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Jan. 24, 2025 - Dr. Oz Podcast
42:38
Is Toxic Mold Ruining Your Home? | Dr. Oz | S7 | Ep 135 | Full Episode
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You can't always see it.
You can't always smell it.
But it could be making you and your family sick.
I'm talking about toxic mold.
It can be carcinogenic.
We expose the hidden places it could be growing in your home.
Look at that.
My kid bathed with these.
Plus, E! News host Maria Menounos reveals how she lost 40 pounds.
So what was the aha moment in your life when you finally realized this is worth it?
Coming up next.
We'll save lives today.
We'll save lives today.
We are ready to get healthy.
Today's show is all about the remedies you need to restore your home, your health, and your marriage.
Investigation looks into the places you will never expect to uncover toxic mold.
So first we're going to show you where to look and what you need to do when you find toxic mold grown in your home.
Then Maria Menounas is here.
She is sharing how she got healthy and lost 40 pounds.
She looks wonderful and she's kept it off for a long time.
And finally, one of the biggest complaints I hear from women is they came home all the time and when they get home there's a disconnected husband there who won't open up emotionally.
One of the top relationship experts in the country is here to show you today exactly how to rekindle the sparks in our relationships.
Let's get started with today's show on mold.
Now, a few months ago, I found this very small, innocuous-seeming brown spot right over there in my living room.
You see it right there?
Little did I know, but behind this was lurking this.
Toxic mold.
That is my living room, folks.
And it got me thinking.
If it could happen to me, how could I prevent it from happening to you?
So today we're exposing the hidden places mold could be grown in your home.
And I'm enlisted investigative reporter Jenna Wolf to help us out.
Hey Dr. Oz, so I have two kids.
The last thing I want to be worried about is mold in my house.
It's a problem a lot of people have.
So we decided to have a mold expert come here and I'm going to play the role of guinea pig.
Let the expert go through every room in the house to see what's really going on.
All right, so Jenna, one area that we noticed here is between the sink and the countertop.
You noticed that or you went looking for that?
Because I've been living here for years and have never noticed that.
Yeah, so the seal there can break down over time and then the water gets in there and can build up with molding.
Is there mold in there now?
Yeah, you can see all the dark stuff in there.
I wouldn't even have known to look underneath there.
I would think that...
Take care of your sponges in your shape.
Yeah, and that's another good thing, too, is you can see the tray down here.
You can see some of the black growth along the bottom there.
I don't want to see the black growth, but thank you for pointing it out to me.
Alright, so this is something that can be very important, especially being a mom and with children, is children's bath toys.
We have a ton of them.
Yes, I see that.
And so what happens sometimes is, you know, these toys, they're meant to get water in them, they can spray out, it's lots of fun.
Yeah, they can spray each other, right?
Exactly.
Have you ever had a problem with a bunch of black stuff coming out of them?
Please don't say, is that mold?
Yep, it could be mold.
So what we're going to do is we're going to sacrifice one today and take a look and see what's inside.
Oh, do we need to say a prayer?
But okay, let's just do it.
Alright, let's see what we get.
I don't know if I really want to see what's inside.
Look at that.
No joke, my kid bathed with these.
Are you kidding me?
That's mold.
Jenna is here.
I mean, the whole experience is sort of shocking.
In my house, the only mold I want is around the cheese, maybe.
Right, and then you buy that.
You're actually paying for that.
I mean, it's a little scary when you keep your house clean, and you've got mold in places you'd never expect.
It's scary because...
You don't even recognize it.
I mean, I literally take my kids and I throw all these toys in there with them and then to cut this open and see something like that, I had no idea.
And again, pride myself on having a clean house, organized.
I thought this was a joke segment.
They would never find mold in my house.
That's what they found.
Okay, so we wanted to see just how common this phenomenon really was.
So Jenna and our mold inspector went to our friend Renata's house to investigate if she too could have mold.
Okay, so Matt, so what are you looking for What have you found so far?
With our handy moisture meter, we can see...
What does that mean, though?
That means that there's moisture behind your tiles.
Oh, gosh.
Possible mold.
Yep, yep.
And one other thing I noticed is over here by your window.
You see on the windowsill here?
Mm-hmm.
All of that stuff right there could be mold.
It's most likely due to high humidity in the bathroom and not having an exhaust fan in the bathroom.
Alright, but how can I prevent the high humidity?
Just crack the window?
Cracking the window will help, yup.
That's a good idea.
Oh, what's this?
We have a bucket under here?
Ah, yes!
That's a sign that you have a water leak.
How bad is that situation down there, Matt?
Underneath here, if you can see way up there.
Oh gosh!
See all the black stuff up there?
There's no seal underneath the sink here, so the water is seeping underneath.
Here we have your radiator, and if you can see in the camera here, that big blue spot on the floor, that's all moisture.
