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March 30, 2024 - Dr. Oz Podcast
42:40
What You Need to Know About Duck Syndrome | Dr. Oz | S7 | Ep 7 | Full Episode
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Today, overwhelmed and stressed out with the pressure to be perfect.
There's actually a new name for this phenomenon.
It's called duck syndrome.
On the surface, everything looks okay.
But below, are we all struggling to stay afloat?
It's a crisis claiming lies.
It's devastating to have lost Madison.
This is very personal to me.
My daughter, same age as your daughter, I knew her.
How to spot the warning signs.
coming up next.
This show is very personal.
Over the summer, I read an article about my alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania.
I went to medical school there.
I was shocked to learn that in this last school year, six UPenn students were victims of suicide.
I learned that college students and young adults across the country under so much pressure to appear perfect that they're becoming anxious and depressed.
There's actually a new name for this phenomenon.
It's called Duck Syndrome.
Let me show you why they call it that.
A duck on the surface is very calm.
It's gliding easy across the water.
Like young adults in college, they appear calm, cool, and collected.
But a deeper look, go under them, beneath the surface, and guess what's happening?
The duck's frantically moving forward.
It's desperately paddling its feet, trying to stay afloat.
Sort of like a lot of kids...
of adult age who are just becoming mature.
What about your kids?
This article made me think about mine and the pressure they're dealing with.
So audience, who in the, if I can talk to the parents first, who in the audience has young adult children?
We've got a couple folks here.
That's a quick question.
I just told you about the duck syndrome.
As you think about the duck syndrome, apply it to your own families.
Because we were all there ourselves at once.
When you think about your children, do you think that they're overwhelmed, stressed out, and are they telling you the truth about that?
Yeah, I think I have a son in college and he just likes to be strong.
He wants to show us that he's strong.
So I don't think he really expresses himself and I worry because I don't really know what's going on.
I think there's so many pressures in this world.
It's not just with college, it's with many things.
And kids try to be strong and they try to be in with the group.
And so they don't want to be separated and they just want to be a part of everything.
So they try hard, you know, to do whatever is, you know, demanded of them.
All right, so today's show, you mentioned the word pressure, is all about that word.
It's about pressure and how we handle it, both in our children and in ourselves.
So we're going to start by looking at the pressure that our young adults are facing, battling this duck syndrome that I described.
Then, if you feel pressure to create a perfect world on Facebook and Instagram, you're not alone.
We're going to meet some women who decided to bust through the perfect pick myth.
And could you go five full days without showering?
That would be stressful for many people.
We actually put three busy ladies to the test, and what they did with their extra time will surprise you.
First up, young adults.
Let's get to them.
Across the country, they are under so much pressure to appear perfect.
Experts say that they are drowning, and they have never seen anything like it.
What's going on?
Six students from the University of Pennsylvania.
Six from MIT. Four from Tulane.
Four from William& Mary.
Three from Appalachian State.
All died from suicide just within the last school year.
What is going on?
We used to say that young adulthood, and college in particular, was a time of challenge, discovery, and growth.
the best four years of a young person's life.
But today, college counselors say more than half their students have severe psychological problems.
The most common diagnosis?
Anxiety and depression.
Almost one-third of all college students say they felt so depressed they had trouble functioning.
More than 80% felt overwhelmed.
45% felt helpless.
No wonder, according to the CDC, suicide is now the second leading cause of death for young people between the ages of 15 and 24. What's so wrong that they are in so much pain, with no place to turn, even to the point of suicide?
Today, messages of hope that can help end the mental health epidemic that's threatening an entire generation of America's young adults.
Today we're putting a face on this crisis.
Eliza is a student at Brown University who has struggled with severe anxiety.
I remember being in school and feeling a lot of pressure, intense pressure.
I would think it would be something similar to what you're experiencing now, but it appears to be different for you and your friends.
How so?
You know, I think there are lots of reasons why students today are experiencing pressure in college.
Largely at, you know, elite universities, students were one of the very best among their peers in high school, if not the best, the valedictorian.
And then they come to a school like Brown, which is where I go to school, and suddenly they're this small fish in this enormous sea of really intelligent people and they feel like they just can't compete and can't quite compare.
That can be really overwhelming and result in enormous internal stress, anxiety, depression, all sorts of mental health issues.
So this issue of being a small fish in this new environment, it's not new.
It's something that I went through and I think a lot of folks, whether they go to school or work or whatever, you're a big deal when you're growing up because your parents make it seem like you're a big deal.
