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April 23, 2015 - No Agenda

02:47:59

715: Tom Tatoe

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Time	Text
	You wrote it down and you didn't catch yourself?
	Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak.
	It's Thursday, April 24th, 2015 time for your Gitmo Nation Media Assassination Episode 715.
	This is No Agenda.
	Exonerated by a hair!
	And broadcasting live from the Crackpot Condo in FEMA Region 6 in the capital of the Drone Star State in the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
	And from northern Silicon Valley, where the trucks very slowly go up the road, wasting nothing but fuel, I'm John C. Dvorak.
	It's Crackpot and Buzzkill in the morning!
	What are you, still in Earth Day mode or something?
	Well, it seems to me that when you have all these local governments, for example, in the Berkeley area, they take nice four-lane roads that keep traffic moving, and then they make it a two-lane road with two bike lanes that nobody uses.
	And so now the traffic gets all backed up and just wastes fuel, because you're just sitting there slow.
	So really, it's an underhanded slam at the bike lanes.
	Yes, actually, it is.
	And by the way, you know, I haven't really gone on one of my recent rents, but these guys, you know, these bikers with all these privileges, you'd think they'd follow the rules of the road.
	They never stop at stop signs.
	They go through intersections.
	They're on the wrong side of the road, going the wrong way.
	They're up and then on the sidewalks and then off the sidewalks.
	This is ridiculous.
	The only thing that bothers me really about the bicycle culture in America, and Austin right now, downtown is all broken up, all construction, because we're building bike lanes, and nice ones too, bike lanes with a high curb to protect the bike lane, is they don't have bells.
	This is so baffling to me.
	This is the number one, if you buy a bike in that, even if you steal a bike in Holland, right, which is normal, Your bike gets stolen?
	Eh, I need a bike to go steal someone else's bike.
	It's kind of a circle of life.
	Yeah, so it's all based on Nazi philosophy.
	Yeah, precisely.
	The only thing you will have is you will have your own bell.
	You will buy a bell so you can ding people.
	It's a warning system.
	It's really good.
	Instead of, hey, hey, I'm coming behind me.
	That is what I don't like.
	Just get a bell, people.
	Oh, that's interesting.
	Get a bell.
	I never noticed this, but you're absolutely correct.
	Nobody has a bell.
	And they don't even have a little...
	They used to, when I was a kid, we had little horns.
	Yeah, horn, horn, horn.
	Cute little horns and bells.
	We had horns and bells.
	Horns and bells.
	They did help, you know, the safety.
	But no, these guys have no horns, no bells, no lights most of the time.
	They're driving around at night expecting you to see them based on a reflector they might have.
	In Amsterdam or in the Netherlands.
	It's extremely arrogant.
	You know, you wonder why these guys get run down and then they bitch.
	I got run down!
	You need a light and you need a light in the back as well.
	I see people with big headlights.
	You need a light in the back and you need a bell.
	If you don't have a working bell in the Netherlands, you can get a fine.
	And rightly so.
	Nobody has a bell here at all.
	Nobody has them.
	I know.
	And they drive like maniacs.
	It's ridiculous.
	And then you have the one, the creepy one, which is going down the road.
	And on the other side of the road, you see this very, it's like a small headlamp.
	It's way up in the air.
	The guy's wearing it on his head.
	And they all have helmets, by the way.
	Everyone's got a helmet.
	Not only are you dangerous, but you look dumb.
	So you have a helmet with a light and when you're looking around, which you do, the headlights looking around like somebody's got a flashlight way up in the air in the lane where the cars go.
	You're going, what's going on?
	Alright, alright, alright.
	People tuning in for the first time, this is not representative of the program.
	Yes, it is.
	You said something after the show on Sunday.
	I forget what it was.
	You were looking at some pictures and you said, Oh, you've got a douchebag beard.
	Which I do not.
	This bothers you.
	Yes, because I don't have a douchebag beard.
	I have a scruff.
	Yeah.
	Scruff.
	Tell me the difference, because when I see the classic, you know who these guys are.
	We know a number of them, personally.
	I'm going to make a point here.
	So I don't have the douchebag beard.
	I have a little bit of scruff, which used to be known as the Don Johnson look.
	Do you remember that?
	When Miami Vice first came out and Braun started selling Miami Vice shavers, so you could get the Don Johnson look.
	Well, I couldn't really grow a beard back then, but now I have facial hair.
	And I was talking to Christina about this, because there's a lot of these real douchebag beard dudes running around Austin.
	And they're usually accompanied by, they have a total cut workout body.
	They're wearing cut-off shorts or jeans.
	And you couldn't look more gay.
	You couldn't look more gay.
	I'm like, what is it with the beard?
	And she said, beards are push-up bras for men.
	And only a woman can say this.
	I wouldn't have dreamed that one.
	No, no.
	It's like some little extra flavor crystal that women apparently are really into it these days.
	Yes, during this moment in history.
	It will pass.
	Yeah, it's like this guy when I was working in public radio.
	There's this guy that was in the studio that was a sound engineer.
	And out of the blue, he comes in one week and he's got a soul patch.
	Yeah.
	And there was enough men in the room at the time who were...
	What is wrong with you?
	And so they all gave him...
	He finally admitted that it was his girlfriend that demanded he grow this thing because she thought it was cool.
	And we just, we went into ridicule mode, which a group of men will do.
	Right.
	When something's not, you know, if it was somebody famous with the soul patch, we probably wouldn't have the guts to do this.
	But we ridiculed him and he cut it off and never grew it back.
	And then, of course, we always have the Movember where everyone has to shave off their mustache or all their facial hair as a form of Movember.
	Come on, this has been going on for a couple years.
	As long as beards have been growing in popularity.
	I've never heard of this personally.
	I've never heard of Movember.
	I'm sure there's a Book of Knowledge entry for it.
	In fact, why don't we take a look?
	Book of Knowledge!
	Movember.
	And let's see, as we bring up the wikis.
	Movember, there you go.
	It is, oh, it's for ass cancer.
	Movember for ass cancer.
	Sometimes known as prostate cancer.
	Annual event involving the growing of mustaches.
	Oh, I'm sorry, I have it the wrong way around.
	It's the growing of mustaches.
	So you're supposed to grow the mustache.
	What do I know?
	Wow, you were way off on that one.
	Yeah, I was.
	I was.
	All right.
	Observation.
	Now, I, for at least three, almost three years, did not have a smartphone.
	I carried my Nokia E71 around.
	The old clunker, yeah.
	The old clunker.
	I lost it.
	Yeah.
	You lost it?
	Yeah, it's gone.
	I know where, but I can't really tell you.
	Alright.
	The yellow rose.
	Ah!
	I'm telling you, those girls, they probably stole it.
	Like, look at this, it's an antique.
	What did you get this phone for?
	How old was that guy?
	How old was that guy?
	But I have to say, I don't understand how anyone gets anything done.
	I'm sorry.
	So now I have a smartphone.
	You have a smartphone on and off forever?
	Well, but I primarily needed it for Uber.
	You can't really do Uber on an iPod Touch.
	Sometimes the guy needs to call you, and if you don't have a connection, then you don't need it.
	Lots of stuff.
	So you need one.
	As a single guy, I think you kind of need one.
	But, oh my goodness.
	This texting, which is the same as messaging.
	This is a very troubling, troubling thing that's going on in society, John.
	Push the microphone button.
	Thank you.
	Or call me.
	So on the iPhone, you have the message app, which not only...
	Well, once you receive a message from someone through the SMS system, then if it's an iPhone, it will then convert that into a message path that goes through the Apple servers...
	I've also noticed you can use an email address to just send something.
	This is a big problem, by the way.
	So if you have the message app, you can send it to an email address.
	And of course, I'm saying this now.
	Everyone's going to fucking do this to me.
	And it pops up where your SMS would pop up.
	And SMS, where I come from, is, you know, that's what, hey, this is a short message.
	This is something important.
	When I was a kid.
	Look at this now.
	But now this is being abused.
	With also, you know, with the no limitation on 140 characters, which is where the Twitter limitation came from, and people just have these ongoing conversations, ongoing!
	And then there's, oh, it's not just messages, it's the Facebook...
	Well, you sound like a guy from the 20s.
	It's the Facebook Messenger, and we have WhatsApp, and we have Telegram and Signal, and a million different, and oh, I'm on this, so...
	But somehow we've gotten into this, it's okay to just be messaging back and forth.
	And to me, I don't know what to do because if I don't reply, I think to myself, well, maybe this person thinks I hate them because I'm not replying.
	Or you go back and forth three times.
	You're wrong on every one of these items.
	First of all, I use messaging a lot.
	But my phone is off most of the time.
	I don't carry the phone around with me all the time.
	I usually turn it off because I don't feel like taking the walk upstairs to plug it into the USB port to charge it.
	So I turn it off downstairs and leave it there.
	And it could be off for days.
	I may not use the phone forever.
	I turn it on and there's a bunch of messages and I... You know, there could be days old, and then I will say yeah, no, I will answer the...
	Oh, you said yeah, no!
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, no.
	Yeah, no.
	You say yeah, and you say no, and on the messages, okay, I'll do this, I'll do that, and you just...
	And they come in two or three days later, then people will say, oh, that guy, he's a slow messenger.
	No, he's a douchebag.
	No, nobody thinks so.
	I text you so many times, and I've given up.
	And then two days later, I'll get, you texted me?
	What was this about?
	Well, I don't know, man.
	You were live on some show, and I was texting you with correct information because you looked like a doofus.
	No.
	How about on the way home?
	No, no, two days later with you.
	Two days later.
	There you have it.
	There's your solution.
	And you don't hear me complaining.
	Right.
	You feel obliged.
	No, no, no, John.
	This is not about me.
	I'm trying to point something out.
	When all these people you see...
	I make these observations.
	I know you do as well.
	Wherever you are, if there's a cluster of people, they're all head down doing something.
	And the something they're doing is messaging back and forth.
	And I don't understand how...
	This is detrimental to the economy.
	Oh, I agree with that.
	And by the way, while you're mentioning it, if you're going to bring up that complaint, and I always find it annoying to see this when somebody's so engrossed on their phone, but why does Hillary on her Twitter page have her little individual picture of her looking at her phone and the big artwork across the top of her page has got her looking at her phone?
	Now, I'm guessing somebody in the public relations department said, you're going to look young and hip by being on the phone, looking at your phone.
	So there's not a picture of a smiling Hillary looking out at the camera or anything else.
	There's a picture of her on her phone texting Hillary.
	On her Twitter account.
	I believe this is also a bit of a callback because it's her BlackBerry.
	You'll recall when Senator Barack Obama was running for president, this was going to be the cyber-connected president.
	This was going to be the guy.
	He has got a BlackBerry, and he's going to use it.
	I believe it's a callback to that.
	Here's someone who really knows how to use a BlackBerry, and when she uses it, people die.
	And she has her own server.
	She's that smart.
	Yeah, man, that bitch should be president.
	I'm telling you.
	I pray every day.
	That's probably true.
	But whatever the case, I said it and I caught myself.
	You said it in the newsletter.
	It's not in there now.
	Oh, you took it out.
	Okay.
	It's so bad that when you wrote down whatever the case.
	Because that newsletter produced almost nothing.
	When you wrote down for the newsletter in your draft, and John always sends me the draft for spelling mistakes and stuff, which I also don't catch all of them.
	But I said, you wrote whatever the case.
	You wrote it.
	You wrote it down and you didn't catch yourself?
	I expected you to catch it.
	I rely on you, my friend.
	Keep me on the straight and narrow.
	I want to identify a new self-moral licensing meme that is taking place.
	We will soon be enveloped in this, and it's a bad one.
	Now, to explain, the ALS challenge, the ice bucket challenge, and I don't remember what episode that was, but I'll look for it, and you should probably, if not listen to that episode, I can find noagendaplayer.com, someone can probably find the exact link where we start talking about it.
	Many studies have been done on the concept of moral self-licensing, where You do something like change your Twitter icon, or you say, hey, damn those guys, whatever it is, or you do an ice bucket challenge, and you're done.
	And then you've given yourself moral license to no longer do anything else for charity, certainly not for that charity, or maybe any other charitable giving practice.
	You just don't do anything.
	You've done your part.
	You've done your bit.
	The new one, the new challenge is...
	Eating a lime for Lyme disease.
	And it's hilarious, because you see people put a lime in their mouth.
	I would have caught this by now.
	I haven't seen this.
	It just started, and I know why you haven't found it, because it started with Ryan Seacrest has set this up, so that's why I believe it will get legs.
	Well, he does have the...
	With the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the Yolanda Foster, the Dutch girl, woman, who's married to...
	Is it Peter Foster, the songwriter, musician?
	I have no idea who you're talking about.
	Frank Foster.
	Well, he wrote a million hits for Whitney Houston, Barbara Streisand.
	I don't know who this woman is.
	Well, she's a Beverly Hills Housewife.
	I don't watch these Housewives shows.
	But I'm just telling you, she has Lyme disease.
	And so they've started off, and they're getting all of this going.
	And I think it'll get legs, because it's so funny to eat a Lyme disease.
	It has nothing to do with Lyme.
	I know.
	It smelled like a Lyme.
	David Foster.
	And secondly...
	From now on, Fred Foster.
	Straight citric acid at the level of concentration in a lime or anything but a Meyer lemon is so high that it actually attacks the enamel of your teeth and is not good for you.
	Great!
	Then we can have another moral self-licensing, which is save the enamel.
	Or whatever.
	This is not going to...
	I'm putting in the Red Book, this is not going to catch on.
	Okay.
	I believe Ryan Seacrest has the juice, man.
	Well, no, it caught on if Leo does it.
	Well, Leo is catching on.
	You know what I hate and I do it all the time?
	Yeah, no.
	Yeah, no.
	That's amazing.
	You know, he was...
	I did his show.
	Yeah, the...
	Where?
	I won the bet!
	You won the bet.
	Explain.
	Which was annoying.
	I can't remember what the bet was.
	The bet was, I said, the new secret unannounced show would be the screensavers.
	Showstoppers.
	This is great.
	That is our new show.
	Showstoppers.
	We were just chatting.
	There was a bunch of people there.
	It was an anniversary show.
	And he said something that was so new to the No Agenda show meme fest.
	Yeah.
	One of our analysis.
	And he just kind of drops it in.
	I don't know that he knew he was doing it because when he's trying to...
	Needle me, I can tell.
	He has a certain way about him.
	But he just kind of mentioned something and he got it from the show.
	He listens to the show.
	He's a liar.
	Of course he listens.
	He wants to see what we're up to.
	He wants to see if we mention him.
	Is it less mentioned?
	We had a lot of interesting news stories this week.
	Yes, we did.
	Some good stuff.
	We have a couple of minor stories that I think are just kind of stupid.
	I don't know if they're part of the cluster or what the deal is.
	But we can play this clip, which is the dumb fucks try to join ISIL, which I thought was just...
	Six Minnesota men will face trial for allegedly trying to join the Islamic State group.
	They were arrested yesterday on terror charges in Minneapolis and San Diego.
	In St.
	Paul today, the U.S. Attorney for Minnesota, Andrew Lugar, said the six were of Somali backgrounds and had been conspiring for 10 months.
	Nothing stopped these defendants from pursuing their goal.
	They never stopped plotting another way to get to Syria to join ISIL. They were not confused young men.
	They were not easily influenced.
	These are focused men.
	Who are intent on joining a terrorist organization by any means possible.
	Federal prosecutors say the Islamic State group began recruiting in the Somali community in Minnesota in 2013.
	If...
	Messaging.
	If IS, if IS, if the Islamic State group is a consulting group, then wait till you hear what ISIS is.
	Bill Clinton did a little speech, and I was...
	These are things we need to be thinking about in America as we work to restore broad-based prosperity, as we work to define our role in a world of competition from new and different forces to define the future.
	Arguably the most interesting non-governmental organization today, which proves the importance of inclusion by its shortcomings, But as formidable as ISIS. Wow!
	Wait, wait, wait for it.
	Dave, right off the bat for that.
	Yeah, I'll finish it and then I'll take the clip of the day.
	Listen.
	ISIS. ISIS is a terrorist organization, an NGO. It's a dessert topping and a floral wax.
	ISIS is a terrorist organization and a non-governmental organization.
	You gotta love it.
	Clip of the day.
	Thank you.
	What?
	I don't know, where'd you get that?
	That's an out...
	Somebody sent that.
	It popped up this morning about 15 minutes before we started.
	That is an outstanding clip because what he's saying is interesting because in the back of his mind he knows that most NGOs are terrorist organizations.
	They're the ones behind the Arab Spring.
	They're the ones behind the Ukrainian mess.
	How about Egypt?
	Egypt?
	Egypt?
	How about in Russia?