Well, I mean, looking at it without the lens, I mean, I can't even tell that there's moisture.
Underneath the floor here, if you take a look, you can actually see...
The floorboards are black in color.
They're wet.
How dangerous is that?
Yeah, I mean, depending on what type of mold it is, it could be very dangerous.
We have Dragor Natha into the studio with us.
Now, you were skeptical, in fairness, that we would find anything.
You knew you were cleaner than Jenna, of course.
Right, because I'm pretty clean.
You know, she's a diva.
So, of course...
You guys know I can hear you, right?
I'm actually sitting right between you guys.
Excuse me.
Of course.
When I say she's a diva, I was referring to me.
Of course you are.
Absolutely, yes.
But...
Yeah, I had no idea that there was mold all up and through there.
You probably had it in that floor for a year.
Any idea you had it hanging out?
No, no.
I mean, when he showed it to me on, you know, the blue spot on that thingy that he used, the thingy, yeah.
Scientific name.
Scientific, absolutely, yeah.
The thingy that he used, I had no idea that that big spot had mold up under it.
So, Jenna, you feel better knowing that...
You're not the only diva with mold in your house?
I feel better knowing she had mold.
You know, the problem is we don't recognize the difference between mold or, say, dust or something.
So now it went crazy, right?
Did you not go back through your house and look at everything?
Is this mold?
Is this dangerous?
Should I not bring my kids near there?
Because some of it looks like an accumulation of dust.
Exactly.
She's got a dirty house.
Jenna, don't get cut.
It wasn't dirty.
It was mold.
All right.
Don't move from here.
I'm going to go get some help for us.
We have that mold inspector who helped with all these projects.
His name is Matthew Wieletski and he's going to help us out.
It is confusing to a lot of folks.
So why is mold such a problem for so many wonderful folks?
A lot of people don't realize that mold is everywhere.
It's outside.
It's in the air.
It can be even in the air we're breathing right now.
And if given the right conditions, mold can grow just about anywhere.
Come on back.
We got some little demonstration pictures here.
We're going to walk you all through the kinds of places you might find mold.
Because in addition to the places we talked about...
In that little package, there are other places mold could be affecting you without us even knowing it.
So start us off with the window sashes.
This actually was close to the problem that we had in my house.
Right.
So condensation can build up on the windows combined with dust that may build up on the sashes here.
And that's a good recipe for mold to grow, usually around the corners here at the bottoms of the windows.
All right.
So even if it's dusty, you might have dust plus mold underneath it or around it.
Correct.
Yeah, correct.
All right.
The second big area everyone has to worry about is the dishes.
You know, when I do our dishes, usually the dishwasher dries it out, but I know sometimes, especially nice dishes, you want to wash them by hand.
Right.
And if folks don't dry them, what happens?
Well, you put them away wet, you stack them wet, they stay wet for a longer period of time, and that's enough time for mold to grow in that area in your cabinets.
And what about air conditioning systems?
That's probably a place that I would think, I would see water dripping out of mine.
So it must be moist up there.
It is, yeah.
So air conditioning units, they trap dust and debris inside the ducts on the condensing coils.
And once you get humid air in there, or the condensate that you were talking about, that then can create an environment for mold to grow, and then it just blows it throughout the house.
And probably the most obvious place that I should have known, but now I'm aware of, and everyone else should be aware of, is the wallpaper.
Wallpaper, definitely.
So yeah, the glue on wallpaper, most people don't realize, is a great source of food for mold.
So given the right moisture...
It's food for mold?
It is food for mold, yes.
So especially in bathrooms, that's the worst place to have wallpaper.
Jenna or nothing, you guys pay attention over there?
Oh, totally!
Completely, totally, and utterly, yes.
I mean, this kind of stuff, obviously, everyone's going to know there's a problem here, but you're saying even if it looks like this little block here, you might have mold behind it.
It's possible, yep.
So what do we do?
Come on up.
If you can't see the mold...
How do you know that it's there?
We don't want a bunch of people who are paranoid, you know, wondering if there's mold lurking in their home.
Right.
It's difficult to find hidden mold.
But one test that you can do, it's a very easy test, it's called an ERMI test.
It stands for Environmental Relative Moldiness Index.
So really what that means is you can take a simple dust sample, send it off to a lab, and then you get the results back.
It tells you how your home rates in comparison to the average home.
It's affordable.
People can get it without getting the world expert in their house.
And how do you know when you get the results back if you've got some really bad mold in there?
Are all molds created equal?
Well, not all molds are created equal.
However, when it comes to your home, you want to limit molds as much as possible.
One thing that does scare people a lot and should be a red flag is when stachybotrys shows up.
That's considered your toxic black mold.
Black mold.
Correct.
That sounds bad.
Yes.
So it can be carcinogenic.
