Switch to PureTalk and get 50% off your first month. Use promo code Walsh at checkout! https://bit.ly/42PmqaX Kelsea Ballerini and Gisele are both very recent examples of celebrities who ended their marriage selfishly.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| (gentle music) | |
| (gentle music) | |
| Marriage? | |
| Skip to the end. | |
| Who cares about things like vows and oaths and everything else? | |
| Man and wife! | |
| Say man and wife! | |
| You know, if your own immediate and uninterrupted happiness is the focal point of your marriage, it will fail. | |
| For our daily cancellation today, we must cancel a woman named Kelsey Ballerini. | |
| Who, I'm told, is a country star. | |
| I know nothing about her music, but I do know everything I need to know about her, personally, based on a conversation she recently had during an episode of a podcast called, Tell Me About It, with Jade Iovine. | |
| Now, the brief clip of this exchange, which we will play for you now, could be an extremely valuable tool, especially for young couples, young people in dating relationships. | |
| They ask me all the time how they can know if they've selected the right partner for marriage, right? | |
| That's the big question. | |
| Well, here's one way. | |
| This is a good litmus test. | |
| Sit your girlfriend down or your boyfriend down, play the following clip for them, and then ask if they agree with the attitudes and perspectives they hear in it. | |
| And if the answer is anything but, oh hell no, are you kidding me? | |
| Run. | |
| Don't walk, run in the other direction. | |
| And never look back. | |
| So with that set up, here it is. | |
| Team Girl Squad! | |
| Cheerleader! | |
| So-and-so! | |
| How did you know that it wasn't relationship anxiety or negative intrusive voices in your head and that it was actually, like, your heart speaking? | |
| That's a good question. | |
| I'm really, like, intuitive and in tune with myself and, like, my gut and my heart. | |
| The glitter wears off. | |
| That's what happens, you know? | |
| And then you just, you get into a phase where you just, you wait for it to come back, you know? | |
| And then sometimes it doesn't. | |
| It is such a disservice and a dishonoring of yourself. | |
| If you know something is not right, And you stay. | |
| I think when people hear about couples counseling, then they hear about a couple getting divorced, they're like, oh, it didn't work. | |
| But oftentimes that is actually couples counseling working. | |
| And I think what's so hard is having to break your own heart and someone else's in the process of saving yourself. | |
| Okay, so the glitter wore off after five years, and then Kelsey, patient woman that she is, waited around for hours, maybe even days, potentially a week, waiting to see if the magical marriage glitter would fall from the sky. | |
| But it didn't, and she doesn't want to be in a non-glittery marriage. | |
| Who would? | |
| Indeed, she says that it would be dishonoring and a disservice to herself If she were to honor her marriage vows and remain loyal to the man that she pledged her undying love and devotion to. | |
| But who cares about things like vows and oaths and everything else? | |
| I mean, think about the glitter. | |
| That's what matters. | |
| So she got up and left. | |
| Now here's the issue with the marital insights offered by Kelsey and Jade. | |
| What we heard in that clip is the very common and very wrong passive view of marriage and romance. | |
| It's the idea that your relationship with your spouse is fueled by some sort of mysterious emotional force, which is often incorrectly called love, and that as soon as your marriage runs out of this mystical fuel, All you can do is abandon it on the side of the road and hitch a ride with the next car that happens to drive by. | |
| This view is popular in our society because it removes all responsibility and all blame from the individual. | |
| Love is something that you fall into, right? | |
| And there's not much you can really do to cause the one or prevent the other. | |
| We chalk it up to irreconcilable differences. | |
| It's all just stuff that happens. | |
| Oops, I'm married. | |
| Oops, I'm having an affair. | |
| Oops, I'm divorced. | |
| Oops, I'm married again. | |
| Oops, I'm divorced again. | |
| Oops, I'm lonely and isolated and everyone I've ever known resents me. | |
| Oops, silly me. | |
| I'm so clumsy. | |
| But here's the reality. | |
| These were choices every step of the way. | |
| And the state which you find yourself in, falling in and out of, this is not love. | |
| Because real love is an act of will. | |
| It's a decision. | |
| It's a conscious activity. | |
| It's something that you do. | |
| It's something that you live. | |
| Okay? | |
| Love is chosen. | |
| And if it's protected and nurtured, it grows. | |
| Love is sacrifice. | |
| Love is effort. | |
| Love is everything St. | |
| Paul describes in 1 Corinthians. | |
| Love is dying to yourself. | |
| Love is many things, and none of them happen by accident. | |
| But most of all, it's a thing you do. | |
| It is an activity. | |
| So Kelsey, when she talks about the glitter, what she's really describing is the infatuation phase. | |
| But it's all she ever had with her husband, and once it died, rather than work towards a truly loving and self-sacrificial marriage, she just bailed. | |
| Of course, the other problem with this approach, aside from the fundamental misunderstanding about the nature and meaning of love, is that it's entirely self-centered. | |
| If your own immediate and uninterrupted happiness is the focal point of your marriage, it will fail. | |
| If the only thing you care about is your own happiness, you will never do anything worthwhile in your life. | |
| You will be a failure. | |
| You'll be a miserable failure for your entire life. | |