I'd love to understand more how that's causing you anxiety.
I think you're surrounded by people who, yes, you know rationally that everyone around you is not perfect, but everyone is really good on putting up a front and appearing really, really confident in that they have it all put together.
And in that environment, you never quite feel like you're enough.
So, you did something very brave.
You asked for help.
A lot of young people are not asking for help.
What made you take that step?
I'm very fortunate in that I'm very close with my family, and they serve as a really strong support network for me.
And I feel very comfortable going to them and sharing with them that I needed some extra help.
And it was apparent to them, and that's certainly not the case for everyone.
People are really good at putting on a front and pretending, not pretending, appearing as though everything is okay when it's not.
And I think that saying those three words, I need help, is really, really difficult to do.
People see that as a sign of weakness, even though it's not, and they don't want to appear that way.
And in addition to that, I think that people don't want to burden others.
But, I mean, I would certainly encourage all others to accept the fact that you're not burdening anyone by asking for help, and it's important and necessary, and you deserve it.
Well, a lot of young people aren't.
Thank you very much for your story.
The people who aren't asking for help sometimes do terrible things to themselves.
Twenty-three young adults at colleges across this country died by suicide in just a 13-month period.
One of them was 19-year-old Madison Halloran, who was a student at UPenn.
Madison Halloran's father, Jim, is here along with his daughter and Madison's sister, Carly.
I know this is a painful conversation.
Thank you for being here.
So it's been a year and a half since you lost Madison.
How's the family doing, Jim?
I think we're doing okay.
Again, it's devastating to have lost Madison.
I'm in therapy weekly because I need help now to help cope and to help the family stay together and be as strong as they can.
So, this is very personal to me for another reason.
My daughter, Zoe, Same age as your daughter and knew her.
They would go to parties together.
I actually first heard of her loss from my daughter.
I think many in her class were shocked by this.
They had not expected Madison to be the one who wouldn't ask for help and would struggle.
Did you have any idea she was under this pressure?
At UPenn, we did.
As soon as we could start counseling when she got home for the break, we got her into therapy.
I think it was helping her.
And our plan was to continue that at UPenn.
Actually, I was going to go down there.
She told me where she knew where a psychiatrist was, but she hadn't made an appointment.
I said, well, Madison, I'm coming down, and you and I are going to go there together because you know you need help.
So she took this picture of Rittenhouse Square.
It's a beautiful part of Philadelphia.
It's the holiday lights.
This is actually the last picture that she had posted.
When you see that image and what she was probably looking at as she took it, what goes through your mind?
I think she wanted, you know, the world to somehow see brightness in her last photograph.
So I'm a dad and I completely empathize with the difficulty of Trying to figure out what's going through our children's minds, especially daughters.
Sometimes siblings actually know a lot more.
So, Carly, if I can ask you some of these, again, challenging questions.
What was your perspective on what Madison was going through in college?
You know, she was excited to leave to go to school, so we were excited for her, and then I think it was a wake-up call when she got there.
I don't think she realized the kind of pressure that she was going to be under.
Like Eliza was saying, you know, a lot of these people are valedictorians of their school and high school, and I think it was a huge wake-up call for her to go there and realize that she wasn't necessarily at the top anymore.
She was part of the best of the best.
Did you think that her friends in college were doing better than she was?
I think she did.
I think she compared herself a lot to them and even her friends from high school she would see on their social media and their Instagram and it looked like they were having the best time in their lives.
They were having fun and she didn't realize why she was different and why she wasn't experiencing the same thing as them.
Did it ever cross your mind?
Wildest imagination that you would lose your sister?
Never.
Really, not once.
I noticed over Thanksgiving break that she wasn't her happy bubbly self.
She didn't seem like the normal Madison that we knew, but I never once thought that it would result in something like this.
You shared a very painful story.
What was your goal?
What do you hope for people to gain?
I think just awareness.
I mean, we never thought that something like this could happen to Madison.
Of all the people, even just in our family, we thought she would be the one to succeed, to have the most fun, to enjoy college the most.
And it happened so quickly and so fast and to the person that we never thought it would happen to.
So we just want people to know that you're not alone, especially these college kids.
I think a lot of them are going through this and it's just important to tell somebody, anyone.
So it's important for the families here to do just that.
So we're going to put a number up.
It's the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
This number's going to be on the front page of DrRoz.com.
If there's anyone you suspect might be at risk, and you heard it here, it won't always be super obvious.