Is that what it looks like?
That's what it looks like, yes.
Pronounce it, Dr. Oz.
Stachymold.
Stachybotrys.
Stachybotrys.
Everyone knows that Stachybotrys.
Up next, the truth about what mold could be doing to your health and what you need to know to protect yourself.
So stay with us. - Next, now that you know where to look for mold in your home, Jenna Wolf and I uncover the toxic symptoms.
I've got weird skin things happening or my breathing's not so good.
How to stop down that mold lurking in your home and how to prevent it from coming back.
Next.
Would you carry a stranger's baby?
If you had fertility issues, would you ask a stranger to carry yours?
Surrogacy disasters.
So you're left abandoned.
You're pregnant with twins.
Someone else's twins.
Betrayed.
She sued me for child support, health insurance, and all of her attorney fees.
Heartbreaking stories you haven't heard.
All new Oz.
You ever wish you hadn't been a surrogate?
That's coming up tomorrow.
So one other thing I noticed is here at your window, you can see in the corner that there is some black substance there, which most likely is mold.
I thought it was just accumulation of dust.
It's actually mold.
Yeah, sometimes it does look like dust.
Today, how toxic mold could be lurking in your home without you even knowing it?
We're back with investigative reporter Jenna Wolfe.
Renata is joining us, of course.
And we have the mold inspector himself, Matthew Waletsky.
I want to talk about the symptoms of mold exposure that many of you do not know about.
So I'm just going to quiz everybody.
Nasal congestion and stuffiness, eye irritation, wheezing, and skin irritation.
Do any of those seem familiar to you guys, Jenna or Nata?
I mean, now that you think about it, some mornings I have to wake up and take an Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus, but it might be due to the fact that there's mold in my apartment.
You think?
You think?
You know what?
I told you.
Sorry.
My apologies.
I'm sorry.
But, I mean, I do.
I do wake up sometimes a little stuffy.
So it could be because of the mold, huh, Matt?
But the problem is, just as we can't recognize mold from dust, you know, how can I recognize if I'm getting sick because it's a cold and it's winter or if something is really affecting me?
I think the whole thing is very hard to decide what it is and how dangerous it is.
Well, let's take it back a step.
If you're completely normal and feel like a million bucks, you don't have to worry quite as much because it's not bothering you.
But once I see what was in your kids' toys and all that, I start to think to myself, I've got weird skin things happening.
My breathing is not so good.
I mean, look, asthma is a major reason kids miss school.
It's not a small issue.
Can be done if you want to prevent mold from...
Just give us the tactics to make sure there is no mold in our house to begin with.
Yeah, so the key to preventing mold is to controlling moisture in your home.
Mold can grow within the first 24 to 48 hours after a leak.
So the first thing you do, locate and fix any moisture leaks as soon as possible.
Like that sink you have in your house would be a good one to fix.
Did you fix it yet, or...?
Listen, Jenna.
I was just asking.
That was a normal question.
Alright, Mom, thank you.
The next thing you can do, hang up anything to dry that's wet.
Towels, clothes, that sort of thing.
And in bathrooms, ventilate after using the shower.
Ventilate when you're cooking.
You can open a window.
You can use the exhaust vent.
And then lastly, you can always use a dehumidifier as well.
I grew up with a dehumidifier in my house.
My mom was adamant about this stuff.
And that thing would fill up with water.
I never realized how moist a place you could get.
Right.
So if you do have a little bit of mold, I don't want people to have to redo their house like I had to do my whole wall area there.
But if you've got a lesser area, how do you clean the mold in a safe way?
Yeah, so usually the rule of thumb is 10 square feet.
If you have less than that, you can clean it up yourself using basic protection such as rubber gloves, eye protection, a dust mask.
And then you can use a solution of borax here, either one cup to one gallon of water, or just a detergent in water, and you can scrub the surface.
Can you hand me those to me if you don't want?
So Renata, again, we're sending you home with these.
This is, again, there's always partying, partying, and the yellow goes.
Give me the borax, too.
Oh, here you go.
Thank you.
So what are you going to do differently when you get home with that mold?
I am going to ventilate.
Right.
I'm going to ventilate the house and I'm going to see about using this Borax and handling that mold, getting in them corners and getting the mold out, which I thought was dust, and it is not.
And Jenna, what's your path forward?
Oh yeah, my kids will never have bath toys again.
So, ever.
No, no more toys with the little holes that can suction in water.
I had no idea that it could keep and house all that bacteria, all that mold.
And if that doesn't work, probably just get rid of the kids entirely.
Just make sure there's no more.
No more.
Thanks, y'all.
We'll be right back.
Next, before Maria Menounos became an actress and host of E!
News, she was your everyday girl, struggling with weight and career.
How she changed her diet and lost 40 pounds.
I know that what we put in is what we get.
Find out next.
