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Dec. 20, 2019 - No Agenda

02:08:56

1201: John's Story Time

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	Adam Curry, Chauncey Dvorak.
	It's Sunday, December 22nd, 2019.
	This is your award-winning Gitmo Nation Media Assassination Episode 1201.
	This is No Agenda.
	Holding hands, telling stories, and broadcasting almost live from Opportunity Zone 33 in the frontier of Austin, Texas.
	Capital of the growing star state in the morning, everybody.
	I'm Adam Curry.
	And from northern Silicon Valley, where the weather has changed once again to kind of nil, I'm John C. Dvorak.
	It's Crackpot and Buzzkill.
	In the morning.
	Amazing how you can do a weather report on a show like this.
	Neil from the Buzzkill.
	Because there's no weather, this is like pre-recorded.
	Yes, this is episode 1201.
	We are almost live, which means we're not.
	I'm on a quick trip with the Keeper in New York.
	John, God knows what you're doing.
	You're probably just sitting at home.
	You're probably just sitting in your chair, listening to the show as it rolls, aren't you?
	Exactly.
	Now, this is a special show, and we actually solicited this.
	You want to explain what we're doing today on the show?
	Yeah, what happened was one of our producers, and this has happened a couple of times, but this guy decided, hey, you know, I like John's stories.
	What would you think if I put a collection together and you'd just be a bunch of anecdotes because they're amusing?
	Yeah.
	And so he did, and we listened to it, and it was funny to a point.
	Of course, I'm a more bad critic of myself.
	And by the way, the person we're talking about is Sir Rupinwaffles.
	He was knighted for this, and Sir Rupinwaffles put this project together.
	Yes, let's get that straight.
	And then after that, he did one of Adam's stories because I felt it was unbalanced.
	And we're not playing that today because apparently I have enough stories to carry a show.
	And so that's what we're going to play.
	Now we're going to start this off with Adam's kind of discussion of how this came about and kind of a meta sense.
	We're going to play that and that's going to go right into the stories.
	I have a note.
	Two notes.
	One, this is two shows that haven't been written as I haven't gotten to it.
	We have a producer project, which I think will be fantastic for a future show, a compilation show.
	And this is not an easy task.
	It's only for people who really have been listening to the show for a while and kind of know where to seek this out.
	We think it would be a great show to have John's stories.
	Just one after another.
	So the stories like you when you're frozen on the motorcycle trying to pick up the chick.
	Another one is when you were learning how to fight chemical fires.
	There's a bunch of them.
	Actually, I told a story last night about my first time I shot an elephant gun story.
	Oh, we don't know this story.
	Here's a fine example.
	Come on.
	No, I don't think so.
	Alright, so I'm shooting with this guy.
	First of all, he's a Silicon Valley CEO, and he makes me promise to never mention that he was...
	Doing this.
	He's shooting because he's got a huge gun collection.
	It's great to shoot with him.
	So, I'm shooting with him.
	He does mention this one side story, which is, he says, above all people, he says, do not tell John Doerr.
	The Kleiner Perkins CEO. Because John Doerr is an extreme anti-gun nut to the point where there was a Halloween party recently.
	Not recently.
	It was probably five or six years ago.
	I remember the story.
	Yes.
	Somebody comes in with a kid's cowboy outfit as their Halloween thing.
	I think that was Randy...
	Who's the guy who wrote The Riddle and the Monk?
	Randy...
	Douchebag.
	Don't know.
	Randy Comisar.
	Yeah.
	Comes in with the cowboy outfit on and a toy gun, and apparently a door went ballistic over this toy gun being at the party.
	I've heard this story.
	Anyway, so we go out shooting, and so we're shooting all these different guns.
	They get to shoot a Masul fireball, which is a really interesting gun to shoot, and some other things.
	And so there's this elephant gun.
	And so he says, so I actually hit the target.
	That was a big deal, because you can't really aim it, because you can't really hold it steady enough.
	It's one of those shots where you're moving, because the damn gun weighs like 50 pounds, and you're trying to move around.
	And as it crosses the target, you shoot, hoping to hit the target, that kind of thing.
	Mm-hmm.
	But before I wear the gun, it gives me this...
	It's like a football thing.
	It's a bunch of padding.
	Oh, for your shoulder, yeah.
	Big thing.
	And so this gun, you shoot this thing, and you go back about, I don't know, four feet.
	It just pushes you back.
	And so JC was also shooting.
	And should I shoot this thing?
	I said, no.
	This thing is not any fun at all.
	And so the next day...
	When I took a shower, this is the punchline to the story, I take off my shirt and I look, my entire chest, the right side of my chest was solid black and blue.
	From the shoulder down to the stomach, it was...
	And this is with the padding.
	There's some powerful weapons out there.
	Oh, yeah.
	Okay, so let's not include that one, but...
	I think you've only got two then.
	Yeah.
	I took my motorcycle up to Tahoe to see B.B. King and I figured I'd gamble.
	How old were you?
	I don't remember.
	24?
	Something like that.
	Did you have long flowing hair?
	No, I have very thin hair.
	I still have pretty much the hair.
	What was the motorcycle?
	What kind of motorcycle?
	It was a Kawasaki Triple.
	Rice burner.
	Okay.
	Oh, it was fast.
	Anyway, if it got too long, I'd get these split ends and make my face itch.
	So I never could grow really long hair, because it would drive me nuts.
	So I go up there, and I go to the tables before the concert, and I win, I don't know, $200, $300.
	And I decide that instead of spending the night, I'm going to come back after the B.B. King concert.
	I go watch it, and I had a great seat.
	It was right in front.
	It was like a lounge act, B.B. King.
	And you were doing blow or just drinking scotch?
	No, I wasn't doing anything, no.
	Scotch?
	No.
	Even weed?
	I'm on a motorcycle.
	Some moods?
	Bad enough with the big gouges in Highway 80 that you could get killed just driving back.
	So I say, at the concert stores around midnight, I say, hell with it, I'm driving home.
	I'll save the hotel...
	And I'll just drive home.
	So it's not quite snowing, but it's below zero.
	So it's freezing.
	You're aware that it's snowing.
	But I'm going to get there.
	Once I get down the hill, it's not going to be snowing for long.
	Wow.
	And so I start to get, what do you call it when you get too cold?
	It's called hypothermia.
	Hypothermia.
	I started getting hypothermia.
	And so I'm driving.
	And so I go into a gas station and make the mistake of warming up, which is, you know, because if you're going to be cold, you don't want to go warm, cold, warm, cold.
	So I started shivering like a maniac after I left the gas station, after I warmed up.
	So I started driving.
	On the entrance...
	There is a beautiful woman hitchhiking.
	I mean, dynamite.
	She was dressed up in a lot of gear.
	You can just see her face.
	She's fantastic.
	And so, she's hitchhiking, and I pull over to ask her if she wants to go, but I'm so cold and freezing, I say to her, I'm so cold and freezing, I say to her, And she takes a look at me like I'm a crazy guy.
	She pulls out her gun.
	No, she slowly walks backwards like Homer Simpson.
	Says, no thanks.
	And I realized, like...
	And so I said, fuck it.
	And I just drove off.
	Yeah, that's right.
	Yeah, I couldn't talk.
	How to Pick Up Chicks by John C. Dvorak.
	I visited the mansion or the former mansion of the antebellum or the Civil War.
	I guess it was a state officer, Cassius Clay, who was Henry Clay's, I think his brother.
	Okay.
	And Cassius Clay had this place outside of Lexington, Kentucky.
	People are going to start writing.
	You don't know anything, but I think it's outside of Lexington.
	So I went in there, and Cassius Clay is this very famous senator, and he...
	One time, a cannon, apparently, and he was an abolitionist, which was not popular in the area.
	And so they tried to, like, fuck with him and the locals, including the sheriff and the local police.
	And he had a cannon in front of his house that he'd fill with shrapnel.
	And when they came to either get him or arrest him or harass him or whatever they were going to do, he'd shoot it at him.
	Which was his Second Amendment right to being exercised.
	Exactly.
	And, you know, eventually they stopped coming over.
	And he needed to do that, otherwise, you know, bad things were going to happen to him, no thanks to the local authorities.
	And I've always thought that was like, you know, people moan and groan about it.
	It's all weapons, all the rest.
	This guy has like a cannon that he's shooting.
	And so I'm always thinking back on that, like, what would have happened if he didn't have the cannon?
	I was in the luncheon place talking to some guy who was one of these guys who went to all those concerts like I used to do.
	And I noticed there was one curious thing that happened at the concert that I thought was odd.
	In the middle of one of their songs, which was one of the songs that had a break in it, when they'd be singing and singing and going crazy and they'd have a break and then Jimmy Page would rip into a guitar solo.
	At the moment of the break, somebody in the left-hand back corner let out a blood-curdling shriek that matched beautifully.
	The timing and everything was perfect for the music.
	It really added a dimension to the song.
	Well, they actually got stabbed?
	No, it was just somebody screeching.
	But it stuck in my mind as awkwardly perfect.
	And you miss it on the record?
	I went to this guy and I said, what day did you go?
	And he went some other day and I said, did you notice?
	And I pointed out to him specifically this blood-curdling shriek at this one moment in the song in the back of the room, you know, in the corner.
	And he said, yeah, I thought that was weird.
	I heard that too.
	So apparently they were ahead of their times with setting these shills into the audience.
	Oh, cool.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
	But ever since then, I think I've been skeptical about everything.
	I had this book, and it reminded me of this.
	I told people this.
	I can look at a guy and tell if he's had a vasectomy.
	Really?
	Face.
	The face.
	And I'm not talking about you now.
	Okay, wait a minute.
	Let me just get this straight.
	Let me just get this straight.
	So amongst your many talents, and remember, John has worked for oil companies, he's a master chef, he's a wine connoisseur, he's a technology expert, he used to hand deliver a PC magazine to all 30,000 subscribers.
	Bowler.
	Not only that, but you can tell just by looking at a guy's face whether he's had a vasectomy or not.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Now, how I got clued into this, let me back up a little bit.
	Oh, please do.
	I had this book, and I just irked to no end that I've lost this book, although I think I might be able to find it in one of the library searches that Google and Microsoft are doing.
	I think it's still around.
	It was a book done in the 20s.
	It was a book on health.
	In the 1920s, vasectomies were used as a way of making people look more youthful.
	It wasn't for birth control.
	It was done for the purposes of, like, instead of a facelift, you'd get a vasectomy.
	Really?
	And it would make you look younger, and they showed all these pictures in this book.
	And I looked at these pictures, and I looked at enough of them, and then I knew enough guys who had vasectomies that I looked at them, and I could see what it does.
	It makes, for some reason, and it does, you know, I talk to people about this, well, they say it makes no sense because all it does is this and that.
	How could it do what you're describing?
	I'm just saying, in the 20s, Vasectomies were used as a youth serum.
	People get a vasectomy and they look younger by a little bit.
	But in fact, they didn't look younger.
	They look different.
	It's a little puffier and a little more, it's a little softer.
	It's kind of hard to describe, but I'm telling you the truth.
	I have seen, and I've actually done this with friends that have had vasectomies, and just without coming, I say, I just look at them and say, you've had a vasectomy, right?
	And the guy said, 99% of the time, I'm right.
	Als je dit zo verder begift lesen dan vert je in de lager lenden ongefeld vetroeter, John.
	Vrag mar an Bobby.
	There's nothing funnier than making you say stuff in Dutch.
	Binge, Don, Vat, Julie, Don, Julie, G.
	That, you know, you're Dutch.
	When you go to Holland, you're getting laid so bad, my friend.
	Just say that.
	What you just said there was great.
	Uh, Martin Van Gelen.
	In Benin and Lewin.
	Uh, you know, he sends in this donation just to hear you mess it up.
	It's Martijn van Galenlast.
	Yeah, Martijn.
	Van Galenlast.
	Van Halenlast.
	Van Halenlast.
	Galen.
	Galen.
	Benedeleeuwen.
	Yeah.
	Gert van Triep.
	Gert van Triep.
	Triep.
	Forget it.
	Gert van Triep.
	Get it together, man.
	Gert van Triep.
	Gert van Triep.
	Yeah, yeah, there you go.
	I nailed it.
	Yeah, oh yeah.
	Yeah, I nailed it.
	Oh yeah, awesome.
	I nailed it.
	Jaren Van Aar.
	Okay, let's try Jeroen.
	Jaren Van Aar.
	Don't be a dick.
	Just go Jeroen.
	Jeroen.
	There you go.
	Van Aar.
	Van Aar.
	From Schaik.
	Schaik.
	Schaik.
	No.
	Schaik.
	Close enough.
	Jaren Hanninga.
	Jeroen Hüttinga.
	Jeroen Hüttingha.
	Hüttingha.
	Hüttingha.
	Just don't make fun of it.
	Just try to do it.
	Hüttingha.
	Hüttingha.
	There's no N. You're putting an N where there is none.
	Hüttingha.
	Hüttingha.
	No.
	I can't get the N in there.
	There's an N in there.
	But you're putting the N before the T. It's Hüttingha.
	Hüttingha.
	Oh, I see what you're saying.
	Okay.
	You're right.
	In Wenningen.
	Wageningen.
