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Jan. 17, 2025 - Dr. Oz Podcast
42:47
HPV & Cancer Risk: 70% Rise in Head & Neck Cancer | Dr. Oz | S7 | Ep 132 | Full Episode
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Time Text
Sexually transmitted cancer.
60% of throat, tonsil, and tongue cancers are related to HPV. Can a simple kiss put you at risk?
That's a scary concept.
You may not even know you have it.
You can get a chronic sore throat, and you can have difficulty swallowing.
But most people have nothing.
See what you can do to protect yourself.
So a virus infection from 20 years ago could come back to haunt the relationship now.
Absolutely.
Coming up next.
It seems like every day we're hearing about more and more people being diagnosed with head and neck cancer.
What's startling is that the conclusion of a new study says that HPV, that's human papillomavirus, increases your risk of head and neck cancer, but listen to this carefully, at least 70%.
70% increase.
Now if you think the HPV virus is only for teens and 20-somethings to worry about, you're wrong.
Today, why experts say head and neck cancer will soon beat out cervical cancer as the most related, most common form of HPV-related cancer and disease.
And you're going to meet a woman who at age 52 was diagnosed with tonsil cancer linked to HPV. And if you're over age 26, you can't get the HPV vaccine, so what can you do today to protect yourself from this growing health concern?
But first...
You may think head and neck cancers are caused by smoking and drinking.
They used to be caused mostly by that.
But there's a sharp increase, a sharp rise in the number of cases now that reveals that HPV has become the number one cause of those cancers.
New research warns an epidemic of head and neck cancer could be coming, as one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases is linked to the cancers, causing a dramatic rise in cases.
HPV, the human papillomavirus, has long been associated with cervical cancer.
But the virus can also infect lining of the mouth, throat, tonsils, and tongue.
HPV grabbed headlines in 2013 when superstar Michael Douglas blamed the virus for his battle with oral cancer, claiming he'd contracted HPV from engaging in oral sex.
But while the rate of head and neck cancers linked to alcohol and tobacco use are decreasing, doctors are now concerned that those cancers caused by HPV, transmitted through oral sex, are going up.
Today, why this increase and what you can do about it.
Here's what we know right now.
According to the CDC, 60% of throat, tonsil, and tongue cancers are related to HPV. The infection doesn't always present with symptoms.
It can be very, very subtle.
And women can get tested with a pap smear for cancer cells in the cervix.
But there is no screening for HPV in the head and neck.
Also remember that HPV is so common that most sexually active men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives.
So when I decided to take on this topic, I put out a call on social media to start a conversation, a discussion.
And the response, well, you can see it's been overwhelming.
I received thousands of questions from women, especially in their 30s and 40s and 50s, all concerned about this virus.
And I invited many of them to join the show today.
One of them is Lorinda.
Lorinda is a divorced mom with two kids.
Two years ago, she was diagnosed with tonsil cancer.
And her doctor said her cancer was a direct link, direct to HPV. It all started when I found a small lump on my right gland.
It came out of nowhere and I didn't know what it was.
I waited a week and went to the doctors and he didn't seem overly concerned about it.
Thought it might be just something viral and to let it, you know, wait about another week and we'll see, you know, if it goes away.
So when it was still there, I set up an appointment for me to have a CAT scan and see an ear, nose, throat specialist.
And at that time is when they did see something they thought looked suspicious, so decided to do a biopsy on it, and the biopsy came back positive, that it was stage 3 tonsil cancer.
I was shocked.
What was even more surprising was that the doctor told me that it came from the HPV virus.
I felt like my life changed in that moment.
Lorinda is here.
So before you got sick, let's all go back to the same place.
You're 52 years old.
You're divorced.
Got some kids.
Everything's going fine.
Did you ever think in the back of your mind, anywhere in your mind, you'd have to worry about HPV? I never really was aware of it at all.
I never heard of it as far as an oral cancer.
Never heard of it.
And when you found out from your doctor that you had tonsil cancer, did you find out what it was probably caused by?
Well, it was, they said sexually transmitted, I guess it would be, you know, oral cancer.
So, I would have thought when you heard that, you'd probably process this in different ways, but there's a stigma associated with any kind of sexually transmitted illness, even cancer.
