is also when humans, or Homo sapiens, transitioned out of the Pleistocene Age and began farming, raising livestock, developing more effective weaponry such as the bow and arrow and harpoons, and perfecting canoes.
	The Dene are an indigenous people of First Nations.
	Meaning they are the descendants of the original progenitor of the indigenous.
	They have inhabited the northern boreal and arctic regions for thousands of years and came from an area known as Danende, meaning the creator's spirit flows through this land or land of the people.
	They belong to the Athapascan people and speak a specific language belonging to that specific family lineage.
	Interestingly, both the Apache and the Navajo languages belong to that same family.
	And it is said that both tribes migrated south from Canada.
	And the Navajo called themselves Dine, spelled D-I-N-E, and pronounced Dene, and it means the people.
	And the Dene have a meaning for their own name, that being people.
	You know, that is really cool, just to see how these people migrated.
	But you have these separate tribes that are totally separate from one another, and they all came from the same tribe or family.
	And at different times throughout history, the Apache and Navajo either hated each other and often battled, or they tolerated each other and traded well.
	Actually, pretty cool little fact here, both tribes helped the Pueblo Indians in the revolt against the Spanish in 1680.
	But anthropologically, they each have slightly different origin stories, but still very similar.
	And did you know that Chesterfield is a Canadian word for a chair?
	Or a couch type of apparatus.
	Oh, now, buddy, hold on just a moment there.
	You gotta be careful not to give away too many of the queen secrets now.
	The Dene moved into the Nahanni Valley around 10,000 years ago, and there is evidence of human habitation which was found at Yohin Lake near where Nahanni Butte is, which dates to that time period.
	All I could find on that was that artifacts were found, probably remnants of clay jars or some primitive tools, possibly arrowheads.
	Legend goes...
	Legend Tim Horton, thank you very much, sir.
	Legend Tim Horton says that the Dene had become established in the area, but were being constantly harassed and attacked by another local tribe who were mysterious and said to live up in the mountains and would only come down to attack the lowland tribal settlements, only to retreat back up to their mountain dwellings.
	These people were called the Naha and they had apparently been living in that region for quite some time before the Dene had arrived.
	to the Dene, the Naha were very aggressive and would attack unprovoked and without warning.
	This got to the point where a group of ferocious Dene warriors had finally taken enough and
	and traveled to the Nahanni settlement in the mountains to attack them.
	journey to get there was not easy as it went through Horseshoe Canyon and up through Prairie Creek, a very secluded location and very difficult to reach.
	Oh yeah.
	Once nightfall had set in, they made their move.
	They flanked all sides of the Naha encampment and waited.
	When the time was right, they stormed the camp all at once and came upon many teepees, campfires, and everything else that you would expect to be in such a camp.
	Beds were made, pots were boiling, and things were set about as if all was a normal night.
	But there were no people to be found.
	Everyone was gone.
	The Denny looked everywhere, but there were no signs that the Naha had even fled the area.
	Now, the Denny had heard of tales of evil spirits, monstrous creatures, giants that would tear you into little pieces and eat you without hesitation.
	So upon seeing that these fierce and aggressive warriors and enemies of theirs had all but vanished without a trace as it plucked right out of existence, the Denny allowed for no further hesitation and quickly turned to flee from the cursed mountains.
	And after that night, there was never a sign of the Naha peoples, ever again.
	But wait, what was that?
	Evil spirits?
	Monsters? Creatures?
	Cannibalistic giants?
	Well yes, you see.
	Traditional tales have been handed down by the oldest surviving peoples of the lands, those being the Dene themselves.
	And like all traditional tales told and passed down through the generations, the tales told by the Dene are intriguing and keep you wondering.
	There are also stories told by the prospectors and mountain men of the time who were said to have bore witness to the creatures of the night that the Dene considered to be as real as you and I, and who have survived to tell of them.
	Poole Field wrote a letter to John.
	Wait, hold up.
	Poole Field?
	Poole Field?
	What the hell kind of name is that?
	There's always some weird random name in these episodes, it seems.
	I know, man.
	I don't know how that happens.
	But I had to do a little digging into this name, and I found the following statistics from MyNameStats.com.
