He’s been called a walking miracle. Two-time NBA World Champion Lamar Odom was found unconscious in a Nevada brothel nearly four years ago and was in critical condition, fighting for his life. In this interview, Lamar opens up to Dr. Oz about his harrowing story of survival and the truth about his road to recovery that keeps him from falling back into the dark throes of addiction. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
I mean, there was days where, you know, your heart beating too fast, and you can't sleep.
But I mean, rock bottom was that whatever I was hiding, now I was exposed.
Or people were gonna, whatever I was trying to hide is exposed because people thought I was, you know, doing drugs at this damn brothel.
But it was a bad situation, man.
Hi, I'm Dr. Oz, I'm Dr. Oz, and this is the Dr. Oz Podcast. podcast. and this is the Dr. Oz Podcast.
He's been called a walking miracle.
Two-time NBA world champion Lamar Odom was found unconscious in a Nevada brothel nearly four years ago and was in critical condition, fighting for his life.
Today, Lamar is here with his harrowing story of survival and the truth about his road to recovery that keeps him from falling back into the dark throes of addiction.
His new book, fittingly called...
Darkness to light.
What did it take for you to come here, Lamar, and talk openly about what you went through?
It takes a brave man to do that, but you've taken a life that we were all watching from afar and brought it into the light for us.
Yeah, well, therapy.
It was extremely therapeutic for me to vent in this form.
And then I wanted to let my family know exactly what I was going through.
Like, why'd he miss so many days?
You know, where was he?
I wanted to let everyone know where I was going through, where I was at mentally.
And hopefully it'll help...
Men.
All relationships that were hurt due to my addiction.
Let's start with men.
You talk in the book about your relationship with your father.
And a lot of folks listening right now have had issues with their dads.
If you don't mind, share yours with everybody.
I want people to take lessons away from yours.
Well, you know, at an early age, you know, the trauma that we go through at an early age, I think it helps shape us into the people that we become.
And on top of seeing my father and my mother go through some physical altercations, my father was a heroin addict.
So I think maybe he might have passed the gene towards me, and that was the most beneficial thing.
Lesson that my kids and I learned when my stint in rehab was that these are not choices that we make consciously.
An addict is someone who can't even make rational decisions.
That was some of the most important lessons that my family was able to learn.
The things you disliked about your father Is what in many ways you became.
Yeah, I started to become...
Yeah, and it's too bad that my family had to...
My kids really were hurt the most in my years of addiction, I would say.
Help me understand how it all came down.
So, you're an NBA superstar.
Top of your game.
Actually, let's go before that.
You played in high school.
Yeah.
Having a good time.
Anything going on in your life at that point that was a harbinger, a warning of things that were to come?
Um...
Well, I didn't really understand that I might have been past that gene.
And I'm an avid pot smoker now.
But I would hate to think that...
I don't know if it was subconscious, maybe like the pot.
I just wanted to try and make another high.
I don't know what the hell made me wanting to try cocaine because the stories that my father used to always tell me about, Len Bias, who was a famous basketball player who, when he was drafted, on the day he was drafted, he tried cocaine and OD'd.
And so it was something I never thought I would try.
I don't know if subconsciously if I wanted to get higher.
When did you first try cocaine?
I was 24, 25. So in high school, nothing much?
No, no.
College pros?
No, nothing.
Maybe like 24, 25. So what was the first time, the very first time that you started to stray?
Because at this point, you're already a superstar.
Yeah.
So why would you want to do drugs when you're already on top of your game?
game?
What wasn't filled?
I don't know if I was trying to like subconsciously feeling the loss of my mother or maybe the loss of my son.
There were a lot of losses and I don't know what I was trying to feel.
When you do cocaine, you think you're getting high, but you're getting low.
How so?
Knowing things in your nose that can cost you your life, if it hits you the wrong way, it doesn't make sense.
Why even take that risk?
So you were about 12 years old when you lost your mom.
Yeah, yeah.
What was going on in your life when that happened?
How did you deal with it?
Well, how I dealt with it was that day in basketball.
It was like my way to escape from everything at that time.
You know, when you're 12, you're confused, hurt.
You're not going to see your mother anymore.
You don't even know how to digest that and how to make sense of it.
