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May 13, 2024 - Dr. Oz Podcast
40:05
Charlie Sheen’s Ex Breaks Silence on HIV & Their Relationship | Dr. Oz | S7 | Ep 40 | Full Episode
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Time Text
His secret is out.
You've been called a sex addict.
Yeah.
You think you are?
Charlie Sheen announces he has HIV. Now, in an exclusive, his ex-girlfriend, who has had unprotected sex with him, speaks out.
You're a nurse, so you knew the risks.
The bombshell no one expected.
Coming up next.
Having sex with Charlie is like playing Russian roulette.
Were you worried at all having unprotected sex with him?
Charlie Sheen is one of the most successful actors in Hollywood.
He has spoken on this show in the past about his shortcomings and been open when it comes to his health.
Charlie confirmed his HIV diagnosis Tuesday on the Today Show.
I've spoken with him and he's relieved to have this announcement behind him ending weeks of gossip and speculation throughout the media.
For everyone to understand how this is affecting the people in his life.
Today we have an exclusive interview with one of the women who Charlie has admitted having unprotected sex with.
Amanda Bruce is joining me now.
Hi, Grace.
Hi, Amanda.
So, you're a nurse.
I am.
So, you knew the risks.
Yes, in fact, I did and that's exactly why I wasn't so afraid, just given the circumstances.
You know, HIV is obviously, there's a very big scare about it out there and I think it's just a lot of social stigma that came from back when there wasn't treatment for this and this was a death sentence.
Nowadays, it's more of a comorbidity if it's regulated properly with the right medication.
How did you and Charlie meet?
Charlie and I met through a mutual friend, Alex Jones.
And how long were you together?
Charlie and I dated, we weren't official the first few months, but I would say altogether about seven, eight months.
And how many times roughly did you and Charlie engage in intercourse?
You have enough time.
You have enough time.
I mean we were a boyfriend girlfriend for a long time so I was there every day and yeah I mean we were intimate.
We weren't initially obviously unprotected but we became unprotected when we decided to be exclusive and we had a conversation about that.
Describe that conversation if you don't mind.
I mean, it was more or less, actually it was me.
I'll take responsibility for that.
I think when you really love someone, you want to get close to them.
You know, that's something that you want to share.
So that was something that I wanted to share with him.
Did he push at all?
Was there any kind of a...
No, never.
And when you talk about HIV with Charlie, as a nurse, what kinds of points do you bring up?
We talked a lot about it.
He was very open with me initially about this.
I think that's an important thing to note.
We discussed it in length about actually him doing exactly what he's done, is to come out and just tell the public about it and raise awareness.
And as a nurse, I told him, you know, I don't mean to minimize what you're feeling, but it's really not It's not a death sentence these days.
You know, there are people with high blood pressure who, if they're not taking medication for high blood pressure, they're certainly going to have high blood pressure and then heart failure.
And then, right, so...
There are some watching now who are probably thinking having sex with Charlie Sheen is like playing Russian roulette.
Were you worried at all having unprotected sex with him?
I mean, if I had met him on one night and we had decided to engage in this, I'd say that's probably Russian roulette, as it would be with anyone in the world.
I think the real Russian roulette comes with, you know, not coming forward about conditions you have or having unprotected sex frequently with partners.
The reality is we had known each other for many months before we engaged in that, and we were a couple.
I was in love with him, you know, so.
I bet there are other nurses right now watching who would still believe that there's some risk having unprotected sex.
What was it about Charlie's condition that made you comfortable that you weren't taking a risk?
Well, Dr. Hayazenga and I actually are pretty close.
We teamed up together with him for Charlie for other reasons, health-related.
And, you know, I had seen the results myself.
Results of?
Of Charlie's testing.
HIV testing.
Being undetectable, correct.
And furthermore, there's medication that she can also take to help prevent the transmission of that, even though the risk is minimal in and of itself without.
Are you taking those medications to prevent the transmission?
I was, yes.
I was.
This is a deeply personal issue.
It is.
Why did you decide to speak up about it?
Well, for one, for Charlie, I think it's important.
But it's just so much bigger than that.