	Wageningen.
	Yeah, okay.
	There's this woman that came on the PBS NewsHour, and unfortunately the NewsHour ballest wonders that they are wouldn't really go after her for not answering any questions whatsoever.
	She's Lisa Monaco, and you can look her up, and she just looks like a...
	She hot?
	No.
	She looks like a person that couldn't get a date if she wanted to, because she's grim.
	No, no, no.
	I'm not going to agree with you.
	Oh, you have to see her on video.
	It's different.
	She's more photogenic than when you see her actually moving.
	There's a BrewerReport.com has a very flattering picture of her.
	Well, she's not flattering, especially after you listen to her talk.
	Wow, I love the one with her in the bra.
	What?
	No, it's not her.
	I'm sorry.
	It's got a poor name.
	She has a poor name.
	Bisa Monaco.
	Here comes Raven.
	Give it up for Raven.
	John, are you making it rain again?
	Someone's getting corn-holed today.
	Sounds like a recipe for success to me.
	John, you actually just did a strip bar announcement, didn't you?
	Yeah.
	I know guys who do that job.
	I've done it.
	When I was 16, I did it.
	In Amsterdam.
	Do it and I'll play the clip.
	Well, no, because it doesn't lead into the clip properly.
	I like to get these things out in an ab-lib fashion.
	Well, you have to do your welcome to the stage when someone makes it rain.
	Everybody give it up for Amber!
	No, you already did Amber.
	Oh, I got to have Ravens!
	How do you know these things?
	Straight from Reseda, here she is, Raven!
	Give it up!
	Up next, Bambi!
	Bambi to the stage!
	Bambi to the stage!
	Wow, you do know it.
	Okay, I'll do Raven, then we'll come back to you.
	Straight from Reseda, here she is, Raven!
	Give it All right, John, go!
	Ladies and gentlemen, a big round of applause for that petite hot bombshell, Janine, as she comes off the stage.
	Find her in the private dance rooms where you can live like a king with lap dances on sale.
	That's for your discount coupon and free private dance card available at the bar.
	Buy ten dances, get one free.
	Now to the main stage is Sharona.
	She likes dirt bikes, dirty dancing, dirty boys, and Star Trek, as Sulu would say.
	Oh my Sharona!
	Give it up to Sharona!
	Shirley and Donna.
	Shirley and Donna will be doing a lesbian act on stage two.
	Bring them up.
	Bring them up.
	Shirley and Donna.
	These two hotties can be seen at the club on Wednesday Mud Wrestling.
	Get a lap dance today and the girls will give you a voucher for free entrance.
	Is that it?
	And we had someone forget his wallet in the champagne room?
	Who was it?
	I forget who it was.
	That's the ladies and gentlemen.
	and wallet found.
	All right, John.
	I don't know.
	I'm going to go shopping.
	I think I'm going to do some Christmas shopping.
	I haven't even started.
	That's this week.
	I'm going to do Christmas shopping.
	I did get a good bottle of quality vinegar that they were selling at a closeout price yesterday.
	I felt real good about that.
	Oh, I'm so happy for you.
	What I always like to do is get a good white wine vinegar.
	I make my own vinegar, too, but with the stuff that's commercial, I'll buy a good white wine vinegar, and then you buy a bunch of tarragon, and then you take half of it if it's a big enough bunch, and you shove it in the vinegar, and you just leave it in there for about three to six months, and then you use that vinegar, and it's an outstanding product.
	Another culinary tip from John C. Dvorak.
	The thing that's interesting about PG Tips to me and a lot of these other teas, and we were talking about Sainsbury's has a nice, I think it's called Red Label, which is a competitor, is that the British, when they were colonizing the world, they did these long-term deals all over the place for things like tea.
	I don't know how long the contract is for the various tea providers, but they get some of the best tea in the world because they kind of locked down these deals permanently back in the 1800s.
	Isn't that in some way related to upcoming December 16th when we commemorate the Boston Tea Party?
	Yeah, the Boston Tea Party, if you study enough American history, of course, this gets pretty peculiar as to why the Boston Tea Party took place, but they were trying to shove tea down everybody's throat, and they were also stealing it from China and making them take opium.
	But that was later.
	Here, boys, have some opium.
	Give us the tea.
	One of the guys in the papers in the 2000-page document, 2000-plus pages, is Marvin Minsky.
	Big shot at the media lab.
	Major, major guy.
	I remember running into him.
	In fact, he personally threw me out of a meeting.
	Do tell!
	We need to hear this.
	Tell us first who Marvin Minsky is and then how you got kicked out of the meeting.
	One of the famous...
	Artificial intelligence guys from the 80s, the first go-round, and maybe even the one before.
	Every 30 years or so, this artificial AI. Didn't he kind of write the book on artificial intelligence?
	He wrote a book.
	At least he published it.
	Well, you got me on that.
	So I got invited as a lark by Will Hurst.
	To go into the media lab with the executives of the Hearst Corporation who are getting a tour where you didn't have to sign a non-disclosure.
	Uh-huh.
	And I was like, Hearst and I were just wandering.
	We're kind of just wandering.
	We're just in the group.
	There's about one, two, three, maybe eight, nine people.
	And including the CEO and Randy Hurst and all these other people.
	We're going through this thing and we're getting to see the dog and pony show that they put on.
	Which is where I found out a number of interesting things that I used later in certain columns because I could.
	I didn't have to worry about being non-disclosed on any of it.
	And so we're going from meeting to meeting where these guys are just full of crap and they're showing us everything in the place.
	Got a great tour.
	And I had a few guests.
	Ribald comments to make.
	And so we go into this final meeting, and there's Minsky in there with the guy that was ahead at the time whose name is deluding me, involved with Wired magazine.
	And Minsky sees me.
	He knows who I am.
	And he says, what's this guy doing here?
	What's Dvorak doing here?
	Pretty much.
	This guy.
	And everybody's looking left and right, and I'm sitting there with a stupid smile on my face.
	And they asked me to leave.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, so Will, actually Will left with me.
	The two of us left.
	Oh, that's cool.
	At least he was showing some solidarity.
	He was glad to get out of it, from what I could tell.
	Yeah.
	And so we left.
	It was at the end anyway, so who cares?
	And we went out and did something in Boston somewhere.
	And then as you left, like, shh, that's the mouse guy.
	Shh, shh, shh.
	Hey, so there's a restaurant opening up down this, you know, from the Pacho headquarters.
	If you go down, was it Bryant?
	No, Brannon.
	Go down Brannon to 4th, I guess, just a little bit beyond that.
	So I was, while you were doing this, I was spending the day down in Half Moon Bay at the Ritz-Carlton.
	I had the always-on conference with a bunch of venture capital guys.
	I didn't get that much out of it.
	I did see a bunch of people I needed to see and schmoozed.
	The PR woman that runs the Ritz-Carlton there used to be my booker at Tech TV. Your hooker?
	The booker.
	Booker.
	I used to, and so I know her, and she's been, you can spend the night, you know, you can have free, you know, whatever.
	I can't ever go down there.
	Cool, cool.
	It's just me, but you know, she was...
	Is she hot?
	She's a nice woman.
	You sound like one of these guys who's on the forum here.
	No, I mean it.
	John, I say this to you at the office about women.
	Why should I be any different on this show?
	There's the evidence against you.
	Anyway, so she's a good-looking woman.
	I've always liked her.
	She's very pleasant and a great PR person.
	She's really smart, but I didn't know she was a mega foodie.
	Oh, wow.
	And so she's starting her own agency and she's going to do wine and food PR. Well, excellent.
	Excellent.
	But anyway, I got to meet the chef and I got to tour of the place and I did all this stuff where that was going on and had a bunch of free food down there.
	I don't know where that story was going.
	I had a point to make before you brought up that.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	Some years ago, I got irked listening to Carly Fiorina give a speech, and I noticed other women CEOs started to say this phrase, and it's the phrase that bugs me, and the phrase is by and large.
	And by and large, da-da-da, by and large.
	And I could never tell whether it was by in large or by and large.
	And what does it mean, by and large?
	So I heard some guy on the TV the other night saying it.
	One of the politicians says, well, by and large, blah, blah, blah.
	And I'm thinking, by and large, by and large, where does this phrase come from and why do people use it and what does it mean?
	And what is it?
	Is it by and large?
	Is it by in large?
	Doesn't it come from old English or something?
	Does it?
	And why are we using it?
	I think maybe I mentioned it.
	When I hear it, I just cringe.
	I don't know why it annoys me so much.
	It's also probably a phrase that someone is implementing just to buy some time while they're thinking about what bullshit they're going to say next.
	By and large, that's probably true.
	So let's talk about Star Wars.
	Okay.
	I have not seen Star Wars, obviously.
	I would say...
	This is The Farce Awakens, is the title of this?
	The Farce Awakens.
	It is what I thought it was.
	I read a bunch of...
	Well, hold on, John.
	Stop.
	Stop for a second.
	I think maybe it would be...
	More interesting, the way you review the movie, you could convince me to actually go see it.
	Do you think that's possible?
	No.
	Well, then hold on.
	Let me get my beer, and then I'll just listen to you.
	All right, go ahead.
	It's a formy one.
	Sounds more like a soda.
	All right.
	BEEP The review of Star Wars the movie.
	Alright.
	First I've read all the negative reviews before I went to see it.
	To get in the mood.
	Yeah.
	And the best review, which I think people should take with them when they go see the movie if they haven't seen it already, it's they're running a lot in this movie.
	They're running and running and running and running.
	There's a lot of running.
	There's a lot of running.
	Now wait a minute.
	Isn't there a hot new girl in the cast?
	Yeah, this is the girl that did that interview I sent you the link to.
	Oh, the coke head.
	That one.
	She's cute.
	Oh, she's very cute.
	She's a pleasant actress.
	She really is pleasant.
	She's pleasant.
	She's good.
	She's not a crappy actress.
	She's a good actress.
	I mean, for all you need.
	Daisy Ridley.
	And she is very...
	She fits the role.
	She'll be great.
	And what role does she play?
	She plays the heroine.
	The damsel in distress.
	Somehow...
	Princess Leia?
	She's not princess.
	No, no, Leia's in the movie.
	She's now the general.
	Everybody says another thing.
	Oh, this movie's just about why we should elect Hillary.
	What?
	What?
	Yeah, I got a note from one of our nights today.
	One of our producers has said, I saw the movie.
	It's just a promotion for Hillary.
	Hillary.
	So we discussed, we had JC, his wife, Mimi, myself, Jay, we're all sitting around afterwards and doing a post-mortem on the movie.
	Jay, the youngest of the group, hated it.
	Hated it!
	She hated it because it was, quote-unquote, boring.
	I didn't think it was boring.
	Mimi, meh.
	She could take it or leave it.
	She didn't think much of it.
	I can hardly believe Mimi sat through the whole thing.
	I'm surprised she went.
	There you go.
	She must really love you guys.
	I thought it was entertaining.
	It was exactly the same as episode 4, the original 1977 movie with just a few little twists here and there.
	But it started off the same.
	It was the same story.
	It was a reboot.
	And it was a good reboot.
	I thought it worked out well.
	There was not a lot of CG. There was...
	For that movie, you'd think there'd be more.
	They still used a lot of models.
	They did it the old-fashioned way.
	And when they blew stuff up, they used...
	Real dynamite.
	Yeah, real dynamite.
	And it makes a difference.
	It really looks like something's blowing up.
	It doesn't look like these phony things that you see in Transformers or whatever.
	A lot of CG. And it's faster and cheaper, apparently, to do it this way.
	These CG guys are just over the top with their expenses.
	The computer guys.
	Now the movie itself, I don't know if you want to see it, if you haven't seen them all.
	No, I have not even seen The Empire Strikes Back.
	Okay, well you shouldn't go.
	JC said that he thought it was good because he would already brought himself to the point of maximum disappointment by watching the those prequels that they did which were terrible.
	And this was so far above that in terms of quality.
	There are plot holes all over the place.
	There's too much running running and running and running all over the just constantly.
	I can just I can do.
	John C. Dvorak says, Too much running!
	Now, out now, the force reawakens.
	In fact, at one point near the end of the movie, Daisy Ridley, who plays a woman called Ray, who has the force...
	Was she trying to snort the laser perceiver?
	We don't know that she uses cocaine, but if you look at this thing...
	This clip that was an interview of her.
	She seemed kind of hammered.
	And at the end, she suddenly, when confronted with something minor, she runs.
	She runs out and starts running.
	Just because, hey, we've gone five minutes without any running.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	What?
	You going to eat a giant bug on the show?
	Yeah, just to see what it tastes like.
	What do you have?
	What do you have lined up?
	One of those, it's a locust, a deep fried locust.
	You want to do it right off the bat?
	I don't think I can wait for this.
	Really?
	I don't know.
	Give me the background.
	I just got this giant locust to eat.
	Well, oh no, you know what?
	Let's keep it.
	Let's keep it until after the donation.
	No, you got me going.
	I just broke the seal.
	No, you can't do that.
	It's stale.
	All right, tell me, in the background, where'd you get this?
	Where'd you get this thing?
	What's going on?
	Who's on first?
	Came in the mail under the Eat the Bugs program in the Berkeley area.