Was there, were you embarrassed?
Did you wonder how this happened?
I didn't really feel an embarrassment about it.
But I think it's something that you definitely have to be really aware of.
I'm glad you didn't, because I think a lot of us haven't talked about this, which is why I'm so passionate about today's show.
We tend to look at those issues as someone else's problems, but when you realize that almost all of us, if we're sexually active, will have these viruses at some point in our lives, it's hard to run from it.
So I'm going to speak openly with your help, and we have brought some experts in to everybody.
About an epidemic that we're starting to see caused by these viruses.
So if it's okay, let me show everybody what your tumor looked like.
So Lorinda had a PET scan done.
And this is what a PET scan looks like in the neck area.
You notice, by the way, up here, that's the brain, obviously.
And all this area is nice and bright and yellow because there's a lot of blood going to Lorinda's brain.
You must be really smart.
Lots of stuff happening there.
Tumors grow rapidly, and they need blood supply to grow.
So notice what else has a lot of blood supply here.
Do you see this?
You all see that?
That's the tumor in the tonsil.
It's the back of the throat there.
So, Linda, what were your symptoms when they identified this?
Well, I had been feeling perfectly fine, and other than I had a gland just kind of pop up overnight.
I just happened to notice, you know, a little lump on my neck, and went and had it checked out, and the doctor thought maybe something viral, wait like a week or so, went back, it was still there, and we followed up with...
You know, an ENT, and that's when I get the diagnosis that it was cancer.
So you had a lump.
Did you have any difficulty swallowing?
No, I didn't have any other symptoms.
No sore throats?
No, no.
Just a lump.
Remember the story.
Lump in the neck, no symptoms, right?
Pretty common.
You can get a chronic sore throat, and you can have difficulty swallowing.
But most people have nothing.
Right.
I'm glad you haven't noticed it back there.
Right, right.
Yeah, so that led to, you know, when I found out, it was really overwhelming and shocking to hear that this was cancerous.
And that led to having to get a feeding tube, and in two months go through 40 intense radiation treatments, six rounds of chemo weekly, simultaneously, with very intense, grueling treatment.
So it's not anything to take lightly.
It's something for people to really be aware of.
And how you doing now?
And now I am cancer-free.
I am two years and two months out, and my prognosis is at 90-95% of non-reoccurrence right now, and at three years, I think it's about 98%.
So it is, you know, something that you can survive, but rather not go through if you don't have to.
If I give you the floor right now, someone who's been through this, what do you want every woman in America to know about HPV and the cancers that come from it?
Oh, I think it's something that you have to really be aware of your body and don't let things go.
If you see, you know, a sore throat that's not going away or any kind of lump or anything like that, you know, get it checked out right away.
You know, I'm sure anything that's caught early, you know, has a better success rate and treatment and just really be aware of your body.
Listen to your body.
Don't wait.
Get things checked out.
Thanks for sharing your story.
When we come back, here's the big question.
How does HPV get passed?
For example, can kissing...
Pass HPV along.
I want you to meet a doctor who says it is possible.
Stay with us.
Coming up next, can HPV be transmitted more easily than we thought?
Could you be at risk from just a kiss?
Plus, can HPV show itself after 10, 20, or even 30 years?
Reinvestigate the possibilities.
Coming up next.
Dr. Oz, nominated for six daytime Emmys, including Best Talk Show Host.
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That's coming up tomorrow.
Today we're talking about the rise in sexually transmitted cancers.
Now I know most of you think HPV is linked to cervical or sometimes oral cancer, but there are four other cancers you need to look out for.
There's vulvar, penile, vaginal, and anal cancers.
And the majority of all these are HPV related.
And most of the time your first line of defense in HPV is your OBGYN. So I'm joined now by Dr. Evelyn Minaya and OBGYN and one of my core team members.
I also asked Dr. Burt O'Malley Jr. to join us, the world expert in head and neck cancer.
He says he has seen an increase in HPV-related cancer.
So, Dr. McKnight, what are you seeing in your practice?
I can't even tell you how many people.
It's like every other person has HPV. And, you know, there's a lot of...