Ask the questions and then pass on that number.
When we come back, your child may not be quite as grown up and ready for adult pressures as you think.
We're going to find out why when we come back.
Later, perfectionism.
Some say it's one of the most destructive diseases among kids today.
Are helicopter parents to be blamed?
Students are here to shed some light.
How to help your child let go of their deed for perfection.
Coming up...
All New Oz.
Three recipes to reduce your risk for cancer.
Dr. Andrew Weil shares tips from his kitchen.
It is so good, my friends.
Plus, the fight to end the crippling crisis of addiction starts here.
The five questions to ask before getting painkillers.
And thousands rally to end the shame of addiction.
Rock legend Stephen Tyler speaks out.
All New Oz.
That's coming up on Monday.
I definitely think that I have some self-inflicted pressure.
Other people talk about internships and jobs, so you feel the pressure to know what you're doing after college.
Oh yeah, I definitely act like everything's okay because, I mean, you don't want people to think that you're stressed.
I think that's kind of a sign of weakness.
Definitely a lot of people try to go about, like, they're not experiencing any stress and they can handle anything, but it's difficult to have it all together and it's okay to let that out sometimes.
Experts say college students and young adults are so overwhelmed with the pressures to keep up appearances that they are succumbing to anxiety and depression in record numbers.
So audience, for those of you who have kids who are college-age, young adults, are you confident that they're ready for the pressures that are ahead of them?
Let me see some moms.
Moms, here.
Go on, take it away.
I think they think they're ready, but they're not ready until they're in that environment.
My daughter just went back to school.
She's a senior in college.
And she called me two days later and she had a shingle outbreak.
She did?
Yes.
At a young age?
At a young age.
Well, she had them at 12, and now she's 21, and she's got them again.
So internally, they just hold it in, and it affects them physically.
Who else has thoughts on this?
Go on, pass it up.
I have two in college, and I think a lot is about giving the kids tools before they leave for college, and then checking in all the time, whether they want to hear from you or not, calling them all the time, weekly, multiple times a week, to make sure that everything's going okay.
Do you think those tools got her adequately ready, or is it just the beginning process?
I try to give both kids a lot of independence before they leave for college.
So by the time they are in college, it's not a brand new thing.
Perfect.
Now, I'm going to just pick up on these two points here and show you something that may change your mind a little bit about your kids.
By the way, we were all there too, right?
So this is also about our lives as we're going through those young adult years.
Your child may not be as grown up and as ready for adult pressures as you think.
And here's the biological reason for it.
I have these scans up here on the wall.
These scans are called functional MRI scans.
They're really cool scans that look at the different things happening in your brain, specifically how it's actually functioning and doing things and processing information.
The prefrontal cortex is all up here.
That's the decision-making part of the brain.
That's where all the action is.
When you're a five-year-old, there's not a lot of blue there.
It's mostly this yellow and red.
That means it's immature.
Blue is good.
Blue means mature, normal, ready to go out and do what needs to be done.
You get to be a preteen, and we all, you know, when you're a preteen, life's challenging sometimes, and not surprisingly, you have the ability to do lots of things.
You can run, you can walk, you can fight with your parents, but you're not that mature up here in the prefrontal cortex, so it's a difficult time to process some of this complex information.
Then, thankfully, you become a teenager where, again, you're really blue, really mature, except that one little place, the prefrontal cortex, where they're still green.
Now most of us think, once you get past your teen years, you're really good to go.
But this is the shocking part of this.
A 20-year-old brain still has green, immature areas in the prefrontal cortex.
Still has places that aren't ready to make complex decisions.
Which means, when you're really calm, you do great.
But when you're under stress, you reveal problems.
Problems sometimes that are imperceptibly big to the people who love you.
Alison Malman's brother Brian was a senior at Columbia University when he killed himself.
Since then, she founded Active Minds, an organization that uses students to help get rid of the stigma of mental health on college campuses.
Dr. John Draper is the director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
And Dr. Alison Baker is a psychiatrist who specializes in adolescents transitioning to college.
So, Allison, let me start with you.
Since founding Active Minds, and I'm proud of you for doing that, you learned a lot.
We've all learned a lot about how kids deal with anxiety, and they suffer depression and all kinds of challenges as you try to cope.
Where does all that pressure come from?
I mean, I think we can trace it back to any number of places for any number of people.
I think a lot of it is internal.
Students are putting pressure on themselves.