E-News host Maria Menounas is here to share what she did to lose 40 pounds and change her health for good.
Maria Menounos, one of the biggest names in entertainment news, has been a powerhouse on the red carpet, covering every major Hollywood event for years.
And now, she's the lead anchor for E! News.
She's known for breaking sizzling stories, interviewing A-listers, and her killer beach body.
But Maria wasn't always in love with her shape.
During college, she gained over 40 pounds.
But once she hit a size 14, Maria decided to make a change.
After slimming down, Maria wanted to help others reach their weight loss goals.
So she wrote the Every Girl's Guide to Diet and Fitness.
And today, Maria Menounos gives you her tips for staying fit, healthy, and fabulous.
Come on up, Maria Menounos!
Hi!
How are you?
Good, thanks for having me.
You look like an angel.
Thank you.
Hi, everybody.
Come on over.
Thank you.
Oh, I am thrilled you're here.
I'm thrilled.
We're such big fans.
My mom is backstage having a heart attack.
She's so excited.
Can I get to beat your mom, too?
Every day, my mom's like, Maria, Dr. Ross, you say you gotta have magnesium, or whatever you say every day.
She's like, she's reporting.
She's taking notes.
So I knew you were healthy, but I did not know you had gotten healthy.
So what was the aha moment in your life when you finally realized?
This is worth it.
I think, you know, everyone has that different moment in their life.
And for me, I was gaining a lot of weight while I was in college.
And my dad's type 1 diabetic, and I know it runs in my family.
And so all of these things kind of came together.
I remember I set a goal.
It was in January that I set a goal to compete in the Miss Massachusetts USA pageant that November.
And by May of that year, I had lost 20 pounds.
Oh, my.
And so part of it, like I said, is not wanting to get sick and thinking forward, thinking of the 40-year plan, thinking of not wanting to be on diabetic medications and stuff if I could prevent it.
So your dad, you mentioned, was diabetic.
How did that affect you?
It affected me in such a big way because my dad...
Even though he is really, really healthy with his diet, he had...
He's pretty healthy now.
Look at him.
Yeah, he's a stud.
But at 71, he doesn't have any of the complications from diabetes because he's eaten pure fuel.
The problem was he wasn't eating enough carbs to sustain the energy, and so his blood sugar would drop all the time.
I've had to revive him many, many times throughout the years.
So it's very scary.
It's a very scary disease.
Now, diabetes runs in families.
Do you have...
Do you have any risks?
Do you have diabetes in your own life?
Yeah, well, last summer, my A1C levels crept into prediabetes.
So I was at a 6.0 at one point.
I had no idea, which is why it's really important for everyone to be screened, because you just never know.
And I made some quick changes to my diet.
I swapped whole wheat bread for white bread, and my levels started going down.
I really paid attention to my sugar intake, because when I would go to the movies, I would have candy.
So I stopped that.
And I brought my levels down to a 5-3.
Just with diet?
Yeah.
I know that what we put in is what we get.
And so I really want to pay attention to that.
And this cookbook was so important for me to do because my mom really mastered really healthy, quick, fast, delicious meals because she was working multiple jobs, had to feed a family, had to take care of a sick husband.
And so I'm like, wait, if you could do it, why am I complaining I don't have time to do it?
There's got to be a way.
And so we put all these recipes together in this book for everybody.
And they are.
They're fast.
They're delicious.
They're healthy.
About 70 of them.
Are actually diabetic friendly.
So I had a nutritionist and a top endocrinologist actually identify which one.
So if you're diabetic, this is a really helpful kind of guide for you.
We've been making recipes out of it.
I got an early print.
Yay!
Let's go through the whole...
Because it's not just about food.
So one thing, and Marie's agreed to share with everybody exactly how she did it.
And if you're struggling with health issues, follow this example.
So the first is about moving.
And this is important when you say you never stop moving.
I didn't know that for sure, but we knew you were flying out here.
So you pulled the security cam from JFK Airport.
Here you are.
This is you.
Is that you?
Yes, that is me.
It wasn't hard to pick you out.
I love you.
You keep moving like that no matter where you are?
You know, in my last book, The Every Girl's Guide to Diet and Fitness, I actually chronicle my 40-pound weight loss journey, and I say, ABM, always be moving.
I'm always moving, whether it's in the shower, whether I'm brushing my teeth, I'm doing squats, the airport, I'll do lunges, I'm walking my dogs, I'm doing lunges.
Let's do it.
We got stairs here.
I'll walk you.
Okay.
Since you're dressed in all white, I'll escort you up.
Let's do it.
I'll do it in high heels, too.
Can you do it in high heels?
Yeah.
Then you get a couch.
So you'll find any excuse you can.
Yeah, and I always do the double stairs.
Oh, the double stairs?
Yeah, you gotta do the double.