Changes in terms of protocol, how often you should get screened and things like that.
I am old school.
I say to you, one patient is one too many.
I screen my patients every year for a pap smear.
And I also, if it's indicated, do an HPV culture, which is everyone after the age of 30. How do you deal with the stigma that's associated with a sexually transmitted illness?
Yes.
In this case, HPV causing cancer.
I mean, people, obviously, they don't want to die cancer, but they don't really want to talk about the fact that they may have gotten an infection.
Right.
Right.
That's a very, very hard thing, and it's kind of tricky.
I always tell them the same thing.
The only thing that you're really guilty of is falling in love, okay?
However, you always have to protect yourself in every single way.
So using a condom, like I always say, no glove, no love, you know?
Using a condom at all times does really reduce that transmission of HPV. I can't even stress that enough.
It's your temple.
Protect it.
I'm going to come back to this, because...
We're obviously learning that HPV can get in different parts of your body.
Yes.
Where it's not always as easy to, what was it, no glove, no love?
Yes, no glove, no love.
It's not always as easy in all places.
That's right.
Dr. O'Malley, you're an expert in this area.
You take care of people with oral cancer, tonsil cancer, like Lurinda had.
These used to be linked to alcohol when I was in med school.
It was alcohol and cigarettes, right?
So what's changed?
It's the HPV virus that's changed.
Ten years ago, the majority of my practice in head and neck cancer was heavy smokers, heavy drakers.
Today, the majority of my practice in head and neck cancer are those who have been exposed to HPV and whose cancer is staying positive for that virus.
So, you're all clear now.
There's a virus we get sexually that's causing a lot of different cancers.
We're all there, right?
Let's go past the science into the sort of embarrassing topics that hold us back from getting treated.
First big embarrassing topic.
I'm a female.
I've been married 15, 20 years.
I get HPV. Now, most women, my wife, I'm confident, would think that I had cheated.
And there's nothing I can say to convince her otherwise.
Would she be right?
No, she would not be right.
That virus can stay in your body for a very, very long period of time.
And I'm talking about decades.
So it's not always that you're going to nail them now.
Oh, I knew it.
No, you didn't know anything.
Okay?
It is a very, very hard thing.
To really explain to my patients.
However, like I always say, when you are in a committed relationship, you've accepted that person for not only my past, but my husband's past or your significant other's past.
You live in the present and you look forward to your future because it is what it is.
So a virus infection from 20 years ago could come back to haunt the relationship now?
Absolutely.
Dr. O'Malley, let's talk about different ways where we can get oral cancer.
So there's the sort of obvious way you can get virus into your oral pharynx somewhere.
How about oral sex?
That's the major way, I gather.
What about things like kissing?
So, you know, that's a scary concept.
But the answer is yes, it's possible.
It's possible that kissing could lead to HPV virus transfer from one person to another.
That is correct.
Well, how about sharing a cup of water?
Theoretically, yes.
Yes.
Wow.
Whoa.
No, I don't want to stop any of those practices.
Right.
I don't think it's going to happen.
Okay, good.
So we're safe.
But yeah, that's the reality of what's out there.
All right.
So now that we know that this is actually a bit more of a concern than we originally thought, when we come back, I'm going to tell you what you can do about it so you don't become a statistic.
Stay here.
Next, our experts stick around to answer all your questions about HPV and the link to I've been married 20 years.
Can we still pass this along?
Are there tests to detect the virus early?
And is the HPV vaccine right for you?
We'll find out next. We'll find out next.
It could lead to oral cancer.
So, is it really that...
The audience is throwing away their glasses of water now as we speak.
Okay, so here's the reality.
I didn't want to leave you hanging as the first reality.
The second reality is, yes, it's possible.
Okay, viruses are known to be transmitted through bodily fluids.
So yeah, if you're sharing bodily fluids in all various manners, then maybe it doesn't really matter.
But depending on certain people who are more cautious and they have the means of being more cautious, heck, it's possible, and why do it?
So let's talk about depressed knuckles, about what you do about oral sex, when you know it could actually give you a virus, just like regular sex gives you cervical cancer, oral cancer.
So what is a woman to do?
I feel like I'm Debbie Downer.