You know, I think that this is something that people don't want to talk about.
And it's not as scary if you talk about it and bring it to life, make it a reality.
This is some people's reality.
Some people live in a hole of, you know, being scared and fearful of society's judgment.
And so, their lives are deeply affected by this.
And it doesn't have to be that way.
It doesn't have to be that way.
So, what's Charlie like to you?
He's quite a character.
He's an amazing fella.
He really is.
There are a lot of things that you won't see in the media.
He's just very charismatic.
A true gentleman.
He's just a very honest person.
I think that's what really drew me into him.
He's just honest.
You might not like what he says, but it's honest.
So this charismatic, honest man at some point has to tell you that he has HIV. Yes.
Take me back to that moment.
Oh, I might get emotional on this one.
I was actually leaving.
I had been at his house for the weekends and I had somewhere to go and he looked down, you know, we were in his bathroom and he just started to cry and he told me everything about it and when he was diagnosed and how long ago that was and It was really hard for him to have to say that.
I think there's a lot of shame in that when there doesn't have to be.
So it was a pretty special moment between he and I actually.
We cried together and it was sweet.
And what did you feel after you parted about what he told you?
Compassion, understanding, empathy, all the things I think every human being should feel for someone.
Whether it's cancer, whether it's HIV, whether it's a vet in the war who lost half of his limb.
People are people.
We're all subject to these things.
I just, you know, we don't have the pity card for things that people feel we bring on ourselves.
HIV is one of them, right?
Because it usually involves risk-taking behaviors versus a cancer that just kind of spontaneously happens.
Oh, that's so a shame.
So, that's what I felt.
When you took a risk, what if you were to develop HIV? That would be on me, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
And look, hey, there's nothing foolproof about what transpired between us, but I think I would like to make it clear that I'm not going to live in a hole either.
I mean, I hadn't had a boyfriend in three years that I was serious with.
He was that guy and I wanted to share that with him.
There was always going to be a little bit of a risk, but...
I guess being a nurse, maybe it gives me the confidence required.
So, emotionally, what went on when you both realized HIV was a part of the relationship?
The fear he may have had having it, giving it to you, the fear you may have had possibly getting it from him?
Sure.
You know, he always looks out.
He does really look out for other people.
We didn't really have a scare because I wasn't really afraid, and he was actually more, are you okay?
I said, yeah, I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
Dr. Hyazenga was monitoring me, obviously, because confidentiality was an issue for any person, but you can imagine for Charlie Sheen, very much an issue.
So I was being seen by Dr. Hyazenga and monitored regularly, as was Charlie, and we were okay.
Emotionally, totally fine.
Are you still dating Charlie?
No, we're not dating, but we are close.
We're close.
Let me ask you more directly, are you still having sex with Charlie?
No, we are not.
No.
And was that related to the HIV at all?
Not at all, no.
Charlie's a wonderful person and I have the most amazing, incredible memories with him.
I can say that he's probably taught me more about myself than anyone I've ever been with in his own way.
And so, you know, sometimes people aren't meant to last forever, you know?
So I think that our time ran and What did he teach you about you?
He taught me to have more compassion and love for my parents.
For your parents?
My parents and I have grown very close since my relationship with Charlie.
My mother and father would attest to that.
So it's been wonderful.
And were they aware you were having unprotected sex?
Well, it's not really a conversation I choose to have with my parents.
Probably not.
Yeah, I don't think that's really everyone's business that one would wonder why I'm here telling you my business.
But I had to do this for Charlie.
I'm actually not asking about the motivation.
More about how you'd break the news to people who care deeply about you.
That you love someone enough that you're willing to take, even if it's a very small risk, to be with them.
Honestly, I don't think that would be anyone's business.
I mean, if this wasn't the situation, it would be between he and I. That's his business, and it's unfortunate that there are some people who did trust with that information that led to some really awful things, really awful things for him.
So, I would never, ever share that information.
It's not mine to share.
No.
But because you're brave enough to speak out about this issue, people that you know are going to be asking these questions.
Oh, they already are.
Yeah, they already are.
And, you know, I'm candid and upfront about it.