	And this is only in the U.S., by the way.
	So the name Pool is ranked as the 18,024th most popular name.
	It's usually a last name.
	And apparently, based on 100 years of data, the Social Security Administration has exactly...
	Guess how many people are named Pool, according to this.
	I'm going to say...
	The last hundred years.
	The last hundred years.
	Fifty. The correct answer is zero.
	That name is not popular.
	I guess not.
	Anyway, Poole Field wrote a letter to John Jack Moran back in 1913 and said this.
	They have tails of enormous animals such as the mammoth.
	And spiders as large as a full-size grizzly bear!
	And longworms!
	They're supposed to be alive today!
	And nobody can save them from these animals, but they're doctors.
	Some of the Indians will tell you that they've even seen these animals.
	By the way, you interested in any beaver pelts?
	No? What about squirrel?
	I have three and a half squirrel left.
	Uh, no?
	Oh, okay.
	But I can get you the finest rabbit feet for luck.
	You can attach your keychain and take it everywhere you go.
	I mean, just think about it.
	Luck! Anywhere you go!
	What? No?
	But they're a really fantastic huge seller!
	I could put two on backorder for you.
	I'll just add it to your bill.
	I keep it with me at all times.
	Check this out.
	During the Great Gold Rush times, there were many frontiersmen returning home with a set of ivory tusks that they found while up in the Northwest Territories.
	Apparently these things were just laying around, left over from the Ice Age.
	And Philip H. Godsell wrote a book published in 1950 called The Curse of Dead Man's Valley.
	In that book, Philip wrote about mysterious men-like creatures who lived in the cave systems throughout the vast forests.
	He wrote...
	Oh, uh, Wayne Dale.
	What? What's that, Wayne?
	Can I read?
	Can I read?
	Oh, you want to read this part?
	Yeah. Alright, sure, yeah.
	Go ahead.
	Pre-historic troglodytes.
	No, no, Wayne.
	Stop. Wayne, what are you doing?
	What? I'm reading here, man.
	Yeah, I get that, but you need to start at the beginning of the paragraph, Wayne, not at a random spot within the paragraph.
	Yeah, Wayne.
	Come on, step it up.
	Man, don't interrupt me, man, when I'm trying to read.
	From the beginning, man.
	Come on, man.
	Okay, buddy.
	Yeah, Wayne.
	From the beginning.
	Step it up!
	That he had nowhere seen the slightest Indian sign bore out of the red-skinned reports that the county was taboo and recalled their superstitions, that it was haunted by a race of prehistoric troglodytes, or Naconis as they called them,
	with repulsive gargoyle-like faces who lived in caves cut from the living rock.
	Creatures reported to be twice the size of ordinary humans who never missed a chance to carry off unwary hunters or stray squash in their powerful gorilla-like arms.
	All right.
	Fabulous. Thank you, Wayne.
	Thank you.
	Thank you very much.
	I'm having a tough time with that one.
	And according to Alan Adam, a Dene language expert, the word Na'adi is an old native word for the Nahanni River and means rivers of giants.
	The Dene often lived in fear of what was lingering out in the forest all around them.
	Especially at night when the howl of ghosts and spirits could be heard.
	It's said that they were absolutely terrified of the creatures that stayed in the shadows and would torment them endlessly.
	The Dene would try to avoid crossing their paths at all costs.
	A certain Father Emil Petitotti, a missionary of the 19th century Oblat missionary, He lived among the Dene back in the mid to late 1800s and wrote his opinion about a certain behavior of the Dene that he had noticed.
	He wrote, They live at times in continual terror of an imaginary enemy who pursues them without rest and who they believe to see everywhere even though he doesn't exist at all.
	Ah, shit.
	What's up, Wayne?
	Uh, can I read again?
	Nah, buddy.
	It's all good, man.
	Why don't you just go hang out in the green room with Tyler Perry, Carlos Mencia, Kathy Griffin.
	Fuck. Those guys are still in there?
	Fuck, that's gotta be boring.
	Yeah, go on.
	Have fun with that.
	Later, Wayne.
	Have fun, buddy.