Sometimes it's coming from family, sometimes it's coming from the outside, but it's this idea of wanting to be perfect and that pressure can become overwhelming.
Dr. Baker, where did this extreme need for perfection come from?
Kids have always felt pressure and experienced struggle.
I think what's different today is that there are a couple of pieces in play.
I think the increasingly unstable global economy.
I think that parents with the very best of intentions and a strong desire to set their children up for success sometimes contribute to generating more anxiety and apprehension about success and provide a lot of scaffolding and mapping for their children as opposed to kids having the opportunity to figure it out for themselves.
I love that you used the word scaffolding rather than trying to get past the helicopter parenting issues that we all cope with.
So I've got a 16-year-old who I can guarantee you on those functional MRI scans would have not a lot of blue in the front of the brain.
And so it's Oliver and I were having a conversation recently and I finally said, honey, you know, who's going to teach my grandson to be a man?
I'm not going to be there.
And it was one of the few times I actually got him to sort of quiet down and process a reality.
A, that I wasn't going to be there, but B, he'll have to do it one day.
And I do feel an obligation, I think we all do as parents, to sort of pass that baton on, that at some point you've got to do it for your own.
And it's not so much how I judge you.
I know this seems easy in a quiet environment to get across, but it's in the heat of the moment where we struggle with this.
Dr. Draper, are you surprised that some of these young adults are just not coping?
I can understand what all the pressures are, certainly.
And we know that this is a very difficult time of life with no life experience, really, to teach them or to draw from in terms of how they can deal with it.
We know that one in six kids right now in high school are thinking seriously about suicide.
One in six?
One in 13 are attempting suicide.
You're kidding me.
Dr. Oz...
Did anyone know that?
No.
These numbers are not even close to what I would expect.
They're staggering, Dr. Oz.
And what this is telling us is that basically the number two killer of kids is life and not knowing how to deal with it.
So help me with this a little bit.
What are the warning signs?
If one in six kids is thinking about it, we must be able to figure out who's at risk.
There's a few things, naturally, we need to be looking for.
First and foremost, the most obvious thing is when somebody is talking about suicide and wishing to die.
But still, a lot aren't.
Nearly half aren't.
So we need to be thinking about these other warning signs.
And that is an increased use of alcohol and drugs, for example.
And we know that that itself can be deadly.
But that's their way of coping, and it's not a good coping strategy.
Another important one to be looking out for is feelings of hopelessness.
We also are looking at things like feeling trapped and alone, where you feel like there's no way out of this hopelessness, that this intolerable pain that you're experiencing is not going to end and no one is going to be able to help you or understand.
We're also thinking about things like sleeplessness.
Sleeplessness is a big sign, also losing interest in things you once enjoyed.
Those are all things that we need to be looking out for.
But lack of social supports, again what the lady said in the audience, you've got to be there for your kid, is very important.
So, Alice, what can colleges do differently?
Dr. Baker, thoughts on that?
I mean, I think one of the things that colleges need to do is continue to build an environment where students are allowed and open to share their real experiences that will really create a space where young adults feel comfortable reaching out for the help that they both need and they deserve.
So, I've been thinking about happiness a lot.
And mental health is part of that equation.
And as part of it, I took this course called Mental Health First Aid to help identify the pressures that your child is under.
Anyone can take the course, by the way.
It's open to take it.
And one of the most important things I learned is that you have to ask kids how they're doing, but you got to do it without implying judgment.
Just check it in.
How you doing?
And then ask the follow-up questions as appropriate.
Up next, how to let go of the need for perfection.
We'll be right back.
Later, pressured to appear perfect?
Guilty of posting only the most ideal images of your family on Facebook?
Wait till you hear these less than perfect moments that were not shared.
It will have you thinking twice about what you see on social media.
Coming up.
I definitely feel like I'm under a lot of academic pressure.
It mostly comes from my parents and, like, society, I guess.
It's been so hard adjusting, and, like, I'll always, like, look okay, but, like, sometimes I'll, like, sit in my room and just cry.
I've never even heard of it, but, yeah, I relate to Tuck Syndrome.
Many argue that perfectionism is one of the most destructive diseases among American children.
We've heard it on the stage today as well.
Do you agree or disagree with that premise?
Hands up.
Let me hear from the college students out there.
And again, there's no right or wrong answers.
We don't feel pressure over this.
But I do want to understand what your perspective is.
What in particular drives you to desire perfection?
And where's that pressure coming from?
Thoughts from young women, young men?