	Russia kicked them all out, the NGOs.
	Kick them out wisely, and so is Venezuela, because they're always trying to...
	So I like what you said there, because when you reverse engineer his thinking, that's why it comes out like that.
	And I think he...
	And it's sad, because it's not something to be joked with, but I think he has the onset of dementia.
	This is insane for him to say.
	And for the audience to just sit there and go, oh yeah, it's an NGO. What?!
	And it's funny because I went to GuideStar, you know me, and there must be a million ISIS 5013C Corps with ISIS in the name.
	I mean, not a million, but there's at least 500.
	I didn't have time to go through them all in the time that I had left.
	But maybe ISIS has an actual, maybe they are, who knows?
	Maybe they do have a non-profit status.
	Status.
	Well, a couple things about these boneheads that went, you know, the Somalians from Minnesota must be freezing their asses off up there.
	A couple things I wanted to kind of discuss.
	First of all, Unless we've declared war, the Congress has declared war, and we haven't done that since World War II, why can't these guys go over there if they feel like it?
	They're Americans, they're citizens, they want to travel to Syria and go play games with these clowns?
	You know the answer.
	Shut up, slave!
	You making problems, citizen?
	Are you part of ISIS, citizen?
	What's your problem, citizen?
	I don't see it.
	In fact, I believe if they had good lawyers, they would get off of these charges.
	Absolutely.
	Absolutely.
	It's...
	Now, another thing about these guys, I don't have the clip of it, but I think it was on Democracy.
	For some reason, they have been bugging these guys' phones, I guess, for the last year, which I don't know how they made this decision.
	Of course, they just bugged everyone's phones.
	And one guy says to the other, he says, okay, well, we've got to be really careful this time because, you know, we've made a lot of dumb decisions.
	LAUGHTER Well, let's talk about this for a moment because I ran across a video presentation which was done earlier this week at the RSA conference.
	I don't know much about RSA as an organization other than they maintain security products and encryption stuff.
	Can you tell me exactly what the RSA is?
	Well, I've been to their conventions that they have, and I've hung out with the guy who founded the company.
	I've hung out with him.
	And Biz Doss, he's got some very nameless and unpronounceable.
	Is that his name?
	Biz Doss?
	I'd have to look it up, but it's the funny last name.
	Anyway, but they started off as a security company selling products, encryption products a lot, mostly, and they've somehow become so involved with the government, and I don't know, it's almost like a government company.
	Well, that makes a lot of sense, because who was presenting?
	Our buddy, the trigger man himself, the man who used to say, yeah, you can kill that American citizen with a drone, go for it, Judd Johnson.
	He calls himself J, but when you spell it J-E-H, you're J. J. Johnson.
	And by the way, when I went to meet with these, or hung out with, I actually went to one of the parties and hung out with a bunch of these high-end security guys.
	And by high-end, I mean high-end to the point where they say, well, you know, you can't really use AES-256.
	And they tell you all these...
	get a package to approve it and then they slip it back they recode it and then you're supposed to use it as is and it was pretty corrupt it sounds to me like the whole encryption world is is corrupt with back doors except for a couple of systems which you can't even get a hold of that are used by the swiss banks well i think that some this is a very important speech about 20 minutes a I've, of course, chopped this down in some chunks, although the second clip is a little longer.
	But here's what I believe is happening.
	There is, of course, all kinds of infighting amongst the intelligence agencies.
	We've discussed this many times.
	CIA versus NSA. FBI versus CIA. And, of course, Comey...
	Who was a crime fighter as a prosecutor in New York City.
	He's the director of the FBI, James Comey.
	Known for incredible coup when it comes to locking up very dangerous criminals.
	You mean like Martha Stewart?
	That would be the one.
	And he was a director of HSBC, the bank, during the rate scandal.
	Also overlapping with the money laundering, drug money.
	That guy is so dumb when it comes to anything, really, that he is supposed to know about.
	And he has that weird habit of, you know, mumbling under his breath.
	That mumbling thing is great.
	So here's what I see happening.
	Johnson got put in.
	And by the way, he's out in 2016.
	This is a short-term thing.
	So they bring in the trigger man.
	I believe he is in there.
	And the way I understand his little talk here, all cyber belong to DHS. Man, he is the man.
	And everything is going to be flowing through him.
	Well, this isn't going to go over.
	No, but let's listen.
	First of all, so he doesn't have a tie on.
	I cut out the long-winded joke because it fell so flat.
	But just so you know, he thinks, oh, I'm in Silicon Valley.
	I'm going to be hip for all the hip kids up here.
	I'm not going to wear a tie.
	Good morning.
	How's everybody doing?
	Come on.
	Can we do a little better, please?
	A little more audience participation.
	How's everybody doing?
	Thank you for inviting me here today.
	I'm very excited to address this cyber conference, the largest one in the world.
	I'm so excited that to get into the swing of things, I am not wearing a tie.
	I am unrecognizable to my staff today.
	I did leave it in, I guess.
	It's not the biggest in the world, because the biggest and the largest in the world was just in The Hague.
	So he's full of crap.
	Alright.
	Here is, this is kind of, a lot of this is interesting blips and blops, but here is the, I'm going to go straight into the longer clip, about, well of course we know what the mission is, cyber, terror, we need to be sharing information with companies.
	Cyber security is a major priority for my boss, President Obama.
	Now, arguably, you work for us, but I'll let you slide.
	I just didn't like the way you said it.
	You know what I mean?
	My boss, Barack Obama.
	It just irked me a little.
	Yeah, he works for the public.
	Yeah, he reports to the president, but he works for us.
	So I don't know if you...
	The government has long since given up on that.
	Oh yeah, I remember that.
	Yeah.
	It is a major priority for his entire administration.
	It is a top priority for the Department of Homeland Security.
	For me, personally, as secretary...
	Advancing the department's cybersecurity mission is one of my top goals in office.
	Though I still use an iPod, I am learning.
	Now, so someone wrote this, either he wrote the joke himself, but...
	It really shows how clueless the guy is.
	What the F does an iPod have to do with anything?
	If he had said, I still use DOS or something, but an iPod?
	How does that remotely mean that you're learning?
	It has nothing to do with anything.
	It's like out of the blue saying, I still drive a Nash Rambler.
	But an iPod is not even remotely related.
	Right.
	If he said, I still have a flip phone or something, anything but that.
	So he must be writing this himself.
	And it was stupid.
	And it makes him look stupid.
	and immediately all credibility is gone.
	And you can see the audience go, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, dude.
	Why would you go up there and self-deprecate yourself like that?
	Well, in front of a group like this, you're supposed to be the head of an operation.
	In the end, you'll see he's trying to get something from them.
	The Department of Homeland Security was formed in 2002 in the wake of the terrorist attack on 9-11.
	Counterterrorism is the cornerstone of my department's mission.
	But the reality is that in 2015, cybersecurity has become a mission of equal importance.
	Amen.
	Fist bump.
	Wow.
	So cybersecurity is just as bad as terrorism.
	Okay.
	Hello.
	Military industrial complex.
	Pay attention.
	Pay attention.
	Money bonanza.
	Money bonanza.
	My message to you today is this.
	The government does not have all the answers, nor do we have all the talent by any means.
	He's also recruiting, you see.
	Cybersecurity must be a partnership between government and those of you in the private sector.
	I'm sorry.
	Who made that up?
	Cybersecurity must be a partnership between government and you and the private sector.
	No.
	Fascism must be a collaboration between the government and industry.
	Corporatism?
	But cybersecurity?
	No.
	We need each other and we must work together.
	There are things government can do for you, and there are things we need you to do for us, frankly.
	In private law practice, where I've spent most of my professional life, I was a service provider.
	I serviced Martha Stewart to jail.
	To private clients.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	I bring that attitude to cybersecurity.
	Ah, service me.
	I'm enthusiastic and proud about the direction our department is headed in cybersecurity.
	Okay, stop, stop, stop.
	If he's proud and this and that, he's already admitted that he's an iPod user that doesn't know anything.
	So how can he continue the speech at all?
	He's already disqualified himself to give the rest of the speech.
	Well, he did it because he knew that the No Agenda show needed to have some content.
	We've got plenty of content.
	Not like his.
	We're just getting rolling.
	...of Undersecretary Suzanne Spaulding and Deputy Undersecretary Phyllis Schneck, the former Chief Technology Officer at McAfee.
	Ah, there you go.
	So the people leading the cybersecurity charge are in the revolving door between the virus companies and the government.
	As we've always said...
	We're building an agile and responsive cybersecurity capability.
	Wait for it.
	You're going to flip.
	The Department of Homeland Security is the U.S. government's central interface with the private sector in responding to and mitigating cyber threats.
	This is important, John.
	Department of Homeland Security, they're the interface.
	DHS, don't talk to NSA, don't talk to FBI, don't talk to the CIA. We're also responsible for the security of the federalcivilian.gov world.
	What the hell?
	I didn't understand that.
	The federal civilian, does it mean contractors?
	He said federalcivilian.gov world.
	Yeah, I know what he said.
	He said federal...
	Federalcivilian.gov world.
	.gov, which is some of those organizations that do use.gov.
	I think that's CIA. When you're CIA in the Pentagon, it's civilian in the Pentagon.
	Maybe.
	Well, we'll have to work on it.
	I have to think about this.
	It means everybody, I think.
	Just report to him.
	But anyone who can use.gov or is allowed to, that has something to do with that.
	Central to our efforts is our National Cybersecurity and Communications Integration Center, also known as the NKIC. Thank God we have an acronym, NKIC. The NKIC. NKIC. I didn't spell that.
	Well...
	The acronym is N-C-I-C-C. N-C-I-C-C, but he says N-C-C, like kick butt butt.
	Well, he kind of muffles it, but N-C-C. He says it's N-C-C. That's the acronym.
	Thank you, thank you.
	The N-C-C is a busy place.
	It consists of...
	Well, representatives from many federal government agencies, as well as the private sector on the NKIC floor.
	On the NKIC floor.
	Now, listen.
	They have a floor to themselves.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's a raised floor, like a trading room, with all the wires going to the data center.
	That's what he says when he's talking about the floor.
	In fiscal year 2014 alone, the NKIC received over 97,000 cyber incident reports from the private and government sectors.
	My Facebook won't load.
	97,000.
	Hey man, my email seems to be blocked.
	And issued nearly 12,000 cyber alerts or warnings.
	Cyber alerts.
	12,000?
	Where can I... Well, he's actually going to explain where you can find them later.
	Although, he announced this, but they're not anywhere on their DataGovsa website.
	Almost continually, an NKIC team is in the field.
	In the field.
	Making what is in effect a house call.
	House call.
	They're like doctors.
	On a company to assess a significant cyber incident and helping them to fix it.
	Hello, we're from NKIC, making a house call.
	I see a new show on TV, NKIC. NKIC. Making a house call.
	You know, it's funny about NKIC. N-C-I-C-C, is that what it is?
	N-C-I-C-C, yeah.
	It also stands for the National Coalition for the International Criminal Court, the Nigerian Coalition for the International Criminal Court.
	Did no one check the acronym machine?
	It's got a bunch of names.
	Oh, stupid.
	And who would use N-C-I-C-C? It's too many letters.
	It's the same people who came up with ISIS. For certain diagnoses, we bring in more doctors.
	More doctors?
	What the hell?
	Stop this, Johnson!
	You're making me crazy!
	iPod doctors!
	Fuck you!
	Sorry, it's the Tourette's, but that's insane.
	We bring in more doctors from the NSA, the FBI, or other agencies.
	Why not just say techno experts, but doctors?
	I'll shut up.
	I'll shut up.
	The NKIC identifies numerous vulnerabilities.
	Last year, across dozens and dozens of departments and agencies of the U.S. government, We identified 265 instances of the Heartbleed vulnerability.
	Oh, let me see.
	SSH minus V. Oh, it's an old version.
	Yeah, we've discovered a vulnerability.
	We're really good.
	This is where this guy is just, he is a nincompoop.
	In a three-week period, we reduce them to just two.
	Oh!
	Woo!
	Upgrade!
	Let me see.
	LPM-U SSH. Thank you so much for upgrading my SSH. Last year, we helped the private and government sectors address...
	He actually says government.
	He says government.
	Oh, he's a Republican.
	He's a Republican.
	He says government.
	Last year, we helped the private and government...
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	I messed that up, huh?
	Government.
	I want to hear him say government.
	...the private and government sectors address shell shock, black energy, Havax, black off point of sale, back off point of sale, Lenovo, Superfish, and other vulnerabilities.
	My goal is to see the NKIC move to an even higher and better level.
	All right, so now I'm waiting to see some more.
	The guy is clearly in charge of cyber, and he's now got all kinds of cool things going on, and he is reporting.
	He's not only ingesting, but reporting on cyber vulnerabilities.
	And listen to what he describes here.
	It's one of the most beautiful descriptions of the protocol I've ever heard.
	We are enabling the NKIC to provide near real-time automated information sharing to the private sector.
	I have directed our team to go full throttle on this.
	As you know, cybersecurity is all about speed.
	No, I would disagree.
	I think cybersecurity is about human intelligence, helping people understand how they can get tricked.
	It's not all about speed.
	In fact, sometimes you want to be very slow and take your time reading the email.
	Last week, the NKIC deployed the capability to automate publication of cyber threat indicators in a machine-readable format.
	Whoa!
	Whoa!
	Call Dave Weiner!
	They've made an RSS feed!
	We reached this major milestone five weeks ahead of the deadline.
	It took them five weeks to put an RSS feed together.
	This is insane!
	Does anyone in the audience go, hey, dude, you know, you can get little apps and stuff that can make an RSS feed for you?
	You can find them in the libraries.
	This is what he's describing, an RSS feed.
	Ahead of the deadline.
	Today, we are sharing indicators with an initial set of companies and are in the process of adding others.
	Later this year, we'll be in a position to begin to accept cyber threat indicators from the private sector in automated near-time format.
	Near-time format?
	Okay.
	You botch your own words, douche.
	So you will have an RSS feed reader.
	This is very good.
	I'm very impressed, Joe.
	I wonder if that has anything to do with YouTube's change with their RSS feeds.
	You can still get RSS from them, but you now have to go through their new API and the new authorization scheme.
	I would think that that is...
	The occurrence of that change in the speech is a little too close to be coincidence.
	Near real-time format.
	Real-time format.
	Near real-time.
	Let's get that straight.
	Correct, because it's an aggregator.
	So it's not exactly in real-time, but it's an aggregator.
	He's describing an RSS feed aggregator.
	We have set up the NKIC as your primary pathway to provide cyber threat indicators.
	Sharing.
	To the U.S. government.
	Thank you.
	Yes, the government is trying to make it easier for you.
	Just to give all your users information to us.
	Today, I'm pleased to announce that the Department of Homeland Security is also finalizing plans to open up a satellite office in Silicon Valley.
	Yeah.
	To serve as another point of contact with our friends here.
	Yeah, your friends, our friends.
	Come on over.
	Let's talk.
	We'll have coffee in the NKIC cafeteria.
	In the NKIC lounge.
	We want to strengthen critical relationships in the Silicon Valley and ensure that the government and the private sector benefits from each other's research and development.
	Okay.
	Please, people, and you'll hear some other gotchas in a minute.
	He is literally saying, share the data you have with your...
	Customers, or users, I should say, because they're not customers, the advertisers are the customers, share that with us, and you'll benefit.
	We'll give you something back, or who knows?
	But when they say data, it's not about the company's internal data.
	No.
	Why is it in Silicon Valley?
	It's for Facebook, it's for Google, it's for Apple, it's for all of these people.
	We want to convince some of the talented workforce here in Silicon Valley to come to Washington.
	The new United States Digital Service provides the option for talent to flow and rotate between private industry and our government teams.
	Rotate!
	Rotate!
	In and out!
	Now, is this like a military thing?
	It says U.S. Digital Service?
	Yes, in fact.
	Between private industry and our government teams.
	This will build capacity on all fronts.
	I hope some of you listening will consider a tour of service for your country.
	For your country!
	A tour of service?
	For your country!
	A tour of service is an acronym for we're not going to pay you very much.
	Yeah.
	Just come on over.
	Tour of service.
	Be a collaborateur.
	Be a collaborateur, people.
	This is all good.
	You can join in.
	Be a collaborateur.
	Be a collaborateur.
	All right.
	I'm just pointing out a few of the options.
	This is just a money grab.
	We haven't got enough money wasted by the government.
	This is equal to counter-terrorism?
	Yeah, it's a big money grab.
	And every one of these organizations, the military is going to do their own thing, and they've already said so.
	We've heard many testimony where one of the generals says, well, we're going to put together a whole corps.
	So he's going to address this, because this is exactly the problem.
	I believe Johnson has been given the keys.
