Am I The A**hole? Matt Walsh Decides SBG Edition Part 3
See why hiring doesn’t have to be difficult — when you try ZipRecruiter for FREE: www.ziprecruiter.com/walsh
The Sweet Baby Gang needs to know. Who is the a-hole? Our Sweet Daddy decides.
Click here to join the member exclusive portion of my show: utm.io/ueSEm
- - -
DailyWire+:
Become a DailyWire+ member to gain access to movies, shows, documentaries, and more: bit.ly/3JR6n6d
Pre-order your Jeremy's Chocolate here: bit.ly/3EQeVag
Shop all Jeremy’s Razors products here: bit.ly/3xuFD43
Represent the Sweet Baby Gang by shopping my merch here: bit.ly/3EbNwyj
- - -
Socials:
Follow on Twitter: bit.ly/3Rv1VeF
Follow on Instagram: bit.ly/3KZC3oA
Follow on Facebook: bit.ly/3eBKjiA
Subscribe on YouTube: bit.ly/3RQp4rs
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
You know, typically we have gone to the Reddit forum to find their Am I the A-Hole quandaries, but I think it's a lot more fun to actually get ones from our audience so that I'm speaking to the A-Hole related, you know, moral dilemmas that you have in your own life.
So we got a few today.
Some of them are a little bit complicated.
We'll see what we can do.
Figure out who the A-Holes are.
This is from Cass.
It says, So I'm a college sophomore who rushed for a fraternity last fall at my SEC school, hoping to get into the same fraternity as two of my really good friends.
So I gotta stop you here, Cass.
And unfortunately, you're already the A-Hole because you started the sentence with, so.
That's one of my...
I was gonna say one of my major pet peeves.
Every pet peeve I have is a major one to me.
So that's a distinction that is not necessary.
You don't need to start with the so.
You jump right in.
I don't need... So, I'm a college sophomore.
I'm a college sophomore.
Get right into it.
You're sweating.
Relax.
Take a deep breath.
Okay.
I had rushed my freshman year unsuccessfully and it really hurt me pretty badly.
It took me a long time to get back on my feet.
I decided to try again because my friend said I had a shot.
They agreed to help me along the way.
After I rushed unsuccessfully again and was hurt again, I found out my friends knew that people were trashing me in a group chat.
If I knew, I probably wouldn't have hurt my pride again and risked embarrassing myself.
I got really mad at them and told them that they betrayed me and that our friendship could not go forward without changes.
Did I overreact?
Am I the a-hole?
So there's... I just began a sentence with so.
Now that I've said that, I have to watch myself for the rest of this segment.
More information is needed.
That's the problem here.
It's going to be hard to sort through this.
For one thing, you say that your friends knew that you were being trashed behind your back, obviously, in a group chat.
When you say trashed, what does that mean?
Does that mean that people were having a conversation and you entered into the conversation and people said some things that were critical?
The problem is that that happens to all of us.
Like, if you're a human being who exists physically in the world,
and you have relationships, and you know people, then you are going to enter into conversations when you're
not there.
And some of the things that are said about you, even by people who you think are close to you,
are not always going to be flattering.
That's the reality.
And sometimes it might be because, like, maybe you acted like a jerk today.
And so, after you're gone, people are like, "Oh, what was his deal?"
What a jerk.
That happens.
You can't really blame people for that.
There's a difference between that and people engaging in full-on gossip, where it's like a recreational pastime for them to tear you down.
They enjoy it, that sort of thing.
And if that's what's going on, then okay, that does qualify as they're trashing you behind your back.
Then the next question is, were your friends participating in that?
Now, you're upset that they didn't tell you about it, but it's not always necessarily the right thing for someone to tell you when other people are trashing you.
There are times when maybe you're not around and there's a conversation that's had about you.
It's not very flattering.
Someone who's close to you is aware of it or made aware of it or they overhear it.
It's not always the right thing for them to track you down and say, guess what people are saying about you.
What'd you say?
Because it sounded to me like you're talking s***.
That in itself is a form of gossip, and there might not be a lot you can do with the information, and it's just going to make you feel bad.
There's no reason you have to know.
So, but there are circumstances where you do need to know.
So there's all these things that I, that's what makes it hard to sort through.
If these friends were engaging in this trashing, they're taking part in it, taking delight in it, then they're not your friends at all.
And I wouldn't, there's no making changes to the friendship.
If you have the kinds of friends who enjoy cutting you down when you're not around, then they're not your friends.
Now, if they cut you down when you're there, then that just makes them good male friends.
In fact, I saw someone making this point, I think it was on Twitter yesterday, I thought it was a really good point, that this is like male friends, a real male friend is someone who makes fun of you to your face, but then roots for you behind your back.
They might not be comfortable telling you all their feelings to your face, but they want to see you do well and they're rooting for you.
But when you're with them, you guys just make fun of each other.
That's a guy thing.
You're so old, you make dust look like a baby.
But if they're cutting you down behind your back, then they're not friends at all.