You cannot kiss.
You cannot have oral sex.
You cannot have sex at all.
I believe that there are certain things that you can do to protect yourself.
You can always use a regular condom without a spermicide because it does taste nasty.
You can use it to have oral sex.
Or there are dental dams.
You can look it up online.
They're very hard to come by.
It's a pain.
But, again, it's almost like a thin layer of protection between the mouth and...
That sounds like a horror show.
I know.
It does.
It does.
And you know what?
Look, can we prevent every single thing in this world?
Probably not.
But be cognizant of it.
Go to your doctor.
Get screened.
Go to your dentist.
Go to your dentist.
Get screened.
That's the most important thing.
And then, you know, that'll add to your relationship instead of subtracting it and living in fear.
So let me ask the audience.
Hands up if you're concerned about what you've heard today about oral cancer related to oral sex and safe sex.
Let me hear your thoughts up here.
I'm good, thank you.
How are you?
Good.
So it is a bit concerning.
Yeah.
I just think it's best to maybe stay away and wait until I'm in a relationship.
It's something I didn't really think about before and kind of...
Because our culture nowadays is just kind of go for it, like live, be in the moment, and you kind of don't think about the consequences.
And I'm going to make a little note for that one.
Especially young people.
And I'm talking about 14. 15, 16, all of us have a responsibility as a parent.
Have open and honest conversations with your kids, okay?
And they think that, you know, I'm sure you've heard about the little bracelets, the rainbow bracelets, if you have oral sex and things like that.
And also, drinking and smoking also happens, which in the past, as Dr. O'Malley has said, it does increase your risk, but they're already starting at 14. Why is it so difficult to broach this conversation?
You've been nodding your head back and forth.
Well, I've been married 20 years, and I'm thinking I'm in a committed relationship, but we share water, we're together, but can we still pass this along?
So here's the thing on that one.
The answer to that is no.
Most likely no.
Our exposure to HPV occurs, as Evelyn was saying, At the teenage years, in the 20s, during this time of a lot of freedom, multiple partners, lack of protection, other aspects.
The virus is typically cleared from your body, at least in the head and neck region, after a year to two years.
So now that you're in this committed relationship, go for it.
Absolutely.
So let me ask a question from the other side of the aisle.
What about men?
The men get the virus more or less often women, and is it a growing health trend for us as well?
So here's what we're seeing.
The amount of people showing up in our office who have HPV-related head and neck cancer is about 70% men and 30% women.
Oh, it's mostly men.
So it's mostly men, yes.
But how are men getting more virus in their throat?
You know, HPV is transmitted through sexual contact, through intimacy, who knows, through the drinking water after someone.
So maybe men drink a lot more water after people.
I'm going to use that line from now on.
Exactly.
It was the water, honey.
Let's talk about the vaccine.
It's not available after you're 26. Explain to everybody why that is.
It's because of the studies that we have done, your immune system doesn't work as well, and so there's no benefit shown by you getting a vaccine after the age of 26 that it will protect you against the HPV virus.
Theoretically, and our recommendation from the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology and the American Pediatric Society is really to vaccinate everyone before sexual activity, usually at the age of 11. Okay?
And it goes up to the 26. Even if you have had sexual activity, it does not matter.
You're still eligible to get your vaccine.
It's not going to protect you as much.
And that goes for men.
But I'd like to jump in, too, on that.
And I'm not a vaccine expert, but I strongly believe and advocate it.
Because in head and neck cancer, there is no pap smear for oral cancer, tongue cancer, and tonsil cancer.
We don't have any sign, except when typically it shows up already as a lump in the neck, and that's a spread of the cancer.
It's already advanced.
So the thing we can do for prevention...
We believe is get these vaccines, men and women.
Thank you very, very much.
We'll get you a glass of water, Dr. O'Malley.
We talked about a taboo topic, and it's time to end the embarrassment.
Stop being silent about one of the most common sexually transmitted viruses in this country.
As you've heard, HPV is not just a big-time cause of cervical cancer, but it's causing head and neck.
We don't have a pap smear.
We don't have a solution.
So drop the stigma.
We're putting everything you need to know about HPV on a fact sheet.