Alright, free time, Mia.
When we come back, Maria is gonna show us how she lost 40 pounds and how you can too.
Stay with us.
Next, now that Maria shared how she lost the weight, find out how she keeps it off.
Her great ideas on what to eat, from breakfast to snacks.
And even how to have your favorite cheat foods.
I drizzled a little honey on top, and it's delicious.
Coming up next.
Would you carry a stranger's baby?
If you had fertility issues, would you ask a stranger to carry yours?
Surrogacy disasters.
So you're left abandoned, you're pregnant with twins, someone else's twins.
Betrayed.
She sued me for child support, health insurance, and all of her attorney fees.
Heartbreaking stories you haven't heard.
All new Oz.
Do you ever wish you hadn't been a surrogate?
That's coming up tomorrow.
We are back with Marina Munoz and she is keeping us moving, squeezing exercises.
I'm exhausted already, but I got a surprise.
I want to talk to the woman who taught Maria everything she knows about cooking, Mama Menounos.
Mama!
She's here!
Thank you.
Your daughter was imitating you, you should know.
Yes, I do know that.
Did you hear her say that?
Yeah, all the time.
Terrible, isn't it?
Now, did your Greek background influence the way you taught her how to cook?
Yes, definitely.
In what way?
All the healthy stuff that we need to cook.
That's what she came out of me.
Now whisper to me, was she a good cook growing up?
Of course she was.
Always.
She tried all the time.
Let me tell you, once I tried to make cookies.
And she wanted to make the cookies.
And I said, Maria, you cannot make them.
So I gave him a little dough.
By the end of the day, the cookie dough was black.
Because I kept practicing.
Thank you for making it, Maria.
Thank you.
You did a great job.
Thanks for making me too, Mom.
So Maria will show us a few tricks.
Some ones you got from my mom, some other ones.
The first thing you do is you make this morning caffeine smoothie.
Yes.
So this is coconut milk?
This is milk.
You can use almond milk.
You can use coconut milk.
A big thing in my book is I try to remove the fear from cooking because we're always so nervous of doing it wrong.
And there really is no wrong.
If you like spices, use spices.
If you don't like spices, don't use them.
But just coffee and the milk and then all the rest of the stuff we see here.
And then you got...
You've got some vanilla extract, some coconut oil, some unsweetened coconut flakes, some banana ice chips to make it kind of like really frosty.
And then you can top it with some almonds and kind of have that little crunchy people-like texture.
It's pretty good, right?
It's really good.
And you can sweeten it to your liking.
Like, I tried to use as little sugary stuff as I possibly could so that they would stay as healthy as possible.
I think it's better than coffee, personally.
Well, you know what's really funny?
So I was on the airline.
On the airplane, do my final pass of my book.
And when I finished, I put it down, and I had just met with one of your producers, and they gave me your magazine.
I'm like, oh, great, I can read a magazine.
I'm on the plane, I read your magazine, and you had caffeine smoothies in there!
I thought I was so smart!
But you had beat me to it!
You are smart, you are smart.
Mom, you like it?
All right, so...
So smart, everyone should do it.
The next thing you argue is that we have to have stress-relieving tactics, and you use lemon water, which has come up quite a bit this year.
Hot water and lemon.
I learned it from a friend who's a yogi.
And so it fills you up and lets you know when you're really hungry.
Because most of the time we're thinking with our heads and what's going to taste good and not with our stomachs and are we really hungry.
So if you have your hot water, you'll be a better judge of whether you're actually hungry or not.
This is thousands of years old.
Right.
And it was the reason why it's so popular because it works over and over again.
Okay, now, I think one of your best tips is this one.
Thank you.
This is a portable protein pack for sustainable energy.
You have many different ones.
We picked three that I thought people could use today at their home.
So walk us through them.
It's great because for me, I'm always in my car, so I need stuff that won't get everywhere.
So I love putting things in a mason jar.
So my quinoa breakfast, this is actually, again, just wanting more protein because I had cut meat out of my diets.
So I was like, oh, I have some cooked quinoa in the fridge.
What if I mixed it with yogurt?
Let's see what happens.
So I mixed it with yogurt and cinnamon for the anti-inflammatory properties.
And then I drizzled a little honey on top and some chopped walnuts.
And it's delicious.
And you're getting a hugely...
Protein-packed little breakfast.
And their taste you wouldn't put together, you know, a grain with a yogurt, but it actually is how, in Greece and Turkey, it's often eaten.
Yeah, it works.
This is a hummus jar with your, you know, any vegetables you want.
I like celery and carrots.
You have your little hummus jar.
You have chickpea poppers, little crunchy little things you can keep in your car.
They're not going to go bad.
I'm a big fan of that.
And because they won't go bad, stop catching!
Catch!
And finally, this is the three-quarter rule, the 75-25 rule.
