The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Tries (And Fails) To Play Call Of Duty
Aired: 2023-06-24
Duration: 08:20


=== Fancy Graphics and Real World (05:18) ===

[00:00:00]  Well, I don't know if you have heard about this, but something that's really popular these days with the kids are video games.
[00:00:06]  Die!
[00:00:08]  A lot of kids play the video games, and even more than that, apparently, kids will also sit and watch other people play video games on the internet.
[00:00:20]  How is it a f***ing game?! !
[00:00:23]  I want to judge you for that if you do that, but then again, I will sit and watch a YouTube video of somebody bass fishing for two and a half hours.
[00:00:31]  Look at Cody's face.
[00:00:32]  Show him the belly on that thing.
[00:00:33]  Give him a dang spanking, too.
[00:00:34]  He's been a little naughty today.
[00:00:36]  So I guess I can't really judge too much.
[00:00:38]  So today I'm going to play a video game and I guess offer my review of it or something.
[00:00:43]  Last video game system I owned was, and the last one I played, was Super Nintendo.
[00:00:49]  I was a big Super Mario Brothers fan.
[00:00:51]  Super Mario World, rather.
[00:00:53]  We're gonna give this a shot.
[00:00:54]  This is, um... What is this that I'm playing?
[00:00:57]  This is Call of Duty.
[00:00:58]  It's, uh, Call of Duty Modern Warfare.
[00:01:01]  Call of Duty Modern Warfare is what this is.
[00:01:04]  And we'll, uh... I've literally never played a game like this in my entire life.
[00:01:08]  But we will.
[00:01:08]  I don't even know how to start it.
[00:01:09]  They gave me the quick tutorial and I already forgot how to... How do I start it?
[00:01:12]  So you're gonna push the X button to begin the game.
[00:01:15]  Okay.
[00:01:17]  X. Alright, we're in London.
[00:01:22]  What's the mission?
[00:01:23]  Can I skip past all the... I don't care about the story.
[00:01:25]  I just want to get... I want to get into shooting people.
[00:01:27]  That's the main thing I'm into here.
[00:01:29]  It's only about a 20 second cutscene, and then you'll get to the action.
[00:01:33]  Okay, but I'm still bored.
[00:01:35]  Looks like we're on our own, lads.
[00:01:37]  We'll handle it.
[00:01:38]  Let's get it done, yeah?
[00:01:39]  Affirm.
[00:01:41]  Sergeant?
[00:01:41]  Yeah, these graphics are pretty impressive, I gotta say.
[00:01:43]  These are pretty fancy graphics.
[00:01:44]  What's up?
[00:01:44]  White van?
[00:01:46]  That is the level of review you're going to get from me.
[00:01:49]  These are some fancy graphics!
[00:01:51]  First of all, I'm not seeing any coins to collect.
[00:01:57]  Are there any mushrooms that will make me grow tall or help me fly?
[00:02:01]  Not in war.
[00:02:02]  How do I shoot?
[00:02:06]  You broke the rules of engagement, don't shoot first.
[00:02:08]  What?
[00:02:08]  What is the fun of a video game where you can't shoot first?
[00:02:11]  We're letting out our violent fantasies so we don't do it in real life, isn't that the whole point?
[00:02:16]  Oh god, I just stabbed a parking attendant.
[00:02:20]  Where's the button to turn myself in?
[00:02:23]  What's happening right now?
[00:02:27]  Oh sh**.
[00:02:30]  Okay.
[00:02:31]  Am I going the- wait, I just- oh.
[00:02:37]  Can I jump on them and make them disappear?
[00:02:40]  How do I jump?
[00:02:42]  X, the X button.
[00:02:46]  But if I jump that won't do anything.
[00:02:50]  Can I kick?
[00:02:52]  No.
[00:02:54]  How do I duck?
[00:02:55]  How do I duck?
[00:02:57]  What?
[00:02:59]  I don't know what's happening right now.
[00:03:03]  First of all, this is, can I just say something before we continue?
[00:03:06]  The graphics are impressive.
[00:03:07]  Very fancy, very real looking.
[00:03:10]  But isn't the whole, for me, going back to my childhood, playing Super Mario World.
[00:03:18]  You're in this cartoon, you're in basically someone else's LSD hallucination.
[00:03:23]  And I thought that was sort of the point.
[00:03:25]  So what's the, if I want to be in reality, then if I want to be in an environment that looks like a street, I'll just go out to the street.
[00:03:35]  Well, this looks almost like the real world.
[00:03:37]  Well, it's the real world's right here.
[00:03:39]  You know what?
[00:03:40]  I can just look away from the TV and look over here.
[00:03:42]  Whoa, those are good graphics.
[00:03:44]  So I don't know, there's almost too much realism for me.
[00:03:49]  You know, it's clear that the left is giving up their morals and any common sense.
[00:03:52]  There's no better time than to build a daily habit of prayer and meditation.
[00:03:56]  Building a habit of prayer can help you cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
[00:03:59]  Focusing on what you're thankful for can increase positive emotions and improve overall well-being.
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[00:04:07]  It's helped me maintain a daily prayer routine.
[00:04:09]  It can help you too.
[00:04:10]  Download the app for free at howlow.com slash Matt Walsh.
[00:04:13]  You can set prayer reminders and track your progress along the way.
[00:04:16]  Not sure where to start?
[00:04:17]  Well, check out Father Mike Schmitz's Bible in a Year podcast available on the app for a brief daily readings and reflections, or you can pray alongside Mark Wahlberg, Jim Caviezel, even some world-class athletes as well.
[00:04:27]  With Hallowed, you can customize a personal prayer plan that works for you.
[00:04:31]  Listen wherever you are with downloadable offline sessions.
[00:04:35]  Using Hallowed to connect with others who share your beliefs and values can provide a sense of belonging, support, and foster a sense of community as well.
[00:04:41]  Ultimately, we'll learn how we can become better individuals in spite of today's broken world as we strive to become more like Christ in our daily lives through prayer, fasting, and giving.
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[00:04:54]  That's three months absolutely free at hallo.com slash Matt Walsh.
[00:04:59]  Okay, how do I switch my weapon to get something a little bit more normal?