	A trader by the name of John Firth, working with the Hudson Bay Company, said that the entire encampments of Dene would stand and fire their muskets into the surrounding forest to deter these beasts from entering their camp.
	The Dene gave these beasts a name.
	They referred to them as the Nakani.
	In his 1924 book, The Arctic Forests, English adventurer Michael H. Mason describes the elusive Nakani as The
	Nakani are regarded as being somewhat human in appearance, but they are much larger, and they are cannibals.
	The footprint is said to be twice the size of a man's in overall size, but is much longer and narrower.
	Then there is an evil spirit that hides amongst the dark forests.
	And is said to be much like the Wendigo, which is more of an Algonquin people's legend in eastern Canada in the Great Lakes region.
	The Wendigo is said to kill and eat their victims.
	And according to legend...
	According to legend Tim Horton...
	Thank you.
	You're welcome.
	People who have an insatiable degree of greed will turn into a Wendigo, whose equally insatiable desire to eat human flesh is the only thing it seeks out to do.
	The evil spirit can also be somewhat comparable to skinwalkers in the Utah area of the United States, and is a Navajo legend, which, if you recall, the Navajo came from the same ancestors as the Dene.
	And I think that is pretty fascinating.
	This whole story is fascinating.
	Oh, you know it's true, you fucking osier.
	Skinwalkers, of course, are known as tricksters or witches, and can be either male or female, and are able to transform into many other creatures, usually associated with bad omens or death.
	They usually come in the form of coyotes, but can become any animal they wish as it serves their purpose.
	But skinwalkers aren't necessarily a supernatural being, like a poltergeist or some other ethereal ectoplasmic entity.
	They are regular people like you and I, but have been medicine men and have reached a certain stage of initiation.
	But it's only for the wickedest of people with nothing but ill intent.
	It is said that if one wants to become a skinwalker, you definitely need to have had practiced magic and have a master knowledge of the concepts and of the rituals.
	After having reached that certain level of mastery of magical practices, they need to be initiated by a secret society.
	Whoa, that sounds pretty sweet, bro.
	In order to be initiated, one must kill a close family member, usually a sibling.
	Yeah, man.
	Did you hear that part about evil witchcraft?
	This shit is no bueno mi amiga.
	After that, it is said that they will gain the supernatural powers to transform into animals.
	Skinwalkers can read minds, control others' thoughts and behavior, they can cause illness and even death.
	And they enjoy destroying property, because you know, why not?
	They can also take over your body by simply making eye contact with you, thereby having full control while you were there, inside, but you can't do or say anything.
	Oh yeah, like that movie Get Out?
	Pretty good.
	Exactly. Pretty fun.
	And while I was researching Southwest native legends, I came upon something that there is so very little information on, and it is such a big deal.
	It is called the Navajo Witch Purge.
	Have you heard about this?
	No, I've actually never heard anything about that at all.
	Me neither, man.
	So in 1878, in the Southwest United States in the Navajo Nation, there were 40 Navajo suspected of being witches by other Navajo.
	And the tribe decided that they needed to be purged in order to restore harmony and balance within the tribe.
	And I couldn't find much on it, but I'm definitely going to look more into it and see if we can get enough info to do an episode.
	Because I would really like to do an episode on that.
	Boy, I actually have no idea on that one.
	And there are the Wahila.
	The Wahila are wolf-like creatures that are also very similar to the myths of a large wolf-like beast of the Inuit tribes.
	It is thought to be the distant relative of the Amisian, not sure if I'm pronouncing that right, the ancient bear dog that was supposed to have gone extinct sometime about 8 million years ago.
	Witnesses of the Wahila say that it closely resembles the dire wolf, a prehistoric relative we know as the timber wolf.
	Also, what they call the hairy bear daddies on the gay Bigfoot dating app Timber.
	Make sure to check that out.
	I'm going to check that out after this show.
	I know you will.
	In the summer of 1965, Frank Graves, who had surveyed the area, took a native friend of his up to the Krause Hot Springs.
	He had heard of all the tales of wild men who roamed the forests, and he wanted to find them.
	During the trek, Graves spotted strange footprints and determined them to be a hominid of some kind, but couldn't exactly say what had made them.