	Wait a minute.
	It came in the mail and you're going to eat it?
	Yeah, I'm going to eat it right now.
	Hold on.
	I love bugs!
	Box, box, box.
	Alright, ladies and gentlemen, Best Podcast in the Universe brings you...
	Tastes like poop.
	John C.
	Dvorak eating a cricket.
	Tastes like poop.
	We're all going to die!
	All right.
	Who sent you that bug?
	Those are corn nuts.
	Ow!
	Ow!
	I mean, you should have just...
	Alright, nice.
	I don't know.
	I don't want to fool the public.
	Alrighty.
	Alright, good.
	You fooled them.
	I just want to know how it sounded.
	It sounded very authentic, I'll say.
	Very authentic.
	I was impressed.
	Talking about the Dirty 30s, I've got a couple more for you.
	Ah, the Dirty 30s, yes.
	Let's go.
	Okay, what do you think all the way means?
	All the way means going all the way.
	It means a home run, round three bases, and it's penetration time.
	Chocolate cake or fudge with ice cream?
	Okey-doke.
	I'm sorry, that changed somewhere along the lines.
	All wet.
	All wet?
	Yeah, all wet.
	Yeah, he's all wet.
	All wet means he's out of money.
	No good.
	It means he's no good.
	Oh, he's no good.
	Okay.
	Well, you're not getting any of these.
	No.
	Amici Horn Blower.
	The Blower.
	The Blower?
	Get him on the Blower.
	No, you already blew it.
	It's the phone.
	I know the Blower being a phone.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Apple.
	Apple?
	But.
	Any big town or city.
	New York being the Big Apple.
	The Big Apple.
	Interesting.
	Babe, broad, dame, doll, frail, twist, muffin, and kitten.
	Zer.
	Baby?
	What's a baby?
	Baby is a cute zer.
	It's a glass of milk.
	Oh.
	What's a bean shooter, a gat, a rod, a Roscoe, a heater, a convincer?
	A weapon of some sort?
	A gun.
	Yeah, a gun.
	A gat.
	I got a gat.
	Hey, where's your Roscoe?
	Bring it.
	A gat?
	I like Roscoe.
	Roscoe.
	Your Roscoe.
	I'm strapped with my Roscoe, bro.
	What's beat?
	Beat?
	Beat.
	Beat.
	It's your beat.
	It's where you walk, where your neighborhood, your place.
	It means you're broke.
	Oh, you're beat.
	A deadbeat.
	That's very broke.
	Yeah, yeah, exactly.
	Behind the Grind.
	Behind the Grind.
	Is backstage at an MTV show?
	Behind in one's studies.
	Oh, okay.
	Big house.
	Who's gal?
	Big house.
	The big house.
	The boss.
	Who's gal?
	Who's gal?
	I don't know.
	Who's gal?
	Who's gal?
	Prison.
	Oh, the big...
	Oh, okay.
	Gotcha.
	The big house.
	Yes, I should have known that one.
	You should have known that one.
	That's one against...
	That's minus one.
	Oh.
	Bleed.
	Bleed?
	I'm gonna bleed him.
	To cut someone?
	No, to extort or blackmail.
	Oh, rip him off, yeah.
	I'm sucking at this game.
	You totally blow.
	Get me on the blower.
	No, that was the phrase, totally blow.
	Blinkers, lamps, pies, shutters, peepers.
	Oh, boobs.
	She's got great peepers.
	See, I had it.
	I got one.
	No, it's eyes.
	Oh, please.
	That's about boobs.
	Shutters?
	That's about boobs.
	Shutters?
	Lamps?
	No.
	Okay.
	Lamps, yes.
	Okay, last one, and then we'll go on to do this next show.
	Ready?
	Yeah.
	Blow your wig.
	To get on the plane as a president?
	It's a good answer, but it means become very excited.
	Yes, I thought I was going to get very mad, but yeah, blow your top, blow your wig.
	I've heard those.
	Give me one more.
	We've got to get a few of these back in play.
	I like Roscoe.
	Roscoe is good.
	I like that.
	What else?
	Give me another one.
	All right.
	I'm annoyed that I get this wrong.
	Okay, you'll get this one.
	Booze, hooch, giggle juice, and mule.
	Well, it's alcohol.
	Whiskey, in fact.
	But that's right.
	Close enough.
	Okay, here's a good one.
	You'll never get this.
	Brody.
	Brody?
	You can ask me to use it in a sentence.
	Could you use the word in a sentence, please?
	Yeah, he pulled a Brody.
	Oh, it's like some massive failure.
	Ah, right.
	But where does it come from?
	It's a mistake.
	Where does it come from?
	I don't know, but I always thought, I didn't realize it went back to the 30s, because I remember when they used the word Brody, and I always thought it referred to the 49ers quarterback in the 50s.
	Okay.
	John Brody.
	Did he do something really bad?
	No, he used to always run around the field like he was being chased by wild dogs.
	Oh.
	And he was known for making quick U-turns, and it was always cool.
	I always thought when they said pull to Brody, I thought that meant just turn around and go the other way.
	So I was befuddled, apparently, when I was a kid.
	One more?
	One more.
	Last one.
	Okay, there's a bunch of them again.
	Brunos, goons, hatchet men, torpedoes, and trigger men.
	Yeah, well, these are foot soldiers of some mob.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Hired gunmen or other tough guys.
	Okay, one last.
	One more, just because you need this one.
	Bulge.
	Bulge?
	He's got a bulge.
	Oh, got a lot of money.
	Having an advantage.
	Oh.
	Well, that's all men.
	It's like Battle of the Bulge, I guess.
	I'm not sure.
	Okay.
	Well, that was in the 40s, so that couldn't have been Battle of the Bulge, but...
	It was a lost era.
	Yes.
	We're trying to bring some of it back.
	So far, all we have is Roscoe.
	Roscoe.
	I love Roscoe.
	Yeah.
	And I'd like you to find out where that's from.
	So we're shopping at Target.
	And I'm having trouble.
	This only happens once in a while.
	I usually have pretty good line karma, which is the karma where there's a bunch of people in line.
	The distances are pretty much equal.
	You pick a line, and you hope that you get through the line faster than normal.
	And I have a racist.
	I'm racist when it comes to this, and I'm going to explain that.
	My wife says, you're a racist.
	My racist comment is, if the checker that's working the register is black, go there.
	That's very racist of you, John.
	It's very racist.
	Why is this?
	They're fast!
	They actually do a better job.
	So why are black Americans faster than white Americans?
	I think they just like the competition or something.
	I don't know.
	It just always surprises me how much faster they are.
	But they crank.
	And I always compliment them at the end.
	If you go to a Costco, you can just sit back and watch.
	You can see one line moving like a son of a bitch and one line nothing.
	So you get in the fast moving line.
	It's always some black guy just cranking away.
	Right.
	And so I always say to them, you're fast.
	And they always really appreciate the compliment.
	Oh.
	Well, I should try that someday.
	But I think you should say, you're much faster than them white people.
	I think you should try that.
	I'm not doing that.
	Oh, okay.
	That would really...
	This happened at Target, by the way.
	I got in the wrong line with some woman checker.
	It was obviously a part-timer.
	And there's a black guy.
	And I don't know why I didn't go in the black guy's line.
	Because he just cleared the line.
	I'm still standing behind this.
	This amateur couple of students from the University of California, obviously.
	A white guy with his Chinese girlfriend.
	Cal student, typical.
	A good-looking woman, by the way.
	She's about 21.
	And she can't use the thing with the credit card.
	She can't know where to scan it.
	She's dicking around.
	She's looking, what does this mean?
	He's pointing, push that, push that.
	And it's taking forever.
	The woman that does a checker, she decides to get into a long conversation with him.
	They turn the thing around.
	And she says, no, no, you want this.
	So then it's one of these, it's a debit card, I suppose.
	And she decides to get cash back.
	And we're sitting there waiting.
	This other line is done.
	I'm waiting, waiting, waiting.
	She gets, she wants cash back in quarters.
	So there's this stolen out.
	She's got to crack in a couple quarters things.
	Asking the next guy to check her over.
	There's enough, you had a quarters.
	I mean, what quarters?
	They're messing with your busy life.
	I cannot believe that they're ruining...
	You know what?
	When you get a black checker who does good work, you should tip that person.
	Here!
	Here's a dollar.
	That I'm not doing either.
	You're much better than Whitey.
	You're trying to get me in trouble.
	Yeah, I'm trying.
	I admit it to the moment of racism.
	Sorry.
	But I'm not going to make it clear to anybody that that's the case.
	In this particular area, there are probably thousands of bald eagles.
	Oh, and you saw them?
	Oh, yeah.
	Nice.
	They're all over the place.
	They're a pest.
	Our national bird...
	Anybody who's been around bald eagles would say the same thing.
	They're a pest.
	They're a pest.
	They kill kittens, they grab kittens, little puppies.
	They're always on the lookout for...
	Oh, no, not little puppies.
	We should have a...
	They are.
	In the morning to you, troubled citizen.
	I didn't know this about the eagles.
	They're a horrible animal.
	You're defacing our national bird.
	Myth-busting, okay.
	Well, I'm very sad.
	Horrible animal.
	Horrible animal.
	It's a horrible animal.
	What can I say?
	But the eagle, the bald eagle, the golden bald eagle.
	The golden eagle is a different animal.
	Oh, okay.
	And they're okay?
	I have a golden eagle.
	Well, the bald eagle is the one that's the real pest.
	The golden eagles are a little better.
	I had a golden eagle.
	An eagle is freedom, John.
	How can freedom be a pest?
	A golden eagle is...
	I'm in range of one of...
	The golden eagles have like a 500 mile or 50 mile range where they hunt.
	And they come around every once in a while.
	So I'm coming home and I hear something in the backyard.
	I go up to the door and there's a bunch of seagull feathers all over the deck.
	Uh-oh.
	What the hell are these seagull feathers doing here?
	And so I start to step outside and there's a golden eagle sitting in the plum tree.
	He had eaten an entire seagull.
	Wow!
	Yeah!
	These eagles are something to hold.
	So he ate the seagull and he left just a bunch of crap all over the place.
	It was a mess.
	What does the eagle not eat of the seagull?
	What does he leave behind the beak?
	Oh, they eat rodents.
	A lot of rodents.
	He ate the whole thing?
	Everything?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I couldn't find anything but a few feathers.
	Oh, wow!
	I had no idea.
	And he's sitting there and he's digesting this thing because he just finished filling himself with this big seagull, which is a good-sized bird.
	And he looks at me.
	He gives me a look.
	I've had an eagle do this, too.
	He looks at me and he goes, what do you want?
	So nice there in California.
	You were in Vegas, John.
	Yeah, I went to Lost Wages, Nevada.
	Yeah, did you lose any?
	No, actually I won.
	I only budget...
	I don't like to gamble.
	I think it's just stupid.
	I'm not a gambler either.
	But I do play video poker machines because I know that there are certain machines...
	If you look at all the odds, it's the funniest thing.
	Video poker machines have a variety of odds for the exact same game from machine to machine to machine.
	And I don't know...
	I mean, I guess nobody ever looks at these odds because there are some machines that essentially just take your money...
	It's published, right?
	It says right there, you will lose at least 4% on every dime you put in.
	That's casino-wide.
	But there are some machines that are pretty close to break-even on video poker, if you know what to look for.
	And the odds are right on the screen, and people just ignore it.
	But you don't have to go to Vegas for that.
	You could go to your local 7-Eleven and play video poker, can't you?
	Yeah, you could.
	Okay.
	It's just a game I like because I had this computer program years ago called Video Poker Tutor.
	What did that run on the Commodore 64 or something?
	Close to it.
	Anyway, the thing would just keep beating you down until you figured out what the strategy was.
	Because video poker is not poker.
	It's a different game altogether.
	And there are strategies involved in what you hold and what you get rid of if you want to approach this break-even point.
	And then if you get lucky, you can walk away with some money.
	And I tend to always walk away with some money, although I can't say I've made a fortune.
	Total earnings?
	Five bucks.
	Right on.
	So my wife comes down for Thanksgiving.
	She drives down from Washington.
	Did she bring animals?
	Yeah, she brought some animals.
	She also brought some dry goods from Washington State that you can only get at certain places.
	Well, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
	One?
	Which animals did she bring?
	She brought the big giant dog.
	Mm-hmm.
	And a couple other dogs.
	How many in total?
	Three.
	Oh, okay.
	And what dry goods?
	Stuff you could buy at these special dispensaries in Washington that are not open to the public.
	It will surely be open to the public here.
	I thought you sounded a little happy today.
	No, I don't use that stuff.
	And I'd be like, man, whoa, the light's coming in.
	So she would listen to 15 hours straight.
	Of no agenda, because she hasn't been listening to the show.
	So she is like, it's like going to Paris after you haven't been there for 10 years, and you go, oh, this is, things have changed.
	Wait, wait, did she say, hey, that show's pretty good?
	Let me guess.
	No, she did, actually.
	Uh-huh.
	But she made some interesting comments that I have not...
	She says the show is snappier, it moves faster.
	She says there's more inside baseball, inside material that, you know, that we take for granted that is very confusing.
	Hard for new people to figure out, you know.
	But...