You know, there are some people who, you know, maybe we're concerned, boyfriends of the past or what have you.
And, you know, ultimately, I can't disclose someone else's diagnosis, especially of this nature.
You just can't.
You can't.
Have you been tested for HIV? Yes.
You don't have to disclose the result if you don't want to.
It's negative.
It's negative?
Yes.
Tested throughout and tested recently, yes.
I want to bring in Charlie's doctor who advised you as well.
I'll be back with him in a moment.
Coming up next, Charlie's personal doctor is here.
In a candid interview, he shares his biggest fears for Charlie.
Who worried, Dr. Huizenga, that Charlie might not follow the regimen that you know works for him?
It's been a shock.
I've worried.
Coming up.
Omega-3 Fortified Foods.
They're being added to just about every food in the grocery store.
Not all Omega-3s are created equal.
Are they worth your money?
We put them to the test.
All new Oz.
That's coming up tomorrow.
We're talking about Charlie Sheen, who announced he has HIV yesterday.
I'm back with Amanda Bruce.
She is one of Charlie's former girlfriends who he admits to knowingly having unprotected sex with.
I also want to bring in Charlie's doctor, Dr. Robert Huizinga.
All right, so he spoke to me about you in some detail and is very appreciative of the care that he has received from you.
How were you confident that Amanda would be safe from getting HIV? Well, we know there are studies that show literally a thousand discordant couples where one partner has HIV, the other doesn't.
And they had relationships for long periods of time when the individual is taking strong antiretroviral therapy and they were using condoms appropriately.
And so we know from that study that it's very, very difficult to get it when condoms are used appropriately.
People don't use condoms that well, we know, and people often don't comply to their pills.
So when this new prophylaxis medication came out, Truvada, that offered additional protection, then we actually called in other infectious disease doctors, because I wasn't just on my part, I didn't want to be biased since I was a doctor for her boyfriend, we called in other doctors and they felt The risk of transmission if she took the prophylaxis and he had undetectable levels was minuscule.
We can't say zero.
And so basically I think my advice to her was don't do it, but the risk is minuscule.
And she elected to then go forward because she felt so close and wanted that level of intimacy.
Why did you say she shouldn't do it?
Well, I guess I'm a very conservative doctor, and I like the risk to be zero.
It may be zero, but the studies right now can't tell me that.
And so I want to, you know, I don't want her to even have a minuscule risk, but I did want her to understand what those risks were, and she was willing to take those risks.
Let's talk about Charlie's condition, if we can.
Please explain to everybody what it means to have a very low virus load.
Well, when he was first diagnosed, he had...
4.4 million virons per cc in his blood.
A massive number of active, replicating viruses.
Within an incredibly brief period of time, when he took his four antiretrovirals, that level came down to undetectable.
That doesn't mean zero, but it means so low that with our top technology, with PCR looking for bits of viruses, we could detect none in his blood.
We know from studies that people that are that low have an incredibly low, if at all, chance of progressing from having the virus to getting the AIDS disease.
Or we also know their chance of passing it to other individuals is incredibly low.
So two years ago when Charlie was on this show, I asked him about his drug abuse, his alcohol abuse, his sexual addiction.
And I wanted to know how it would impact his health.
So I want you to hear what he said.
And that's why I want to do this conversation.
Good.
And help not just you, but lots of folks who struggle.
We all do.
Sure.
The things you've done in your life have taken a toll on your health, I would think.
Sure, of course they have to.
I've got good genes, thank God.
You have good genes.
What kind of an impact has it had on your health, despite your good genes?
I don't get sick that often.
I require very little sleep.
I just stopped believing in fatigue, excuses, and failure.
Just took them off the table.
Seriously.
And so I wasn't victimized by them.
You know, and there's a lot of days that, like I said, I was underwater behind the eight ball.
You've been called a sex addict.
Yeah.
Do you think you are?
I'm sure.
I mean, I don't know the definition of it.
I mean, this may be a little crass.
I apologize.
I have a tour bus that I use as a dressing room.
I've had sex in it in 14 years three times.
What's the math on that?
