The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Reacts To Cringy New Years Resolutions TikToks
Aired: 2022-12-30
Duration: 10:28


=== New Year's Resolutions Fallacy (10:28) ===

[00:00:00]  Well, the New Year's coming up.
[00:00:02]  It's a time for New Year's resolutions, I suppose.
[00:00:09]  I'm not big on New Year's resolutions, because New Year's resolutions, they don't exist for the new year.
[00:00:13]  Let's be real about it.
[00:00:15]  They exist for all the months leading up to the new year as an excuse for you to not make changes right away.
[00:00:23]  The new year becomes sort of a receptacle for all of the commitments that you don't want to make right away, because if you're serious about making a change, you're just going to start doing it, no matter what it is.
[00:00:34]  Like, if you say, I want to start dieting at the New Year, if you're actually going to diet in the New Year, you would just start right away.
[00:00:39]  If you're serious about it, you would just, that moment, start doing whatever it is.
[00:00:42]  As Nike, one of the most insightful corporate mottos of all time, just do it.
[00:00:47]  This video is not sponsored by Nike.
[00:00:49]  So that's how I feel about New Year's resolutions, but they feel differently over on TikTok.
[00:00:52]  And over on TikTok, there are a bunch of people posting their New Year's resolutions.
[00:00:55]  So we're going to go through and watch those and make fun of them.
[00:00:59]  New Year's Eve is coming up, and I just want to say, don't kiss no men.
[00:01:03]  It's New Year's Eve, not New Year's Steve, bitch.
[00:01:06]  Turn lesbian.
[00:01:07]  This is the time.
[00:01:08]  That's actually kind of funny.
[00:01:09]  New Year's Eve, not New Year's Steve.
[00:01:12]  It doesn't make any sense, obviously, but making sense is not the bar that I'm going to set for a TikTok video because it's not fair to them.
[00:01:18]  I'm disappointed in the horrible homophobia in this video because I've been reliably informed by LGBT activists that nobody can choose their sexuality.
[00:01:26]  So you can't turn lesbian.
[00:01:29]  That's far-right propaganda, actually.
[00:01:31]  It's very dangerous.
[00:01:32]  You cannot change your sexuality unless Of course, you're, let's say, a heterosexual man who turns into a woman, but is still attracted to women, in which case, that's really the only way to turn into a lesbian, I guess.
[00:01:47]  You have to be a man first, and that's how you can turn into a lesbian.
[00:01:49]  So you can't change your sexuality, but you can change your gender, which in turn changes your sexuality.
[00:01:57]  That's what we're told.
[00:01:58]  Don't expect any New Year's resolutions from me.
[00:02:02]  I intend on staying the same snarky, sarcastic, foul-mouthed b**** you've all come to love.
[00:02:11]  Nobody does love you.
[00:02:11]  That's why you're...
[00:02:13]  Like this.
[00:02:14]  I mean, this is the ultimate female cope, is what you just saw there.
[00:02:17]  Nobody likes you.
[00:02:19]  Nobody wants to be around you.
[00:02:21]  You're lonely and alone.
[00:02:23]  And so you decide to embrace that as your personality.
[00:02:27]  I'm a snarky b****, you know?
[00:02:28]  This is default.
[00:02:29]  Like, you dye your hair purple and just decide to play it off like you meant to be this incredibly off-putting and unpleasant.
[00:02:37]  So it's kind of the...
[00:02:39]  Chicken or egg sort of philosophical conundrum in some ways, I suppose.
[00:02:44]  Did you start off being this way, and then nobody liked you, and so then you decide, I think that's really what it is.
[00:02:51]  That's what all purple hair is, by the way.
[00:02:53]  It is an attempt to turn unpleasantness into a personality.
[00:02:56]  Anytime you see someone with purple hair, that's what they're doing.
[00:02:59]  That's what the game is.
[00:03:00]  Ooh, this is a good question.
[00:03:02]  Here are my 2023 resolutions.
[00:03:06]  Comment your resolutions, the ones that you're comfortable sharing.
[00:03:09]  in the comments section.
[00:03:11]  First, I definitely want to get back to parts of me pre-panny.
[00:03:19]  You know, 2020 happened.
[00:03:20]  A lot happened.
[00:03:22]  All of our lives have been significantly changed because of it.
[00:03:28]  But you know, there were parts of my life pre-panny.
[00:03:30]  I just want to kind of recapture the essence of my life back then.
[00:03:35]  What am I talking about?
[00:03:37]  Okay, I gotta cut it off right there.
[00:03:38]  I can't even watch this anymore.
[00:03:39]  Did she just call the pandemic a panny?
[00:03:41]  Am I reading that correctly?
[00:03:45]  Pre-panny is what we're calling the pandemic now.
[00:03:47]  The pandemic was a panny.
[00:03:49]  So we have a cutesy nickname for a pandemic now.
[00:03:53]  Something tells me that this is new.
[00:03:54]  I don't think they did that like in the Black Plague.
[00:03:57]  They didn't call it the Black... It's the Black Panny.
[00:04:00]  Two-thirds of Europe has died in the panny.
[00:04:02]  Here's the New Year's resolution.
[00:04:03]  It's not that hard to use an entire word.
[00:04:07]  And I know pandemic, you know, that's a multi-syllabic word, and especially in the internet age, people find that very daunting.
[00:04:15]  But it actually doesn't take that much more time.
[00:04:18]  So how much time does it take to say the word panny versus pandemic?
[00:04:21]  It's like an extra millisecond you're tacking on.
[00:04:25]  And in the process, you don't have to sacrifice your dignity and sound like a clown.
[00:04:30]  So I think it's worth the commitment.