	I told her that, and we had to discuss this because I know that we do this on purpose.
	I said, we do it on purpose.
	I said, well, no, we do that on purpose.
	And every time I say that, she says, sure you are.
	I think it just evolved.
	But no, we do stuff on purpose.
	And I said the idea of having our own language, calling people Chip instead of their real name and stuff like that.
	We used to use different names from Clippity Club, for example.
	She says there's more of that than before, and it's very confusing, but she says the way you listen is that you listen, what the hell?
	She says, what the hell are they talking about?
	And then something grounded.
	And then the penny drops and all of a sudden it's like, oh, I see what I see.
	Exactly.
	And I said that this is interesting because we used to always have this problem with new listeners where the show was off-putting for two or three shows like five years ago.
	And so people just until they heard three shows, they didn't like the show at all.
	But the feedback I get now is, I listened once, and I was hooked.
	I've had that comment over and over again.
	Yeah, you're right.
	I think it's our comedic stylings that are hooking people.
	I've got a couple more complaints.
	I've been wanting to mention this for some time.
	Okay.
	You know, they give peanuts out at some of these flights.
	Yeah.
	Which is probably endangering someone, but...
	I've had many flights where they say, sorry, no peanuts on this flight because we have someone with severe allergies and you don't get peanuts.
	Oh, that's good.
	Do you ever sit there with...
	There's this habit some people have which is incredibly annoying.
	It's the peanut eaters that take and they...
	Wait a minute.
	Is this about peanut eating etiquette now?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	All right.
	I'm good.
	All right.
	Roll it on.
	You're going to agree with this.
	You'll see.
	You'll have seen this.
	I'm worried.
	I'm worried that I might be one of those people.
	I really hope not.
	So they take, they got, you know, you got a bag, a little bitty dinky bag of penis.
	It's not enough penis to do anything.
	There's about 17 peanuts in it.
	Dump the penis in your mouth.
	You're good to go.
	No, no, that's not the way it works with some of these guys.
	They have to dump the peanuts in their right hand.
	They dump like a palm full of peanuts, the whole bag, or at least half the bag goes in their hands.
	Then they make a fist.
	Yeah.
	Then they shake.
	You are describing my old man, by the way, to a T. They shake their fist, and then they create a small opening at the thumb end of the fist, and try to shoot a couple of peanuts into their mouths.
	This, of course, is completely the wrong way to eat peanuts.
	Well, for one thing, it gets peanut grease all over your hand, which is, you know, not necessarily good.
	And salt.
	But they shake, shake, shake, and so they're chewing and shaking, chewing and shaking, chewing and shaking, and then they throw a couple more peanuts in their mouth and chew some more while shaking and shaking.
	It just is annoying.
	It's the most annoying thing I've ever seen.
	Amen.
	And then when they're done, they got down to the peanuts, then they start...
	Doing the thing with their hands to get all the salt and grease off their hands.
	They're slapping themselves.
	Okay.
	John, this is exactly how I've seen my father eat peanuts.
	This is very unusual.
	No, I don't think it's that unusual.
	What is the correct way to eat peanuts in a plane?
	There's a lot of ways.
	You can take the peanut bag and just...
	If you like tossing the peanuts back, toss from the bag.
	I always ask the flight attendant to feed me.
	Yeah, well, they rarely do that.
	I gave up on that idea.
	Okay.
	Meanwhile, of course, on the flight...
	I should mention this.
	A number of...
	Probably a dozen idiots...
	We're coming down the aisle with this huge backpack.
	Ah, your favorite, yes.
	The huge backpack phenomenon.
	They're all popping left and right.
	That and the guy who's got the too wide of a roller bag.
	And he has to, instead of picking it up like a normal person, he has to roll it.
	So he's dragging the roller bag, banging into things.
	He can't get it, and he's backing up and going forward because the bag is always hitting one of the seats.
	Ugh.
	And this was an old 737.
	And did someone swing around and hit you in the face with their bag as usual?
	No, but I almost had it almost.
	I'm going to show myself old by donating to No Agenda.
	Imagine all the people who could do that.
	Oh yeah, that'd be fab.
	Yeah, on No Agenda in the morning.
	And we do have a few people to thank for show.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	First of all, I think your stories are fantastic.
	You said last week, whatever it was, 1200, you said, nah, they're boring.
	Your stories are actually a great part of what makes our show so unique.
	Well, I'm glad you like my stories because apparently I can't stop telling them.
	I don't think I've heard many of them twice.
	Well, now I have.
	Very, very seldomly do we repeat a story.
	There's a couple of them in there, but it's nice.
	I always think of Noah Jen, as you came for the deconstruction, but you stayed for the stories, particularly John's stories.
	They're just good, man.
	They're good.
	People just have this whole show transcribed into a small giblet.
	And there's my book.
	There's my memoirs, ladies and gentlemen.
	Well, I believe that Sir Rupin Waffles, who graciously put this together, and of course is an executive producer of this program, that he also has a Adam Stories, but that is for another time.
	This is all about you.
	And of course, we do want to continue to get your involvement and support for the show.
	Go ahead.
	That's why we took this extra break.
	We took a break in the middle because we want to mention that people who have donated for this show will be mentioned on the next show and we'll have a little longer segment.
	And we want to just encourage you to make sure that you know that we still need continued support, so we thought we'd break in here and at least ask for it.
	And we'll be back with a live show right after Christmas.
	So Christmas, what day is Christmas?
	Christmas is on, well, obviously the 25th.
	Is that Tuesday?
	No, it's Wednesday.
	It's Wednesday.
	So Thursday, which in a lot of the rest of the world is also a holiday.
	It's the second day of Christmas.
	Boxing Day in the UK, the second Christmas Day in the Netherlands.
	It's a holiday, but we will be working for you.
	Yes, we will.
	And we'll bring you whatever has been going on in the world.
	Maybe you'll have something from New York that I can share.
	But right now, thank you all for supporting our Value for Value Network.
	All credits will be given on the next program.
	Let's continue now with Episode 1201 with the second half of John's Storytime.
	As I prefaced in the beginning of the program, I'm doing some archival work.
	I want to collect our stories.
	You, in particular, have great stories.
	And it's nice if we can kind of put them together.
	You had told the story about the proper way to eat nuts on the show, on the last show.
	Oh, yes, yes.
	And, of course, you've said this one before, so I decide I'm going to archive it.
	So I'm just going to archive it and we'll put it on our album.
	A nut story?
	Yeah, yeah, here it is.
	Just so you can listen to it again.
	Just go for it, John.
	Tell us your peeve about the fisting method of eating snacks on an airplane.
	I see this on the airplane and it's very annoying and I think it will result in fights breaking out because it's just so annoying to watch.
	Guy takes his bag of peanuts and he throws a pile of them into his palm of his hand and then he makes a fist.
	Oh!
	Around the nuts.
	And then he shakes his fist to try to bring a nut to the little hole.
	And then he throws a nut in his mouth from his fist.
	Then he does it again.
	He shakes and throws and shakes and throws.
	It is annoying as hell to watch.
	And there you go.
	So you actually produced that.
	I did.
	This one I did.
	So this is, again, a use of your time that is not necessarily a good use of your time.
	But it's okay if you want to just sit there and ridicule me for my stories.
	I'm ridiculing.
	I'm making you a legend.
	What are you talking about?
	Back to the list.
	Argentine ants.
	Okay, I heard you earlier say you were killing ants, so I have to think it's related to you have ants in your pants.
	There's ants all over the place.
	The problem with California, of course, is we have ants.
	I didn't know that.
	The ants that have taken over California some decades ago are called Argentine ants, and they're from South America.
	They're little guys.
	They don't bite.
	They're not a problem.
	But the weird thing about them is that they're a collective, and it's the only ant breed that if I'm an ant in hive in an ant hole number 45, you know, five blocks from here, and somebody comes and flushes out the ant hole and kills all the ants except me, I can wander over and just join a different group.
	Oh, so they're intersocial.
	Yeah, and so they don't kill each other.
	Like a lot of these ants, oh, this ant is not from our group, let's kill him.
	Which makes the ants even more annoying.
	Now, how did they get here if they're Argentine, or is that just the name?
	I think they just crept here.
	Either somebody brought them up in an ant farm, or they worked their way up.
	Are they destructive?
	Do they eat through stuff, or do they just make a mess?
	No, they're, you know, like all ants, they clean up the fact, you know, if you've got a crumb somewhere, they find it and take it with them.
	Or if there's a drop of oil, you know, if they're in the oil-eating mood.
	They're either in a sugar-eating mood or an oil-eating mood.
	It depends on the time of the year.
	But the problem is when you run into, what you want to do is you want to have them attack something.
	So you leave like a chicken bone out or something in the sink and you hope that they go for it.
	And then you let it build long enough so you can see where the heck they're coming in.
	Then you take a vacuum cleaner and you wipe them all out in front of that spot and spray it.
	Oh, handy extermination tips from John C. Dvorak.
	Well, it's kind of embarrassing if somebody sees this line of ants.
	But the thing that's interesting is that for some reason over the last few weeks...
	I just have random ants.
	They're looking around.
	They're scouts.
	But I can't figure out where they're coming from.
	They show up and there's an ant on the counter and there he goes.
	And I smash him and hope maybe another ant sees him smash and takes back the message that the ants are being smashed.
	Bad place.
	Don't want to go hang out.
	You know, the Shantytown thing did come up in the conversation.
	I'm of the opinion that You're just going to have to bite the bullet in these liberal towns and let a shanty town crop up.
	It goes on in South America.
	I don't like your idea.
	I know you don't.
	Nobody does.
	But it's the most realistic thing you can do.
	Let's be honest about it.
	But you have shanty towns in multiple cities in California, and it hasn't produced any...
	Where?
	There's no real true shanty town.
	Every street corner!
	No, that's not a shanty town.
	Well, okay.
	I mean, how many...
	That is just a bunch of people hanging around and, you know, hanging out with tents.
	Yeah.
	No, no.
	Okay.
	I'm not talking about camping, which is what they call it now.
	Homeless camping.
	Yeah.
	You're not homeless.
	You're just camping.
	Oh, yeah.
	Just people camping, yeah.
	No, I'm talking about you get a couple of acres.
	You put some acres together in an area that's really...
	Some places you can get water to.
	Usually a water truck that would work.
	Bring it in once in a while and everyone have their own buckets.
	And let people build little lean-tos.
	To have its own government.
	It's like in Brazil, the favelas.
	They have their own governments.
	That's my point.
	The favelas are a huge issue.
	Yeah.
	Also with shantytowns.
	But I don't see any other solution.
	They can't seem to address the problem correctly, so you might as well just let it fall into third world style.
	It works.
	Outside of Africa, all of these little towns in Africa, there's little shantytowns outside the cities.
	They're all South America.
	There used to be Romani encampments all over Europe.
	It's similar to a shantytown where they move.
	I mean, you can't do anything about it because they're not doing anything about it.
	Well, go to a fallback position.
	So what you're saying is designate an area where the shanty town can prosper.
	You make it sound like it's a joke.
	No!
	That's exactly what you're saying.
	A designated place.
	This is not your idea alone.
	People are saying, hey, make a designated camping ground.
	Yeah, well, it should be a shantytown.
	A camping ground is no good.
	Those tents are no good.
	You want the kind of thing that people can go and do reports about.
	Oh, look at these people.
	They're living like horrible.
	And then they show that there's this open sewer.
	You want an open...
	Okay, you have to design these things.
	Scott Adams has got something like this, but he's more...
	It's not going to be like my thinking.
	You want an open sewer...
	So you can be aghast at the open sewer and the turd going down the sewer.
	You know, it's just open.
	You want kids that are half naked wandering around.
	You're all dirty, you know.
	Barefoot, barefoot.
	Barefoot.
	Playing with a rusty can.
	Lots of dogs barking at everything.
	We had a quasi-shanty town here in the East Bay.
	Over on the Bulb, it was called.
	An old ex-garbage dump that's over by Golden Gate Fields in Albany.
	There was this big area that was...
	In the very far reaches of this, it's like a peninsula that is built of garbage dumps from the 20s and 30s.
	So it's green now and they've got trees and everything's growing on it.
	But there was a huge shanty town out there.
	It was a...
	A genuine one.
	You couldn't even go out to it because there's too many pit bulls, you know, guarding the place.
	But it was a shanty town, and they let it go for years and years, and they finally went in there in the middle of the night and tore it down.
	Well, go back to what else we need in the shanty town.
	I was kind of enjoying it.
	We were at Barefoot Children playing with the...
	Barefoot Children, open sewers, a lot of lean-tos.
	Lean-tos, yes, yes, very good.
	Leftover, you know, the kind of stuff that you make for...
	It's kind of a galvanized corrugated steel.
	Yes, very good.
	Chunks of that and corrugated fiberglass that's just got this little curvy thing and then it's pounded in.
	And you always need to have a boat trailer with half a boat on it?
	Oh, there's definitely a bunch of boat trailers and half a boat.
	People living in the boats.
	Open fires, burn barrels everywhere.
	Especially in the winter.
	During the era of Microsoft, before they moved to Redmond, I think it was Bellevue, I think, where Burger Master is.
	I think Burger Master is going out of business.