So, meaning that I'm not at work like, hey, we're waiting for you and I'm in there sweating.
I'm not that guy.
Seriously.
Probably have to cut this part out, right?
No.
I don't think anything's getting cut out.
We like this part, right?
Yeah.
I'm going here because this is one of the things I hear so much from our viewers, again, when we talk about these themes.
I mean, they hear about Charlie and the womanizing.
And I think to myself, again, put my doctor hat on.
Sure.
I mean, how do you protect yourself?
If you're being with different women, and you sense that you need that connection, that physical connection, to find emotional intimacy, well then, you know, you do things that maybe you shouldn't.
Sure.
Yeah, I'm very careful though.
Like, how are you careful?
With protection.
You are?
Not just for disease, but for more children, yeah.
I got five.
It's a whole basketball team.
Do you have a medical doctor?
I do, yeah.
Do you take his advice?
Absolutely, yeah.
Not all the time, but about 80% of it.
That's pretty good.
This is the most important part of understanding you, in my opinion.
Okay.
Because you obviously love these kids.
Yeah, I do.
And the people in your life.
Yeah.
And yet, you're not setting the best example for them at some point, sometimes.
Right, yeah.
I mean, how do you reconcile the partying With being a role model, which is what most of us as dads want to be able to offer.
You can't.
You can't without denial and without a ton of self-loathing and shame and excuses and nonsense and things that are not part of my code.
I have a code.
You know, my code is about nobility, responsibility, you know, like I said, ownership of one's wrongdoings.
And it's just when I violate my code, it's like there's a hiccup in my soul and I can feel it.
That's Charlie.
That's our guy.
That's Charlie.
Now when we did the interview, he knew his diagnosis.
That is correct.
He knew he had HIV. And we spoke about issues that would make any doctor worried about compliance.
That's the word we use to try to figure out if you're going to take your pills at the right time, you're going to follow your regimen.
Things like smoking cigarettes and drinking too much alcohol, drugs, these are things that worry us a lot.
Do you worry, Dr. Huizenga, that Charlie might not follow the regimen that you know works for him because of all these other flaws that he acknowledges he has?
Well I've been petrified because we know that the medicine works incredibly well when it's taken and we know when it doesn't we can be in for huge problems and so I've always told Charlie your problem is the substance abuse.
HIV we've got taken care of.
That's not going to impact your life if we can take the pills and magically Through some help by Amanda and other individuals, he has managed to take those pills faithfully for the last four years, and it's been a shock.
I've worried, but he has totally maintained it through some of the crazy moments in his life, which, you know, is near miraculous.
I was just going to interject and resonate with that, that I was there almost every day and every morning.
It didn't matter what kind of night he had the night before or what was going on in Charlie's life.
He would take his meds and he really was proactive about his health, which to Dr. Hyazinke and I was kind of puzzling in a way, right?
In a good way, but...
Taking care of his health in what way?
Just constantly, you know, going to the doctor, getting blood work drawn, you know, just really staying on top of his health.
Charlie is incredibly intelligent.
Like, he's a genius in certain parts of his brain.
I just sit and listen to how he uses language and things, and he's incredibly knowledgeable and interested in his health in certain areas.
And then he does things, and it's part of an addict, where how can an intelligent person make that decision?
And that's That's something that sometimes I didn't understand, but that's what we're working on.
And I am so hopeful that by taking these chains off, this is going to be an important part in keeping him to continue to be drug-free and eventually sober and to change his life and to be able to express his genius without the detriment of some of these substances.
What impact on his health do you think This coming forward will have, this openness, this truth.
I'm incredibly optimistic that this is going to release this incredible deep Just self-loathing and depression and need to abuse substances and he's been in a really dark place for a lot of the times and just that scarlet letter H on his chest, it's been really hard for him to reconcile and I can understand it and I'm really hopeful that this revelation is going to really be incredibly helpful to his mental health.
I want to applaud your honesty.
I want to highlight also that Charlie specifically asked that we speak with you and that you tell the absolute truth, which again, I think underlines the kind of person he can be at his best.
So without that, I would be uncomfortable having this discussion.
It is, to me, a momentous opportunity for Charlie.