	After all, he's the trigger man.
	He was the lawyer in the Pentagon who would say, yes, it's a go.
	Drone that poor 16-year-old kid who's drinking coffee.
	That's what he did for a living.
	To encourage the private sector to share cyber threat indicators with the NKIC, the president also announced that we now support legislation that will provide protection from civil and criminal liability to those who share cyber threat indicators with the NKIC. Screw the laws to protect the consumer.
	Civil.
	Civil.
	Yeah.
	Civil cases.
	Exonerated.
	Laws designed to protect the consumer.
	Consumer?
	Why do you say...
	How about citizen?
	Why consumer?
	Just citizen.
	Citizenry.
	Giving you full immunity.
	You can screw over your customers.
	As much as you want, and they can't do anything about it because we've given you immunity.
	Civil.
	From all civil cases.
	Now this is not...
	They can't sue.
	That means lawsuit.
	That means lawsuit.
	It doesn't mean they could be creating...
	But he said criminal and civil.
	Yes.
	They could be breaking the law besides screwing you, and it's fine.
	They're good to go.
	Thanks for helping.
	Some more share.
	Facebook, sign on to that.
	Oh, they will.
	And that bill will pass.
	Who wouldn't sign on to an immunity deal?
	Yeah.
	Seriously.
	You mean like the vaccine companies?
	Yeah, the vaccine companies of all day.
	Boy, great.
	We don't even have to do pasteurization anymore.
	Hell with it.
	Let's do more sharing in this short clip.
	In February 2015, this year, the president signed an executive order directing the Secretary of Homeland Security.
	That's me.
	That's me!
	Just in case you didn't know, because you're awfully quiet.
	You're not laughing at all my lame jokes.
	That's me!
	To encourage the further development of private information sharing and analysis organizations, or ISEOs.
	Okay.
	Another one.
	ISEOs.
	How is that spelled?
	I-S-A-O, I think?
	Let's see what the acronym is.
	Analysis organization.
	Roll it back a little bit.
	It's funny what he said.
	We got the analysis organization.
	Encouraged the further development of private information sharing.
	Private information sharing.
	P-I-S-A-O-S. But why does he say private information sharing now all of a sudden?
	Why is that different from information sharing?
	I believe it's because of the acronym.
	And analysis organizations, or ISEOs.
	In analysis organization?
	Is that what he's saying?
	ISEOs?
	No, ISEOs would be information sharing analysis organization.
	Ah, gotcha.
	Gotcha.
	Information sharing.
	So they will participate, not just in the private sharing, but in the analysis of the information that is shared.
	Fantastic.
	Well, that way you can blackmail people easier.
	So now he's going to get into the crux a little bit of the issues internally with the infighting, and he comes up with a whopper.
	The Department of Homeland Security has a major law enforcement role in cybersecurity.
	The Secret Service is known for the protection of our nation's leaders.
	The Secret Service is actually a law enforcement agency.
	Now, this is very interesting, because we've looked at the Secret Service, and we know that they originally, as far as I understand, they were founded to go after money counterfeiters.
	Right, exactly.
	They're from the Department of the Treasury.
	Department of Treasury, exactly.
	Well, they now fall under him, apparently.
	Well, maybe they always did.
	Well, they didn't always did before 2002, before these guys were formed.
	Correct, correct.
	They started grabbing up different agencies, like the Coast Guard for some reason.
	Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned that.
	Originally formed by President Lincoln in 1865 to investigate bank crime.
	There you go, bank crime.
	This mission has evolved over the years to include the investigation of cybercrime.
	Oh, that's all we need.
	We need the guys who are whoring around with hookers and doing coke and falling on their face and letting the president be quasi-attacked.
	Yeah, these, yeah!
	Those guys, fantastic.
	In February of this year, the Secret Service was the lead investigative agency responsible for bringing to justice one of America's most wanted cybercriminal suspects, Vladimir Drinkman.
	Vladimir Drinkman.
	This was the guy who was living in the Netherlands, who, by the way, has pleaded not guilty to stealing credit cards.
	It was a very, very sketchy case.
	For Johnson to bring this up is something great the Secret Service did, I think, is a canard.
	Homeland Security Investigations is also involved in hunting down cybercrime.
	The United States Coast Guard is involved in cyber security.
	What else have I got here?
	I got the Coast Guard.
	I got the Coast Guard.
	Bring them into my story.
	What?
	The Coast Guard?
	They are cyber security?
	Yes, sir.
	Yes, sir.
	Well, you know why.
	Under sea pipes, baby.
	Undersea fiber cables!
	Yeah, we'll just stay here for a while.
	We're just going to drop anchor right over this little piece of fiber here.
	...is involved in cybersecurity by working to protect our maritime transportation system, a system that contributes $650 billion annually to the nation's gross domestic product and sustains more than 13 million jobs from cyber-related threats.
	Those are some of the things your government is doing in cybersecurity.
	For you.
	That's right.
	Now, final clip.
	And this is, and I said it earlier, He uses such a douchebag Silicon Valley term here.
	Maybe it's also a banking term.
	I want you to know that when it comes to the government's cybersecurity responsibility, I'm determined to root out any turf battles between government agencies.
	Yeah, because he's in charge.
	He just threw down the gauntlet to the other agencies.
	He's in charge.
	Including the military.
	This is not going to work.
	DIA, NSA, CIA. I'm encouraging my people.
	I'm not going to put up with this bullcrap.
	Within Homeland Security to work in a cooperative and selfless fashion with our interagency partners at the FBI, NSA, Defense, Treasury, Justice, and Commerce.
	Now, finally...
	He has the mandate from his boss.
	Remember, he set it up.
	My boss, the president.
	I have the keys.
	I have the email.
	All the subtle messaging is in there.
	He's doing...
	I have an ask.
	I have an ask.
	Tell me that's not a douchebag Silicon Valley.
	I have an ask?
	Yeah.
	Whoa!
	I've heard this before.
	Yeah, no, I haven't.
	I'm surprised he doesn't go into it.
	What's that list when you have a list?
	When you have a list of things you're supposed to do.
	A to-do list?
	No, it's not a to-do list.
	They use a term in Silicon Valley.
	Action items.
	Ah, action items.
	I have an ask for an action item.
	Action items.
	Yes.
	Now, finally, I have an ask.
	What could it be?
	Any guesses from the gallery, Jean-Claude?
	Yeah, he hasn't asked.
	He wants to know why these geniuses can bust this Vladimir Drinkman, but they've done nothing about the Target hack.
	They've done nothing about the J.P. Morgan banking hack.
	They've done nothing about the Anthem health hack.
	What are they doing for work?
	They're finding some guy who's just, you know, some lone hacker?
	Hey, hey, hey, Social Security, get off that hooker!
	We gotta go check some hacks!
	Yeah.
	Thank you for pointing out those cases.
	Very good.
	I have an ask for your indulgence and your understanding on the subject of encryption.
	The Department of Homeland Security has both the cybersecurity mission and a law enforcement counterterrorism mission.
	Now, let me see.
	When I was first doing some radio back in the 80s, These guys are trying to do this.
	They want to ban encryption.
	Yeah, kind of.
	Well, he hasn't asked.
	The ask is very specific.
	It's very specific.
	Hold on.
	Where are you, Joe?
	Where are you, Joe?
	For the American people.
	We have enforcement efforts.
	I'm sorry?
	Encryption.
	Encryption hurts our law enforcement efforts.
	Why don't we listen to him first and then you can rag on him?
	Because you're just jumping the gun because you're doing the right thing.
	Let's hear him say it first.
	But of course, if he uses the iPod, what kind of analogy could he use to explain how important it is to have the keys to all encryption?
	Law enforcement counterterrorism mission for the American people.
	We have our feet in both camps.
	I therefore believe I have a good perspective.
	Yeah, with your iPod.
	On this issue.
	The current course we are on toward deeper and deeper encryption...
	Deeper and deeper encryption?
	What kind of term is that?
	It's certainly not deeper, but okay, we'll let you slide on that.
	Whatever.
	Are you going to Jim Ben?
	I'm sorry.
	I will never ask again.
	In response to the demands of the marketplace is one that presents real challenges for those in law enforcement and national security.
	Let me be clear.
	I understand the importance of what encryption brings to privacy.
	Okay, let me be clear.
	You have no clue what you're talking about.
	But imagine the problems we would have had if well after the advent of the telephone The warrant authority of the government to investigate crime extended only to the US mail.
	Our inability to access encrypted information poses public safety challenges.
	In fact, encryption is making it harder for your government to find criminal activity.
	We in government know that a solution to this dilemma Must take full account of the privacy rights and expectations of the American public.
	Full account.
	Full account.
	The state of the technology and the cybersecurity of American businesses.
	We need your help to find a solution.
	Don't be a fucking douche!
	Oh, sorry.
	Where did that come from?
	Someone in the audience got really mad.
	Apparently.
	So there you have it.
	I didn't clip that.
	In hindsight, I should have.
	He said he's also looking for an all-star to lead the team.
	He's on a recruiting mission.
	He wanted an all-star from Silicon Valley.
	Let's put it that way.
	An all-star.
	Let's be Frank.
	Frank.
	Let's be Frank.
	My name is now Frank.
	He's not going to get one.
	And just on the heels of this...
	Well, he actually will get someone.
	And they're going to call him an all-star, but it'll be a schlub.
	He should get Phil Zimmerman.
	You know, this guy, this guy, he's clueless.
	Yes.
	But you can see what is going on.
	This is a money grab.
	And also, the law enforcement, especially at the federal level, would love it if there was no encryption and if it was illegal.
	Yeah.
	Because then they could just tap everything.
	And they could sit back in their desks and eat donuts and not have to really go out and do any field work.
	Yeah.
	Then they're going to come up with this.
	Okay, we have another problem.
	We have criminals whispering to each other.
	We can't intercept these messages that they're talking to each other because they're whispering.
	We need to do ear implants so we can hear all the whispering going on in the country.
	Because that's what all encryption amounts to.
	It amounts to whispering.
	Ooh, I like that.
	Encryption is whispering.
	Beards are push-up bras.
	This show is just...
	We're rolling.
	We are off to a good start.
	So the money grab has already started.
	And there was a hearing on the Hill, as we call it here in Texas.
	The reason why I stopped and watched her testimony was twofold.
	One, she's asking for money for an entire new State Department system.
	She is an assistant deputy State Department goomba.
	But her name, the Honorable Heather Higginbottom, it doesn't get much better than that.
	I know Higginbottom.
	Heather?
	I don't know if it's Heather.
	I know Higginbottom.
	She is the Honorable Heather Higginbottom.
	Would you comment on this IT independence issue and also right of first refusal as well as this potential breach?
	Sounds like a book guy doing a deal.
	Well, that's a senator.
	Higginbottom's about to talk.
	And so this is about, they want IT independence, they want their own system, new system, and of course this has to be because of this breach issue.
	Yes, thank you Senator, and I've enjoyed our conversations, look forward to continuing them.
	No, suck his dick more, will ya?
	I meet, as you know, with the IG every week.
	We discuss issues like the ones you just raised.
	We worked through the issue of trying to get an MOU so that there was notification of any entry onto the system.
	Just recently, the IG has brought to my attention, as well as to the secretaries, the request for a separate IT system.
	We're looking at that very carefully.
	We're seeking to understand how it would work.
	They need to have, as he testified yesterday, some access to the systems they currently have.
	The architecture, we have to make sure our system is as secure as it possibly can be, given we are attacked every day, thousands of times a day.
	Thousands of times a day, attacked, attacked, attacked, attacked.
	You mean like a DDoS or port probing or something?
	No, it won't even be DDoS, it'll be port probing.
	Yeah, but even that is...
	Some little worms out there bouncing around saying, can I get in here?
	Can I... Nah, I guess not.
	Yeah, but she's translating that to the representatives of the American public as an attack.
	China, North Korea, the Russians.
	So we have to work...
	Those are difficult issues, but we're looking at that now and examining it.
	It's also important we understand the cost.
	Yeah, how much more we can get.
	I'm sorry to interrupt.
	Have you actually had a breach that you can talk about?
	I can tell you, Senator, that we have been breached.
	This has been reported.
	Any further details of that, we'd be happy to have in a different setting.
	All right.
	I would like anyone who has access to the State Department, maybe Matt, although he's not going to do it, Matt Lee.
	Someone has to...
	So we have glitch.
	We've already all...
	We all bend over.
	Oh, it's just a glitch.
	Just go ahead.
	But now there's a breach.
	Breach!
	I'd like to know what it was.
	What was the nature of the breach?
	What constitutes a breach?
	Does it mean they got into something?
	Horrible.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So you understand what I'm saying?
	Reporting is so irrelevant in today's world.
	No, it's ridiculous.
	There's no reporting whatsoever.
	This is all nonsense.
	Yeah.
	And nobody's calling anybody on anything.
	Oh, well, you have to have a special meeting.
	Oh, it's confidential.
	Because if we let anyone know what to breach, they're going to do it again.
	It's going to give more people ideas.
	There's lots of reasons to go secret.
	And why is, when a child is born upside down, why is that called breach?
	Or when a child is not born upside down, I should say.
	Yeah, well, this whole thing is upside down.
	Well, there's your answer.
	And with that, I'd like to thank you for your courage to say in the morning to you, John C., where the C stands for cybersecurity!
	Dvorak!
	In the morning to you, Adam Curry.
	In the morning, all ships and sea, boots on the ground, feet in the air, subs in the water, and all the dames and the knights out there.
	In the morning to everyone in the chat room.
	They've loved this little bit.
	There's some good jokes going on.
	Oh, they're chatting away.
	Noagendastream.com, where you can also listen to the live stream every Thursday and Sunday in the morning.
	And in the morning to our artists, Tice Browers from the Lowlands came back.
	Tice always makes this beautiful, I mean, just really beautiful artwork.
	It's all original.
	And 7.15, of course, the title of 7.15, what was...
	I don't even remember Sunday's show, apparently.
	We don't remember much.
	We're getting old.
	No, don't say this.
	It was Gay Siri, yes.
	Gay Siri, a great title.
	What?
	What should that be?
	He had the NBCIA news truck with the Yeah No Agenda banner, which was a double whammy.
	Loved it.
	Love the great piece of art, Tice.
	And of course, you can always see all the fabulous art that our artistes make at noagendaartgenerator.com.
	And we thank them and always credit them appropriately for their work.
	Yes, we do.
	And we do have to...
	There's ground rules, certain things.
	The typeface has to be readable, a smaller size.
	Also, there has to be...
	If it's stolen, it has to be legally derivative, which is...
	If you're an artist, you know what that means.
	But just ripping stuff off...
	No, it's not okay.
	Straight up is not good.
	And we've had some people do that.
	Oh, look, guys, this is funny.
	They had to make a good...
	Album cover.
	And the best stuff is creative.
	It's got layers of...
	It's dimensional.
	It's got funny stuff throughout.
	Well, let's thank a few people who are the executive producers, associate executive producers for show 716.
	715 is where I'm at.
	Well, I'm done 716, but I'll call it 715 just to make you feel...
	I thought I was from the future.
	Ted, uh...
	Eric, I think, is there?
	Eric.
	I would say Eric.
	Eric.
	Eric in Vancouver, Washington.
	5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
	That's a new one.
	I like it.
	I like it a lot.
	Credit is Ted Eric from Vancouver, Washington.
	I'm sorry to say that I'm not listening to No Agenda Show at the moment.
	What?
	Even though it is the best podcast in the universe, I stopped paying attention to the news a long time ago and recently stopped listening to podcasts.
	Okay, well, we need more donors like you.
	Just because there was way too much noise.
	He uses no bandwidth.
	Too much noise bouncing around my head.
	The no agenda mission is to find the signal in the noise and point out how we're being manipulated by news and pop culture, which are basically the same thing.
	By absorbing yourselves in this media poison, you two truly show yourselves as heroes, just like the rescue workers at Fukushima.
	It's a shame when people skip the donation segment because it's the heart of the show.
	The heart of the show is the group of people who rely on U2 as the singular voice of media criticism, accountable to no one.
	Yes.
	Accountable to no one.
	Well, we are.
	Accountable to the producers.
	Well, we're accountable to the producers, listeners, and the audience.
	You remind us that we're not crazy.
	I trust you to, even when you're wrong.
	Community is everything holding society together.
	This donation should put me at knighthood, so I would like to be knighted as Sir Theodore of the present moment.
	Nice.
	And then he has a couple of side notes for us.
	So he's not really a man overboard.
	No, this is different.
	What would this be called?
	Asleep at the wheel.
	He's not at the wheel, though.
	Asleep at the helm.
	He's contributing to the future of the show.
	He's helping the show and the people who...
	Let me see.
	Who...
	But he's not listening, he says.