	Anyway, this was told to me by the guy who wrote Hard Drive.
	I think it was Hard Drive.
	The original Bill Gates, the book on Bill Gates is a reporter for the Seattle Times.
	And I had a long chat with him.
	For some other circumstance, we started talking about the book and the stuff that he left out.
	And so he gave me a number of interesting stories that they wouldn't let him run or he couldn't run or he didn't have enough backup for it or it wasn't, you know...
	A Vanity Fair type job.
	Yeah, I don't know how to put it in that term.
	It's just the normal...
	This is the way it works.
	You don't get everything in that you want and some stuff gets self-doubt and then you end up talking about it.
	On the phone with me.
	On podcasts.
	On podcasts.
	So you end up finding out about it.
	So supposedly, now this is all alleged.
	Got it.
	Microsoft had an account.
	They were big with hookers in the early days.
	Woo!
	To the point where they had an account with some...
	And this is in the era where there was a lot of hookers.
	And they had an account at...
	And I would say what this era was is probably, I'm trying to put the years on it.
	I'm going to say it's probably early 80s.
	Bush presidency.
	When they were still in Bellevue is all I can say, for sure.
	And they had just an open account and this is when Microsoft, everyone had their own private offices.
	Everybody had a private office at Microsoft.
	So when you visited the campus, In the early days, it wasn't one of these open air things where everyone felt like a drone.
	Every coder, everyone who works there, wherever you did, you had a private office, you could close the door and lock it.
	And you could have a bed in there if you wanted to spend the night, because a lot of coders like to do that, to just stay there.
	And that was very common in the early days.
	So they had an open account with a whorehouse and they would just go on to the bill.
	I don't know what the petty cash, I have no idea how they wrote this off.
	But any coder that was lonely could get some girl to come over.
	And to keep them at the place coding.
	Wow.
	What a great place to work.
	Yeah, but it had to be dynamite.
	That's where you could take a cut and pay to work there.
	Because there are benefits that are a little more than the free lunch at Google.
	And I was allegedly, according to the source again, the writer, he says that Bill's Bill Gates' Hooker tally.
	His hooker was actually the madam of the place.
	Why is there no book about this?
	The Hidden Secrets of Silicon Valley and Hookers.
	I'm reminded of a story.
	It says, you know, in California, a lot of us eat a lot of hot chilies.
	Although not necessarily as much as some of us do who are really kind of addicted to the chili.
	And I'm quite...
	Comfortable with the hottest imaginable food, except some places in India serve food that is excruciating and maybe too much for me.
	So I'm in Brazil.
	Well, you're a professional, John.
	Let's just be honest.
	I mean, let's just call a spade a spade.
	Doing what?
	You're a professional foodie.
	Yeah.
	I'm a foodie, yeah.
	So anyway, by the way, the thing about chilies for people out there who want to say, well, what's the big kick?
	Well, besides the fact you get a little endorphin hit, the real kick of chilies is it actually changes because it burns out certain taste buds for a short term.
	It changes the flavor profile of foods, and the food tastes differently, and sometimes it's meant to taste that differently way for you to fully appreciate it.
	So I'm in Brazil, where they really like hot chilies, but not that many people actually in Brazil eat them, but they're all over the place.
	And when I go to these Tarascarias, which are these Brazilian barbecue places, which are all over the world now, but any of them outside of Brazil, they never have the chili sauces.
	Usually in Brazil, you go to one of these places where they have these barbecued meats on a sword they bring out, and you ask for this piece or that piece.
	They have these hot...
	Some scotch bonnets and these really little bitty, really dinky little peppers that are extremely hot.
	And you eat those first before you get to the meat?
	The peppers are usually soaked in a vinegar or a vinegar oil mixture, and it's that mixture, the oil and vinegar you put on the meat.
	You don't ever eat the peppers.
	Oh, okay.
	Generally, generally.
	It's just a hot, it's really kind of a version of a hot sauce.
	It's very, and it can be extremely hot.
	Anyway, so I'm in Brazil, and this guy's, you know, I'm in Rio, actually.
	They're a little...
	The barbecue place right on the beach.
	And the guy says, this guy, he's another journalist, and he's like, challenges me to these peppers, thinking I'm just some sort of wimp from the United States who doesn't know anything about peppers.
	So I say, yeah, he says, would you ever have these peppers?
	I said, yeah, those peppers are pretty hot, they're pretty nice.
	He says, would you ever eat one of the peppers?
	What kind of a child was this guy?
	I know, he's just a jerk.
	He's a typical journalist.
	Anyway, so, whoops.
	Anyway, so, he says, I said, yeah, I'll eat one if you eat one.
	You know, here we go.
	How mature.
	Jeez, nice.
	So he says, okay.
	And so I took one of the peppers and chewed it up and swallowed it.
	And it was really, it was hot, but it wasn't intolerably hot.
	I mean, there's many a pepper harder than anything.
	And he says, you want to have another one?
	No, I said, you want to have another one?
	Because he put one in his mouth.
	And he says, sure.
	And so we took another one, I chewed it up and swallowed it.
	And, you know, and that was kind of the end of it for about five or six minutes, and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, this guy turns beet red.
	And starts projectile vomiting.
	Well, he doesn't do that, but that's a funny punchline.
	But anyway, so he turns beet red, and he's like dying, sweating, he's drinking water, and I said, what happened?
	He says, well, I saw you.
	He says, I didn't eat the peppers.
	I just put them in my mouth and kind of saved them.
	Oh, you kept them in his mouth?
	Oh, no.
	And then he says, and then when I saw that you ate them and swallowed them with no problem, I decided they can't be that hot.
	This is one of those anecdotes for the audience.
	Showing how the immature adults can be.
	Yeah, well, I mean, I don't know.
	You know, this happened, I think, the real trend.
	I'm reminded of the days when I was working for MSNBC on a show that they had established when Microsoft first bought the company.
	Or, I mean, first formed the company with NBC. That's what MS stands for.
	A lot of people have long since forgotten it means Microsoft.
	No, I remember.
	I was there.
	And so they started this thing up, and then they wanted to do, because Microsoft was involved, they wanted to do some tech stuff.
	So they did this show called The Sight.
	And the site starred Soledad O'Brien, and she was on the fast track to become a NBC News anchor, and so they gave her this gig so she could, like, do a little practice.
	Although eventually she got sidelined by some other ethnic-looking woman and ended up having, I think she went to CNN or something like that.
	But Soledad was really one of the nicest people I've ever met.
	Hopefully she'll get back on the fast track.
	I don't know why they took her off of it, but it happens all the time.
	Not to change the subject, but we have a woman here in KPIX who used to be network.
	At CBS, named Dana King.
	And I saw her when she was doing some of her network stuff, and she had, like, big-time news personality written all over her.
	She apparently did something amiss, and then they signed her to the local owned and operated affiliate, you know, the KPIX station, as a news anchor here.
	It's kind of punishment, and she's been stuck here ever since, and I don't think she can ever break away.
	But she was like, you know, this is...
	Anyway, the show business thing is disconcerting.
	But back to the MSNBC story.
	So anyway, they had this show that they developed, because Microsoft's pushing them, called The Sight, and it had Soledad as an anchor.
	And I did some work on there, and Lee Laporte had a segment, and we did some debates, and it's the same usual suspects.
	You guys are such media whores.
	You'll do anything.
	Well, you know, they were paying us.
	Oh, okay.
	Unlike prostitutes, they were paying you.
	Well, you made a good point.
	Anyway, so, yeah, I know it's like, what's the difference?
	So anyway, Diana got killed, as you recall.
	Yep.
	Princess Diana.
	And they started covering it 24-7 with pretty meaningless coverage on MSNBC. And their ratings went through the roof.
	Through the roof, sure.
	Of course they did.
	Yep.
	And so they killed the site, and they killed every other thing that wasn't like celebrity, butt-kissing, whatever you want to call it, kind of programming.
	And of course, the place has never recovered, because you can't keep covering Diana forever.
	They tried, and they went right back into the dumper that it was in to begin with, and meanwhile they threw out any possible interesting properties that they had started.
	Anyway, this kind of decision-making at this kind of level has always been disconcerting to me.
	I have to call back, though.
	Your idea of the homelessness experience in Disneyland, this is an exit strategy.
	I think we could create this ride.
	Now, do you sit in the ride, or do you...
	I think you should also experience, for a brief moment, you stepping in human feces...
	I don't know if the homeless are always stepping in human feces.
	I guess some of them are really down and out, staggering down the street, all leaned over and rides.
	No, no, I mean, is the ride, are you going to actually experience it?
	So is it a ride?
	I think the most enjoyable Disney rides are in a cart.
	And you've got your music going on.
	Well, okay, there's two ways of going about this.
	I'm a huge connoisseur of these things.
	Ah, here we go.
	There's one is you're in the little car, a little car, a little thing, and it's going through a homeless encampment and people are all animatronic.
	That's like Pirates of the Caribbean.
	Yeah, exactly like Pirates of the Caribbean.
	Maybe you could be in a kind of a river of pee, you know, kind of stinky pee.
	That would be okay.
	But I think generally speaking, it would be better on rails and you go through these things and you see all these different people.
	And then they have people – you go through the section where there's a bunch of politicians trying to come up with good solutions and they finally say, we just need more housing.
	And then you come out the other end of it and you feel real good about yourself and now you understand.
	You understand.
	Now you have evolved.
	That's what it is.
	Now the other one, which is the cheaper way to go, is you wear some VR glasses or you're in a VR – You experienced the whole thing, only now it's even more realistic, because it's not animatronics, it's not dummies and things like Pirates of the Caribbean, it's the actual videos that you're seeing, surrounded by the real stench and filth, and fans blowing the smell of crap in your face.
	And you go through the whole thing and you come out the other end pretty much with the same message but it's just the cheaper way to do the ride.
	Less maintenance.
	I personally like the Pirates of the Caribbean version.
	I like that a little better.
	I think it's more fun.
	I always like those rides better than the ones that are closed.
	Yeah, because you go through City Hall where the council members are all sitting there pontificating.
	Then you could do, and here's Los Angeles, and here's Austin.
	You could have a couple that shows some differences.
	Oh, yeah.
	Right?
	Yeah, you could take the car through one place or another.
	And then, you know, guys begging for money in different ways.
	Yeah.
	Along the ride, people keep coming up to your cart asking for money.
	Yeah.
	We're going to hell for this.
	The other thing I wanted to say is that, you know, one of the movies I wanted people to see, and we could talk about at some point, because we were talking about comics, and it was the movie Best of Show.
	Which is a hilarious movie, but it has a guy in it named Fred Willard.
	And Fred Willard, who's done some of the finest, most inventive comedy...
	I don't know how old this guy is, but he must be 90, even though he doesn't look that old.
	Because when I was in high school, which was a while ago, I saw this guy when he was a comic team called Willard and Greco.
	And I saw him at the Hungry Eye in San Francisco, and he was hilarious then.
	And since then, he was also the guy who was the sidekick on Fernwood Tonight with Martin Mull.
	And his type of humor is epitomized by this particular joke, which I'll try to explain, which is the two of them are sitting there.
	Fernwood Tonight was a fake talk show.
	That was mocking, you know, the talk show genre.
	And Martin Mull was like the Johnny Carson, and Willard was the sidekick.
	And they'd be getting into some discussion, and Willard would, out of the blue, make these strange comments.
	Which, by the way, is what I have Sebastian Rupley on Cranky Geeks fashioned after.
	He'd make these strange comments.
	He'd say, you know, I don't know why they've got these ramps on...
	Why did they put these ramps on all the sidewalks?
	It's just so skateboarders can go zooming up and down, almost knocking you over.
	It's ridiculous that they'd do something like this.
	And then Martin Mull goes...
	He says, those ramps are for the handicapped.
	And without missing a beat, Fred Willard says, that's bull.
	I've never seen a handicapped guy on a skateboard.
	Whatever the case, I'm on the Comcast connection today.
	Well, that's good, because I'm on my iPhone connection today.
	Yeah, that's kind of interesting.
	I just want to test it.
	The Comcast thing falls apart, which I don't think it will, but it might.
	What did they do?
	Did they have to come out to your...
	I can switch back easily.
	Finally, a guy came out, Corey, who found the problem that I was having for the last two years.
	Let me guess.
	It was a physical wire problem outside.
	Yes.
	Squirrels.
	Really?
	These fuckers are worse than ISIS. So the squirrel ate a hole in the...
	You could just barely see, you know, luckily he didn't eat the middle, the copper in the middle, but he ate all the insulation off the coax.
	And this one guy who kept monitoring said, you've got signaling problems.
	So, you know, reboot the modem.
	Oh, yeah.
	Reboot the modem.
	It's your fault.
	You stupid, stupid user you.
	You got something wrong.
	Not only that, but the line was also kinked.
	And then to top things off, the actual coax they were using was the wrong grade.
	Oh, wow.
	Wait, there's another one.
	I just want to know, what is the wrong grade?
	I think it's called RG59. It should be RG6. You should look up your coaxes because you may have the wrong grade.
	Wow.
	Because the old grade, which is the one that was coming in the house, is not suitable for high speed.
	Even though this whole thing was wired from the get-go for high speed.
	Anyway, so there was that.