So you make a healthy dish like this.
And what's the last quarter for?
So I always say, I try to eat.
Clean, pure food for 75% of the time.
And this way I can have a little fun in the 25% of my time.
I don't want anyone depriving themselves because that's when we overeat on the things that we're not supposed to really indulge in.
It's because we're depriving ourselves.
So for me, I'll eat clean.
I'll have this for lunch.
I'll have something like the quinoa breakfast for breakfast.
And at dinner, if I want it in a nutburger, I'm going to go get it.
And it's fine.
You're not going to do that every day.
But that moment is totally allowable because you ate so clean.
You moved.
It's fine.
Well, Mama Menounos told me your favorite thing was actually...
Oh, what do you got?
I love nachos.
Nachos.
Oh, my gosh.
I love nachos!
So you're telling me you would control your cravings by only putting a quarter plate's worth of nachos in front of you.
Just a little bit, yeah.
Because if you don't deprive yourself, you don't need the whole platter.
Because you know in two weeks if you have the craving again, you can have it.
Marie's fantastic.
Her book, The Every Girl's Guide to Cooking, is what it looks like, everybody.
It's in stores right now.
Now, I've got to say, I've got to pre-copy this, and I think it's fantastic.
I just wish I could even get it still.
Maybe we can give one page to each member of the audience.
Well, you know what?
They always say, beware of Greek sparing gifts.
But in this case, there's a nutrition horse, ladies and gentlemen.
I am bringing you all a copy of the book.
You're all the only one!
And you go to DrEyes.com for the recipes as well.
We'll be right back.
Nice to meet you.
Next, world-renowned relationship expert Rabbi Shmuley tackles the big question.
Why are so many women feeling disconnected from their husbands?
I think he forgets that I'm even here.
His solutions for couples everywhere to find connection again.
Next.
Whoever said a doctor's visit isn't fun has obviously never been to the Dr. Oz show.
Is that right?
Make your appointment today.
Go to DrRogs.com slash tickets and sign up for free tickets.
How many of you come home from a long and stressful day and just want comfort and companionship from your husband?
The problem is that he's either watching TV or he's on his phone or maybe he hasn't even still worked at Devin Home yet.
He's often zoned out and you are left feeling alone.
My husband comes home and the first thing he does is turn on the TV. Sometimes I feel like I'm married to a zombie and it drives me insane.
I mean, he walks around like, I'm not even here, and I'm like, really?
My husband and I have been married for 22 years, and I still can't get him to open up emotionally.
Last night, my husband and I went to dinner, and all through drinks, appetizers, and even dinner, he was on his phone.
I even took a picture of him.
Dr. Oz helped me feel more connected to my husband.
I love him, but sometimes...
I think he forgets that I'm even here.
Today I've invited one of my good friends and world-renowned relationship expert, Shmuley, to be here, Shmuley Batea, Rabbi Shmuley.
Hey, Dr. Oz, thank you so much for having me.
The million-dollar question, those women who were complaining about it, why do so many women feel disconnected?
It's the number one complaint in marriage, emotionally disconnected.
Because men are raised to bury their emotions.
They're punished for showing emotions.
We keep on telling them as children, you know, suck it up, stop crying.
And we reward them for productivity.
Women love the man with the plan.
Suddenly, the guy gets married, and he feels that one of the reasons he was chosen is because he's successful, and his wife feels, why aren't you talking to me more about your feelings?
He feels bamboozled.
You fooled me.
I was never taught, I was never trained to talk about emotion, to express emotion.
In fact, I was punished for it.
So what we need to do is get men much more comfortable with talking about their feelings.
So this concept of the broken American male, it's something that a lot of us are beginning to resonate to.
Define that for everybody.
And why is it happening?
There's so many broken men across the American landscape.
The reason is that we make men feel bad about themselves.
The way we get them to produce and to work hard.
Is by giving them a chip on their shoulder.
You're not good enough.
You're inadequate.
These feelings of insufficiency get them to become extremely productive because they have something to prove.
They need validation.
But whenever they think and feel about themselves, they feel like failures.
That's the broken American male.
And they don't open up to their whys because think about it.
If I think that I'm not good enough, if I feel like I'm a failure, the woman dumb enough to marry me is a failure squared.
She's even worse than I am.
So she can't give me value because she doesn't possess any herself.
By the way, it also explains why men open up to women in affairs.
A lot of women say to me, I can't believe it.
After being so devoted to my husband, he's now having an affair with a stranger?
And I tell them it's specifically because he's not married to her.
She did not ally herself with failure.
He sees her as a winner.
Oh my goodness.
A lot of depth to that.
Why is it getting worse now?
Why is this accelerating?
Because the definition of success for men has become so narrow in our time.
Think about it.
A quarter of a century ago, half a century ago, the world was a little bit more religious, a little bit more traditional.