It's going to be on DrRiles.com.
I want you to pull it down and share it.
That way you'll save a life.
We'll be right back.
Coming up next, spending your days brooding about the past and worrying about the future?
You might be missing out on the chance to experience the present.
Balance expert Rob Bell offers great tips to live in the moment and make the most out of your life.
Next.
Zero calorie foods.
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Guilt-free?
It's the opposite of what you want.
We break it all down.
Plus, Leah Remedy.
You're gonna make me cry.
What you haven't heard about the Scientology scandal.
If Tom Cruise watches this interview, what would you say to him?
Next Oz.
That's coming up tomorrow.
I have dedicated much of this season to helping you find balance at home, at work, with your family and your friends.
And in doing this series, a common theme has emerged.
You're busy.
You spend your days brooding about the past or you're worrying about the future.
And you miss your chance to experience what it's like to be in the presence, in the now.
Today, my balance expert, Rob Bell, reveals how the happiest and most balanced life is always lived in the moment.
He's been called the Evangelical It Boy.
And the hipster pastor.
He's been profiled in The New Yorker and in Time, which named him one of the world's 100 most influential people.
Rob Bell founded his own megachurch at the tender age of 28 and led it for 12 years.
He left after publishing Love Wins, a controversial bestseller that declared hell does not exist.
Let's be honest.
What you look for, you will find in this world.
Since then, Bell has been a renegade on the forefront of a movement that takes a practical and positive approach to spirituality.
What do you know for sure?
That you can say yes to this moment and experience a joy that can't be put into words.
That is actually possible.
Rob's message appeals to Oprah Winfrey, who's hosted Bell on her Super Soul Sunday and the Life You Want Tour.
Today, Rob Bell joins us with insights that can help you transform your life, fulfill your potential, even find your true calling.
Rob Bell is back!
Welcome, my friend.
So let's talk about being in the present.
It's easily said.
It's hard to do.
But you think it is absolutely critical if we're going to transform our lives, if we're going to show up in our own lives.
Yeah, and I think it's almost like a disease of the modern era is people are busier than ever, but that's different than feeling like you're actually living here.
Regret is when you're stuck in the past.
Worry and anxiety are when you're stuck in the future.
But when you're here, like it's that thing when you're with your friends and you say something like, This is what it's all about.
Being on the Dr. Oz show, this is what it's all about.
Just being here in this moment.
So you actually were catalyzed a little bit in this area by an injury.
You had a concussion.
Water skiing.
I don't know how you did that because the water I thought would...
Right.
Who gets a head injury on water?
Anyway, you managed to do that.
And what happened?
How did that change your life?
I was doing backflips.
Get out of here.
Yeah, multiple backflips.
I kept hitting the back of my head.
And finally, I got in the boat.
And my friend, apparently, I wasn't making sense.
I don't remember any of it.
My friend was like, what day of the week is it?
I was like, I literally have no idea.
And they knew something was up.
So they took me to the hospital.
I'd had like a concussion, a closed head injury.
And so they took me home.
And the most extraordinary thing happened.
I went back to my house.
But it was all like I was seeing it for the first time.
So literally asking my wife, like, what's my job?
And they brought my boys.
My boys were a newborn and two years old at that time.
They brought my boys in the room.
I was like, no way.
These are ours.
Some people are like, that's why people do drugs.
You know what I mean?
But it was like this experience of, wait, there's this extraordinary gift.
Of this moment, and I'm returning emails and checking my phone and stressed about this thing that might or might not happen in nine days from now, when life is this extraordinary gift right here, right now.
And it sort of changed me at some deep level.
Like, I have to think about life in a whole new way.
So Rob's written some great books, several bestsellers.
The most recent one is called How to Be Here, appropriately titled for today's show.
It offers great tips for learning to live in the moment and bring joy and satisfaction into your life.
You make a very beautiful argument in the book that we need to all do a you experiment.
Yeah.
We've got a wonderful audience we always do every day who are interested in this you experiment.
I am as well.
So please take us through it.
Yeah.
You.
You, you, you.
You're like a new phenomenon in the history of the universe.
No one has lived with your particular challenges, obstacles, people who perhaps have criticized you or spoken against you, gifts and talents you don't think you have.