But luckily for me, I had my grandmother and God was on my side, I guess.
Was your dad around?
Yeah, yeah.
No, not really.
Not really.
So, let's fast forward.
I'm not sure how well you could cope with your mom's loss.
Yes, you have support.
You've got God.
You've got the love of your grandmom.
Life's not full.
Then you lose your child.
Yeah.
I think that's the one that I'm probably still hurt from the most.
I don't think I've...
I even had the opportunity as the rock in my family, even to grieve, if that makes sense.
I always felt like I had to put on, you know, be strong for everyone else.
I don't know if I even took the time to deal with that.
Even if you were the rock on the outside, what were you feeling on the inside?
Could you imagine losing a six-month-year-old?
No.
That's why I'm asking.
I used to look at you.
I used to walk into the room and this little dude used to stare at me without me even saying anything.
I knew he knew who his father was in his place.
His face is tattooed on my chest and he'll always be with me.
But I mean, you know, it hurts like hell.
It hurts like hell.
You don't even know how to digest it.
You don't even know to make sense of it.
But I think one of the only ways I was able to get over it, I didn't ask why.
I didn't ask why.
And if I'm not mistaken, he passed away the same day as my grandmother.
So to me, that was like, you know, like spiritually, I felt connected.
Maybe that she was telling me that she got him.
Yeah, she got him.
Yeah.
So, through the emotional strife, and some of it may have given you the drive to become the athlete.
Oh, it definitely did.
It definitely did.
Even though playing in the NBA, it felt like it was my destiny.
Like, I knew at eight or nine years old what I was going to be doing, which is also a blessing.
So you're playing the game, but now you're starting to do drugs and cocaine, which you very wisely, sagely are saying it wasn't a high, it was a low.
Yeah.
Because it admits to you that you couldn't cope.
Yeah.
Were you thinking about how that would affect your game, how it would affect your career?
Yeah.
At the time, I would say no.
I was being selfish.
But I think about all those summers that was kind of wasted where I could have been perfecting my craft and becoming the best player that I possibly could.
And, you know, that's probably the one thing that I regret about, you know, doing drugs or having this weakness that I couldn't control.
Just the time missed from everything, from my family the most.
My children.
Yeah.
How's your relationship with your family now?
It's great.
It's great.
I think it's been healed.
But, you know, when you go through things and you get beat down, sometimes the only thing you have to lean on is your family and yourself.
The forgiveness process is hard.
It's hard for you to forgive yourself, I guess.
That's why I'm so impressed you're so honest about what you went through.
Hard for people who loved you, trusted you, to forgive you for having wronged them.
Yeah.
And that's what this, like, this book, it's like, it's just like letting them know where I was at mentally and, you know, why I was going down such a dark road.
You know, but I'm here now and I'm a fighter and I didn't give up.
What did they say to you when you realized that you need to talk to them and be honest with what was going down?
Well, my daughter is really proud of me.
And that's really all I live for.
It's for the love of my kids.
That really keeps me going.
Really keeps my motor running.
I lived selfishly for so long.
It hurts me even to say that, but you know what I mean?
I lived selfishly for so long.
So it was just time to give back.
A lot of people listening right now are living selfishly.
They just don't know it yet.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a time to give back.
My time is now for everything.
Alright, we're just scratching the surface here.
here.
We've got a lot more to discuss, so stay with us after the break.
So let's go through some of the things you did.
I I'm curious about them only because I'm wondering how your mind was working as you got through these things.
Because you're so brutally honest, which I respect.
Maybe we can shed some light for all the rest of us on how this even happens.
Because we look around at people that we admire, superstars, and we wonder how...
What went down?
Let me go back 15 years.
One of the dreams that every basketball player has is representing their country in the Olympics.
So you're picked for the team, not surprisingly, because it was an incredible mix of talent.
And you realize you might have an issue because you got a drug test.
And everyone's been reading the tabloids about what went down.
But I'm just curious what was going through your mind when you realized, I could be thrown away the dream of my life because of these drug issues.
You know, and I brought this story up.
Like, the one thing, I didn't want to cause any controversy with USA Basketball.
The hardest part about reading this book was me being, like, too honest.