	Going further on, Graves said that an enormous white thing wandered out from the trees, and at first he thought it was a polar bear who strayed a bit south.
	But then he noticed that it wasn't exactly a bear.
	It looked more like a massive dog.
	He said that he had seen plenty of wolves and knew that some of them in that region can get fairly large, but this animal was much larger than any wolf he had ever seen.
	Graves said that it was 20 times the size of any wolf that he had ever heard of.
	Perhaps, luckily for the two men, the animal didn't seem interested in them and simply walked back into the forest.
	But not before Graves shot at it with a shotgun, because why wouldn't you?
	He said he fired his gun twice.
	At a pure reflex from being so startled at the sight of the beast.
	Graves said that the animal didn't react at all.
	It just continued to walk into the forest.
	But before he could get too far out of his sight, Graves said he reloaded the shotgun at a pure reflex and fired at it again.
	And he said he knew he hit it in the ass, but it just calmly disappeared into the forest.
	But let's not forget about the nuke look.
	These fellows also go by Man of the Bush.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	You're welcome.
	And like to live within the hundreds if not thousands of caves around Nahanni Valley.
	And those are most, if not all, of the reasons to be wary about traveling into the Nahanni Valley, especially into the Valley of the Headless Men.
	But now that we have set the stage for a frighteningly true story of the South Nahanni River and its befittingly named Headless Valley, we can safely venture into exactly why it has been given such a grotesque name, a name of which no other could be justified.
	The gripping tale of the Valley of the Headless Men all began back in 1898 when a group of tenacious prospectors in their restless search for precious, precious gold progressed further into the inhospitable lands than any man, any civilized man,
	ever had.
	They had all of the necessary supplies, pickaxes, shovels, gold sluices, rations, tents, and of course, weapons.
	Years went by.
	And the six men never returned to where they had come from.
	But people chalked it up to being nothing suspicious, seeing as people would often go missing in such circumstances while traveling deep into the uncharted territory all of the time.
	It wasn't until a couple of years later when a hunter had gone into the valley and stumbled upon the remains of the campsite of the six men.
	The lone hunter looked around and soon discovered that all six men were still there.
	They were just skeletons at this point.
	And they were all gripping.
	Their weapons in their bony fists.
	But what was more shocking was that all of them had something unusual at their feet.
	Their heads.
	The hunter scrambled out of the forest and would eventually report his finding to the RCMP, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, who would return to the campsite to do such a thorough investigation that it would make the Queen shit Timbits.
	After a short, cursory survey of the site, The RCMP would determine that all six men had died from exposure and that their bodies had been scavenged by animals, resulting in their heads finally resting at their feet.
	Yes. Yep.
	I mean, absolutely.
	How would you not come to that conclusion?
	Yeah. I mean, the thing about the bodies, the bodies are probably forming a circle, right?
	Like spokes of a wheel.
	Their heads, all sitting upright, staring out into the forest, all ritual-like, right?
	Yeah, and the RCMP, you know, they're just like, Yep, looks crystal clear to me.
	These men died of exposure.
	Yes, sir.
	And then it looks like their bodies had been scavenged by animals and, uh, lots of squirrels around here.
	Oh, tons of those pesky little critters out here.
	I'm actually amazed.
	And then it looks like they were nice enough to put their heads back when they were done, but, uh, it looks like they put them on the wrong side there.
	Oh, you got that right, eh?
	What do you say we head back?
	I'm just dying for a double-double.
	Oh, now you're just teasing me, sir.
	We will see that the RCMP have a certain pattern when they investigate each case that is brought to their attention over the years as we go through this.
	This is nothing against the RCMP, as all police forces all over the world have their shortfalls.
	The real difference being that...
	Other police forces seem to be brutal regimes, while the RCMP just seem to not want to do any real paperwork.
	Yeah, a bunch of deadly do-rights up there.
	A bunch of bullwinkles, if you will.
	You want to hear a joke?
	Oh, you know I do.
	Alright, this is a really good one.
	One afternoon, a Canadian man received a gentle knock on his door, so he politely answered.
	Stood before him were two RCMP officers with sadness washed over their faces.
	Sorry to bother you, sir.