No one has ever lived your life with its potential, with its promise, with all the possibilities that could unfold.
So, here's what I want you to do for a moment.
All the things that you're beating yourself up about because you didn't do it right the first time, everybody just let that go.
Are you with me?
Yes.
Where did we get this idea that you're supposed to nail it on the first try?
Are you with me?
Where did we get this idea that you would walk through life?
And every step you take would be perfect.
And by the way, when you meet people who are like, I'm kind of awesome.
Everything I tried was good.
I keep winning.
You don't like these people.
You don't even want to be like them.
So what I keep discovering is how many people have this running dialogue in their head of all of the things they did wrong.
And I come out of a pastor tradition, so we talk about grace.
It all begins with extending yourself grace, so you might as well enjoy what you're doing.
Okay, so when we come back, we're going to meet a woman who is looking for strength to bring positive changes into her life.
Stay with us.
Next, for anyone who feels their life is stuck, Rob Bell shares his insights on the emotional roadblocks stopping us from being truly present.
Find out how to overcome them and the rules we can all live by to be in the here and now.
That's next.
We are bringing a healthy back this season and want you to bring it too.
Grab your prescription pad for fun and sign up for free tickets today.
You can go to dros.com slash tickets and sign up.
Did I get it right?
We're back with Rob Bell.
I want you to meet Lorraine, who is looking to be more present in her life.
I never thought my life would end up this way.
I never thought that I'd be back at my parents' house at 40-something.
My kids not being with their father.
Never.
When I was little, being a great mom was my number one dream for my life.
I didn't ever want to get divorced.
I was always taught, when you get married, you stay married.
Happiness isn't part of it.
You just do what you're supposed to do.
And it got to a point I couldn't do that anymore.
It's almost six years that I've been divorced.
I always wonder what could I have done differently to change my life for me and my kids.
I spend a lot of time looking back.
I wonder what I could have fixed.
What could I fix?
How could I do it better?
When I was in high school, I wanted to be a singer.
And I was not popular.
And I believed everything they told me.
And I let them ruin my dreams.
I was told I was fat.
I became fat.
It wasn't good enough.
I believed all of it.
I want to be able to show my kids how to be happy.
I want to live by example, and I'm not doing that right now.
I'm hoping that Dr. Oz and Rob Bell will be able to show me the steps that I need to take to make a better life for me and my kids.
I know I can, I just don't know how.
Hard to watch her sometimes, isn't it, Lorraine?
Really?
Really hard to watch.
Why do you think you're stuck in a place that makes you so unhappy?
Just everything that's happened to me.
I just feel like everything happens to me and I don't know how to take that step to do better.
I think it's the how that I struggle with.
You look very scared.
I want you to be here to help.
Thank you.
Rob, you're good at this.
How would you help Lorraine?
Lorraine, tell me about your kids.
My daughter, Becca, is 9 and my son, Stevie Ray, is 14. Stevie Ray?
Yeah.
Nice.
You've got the singing in eventually.
Yeah, exactly.
They are my whole world.
And I'm with them all the time because their father lives in Nevada.
So we're together all the time.
Okay, in the video you said that being a mom was like your dream.
It was.
It still is.
And you love your kids.
I do.
And they love you.
Yeah.
So that's kind of awesome.
It is.
I just don't feel like I'm giving them what they deserve.
Okay, so you have...
I never wanted a happy mom.
So, let's start there.
Because if you make two columns, like all the things I don't have and all the things I do have, if you live with the sort of, look at all that I don't have, the problem when you're looking at that column is you're not looking at what you do have.
Right.
I believe that what we do is we create our life.
And you set out to make a life.
And you took a bunch of risks.
You had kids, which is risky, which every parent will agree is a risk.
You got married, which is a risk.
But taking risks means you're alive.
Right.
And taking risks means you're walking down your path.
And some of those risks go well, and some of those don't go so well.
Right.
Part of it is, can we acknowledge you tried that, the marriage didn't work, and it's okay.
It's okay.
That's my kids.
It's okay.
Your kids are watching you.
They're gonna take risks in life.
I hope so.
You know what I mean?