Amanda, do you think he's a changed man?
Changed in what way?
Change in that self-loathing, the darkness that so often captures his soul.
I think that when I saw him this morning before his interview on the Today Show, he was, you know, rightfully so, a little bit nervous, but...
I made a suggestion to him when we started to date to come out about this.
I mean, he's Charlie.
He's the man.
People love Charlie.
They really do.
And yes, I think he's going to be in a much better place.
Why do you think he didn't take that advice you gave to come forward and talk about it when you first started dating?
He, I think, was very concerned about his children, his reputation, his career, people's opinions of him.
You know, he didn't want to be put in that place.
He didn't want to be labeled as that guy.
In a sense, he's the, how would you put it, just this fearless guy who nothing gets him down.
I don't think he wanted it to be perceived that way.
And why did he decide now, this moment, to come forward?
I think he had had enough.
He had enough of the people that he trusted to withhold his confidentiality, which unfortunately there's no law for that other than our medical profession.
And I think he just had enough.
I think he just got tired.
I'm really excited because I see a little spark in his eye again.
He's getting the passion back because I am so optimistic that he can literally, by his revelation, cure, save more people by this action than I could ever do in my lifetime as a medical profession.
And I know Amanda and I want to be beside when he uses that Charlie genius, how he connects peoples and things and ideas to go after the, you know, maybe 60% of the 1.2 million people in this country that are untreated.
I mean, that's unconscionable.
700,000 people walking around not treated.
They're the ones that are going to spread the disease.
20% Not even knowing they have the disease.
And that results in, in this country, 50,000 new diagnoses of HIV every year and 18,000 deaths.
That's unconscionable.
And I believe Charlie is going to use his genius to address that problem, which is just so stark and so shocking and so sad.
I want to thank you both for being here, for being very honest in your comments, and for telling your version of the truth, which I think will influence a lot of people.
I feel this morning when I spoke to Charlie that I had talked to a different man that I have known in the past.
He seems like a changed man for the better, personal opinion.
I'm hopeful he'll take his health seriously, and I am appreciative, Dr. Izenga, of your comments that he could be a force for good as we try to cure this disease.
We'll be right back.
Next.
What happens now for Charlie Sheen?
We talk with a world expert on HIV about your questions.
How risky was it for Amanda to have unprotected sex with Charlie Sheen?
This scenario is actually a good example.
The message she wants everyone to hear.
Next.
With Charlie Sheen's recent announcement, it's important to continue to educate ourselves about HIV. And Charlie's diagnosis brings up a lot of health questions, so I'm joined by Dr. Michelle Tespedes, who's an infectious disease doctor at Mount Sinai Hospital here in New York City.
So, Charlie says his viral load is nearly undetectable.
Correct.
And his team here are arguing that it's nearly impossible for him to transmit the virus to somebody else through intercourse.
You agree with that?
I actually do agree.
So, when I check someone's blood to see how well the medicines are working, I check to see if can I find virus in the bloodstream.
When it's undetectable, it means that there's still HIV there, but it's so low that I can't find it.
Do you worry that some of Charlie's admitted behaviors, recreational drug use, other habits of that nature, could influence the care he's getting for his HIV? So, actually, I think in terms of lifestyle, of his behavior, that's probably going to have a bigger impact on his life expectancy and quality of life if his HIV is well-controlled, and he stays in care.
You know, the HIV medicines, they're processed by your liver and your kidneys, and it's the other infections and other things that come along with this recreational drug use and behavioral issues that will probably have a bigger impact on his life.
And what if he has a difficult night and forgets his pills in the morning?
Although Amanda has told us, his former girlfriend, it doesn't happen.
If it were to happen, how big a deal is that?
So it actually is more of an influence when someone's starting on their HIV medicines.
Remember how the doctor spoke about how high his viral load was when he was first diagnosed before he started treatment?
In those first few weeks when you're starting your regimen and you're working to get to that zero or that undetectable number, it's very important to be consistent and not miss a pill.
Once you've already been undetectable for a while, one day doesn't have an impact, but it's inconsistent behavior or being non-adherent consistently.