	And then there was another item besides that.
	This was the only guy, this, Corey, is the only guy who actually did anything.
	The other guys come in and they are, I don't know, you need a new modem.
	You know what this is?
	You once wrote an article how cable modems would never amount to anything.
	And at the time, you were right.
	But these guys didn't forget that, you see.
	Well, maybe.
	There was one more item, which was that the line was too hot.
	And so you had to put a little, like a choke or some sort of little...
	Ah, because what actually happens is you can get a feedback loop, I think.
	Yeah, so it was way over the voltage.
	It was just too hot.
	And so he had to attenuate it with his little screw-on thing.
	Oh, metric, metric.
	Get used to it.
	A4 paper.
	I want to say something here and now.
	A4 paper is ugly.
	It's the wrong proportions.
	When you look at A4 paper, it's too long and skinny.
	It looks creepy.
	It's not visually...
	Exciting.
	Exciting.
	It's not anything.
	It's horrible.
	And all the metric crap.
	A4 paper is the worst example.
	It just looks...
	It just feels and looks...
	It's unpleasant, let's put it that way.
	Okay.
	So I feel the same way about putting the 20140507 kind of thing.
	No, forget it.
	So A4 paper is not...
	It's not a Fibonacci ratio.
	It's not a golden ratio.
	That's the problem I have with it.
	No, that's the problem.
	What is the U.S.? What do we have in the U.S.? Eight and a half by 11 inches.
	What?
	Eight and a half inches by 11 inches.
	Yeah, well, what is the format called?
	It's called Letter.
	That's what it's called.
	In the morning!
	All right.
	So now that we have started an international incident regarding the A4-sized paper.
	I know.
	There's going to be a bunch of these guys who listen to the show to hate us, and they're going to...
	Ew, you waste.
	His feet and inches is stupid.
	A lot of people taking exception, speaking of printing, to your rant against A4. Yeah, oh yeah, there's at least a half dozen people that get all upset.
	Oh, half dozen people that emailed you, not the ones that emailed me, as per usual.
	Ew!
	A4 is tall and thin like Adam, not fat and chubby like John!
	That's exactly right.
	Yeah, that's objective.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I had a thought the other night, you know, where a lot of people still probably don't know the history of slavery, and that there was the Republican Party, Abraham Lincoln in particular, the leader of the country at the time, who, you know, the Republican, who said, we've got to stop slavery.
	Well, the Republican Party came out of the abolitionist movement.
	Yes, thank you.
	That's even better.
	And so Republicans were the abolitionists, Democrats were the racist, slave-holding a-holes.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Now, somewhere along the line, that switched.
	Lyndon Johnson, it's believed.
	Okay, I'll finish the sentence.
	So somewhere along the line, that switched, and then all of a sudden, Democrats became the high and mighties, and Republicans became the misogynistic, racist, anti-Semitic, blah, blah, blah, horrible people.
	Yeah.
	You said this came out of LBJ? That's the thought.
	Yeah, LBJ had some recordings actually where he said that we can have...
	Wasn't this the Nixon Southern strategy?
	Wasn't that part of this?
	No, that was taking advantage of what LBJ was doing.
	LBJ, with his war on poverty, decided that he could set up...
	He believed he was setting up a system that would make the blacks vote Democratic for the next 1,000 years.
	And there's some recording of him talking about this.
	When that happened, the Republicans were kind of screwed because they were doing the switcheroo, and so they went to the Southern Strategy to pull all these Democrats that were down there who were racists, the Dixiecrats, to make them Republicans through code words and the like, supposedly.
	And now I think the Republicans are pulling another quick one to get the working class to be Republicans.
	Well, I think that's been happening for a number of years.
	Well, it has to because the Democrats have gone toward the yuppies and they've been the white collar workers.
	They hang out with the bankers and they're Wall Street oriented and they don't give a crap about the workers.
	And they've just been coasting on the union support.
	And so that is easy enough to steal.
	And so I think Republicans are the only one who noticed you could do this, and he's the one who did it.
	And now the Republicans are thinking about maybe making this switch.
	The irony to this, because I've thought about this with the Republicans switching over, or I'm sorry, the working class, lower middle, middle, and so on, switching to be all Republicans.
	This makes me think that Norman Lear, And here's a very interesting irony.
	All in the Family Show had Archie Bunker as a working class guy, probably a union guy, who was a Republican.
	It was made zero sense, especially during that era, because there wasn't a guy like that.
	My family was this way.
	My dad was kind of an Archie Bunker type character, not in the racist way, but in just a working class, died in the world Democrat, you know, always going to vote party line.
	And that's the way all these people were.
	But somehow Lear decided to make him a Republican.
	That By the way, he could make the connection that Republicans are racist and xenophobes and all the rest of it, which has been drummed into the Democrats' heads because Archie Bunker was.
	But there was no such guy as Archie Bunker.
	They never existed.
	There was no Republican working guy like Archie Bunker.
	It was bullcrap.
	So I would say that that's where the switch happened.
	It was Archie Bunker.
	Well, that's where the switch may have begun.
	Huh.
	Because it was like, you're watching this guy, I think it was a mistake, because you're watching this guy, and you're just a working class guy watching comedies, going, huh, Well, I kind of think like that, too.
	The guy's bone, his meat head, whatever his nickname was for the kid.
	He was just a tub-thumping, you know, radical.
	And, you know, check out the Republicans.
	But the Republicans were never open to it until now.
	And now I think they're going to steal that entire part of the election.
	So that is exactly where I was going, is it feels like with this election...
	People will eventually wake up, because you can't keep going on in this loop of hallucination forever.
	And people will wake up and say, hold on a second, the Democrats are racist.
	I feel there's a crossover here.
	I think it's gone back.
	We won't notice this for years probably, but I believe this is the cross, the turning point.
	It could be.
	But when you have that clip you played of that bigoted comedy writer going on and on with hate, this was essentially a hate speech.
	Yeah, it's hate.
	You have to start thinking to yourself, wait a minute.
	How can you be, you know, you're pointing the finger, but you're exhibiting all these qualities.
	You're complaining about it.
	It reminds me of that Dutch saying.
	Exactly.
	You are what you say they are.
	Yeah, this is worse.
	What I was going to say, this is worse.
	Worse, I tell you.
	Worse, yes.
	Than a native ad.
	It's worse than a native ad.
	It is the pits.
	It is the pits.
	It is really bad.
	We, on the other hand...
	The New York Times is in on this somehow because there's no way that people are flocking to a taco podcast done by Taco Bell or whoever the sponsor is.
	Let's talk a little bit about the shell.
	We got Bill in here from the shell manufacturing facility outside of Nashville.
	The taco shell makers.
	Bill?
	Howdy.
	Bill, introduce yourself.
	Tell us what you do, Bill.
	What do you do at the taco manufacturing taco shell company?
	I thought I was going to be Bill.
	You played both roles.
	No, you're Bill.
	Okay, I'll interview you.
	Bill, I've got Bill here from the taco shell manufacturer.
	Hi, Bill.
	Hi.
	How are you doing?
	I'm good.
	We got Bill on Skype.
	Yeah.
	I'm sorry, Bill.
	So, how long have you been doing the taco shells, Bill?
	Well, first of all, thanks for having me on the Shellcast.
	I really enjoy talking about the different kinds of taco shells that are out there.
	So far, we've found that the one that looks like a quesadilla stuck together where you can't see what's inside seems to work the best for our tacos.
	Well, that's not the way Taco Bell taco is, Bill.
	Are you sure?
	Do you actually work for Taco Bell or are you just a generic shell maker that Taco Bell buys from your contract?
	Oh, hey, this is the shell cast.
	I got all kinds of shells.
	Big shells, small shells.
	I got wacky shells, zany shells.
	I got colored shells.
	I got hard shells, soft shells.
	I got shells.
	So who's the inventor?
	I was very fascinated by this, by the way.
	Who is the inventor?
	I think El Paso makes these.
	And the shell has got like a bottom.
	So it's like it goes down.
	It's a hard shell and it's got a bottom that's about an inch wide and then it comes up on the other side.
	So you can actually stand up the shell?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Is that patented?
	I think we should stop while we're ahead.
	It's the Dirty 30.
	That's right, everybody.
	From perfect penmanship to the Dirty 30, John C. Devorak goes back in time to tell us all of the cool phrases that we heard back in the 30s.
	Hey, you got that voice down.
	Yeah, I'm famous for it.
	It only works in the music.
	I can't do it without the music.
	Yeah, because you get into the rhythm.
	That's pretty good.
	Yeah, I like that voice.
	Okay, we were at Cadillac, I believe, which is the last term on this page.
	Yes, that was Cadillac, Cadillac, Cadillac.
	I don't recall what Cadillac was.
	It was a one-ounce pack of cocaine or heroin.
	Ah, yes.
	How could I forget?
	We had canary and then cats or alligators.
	We got that cave.
	We got that.
	Okay, here we go.
	This is new.
	Check or checker?
	Cab.
	Cab.
	No, a dollar.
	Ooh, okay.
	Hey, give me a checker.
	Give me a checker.
	I wonder what the etymology of that is, checker, a check.
	I have no idea.
	It might be worth looking into.
	Here's one you might be able to guess.
	A Chicago overcoat.
	I know Chicago boots because Chicago boots is when they throw you in the river way down.
	It has to do something with gangsters killing you.
	It means a coffin.
	Ah, yes.
	So you're close.
	Yeah.
	Okay, good.
	A Chicago typewriter.
	A Chicago typewriter.
	Yeah.
	I give up.
	A Thompson submachine gun.
	Ah, of course.
	I could have known that one.
	I've heard it.
	Yes, I've heard the reference, a typewriter.
	Yeah.
	And it's also, the synonyms are chopper.
	Yeah.
	And gat.
	Yeah, gat.
	Gatling.
	A gatling gun.
	A gat.
	Yeah.
	Okay, a chisel.
	Chin.
	The guy's a chiseler.
	I don't know.
	A swindler, a cheat, and it works at an angle.
	Okay, here's one of my favorites.
	Cinder dick.
	Cinder dick.
	I'm writing it down as a possible show title regardless.
	Cinder dick.
	Can you use a cinder dick in a sentence?
	Hey, let's get out of these boxcars before the cinder dick comes along.
	Yeah, so that's the conductor, the police, the railroad police.
	Railroad detective.
	There you go.
	Alright.
	A couple more and then we'll close the segment.
	Dog soup.
	Dog soup.
	In a sense.
	Sometimes known as city juice.
	I'm going to pass.
	Hey Mabel, give me a glass of that city juice.
	Ah, water.
	Gotcha.
	A clam bake?
	It has something to do with lesbians, but I'm not sure.
	No, it's a wild swing.
	Nice try.
	A clip joint.
	Clip joint?
	Yeah.
	A whorehouse?
	A nightclub or gambling joint where patrons get flim flammed.
	And now I need flim-flammed.
	Flim-flammed.
	Copper.
	Policeman.
	Yes.
	Crumb.
	Small-time criminal.
	A fink or a loser by social standards.
	I think you're...
	I get half a point.
	No, I think you get a full point.
	Oh, okay.
	Thank you.
	Crust.
	Crust.
	Well, of course, I immediately got a pie crust in mind.
	Crust.
	No, God.
	It means to insult.
	Oh, to diss.
	Gotcha.
	Yeah, I don't have my bell.
	So, crust, crust, diss.
	Discrust, crust, diss, yeah.
	Curve.
	Curve.
	Yeah.
	And I think you need the context.
	Boy, that threw me a curve.
	Unexpected event?
	Disappointment.
	Oh, disappointment.
	Okay, yeah.
	I don't know why this is on here, but I'll read it.
	This will be our last one.
	Cute as a bug's ear means very cute.
	Let me do another one.
	That's not really a good one.
	No.
	A cement mixer.
	Cement mixer.
	Maybe that's the guy who kills the guy?
	A cement mixer was slang for a bad dancer.
	No, okay.
	That's not the best one.
	I always want something I can use in modern life.
	No, very few.
	I mean, we have detectives next, which is Dick, Seamus, Gumshoe, and Flatfoot.
	Those, I think, are still in play.
	I'm going to use Cinder Dick, just for everything.
	Cinder Dick.
	You guys like a Cinder Dick.
	You know, it's not a dirty 30, but someone sent me a term that I've used, that we used to use in the 70s, which I liked, synonymous for television, the boob tube.
	Yeah, the boob tube.
	I think that's still in play.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I think so.
	You know, I did a column in PC Magazine sometime in the 90s, I recall, because I was kind of annoyed by the word nerd.
	Okay.
	And no one had ever done an entomology of the word.
	I mean, they did, but they were all lame and they were all guessing.
	It was almost like, again, the 12-year-old saying, I think it came from here, I think it came from there.
	Right.
	And they were getting it from ne'er-do-well.
	Which made no sense to me whatsoever.
	So I started doing as much research as I could, and I finally tracked it down, and then I checked with...
	With Dr.
	Seuss.
	From the White House.
	Literally.
	And it came from a 1950s book, If I Ran the Zoo.
	That's the first use of the word nerd, and I could find no predating from 1950.
	I couldn't find anything in the 40s, 30s of anyone ever using the word.