Like, I didn't want to offend the...
The Kobe Bryant's or the Pat Riley's or the Phil Jackson's.
People that took a common interest in me and that were really genuine with me, I didn't really want to offend them.
So I guess that was the hardest part about being completely honest in this book, but...
You know, my honesty set me free.
And hopefully it can, you know, people that are going through it that can't get over a death or can't get through their addiction, hopefully it can help them.
Hopefully it can give them a push in the right direction.
So you're sitting there, you're about to go through the drug test.
Just to recount, you have a...
I don't know.
Whose idea was it to get a prostitute?
There was a friend of mine's who is a good friend.
I just wish that he could have been a better friend and kept me away from the drugs.
But I've been smoking marijuana that whole summer and doing God knows what.
It was marijuana.
Smoking marijuana that whole summer.
I knew that I couldn't embarrass myself or USA basketball.
Decided to use a fake penis.
We had to clean urine.
But that thinking, that was just by any means necessary.
You know, always was a dream of mine to play USA basketball.
You know, had to make it happen.
It has to be fresh urine, right?
It has to be warm urine.
Yeah, it was scary, though.
The whole process was scary.
I'm thinking, like, damn, if I get caught, you know, everything will be over.
Since I'm a doctor, I'm trying to envision how this happens.
Because if I was watching someone pee, I'd probably be able to tell that it was legit or not.
Yeah, but I forgot the fake thing.
You're not really just on it.
You can't really tell.
Yeah, you're not going to stare.
So where's the actual urine held?
Is there a bladder behind the fake penis?
Yeah, it has like a little ball sack in it.
You just...
They actually make a fake penis with a ball sack?
Yeah, because it has to keep it warm.
Oh my goodness.
So you're peeing to the cop, the drug tester comes over, sees that it's warm, dips it, tests it.
Well, you don't get the test right away, but obviously you know that you pass when they don't come knock on your door.
And so when he said, welcome to USA Basketball, or whatever he said, how did that affect you?
I made it.
It worked.
But I'll bring this to light.
I'm laughing about it now, but it's something that I'm not proud of.
Obviously, I really think...
I'm almost ashamed.
To be honest, I could have let my country down, you know.
It's a bad situation.
Were you worried by telling the story now that they could take your medal back from you?
A little bit.
A little bit.
We won the bronze.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, those are the consequences and repercussions I gotta live with, I guess.
In the middle of all this, the pressure on you is mounting.
You're keeping up with the Kardashians.
Then you had your own show, Chloe Lamar.
Folks are all over you.
They're watching you.
They're staring at you.
They're gawking at you, actually.
Half of them are watching because they want to be like you.
The other half are watching a train wreck and not sure what's going down.
All this while you're camouflaging the weaknesses.
The problem.
Through that process, Were you having imposter syndrome, thinking, I'm not worthy of this, or are you thinking, heck with it all, life's not worth living, I lost my son?
No.
Life's always been worth living.
And it's funny that you say that, because that's the slogan for my CBD line, is worth living.
But life's always been worth living to me.
I never wanted to take my own life or anything like that.
It's always been worth living.
Yeah.
But as those shows are airing, you're more and more in the public eye.
People are getting to know you intimately.
Yeah.
And that was a different part of reality TV than just being a sportsman.
Being a sportsman, people would think they know you.
But being a reality TV star, they really, really feel like they know you.
And so adding the two...
It was a tough combination to deal with, but I've played the best basketball in my career when I was married to Chloe.
I won the Sixth Man of the Year award.
It took a great deal of concentration and commitment to do that.
I think that was my proudest sports moment.
I always admired the Sixth Man because it meant that you could be selfless.
You could come off the bench and be better than the people who started the game.
That's right.
I didn't start every game that year, but I finished them.
Yeah, you finished them.
That's good.
So when you're gone, and again, in the honesty in the book, you've talked about the fact that you've had sexual intercourse with 2,000 women.
That was me being narcissistic, but it was 1,999.
No, I don't know.
You know, I have a daughter.
That I respect.
And women in my life that I respect.
I wouldn't want to disrespect them, but I was just trying to bring the life to the book or letting people know.
Let them see life through my eyes.
Well, you were honest with the fact that you were addicted to sex.