That meant that success for men was not only how much money do you have in your bank account, have you hit the Fortune 400, part of the success was, do you read your kids a bedtime story?
Are you monogamous and faithful and romantic?
Do you contribute to your community?
Those things have gone by the wayside.
We now judge men very monolithically, almost exclusively on their productivity.
So if I feel I'm only successful or the world will only appreciate me for what I produce, not how I feel, not my commitments, not my kids, not my wife, then I don't put as much investment into them because I want to be a success.
We've changed how we get graded.
Correct.
So up next we're going to meet a couple who wants to reconnect Next how can you get that spark back Is it possible to feel close again?
Rabbi Smuley offers his best advice for your relationship issues.
He disconnects.
He shuts down.
Find out how to reconnect with your spouse and rekindle that moment.
Coming up next.
Would you carry a stranger's baby?
If you had fertility issues, would you ask a stranger to carry yours?
Surrogacy disasters.
So you're left abandoned, you're pregnant with twins, someone else's twins.
All new eyes.
You ever wish you hadn't been a surrogate?
That's coming up tomorrow.
We are back with relationship expert, Rami Shmueli.
Joining us are Elizabeth and Archie.
They have been married for 15 years.
Elizabeth says that her husband has become disconnected, something we have been hearing a lot of late.
So why was it important for you to be here today, Elizabeth?
Well, first, let me just say that I love my husband.
We've been married for 15 years, and we have three beautiful children and a good, healthy relationship, a good, healthy marriage.
But there is a disconnect.
He's engaged in conversation when we talk about the kids or our daily lives or the household, that kind of thing.
He's very engaged.
He's very connected.
But if I want to talk about my day or my feelings, if I want to talk to him, he disconnects.
You know?
He shuts down.
He's done.
And that makes me feel lonely.
That's what makes me feel lonely.
So, Archie, you get extra credit bonus points, by the way, for being here.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Please.
Yeah, obviously, hearing a very articulate woman talk about disconnection, do you feel disconnected at times?
Like, you're distracted by other things?
Well, the pressure.
Of being the provider and making sure that the home is taken care of and their extrinsic needs are met and, you know, the roof and food and clothing, shelter, all of that.
The time that it takes to do that, maybe, yeah, I may disconnect a little bit.
And I just need the tools to reignite that romance.
You came to the right guy.
You got a whole toolkit.
Yeah.
Well, think about it.
It's so interesting what you're saying, Elizabeth, because Archie is being...
He's praised for fixing things.
He talked to him about the kids, there's a problem, he can fix it.
The moment you say, but I want you to feel, he's adrift at sea.
He has no idea what you're talking about.
And you have to be honest, even if he was a man who felt a lot and wrote poetry and watched the sunset and he was living with his mother, would you have married him?
I would.
He used to.
He used to write poetry and all that kind of wonderful, wonderful stuff.
Like, he used to.
Right.
But now he has to master life, provide for a family, and all of that is very practical.
The pragmatic begins to win over the romantic.
So this is what you need to do.
Step number one.
You have to ensure that in your marriage you don't ask your husband questions, what was your day like, or tell him what your day was like.
Get rid of the practical.
Ask him how he felt about his day.
And don't allow him off the hook by giving him the opportunity to give monosyllabic responses.
Because men are often in a lot of pain, and you made it so plainly obvious.
What other women are feeling, that you're feeling lonely.
And the reason is, loneliness is not where you don't have a man next to you.
Loneliness is where you don't have a man that needs you.
We need to be needed.
We want to be wanted.
We desire to be desired.
You have to feel essential.
There has to be an emotional dependency.
Right.
Got it.
That's good stuff.
A man of discernment and taste.
I like that.
You also say they have to break the routine they built.
Break the conventions that we've built amongst ourselves.
Routine is the death of marriages.
Routine is where there's nothing to look forward to.
It's the been there, done that syndrome.
Why should he talk to you about your life when he knows everything about you?
He knows every little inch of terrain.
So breaking routine means like 9, 9.30 at night.
Stop all practical, pragmatic conversations.
Stop making plans about who's going to take the kids tomorrow to school or who's going to...
And if they don't go to school...
They'll survive.
The marriage has to be put first every time.
But you can't have a relationship where you're only speaking about practical details and you're not communicating as a man and a woman.
I can't stand when we stop becoming people and we just become parents.
Then we're just a means to another end.
And finally, I would say, create mystery.
Where did the mystery go?
I like that smile.
Elizabeth, do you have secrets?
No.
Oh, come on.
I don't believe that.
There's no one who doesn't have secrets.
Not so much.
We have a secret?
I'm not telling you.
It wouldn't be a secret anymore.
It wouldn't be a secret.
I don't have secrets.
I'm not asking that you guys reveal this on national TV, but everybody has secrets.