	But he'll listen to this episode.
	I'm sure he will.
	Thank you very much.
	Soon-to-be Sir Theodore of the present moment.
	I like them equating us with the Fukushima workers.
	Because we're going into the death where he could be swept away.
	Yeah.
	By the bull crap.
	Yep.
	And, you know, but somehow I think because there's two of us holding on for dear life.
	Yeah, we compensate.
	Yeah, but when I slip in the water, you pull me out.
	Yeah, I say, what are you doing in there?
	You know, I don't have time for pulling.
	But sometimes you're mean and you push my head under a little extra water.
	I do that, but that's just a joke.
	Yeah.
	Onward to Tim Nutting in Everett, Washington.
	Just the two of us.
	31428.
	I tried to send a donation a while ago, so total boner here.
	I've been listening for a while, but finally have the ability to share some of my own financial gains with the best podcast in the universe.
	I'd like to request a dedouching after my buddy Dean tagged me several months back.
	Hmm.
	D-douching?
	We do it as a part of the whole segment, don't we?
	I can do it.
	Let's do it now.
	It's fine.
	You've been D-douched.
	That's fine.
	He's D-douched.
	I like the douchebag call out.
	No, we don't.
	But okay.
	Yeah, no.
	Oh, yeah.
	I like it in the middle better.
	Whatever the case.
	Whatever the case, as far as clips, all I really need is that Bomb Them anthem.
	I needed that for a ringtone.
	If Adam feels like adding one or two more, that's at his discretion and left to his creative.
	Thanks for leaving me out of this formula, by the way.
	Keep up the excellent work you guys are needed, and I will continue contributing as able.
	Bomb them.
	We need to kill and bomb them.
	Bomb them.
	We need to kill and bomb them.
	Bomb them.
	We need to bomb them.
	We need to kill them and bomb them again.
	I'm shocked, shocked to find memes colliding in here.
	You've got karma.
	David Fugazotto in Parts Unknown.
	He's floating around.
	He's burning the military.
	31415.
	ITM Gen.
	Some more value for value.
	And another Fletcherfest donation.
	This time for my lovely wife, Melody.
	John, I of course had to agree with you when you said in show 713 that women named Melody are always attractive.
	As mine is super gorgeous.
	And all women named Melody should also have a custom ringtone that yells, Melody!
	Fugazotto!
	Every time that person who loves them calls.
	My Melody, not the trademarked one, actually mine, has been setting up a social media manager marketing business over the past year, so in addition to the Fletcher shout, I'd like to have some jobs karma for her and travel karma for me, as the next three weeks will be completely on the road for four different countries, shooting a wedding in Spain, followed by a work trip to Kiev, That's interesting.
	Oh, okay.
	Communion in Belgium and more work back in the old Deutschland.
	Finally, if you could, he's in Germany apparently, he's a photographer.
	Finally, if you could, please play the vocal fry mashup you did a couple of shows ago.
	That one made me crash, and it had been played at the Podcast Awards.
	I'm not sure which one he's talking about.
	No, it says if it was played at the Podcast Awards, it would have definitely netted you the Comedy Podcast Awards.
	No, it wouldn't.
	No, nothing will.
	Nothing at all.
	I've got a couple things for you then.
	In the morning, this is Sir Jeff Smith saying, say no to Vocal Fry.
	The more you know, in the morning.
	Goal Fry. Jobs, jobs, jobs, and jobs.
	Let's vote for jobs!
	You've got karma.
	I think we're the only pod show or media outlet, period, that really is on this vocal fry thing.
	Yeah, now everyone will start doing it.
	I don't know.
	Sometimes they jump on, sometimes they don't.
	Trevor Mudge in Ann Arbor, Michigan, 31415.
	He sent an email in, and I didn't realize it was for today's show.
	Oh, I may have it.
	Let me see.
	I recall something coming through the transom.
	Yeah.
	On the telex.
	Yeah, I came over on the telex.
	Trevor Mudge, donation, here it is.
	Oh, yes, because you wanted to use his name.
	I have screwed up my donation.
	Denotation to support your wonderful podcast.
	You may get a donation of 31415.
	I'm behind on episodes.
	This reflects Pi Day.
	Yeah, right.
	I sent him back.
	You know, you could get a call out.
	You may also get 31415 from a credit card, and he goes on.
	Okay.
	He doesn't really have anything to tell us.
	He just says, keep up the great work.
	No, but you said you wanted to use that name for something?
	Yeah, a novel.
	Yeah, and he said, you can use my name only if...
	Yeah, if I get the girl.
	One, if he's the hero.
	And I'm a hero.
	Two, if he gets the girl, and if he is three, portrayed as good-looking, which apparently he's not.
	So I decided to drop him and use Bob Mudge.
	Wow.
	Well, maybe Trevor can make a guest appearance somehow.
	Morgan Corkill in Coogee, New South Wales, 31415.
	Now, this is one, again, blank, which means I have to look.
	It's...
	Morgan Corkill?
	Corkill.
	Hmm.
	I don't see anything...
	No.
	I just got the notification from PayPal.
	So if you have something to say, let us know.
	Or if you have the call-out that you want, it obviously wants a Fletcher call-out.
	It probably came in under some email that doesn't say Cork Hill.
	Tom Byrne in Wellington, New Zealand.
	He's an associate executive producer at 24432.
	Hi, John and Adam.
	Sorry for being a dick.
	Thanks for teaching me not to take myself too seriously.
	Okay.
	I'm going to give him some karma for that.
	Anyone who does that deserves karma.
	You've got karma.
	And there we have Barry Sutton who also came in with no extra note.
	Make sure.
	No?
	Alright, Barry Sutton in steep step aside.
	Step aside?
	You're kidding me.
	There was a town or a district in Dublin, Ireland, called Stepaside.
	I guess.
	I have a donation note from Barry.
	It must be where the British live.
	Donation note from Barry.
	Adam and John hit my wife in the mouth a couple of months ago.
	I'm now divorced.
	No.
	She's become increasingly insistent that I am a douchebag for not donating ever.
	Oh, yes, please de-douche me.
	Absolutely.
	You've been de-douched.
	It was not so much her whining, but you...
	But your last newsletter from the 18th that hit home and made me realize I should start supporting TVPITU. Thanks for all you do.
	And he says, can I get a...
	You slaves can get used to mac and cheese and a jobs, jobs...
	He says it's Hillary, but it's not Hillary.
	It is Feinstein.
	No, no, no.
	The jobs, jobs, jobs?
	Oh, Pelosi.
	I'm sorry.
	You're right.
	So we need the mac and cheese...
	What is the regular mac and cheese one?
	That's funny.
	I have the mac and cheese jingle, but I know what he wants.
	He wants the one...
	So you can get slaves who need mac and cheese.
	Yeah.
	You lost it in the background.
	Well, I don't know...
	You lost it?
	Well, this is what's...
	So I have this new system, which seems to be working just fine.
	Except when needed.
	Well, I believe that the Mac Spotlight system gives precedence to tags within the file and not the file name.
	Oh, that's not right.
	In fact, it's quite wrong.
	Well, that means you've got to do a better job of tagging.
	So you've got to go back and take those 10,000 clips we have and tag them appropriately by listening to each individual one over again.
	Oh, that would really suck.
	I think so.
	Get an intern.
	That's what I need.
	An intern who can text me.
	Ooh, that'll be fun.
	Mac and Cheese by Ayn Rand.
	Jobs, jobs, jobs, and jobs.
	Let's vote for jobs!
	I realize that was the wrong one, but now I have to find out where it went.
	Yeah, you'll find it.
	Of course I will.
	That's a good one anyway.
	I like that one.
	Sir James Howard in Indianapolis, Indiana, 22222, Free Range Children segment from the last show totally blew my mind.
	Those CPS jerks really have their heads up their asses.
	They don't see that the children were kidnapped by the police.
	What utter a-holes.
	Okay, got that out of it.
	Yeah.
	Philip Smith in Oslo, Norway.
	$200.
	He sent a note in I did find.
	Please accept my donation to the BPITU. Sadly, the crumbling Norwegian Krona limits my donation capacity as a mere $200 cost me over 1,600 NOKs.
	The latest...
	This newsletter spurred me into action as the thought of losing you guys from my commute is too awful to consider.
	Use guys.
	A donation towards my amazing wife becoming a dame and being EP for the next show.
	She already has a name made for damehood as she is Danish, but with a French surname.
	So here's my donation on behalf of Sarah Dornanville de la Cour.
	Dornanville de la Cour.
	Dame Dornanville de la Cour.
	Please send karma for my darling wife, as she deserves all the support in the world.
	She is married to me.
	Love the show.
	Ah, so nice.
	Here we go, Dane.
	Or future Dane.
	You've got karma.
	And this is Black Knight Sir Philip Smith, Lord of the Northern Lands, Black Baronet of Oslo, to be precise.
	Yes.
	Now we have...
	Dowie and Della from Martin's Dick.
	Dowie and Della from Martin's Dijk.
	Yeah, Martin's Dijk.
	Martin's Dijk.
	Not Martin's Dick, Dijk.
	Which means it was the Dijk there.
	$200.
	Hang in there.
	Too bad most people in the Netherlands worry more about their next vacation than what they hear on TV or radio.
	Keep me informed.
	We'll do so, sir.
	And then finally, Sir Mike Schumacher of Baronet of Lake County, $200.
	He actually gave us donation at the Twit 10th anniversary.
	Oh, nice.
	Direct donation with no notice.
	You guys do great work and keep it up.
	Did Leo see that?
	No, of course not.
	That would have been funny.
	Hey man, someone just gave me money right here, Leo.
	We get money from our producers who are the people you...
	Well, anyway, I'm not going to say anymore.
	We already talked too much about it.
	Anyway, that's a group of producers and executive producers for show 715.
	I want to thank them all and remind people that we do have a show coming up on Sunday, a short week.
	It looks like their donations have finally fallen off from a couple newsletters ago.
	So go to Dvorak.org.org.org.org slash N-A.
	Dvorak.org slash N-A.
	Become a producer.
	It's going to be a shoe and it's going to be easy.
	Easy peasy pudding and pie.
	Thank you all so much.
	These are real credits, which means if you're an associate executive producer or an executive producer, that can be put anywhere on a piece of paper where credits would be expected or are accepted.
	And of course, we always need everybody to go out there and do the fine work of propagating the formula.
	The formula is this.
	We go out, we hit people in the mouth.
	We go out, we hit people in the mouth.
	Water!
	Water!
	Shut up, slave!
	Shut up, slave!
	Since we're still at the beginning of the show, John, I know you're chomping at the bit to do some stuff.
	I need to do something very important.
	You know I am certainly no one who shies away.
	I'm not one to shy away from a good theory that could be considered conspiratorial in nature.
	I uphold many, and sometimes they turn out to be right.
	And people therefore call me the crackpot.
	Now looking across the board...
	These Walmart closings in the alternative news sector have been hailed as Jade Helm 15!
	Well, the J.D. Halen 15 is the event that is supposed to occur and may involve Walmart, or Walmart's going to be part of this scheme.
	This is the biggest load of crap.
	By the way, we have a number...
	I don't have any of these letters in front of me.
	I'm going to read one right now.
	We have a lot of people that apparently are in managerial positions or...
	I'll do you one better.
	I'll do you one better.
	...at Walmart to give us the inside scoop on this thing.
	And by the way, it falls right into my thesis, so hit it.
	Not entirely.
	But the Walmart closings are...
	Seriously, unfortunately, I would love nothing more than tunnels underneath and FEMA distribution centers.
	By the way, that is true.
	Walmart does have a deal with DHS that in an emergency they become a food and medical distribution center.
	They got lots of food there, of course.
	That's true.
	I saw videos...
	Oh, someone snuck in, and it's crazy!
	You won't believe what you'll see on the inside of the closed Walmart!
	Empty shelves!
	So, you know, the one in Texas still has the pharmacy open, so you can go around the back.
	I kid you not.
	You go around the back, and you can go into a back door.
	Oh, we snuck in the back door, and we took some secret cell phone footage, and there's empty shelves!
	What do they expect?
	A bunch of rotting food left there?
	We have a dude named Ben very high in the Walmart IT organization.
	Who I've been in contact with for the past number of days.
	He has sent me information that could incriminate him even if I... Let's put it this way.
	He is identifiable with information that he gave me.
	So I will give you the information that...
	And he showed me I feel valid proof.
	You're just going to have to take my word for it.
	First of all, Walmart is kind of in trouble.
	And I think that we identified this on the previous show, that they were already asked to...
	Wall Street was saying, hey, they should probably close 100 stores, a number of things need to be done.
	But more importantly, they have a new CEO, the old CEO left to go to...
	What's the big hedge fund, the Bush thing there in D.C.? There's a lot of them.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	Yes, you do.
	Well, okay, but I don't remember.
	That's true.
	So there's a new CEO, and the organization is in shambles, and things are not happening the way they should.
	Turns out, the plumbing they were talking about was fiber and network plumbing.
	Now, they may be doing some actual plumbing, but these stores are...
	I've seen evidence in the form of what I believe to be authentic communications...
	These stores are undergoing a remodel.
	Historically, it's about six months for the remodel, and plumbing probably is more with the fiber.
	So they close the stores, and the IT guys are freaking out because they haven't even pulled the fiber yet between the disparate locations or wherever the fiber has to come from.
	So what we'll see, and this is his, he says, okay, here's what's going to happen next.
	You'll see a store planner will be a side-on-site.
	They're going to start working on the remodel.
	He says they actually start doing a very good job of these remodels.
	And why they do this surprise move is partially because the organization is not running as smoothly as it should be.
	But also, it's a good way to get rid of the dead weight, because they'll be hiring back people in six months.
	And the same people who were there Previously, we'll be able to be rehired, maybe at the new $15 rate, but we don't know.
	But it certainly will enable them to not hire people they didn't want back.
	So as much as I would love to be all on board with the crazy shells being a sign of Jade Helm 15 underground tunnels to the FEMA camps, we're all going to die.
	It's just a PR botch from Walmart, and they're just remodeling in six months.
	These will be open again.
	Take that, Corbett.
	Well, I don't know why you'd mention him.
	Because he's all in on this crap.
	Well, so is your buddy and...
	Seed man.
	Seed man, yeah.
	Seed guy.
	A lot of people are all in on it.
	I was looking around and they're doing it from YouTube videos showing empty shelves.
	It's real!
	If you're doing a remodel, that would make sense that you'd have empty shelves, I'd say.
	Yes.
	So sometimes the best podcast in the universe just has to give you what truly seems to be Occam's Razor initially.
	But more importantly, I think what's interesting is that Walmart botched this and maybe they love the whole alternative theory so they can get their ducks in a row while everyone else is running around.
	It's a distraction of the week for them.
	Yes, exactly.
	Running around talking about Jade Helm.
	They must love that.
	I'm sure some do and some don't.
	Well, I don't know.
	I would think that the PR people...
	It's going to take place big, big.
	It's going to be big.
	We're all going to be swept.
	We're going to be all imprisoned.
	Unfortunately...
	Tunnels are everywhere.
	The distraction of the week on no agenda over there.
	Sorry.
	you All right, well, I'm glad you did that.
	Here we go.
	Let's get a couple miscellaneous stories out of the way.
	How about the Gazprom gouging story?
	Yes, this is great.
	I'm so happy.
	I actually have maybe a longer clip direct from the horse's mouth.
	We'll listen to your setup here.
	The European Union accused Russia's state-owned energy giant today of price gouging and monopoly practices.
	It was the latest sign of rising tensions between the EU and Moscow.
	The EU's competition commissioner, charged Gazprom, is using its dominant position to strong-arm countries in Eastern and Central Europe.
	Gazprom has been able to charge higher prices in some countries without fearing that gas would flow in from other countries, from resellers, or where the prices were lower.
	What we have seen then in our data is that Gazprom has been charging what we think of as unfairly high prices.
	Gazprom dismissed the accusations as unfounded.
	I love...
	So, that was Democracy Now!
	A very well-funded news organization.
	No, no, no, that's PBS. PBS NewsHour, a very well-funded news group, who left out the most important part of the story, which is what this is really about.
	PBS would be inclined to do that.
	Let's listen to...
	It'll be a quick repeat of what you just heard.
	It's Margrethe Verstacher.
	She is the European Union's Commissioner for Competition.
	Right.
	And this is about one of my favorite topics.
	Second decision today was the adoption of a statement of objection against some gas from activities.
	Right.
	And what we say in the statement of objection is that our preliminary view alleges that Gazprom is abusing this dominant position.
	Gazprom has been able to charge higher prices in some countries without fearing that gas would flow in from other countries, from resellers or where the prices were lower.