	It began usage with this character, and it was a little bitty, nerdy-looking guy.
	So it made nothing but sense to me that this was with the etymology.
	So it's a made-up word made up by Dr.
	Seuss?
	Yeah.
	Cool.
	Yeah, so it's made up by Dr.
	Seuss as a nerd.
	And so I confirmed it with Seuss and his assistant.
	And Geis is his name.
	I can't remember his first name.
	The writer.
	And he was pretty old then.
	But he...
	He made it up and he didn't realize that it was the formation of the word nerd.
	I wrote all this history out.
	And so then...
	So I thought it was kind of cool that I found out the origins of this word.
	And so then I went...
	And then kind of the kicker to the story is I went to the Universal Studios Park in Orlando and they had an If I Ran the Zoo exhibit.
	Hmm.
	The nerd was not in it.
	Ah, and so you complained bitterly, no doubt.
	Well, it just seems to me that of all the things in this modern age that you'd want in this exhibit...
	You'd want the nerd, of course.
	...the nerd character.
	One time I was at a party.
	I won't say whose place, but it's one of these guys.
	Actually, I think it was the CEOs of Intuit.
	And there's a big mansion.
	Scott.
	And so there's this party there.
	And I was in one of the rooms talking to somebody, and there's this one very cynical guy making me look like a normal guy.
	And we're talking about, well, you know, there's a lot of, you know, I was actually promoting the Valley thing as a way that a lot of ideas and stuff are generated.
	And I was, I don't know why I was so up-tempo.
	You were smoking the dope.
	I was not smoking anything.
	In fact, I wasn't even drinking much.
	Maybe that's the problem.
	But anyway, whatever the case, this guy says, what are you talking about?
	He says, this whole thing is just a big scam.
	All these guys are just a bunch of salesmen selling crap to the public.
	There's nothing to it.
	It's shallow.
	It's just making money for the making of money's sake.
	And he went on and on, and I walked away going, you know what?
	He's right.
	So anyway, there's a very interesting story here in the U.S. that people should follow.
	We have a thing on the blog called the Police State News Bulletin.
	And this is the most interesting one recently.
	It looks like in a park in Columbus, Ohio, the police decided to take one of their officers and strip her naked.
	And they put her in the park to see what kind of perverts they could lure.
	Is there a picture?
	There's kind of a blurry picture you can see.
	Is she hot?
	It's nothing.
	She looks like just a naked girl in a park.
	If I'm in the Berkeley area, I mean, this is like a...
	I don't know how they do it here.
	But anyway, so they used to have these naked sit-ins in Berkeley.
	They still do them.
	It's horrible, by the way.
	It's like something you don't ever want to see.
	It's just a lot of naked, misshapen people, and you're just shaking your cringe.
	Actually, you have the shakes for about a week after you've witnessed this.
	Anyway, so...
	This woman was there and some guy who happened to be a firefighter goes over there and he says, you know, he says, whoa, a naked girl in the park, this is interesting.
	So he goes over and starts chatting with her.
	And then she starts, you know, doing everything short of fondling, and she puts her legs on him, and she's, you know, flirting, and she tells, she, you know, says, well, so what do you got inside there, big boy, kind of thing, and so he excuses himself, and a bunch of cop cars drive.
	And then they jump on, and wait, was there a camera?
	I mean, was this like a reality show?
	Yeah, they have to think.
	Yeah, no, it wasn't a reality show.
	It wasn't that crazy, you know, NBC thing.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But it was simple.
	But they do have it videoed, and it's available.
	You can link to it from the original site.
	So they arrest this guy for, you know, a pervert, you know, because he's obviously a must.
	You know, if you're a heterosexual male attracted to a naked girl, you're obviously a pervert.
	You're a pervert.
	And so they found, and he's a firefighter, which is really...
	Too bad.
	And so they found him guilty, and they couldn't do anything about the entrapment laws or anything like that.
	And some people on my blog pointed out that some of the entrapment laws have actually been circumvented by new legislation that's been slipped in where it's legal to do anything.
	Oh, of course.
	And meanwhile...
	Stories on top of a story that's even more ludicrous, which is taking the cops that patrol the subway system, are leaving objects laying around, like a wallet or an iPod.
	And if somebody picks one of these things up...
	Boom, you get jumped.
	You get it for whatever.
	I'm not even sure what the crime is, but they figure it's a crime.
	And so they've arrested over 300 citizens who just pick stuff up, even though in New York there's a law that says if you find something valuable, you have 10 days to turn it in.
	They don't care.
	They just arrested them anyway, because this is one way to get your numbers up.
	Big news came out.
	As we kind of expected, Amazon has part...
	Well, we're not going to say Amazon.
	We'll say Doorbell Camera Company Ring, owned by Amazon...
	has partnered with 400 police forces across the United States, granting them potential access to homeowners' camera footage and a powerful role in what the community calls the nation's new neighborhood watch.
	The partnership allows police to automatically request video recorded by homeowners' cameras within a specific time and area, helping officers see footage from the company's millions of internet-connected cameras installed nationwide.
	I just want to read that again.
	Helping officers see footage from the company's millions of internet-connected cameras installed nationwide.
	Now, you're the company's customers, but okay, they're yours, I guess.
	Probably in the EULA. Officers will not receive ongoing or live video access, and homeowners can decline the requests, which Ring sends via email.
	And I have a feeling that if you don't respond, they just do it anyway, and why the hell wouldn't they allow access regardless of what you say?
	This is so bad.
	We have created a security state in our own neighborhoods.
	Everybody on my street has them.
	You cannot walk on my street without someone seeing you.
	You must obey.
	That's exactly what it is.
	I find this very disturbing and I don't know what to do.
	You can't vandalize them because everyone sees you walking up.
	Is there any thinking on how we can...
	You can vandalize them.
	Yeah, but I don't want to be caught vandalizing.
	No, here's how you do it.
	A little tip for any vandals out there.
	We probably have a few listeners who are vandals.
	The humorous ones.
	You put a ski mask on, run out of your house as fast as you can.
	But first of all, you put a piece of wood or something in front of your own ring.
	So it's like, oh, I didn't know it was there.
	Wait, hold on.
	You're going too fast.
	I've got to take notes.
	Hold on.
	Okay, put a block of wood in front of your own room.
	Would gaffer's tape be okay?
	All right, wood.
	Yes, wood.
	Got it.
	Hey, put a ski mask on.
	Grab a spray can of...
	Do I need a rope for this as well?
	No, just a spray can of black...
	And a MAGA hat.
	Use Rust-Oleum paint because it's got some chemicals in there that might...
	Scratch up the lens.
	Yeah.
	And then run over to your neighbors and spray the thing as fast as you can, making sure that you can't be seen from other ring doorbells leaving your own house.
	If you can make sure of that, then you can do it.
	No.
	The whole street is...
	Well, we're on a cul-de-sac, so we're blanketed all the way around.
	I don't think you can see your porch from another house.
	The minute you get on the street, everybody can see you.
	So the minute you walk out your driveway, everybody can see me.
	In this configuration, we're in a cul-de-sac.
	That's where we live.
	So, I don't like your idea.
	I wish there was something.
	I wish I could.
	Can you destroy him with a laser?
	You know, can I shine a laser?
	Well, that used to ruin cameras.
	That won't work anymore, will it?
	I don't think a laser is going to do much.
	I mean, it's possible from a distance if you had a high enough output laser, which is probably illegal to begin with.
	That's something you don't want to play with.
	You could probably blast them, you know, one at a time, but you have to be a pretty good shot.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but again, you know, oh, maybe a drone.
	Maybe a drone with a spray can attachment or something.
	That's an idea.
	That would work.
	Now you're thinking.
	A drone with a spray can attachment or like one of those drones that holds like a.45 and shoots.
	The judge.
	Strap the judge to my drone.
	We'll take care of that for you.
	Okay, well, what I hate the most about TV, I think, is what you were referring to.
	It's okay.
	Just go ahead.
	So, I want you to...
	This is what I hate the most about TV. And I saw two examples of it.
	I saw it on Shark Tank does this constantly, and I don't like the show.
	I don't like Shark Tank.
	Bunch of glib guys.
	It's just not a...
	I don't like the show.
	Do you know they asked me to be on that show?
	With the product?
	No, as a shark.
	Oh, why don't you do it?
	Well, I'll tell you why.
	They call up and I say, that'd be great.
	I'd be fantastic on the show.
	I think I can evaluate pitches.
	I've been through a couple.
	I said, okay, and you'll invest?
	I said, no, I'm not going to invest a dime in any of that crap.
	No, you have to actually invest.
	Wait, see, you're telling me that you don't have a budget that gives these schmucks with their ideas some money.
	All these sharks invest their own money.
	They really do it.
	Yeah, they really do it.
	I said, okay, I'm out.
	I'm out.
	What am I going to...
	Hey, I will take 50% of your company for $800.32 for my podcast money.
	So they must think you're loaded.
	Well, this is a long time ago.
	Oh, but you were loaded.
	Yes.
	And even then, I'm like, I'm not doing that.
	I'm not going to sit on your TV show for this.
	No.
	Well, that'd have been fun.
	No.
	Anyway, so they do this on the show.
	They do it on...
	Ramsey does it.
	This is from the cooking show.
	One of the ones where they have the home cooks and they all come out.
	Ramsey can't really yell and scream at him too much.
	And they do it on...
	A lot of it...
	They do this on The Voice.
	They do this on...
	They do this on all the shows.
	And I just am sick of it.
	But play this clip.
	I'm trying to think...
	Oh, I got it.
	Here we go.
	Easy to tell it.
	But, sadly, there can only be one winner.
	Oh, I know.
	The home cook receiving a major advantage in the upcoming challenge.
	That person is...
	Go to commercial!
	It's time for a getaway.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Well, of course we're doing that.
	You wait for the reveal and then commercial break.
	So every one of these things, because television the way it is now, there's other things to watch.
	And so when they do this, when they go to the commercial, and if it's not on the DVR, I mean, if it's on the DVR, just skip the commercials anyway, but...
	They go, and here's, and so I, on this case, I said, oh, crap, and so I went and started watching other stuff, and I never went back to the show.
	Never went back to the show.
	I don't know who won, looking back on it, who cares?
	This is just a stupid show, TV, we're watching too much TV anyway, and I'm not going to be suckered by one of these, these, oh, and the winner is, and then they cut to a commercial, and then you have to watch a bunch of commercials.
	You know what?
	I don't care who the winner is.
	No, as we used to say in the olden days, it's no sweat off my balls.
	I always heard back, but maybe California had a different saying.
	This is a phenomenon I have in my house.
	Oh, okay.
	Listen up, people.
	It's a singular house phenomenon.
	And so I hear, and the volume you're going to hear this at is what I'm hearing.
	And play the Mockingbird clip.
	And this is what I'm hearing in my downstairs.
	this is mk ultra man No, so I am multi-mockingbird.
	So I have a mockingbird.
	I've always had mockingbirds in the area.
	And this, by the way, this is, if you want to play a little more that I play, you don't have to.
	Yeah, I do.
	I like it.
	You recorded this yourself.
	Let me say a couple things about this bird.
	This bird has no talent.
	He should be ashamed of himself.
	But that's beside the...
	He's got no rhythm.
	He's got no song.
	He's just, you know, doing his normal mockingbird thing.
	He stinks.
	I've had plenty of mockingbirds that can do a variety of noises that are just astonishing.
	Now, this guy does have a car horn.
	You can play that.
	Car alarm.
	What?
	This bird has a car alarm?
	They all do.
	Oh.
	There we go.
	All the mockingbirds get a couple of calls.
	I was not aware.
	Yeah.
	You can play in the background as I explain what the deal is.
	This is a recording that you put on your trading website, right?
	No, that's a Holland thing.
	I'm going to post this, but I haven't yet.
	And what it is, is that this mockingbird, or any mockingbird, but this particular one, he likes to get on top of the chimney, and he uses the chimney itself as a resonance vehicle to make his voice go sound.
	Have you considered shooting him with a BB gun?
	No, I'm not shooting him.
	You can't shoot mockingbirds.
	Okay.
	They add a nice little thing to the...
	You can play it in the background.
	I'm playing it in the background.
	So he gets on top of the chimney and he starts...
	And it's way up there, so he makes a bunch of racket.
	And he goes straight down the chimney into the house.
	No!
	Yes!
	At this volume.
	And you go, oh, the mockingbird.
	Did you light a fire?
	No, no, no.
	But I did take the recorder, I took an H2, and I stuck it in the firebox.
	The chat room says, standing wave mockingbird.
	So when you're in the house, it sounds like the mockingbird is in the house.
	Got it.
	So it's actually quite amusing to me.
	And I will give a washing detergent tip for people out there who are listening to No Agenda Show for these rare gems.
	Hold on a second.
	Ladies and gentlemen, a washing machine tip from John C. Dvorak.
	Okay, so I was, of course, part of my job, I was meeting with, in some situation, with Colgate Palmolive.
	And they told me, I've given this tip before on the show, but I think people should know it.
	If you're going to buy detergents, whether it's dishwasher detergent or laundry detergent or anything that you expect to clean something with, always get the liquid.
	Always the liquid?
	Yes, and here's the reason, I was told.