That's a much bigger problem.
You speak about HIV the way many would think about diabetes, another chronic illness.
Do you think that's a fair...
Absolutely.
Actually, I think that's the perfect comparison.
You know, early in the 80s when we were just, you know, the epidemic was just starting, we didn't know how to test, we didn't know how to treat, we didn't have good options.
We've learned so much through clinical trials and through experience over the years.
HIV truly is a chronic, manageable disease.
You know, we actually have options for one pill once a day, getting the combination of medications to fight HIV now.
And really, it's staying in care, being consistent, and following up with your doctor.
Much like diabetes or high blood pressure.
There's a brand new study about this thing called PrEP.
Correct.
It's a drug you can take While you're with someone who has HIV positive, that arguably will reduce the chance of getting it.
That's what Amanda was taking, Charlie's girlfriend, to reduce her chance of contracting the disease even though they were having unprotected sex.
Do you think it'll work?
Absolutely.
So PrEP stands for pre-exposure prophylaxis.
It's kind of based on the science, like, you know, if someone was in the hospital and got stuck with blood from someone who did have HIV, how do you protect that person right away?
And we found out over years that getting medicines, HIV medicines, into that exposed person could prevent them from getting HIV if they've been exposed.
PrEP just extrapolates on that and says, actually, if there's someone who has an ongoing risk, a high-risk person, say they have a partner who's positive or You know, involved in other activities that put them at higher risk for contracting HIV. We actually have that medicine in their bloodstream already.
We're not waiting until they're exposed.
We're protecting them even before they get exposed.
There's data that that can be more than 90% protective should they take it consistently.
So how risky was it for Amanda to have unprotected sex with Charlie Sheen?
This scenario is actually a good example of actually the low amount of risk when the partner who is infected is undetectable.
The risk of contracting HIV from someone who is undetectable, even with condomless sex, is actually comparable to being struck by lightning in your lifetime.
So it is very rare.
Let me put you on the spot.
Sure.
All you know about this.
Correct.
If someone that you loved was HIV positive, would you have unprotected sex with them?
Probably not.
I still recommend to my patients the most important thing for my patients who are in what's called discordant relationships, where one is positive and one is negative.
The best way for you to protect yourself, actually, is to make sure your partner is undetectable, so it makes it highly unlikely that they would transmit virus.
I can't say that it's zero, but I always recommend safe sex as a barrier as well.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
We'll be right back.
Coming up next, there's a dangerous corner of the internet most parents are not aware of.
It's known as the Dark Web, responsible for hoaxes, cyberbullying, and internet pranks.
Is it changing our kids' brains?
How to tell if your family is using it.
Coming up. - Next, information I want every parent to know, And I admit, as a parent, I wasn't aware.
There's a dangerous corner of the internet that's becoming increasingly popular.
It's known as the dark web.
Have you heard of the dark web?
Couple yeses, young folks generally.
So the dark web, you know, it's changing our kids' brains.
It's responsible for some of the largest hoaxes, cyberbullying incidents, and internet pranks of the past five years.
What scares me the most is that users can remain completely, completely anonymous.
Would you be able to tell if your child was using it?
The internet has revolutionized the way we communicate.
But there's a dark side to the convenience and information it offers.
The internet can also provide complete anonymity to users on sites where people post whatever they want.
Untraceable and unmonitored.
Today, the hidden but very real dangers of the internet.
What you need to know to protect your family from the dark side of the web.
Here to shed some light on this dark topic is the Eating Addiction Specialist, Dr. Drew Pinsky.
So I trust you.
Yeah, here we go.
And you brought this to my attention.
Why are you so concerned about this?
It's something that's happening right now.
As I mentioned in that piece, the Oregon shooter was on the dark web and was actually encouraged by other people, told that he was being a wimp if he didn't do it, and given specific instructions how he should do, how he should do what he did.
And to me, the level of depravity that we're seeing in the dark web I've never heard of this, so I've come at this without a lot of insight, but obviously it's really penetrating the brains of our children.
Who really is using this site?
Well, listen, when you asked who knows the dark web, all the young people in the audience said they knew about it.