So these are all, I don't know, I guess I need to say undecided on this one.
And I guess that's it.
I need more information.
From Thomas.
Good afternoon, all-knowing Sweet Daddy Walsh.
Would I be able to decline future family gatherings due to a pest problem?
This Christmas, me and my wife traveled to the town all of my close family live at.
Due to their economic hardships and conditions, there's only one house to actually hold a gathering.
While visiting, we noticed a roach problem.
They weren't everywhere, but they were not avoiding the light or people, which shows a major infestation.
Growing up, my family's house had the same issue with pests.
As an adult, I keep my house clean and tidy to avoid this.
I like visiting my family and seeing them, but I'll be honest that I was disgusted when I looked down and saw a roach next to my shoe.
My wife grew up on a farm, but she was also taken aback by how casual my family was with the problem.
Needless to say, we didn't eat dinner while there, so would I be able to decline unless the problem is fixed?
You're not the a-hole for not wanting to eat dinner at a house where there's a roach infestation.
You're not the a-hole at all.
I wouldn't be able to do that.
And I also would need to know... So you said this is their house.
I'm assuming this is like a single-family type arrangement.
If they're living in an apartment complex type of deal, then they could keep their part of the overall building spic and span, and yet there's still going to be roaches that make their way in because of all the other rooms.
And if the landlord isn't taking care of the building, it might not be their fault.
Now, if you live in a single-family type of home and you've got a major road problem, then yeah, it's because your house is filthy.
Filthy monsters!
I wouldn't give up on them, but it is the kind of thing that I would certainly bring up to them and say, look, I want to see you guys.
I'd love to eat dinner with you, but it's simply not sanitary.
Is there anything I can do to help?
If you're in a position where you could help them contribute to get a Get an exterminator out there.
Now it's the kind of thing that when you bring up to someone, it's like telling them they smell bad.
There's no way to bring it up that won't be offensive and they're going to be offended by it.
When you tell someone, hey your house is filthy and roach infested and it grosses me out, they're going to be offended by that.
Obviously you're not going to put it quite that bluntly, but that is the message.
But it is something that needs to be brought up because it's not sanitary for them.
So no, you're not the a-hole.
Hiring used to be really hard.
You'd post your job on multiple sites, you'd hope the right people would see it, and then you'd wait for them to apply.
It's similar to when you're applying for jobs.
You search countless places to find a company that fits best with your skills and experience.
Well now, there's a place you can go that makes hiring faster and easier.
Zip recruiting.
Head to ZipRecruiter.com slash Walsh and try it for free.
ZipRecruiter's matching technology excels at finding the most qualified candidates for a wide range of roles.
See a candidate you like?
Well, you can easily send them a personal invite so they're more likely to apply.
It also gives you a competitive edge against other employers who may also be interested in that candidate.
Their user-friendly dashboard makes it easy to filter, review, and rate your candidates all from one place.
See how much easier hiring is with ZipRecruiter.
Four out of five employers post on ZipRecruiter to get a quality candidate within the first day.
See for yourself.
Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash Walsh to try ZipRecruiter for free.
Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash W-A-L-S-H.
ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.
From Joey says, Dear Matt, am I the a-hole?
My parents divorced in late 2018 and in May of 2019, my mother passed away.
Growing up, my dad expressed his anger with insults and put-downs, along with screaming towards us, but especially my mother.
After her death, he continues to talk negatively about her, the way she raises us and her family.
He even pulls my friends and recently my wife aside and talks to them about how He thinks my mother was a bad parent.
It hurts my very being.
I've told him before several times to stop, but he defends his actions, starts yelling, and hangs up.
I've decided not to talk to him until he apologizes and promises to stop.
I feel I'm not honoring my father the way God would want.
For context, my wife and I are Catholic.
My dad is non-practicing.
I don't hate him for the unpleasant childhood.
I'm over it.
But it's hard to put up with the verbal jabs at my deceased mother or him talking about her to my friends and family.
I'm not sure if my decision to wait for an apology is childish or respectful towards my late mother.
Am I the a-hole?
No, you're not the a-hole at all.
Your dad sounds like a grade-A a-hole himself.
You don't owe him anything at this point.
Yeah, we should honor our mother and father as it says in the Ten Commandments, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have any basic respect for yourself.
You also need to honor your wife.
Okay, that's your first job now as a married man, is to honor your wife before anyone.
Putting her in a position where, you know, she has to endure this is not okay.
Like this is what I say all the time about parents, you know, they, they, and I know this now as a parent of six, that it's your job as a parent to develop a close bond and relationship with your children.
That is your job.
The onus when your kids are children and they're living in your house, the onus is on you a hundred percent.
And if your kids leave and, uh, and they become adults and they don't want to have a lot to do with you, it's probably because you didn't do the job of cementing that relationship in childhood.
And that is your fault.
That doesn't mean that they should disown you and never talk to you again, but it does mean that you're probably never going to have, as a parent, a really close relationship even with your adult children because you didn't, as the left says, you didn't do the work when you needed to as kids.