I think when someone says they've had intimacy that many times, it's not about being in love with that many women.
It's about something that some unfulfilled need you have, just like with drugs.
So I'm just curious how that gets translated.
In recovery, which is where you are now.
When you...
If you're talking to Chloe or other folks that you've...
In this case, very specifically, being unfaithful to her, how do you cross that barrier until it becomes a healing experience as opposed to the darkness that you were in before?
How do you bring light to it?
Well, I think what really made me go hard with my sexual addiction was because when I... When I thought of cocaine, I thought of having sex.
So they came hand to hand.
And I'm not doing cocaine anymore.
So a lot of the addictions, though, are just starting to slip away.
Yeah, the triggers go.
They were triggers for each other.
So take me back, if you can, to that fateful day where you nearly died.
I remember I was on the set and I heard the story of what happened.
And like many, I'd heard rumors here and there, but it just didn't seem believable.
So you're in this brothel, you're in Vegas, and you're doing cocaine.
I didn't do cocaine at night though, and a lot of people, they don't know that, but when you have a history, and I tell people that, they're like, okay, whatever.
But I don't know what they were able to do to me or anything, but it almost worked.
But I'm just living testimony at the ears of God.
What happened that night?
How did you end up?
I don't know.
I was asleep.
Next thing I know, I woke up.
Honest with you.
You just passed out?
Yeah, I couldn't.
When I woke up, I couldn't walk.
I couldn't talk.
Scary.
So, again, as a doctor, from what I can tell, it looked like, first of all, you shouldn't be here, right?
I mean, there's no way you should be sitting across from me, lucidly describing your recovery.
You had a bunch of strokes, small ones.
So how do you put all the pieces together in your own mind?
Do you have no recall of any of this?
No, no, I was sleep, man.
You know, you're a doctor, you know being a coma is, no.
You miss the fun.
Yeah, I miss that.
I miss that.
But maybe, well, the reason why I'm here is to let people know.
Why do you call that day rock bottom?
I mean, obviously, you almost died, I get that.
But why that day in particular?
Were there other warning days before that where you thought, I can't keep doing this?
I mean, well, there was days where, you know, your heart beating too fast.
Man, you can't sleep.
And, you know what I'm saying?
You realize, like, damn, why'd I do that?
And, of course, the effects of cocaine the next day is harsh.
Um...
But, I mean, rock bottom was that whatever I was hiding now is exposed.
Or people gonna...
Whatever I was trying to hide is exposed because people thought I was, you know, doing drugs at this damn brothel.
Um...
But it was a bad situation, man.
Why did you go to the Bunny Ranch that day?
You know what's funny?
Because I remember actually watching the Bunny Ranch on HBO. Right.
Yeah.
And it's funny that you even bring that up.
I remember watching it with my ex-wife.
Then I wound up going there.
It's crazy.
Is that why you went there?
Because you'd seen it?
Yeah, I seen it on TV. Seen it on HBO. It's nuts.
Were you curious?
What made you want to see the inside of a spot you've already seen on television?
Just being a freak.
In every which way of the word.
Looking for it.
And me and Chloe were going through it at that time.
She was trying to make the divorce final and everything.
So I wasn't in a good place, good headspace mentally.
It was a great time for someone to take advantage of me.
So what do you think happened?
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
I don't know how they got it into my system or what.
But whatever it was, you know, I think about it all the time.
It's like sometimes I think like, Why did he pick me to do it to?
You know, like, what would he get out of harming me?
Who's he?
The guy that worked Bunny Ranch, Dennis Hoff?
Dennis, yeah.
And it's hard for me to even understand that.
But if I'm not mistaken, I think he passed away in the same room I overdosed in.
I know he passed away.
I didn't know it was the same room.
I heard it was the same room.
Did you ever ask him?
No, I didn't get to ask him.
I didn't get to see him.
But, you know, he has a family.
I wouldn't want to disrespect his legacy or his memory.
There's lots more when we come back.
So you don't remember passing out.
You end up at the hospital, your whole family is running over to try to manage you.
Yeah.
Were you, when you awakened and you realized that Chloe's around you and your kids are, you know, how did that affect you?