	We have some information we feel it is necessary to inform you of.
	It's about your mother-in-law, said one officer.
	My mother-in-law?
	Well, tell me, what is it?
	What happened?
	replied the man.
	The other officer then said, Well, sir, we have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
	Which would you like to hear first, sir?
	The man suddenly feared the worst and said, I suppose I'll take the bad news first, then.
	Very well.
	said the RCMP officer.
	We are sorry to inform you, sir, but this morning we found your mother-in-law's body just out in the bay a little bit there.
	Looks like she was kayaking and it seems she had a bit of an accident.
	The man replied, Oh lord, this is terrible news!
	He swallowed hard and asked, Well, what could possibly be the good news?
	The officer took a deep breath, looked at the man and said, When we pulled her up out of water there, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters I'd ever seen just clinging to her.
	I haven't seen lobsters that fine since the 1960s, and, well, sir, we feel that you are entitled to a share of the catch.
	Stunned, the man then said, Well, if that's the good news, then what is the great news?
	The RCMP officer then said, Well, sir, we're going to pull her up again tomorrow.
	Oh, zinger!
	Oh, it's good.
	Man, got him.
	I like that joke.
	That's great.
	Largely due to the time period, the story of the six skeletons missing their heads wasn't widely reported on.
	In fact, the only surviving record of the incident is a short note, basically a cliff note, in a Yukon newspaper.
	It was almost entirely forgotten, and it would have been, if not for the story that happened about six years later.
	And was much more known and reported on.
	And that is where we will pick up next week for the second half of the Valley of the Headless Men.
	Oh, shit!
	So let's just put the sources here for part one and part two, and part two we'll be doing next week.
	So the sources come from the book Legends of the Nahanni Valley by Hammerson Peters.
	AncientOrigins.net History.com And a huge thank you to Tristram Evans over at rgbpub.com who let us use his information on the Headless Valley.
	So thank you, Tristram Evans, the right hand of doom.
	Yes, sir.
	Thank you very much.
	You know, like, listening to the descriptions of that area, it makes me so curious.
	I mean, even though it's really difficult, it sounds like one of the most inaccessible places that you could try to get to.
	It also sounds beautiful and just majestic and wild.
	And because it's so difficult, it hasn't been ran through by tons and tons of people.
	Yeah, there's no developments anywhere close to that area at all.
	The nearest road in the whole area is, I guess, Nahanni Butte.
	And it's just a small dirt road that brings you to this tiny little settlement.
	But that area...
	It is miles away from the Headless Valley.
	Yeah, I mean, it just, I can see why it has so few travelers year to year compared to the other areas.
	But it also makes me want to go there.
	Like, I want to check it out.
	I want to see it for myself.
	But, you know, I'm sure I'd get started and just be like, wow, this process is way too convoluted for me.
	Arrange everything.
	I mean, you need a lot of resources to book a boat and a plane and a guide.
	I mean, just all of the above, you know?
	So I'm looking at the...
	Okay. There's some statistics here.
	Victimsfirst.gc.ca.
	Okay. And they are statistics about missing people.
	wondering how many of the missing indigenous women have disappeared
	that area.
	to this, from 2015 to 2018, approximately 295,000 Canadians have disappeared.
	Whoa. How is that possible?
	Whoa. Whoa.
	Whoa. Yeah,
	no, that's incredible.
	Now, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the staggering numbers there.
	Where are these people going?
	Yeah, I mean, you can't make those.
	Those are some huge, staggering numbers.
	Bro, four years.
	295,000 Canadians.
	I mean, that's unreal.
	Like, sure, some of them, like, leave without telling people where they're going.
	You know, like, oh, let's just move to America or whatever.
	Sure, sure.
	And they just go away.
	People are like, right.
	But the children, though, that's a different story.
	Yeah, because...
	I mean, in most cases, I know not all, but in most cases, children have someone watching over them, looking after them, gonna notice when they're gone, you know?
	So it's not like they're just gonna quote-unquote slip through the cracks and people are gonna be like, oh yeah, I have no idea where little Billy went, you know?
	So it just seems like it's a much more insidious, or there's foul play, you know?