Each of us has a deeper dimension, and you have to peel away the layers.
So, Archie, as you hear that, what parts would you take away to rekindle the connection in the relationship?
I love the idea of adding mystery.
More mystery.
More mystery.
Where I have to be more creative in the time that we have together because we're so busy.
You know, men are the ones who often respond very positively to the mysterious thing.
Firstly, because they know their wives are mysterious, even if their wives deny it.
You're saying, Elizabeth, you've got no secrets.
I don't believe that's true.
And I don't think your husband believes it's true.
Your job is to uncover them.
And secondly, it's because the biggest problem for men in relationships actually is boredom.
It's where they just kind of get into routine and this is where they begin to do stupid things.
Half of the men that I counsel who end up being unfaithful in marriage or just tuning out and zoning out and not being emotionally available, it's really because they're just bored so they veg in front of a TV or they become workaholics.
They're looking for something to fill the time when really the most interesting thing in the world is a woman.
I mean, you're a woman who has incredible emotional depth.
I can hear it from just what you're saying.
But this has to be the target of that depth.
And you guys have to really start having these deeply emotional conversations.
For example, have you ever asked your husband, what is your deepest fear?
Do you know his deepest fear?
No.
Oh, we got a good first question.
No.
But men are often driven by fears.
Fear of failure.
The fear of being inadequate.
And they compensate by, as I said before, by being more productive and feeling less because they don't want to feel inadequate.
But they have no one to talk to, no one to unburden themselves with.
Here's another interesting thing.
You know, 60% of affairs are not even physical.
People who never even meet.
It's men finding that there's suddenly a woman they can talk to because they want to emotionally unburden themselves.
I think wives are really not aware of how much pain men live with today.
These feelings of failure, of inadequacy.
Because we're in a rat race.
We're in a competition.
With women, it's a slightly different competition.
It's a competition to always look great and feel young.
Young women are punished for the two most organic qualities known to the human species, which is eating and aging.
They will lie about their age because they feel ashamed.
"Did you commit a crime?
You turn 58.
Really?
Are they going to arrest you for it?
You won't even say your age." And the second thing is you eat a cube of cheese.
"I didn't really eat it.
It looked like it.
I promise I didn't eat it." So women have their own struggles.
I'm not denying that.
But the struggle for men...
Is that the world only cares about our hands.
It doesn't seem to give a darn about our heart.
So you have to show them, I care about your heart.
Your boss might only care about your hands.
Your boss might tell you that you're going to be rendered redundant.
You get fired if you're not productive enough.
But he has to hear from you.
That's all secondary.
You're not an ATM to me.
What you are to me is a human being that I share my life with, my life's partner, my soulmate.
You can read more of Rabbi Shmueli's relationship advice in his book.
Kosher Lust.
We'll be right back. - Why are so many people popping anxiety pills?
We investigate.
So how bad did the addiction get?
- It got very bad.
I was a size zero.
I was on welfare.
And on the inside, I felt hollow and dead.
- A mom strung out on anxiety meds comes clean.
Plus, rap icon Salt and Pfeffer reveals the Omega-3 power meal you should be eating.
Doesn't that look good?
All new Oz.
That's coming up Thursday.
So what does this football stadium photo have to do with romance and relationships?
Author Jack Myers has the answer.
And it has to do with the Super Bowl, I'm told.
So how does it actually shape our relationships to have...
Events like the Super Bowl.
Well, three years ago, all the commercials in the Super Bowl were targeted to men.
They were the beer commercials where the beautiful women were serving the men.
There was the Victoria's Secret commercials.
But then advertisers actually figured out that more women are watching the commercials during the game than men who are watching the game.
And they started targeting the commercials to women.
And this year, we had commercials that were mostly targeted to women.
So the men are saying, wait a second, what happened to me?
And that reflects what's happening in relationships as well.
Dr. Oz, we have a crisis in relationships today.
85% of the long-term heterosexual relationships that end are ended by the woman.
So how can women relate to men in this new world order to make a stronger relationship?
Understand that men, and especially young men, are confused and conflicted by the changes taking place in relationship.
So what women can do, wives, girlfriends, lovers, can take...
their man out for a date, but a walking, talking date.
Take him to a restaurant or a walk in the park.
Open up about your own feelings, but ask him to open up about his.
It may take time that you know men are not all that eager to share their feelings, but when it takes time and when they do share their feelings, listen with Without understanding, with compassion, without criticism or judgment, tell them that it's sexy when you open up about your, when you're emotionally open and when you share your feelings.
And, you know, maybe they'll be embarrassed at first, maybe they'll even be a little angry, but eventually they'll appreciate it and thank you for it.
And they'll watch Super Bowl commercials with you next time.
Exactly.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You can check out Jack's book, The Future of Men, if you really want to get inside the minds of men.
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