But if you, because a risk didn't go well, shut down and stop living, You're teaching your kids something about the nature of life.
Are you with me?
Yeah.
So what do your kids need to see from you the most?
That I'm trying.
That you keep doing.
Yes.
I had Yoda in my head.
I'm sorry.
So at some level, what happens when we try something that doesn't go well is everything within us wants to shut down.
Like, why risk if life is going to crush us like that?
You know what I'm talking about?
Right.
I mean, I've had these moments when everything within me wants to shrink back.
Yeah.
And yet it's exactly in those moments when we need to step forward.
So the question is, is there something, is there some vision of life?
Is there some step?
Is there something that you would like to try?
I have been making small changes recently.
I started a position a couple of months ago that I absolutely love.
I love the company.
I love the product that I'm promoting.
And I've recently made some financial changes to up my business.
But I still feel, I hate the word, but stuck in the next step.
Where do I go from here?
Okay, so now I have all this product that I can share with people.
Who do I talk to?
How do I talk to them?
How?
It seems to be my biggest issue.
I just don't.
Yeah, yeah.
What if you plan an adventure with your kids?
It costs money.
Yeah, yeah.
What if you said to your kids, let's cook up some adventure together?
What is something you and your kids could do right now that you think that could never be possible?
Ever?
Or one of the simple things that my kids keep asking is, as you said, an adventure to Cape May of all places.
Okay.
But they just want to go and be at the tip of New Jersey and do all these things.
Okay, okay.
So Cape May?
We haven't done it.
Okay, so that could be a step.
Yeah.
Okay, so what do we do?
Do we write Cape May in big letters on the wall?
And then do you figure out how much it's going to cost?
That's how I have been doing it.
Okay.
You're smiling and laughing now.
Because it seems like...
So we might be onto something.
It seems like that's as far as it's gotten.
Yeah, we want to go to Cape May.
Okay.
So what would be the next step on that?
I don't know.
Okay.
I'll tell you what we're going to do.
I'm going to take a short break.
Okay.
When we come back, I want to continue.
And Rob's got some wisdom that will help you because you're asking all the right questions.
Yes.
You're focused on the right things.
But I love the fact that you're starting to source some smiles because you've got hope back in your heart.
Coming up, Rob's got three spiritual diseases that can stop us from living the life we want.
Lorraine, these are the problems that you're having as well.
What are they and could they be affecting you?
That's next.
Thank you.
Next, Rob shares the three things preventing us from living in the present.
Stop feeling helpless and defeated.
What do I want to create?
Where do I want to go?
The questions you need to ask yourself to start each day to live your happiest life.
Coming up next.
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Plus, Leah Rimini.
You're gonna make me cry.
What you haven't heard about the Scientology scandal.
If Tom Cruise watches this interview, what would you say to him?
Next Oz.
That's coming up tomorrow.
We are back with Rob Bell who is teaching us about the importance of being present And Lorraine, you started listing a bunch of things, and Rob was taking you through them.
And I must say, what I've always been passionate about, Rob, is your belief that it's about the first step.
Yeah.
And you're focused on step 12 already.
Sometimes, yes.
But give us a little bit of a pep talk on the importance of that first step.
Right, right, right.
I often meet people who are stuck.
But when they try to name the stuckness, it's like a giant overall life stuckness.
Almost like a black cloud that they can't get out from under.
My experience has been, you've got to take that giant cloud and try and name something so small and everyday that it almost sounds ridiculous.
Especially when you take that one little step.
And you hold it up next to this big giant cloud of despair, depression, stuckness, is it can be like, no, no, you don't understand.
That step, Cape May, that's not going to solve this big thing.
But that's actually how you get through a big cloud, is with a thousand tiny little steps.
So in some senses, what you have to do is take this little thing and like blow it up huge, because it's actually a huge thing.
Rob, help us with these three spiritual diseases that Rob says we are all suffering from that help us.
Yeah.
It seemingly help us, but they actually keep us stuck.
They don't let us live in the present.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I begin with this belief that we get to create our lives.
And even when heartache, even when things come our way that crush our spirit, things completely unexpected, like a divorce, the question still is, what am I going to create out of this?
Think about every woman you ever meet now who's been through a divorce.