They go there for various things, but the problem is it's the at-risk people that are having a problem out there.
So just to be clear to everybody, if you think this is not happening in your family, I want you to meet Charlene.
She stepped in to help her daughter Emily, and she did it just in time.
So Charlene, I'd love to hear your advice for other parents whose kids may be going through the same reality.
Many times children don't tell us what's going on in their lives, but we as parents need to be alert to changes in our child.
Because they're trying to tell us a message without verbalizing it.
A lot of wisdom.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
When we come back, what you can do to protect your kids from the dark side of the web.
Omega-3 Fortified Foods.
They're being added to just about every food in the grocery store.
Not all Omega-3s are created equal.
Are they worth your money?
We put them to the test.
All new Oz.
That's coming up tomorrow.
We are back talking about a dangerous corner of the Internet, the dark web.
So how do we protect our kids, and how do we know if our kids are in trouble?
Addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky is back, along with educational psychologist Dr. Michelle Borba.
So Dr. Borba, this is a fine line.
We want to be able to, it's not snooping, I don't want to call it even that, although the kids are going to certainly think that.
But how do we respect their privacy, at the same time taking a peek over to make sure they're safe?
Well, the first thing, let's just put the difference between monitoring and snooping.
We tell our kids up front that I will be monitoring.
That's part of the thing that I do called parenting.
If you tell them that you will be watching, that alone reduces the risk factor.
It's an amazing concept.
Okay, so we're going to teach you a little bit about this firewall.
The first rule is the walk-by rule.
You set up a rule that the internet is something called a privilege and it will be revoked if you don't apply the rules.
So here's what you do.
Each time as a parent, if you happen to walk by and you notice your child being sneaky, covering it up, trying to pull a cord, it's an automatic, sweetheart, you lose the privilege and you will regain it with responsibility.
All right, there's some lingo too.
We gotta recognize how the kids are singling to each other.
And I've never heard of any of these lingos.
So take us, I suspect, I'm not the only one who has it.
So P of 9-11, what does that mean?
It means, watch out, there's a mom or dad in the room.
And now what's happening is your child is actually clicking these onto the computer to the other kid or predator on the other side.
And it's just a quiet signal between the two.
And this is their private lingo that's going on.
PA. PA is parent alert.
It seems so simple, but that's what they're using.
And then the other thing that's really interesting is the simplest one.
Just watch the little hands and they'll go one, two, three, four, five.
And it means that's a click that parents are reading the screen.
So at least we know what's going on with the signs of what they're typing.
But there's another part of this that I think, to your point, you're not snooping, you're actually alerting them and then doing it, which is to identify their online persona.
This is so, so critical.
If your child has a Twitter account, so should you.
If your child has a Facebook account, so should you.
It does not mean you post in your kid's Facebook account.
But it does mean...
I tried that.
It's really bad.
Yeah, it's not cool.
But it does mean in case of an emergency, you'll know what's going on.
Now, let's just look at persona a minute.
What kind of image are they doing?
The photograph that they have up.
A good little question you just ask your child or when he's with his friend, hey, you guys have a website?
And watch them.
If they start to stammer, they start to roll their eyes, it means better check out a little bit further.
This is called your digital footprint.
It will follow you the rest of your life.
And right now, college admissions officers, as well as Future employees are trying to track your kid as well, and they're looking into that.
Michelle, thank you very much, Dr. Drew.
I appreciate it very much.
Thanks for bringing this to my attention.
You can watch Dr. Drew weeknights at 9 p.m.
on HLN. It's a fantastic show.
We'll be right back.
Coming up next, he grew up in the school of hard knocks, who's been tackled as much in life as he was on the field.
Football great Ray Lewis.
How he picked himself back up and why he says don't accept a hand you're dealt.
Coming up.
My next guest is a father of seven who cherishes his family in part because of his own tough childhood.
He's also a sports legend who's been knocked down as much in life as he was on the football field.
But you know what?
He always picked himself back up and succeeded with a combination of hard work and a positive attitude.