Go ahead.
Honestly, I just see other people, like, you know, whatever they post on Snapchat, they're, like, getting A's or anything because kids post everything.
And I'm like, oh, wow, maybe I need to step up my game because I'm constantly, like, on social media and I see all these things.
Life seems better over there.
Yeah.
I'm going to come back to that.
That's a really important insight.
Go ahead.
I think that the main desire to have perfection is the fact that you want to be the best you can be.
You want to make yourself proud at the end of the day.
I don't think it's so much comparing yourself to other people.
I don't do that personally.
But I think a lot of people do do that.
They're like, oh, she got the 90. I want the 95. And I think we have to look inside of ourselves and find who we are, who is the best self we are, you know?
Who wants to add to the conversation?
Go ahead.
I think a lot of the pressure can come from parents indirectly, too, just because they've worked so hard to sacrifice everything for us, so we want to be able to give back in return, and that's through our grades.
Guilt, crazily.
Absolutely.
Guilt.
So why is it difficult to reach out if you're having a problem?
We just don't want to seem weak.
We want to seem like we've had it together, just like we've had it the entire time throughout high school.
And it just seems like everyone else, like they were saying via social media, is having a really great time, that it's really easy for them, so we don't want to seem like we're the only one that's struggling.
Yeah, I also wanted to say that for a lot of us, high school was easy compared to college.
And I know personally speaking, college was probably the first time I was ever challenged academically.
And I didn't really even know how to deal with challenge academically.
I never struggled before.
So what advice would you guys give to kids who are just coming into college, college freshmen?
Thoughts for incoming college freshmen.
What would you tell them?
I completely agree with that.
I personally struggled my first quarter, and I would give the advice of planning ahead in terms of when you get your papers done, when you get your work done before your social life, when you, you know, that type of stuff.
Go ahead, pass it in front of you.
Go ahead.
Actually, I was going to say that my social life was a big part of me becoming more adjusted at school.
When I was a freshman, I found this amazing support group and they still support me every day.
So if you're an incoming freshman, don't be afraid to go out there and make friends because everybody's feeling the same way.
So we put a call on our website asking, does helicopter parenting pressure kids into the need for perfection?
Big issue.
61% said yes.
Almost two-thirds of people responded.
Dr. Baker, give us some advice on this helicoptering issue.
How do we get comfortable letting go?
Well we're talking about it today so I think that's a really big step and raising awareness that there are real costs and risks to this approach to parenting and letting parents understand what they are and giving them an opportunity to change the way that they're doing it.
Other advice is start the conversation a lot earlier.
Let your kids work towards independence much, much more early than the summer before college.
Teach kids the ability to figure it out for themselves while you're there to support and guide and mentor, but not necessarily scaffold and choreograph entirely for them.
Let me start off with some final thoughts.
Because ultimately, the questions you ask are the way you show your love.
People who are suffering don't often tell you they're in trouble.
It's true for adults.
It's true for your kids.
So the next time you're on the phone with your kids, you can ask them one simple question.
Are they okay?
And then, judge their answer and ask a follow-up question if it's appropriate.
It's the second question.
I'll learn this as a doctor.
They'll often give you the biggest insights.
Never forget at the end of the conversation to say, I love you.
We'll be right back.
I want to find Later in the show, would you be willing to give up a shower if it meant spending more time with your family?
I challenge three busy moms to go five days without bathing.
Could you let yourself go?
What our social experiment reveals.
Coming up.
All new Oz.
Three recipes to reduce your risk for cancer.
Plus, the rally to end the shame of addiction.
Steven Tyler speaks out.
And the five questions to ask before getting painkillers.
That's coming up on Monday.
Today's conversation, we've been talking about pressure and perfection, which brings me to the subject of social media.
It came up a lot.
So audience, how many of you are guilty of posting only the most perfect, pristine pictures of your family on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter?
Show of hands.
You generally don't put bad stuff up there, do you?
Yeah, the honest people admit that.
We're all guilty of this.
I'm going to give you an example.
This is something that happened in my own life.
This is a picture of me with Oliver.
That's us fishing.
Now, you see how big that salmon is?
Isn't that big?
All right.
That's actually not a truthful picture.
So I'll tell you why.
Here's the real size of that salmon.
Put the real one up.
See how big it really is?
All right.
So at least I copped about this.
But the reality is I was competing with other fishermen.
I want them to be intimidated.
So you hold it up.
Don't show your hands.