Well, I think the part that Chloe was there, because at that point in time of our relationship, you know, me getting, me being found in a brothel, I would think that would give her all the energy to, like, keep him away from me, just stay away from me.
But not just because of that, but because she was there and bringing me pictures of my mother to help get my memory back, making sure I had the best in physical therapy, making sure I had the best doctors to get my speech back and talk.
I mean, that was amazing.
She's like she's an angel.
Let's me know that God is real.
You still love her?
Mm-hmm.
You're never going to lose love for someone that you marry after 30 days.
You know what I mean?
That'll never go anywhere.
So, the injuries that you sustained that Chloe and others helped you get past seem to have recovered quite a bit.
Yeah, I mean, that's why I'm doing all these things for mental health.
Ketamine.
Did it work?
I think so.
Just help me open up.
Did they give you ketamine for depression or post-traumatic stress disorder?
I do it for everything.
Yeah, it takes more than...
What's that experience like when they give you ketamine?
Because it just got FDA approved for...
Yeah, well, for the first time I did ketamine, I... It's crazy because I've filmed a documentary on Academy.
The first time I did it, it was like I went to heaven.
Just felt all this overwhelm of love and emotion.
And then, you know, you hallucinate.
I've always been against doing drugs intravenously, you know, because of my father's history.
But, you know, if I could take this intravenous medicine and it can help clear my depression or anxiety...
And just make me better, hope I open my third eye, then I'll do it every day.
You have two things that are really cool.
The first is the third eye.
What do you know about the third eye?
I just know it makes you better.
Explain it to everybody at home.
Well, I mean, if you can see things for what they truly are, and the good, the bad, and the ugly...
And learn from them?
Then why not use it?
And I think a lot of people are scared to tap into it because a lot of us are scared of greatness or scared to understand how great we can be.
How much potential that we each have.
That we all have.
I think that's important.
Were you scared of greatness?
For a long time.
A long time.
Yeah.
Yeah, hopefully this book is not the first step, but not the first and the last step to greatness.
So let me go back to the first time they offered ketamine to you.
What was the situation?
What was going on that they said, hey, listen.
No, I have this friend who I started the CBD company with.
He's from Utah.
He was a special person to me.
He came into my life and he just knew what I was going through.
And he said, Lamar, I got this plant medicine.
I can't quit ketamine.
I was like, what?
I'm not really into sticking needles in my arm.
And I tried it, and it started to work immediately.
Oh, he gave you the ketamine?
Yeah.
No, he didn't personally give it to me, ketamine, but of course we got it with doctors and did the ketamine in Utah.
And how often are you taking ketamine now?
The last four or five months, I probably took it like four or five times.
It's cool.
And what do you think about folks listening right now who might be actually depressed or in recovery or having issues with post-traumatic stress disorder, vets returning back, trying ketamine?
Well, be open up.
Open up your heart and your mind to getting better.
It's not easy.
And it ain't gonna just come to you.
It ain't gonna just fall in your lap.
You gotta go out and search for it.
When you walked out of that hospital alive, Were you already in recovery, or was that just the very beginning, the wake-up call, and you couldn't even process it?
I couldn't process it.
I didn't know where I was at.
There's some things that I'm still trying to process, and I think the ketamine, when I can say it can open you up, I had a problem with being empathetic.
You did?
Yeah.
I don't know where that came from.
I've always been a people person, but I just always had a problem of showing empathy.
Because you seem pretty empathetic to me.
Yeah.
We're talking about the book.
Do you feel like you're fully recovered from the injuries you sustained at the Bunny Ranch?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, they should have tried.
I'll leave it alone.
Did you what?
No, I feel like I fully recovered.
Alright.
You're still working on the big question we all face in our lives.
Who are we really?
Who is Lamar Odom?
Well, you know what?
I'll be 40 November 6th.
And I can honestly say I'm still learning a little bit about myself every day.
But my grandmother told me, when you stop learning is when you stop living.
So I'm living, so I'm forever learning about myself, about everything around me every day.
You've got a wise grandmother.
Listen, I really, really enjoyed meeting with you.
I treasure your honesty.
I think you're going to change a lot of lives.
You can hear lots more about Lamar and his fantastic memoir, Darkness to Light.