| You will live a pathetic, meaningless life, and you will die, and nobody will even remember that you existed. | |
| If you live, Entirely pursuing your own happiness and nothingness. | |
| It's not your spouse's job to make you happy every second of the day. | |
| There is no one on this earth who exists Scratch that. | |
| There is no one who exists in the entire universe and whose only job is to make you happy. | |
| That doesn't exist anywhere. | |
| And so it's not fair to put that burden on your spouse, especially since the sort of people who expect others to make them happy all the time are also the sorts of people who are never happy. | |
| Which means that you have given your spouse a literally impossible job that you will then blame them for failing to accomplish. | |
| And if it was just Kelsey Ballerini who had these misconceptions about marriage, it wouldn't even be worth addressing. | |
| But tragically, these misconceptions are shared by many in our culture, and it's why so many marriages fail, and so many others never even begin. | |
| And that's why it's still worth saying today. | |
| Unfortunately, Kelsey Ballerini is cancelled. | |
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| Gisele Bundchen, a supermodel and ex-wife of Tom Brady, is now speaking out publicly about her divorce from the former NFL star. | |
| Celebrities are very often shallow, self-absorbed, and stupid, and never does that become more apparent than when they are trying to publicly rationalize their failed marriages. | |
| Fox News has the story, quote, "Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen | |
| is breaking her silence about their divorce from former NFL superstar Tom Brady. | |
| The 42-year-old model said the split was the death of my dream, | |
| as she lost who was meant to be her partner for life." | |
| She lost him. | |
| Oh, she lost him, did she? | |
| What, did she let go of his hand at the mall? | |
| Did he wander off in the middle of the night? | |
| Lost him? | |
| No, she didn't lose him like you lose a pair of shoes. | |
| She chose to leave him. | |
| It was an active decision. | |
| I'm not sure to what extent it was a mutual decision. | |
| Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. | |
| But it's certain at least that she was an active participant in the divorce. | |
| She didn't lose anything. | |
| She gave up. | |
| They gave up. | |
| But don't tell her that. | |
| She likes to tell herself that this all happened on its own through forces Outside of her control. | |
| It's tough because you imagined your life was going to be a certain way and you did everything you could, you know? | |
| I believed in fairy tales when I was a kid. | |
| I think it's beautiful to believe in that. | |
| I'm so grateful I did. | |
| We wanted things together. | |
| As time goes by, we realize that we just wanted different things and now we have to make a choice. | |
| That doesn't mean you don't love this person. | |
| It just means that in order for you to be authentic and truly live that life that you want to live, you have to have someone who can meet you in the middle, right? | |
| It's a dance. | |
| It's a balance. | |
| When you love someone, you set them free to be who they are. | |
| And if you want to fly in the same direction, then that's amazing. | |
| Okay, let's clear up two things. | |
| First, if you leave your spouse, it absolutely does mean that you don't love him. | |
| The way that Giselle defines love, the way that our culture defines it generally, is essentially like this. | |
| A loving action is whatever action I happen to be taking at this moment. | |
| To love someone is to do whatever I want to do. | |
| And this is what she means when she says the word love. | |
| You keep using that word. | |
| I don't think it means what you think it means. | |
| Love is not merely a feeling, and even if it was merely a feeling, you clearly don't feel too great about somebody if you want to divorce them. | |
| A faithful marriage. | |
| And a divorce are both choices. | |
| They are options actively chosen. | |
| Giselle talks about marriage using passive language. | |
| We grow apart, time goes by, sometimes you end up going in different directions. | |
| It's like Tom and Giselle were two pieces of litter. | |
| A couple of empty plastic bottles floating in a puddle, randomly bumping into each other and then drifting off in opposite directions. | |
| Now, in any other situation, she is certain to speak highly and confidently of her own agency, her strength as a fierce and independent woman. | |
| But when it comes to making excuses for a failed marriage, suddenly she's a helpless flower being swept along by the forces of fate. | |
| Second, Giselle claims that her divorce was a necessary step in the pursuit of authenticity. | |
| Now, how would you detect your own inauthenticity or your own incongruence? | |
| She says that in order to be authentic and to live the life you want to live, sometimes you have to break your marriage vows and destroy your family. | |
| Oops! | |
| But this is not authenticity. | |
| Not in any meaningful way. | |
| If it is authentic, it's only because you are authentically following your most cowardly and self-serving and shallowest impulses. | |
| But there is a higher authenticity, right? | |
| There is an authenticity that we should actually strive towards. | |
| And that is the authenticity of a virtuous life, the authenticity of faithfulness and love and sacrifice, the authenticity of promises kept and vows upheld. | |
| True authenticity can be found in the pursuit of something greater than yourself, which is what marriage is all about, or what it's supposed to be. | |
| And that's what Gisele has abandoned. | |
| And that's why she is today, finally, cancelled. | |
| That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me. |