	Now, before I continue, because now we're getting into the piece that the PBS NewsHour did not play for you, which is the real news, please go get a map and just bring up Ukraine and zoom out two clicks.
	What we have seen then in our data is that Gazprom has been charging what we think of as unfairly high prices in five different countries.
	Poland and Bulgaria.
	Gazprom has used its dominance in supply of gas to obtain unrelated commitments from customers concerning the gas infrastructure.
	In particular, evidence of this conduct is found in Poland concerning the Yamal pipeline and in Bulgaria concerning the South Street.
	Please go look at the Yamal pipeline.
	You can spell it with a Y, you can spell it with a J. This is the alternative route.
	So we have three routes.
	We have one, the Nord Stream goes to Germany, which Germany can't put economic sanctions on itself.
	So no, we have the Ukrainian pipelines and then the Yamal pipeline, which goes through Belarus and through Poland.
	They want to cock-block Russia everywhere.
	So now they're pulling out the, oh, they're anti-competitive because they use their power to get countries to participate in, which I might add, very profitable infrastructure, gas transit infrastructure,
	so much so that Putin has now said, if Greece signs onto the Turkish pipeline, I will let them borrow any amount of money they need against their transit fees, which are hundreds of millions of euros annually.
	This shows you how pathetic the anti-competitive commission is in the EU. This is why they...
	And by the way, they don't just do it to the Russians, they do it to Americans.
	Oh yeah, no, they're always gouging us.
	And the pipeline literally goes through Belarus to Poland.
	Oh, unfair competition.
	So now, what is Poland going to do?
	Poland should say, hey, F you.
	We're making some good money here with these transit fees.
	Belarus, same deal.
	And they get to take some of the gas.
	So I guess it was too tiring to go in and create a war in Belarus.
	You know, to have another regime change.
	That's what this is about.
	And I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you, that the NewsHour didn't even mention that.
	Well, they did mention, in their defense, they mentioned everything until the very end of it when they started talking about the pipeline.
	That's what it's about.
	Yeah, well, that's what it's always about.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	You're the one that came up with the original thesis.
	It's not like a shocker.
	It's a shocker when...
	It's about the pipelines.
	It's a shocker when no one in the real news says it.
	It's a shocker that nobody calls these guys out.
	They do on RT. Who cares?
	Whatever they do on RT, nobody listens.
	There was another thwarted attack, a terrorist attack, ISIS, ISIL, IS group attack in Paris.
	And ABC News set the stage with the language.
	This was a close call.
	A very close call.
	No it wasn't.
	No one was on the street with a bomb or a gun, but okay, close call.
	Police on Sunday in Paris arresting a 24-year-old computer science student from Algeria.
	He was in possession of an arsenal, they say, of heavy weapons and was planning to carry out an imminent attack on churches.
	He was all...
	He's already on a terrorist watch list because he wanted to go to Syria, which is, as you know, ground zero for violent jihad.
	Right now, officials are saying they have detained one woman for questioning, but they are not saying yay or nay on whether there are more What we do know is that France and right across Europe, including London, is essentially fighting off the virus of Islamic violent extremism that is settling into the neighborhoods here, into the young people, and some of them taking a violent revenge on their own societies.
	It's a virus, John.
	It's a virus.
	It's everywhere.
	Dramatization, I would say.
	I picked up on an interesting kind of a sub-thesis.
	I ran into that.
	A number of my clips have the secondary meanings.
	There is a story about a hero cop.
	Ah, thank goodness.
	This hero cop, and here we go, this is the story, the hero, because he did not, some guy's a murderer, coming at him, and the hero cop, and he was called a hero for not shooting the guy, because every other news story currently is about some cop, and by the way, these shootings have been going on for years, but they're all over the news now, and I think I know the reason why, based on a letter that we got, and also this story, this story triggered it.
	An officer in Ohio is being praised for restraint tonight in a life or death situation.
	Last Thursday in New Richmond, Officer Jesse Kidder held his fire as a suspect charged at him.
	Have a look at what his body camera showed.
	No, man!
	Not gonna do it!
	Shoot me!
	Kidder backpedaled until backup could arrive.
	The suspect, wanted in connection with two murders, was apprehended.
	No one hurt.
	Alright.
	And so, good news.
	It happens.
	The good news is this whole thing, all these, it started, somebody got the wise idea right after Ferguson, and that's why every news day is somebody got shot by the cops.
	And the back story is, and this is confirmed by this particular story, we need body cams on all the cops.
	This is the body cam companies pushing this stuff.
	No, it's only one.
	It's one company.
	It's the Taser company.
	One company's got a big public relations operation going, and this story, oh, he had a body cam, and we can watch now.
	Somebody sent us a note with great detail about the current crop of these cameras.
	They're too expensive.
	Do you have the note there?
	Do you have the note in front of you?
	No, I don't.
	This was from Dayton.
	I should have talked about this two weeks ago.
	They're too expensive.
	They use the cloud.
	The company is overcharging for the entire operation.
	I am predicting that GoPro is going to use this to bolster their stock, because if they could set up a system, because they've got the brand name, and they've got some new competition that's going to hurt them big time in their public company, GoPro is going to come up with some camera operation and they will have the same thing where you have a Wi-Fi connection.
	It talks to the car.
	The car talks to the cloud.
	The stuff is saved somehow.
	And there's also, you know, software you can get for just, you know, your own phone to do this.
	Take a movie.
	It goes to the cloud instantly.
	Right now, there's these stories are promoting.
	Everything is about promoting body cameras, body cams.
	And this story confirmed it.
	And as you know, I'm not a big fan of it.
	I don't know that.
	We had a very long discussion about it when it first came up in Ferguson.
	And I said, I'm not a big fan of the body cameras.
	I'm not.
	Reiterate.
	I believe it will...
	I believe it will hamper law enforcement.
	Of course, there's bad cops.
	There's good cops.
	I like having cops around.
	I like the fact that I'm armed too.
	So I'm okay.
	You can have a body cam all you want, but I believe it will hamper law enforcement.
	I was thinking last night, as I was watching some of this too, you recall the show Cops.
	This is just funny to think about it.
	Oh, this is cops.
	It's raw.
	This was early 90s, I think, wasn't it?
	The cop show?
	I think it may still be produced.
	It may still be on, yeah.
	And everything was up.
	And the cops were great, and they were kind, and they took care of everybody.
	Yeah, bad boys, bad boys, exactly.
	So that was, clearly that must have all been fake.
	There are no good cops because we don't see that anymore.
	I think the body cams will hamper police work.
	And because you have to think so...
	Oh my God, I'm raising my weapon or whatever.
	Whatever decision is being made, I don't know if it's necessarily good.
	I'm just not a big fan of the whole idea.
	I don't like it.
	I think the car cameras are...
	I like that.
	Although I don't even know if there's been many convictions based upon car camera video.
	In general, first person video does not necessarily give you the facts of what is taking place.
	Any video does not necessarily give you the full experience of being somewhere when something takes place.
	I'm just not a big fan of it.
	I like cops.
	I don't like cops that kill people, but I'm not against cops.
	Not all cops are shit.
	Well, that's obvious, but I think there's a concerted effort going on at a public relations campaign to emphasize these shootings and to DM. Now, here's a cop that had the body cam, according to this story.
	Now he's a hero.
	And that was too much for me.
	That's why I could have brought this up.
	But you're right, and it's the Taser Corporation, and they are incredibly expensive, their product.
	And I remember us looking at the Taser Corporation and calling this as...
	You know, the company that would win, and there they are.
	Because they already have the tasers.
	I believe they make the tasers, too.
	Well, that one makes logical sense.
	Do you know what...
	Someone told me what the acronym taser stood for.
	I think it was Tom...
	Tom A. Swift electronic rifle.
	Like from the Tom Swift books.
	I think.
	Tom A. Swift.
	I don't know he had a middle initial.
	Well, he does in my acronym.
	Good call.
	I agree.
	And that was on what news outfit got duped for this?
	CBS. National.
	CBS Evening News.
	Makes nothing but sense.
	Played right into it.
	Yeah.
	Morons.
	How many years has President Obama been married to Michelle Obama?
	I don't know.
	Do you think that's in the wiki somewhere?
	Yeah.
	I would think it's on...
	Have you ever seen wedding pictures?
	What are you getting at?
	What's your question?
	How long have you been with Barack Obama?
	We've been married?
	20-something years.
	Wait, somebody, you guys know the date?
	When was it?
	It's been over a decade.
	It's been a while.
	20 years is not a decade.
	I thought that was rather strange.
	Yeah, I did too.
	I'm sorry, I forgot how long I've been married to my husband.
	Believe me.
	Over a decade.
	20 years.
	I don't know.
	It's not wrong.
	Somebody here must know.
	It's not wrong.
	Anybody know?
	Hey, kids!
	It must be Common Core.
	Well, here's another little subtle message.
	Like the other one is kind of like, well, it looks like the story looks like one thing, but then it's about something else.
	And this is more of a stretch than the one about the body cameras.
	But this is this clip.
	Students in Ohio are stupid.
	Test.
	Prove they were ready.
	Fourth grade teacher Maria Cleveland.
	How many of your kids are actually reading at a fourth grade level?
	Probably 50%.
	The reality is that kids are all over the place.
	They just aren't ready for some of the things.
	I mean, you know, kids don't know how to sound out words.
	They're working on some phonics skills that they never received.
	It's an eye-opener.
	And yet, all of them passed Ohio's reading test.
	And that could be the bigger problem.
	They get to take it multiple times, the same test.
	They get to take it in the fall.
	If they don't pass it, they take it again in the spring.
	If they don't pass it, they take it again in the summer.
	And now they've thrown in a new test.
	And how high was the bar?
	Turns out the score for promotion, advancing to fourth grade, was set below the mark that defines a proficient reader.
	They're different scores, and here's why.
	This is a very, very hard policy.
	Parents don't want their kids retained.
	Schools don't want to retain them.
	It's expensive to retain them.
	$10,000 a year.
	If we had set those at the exact same level, at that proficient level, which is of course where we want kids to be, this policy would have been dead within a year.
	I don't think that that little window of promotable versus proficient is really anything to discuss because it's too close.
	It's like three questions.
	To hiss it, the lower pass score is a good thing because it gives students a cushion, which makes sense, she says, when the test is high stakes.
	It's an isolated day.
	Who knows what happened the night before?
	Who knows if they had sleep?
	Who knows if they even ate dinner?
	So yes, if they've got the basic skills and they can at least get it close, it's that little shadow of a doubt, that's fine with me.
	But a big shadow of doubt still hangs over Ohio's 96% pass rate.
	A close look at test documents reveals more on just how low the bar was set.
	Ohio will promote third graders, even if they lag behind 85% of their peers nationwide.
	Aren't you just setting those kids up for failure?
	No, I think they're getting help because we have focused this attention on reading and the teachers are aware.
	That to me, now this is just my opinion, that to me would be a state issue, wanting to make it look like, you know, the kids are doing better.
	Well, you know, if they want to take that attitude, fine.
	But what we're trying to do here is so terribly important.
	It's important that we do it right and not try to do it all at once.
	Alright.
	So, now, of course, if you were in Georgia, you'd be in jail for some of this.
	But you also pointed out, I think it was a month or two ago, about how these Common Core testing and all the rest of it has been.
	Actually, the bar is lower than it was before for the purposes of letting everybody pass.
	But this, to me, this piece, which is on the NewsHour, I look at it as a hit piece aimed directly at Governor John Kasich, who is a Republican hopeful and who has high qualification skills to get to presidency.
	And this is a preliminary strike.
	Let's get this guy out of the way right away.
	Make him look like he's the governor.
	They're trying to scam the system.
	He's a scammer.
	He's a crook.
	That's the way I kind of over-interpreted what was really going on here, because this story was a mountain out of a molehill story that they just kept going.
	They kept making, there was a lot of implications, like, oh yeah, you're going to let somebody, the 85% of the rest of the country is smarter than you.
	And it's like, it's implying that Ohioans are dumb.
	And they run, and they got a dumb governor.
	Well, along the lines of Common Core, and specifically Pearson, who are the publishers of all things Common Core, they also do the STAR, S-T-A-A-R, which is the State of Texas Assessment of Academic Readiness Testing.
	That took place earlier this week.
	And, well, they couldn't do it because there was a glitch.
	A glitch.
	Not a glitch!
	Yeah, so here's the reporting from the Statesman.
	This is, I would say, a very important newspaper in the state of Texas.
	Several school districts in Central Texas reported problems with online star testing.
	Let's see.
	They could not log in for about 35 minutes, and then they would be answering a question, and then it would pop out that have to log in again, losing their answer.
	Software glitch.
	Good reporting, everybody.
	How about finding...
	They don't even mention Pearson in this.
	Which is baffling.
	However, in California, California, the Los Angeles School District has canceled the iPad Pearson curriculum.
	Good.
	$1.3 billion education initiative that would have seen all students in the Los Angeles School District outfitted with an iPad.
	Hello, Tim Cook.
	The Los Angeles Unified School District has notified Apple it will no longer be using or paying for the Pearson education curriculum that was meant to accompany the iPads in a letter sent to Apple, shared in part by the Los Angeles Times.
	LAUSD asked for a refund, said it has no plans to accept or compensate Apple for new deliveries.
	And as you were aware, we're extremely dissatisfied with the work of Pearson.
	While Apple and Pearson promised a state-of-the-art technological solution they have yet to deliver, despite demands to fix the problem, the vast majority of our students are in the same way.
	Well, this is going to be fun to watch, at least at the corporate level between Pearson and Apple.
	Oops, I'm sorry.
	What?
	You have to eat the iPads.
	This is the scam that bothers me the most.
	It's the educational scam that Common Core represents.
	And people like the Gates Foundation and all these other guys.
	I don't know why it takes so long to figure out that whatever Bill Gates is ever going to do, it's going to involve selling weed-nosed machines.
	But it's also going to be great.
	It's going to be genius.
	And it's always going to be spot on.
	Let's talk some more about Common Core.
	Actually, there was something else funny that happened yesterday, not really related to Common Core, but other crazy centralized bullcrap.
	I got a message from Nurse Tracy, and she said we just had a patient walk in here who was complaining of knees locking while urinating, I think.
	She knows, I think, the whole ICD-10 codes are funny.
	And so, you know, whatever was going on, they were all joking, oh, there's probably an ICD-10 code for it.
	Would you know it?
	ICD-10, code M23.90, locking knees.
	It's unbelievable.
	Even the people diagnosing and working with the patients don't even know what kind of codes there are.
	Locked knee, knee locking, derangement of meniscus of knee, internal derangement of knees.
	It has a code.
	But is it while peeing?
	Well, unfortunately not.
	Oh, that's too bad.
	That's what I said.
	It's good, but it's not quite there.
	And then the news that I was surprised that this is not major, major news.
	It would affect everything, I believe, with the aviation industry.
	Authorities in Tokyo are piecing together the details about a drone found on the roof of the Prime Minister's office.
	Hey, this story got a lot of legs.
	I didn't see it anywhere.
	I heard it in a couple of places.
	Well, I got it from somewhere, obviously, but it wasn't like a huge deal.
	I think the payload is what's interesting.
	The drone carried a slight amount of radioactive material.
	They're trying to figure out who flew it and when.
	Police are studying footage from surveillance cameras located near the office.
	They say staff discovered the drone Wednesday on the roof.
	They had gone there during a training session for new employees.
	Investigators say the last time anyone had been up there was a month ago, and there was no drone at that time.
	Exclusive photos obtained by NHK show the device was carrying a container filled with liquid and marked with a radioactive symbol.
	Investigators found traces of cesium inside.
	Police have stepped up surveillance around the Prime Minister's office and the Diet building.
	They're keeping a lookout for any suspicious activity, and they're asking the managers of nearby buildings to lock entrances to rooftops.
	It's probably some delivery.
	If you're going to have a little bottle of cesium in a liquid, I don't know how you do that.
	Well, the only thing I can think is that this is obviously for more security weaponry that needs to be purchased of the drone variety from us for Japan.
	That's what I was thinking immediately.
	It's not big enough sale.
	It's Mickey Mouse.
	Also, I have to correct myself.
	I have to correct myself.
	The handover of OpCon, the operational security weaponry for South Korea, I didn't realize this.
	It was supposed to be handed over at the beginning of the year, so South Korea would run it themselves.
	It has been delayed.
	Until 2020.
	So, everyone, you're all still in good hands.
	You don't have to go over there and blow some South Korean to sell your nuke.
	You can just do it with the same old people you always do in Washington.
	Well, I think the real action is still going to take place in the Middle East.
	They're just going to all blow each other up.
	Oh, sure.
	Sure.
	It's just...
	It's just a rectification.
	It'll set back a lot of programs.
	I mean, the Japanese just launched a fabulous-looking missile into the...