=== Firing and Surviving (03:17) ===

[00:05:03]  If you go over to a gun on the ground and push square.
[00:05:07]  A gun on the ground, okay.
[00:05:08]  Where's the gun on the ground?
[00:05:09]  Walk the opposite direction.
[00:05:10]  It's, it's, I'm turning around way too fast.
[00:05:12]  Oh, right there.
[00:05:16]  No, I wanted like a bazooka or something.
[00:05:17]  Do I have like a machine gun, or?
[00:05:18]  Let's get, let's get going here.
[00:05:19]  Let's start shooting some people.
[00:05:21]  Oh.
[00:05:23]  Got him, son of a ****.
[00:05:26]  So there's been a terrorist attack in London, and now we're going out to kill the terrorist.
[00:05:34]  My team has deserted me.
[00:05:35]  They're... You're walking away from the action.
[00:05:38]  Wait, how do I get back to...
[00:05:40]  I didn't... I wanted to go around the corner and cut off the bad guys on the other side.
[00:05:45]  This is big brain time.
[00:05:46]  Alright.
[00:05:50]  Well, maybe the civilians should get out of the freaking way.
[00:05:52]  What are you doing running through live fire, you morons?
[00:05:59]  Well, get down.
[00:06:00]  Get behind a car or something.
[00:06:02]  Get down.
[00:06:03]  I didn't even shoot that guy.
[00:06:06]  I didn't shoot him.
[00:06:10]  Okay, I did shoot that guy.
[00:06:14]  You know what?
[00:06:15]  This is their fault.
[00:06:16]  I'm just firing and... I got this guy.
[00:06:23]  That's your teammate.
[00:06:24]  Oh.
[00:06:25]  Wait, how do I get back to that?
[00:06:27]  Wait a second, I'm shooting this guy.
[00:06:33]  So, how am I doing so far?
[00:06:34]  Pretty poorly?
[00:06:36]  You're a good soldier if I've ever seen one.
[00:06:38]  I can tell you right now, I'm not a video game fan.
[00:06:43]  You know, somewhat infamously.
[00:06:45]  You know, there's kind of a story behind that, sort of a traumatic story, but this is actually my super villain origin story, because I wanted Nintendo 64 for Christmas.
[00:06:57]  And I was told by my parents, oh yeah, we'll get you a Nintendo for Christmas.
[00:07:00]  And so I was bragging about it.
[00:07:01]  Oh, I'm going to get N64 for Christmas.
[00:07:04]  And then Christmas comes and all my friends get N64.
[00:07:07]  And I got a Super Nintendo.
[00:07:09]  And then I went to school the next day, and everyone was talking about their N64s, and I don't want to be embarrassed, so I lied and said that I got N64 too, and they were asking me, oh, what kind of games did you play?
[00:07:18]  What kind of games?
[00:07:19]  Oh, you know, yeah, just the normal ones.
[00:07:22]  And it was this whole web of lies until finally it was exposed when some friends came over and saw that I only had a Super Nintendo.
[00:07:27]  Anyway, the point is, maybe that's the reason why I've always hated video games, and I don't play them now.
[00:07:33]  Or, it's possible I don't play them now because I'm, what do you call it, a grown-up.
[00:07:38]  I'm a grown-ass man.
[00:07:39]  And that's really the main thing.
[00:07:40]  Alright, I'll try it one more time.
[00:07:43]  What's the objective?
[00:07:44]  I kill the terrorists and then... Just to stay alive.
[00:07:47]  My objective now is just to survive for more than 30 seconds.
[00:07:50]  Alright, I feel pretty safe here.
[00:07:53]  Apparently not.
[00:07:55]  If I can find this plant here.
[00:07:56]  Oh!
[00:07:58]  Oh, he's right there.
[00:08:00]  I got him right in the crotch.
[00:08:02]  I don't get extra lives?
[00:08:03]  Isn't that a video game thing?
[00:08:04]  I'm just gonna keep going.
[00:08:08]  I'm charging into a line of fire.
[00:08:10]  I'm taking fire, but it's alright.
[00:08:13]  This is courage right now on my part.
[00:08:16]  Courageous soldier is a dead soldier, as they say.
[00:08:20]  And there I go.