You'll be able to look her in the eyes and say, me too.
Right.
There's actually tremendous healing that's going to come through you to others.
So boredom is essentially a spiritual disease because boredom says there's nothing interesting to make here.
And so it's almost like you have to go deep in your heart and rediscover, what do I want to make?
What do I want to create?
Where do I want to go?
And then cynicism is often what happens.
Cynicism presents itself like wisdom.
You know what I mean?
Like it's all wise.
Cynicism's like, oh, I know how things work.
That's stupid.
But it's really a wound.
We got hurt, and so we keep it at a distance because you can't be hurt by something that you hold at a distance.
And then despair, which, and I sensed maybe for you, despair is when you believe that tomorrow is just going to be a repeat of today.
Despair is a spiritual condition because it says, well, tomorrow's just going to be exactly like today.
And for you, I believe that tomorrow could be different.
I want it to be.
Which is a very dangerous idea.
There's this beautiful phrase, ikigai.
Yeah.
That you talk about.
It's a Japanese phrase.
Yeah.
I think it can help a lot of folks move away from despair and boredom.
And this falseness that surrounds us often, these false spiritual values.
You want to walk us through this?
Yeah, yeah.
We'll get up.
Yeah, this is actually a Japanese word, and it means reason for being.
Say a kigai with me.
A kigai.
And a kigai is essentially that, they say, which gets you up in the morning.
And essentially...
It's like when you get up in the morning, the sense you have of anticipation, I wonder what today is going to bring.
So essentially we live in this world that tells us if you just had the right car, you just had enough money, you're just wearing the right clothes, then you'd be happy.
But the truth is what you really want, what we all really want, is to wake up in the morning and think, I get to live this day.
And that a key guy is essentially, it's who you're caring for.
It's your kids.
It's how you get a paycheck.
It's what you love.
Maybe there's some injustice in the world and something within you says somebody should do something about that, but you're the somebody.
Or it's a business that you're building or it's clients that you're getting to know.
It's this whole sort of web of your life.
But it's keeping right in front of your mind and your heart, what's going to get me up in the morning?
And what surprises are going to come today?
And what unexpected twists and turns is this day going to bring?
And especially the things that are going to blow up in my face.
How am I going to respond to even these things?
And that's, for me, a powerful way to think about your life.
So we're going to post this up on DrRoz.com where there are four questions here, Lorraine, that everyone can start to ask themselves.
What do you love?
What does the world need?
What can you be paid for?
Because you've got to be able to live.
And what are you good at?
And if you look at where these questions intersect, you'll find Ikigai in the middle.
Last more wisdom to come, the one word Rob says we all use that is holding us back.
Find out what that is.
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that's coming up on Monday back with best-selling author and teacher Rob Bell What is the one word, the one word that's holding us all back from living in the present, from being who we could be?
The word is just.
Just.
When you meet somebody who's like, I'm just a mom.
What?
Just a mom?
Yeah.
Or I'm just an insurance agent, or I'm just a cashier.
You're this unique phenomenon in the history of the universe, and you being you.
And doing your work and giving your gift to the world, we all desperately need.
And for so many people, the word just, it cuts you off from the depth, the dimension, the joy of your own life.
So give me a tactic that would help me not use the word just.
There's one that helps me, which is, it's almost like a mantra, like a phrase you repeat.
In any situation, there's more going on here.
So you're at work, and you have this co-worker who says, ah, that was a tough weekend.
And everything within you is like, oh, great, they're complaining about their weekend.
But if you begin with, there's more going on here.
And you say, why was it tough?
You have no idea.
They just might need to unburden themselves.
They might need somebody just to listen.
There might be this extraordinary moment.
When you're able to walk with them through some pain, through some suffering, and you would have just been like, oh, you had a tough weekend, huh, and walked away, but you say there's more going on here.
In every interaction, every conversation, throughout the day, there's way more going on here.
There's always more with you, Rob.
It's been a real pleasure.
My Blueprint for Balanced Scorecard, where you can actually try new behaviors and track your progress is on DrRoz.com.
And don't forget Rob's new book, How to Be Here.
And you know what?
Everyone in the audience is going home with a copy.
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