And now you're interested.
Now you want the relationship.
Because they're not kids anymore, and you don't have to take care of them, and you only see them in small doses, and so it's a lot easier.
And you want the fun stuff.
You didn't want to do the hard work, now you want the fun stuff.
It doesn't work that way.
And so that's my message to, you know, if you're in a position as the adult child now, you don't owe this.
Like, he didn't do anything to establish a relationship with you.
He went the other way.
He was abusive and angry and shouting all the time.
And now he's cutting down your mom and he's just being a miserable person.
You don't owe him.
You don't owe him your time.
You don't owe him your affection.
You don't owe him that.
So, no, you're not the owl.
Let's see.
This is from Justin, says, I'm 47, but I've always argued I was in the right on this incident back when I was in high school.
For some reason, when I was a junior or senior, my mother thought it'd be funny to tickle my feet to get me up in the morning.
What?
This was an extremely torturous experience, but I endured it every morning as my mother smiled and laughed at me while performing this daily ritual while I struggled to drag myself out of an adolescent slumber.
This went on for five to six months, making mornings the most dreadful part of the day.
And then one day it happened.
I could not take it anymore.
I snapped and shouted, knock it the F off.
My mother expectantly started slapping me in the head, screaming at me in horror for what I did.
That's a wonderful way to start the day.
But I took it gleefully, knowing that I finally said what was brewing in my soul for months.
Some say that I should have had more respect for my mom, but I endured this as long as I could.
For before, I could not take the torture anymore, so in my mind, I was justified.
So I ask, is it me?
Look, yeah, you are the a-hole, because we were just talking about honoring your mother and father, and you don't cuss out your mom.
Period.
End of story.
So, you don't do that.
So, you are the A-hole for that.
On the other hand, she does carry some of the A-hole weight here, because I can't... Waking up to someone tickling your feet every morning for months, like, that would actually drive you.
So, I'm sympathetic.
I can see how that would drive you actually insane.
So I understand the frustration.
I don't understand her behavior.
Six straight months of tickling.
Why would you want to touch anyone's feet to begin with?
I like feet.
I do not know why.
Six straight months of that.
I don't get it.
But you don't cuss at your mom.
You don't do it.
Finally from Haley, so for Christmas I got my family a trip to a cabin about two hours away for one night.
We have four kids ages 9 to 2.
As we slept there, there was a big snowstorm that came in and 17 inches of snow was now in the parking lot.
I told my husband we should have brought his car which has four-wheel drive and my minivan does not, but we brought my minivan.
After two hours of, well, let me stop you there.
That's not a helpful I don't even know where you're going here.
That's not a helpful thing to say in that situation, okay?
You don't need, after the fact, now after the fact, to say, well, we should have brought the four-wheel drive.
Yeah, but that's not helping anybody right now.
Like, we're all in the same situation.
I don't need you, after the fact, telling me what we should have done.
Like, it's my fault, okay?
This is probably what your husband's thinking.
Anyway, after two hours of trying to get out of the parking lot, the resort people plowed an area and a bunch of guys came to push our car.
My husband was also pushing.
The road above the parking lot wasn't plowed either.
There's a little hill to get out of the parking lot, and as I made it, finally, my husband yelled, don't stop, keep going.
So I listened.
I kept going and going.
We had some friends who were not far in front of me, so I called them to pick him up.
And I kept driving for about 30 minutes.
with his cell phone in my car.
My friends called me like 15 minutes later to say they couldn't find him.
So they went back to the road driving my way.
After a while, they found him still running after my car.
He ran about three miles with snow clothes on in a blizzard.
I felt so bad, but he said, "Don't stop."
Apparently he meant don't stop until you get up the hill, but that's not what he said.
Oh, wow.
Who are you, like Amelia Bedelia?
He said, don't stop, and you thought, like, just drive all the way to Mexico?
Look, he's not in a position where he can give exact instructions when you're driving and he's shouting something.
I don't think he can get very specific.
Who's the a-hole here?
We've had some complicated issues today.
We've had some issues where we needed more information.
On this one, I think we'll make it very simple.
That you are, you are the a-hole on this one.
You left your husband to run three, he's running after you for three miles in a blizzard.
I'm coming!
What did you think he was gonna, you had his phone!
What did you think he was gonna do?
Oh man, I feel bad for this guy.
He pushed you out.
He's out there, he's digging out, he's pushing you out of the car, and you thank him by just by leaving him and fleeing the state.
My god.
I don't think A-hole even quite covers it.
But hopefully your marriage can be repaired after that incident.
And look, I'm sure you already know this, but This is something he's going to have on you for the rest of your marriage.
He's going to be able to bring this up.
I'm not saying that's the most mature way to handle a marriage, but look, we all have those things.
Like, there are times, you know, in a marriage you should never bring up past faults, but there are also times in a marriage when you do something and you know, okay, that's coming up again, and I probably will deserve it.