	What's happened over the years is some of the stuff that the way laundry detergent was first discovered was they let a bunch of the soaps that they made dry up and it became flakes and so they developed a laundry detergent that was just a powder and you'd dump it in and you'd clean with it.
	So it was basically a secondary product.
	It was a byproduct of the original.
	Yeah, but what happened was they banned all the phosphates and other chemicals that used to be great cleaners that you could turn into powder.
	And why did they ban them?
	Was it killing people?
	No, it was environmental.
	It was the EPA and others because it was making blooms of algae in lakes and it was causing water lilies to grow out of control.
	It's a...
	The phosphates are a food for plant life, and so it was a problem.
	So they banned all this stuff.
	So they had to reformulate to produce these new chemicals that did as good a job of cleaning, but they could not make it into a powder.
	It wouldn't powderize.
	So they started selling this idea of liquid.
	And so liquid, if you want to have anything that actually cleans, unless you're in Mexico where they still sell the original stuff, But in the United States, if you want anything that actually cleans and works, it has to be liquid.
	Now, first of all, thank you for this tip.
	Ladies and gentlemen, John C. Devorak with a tip and only the tip.
	As he is known, Mr.
	Tip.
	Would you, since, you know, of course, we talk about all kinds of products on the show, products that we like, products that we don't like, because we're not paid, we don't have no advertisement, I would like to know, what is your liquid detergent of choice?
	I do like Tide.
	Ha!
	But knowing that these formulations are pretty universal, I'll buy anything if it's on sale.
	So I use Tide, I use Era, I use All, I use the pens.
	But Tide, I believe to be probably one of the best formulations you could buy, especially the ones...
	But there's a lot of different formulations, and you have to kind of pick and choose which one you want.
	If you want the fake bleach that's in Tide, which is actually an enzyme.
	Well, I'll tell you, I'm a Tide man myself.
	Yeah.
	And that is because for the three months I went to college in West Virginia, my roommate, Tyree Hamilton from Newark, a black kid, he taught me how to wash my clothes properly.
	He also taught me how to moisturize.
	I'm going to tell you, the black guys know how to moisturize.
	And he said, Tide, man.
	It's only Tide.
	Now, I don't remember if we...
	I think we had liquid.
	But I've been a Tide man ever since.
	So when I was in high school, I was one of the lucky slash unlucky appointees to the Model UN. One of those kids that was in the Model UN. They have this around the country.
	You were a globalist early on.
	How interesting.
	Oh, yeah.
	Absolutely.
	And so the Model UN, or Mock UN, I think it was also called, but it was the Model UN, and every school got to send two representatives as though it was a country.
	To the Model UN, and I think it was in Berkeley they had it, of course, at one of the big auditoriums at Cal.
	And so we all went there and stayed in the hotel.
	They put us up in a hotel in downtown Berkeley, and me and my pal was Bill Cady.
	Yeah.
	toilet paper rolls out the window to see if they would unravel and make a streamer.
	But during the Model UN, you learned Robert's Rules of Order, which have all these points of order, points of information, points of this, points of that, points of this, points of that.
	And there's a relatively, maybe there's about 12 of them.
	But in that event that you were listening to, they were making some up.
	I mean, there's no such thing as point of cliche or whatever.
	Point of personal privilege?
	No, point of personal privilege is one of them.
	Oh, point of debate?
	Point of information?
	That's one of them.
	I think it was point of debate or something they said that was not one of them.
	But all those other ones...
	Point of order is the main one.
	Point of information, point of personal privilege.
	Those are all real.
	And so when you went to this thing, it was a big UN assembly, and you had little signage, and you sat there like one of the UN ambassadors.
	And I don't know what they accomplished.
	I do know that it kind of was childish in the way that we just witnessed with the DSA. It was a lot of point of this, point of that.
	Everyone's trying to show off that they know the rules, and so they wanted to say something.
	We didn't have the pronoun thing, obviously, but that's what I was reminded of.
	I was reminded of kind of a high school group trying to figure out the world, and they're up there in some fake meeting.
	It was borderline pathetic.
	I was at one time, there was a sales guy that took a liking to me because he couldn't sell me anything.
	So he was an insurance guy.
	This was when I was in college, and I had pretty decent, not great, sales resistance.
	And I've run into people that I can't resist.
	There's no way I'm going to get out of it.
	I just, okay, I'm out of here.
	Whatever you want.
	But most people I can resist.
	If you go to the Middle East and deal with some of these Arab and Lebanese and some of these sales guys.
	Generally speaking, you're not going to lose a lot of money, but you've got to pay up.
	Or you don't get out alive.
	You're never going to get anywhere.
	But with most Americans or the typical Western sales guys, they have all these tricks and they go from one to the other to the other.
	This guy went through the entire litany and he kind of ended with this condemning type of sales pitch.
	And he never could break me.
	And so eventually, he said, you know, I like you.
	And he bought me a cup of coffee.
	And that was the end of it.
	Which I thought was a personal victory.
	Victory for you.
	I had a similar situation just recently when I took my car over to get it washed at this place.
	I kept seeing this in Marin County.
	It's a washing place.
	It's off on the other side of the Richardson Bay Bridge.
	And it is...
	There's cars out there and they're scrubbing them down.
	There's like a hand wash that has a machine augmentation.
	And you go, I say, I got to get my car washed.
	I go in there.
	The guy has a sales pitch for this $500 worth a thousand wax job.
	Where they wax your car, and then they put this other stuff on it, and they put this other stuff on it, and so I've got to tell the story, if you don't mind.
	Wait, can I just guess the ending?
	Did your 25-year-old Lexus come out looking like a 2019 model?
	I never bought into it because I luckily did not have any...
	I just was going to go to pay cash for a thing and I didn't have $500 in cash and that was my out.
	It was great.
	I would love to do this.
	I will come back and do this later but I only have $60 in cash and so I got to get a gas filled and I got to get a wash.
	Okay.
	He finally gave up realizing I was telling the truth.
	But But one of the things he did was at the back of the car, he had half of the trunk area.
	He had to polish.
	He polished and polished and polished.
	And then he did a whole little section.
	He said, feel that, feel that.
	And you felt it.
	It was really smooth and clean.
	It was like, wow, yeah, that's great.
	He said, well, the whole car will be like, yeah, I don't know.
	I got 60 bucks.
	Okay.
	So I go through, it comes through the washing machine, comes out the other end.
	They wipe it down.
	They do all what they do, which is kind of interesting in itself.
	The first thing I do is I check that area.
	It was no different than the rest of the car.
	When I was doing the tech TV show, Silicon Spin, we used to have different people on.
	I used to have Danny Ash on a lot and all kinds of others.
	Who's Danny Ash?
	Danny Ash was Danny.
	She makes like, we figure, $4 million a year doing just softcore.
	Oh, okay.
	She's a softcore girl and she has her sites, Danny's Hard Drive.
	Oh, Danny's Hard Drive.
	Okay, I've heard of that, sure.
	And she's the sweetest thing you ever wanted to meet.
	She's gorgeous, too.
	But she's a businesswoman.
	She's actually a hardcore businesswoman.
	And she would have some real interesting insights into all this stuff.
	And her husband was like a lawyer.
	So she was like the businesswoman.
	He's a lawyer.
	She's a stripper, or not a stripper, but whatever she was.
	She was an exhibitionist.
	High-end sexy shots.
	Hot shots, right?
	That's about it.
	But we did some calculations at the time, and this was in the late 90s, 98 maybe, 99, something like that, that we figured she was made about 2.5 based on her numbers and the rest of what we knew.
	But other people would come through this show, and they were porn people, and you could tell that they were being corrupted by it.
	Dani, less so, because I think she was pretty...
	Just a normal exhibitionist type woman.
	But other people you could see, especially men, you could see them just slowly creeping toward that.
	I think I'd look pretty good with that big gold necklace.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Maybe I should open my shirt up a little bit more.
	I'm growing some hair here with the gold necklace.
	I think it's going to look pretty good.
	That's a good look.
	Yeah, that's real good.
	You can just see them falling into it.
	I could grease my hair a little more.
	I think maybe that would look good.
	What about a mustache?
	No, screw it.
	How about your vodka lesson?
	Do the vodka lesson.
	All right.
	Years ago, when I went to...
	I don't know why this isn't something that everybody doesn't do, because we kind of do it a lot at the house in Washington.
	We have a whole cellar full of these things.
	Mimi does a lot of these, which are infused vodkas.
	It's really a great thing.
	I didn't think much about it, and I don't want to brag about where I was, but I was in Jakarta at some fancy nightclub.
	It's on somebody else's tab.
	And, you know, I wanted some, I don't know, we wanted some drink.
	We're going to go, try this drink.
	And the guy, it was like, it involves Stoli pepper vodka.
	And the bartender says, you know, that Stoli pepper vodka is not really that good.
	You want to try my pepper vodka?
	Oh.
	And I said, sure.
	And so he brought out a bottle of vodka that had a bunch of serenios, like a bunch of them in there.
	And tried that and realized that this pepper vodka was like so much better than the commercial stuff, which probably uses some, there's no peppers in there.
	They'd probably just have some liquid they squeeze in there.
	So I started doing my own pepper vodka and other vodkas, infused vodkas, including the ones with bison grass, which is really one of the best vodkas.
	It's called buffalo grass or bison grass.
	And it's also called sweet grass in this country.
	And you take a little pile of it, not too much, and you put it in some vodka and it adds this outrageously delicious flavor.
	Now what kind of vodka do you need to use as your base?
	Just any vodka, any plain vodka.
	The Stoli?
	The Stoli's fine.
	It's not the best vodka.
	The best vodkas actually do taste different from vodka to vodka.
	If I was going to just recommend a vodka out of the blue, I would recommend the Costco Kirkland Vodka that's made in France.
	And because everybody and their sister, and Costco will admit to this, knows that that's Grey Goose.
	Ah, okay.
	That's interesting.
	And it's cheap.
	It's much cheaper than Grey Goose, obviously.
	It's half the price.
	It's not even half.
	It's beyond half the price of Grey Goose.
	Wait a minute.
	So a bottle of Grey Goose is what?
	50 bucks?
	40 bucks?
	No, it's about at Costco it's I think 35, 35 bucks.
	What, the Grey Goose or the Costco stuff?
	The Grey Goose.
	And Costco's like...
	$14, $15, $16, $19 for a liter, 1.75 liters.
	It's a big giant bottle.
	So there's your tip right there, everybody.
	Go buy this and then send the extra $14 to the No Agenda show.
	I think I mentioned this after the show and you said you didn't say it on the show.
	I thought I did, but I'll say it now.
	When I was a kid, that's what we were taught.
	We were taught that the Amazon produces all this oxygen, and it's very crucial that it remain intact.
	Yes, I think I learned similar.
	Yeah.
	It just reminds me of the International Geophysical Year, which I believe was 1957.
	And was recorded by Steely Dan.
	Before the International Geophysics Year, everybody...
	It's just a coincidence that if you look at a globe, that South America kind of fits into Africa like a couple of jigsaw puzzle keys.
	Oh, yeah.
	I always heard the...
	No, no, no.
	You think that fits?
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Yeah, it's bullcrap.
	It's a coincidence.
	And then the International Geophysical Year appeared, and that's when they discovered tectonic plates, and they realized that, yes...
	It was once one giant landmass, and it moved away very slowly, but it did fit, which was the first thing you'd see when you looked at a globe.
	Logically, it looked like it fits, and they're trying to deny the obviosity of it.
	Why were they denying it, when now it's generally accepted as true?
	Baffling.
	It just became some sort of a standard, you know, somebody...
	I have no idea.
	They didn't want to believe it, I guess.
	It was like, no, that can't possibly be true because that means it would be one giant landmass.
	And we have no evidence of such a thing.
	Yeah, three, four topics sounds about right.
	Maybe if we do it once a week, it might work out.
	Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
	I don't think we can sustain this length because sometimes the interview you had with Dr.
	Ron was worth discussing for a while.
	Yeah, true.
	Okay, so we'll see.
	But I would say, I agree, this is maybe a little bit on the long side, but just under, you know, 40 minutes is pretty much the max, I think.
	Yeah, I agree.
	Well, there you have it.
	Yeah, I agree.
	A giblet is an order.
	Yeah, I think so.
	And you know what?
	Just run it through YouTube so you get their captions.
	And just take that verbatim.
	It'd be even funnier.
	I might just do that.
	That's funny.
	Thank you very much, Sir Rupin Waffles, for executive producing and putting that together.
	Quite a job.
	To pull all those stories out of over 1,000, what am I saying?
	1,200 episodes.
	Thank you for your courage, because it truly took some to dive in and do all that.
	It took a lot.
	Yeah.
	Well, anyway, I'm glad I had these stories to tell, and I'm sure there's more stories to come.
	And you know what?
	It's codified.
	Your life matters because it's out there in thousands of different copies of MP3s.
	There you go.
	We'll be back on Thursday, right after Christmas, with another episode of the No Agenda Show.
	There'll be 12.02.
	Until then, have a very Merry Christmas.
	And adios, mofos!
	I'm Adam Curry.
	And I'm John C. Dvorak.
	Merry Christmas, everybody.
	We'll talk to you right after the big day.
	Adios!

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