Your face is a classic fisherman's trick.
You look really big.
So why is it that we feel so much pressure with perfect images up there?
Who wants to speak to that?
Go ahead.
I think perception is reality.
And so especially on Facebook, when you have an opportunity to continue to post all the good things that are going on in your life, it just appears that nothing negative comes on in your life.
And I think there's a point in social media where people decided not to post anything negative because it doesn't make you look good in the end.
It doesn't.
Here's some examples.
I got two people in the audience who are bravely going to share their stories.
Esther, please join me.
Hi.
So, this is a picture from her family vacation.
May I put it up there?
I mean, that looks really amazing.
So, what really happened?
There's a horror story behind that happy picture.
I'm gonna tell you.
Now, my dream vacation was to go to the Bahamas.
While we're there, we chose an excursion.
It was a snorkeling scooter excursion.
While I'm there, the instructor's explaining to us how easy it is.
It's go and go fast.
Two buttons.
I'm so excited.
The instructor tells us, there might be a chance that you'll see barracudas.
You might be over the dip of the sharks.
If you happen to be on the dip of the sharks, just keep going because no one is going to help you there.
Okay.
My husband takes the scooter.
We're excited.
He takes the scooter.
He's running.
He left me like if he stole a car.
Yes.
Okay.
Husbands do that sometimes.
Yeah, he left me like if he stole a car.
I'm sitting there.
I'm wondering why I can't go any further.
I'm stuck.
So I look under the water to see why I'm stuck.
My bathing suit got caught inside of the motor.
Okay?
I'm stuck inside of the motor, but I see two things that I didn't want to see.
I see barracuda surrounding me, and I see the shark tip.
Oh, no.
No, no, exactly.
So now, I'm looking over the waves.
My husband is way down there.
I'm screaming inside, but I'm whispering outside because I don't want them to bite me.
So I'm saying, ee-ka, ee-ka.
So why would you post that picture that you posted rather than tell the story?
Doesn't it look good?
Yes.
And Patty, let me see your picture.
This is a picture of Patty.
And, you know, it's a very cute post.
This is a Santa Claus with your family, I guess.
Yes, it is.
My husband's family.
Every year, Christmas Eve, we have the great big Christmas Eve with the seven fishes.
And every year, we have somebody dress up as Santa.
So this year, it was Poppy's job to dress up as Santa.
And we waited, and we were having our drinks and celebrating, and Poppy might have had just a little too much eggnog that night.
And so he went and changed into his Santa outfit, and he walks back in the room, and he's yelling...
Come on over and see Santa.
Come sit on Santa's lap.
And all the kids look at Santa and went, ah!
And they turn around and they were all running.
And he sat down and he's like, come sit on my lap.
And they're like, no, no, we don't want to see Santa.
And they were hiding under the tables and running in the other rooms.
And needless to say, Santa didn't give too many presents that year.
No, Santa probably passed out.
Didn't work out too well.
Well stated.
I actually think the real stories were a lot more fun to talk about than the ones you posted.
No.
Probably a lesson for us.
Thank you very much.
Just so you know, when you're on social media, you're only seeing one side to every post.
It's okay to show both sides, as you heard today.
Trust me, it ain't so bad.
It's a lot more fun, and it's real.
Up next, the ultimate social experiment in perfection.
Listen carefully.
Could you go a week without showering?
Think about it.
Next, we challenge three women to make a clean break from perfection.
Can they sacrifice their daily shower for five days to spend more time with their families?
And later, the new social media campaign that celebrates a woman's most dreaded imperfections.
Stretch marks coming up.
Today's show is all about pressure, specifically the personal pressure you're under every single day.
According to one study, women spend, listen carefully, 136 days over the course of their lifetime getting ready.
Getting ready.
Men all know this, but women may not.
Are you surprised by the amount of time, women in particular?
Maybe they're not so surprised.
This floored me because I asked this question on the website.
I didn't think I'd get the kind of an answer.
But then I asked this other question.
If you only had time to get one thing done, which would you choose?
Taking a shower or playing a board game with your kids?
Shower, board game with kids.
64% of you said they would skip the shower.
They spent time with the kids.
Who would do that, audience?
Who would skip the shower?
Not 64% of this audience.
So I asked three very busy women to help us out with a little social experiment we call the Showering Less Project.
Here's the goal.
Could they go five full days without showering and tell us how they would spend their extra time?
Let's meet our ladies.
Here's the question.
How am I supposed to wake up without a shower?