	I don't know where it went.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, it's beautiful.
	Not often I'm enthralled by a missile.
	Oh, this thing was dynamite-looking.
	Really?
	I'm thinking, well, you know, it's an ICBM quality thing.
	You know, they're going to go hit the moon or something.
	But it's like, you know, they put a bomb on there, put a warhead on that thing, and they can make up for World War II and drop our West Coast cities.
	I want to take a look at this thing.
	What was so beautiful about it?
	It's just gorgeous looking.
	Very well, just symmetrical.
	It had nice looking engines.
	It's just pretty.
	Funny.
	Anyway.
	I've never been turned on by a missile.
	That's what you say.
	It was symmetrical.
	It was beautiful.
	Anyway, they were going to have to have some sort of a confrontation.
	How about the shaft?
	Was the shaft all long and stiff and hard?
	You have to turn everything dirty.
	It's my job.
	Very offensive.
	Anyway.
	I'm sorry.
	I offended you.
	They're going to have to...
	The Iranians will get a bomb and then the Saudis and they're just going to blow each other up.
	This may be the...
	You're talking about crackpot.
	This may be the rationale for moving toward natural resources and homegrown oil and the rest because all that oil...
	In the Middle East, if they have an exchange of nukes and you blow up one thing or another, it's going to be contaminated and not useful.
	It won't be usable.
	Oh, that's a good point.
	There was an interesting report on CNBC about the oil, specifically oil prices, which I thought was, well, whenever CNBC says buy, you know you better be selling.
	But I did want to play this quickie.
	But as far as crude oil goes, Jackie, I'm a buyer right here.
	You have U.S. production flatlining.
	You have ISIS battling for control of oil fields in Iraq.
	You have U.S. warships off the coast of Yemen.
	I think we see $60 before we see $50 again.
	Oh, so that may be helpful.
	What do you think?
	I don't like that.
	I think the oil should be $30 and let the economy just go nuts.
	Right, but is it conceivable that creating a little bit of tension sends the prices up and that's good for everybody?
	It has done that in the past, but this is all...
	The problem is it's pre-accounted for because ISIS is not a new thing.
	It's going in there...
	I mean, they've been there...
	Well, the aircraft carrier near Yemen is new.
	The aircraft carrier near Yemen is new, so that would push the price up a little bit, but that's...
	Eh, I don't think so.
	I don't think oil is going to be at 60 anytime soon.
	Again, whenever CNBC says buy, you better be selling.
	Yeah, but CNBC, their theory is to say buy about everything.
	Not true.
	It's like the bullish network.
	It could be a massive depression, everything collapsing, buy, buy, buy.
	Now's the time to buy because it's low.
	Meanwhile, we haven't really focused on this war on cash, I think, for the past two weeks.
	We just haven't gotten to the...
	We haven't talked about it for months.
	Yeah, we haven't talked about it.
	Louisiana passed House Bill 195 banning the use of all...
	This is very similar to what we saw in European countries.
	Banning the use of all cash in all transactions involving second-hand goods.
	State Representative Rick Hardy, co-author of the bill, claims the bill targets criminals who traffic in stolen goods.
	It's a mechanism to be used so the police department has something to go on.
	They have a lead.
	The bill prohibits cash transactions by second-hand dealers.
	Defined to include garage sales, flea markets, resellers of specialty items, even non-profit resellers like Goodwill.
	Curiously, pawnbrokers are exempt from the ban, of course.
	This is very, very, very bad.
	Was it passed?
	Yes.
	Or is it just up for a vote?
	It was passed.
	House Bill 195, State of Louisiana, passed.
	Says passed?
	Yes, it says, with the passage of.
	Okay.
	Now, was it, I don't know if it has been signed.
	It's an illegal bill.
	There's no way that that's constitutional.
	Well, let's take a look and see if...
	If you read the Federal Reserve note, it says this is good for all debts and blah, blah, blah.
	It's got it on the bill.
	It's a U.S. government-issued bill that should be used for paying things.
	It's illegal to make that not true.
	Well, it also says, in God we trust.
	You know, so I don't know how...
	Well, you've got to trust somebody.
	Whatever the case, this is not a legal bill.
	It's bullcrap.
	Everybody from Craig's List, you know, you can't do any cash transactions on anything.
	Give me a break.
	This is like a...
	And this isn't going to...
	Oh, then here's law enforcement again looking for some easy way.
	Well, you know, a guy sold some stolen goods.
	So just go to the next state.
	You could drive out of Louisiana in an hour and a half.
	I'm trying to see if the governor has passed it, because that would be the final hurdle.
	House Bill 195.
	Let me see.
	Well, of course, they've been doing this all over the world, and we even received a communique from...
	Who was this from?
	Some bank douche.
	Let me see.
	I think it was Chase.
	Yeah, JPMorgan Chase.
	You're no longer, you are prohibited from storing cash in your bank safety deposit box.
	Well, they can do that.
	It's their business.
	They can.
	They can.
	I thought I would be able to find out if it was passed or not.
	Hold on.
	195, recreates.
	I think it looks like it might have been an amendment to something that they tacked on there, which means it probably will be signed into law.
	Okay.
	I think it got signed into law.
	I'm not 100% sure.
	Whatever the case.
	I said it.
	I heard it.
	I caught it.
	Whatever the case.
	Just because you catch it doesn't like...
	That gives me license to use it.
	No, it gives you zero license to use it.
	I like that.
	I like that theory.
	This is illegal.
	It's an illegal...
	If anybody takes it to court...
	I mean, it's ridiculous.
	How can...
	How can...
	I'm sorry.
	Why would you give that to the public?
	How can...
	Why would you screw your own public in Louisiana?
	Oh, because, oh, law enforcement now can look at it.
	You know, a good credit card could be stolen.
	Well, they just want to track your movements.
	And you're running a garage sale?
	You've got to go to the bank and sign up for credit card payments?
	Or you've got to get one of those little square guys?
	Yeah, square.
	They might have lobbied for it.
	Who knows?
	Some people don't have credit cards.
	What?
	Yeah.
	And this includes garage sales.
	And flea markets.
	And ham swap meats.
	Swap meats.
	I can just hear the hams going nuts.
	What the fuck?
	Get on the horn and stop this.
	Hams.
	You're a ham?
	Yeah, I'm not from Louisiana.
	I'm in the great state of Texas.
	They wouldn't allow this in Texas.
	Oh no, they would not.
	This would not be happening.
	But it does look like...
	So I'm going to buy a used bookshelf from you at a garage sale and now I have to give you all my ID and you've got to write down my license.
	No, I think that's different.
	If you are...
	Let's say you're a flea market dealer and you acquire things from people, you need to get all that information from the person you bought it from before you sell it on to anybody.
	Because you could be fencing, I guess.
	But the cash transaction is just foreboding.
	And again, including Goodwill.
	If I go to Goodwill and give them a bunch of old clothes, they have to take all my details?
	Just in case I'm fencing used clothes?
	Yes, yes.
	Here's a couple old ties.
	They might be fencing those.
	They may be stolen from the prince.
	Give me a break.
	Now that's something people should get it worked up about instead of these tunnels under Walmart.
	Oh, tunnels under Walmart!
	The shelves are empty, people!
	The shelves are empty.
	We've got an exclusive.
	I should find that.
	I got to find this video because it was the funniest thing.
	Hold on.
	Just indulge for a moment while I find this.
	I think you'll get a kick out of it.
	It was one of those, hello, people.
	Well, you won't believe what they're doing now.
	It's really crazy.
	We've got exclusive video.
	Walmart.
	Hold on, this is funny.
	Exclusive...
	I should have clipped that.
	I'm not...
	We could have had a good laugh, but here it is.
	Exclusive footage inside closed Walmart in California.
	Here we go.
	This is W7 with a big update to this.
	Oh, of course.
	That's going to...
	Why is that...
	Don't make that suck, please.
	Why is that now sucking?
	That lives 10 minutes away from...
	This Pico Rivera location in California.
	And she has supplied us with some footage that I'm going to share with you guys and some photos showing what's going down here.
	Now, right out the gate...
	Whenever someone says, you guys, in a YouTube video, you can just fast forward.
	It's going to be shit.
	See?
	The windows are covered in a black plastic tarp.
	Black tarp.
	Oh, black plastic.
	Place completely dead.
	Let me fast forward to the going inside.
	Here we go.
	That it showed up.
	Wanting to get the prescriptions because that part, fortunately, was still open.
	Fortunately.
	For now.
	As you can see, she states there were cops at every entrance of the perimeter.
	Perimeter.
	Especially at the receiving bank.
	The perimeter, John.
	The perimeter.
	They made their way up, and there was an area blocked off.
	Listen to this.
	This is great.
	What the fuck?
	Why is it doing this?
	Something weird is going on with that.
	It's all right.
	We'll get it.
	This right here let them into the building, and this is what she saw.
	Rows and stacks of empty shelves all the way around, blocking the view.
	Blocking the view?
	I'll roll some footage and let you guys see this.
	Roll some footage.
	Be very afraid.
	Look, this is great.
	This is so crazy.
	We've got footage.
	We're going inside.
	And they held the iPhone, you know, in portrait mode instead of landscape.
	Of course.
	Yeah.
	We're walking in.
	We're seeing nothing but empty.
	It's at this point where she makes her way in, and you can see that the shelving is completely blocking the view of the rest of the store.
	Now, she stated...
	It's quiet.
	It's quiet.
	It was quiet in the empty store with nothing on the shelves.
	Yeah, so what they did is they put some empty shelves.
	Yeah, they stacked it.
	Yeah.
	Just a little area so you can get to the pharmacy.
	Yeah, they kept the pharmacy open for good reason.
	There are police around the complete perimeter.
	The perimeter is surrounded by police.
	Including the docking bay, receiving bay, and someone walks up to her and tells her to stop filming.
	Stop filming?
	Well, yeah, you're in Walmart.
	And this just goes on and on.
	The shelves are empty.
	The police are around the perimeter.
	Oh my goodness.
	I hope I never sounded like that ever in my life, but I probably did at some point.
	That's fine.
	Okay, we got the...
	I don't know if we're going to listen to this.
	Actually, we didn't play this clip.
	This was the Loretta Lynch kind of, I think, Obama kind of blowing up.
	And this is the new holder.
	The new Holder, who's a friend of Holder's wife, I think.
	They went to school together.
	They've owned some charities together.
	Yeah, they know each other, which is kind of...
	Ah, well, gee, I'm shocked there's a...
	Yeah, nepotism going on.
	Nepotism going on.
	Do we have a nepotism?
	We probably do.
	Yeah.
	I just found this to be an amusing clip because Obama is just like, come on, you're off the rails as far as I'm concerned.
	Today's deal tweaks the abortion language in a way that both sides say they can accept.
	It also comes several days after President Obama blasted the delay of the Lynch nomination.
	There are times where the dysfunction in the Senate just goes too far.
	This is an example of it.
	My wife's friend, Folder's friend, should be brought in.
	It's gone too far.
	Too far.
	Enough.
	Call Loretta Lynch for a vote.
	Get her confirmed.
	Put her in place.
	Let her do her job.
	This is embarrassing.
	No, you know what's embarrassing?
	Embarrassing is this little video by Samantha Power from 2008.
	When she was talking about her friend, Barack Obama, being the man for the job, and particularly when we talked to the Kardashians.
	I'm sorry, the Armenian community.
	I am Samantha Power, a professor at the Kennedy School of Government and one of Barack Obama's senior foreign policy advisors.
	And I just wanted to speak with you, the Armenian community, about the reasons I'm supporting Barack Obama.
	What I've seen in Obama over the years now, the last few years, is his unshakable conscientiousness about human rights.
	On the issue of genocide prevention, whether with regard to understanding the cost of denial and the degree to which that fuels further cycles of violence, or a real-life genocide that's going on as we speak, which is that in Darfur and the leadership he's taken on that issue.
	Moreover, though, what is amazing about Barack and as I, a non-Washington person, so gravitate toward is his willingness to challenge conventional wisdom and conventional Washington issues.
	As your community knows better than anybody, business as usual in Washington leads to certain bad habits that are destructive for human rights and for human dignity.
	His very forthright statement on the Armenian genocide, his support for the Senate resolution, acknowledging the genocide all these years later, his willingness as president to commemorate it, And certainly to call a spade a spade and to speak truth about it.
	I know him very well and he's a person of incredible integrity and he's not going to focus group his way to making very important policy decisions.
	He's a true friend of the Armenian people.
	An acknowledger of the history.
	I hope you in the Armenian community will take my word for it.
	Take my word.
	I hope you'll just pay attention in these coming days to everything that comes out of that person's mouth, Barack Obama's mouth, because he's a person who can actually be trusted.
	Amen.
	Fist bump.
	That's right.
	Armenia.
	Wow.
	There's just the 100th anniversary.
	It just occurred to nothing.
	Quiet.
	Don't say anything.
	He won't even say it.
	Forget the resolution.
	He won't even say, yeah, it was genocide.
	Yeah, no, he's done.
	That bullcrap that he said is bullcrap.
	And she's a sucker.
	You can trust him.
	Trust me.
	You can trust him.
	So the local news story around here I thought was kind of amusing.
	I just think of just the set, because I bitch and moan about bicyclists and the kind of the mentality we have.
	Oh, I haven't noticed.
	San Francisco Bay Area.
	This is the kind of thing that goes on.
	You need to move out of there.
	Oh, I love it.
	This is the kind of thing that goes on, stabbing by pen on an airplane.
	I snorted, I'm sorry.
	A stunning moment on board a Southwest flight just before takeoff in Chicago after a bizarre incident of air rage.
	Look at this.
	You can see on this man's sleeve a fellow passenger attacking him with a pen.
	That woman escorted off, reportedly annoyed by his loud snoring.
	And she's not the only one losing her temper.
	ABC's David Curley tonight.
	This pen turned into a weapon of sorts on a man who was snoring.
	Imagine being asleep and then being stung by bees and waking up and going, ow!
	Police board.
	The evidence?
	Blue ink on his shirt from the pokes or stabs from the woman sitting next to him.
	This all happened before takeoff from Chicago.
	She was smirking and we just never, I mean, she said zero.
	She was escorted off.
	Personal space invasion that can get nasty.
	Remember the woman sleeping on a man's lap?
	Or the woman who last year threw a soda in a man's face because he used a pair of those knee defenders to keep her seat from reclining?
	If you talk to flight attendants, air rage is on the rise.
	Partly because of the packed planes and the incredible shrinking seat, narrower and from 34 inches of legroom a couple of decades ago, cut to 32, 30, even 28 inches in some low fare operators.
	We're headed to more trouble if we don't take this seriously and take a look at what's happening in the aircraft cabin environment today.
	The woman with the pen was not charged.
	She was put on a later flight to New Hampshire.
	What a charger.
	So the guy's snoring away and this woman just takes a pen and starts stabbing him.
	Yeah, I think we need to recognize that human beings are a-holes.
	I mean, not the ones who, you know, I think the no agenda listeners are in a different category and some are thinking in a much higher plane of vibrations.
	But in general, this type of behavior comes from I really think it comes all the way from the leadership in Washington, D.C. It also doesn't help to have these 28-inch, as they mentioned.
	No, that doesn't help.
	A bunch of people into these.
	And then these airlines have the gall to suggest standing room-only seats every so often.
	But that's not really the problem.
	You deal with it and we're all in the same boat.
	But no, we're now going to have to be assholes to each other.
	And by the way, we're seeing riots now in Baltimore.
	You know, what is happening here?
	Why you see black people on the street?
	I'm going to say it very clearly because it kind of struck me as I was watching this live footage and, you know, people coming up, just jumping in front of the CNN guy.
	Fuck the police, you know, with a full-on grill, too.
	It was pretty cool.
	It was like Flavor Flav was on there.
	This is what happens when the leadership of a country tells you all is well, and unemployment, it's lowest ever since I've been around, and the economy is great, because the poverty, the real poverty, has been pushed into ghettoized areas of primarily African Americans, Hispanics, But believe me, just because we see a lot of black faces, it's going to happen with a lot of white faces, too.
	This is what poverty does.
	People have no more.
	And the people who are just getting by, they're the ones that start poking each other with pens because they're so frustrated about their own situation.
	They can't get by.
	They're stupid.
	They're completely filled up to the gills in debt.
	They don't know what to do to get to the next month.
	They can't take any kind of break.
	They've got ISIS and all these fear-mongering things all over the place and cyber and whatever it is.
	This is what...
	It starts now.
	You see it here.
	It is going to only get worse and it will be blamed on bad cops and anything except the truth, which is particularly the President of the United States is lying, lying, lying.
	He's lying.
	Lying.
	It's shit.
	The only reason why we're still alive is because we provide entertainment, which traditionally, in bad times, does okay.