	Right. Well, this, according to Culture Trip, which is from theculturetrip.com slash North America slash Canada, a Mickey is a hip flask-sized bottle of liquor.
	And you can only find these at the LCBO.
	And it fits perfectly in your purse, your pocket, or your hand.
	That's right.
	And the Texas Mickey is just a larger bottle of whiskey or any hard alcohol.
	Just grab a Mickey.
	We're keeping it low-key tonight.
	Tim Hortons isn't just a coffee spot.
	It's a Canadian institution that they take very seriously.
	Interesting. That is interesting.
	It's gone political, man.
	Tim Hortons has gone political.
	Hey, do you say soda or do you say pop?
	I mean, I interchange all the time.
	Soda, pop.
	I only ever say soda.
	I never say pop, ever.
	Now, pop is more of an American thing, right?
	You know...
	According to Culture Trip, the website that I'm checking out right now, pop is what they use, and it refers to soda, of course.
	And the context sentence they use for it is, let's have a couple pops on the Chesterfield.
	They don't, in their alphabet, they don't say X, Y, Z. They say X, Y, Zed.
	They don't use Z. They use Zed.
	So Zed's dead.
	We know him as a...
	Music artist, right?
	Have you heard of Zed Dead?
	Zed's Dead?
	Oh yeah, I love Zed's Dead.
	Yeah, so I guess that's like a Canadian thing.
	Okay. Apparently, but I guess Zed's Dead comes from Pulp Fiction.
	Yes, Zed's Dead.
	Yeah. XYZ.
	Speaking of Pulp Fiction, this is a random fact unrelated to Canada, but the actor Bruce Willis was recently given...
	A bad, a harsh diagnosis last week.
	Dementia, sir.
	That's gotta be scary, man.
	The transition of you're still here, but like your brain is starting to go, right?
	And you're in the middle, and it's like you're still partly here, but you're still in dementia world.
	That transition has got to be frightening, bro.
	Absolutely. And I think they were saying in 2019, or was it 20?
	Don't quote me on this.
	But I think it might have been 2019, he had to step away from acting because he was diagnosed with aphasia.
	It's like the disorder where you can't speak words correctly.
	So that was where it started.
	He began not being able to speak correctly, and now it's full-on dementia.
	It's just, oh man, it's so scary, bro.
	And he's only 67. That's the crazy part, because he's 67 years old.
	He's not very old.
	Was he a boxer at any point in time or anything?
	I don't think so.
	Didn't take a bunch of head hits.
	He played a boxer in Pulp Fiction.
	Oh yeah, that's true.
	That's where it came from.
	Pulp Fiction did it.
	Yeah, they take maple syrup and they put it in snow.
	They make little icicles.
	Maple syrup icicles in the snow.
	No way.
	Apparently, a well-used phrase in Canada is, that's jokes.
	So it's a way to say that something's funny.
	Like if someone said, I saw a Newfie riding a moose the other day.
	Someone would say, huh, that's jokes.
	Did you know that Canada officially got its own national flag on February 15th, 1965, almost 100 years after it became a country in 1867?
	Wow. That's really not that long ago.
	No, bro, not at all.
	Took them a while to get around to that.
	Well, thanks guys for tuning in this week to part one of Valley of the Headless Men.
	We set the scene in today's episode and hopefully have piqued your interest in what's going to be a fascinating and thrilling tale, which we will reprise next week.
	Yeah, so the first episode, yeah, we set the scene, kind of boring a little bit, but next week's episode is the nitty-gritty, a lot of juicy stuff.
	That is the guts of the tale, so definitely come back next week because that is where the fun is going to be.
	That's where the magic's gonna happen.
	So don't forget to like, share, and subscribe to the Paranautica Podcast.
	You can email us at Paranautica at gmail.com.
	That's P-A-R-A-N-A-U-G-H-T-I-C-A at gmail.com.
	Go over and follow us over there at the old Twitter tweet tweet.
	And Scott, what do you got for us?
	We'll see you next week.
	Hey, Coop, let's go out for a rip, huh, bud?
	Yeah, gee, thanks for tuning in this week, and next week we're going to have a fascinating tale to tell you, so please come back again.

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