I'm feeling a little groggy.
I've realized that showering kind of helps me to wake up.
24 hours.
Could I have not taken a shower?
Noni, Kate, and Christine are all here unshowered, I should say.
So, Noni, were you hesitant to try this crazy idea?
Yes, I was very hesitant to try it because I'm very big into showering.
Because I'm all about presentation.
So, I was scared about smelling and not looking my best.
So, but I've survived.
As she inhales.
Kate, was it pretty daunting?
It wasn't for me just because I've traveled all around the world and I was in Africa for a while and I just couldn't shower there.
So I was okay with it.
But what was interesting is all of the people saying to me, are you sure you want to do this?
Are you sure this is how you're going to present yourself to the world?
And the only thing that was weird is that I had a bottle of glitter in my bag and I had a little glittertastrophe day one.
And so it's still all over.
I still see it.
I was wondering.
It's an interesting decision for the show.
Exactly.
I can't get it off until I shower.
Well, you know, you mentioned that you've traveled a lot.
In many countries, it's not common to shower.
In fact, it wasn't common here.
In the past, we only showered once a week.
Right.
And it was pretty typical.
You probably all know this story.
But, you know, on Saturday, you'd have bath day.
And the water would be shared by everybody in the family.
So the males would go first.
Then the women would go.
And then the babies.
That's where we got don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
That's where the idea came from because the baby was in the dirtiest water.
You throw the water out last.
Don't forget the baby in there.
So it actually was common for us.
So Christine, how did you deal with the pressure to be perfect?
How hard was it to skip that shower when you know you wouldn't look your best if you did?
Well, I think that I get in the shower and I try to do the same thing over and over and over again to try to fix myself or something.
But I've decided I'm perfect just the way I am.
And washing my skin is a thank you, Dr. Oz.
That's a lot coming from you, Dr. Oz.
So, and you know what?
I also got creative.
Like, okay, we're going to put on big earrings or we're going to do something like that.
So it was really, really fun.
Actually, it was fun.
You pulled it off beautifully.
Now, all three ladies, as they were asked to, kept a meticulous video diary documenting their experience.
They're laughing for a reason.
You'll find out why.
Did they succeed?
And how much time did they spend with their kids?
We're going to see what the week was really like when we come back.
Later, a brand new campaign embracing something you'd least expect.
Stretch marks.
All new odds.
Three recipes to reduce your risk for cancer.
Plus, the rally to end the shame of addiction.
Steven Tyler speaks out.
And the five questions to ask before getting painkillers.
That's coming up on Monday.
You've been talking about the pressures that pile up on you, specifically pressure over appearance.
Now I'm back with Noni, Kate, and Christina, three very busy women who participated in the Showering Less project.
Their goal was simple, five full days, five days without showering.
And they wanted to journal what they did with their extra time.
So we each kept their video diary.
Let's take a look at what their week was really like.
I'm feeling a little groggy.
I've realized that showering kind of helps me to wake up.
I had a lot more time this morning, and I drank more coffee, which I think is good, right?
More coffee, wake me up.
I feel sticky.
I feel itchy.
I'm not liking it.
I started to clean the bathroom, and then I thought, I gotta get out of here.
I'm tempted to soap up.
Do I smell yet?
Nope.
Not at all.
Okay, good.
I just wanted to tell you, Dr. Oz, I just felt sad thinking, I can wash my clothes, but I can't wash me.
My face is oily.
I'm breaking out.
I am hanging proud, although my head's getting a little bit itchy.
I'm starting to get a little bit depressed.
I am meditating more, spending some time with family.
But they don't want to be around me because I say I stink.
Before I was heading off to work, and so I made a really nice lunch for my husband and me.
Dr. Oz, I can't take it anymore.
I can't.
I gotta take a shower.
I've got to.
It's for my mental health.
I'm gonna.
It's gonna feel great.
I love those very honest portrayals of five days without showering.
No, you usually shower at night.
Yes.
Independent of the itching and all the other things you were struggling with.
Did you have an opportunity to spend more time with your kids because you weren't showering?
Yes, we got a chance to watch more TV. They threw me a surprise dinner party.
So it was a grateful, thankful experiment for me to be a part of.
Despite the oily skin?
Yes, despite the oily skin and everything, yeah.
So Kate, you shower in the morning normally.
That gave you some more time with yourself.
Did you feel guilty about that?
I don't feel guilty about taking time for myself because I found that that really helps me to take care of myself.