	This is true.
	And everybody else is in dire straits.
	We see it in the donations, too.
	It's not just people not giving a shit about our show.
	It's poverty.
	And it's all blamed on something else.
	And then the middle class, where we're all supposed to be, the middle class is stretched.
	And people are...
	What is this?
	I have the right here to be on this plane quiet!
	Don't snore!
	I've seen these people.
	It's a virus of the mind.
	And they're freaking out.
	Well, there's definitely lots of them.
	And, of course, I could go into my wealth tax thing, which would probably solve some of these issues.
	But let's go to listen to the super economist crazy guy, the bald guy in Greece.
	The cool dude.
	Volkovich.
	Voldemar.
	He brings up the oligarchy and says the rich aren't even being taxed at all.
	But this was a little interview he had on Democracy Now!
	when Amy Weinhart...
	Goodheimer.
	Amy Goodheimer...
	Asked him, do you think you're going to get kicked out of the Euro?
	And I think he gave the absolute best answer to this.
	And it had a few little gems in here.
	And it's very...
	I listened to this guy.
	He's a lot longer than this little clip.
	This guy's actually incredibly sharp.
	Well, we've discussed this.
	Yeah.
	And what is the clip name?
	The clip name is Euro and the Greek guy.
	Yeah.
	What will you do if Europe expels you from the euro?
	Poke them with a pen!
	Europe is not going to expel us from the euro.
	I refuse to believe that Europe would ever operate that way.
	And remember that since the end of the Second World War, European peoples and their governments have been working tirelessly to bring closer integration together.
	Nobody in Europe wants to begin the process of disintegration over what is, after all, a very small philosophical difference of opinion regarding how to stabilize a small economy like Greece.
	Our position is that, folks, the last five years offered decisive proof that this program that you had Agreed with previous governments was not working.
	And now we need to reboot it.
	We need another one.
	And we need one that makes perfect sense, that it's completely undogmatic and which does two major things.
	Firstly, it removes the austerity-driven logic from the scene because it's self-defeating and it's pushing debts up rather than down by attacking incomes from which the debts will have to be repaid.
	And secondly, deep reforms that attack the malignancies of the Greek social economy and in particular the oligarchy and the very gross level of inequality which is adding to the crisis.
	When you're turning a society like Greece into less equal, into a more unequal society and you reduce the tax base by allowing the rich to get away without paying their taxes to have tax immunity and constantly to be looking at small...scale parasitic behavior while neglecting the grand-scale parasitic behavior, then you're simply making a bad thing worse.
	I spoke to a Greek kid from a Greek descendant yesterday.
	Tuesday, I was being interviewed for a documentary.
	And he was a local guy.
	He had a 4K camera, so he rents himself out.
	And afterwards, the documentary dude, who's actually pretty famous.
	He's getting famous.
	His documentary is out now called An Honest Liar.
	Which is pretty good about deceit in, you know, fortune tellers and all kinds of stuff like that.
	And I said, what are you hearing from the old country?
	He said, everybody, my entire family, everybody wants the drachma bat.
	I said, are you kidding me?
	Do you actually think that's going to work?
	They really want it.
	I said, well, how about Syriza?
	Well, you know, they're not super happy, but they think they're the guys that will at least get something done.
	And the Greek, according to him, all want to get out of the Euro, go back to the drachma, unaware, apparently.
	And he actually said, yeah, we'll have hyperinflation for a while, but then it'll calm down.
	We'll be better.
	All right, well, okay.
	Sticking in the neighborhood...
	Doc, you can't just drop this bomb.
	Part of a documentary and not tell us anything.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	Yes.
	So the guy's name is Tyler...
	Jordan.
	Yes.
	Former LDS, by the way.
	It was very interesting to talk about that for a little bit.
	He was raised Mormon.
	And he's in a couple other docs, but this one is even playing now in Austin.
	So...
	It was like, I got a request through my agent from LA, who has never gotten me a paying job ever, and I never hear from him.
	And it's been more than a year.
	Hey!
	Hey, it's Matthew!
	There's no money in him, and I think he should be...
	And then I go look at the guy, and I see the film.
	He's going to do an MTV documentary.
	However, it is not just about, hey, man, what is it like to interview Bon Jovi?
	Which I would not have done.
	But it was more about how...
	It was actually a lot of MTV and technology, so I got to tell my funny story about how MTV said, oh, go ahead, Curry, you can use MTV.com.
	The Internet's nothing.
	We've got the AOL keyword, stuff like that.
	Right.
	Very common thinking during that era, by the way.
	But also parallels between cable television and Internet.
	And, of course, we see the same things happening now with gatekeepers and what can and cannot be done.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's a labor of love.
	I hope he gets it all together.
	He's got Les Garland, so he's got a couple people already.
	And it might turn out to be something good.
	Yeah, it might be something different.
	Are you wearing your beard?
	A little bit of beard, yes.
	And I had my t-shirt.
	I thought I would do a t-shirt.
	I had a jacket on, but a t-shirt with a...
	It's a wiener dog with a unicorn horn, and it says Believe.
	Did I bring a No Agenda t-shirt?
	No.
	No, I didn't.
	I don't have it.
	Did you give it?
	Wait, wait, did you give it?
	Yes!
	Why, yes!
	And that brings me to a little segment I like to call Thank You for Christmas in April.
	The Facebook group, No Agenda Facebook group, apparently, so I mentioned my P.O. Box in Austin, 41958.
	And I should go and empty that thing out and see what's going on.
	You know, when you open the PO box and it's crammed and there are five keys in there because that means that there's five other articles that were too big to cram into the box, you know, this is going to be a good day.
	I could not carry this stack of packages out of the post office in one go.
	I had to go back two times.
	So I want to thank Trevor Howard, who sent me a fantastic package.
	This is obviously the No Agenda CD package.
	And along with that now comes business cards.
	So there's a whole Vista print box of business cards.
	On one side it says just No Agenda.
	On the other side it just has the QR code for NoAgendaShow.com.
	And it has the new CDs, which I think the labeling is just beautiful.
	So I want to thank Trevor for that.
	Then I want to thank...
	Trevor, what about Ramsey?
	Well, Trevor Howard sent them.
	Oh, okay.
	But they're Ramsey product.
	Citizen X. Now, Citizen X, this is how it was tipped off to me.
	Hey, you know, we were talking about sending you stuff, and she sent me glow sticks.
	Yeah, she's got a big crush on you, you know.
	Yeah, and she sent me...
	I think you have one of those.
	You know, you played that earlier, and as soon as you did, I said, you know, I forgot where mine even is.
	Yeah.
	Then, let me see, I got...
	Is it a metal one, or is it a plastic one?
	Plastic.
	Benjamin Ritgers, I believe, a challenge coin that I received that we talked about along with his donation notes.
	So I got that one.
	Thank you very much.
	Then I have, this is from Baroness Tanya.
	What did she send again?
	Oh, she sent me a book, Please Kill Me, which is a book about punk rock.
	Love that.
	And Sir Birch.
	Sir Birch up there sent me a brand new Philips Sonic Care Diamond Clean.
	He says, just in case Mickey took the other one.
	Please use it in the morning and in the evening.
	Thank you.
	Did Mickey take the other one?
	No.
	But this is a new version.
	You can do your teeth in half the time.
	Ah, bada bing.
	And then finally, this is from...
	This is from Trevor, I think.
	Yeah, this is from Trevor.
	So that's his note.
	Okay, and then from...
	This is the final article.
	From our very own John Fletcher, he sent me an actual bosun whistle.
	Yeah, I've got one.
	Now, I thought you could go up and down in tone, but I haven't figured out how to do it.
	There's some way of doing it with you.
	You use one of your fingers.
	Oh.
	So you've got different tones there.
	And it sounds so professional!
	I'm going to show myself by donating to No Agenda.
	Imagine all the people who could do that.
	Oh yeah, that'd be fun.
	Yeah, I'll know what you love in the morning.
	Oh, brother.
	Let's thank a few people who have helped us here at the show 715 Anonymous in Montevideo, Uruguay.
	Wow.
	$111.11.
	I would love to visit Uruguay.
	Are you going my way or Uruguay?
	What?
	Never mind.
	Paraguay or Uruguay?
	Either one.
	I think both of them.
	They're, you know, it's...
	Well, Paraguay is where all the black market stuff takes place for the Brazilians.
	Chris Bonk in Thornhill, Ontario, Canada, 104.30.
	We have a birthday call out there.
	Also for Tim Connor, Edmonton, Alberta.
	Another birthday thing is for him.
	Coming up.
	Chris Rold Tingen's doll in Norway, $100.00.
	Anonymous again, and he's back in Sepulpa, Oklahoma.
	$100.
	Sir Walter Rapps in Kirkrad, Limburg, Holland.
	So it'd be Sir Wilbert Rapps in Kirkrada.
	Kirkrada.
	Kirkrada, Limburg.
	Limburg.
	Which is the cheese.
	Yeah, that's a cheese.
	It's not a place or anything, or a province, it's just a cheese.
	There's a lot of times, this is funny, when you're in the train, I said once, I said, well, I'll jump on the train.
	Hey, you go...
	And just go around.
	Howda?
	And there's a bunch of towns that are named after cheese.
	Exactly.
	Lear Dummer.
	Emmentaler.
	Charles Kohler in Bothell, Bothell, Bothell, Washington.
	The nice Dutch town of Cheddar.
	There is no cheddar.
	I don't even think they eat it.
	He just sent a note in a handwritten note.
	We're getting a lot of these.
	I get a lot of this mail.
	Five in Spanish is Cinco, not Sanco.
	You drive me crazy every Cinco de Mayo when all I hear from you is Sanco de Mayo.
	I say Cinco de Mayo.
	No, he's talking to me.
	I say Sanco.
	You should listen to the screaming man.
	Cinco de Mayo!
	I'm a douche.
	Oh, you're not.
	Cinco.
	Cinco.
	We have Sean Coffey in Annandale, New South Wales.
	$80.80.
	Ronald Montesano in New York.
	New Paltz.
	New York.
	Carolina Garcia, 7473 in Elmwood Park with a douchebag check.
	Douchebag check.
	Douchebag check.
	And we got a birthday call out for her.
	Aaron Murphy in Rio Rancho, New Mexico, 72-73.
	Daniel Ehrlich in Bowlesburg, Pennsylvania, 71-40.
	Eric Hunsaker in Farmington, Farmington, Utah.
	Huh?
	Utah.
	69-69.
	Richard Chow in Froelich in California.
	69-69.
	Sean DeSantis in Fort Pierce, Florida.
	69.
	Stuart Morrison in Doncaster, Victoria, Australia.
	69.
	Sir D.H. Slammer.
	We've got some action with the Slammers, apparently.
	66-60.
	There's a birthday coming up.
	Kevin Dills, Charlotte, North Carolina, 6432.
	Sandalen Media Oyab, which means company, I think.
	And Helsingfors, Finland.
	Algemeina something or other, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Valet Pill.
	What?
	Vale.
	Vale Pill.
	Vale Pili, I think.
	Yeah.
	In Boulder, Colorado, $59.99.
	Matthias Dinalt.
	Matthias.
	Matthias Dinalt in Wien.
	Vienna.
	Oh.
	55-55.
	Benjamin Roger Ritgers in Ames, Iowa, 51-10.
	Double nickels on the dime for Les Smith in Tiburon, California.
	Also, Steven Schnabel in...
	Someplace in the UK. 55 double-niggles on the dime for him.
	Acne Sheen.
	Acne Sheen?
	I've never heard of Acne Sheen.
	I've never heard of it either.
	Paul West in Simi Valley, California, double-niggles on the dime.
	Artman, John Artman in China, Beijing.
	54-15, nice.
	Hey, welcome.
	Session Wu.
	Hit it.
	Session Wu!
	Bill Johnson in Grovetown, Georgia, $5133.
	Roger Estee in Palm Harbor, Florida, $51.
	And now these final folks and producers are all $50 donors, including Brandon Stewart in Dallas, Texas.
	Matthew again, or the different one.
	Matthew.
	Matthew.
	Matthew Haley.
	Not the same guy.
	Macy Stolowski.
	Almost every show.
	Almost every single show.
	Lots of shows.
	Calgary, Alberta.
	Because it's Calgary.
	Sandy Geisler in Watkinsville, Georgia.
	Brandon Merrick.
	In Tempe, Arizona.
	Andrew Martin in Torella, New South Wales.
	A lot of season New Zealanders today.
	Jason Daniels in Dallas, Texas.
	Mark DeWitt in Saudi Daisy, Tennessee.
	Cool.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I live in Saudi Daisy.
	Simon Lingshed in Denmark.
	It's probably got better pronunciation.
	Jopp Butterdyke.
	Boutendike.
	Boutendike.
	Boutend is an N in there.
	And Edinburgh.
	Edinburgh.
	Steve, Corona, California.
	No, it's Steve in Corona, California.
	Mark Dunford in Waco, Texas.
	Paul Vela, who we hear from a lot.
	I think it's Sir Paul Vela, if I'm not mistaken.
	Ashley Blanco in Mayfield Heights, Ohio.
	Judy Schwartz in Bern, Texas.
	Bernie.
	What?
	Bernie.
	Is it pronounced Bernie?
	Bernie, yes.
	Local pronunciation.
	I never guessed that.
	Steve Winslow in Bristol, Avon, UK. And finally, Ignacio Garcia Perez in Spain, outside of Madrid, if I'm not mistaken.
	And finally, our good old buddy over here in Oakland, California, Benjamin Smith.
	Folks that donated to show 715, want to thank each and every one of them.
	And remind you, we do have 716 coming up, and we'd appreciate all the support we can get.
	Yes, and we have a couple of birthdays on the way, and we also have a couple of nightings, and one posthumous daming, and I'd like to share the note, because we met all of these folks on the 2008 Hot Pockets Tour in Chick-Shinney because we met all of these folks on the 2008 Hot Pockets Tour In the morning, back in the Hot Pockets 2008 Tour in Chick-Shinney, you met Crash Helmet Kathy.
	You remember she had the kooky-ass Crash Helmet on that said she had no agenda on it, written on it in Magic Marker?
	You might remember.
	Yeah, I do.
	I remember that photo.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	She was suffering from cancer, just had chemo, was totally bummed that she couldn't make it down from New York to meet you on the tour.
	Of course, her whole family was there.
	Since she's the most loyal NA fan right from the beginning of the show, for the past few years, my mom, Vicky, has been sending you our family's Noah Jen McChristmas card and periodic updates about Kathleen.
	Her condition went from okay to bad and back again over the last few years.
	However, things deteriorated pretty badly for her last fall and, well, her fuck cancer karma finally ran out on January 31st.
	No Agenda has been a really great bonding point for us.
	It has provided us with many of the discussion points through which Kathy and I got to know each other.
	Uncle Rick and Kathy have been visiting my family for Christmas for years.
	I always look forward to seeing them sharing N.A. gag gifts and having a good old-fashioned crackpot N.A. discussion.
	We were all close before, but the inside baseball of the show gave us a special camaraderie that made spending time with them truly meaningful.
	The show was a big part of how we interacted with each other.
	I can't remember the last time I called them and it didn't say, In the morning, douchebags!
	In fact, my last conversation with Kathy during her last few days in hospice started out with, In the morning, slave!
	We exchanged a few memes from the show, even then, knowing how things were going to end, it was really moving to pass some no-agenda jokes back and forth one last time.
	FEMA Region 3 is going to be a lot of fun.
	This Sunday, April 26, in lieu of a glum funeral, there's going to be a celebration of Kathy's life with family and friends.
	I haven't monitored my donation total since my knighthood in 2012, but it turns out I have an extra knighthood that I never cashed in, accounting attached.
	Rather than getting the baronet title, I would like to posthumously donate the knighthood to Kathy.
	If you could knight Dame Kathy posthumously on Sunday's show, that would be the most meaningful thing I could think of to commemorate her.
	It also means a lot to Uncle Rick, who was a tireless and loving caregiver for Kathy.
	I want to thank you all for the work you've done for the show.
	It may seem thankless at times, but it's really brought us together and been a uniting factor for me and my family, Uncle Rick and Kathy.
	She may be gone...
	But she hit a lot of people in the mouth on her way out, and I can't adequately put into words my appreciation for the show and the impact it has had on our lives.
	Thank you so much.
	A Memphis Bump, Sir Scott Protector of the Dykes on Bikes.
	So, yes.
	Yes, yes, yes.
	A million times yes.
	And we will certainly miss the humor of now-to-be Dame Cathy, but you guys can obviously keep that going.
	Amen.
	Fist bump.
	Dvorak.org slash N-A And we say happy birthday to Tim Connor today.
	Carolina Garcia says happy birthday to her husband.