A standout athlete from a young age, Ray Lewis overcame a difficult childhood to score a football scholarship at the University of Miami, and later a legendary 17-year career with the Baltimore Ravens, highlighted by Lewis' single greatest season of his career in 2001. That's when Lewis led the Ravens to their first-ever Super Bowl victory,
and he took home two top titles, NFL Defensive Player of the Year and Super Bowl MVP. But the following year began with tragedy.
A fight outside an Atlanta nightclub involving Lewis and his entourage led to two deaths and a murder charge for Lewis.
The charges were eventually dropped, but Lewis was fined and put on probation by the NFL. Lewis retired from football in 2013, but not before helping the Ravens win their second Super Bowl.
After a life of triumphs and tragedy, setbacks and comebacks, Ray Lewis says you don't have to accept the hand you're dealt.
And today, he shows you how.
So, Ray, you're here.
You've faced a lot of challenges in life.
You've got this philosophy that you don't have to accept the hand that you're dealt.
No, sir.
How did that get you through your most difficult times?
Well, I think, Doc, honestly, there's two ways you can look at life.
Fear keeps you up at night.
Faith lets you rest at night.
You see...
So Ray tells a lot of these wonderful stories.
I feel like going on.
It's a wonderful memoir.
That's it.
So as someone who's watched a fair amount of football, I could see that passion in you.
It was well documented over your entire career.
But a lot of folks don't always pay attention to the fact that there are lots of injuries that hold us back.
Getting through physical hardship, the pain of recovering from injury, it's probably a lot easier for someone like you than having to deal with the inside emotional turmoil that sometimes happens.
When you're arrested for the murder of those two guys, People vilified you.
How would you will yourself back from that?
So from the moment that that happened to me, I said, no matter what you say about me, you still got to watch me.
And so that's the way if you ever want to show a real example in life, walk it.
Walk it.
And then you start to change lives because people actually seen you not fall to what people have said about you.
So everyone, they see Ray and he's this big strapping guy, but you're very honest about the fact that you were a little scrawny kid at one point.
And I brought something that might remind you of those days.
These are playing cards.
And Ray wouldn't play poker with these cards.
He'd actually use these cards to build up his mind.
Man, this took me back right here.
This is crazy.
So show everybody how you would use these cards, and then you and I are going to do it together a little bit just to demonstrate.
Yeah, so I would go to my room.
I would go to my room every night because I was in a very domestic violence home.
And anytime my mom would get into fights, so she would have bruises and, oh my God, black eyes and everything.
And I was skinny.
I was probably 150, 140 pounds.
And I couldn't physically fight a man.
So it wasn't sports that drove me.
It was to make sure another man never put his hands on my mom.
And so I would come to my room crying most of the times at night.
And I would flip a jack.
And a jack, queen, king is worth 10. An ace is worth 25. And a joker is worth 50. So I would get down.
I'm going to match you.
One seco.
I got to keep up with you.
So I'll tell you what you do.
I'll tell you what you do.
Come on.
I'm going to flip my 10. I got a different card?
Yeah.
Here, I got a two.
Yeah.
I got an eight.
Yeah.
And so you knock them out.
I'm one foot, of course.
One leg up, of course.
Four.
Ten.
Right.
Flip.
Boom.
Nine.
I got a jab.
All right.
Listen, everybody.
Raise no vote.
I feel it going now.
It's available now.
We'll be right back.
In the past day, we learned that Charlie Sheen has HIV.
He bravely announced his status to quiet the rumors and speculation about his health.
I spoke on the phone with Charlie this morning, and it was important to him to be honest and share what he is going through.
He told me he's deeply relieved to put the rumors to rest.
It's why Charlie asked his inner circle to join me on the show today.
His former girlfriend, who engaged in unprotected sex with him despite his diagnosis, as well as his personal doctor.
I hope we can all pause for a moment and reflect on Charlie's announcement.
Charlie's fame will bring an unprecedented level of attention to HIV and I believe he can and should use it for good.
Right now, there are more than 35 million people worldwide that are living with HIV and less than half of those people are receiving treatment.
Everyone with HIV deserves good care and our compassion.
And I hope that with Charlie's loud voice, we can find a cure to wipe out this disease.
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