But what it did is it challenged me to find something else to fill that time with.
And just to be clear, the amount of time that you guys had was between three and four hours of extra time just in the five days.
Yes.
Massive, massive amounts of time gain.
Christine, you did not make it.
I didn't.
Although, I could see you were trying.
So what made you finally just break down and turn on the shower?
Well, I just wanted to wash it off.
I wanted to air it out, wash it off, and I just got to a point where it was getting a little distracting.
I was wearing extra clothes because I was afraid.
I was starting to smell like a man.
There's an implication there, I think.
A harsh implication.
I just think testosterone gives you a little extra stink, I would guess.
But I have to say, the times that I wanted to shower and I pushed through and didn't, that I ended up choosing doing better things than conditioning my hair or shaving my legs.
Like, better things in the world.
Better things with my time and people.
Time makes my life better, not soap.
Very well stated.
So I've got an expert who's going to comment on this.
Valerie Burton is joining us.
She's a life coach.
She mentors women on how they can reclaim their time.
Just what we're talking about.
So how does letting go impact on our emotions?
I think Christine said it beautifully.
Soap doesn't save us.
Time to take care of ourselves does.
So give us one tip, one idea of how we can all sort of let go on this need to be perfect with our appearance.
Yeah, you know, perfectionism really is based in fear and we have to stop making our decisions based on everyone else's expectations.
What are your expectations?
Do you?
That is so important because we can get very caught up in what everyone else thinks and only you know what works for you.
Let me ask you, how has this experiment changed your perspective?
What are you going to do with all that free time you're going to have now?
Me, it humbled me.
It humbled me and it also made me more grateful.
And as much as I love being perfect all the time, this taught me I don't have to be perfect all the time.
I am getting the chance to be me.
I'm in graduate school now at 45 and it's very fun and exciting but it takes a lot of time because I still have to support myself and work so I have extra time to study and I'm so thrilled about it.
Christine, my philosopher friend.
Well, it's kind of a high-class problem that I didn't get to soap up as often as I wanted to, right?
And so I just feel like it was really a chance to get to notice what I feel.
There's some things that I won't be able to get through without taking a shower.
And, you know, I don't want to put other things up.
But, I mean, intimacy.
But anyways, on another topic.
You just said it.
You said you weren't going to.
You just said it.
I'm like that.
But really, I really enjoyed getting to know me more about how I strategize, how I'm going to blow dry my hair so that I feel thin.
I'm going to put my hair up because of that outfit.
And instead, it was like, come on.
Life is short and beautiful.
So I'm not going to spend so much time obsessing on me and sort of high-class problem stuff.
Well, I'm giving you all permission to shower if you desire.
You don't have to take it.
Speaking of letting it all go, tomorrow you'll be talking about a new campaign that celebrates stretch marks.
We'll be right back with that.
The search is on.
We're looking for a nurse to join our core team of experts to provide wisdom, expert commentary, and advice.
If you'd like to nominate yourself or a nurse who's made a difference in your life, go to dros.com and click on hashtag nurse search.
We've asked two of our viewers to spend three days with a human heart.
Can my experiment get two moms to take their health seriously?
Plus statins.
Should you be on one?
I'm giving you my advice.
All new Oz.
That's coming up on Tuesday.
Tomorrow you'll be talking about a social media campaign called Love Your Lines.
This huge Instagram account celebrates women with stretch marks, not as flaws, but as natural and beautiful marks.
So when Sports Illustrated model Chrissy Teigen posted this picture, lots of reasons.
So from now on, I want you to look at your stretch marks as roadmaps of wherever you've been, where you are, and where you are going.
And I asked Dana from the audience to join us.
She brought in a picture that she posted online of her stretch marks.
Well, they're there.
How'd you get those?
Absolutely.
Three years ago, I gave birth to full-term twins.
Good for you.
And it was such a blessing and amazing, but after I gave birth, I looked in the mirror and I thought, wow, I kind of look like a little bit of a road map.
I was just covered in stretch marks, but I focused on getting my body back into shape and controlling the things that I could control.
It's been three years.
They faded.
There were no magic creams, no potions, no pills.
There's nothing I could do to control them.
They're there.
I'm proud, and I'm not going to miss out on life.
You should be, and you look fantastic.
8.6 million have shared this message on social media.
Now I want you to continue the movement, celebrate, and love your lines.
Remember, health and happiness starts at home.
I'll see you next time.
You look fabulous.
Thank you.
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