	He turns the magic number 33 on April 14th.
	Les Smith says happy birthday to his lovely wife, Kim.
	She celebrated on the 20th of April.
	Benjamin Rickers, 39, on April 22nd.
	Dane Bang Bang and Sir D.H. Slammer were the oldest.
	Their oldest is turning 10 on the 25th.
	Chris Bonk, happy birthday to Rick on April 30th.
	And finally, the man who keeps it all running, keeps the infrastructure running, keeps the cyber attacks in bay.
	Happy birthday to Mark Void Zero, turning 31 on Saturday.
	Finally, I got it out.
	Happy birthday to all of you from the best podcast in the universe.
	And I'd like to invite Sir Kevin, Kevin Lacombe up, Ted, Eric, and of course, in memorandum, in memoriam, I should say, we have Kathy.
	So let us grab our swords, an extra long one to be able to really whack that helmet.
	There we go.
	Kevin McComb, Ted Ehrlich, and Kathy, I know you're around there somewhere.
	All of you are now about to enter the exclusive club known as the Round Table of the Knights and the Dames of the No Agenda Show, and I hereby pronounce the K-T, Sir Kevin of Devon, Sir Theodore of the present moment, and of course, Dame Kathy.
	For you, wherever you are, Rent Boys and Chardonnay, Hookers and Blow, Progressive Rock, and Russian Imperial Stout.
	Root beer and Legos, girlfriend experience and good bourbon, Cuban cigars and single malt scotch, wenches and beer, geishas and sake, bong hits and bourbon, sparkling cider and escorts, and obviously mutton and mead, and we will send you off your ring and the entire kit.
	Please retweet that.
	Go to noengineernation.com slash rings, and we shall have it all taken care of.
	That was sweet.
	A little touching, actually.
	We have, very.
	So we have another situation.
	You know, earlier in the show I mentioned the, why can't these guys from Minnesota go to Syria if they want to?
	Yes.
	Because they're Americans.
	You have freedom.
	Freedom of travel is a right.
	Freedom of movement is a right.
	Yeah, so what's the point?
	And we don't have a war declared.
	Declare war and then you can make...
	Or the authorized use of military force might give you something, but even that I don't think can hold up against it.
	I don't think so.
	And it's not, and are they, if you're in Libya, are you shooting at Americans?
	I don't think so about that either.
	So here's another one that's just, I don't know why this bothers me.
	Because the guy's an obvious douchebag.
	And we should, you know, I didn't like him from the beginning.
	But now he's been charged with murder.
	We're talking about Morsi.
	This guy was elected as the president of the country.
	He was duly elected.
	In India, let's just point India.
	Not in India.
	Pakistan?
	I'm talking about Morsi.
	I thought you said Modi.
	Morsi, yes.
	Yeah, not Modi.
	Sorry, Morsi.
	Morsi Modi.
	But Morsi, yeah.
	Duly elected.
	First time they've ever had this sort of thing.
	Part of the Arab Spring.
	Egypt.
	Egypt.
	Part of the Arab Spring.
	You know, we had Egypt, we had Libya, all these great things were going on with our tech experts and the Twitter accounts, and we rubble-ized these places.
	But I just thought that there was some irony.
	You visually have to see this Morsi guy looking like, what the fuck did I do?
	The only democratically elected leader of modern-day Egypt is headed to prison for 20 years.
	On Tuesday, a criminal court in Cairo sentenced the ousted Islamist President Mohamed Morsi to two decades behind bars in connection with the murder of protesters back in 2012.
	It is the judicial climax in a dramatic downfall for Morsi and Egypt's once powerful Muslim Brotherhood.
	Well, Amnesty International has slammed the sentence, calling it a travesty of justice.
	A 20-year prison sentence for a freely elected president in a cage.
	The court convicted Mohamed Morsi of charges connected to the deaths of protesters.
	But he was acquitted of murder, to the disappointment of many.
	Yeah.
	This is New World Order, man.
	If you don't play along, you're out.
	Yeah, you gotta play the game.
	I mean, if you're gonna go with the deaths of protesters, I mean, Obama'd be in jail.
	Yeah.
	Well, he does take full responsibility.
	Maybe that helps.
	I got a little mean...
	I'm finding this...
	It's just...
	I don't know.
	I mean, what am I expecting?
	Like someone would say, what do you expect?
	No, you can't expect that.
	I mean, you're just fooling yourselves if you think that this is not a giant charade.
	But I just think it's funny.
	Well, he probably won't.
	He's in a cage, and he's looking around.
	He never smiles.
	And he's got his glasses on, and he's got the douchebag beard and the whole thing.
	And he says, I don't know.
	All I did was run for office.
	The only thing he's missing is a vape.
	The what?
	You got the douchebag beard.
	You gotta be vaping.
	Vaporizer.
	Vape.
	Oh, vape.
	As a meme, a meme that I find interesting.
	I could have done a whole montage.
	I'll just play this 30 seconds.
	You tell me what the meme is.
	Following the capsized ships in Italy, today in Greece, a boat runs aground near the island of Rhodes.
	At least three people dead.
	Survivors clinging to the floating debris while rescuers are trying to pull them ashore.
	A second boat carrying 300 people was reported sinking with reports claiming more fatalities.
	Right now, the international hotspot in Greece.
	Hello everyone, I'm Dan Kleffler.
	As this migrant crisis is getting worse, European officials from 28 countries are in Luxembourg for emergency talks on how to handle this developing humanitarian disaster.
	Did you hear the meme?
	No.
	Mediterranean migrants.
	Oh.
	Yeah, how about refugees?
	They're refugees.
	People are getting on boats, trying to get to Italy, trying to get to Greece, and they're being called migrants.
	Outstanding catch.
	But the best is when they say Mediterranean migrants.
	That's even funnier.
	We're having a good time here in the Mediterranean.
	I wouldn't call it a meme, though.
	I would call it a euphemism, a new euphemism.
	But it's a good catch.
	Yeah, give me a break.
	And it is in the style guide, because this is just a lie.
	These are not migrants.
	It's a total lie, yes.
	These are refugees.
	But I love it, Mediterranean migrants.
	Yeah, Mediterranean.
	Like we're in Club Med, hanging out.
	I got an idea.
	Or they just popped up from an undersea thing.
	Yeah, let's go migrate over to Italy.
	Yeah, there's some good parties there.
	Earth Day.
	I would like to share with you some Earth Day...
	As much as I love Austin, and I will say I love Texas, every building has their own little website, internal website, and what else do they have?
	They have little messages.
	You'll recall someone hung up a phony message about the hamsters.
	Yeah.
	Which was funny.
	But this is not a joke.
	This was actually sent out to the residents.
	Calling all humans.
	Earth Day is right around the corner.
	Here's your chance to step up your green game and show the Earth some sweet lovin'.
	What?
	Let me continue.
	Calling all Earthlings?
	No, calling all humans.
	Humans, okay.
	Earth Day is right, and it's all made pretty and stuff, you know?
	Sure.
	With little, you know, beautiful blue water.
	April 22nd is the day all of us renew our vows to Mother Earth.
	Hey, if I'm married to her, she better be sleeping with me.
	The day we renew our vows to Mother Earth to take care of her as she's graciously taken care of us.
	Will you use less water?
	Unplug all of your electronics, eat more locally grown produce, choose one or all of the above by taking the pledge at MyEarthPledge.com, then share it with your friends on Facebook or Twitter, and help us spread the word!
	Here are a few tips on how to give a helping hand to Earth, not only on Earth Day, but for every day.
	Tip number one.
	Turn down the temp.
	For what?
	Earth, that's what.
	Wash your laundry in cold water instead of hot.
	Tip number two.
	Chug it up.
	In a trendy, reusable water bottle.
	All those other plastic bottles take 450 years to decompose.
	And tip number three, quit with the snail mail and receive your bills online with the digital age and save trees and gas.
	Excuse me, I'm just going to go shoot myself.
	My goodness, people.
	This is really the mentality.
	This is the level of the thinking that people have about social issues.
	Yeah, yeah, it's pretty juvenile, I think would be the way to put it.
	Sophomoric is another word I could use.
	Retarded.
	Retarded, that'd be a good one.
	And that's a word, by the way, you can, all of no agenda, people know that this, if we were on the regular broadcast network.
	Could not say that word.
	We could not say the word retarded.
	Could not say the word.
	Could not say the word.
	So I got one last clip here that I want to play, which is the clip, which has another, I think a backstory, I think it's just propaganda.
	FBI labs screwed up hair analysis.
	Yes, I have this as well.
	Let's listen to what you have here.
	Tonight, the FBI is notifying hundreds of convicts nationwide that flawed analysis of hair samples at the FBI lab may have resulted in their convictions.
	Some of the defendants won't get the notice.
	They've already been executed.
	Woo!
	Woo!
	What a punchline!
	I have a longer report and I think I know what this is about because it irritated me when I heard a little more background.
	The Washington Post is now reporting that the FBI admits some of its experts gave flawed testimony in trials that spanned more than 20 years and they were part of an elite forensic unit and reportedly overstated hair matches in almost all criminal cases in which they presented testimony before the year 2000.
	And so we're talking, quite simply, these examiners, these elite core of examiners, have admitted to not telling the whole truth, skewing their testimony in favor of, in large part, the prosecution.
	So they lied.
	I mean, that's a fancy way of saying they lied, went into trial, knowing that they were fabricating information, and it may have, in large part, led to the convictions, or at least played a role in the convictions.
	Absolutely.
	This was not some admission or this epiphany that some of these examiners had.
	This discovery is being made by way of, in large part, the Innocence Project.
	Which is just amazing.
	But the Justice Department helped, I guess, involve their perspective, right?
	But they did.
	They're recruited to look into this.
	So the Justice Department and the FBI now are working closely with the Innocence Project as well as the National Association of Defense Lawyers.
	And so they, along with the Innocence Project, have said, look, we have got to figure this out.
	These admissions, is there a reason?
	I mean, why?
	Why?
	I don't know why.
	And that's very interesting, and we haven't seen why.
	The Justice Department and the FBI have been very wise to say, look, this is a problem, and we need your help in trying to get this resolved.
	But this, I don't understand it, because you had 28 investigators in this elite unit.
	26 of them have done things that were not correct in these trials.
	Okay.
	I think I know what's going on here, and it was interesting to have them just sit there and go, What?
	I don't understand why!
	What is going on?
	This is very strange!
	Of course, the first thing I looked at is a new CSI debut.
	Could it be something like that?
	No.
	Of course, I went to the Innocence Project.
	And the Innocence Project, which I think is legit, looking at the Form 990, about 5 million in kidding.
	Yeah, I think so too.
	Yeah, I think it's a legit org.
	President Obama promised he was going to do the mother of all clemency.
	Thousands of people shall receive clemency.
	And I believe that the FBI... We're good to go.
	But they're talking about that are still left.
	And the president can go, with my magic wand, I give you all clemency.
	I wonder about that.
	It is still a slap in the face of the FBI. I have a couple of thoughts on this myself.
	One, I think, is as part of a liberal scheme to, you know, to berate and screw up any states that have the death penalty because this proves that this is horrible to do that because you killed a bunch of innocents.
	Ah, good one.
	Good one, good one, good one.
	The timing for that is perfect with the Boston Trial.
	Boston Trial.
	Right.
	So there's a lot of that.
	There's that element.
	And there's also, I think there's probably another dimension to this besides the entertainment aspects.
	And if I could think of what it was, which I didn't write down, I'm going to have to...
	Give me some backup here.
	Well, okay.
	I believe the FBI... Oh, yeah.
	The reason this is because it's not a direct thing.
	I have a question.
	This is thematic of the show today.
	Sorry, I forgot that right on the spot.
	Out of this, how come somebody who they claim lied and it resulted in a dead man, they don't get nailed for murder, perjury, or manslaughter?
	You know, if you accidentally run somebody over on the street, you may be well-intended.
	You're not trying to run the person over.
	You're trying to avoid them.
	You kill somebody else.
	You get thrown in the slammer.
	People get thrown in the slammer for a lot less than what these guys did.
	How come there's never prosecution of this sort of malfeasance?
	They had to remember the Ted Stevens when he was railroaded by the Justice Department.
	And then it came out where a judge said, this is bad.
	You can't do this.
	What you're doing is illegal.
	How come nobody ever pays the price for that?
	Well, that's just like they arrested some coder.
	Seriously, a software developer is now going to jail for the flash crash of 2010 because he created a little program with existing code and he made some money.
	And the banks were doing this all the time at a millionth of a second, a thousandth of a second.
	Now no one's going to jail.
	And this brings me to another point, which is...
	One second.
	Let's remember, James Comey is cleaning up the FBI. I still think he wants to clean everything up.
	We can't have people catching on to the fact that the DNA stuff, it's just not necessarily really all good, and that people will lie.
	It doesn't work, and they lie.
	So this has to be...
	I think we'll see a clemency.
	I agree with what you're saying about the death penalty, but I think that...
	Well, there's also the element that's going on in Baltimore.
	They're talking a big story.
	This brings this to mind.
	This is my last complaint.
	It's all part of the same similar anti-government complaint.
	Yes.
	So in Baltimore, they had another one of these cop shootings, which is part of their, you know, I think, body cam.
	Was it a shooting, or did he just fall out of the truck and broke his back?
	I don't know.
	No, they grabbed the guy, and his back was severed somewhere.
	He wasn't a shot, right?
	He was beat up and crippled.
	Whatever the case.
	And I said whatever the case again.
	You're tired now.
	We need to end the show.
	I'm getting tired.
	They're revealing, the Baltimore Sun revealed that they've already paid out in the last number of years $5 million to like 100 different people that were beat up by the cops or injured.
	At this point, your ticket out of poverty is to say, okay, which kid shall I have killed?
	Right, you can get yourself a few hundred thousand.
	Yeah.
	Who pays this five million?
	Now, most cities are insured, but the insurance policies go way up on cities like Baltimore.
	That means the taxpayers are paying for the crappy job that the cops are doing by beating people up.
	Or that the city government's doing and not fixing a sewer or whatever it is.
	Something caves in.
	Nobody ever gets called out on this.
	The mayor never goes to jail.
	The cop who beat the guy up never goes to jail.
	He gets fired.
	Or he goes on administrative leave.
	There's never any prosecution of any of these people, yet the taxpayers are putting up with just dropping millions and millions of dollars over this incompetency.
	It's just galling.
	No wonder we're all broke.
	John C. DeVore acts pet peeve of the day.
	Took me a while to get there, but I've managed it.
	You made it.
	I will just leave you with one last thing that I hope will gall you as much as a gall...
	Monsanto.
	In fact, I put it under the Monsanto category, but it actually doesn't really belong there according to the information on this product, which I had not heard of.
	This is a new product, John, new product, and there's a little theme song that goes with the product.
	Woo!
	Hello, everybody!
	Sing it, everybody!
	Tom Tato!
	That's right, the Tom Tato, John.
	It is a plant that has been modified, so tomatoes grow on the vine and tomatoes underneath.
	It's hard to believe that it's not genetically modified, it's just grafting, but it's the truth.
	We've got the Tom Tato!
	I wish I had more to say so I could hit the final jingle.
	Tom Tato?
	Yes.
	No, the Tom Tom Tato.
	Here it comes.
	Let's say it together now.
	Let's say it together now.
	It's just Tom Tato, not Tom Tom Tato.
	I said Tom Tato.
	So it's a Tom Tato from Monsanto.
	What does it taste like?
	It's not from Monsanto.
	It's not from Monsanto.
	Okay, well that would make sense.
	They say it's just grafted and it's magic.
	The plant grows tomatoes on the vine and potatoes underneath.
	This is bullcrap.
	This is not true.
	Well, it looks tasty to me.
	And they got a jingle, so how could it be wrong?
	Is Hillary's campaign manager a Monsanto guy?
	Yeah.
	She's a Monsanto product, actually.
	She's a hybrid.
	Black.
	Yeah.
	All right, everybody.
	Thank you very much for participating in our little program as we broadcast it twice a week, Sundays and Thursdays, available as a podcast.
	You can catch that anywhere you like.
	Tom Tato.
	Also, if you go to the show notes, sign up for the newsletter.
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	Make sure you click on the Enable DHT search.
	And continue to support the work here at The Best Podcast in the Universe.
	By spreading the words, spreading the CDs, hitting people in the mouth, and by supporting us at Dvorak.org slash NA. Here in FEMA Region 6, where we're about to legalize open carry.
	In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
	And from northern Silicon Valley, where I'm still contemplating the Tom Tato, I'm John C. Dvorak.
	We'll be back on Sunday with more of the best podcast in the universe right here on No Agenda.
	ISIS is a terrorist organization, an NGO.
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	Yeah!
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	Dvorak.org slash N-A Amen.

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