[00:04:32]  So I don't even know what her New Year's resolution is because we just skipped over it.
[00:04:35]  We'll keep going.
[00:04:36]  Y'all better not be doing any New Year's Resolutions in January.
[00:04:40]  European society got you thinking that you can make New Year's Resolutions in the middle of winter.
[00:04:46]  They got you thinking that you should start new things when nature is still hibernating.
[00:04:51]  This is not the time to manifest new things.
[00:04:54]  And that's why most of y'all will not succeed in your New Year's Resolutions.
[00:04:59]  Mimic nature.
[00:05:00]  This is a time to drop your leaves.
[00:05:04]  Shed old old things, hibernate, reflect, keep your ass inside,
[00:05:09]  journal, meditate, and keep dropping those old habits that no longer suit you.
[00:05:14]  And when spring comes around and nature starts waking up, then you manifest something.
[00:05:20]  And watch how everything will come to fruition.
[00:05:23]  So follow me for more tips if you want to tap back into nature.
[00:05:27]  What if I have a job though?
[00:05:29]  That's the one problem.
[00:05:31]  Just stay inside all winter.
[00:05:33]  Yeah, I mean, if you're living in your parents' house, then I suppose you could do that.
[00:05:38]  Speaking of, like, turning things into personalities and just going with it.
[00:05:42]  So, you know, you get the unpleasant women, put the purple hair on, it's like, well, this is my personality now.
[00:05:46]  And then there's this, too.
[00:05:47]  Someone who's just a loser, doesn't have a job.
[00:05:50]  And is living at their parents' house and then decides to wear a bunch of jewelry and a turban or whatever that is and then say, I'm enlightened.
[00:05:57]  I'm going to repackage myself as enlightened and above it all.
[00:06:02]  No, it's just you don't have a job.
[00:06:03]  That's what it is.
[00:06:05]  Although I do kind of like this idea.
[00:06:07]  I mean, there's something to it.
[00:06:08]  I'm going to start using this with my wife when she tells me like, oh, we need to clean out the garage this weekend.
[00:06:14]  I can say, no, sorry, it's winter.
[00:06:16]  I don't manifest new things in the winter, okay?
[00:06:18]  I can't manifest a new, a clean garage right now.
[00:06:21]  Get back to me in the springtime.
[00:06:23]  Nature is hibernating right now.
[00:06:25]  No, nature is not, like, there's still nature.
[00:06:28]  You do understand that, right?
[00:06:30]  It's, it's, that's, nature itself doesn't go away.
[00:06:34]  Nature just, you walk outside and that's, it's all nature.
[00:06:37]  Have we even heard one real resolution?
[00:06:41]  So I've decided for 2023, I'm just going to keep getting hotter and weirder.
[00:06:49]  That's my resolution too, I have to say.
[00:06:50]  But I will say in your case, the makeup seems to be, so you want to get hotter and weirder.
[00:06:55]  The makeup seems to be helping with the weirder resolution, but it's not doing much for the hotter resolution.
[00:07:01]  But this is just me.
[00:07:02]  [Sigh]
[00:07:09]  Okay, you know what?
[00:07:12]  I just wanted something easy, like eat my vegetables.
[00:07:15]  This, um, why?
[00:07:16]  You know, she's actually right.
[00:07:18]  You know, love yourself is, uh, that's a difficult resolution to manifest, as the other guy would say.
[00:07:25]  It's actually a horrible resolution.
[00:07:27]  It's basically impossible.
[00:07:29]  Like, you can't decide that my New Year's resolution is I'm gonna love myself more.
[00:07:33]  You can sit around all day, Thinking about yourself and thinking about how you feel about yourself, and it just becomes this self-cannibalizing cycle where you're circling around the drain.
[00:07:43]  And you could do that, but you're not going to be able to conjure this love for yourself that you're trying to, which is why it would be a really bad way to go into the new year.
[00:07:53]  Loving yourself, I'm not saying that you shouldn't love yourself.
[00:07:58]  We are all made in the image of God, and so we are God's creation.
[00:08:04]  And so for that reason, we should love ourselves.
[00:08:08]  We should even, we should accept ourselves.
[00:08:10]  That's true.
[00:08:11]  Think of it more of as a byproduct of a healthy life.
[00:08:15]  You're living a healthy life.
[00:08:17]  You will also love yourself, but not in this self-obsessive way.
[00:08:20]  It's more like you're just, you're fulfilling your responsibilities.
[00:08:23]  You're doing your duty.
[00:08:24]  You're living a healthy life.
[00:08:27]  And then one day you look back and you realize, oh, I feel good about myself.
[00:08:30]  I love myself.
[00:08:31]  It's a byproduct.
[00:08:32]  It's just something that comes along with the territory of doing the things that you're supposed to do.
[00:08:38]  So focus on those things rather than, because what people do these days is they do it the other way around.
[00:08:42]  They sit around thinking, well, I need to feel better before I can do anything.
[00:08:46]  Before I can do anything constructive and have a healthy life, I need to feel better about myself first.
[00:08:52]  And then once I feel better about myself, then I can start doing all of the healthy things.
[00:08:55]  But there's no reason for you to feel better about yourself because you're not doing anything that will create those feelings.
[00:09:01]  You see, that's the problem.
[00:09:03]  Hi, this is for my gaybie friends.
[00:09:05]  But if you're not a gaybie, you're more than welcome to stay.
[00:09:07]  We're inclusive here.
[00:09:08]  I'm sitting here in my closet thinking of you and knowing that some of you might be setting a resolution to come out this year.
[00:09:14]  Would it make it easier if you had someone to practice with?
[00:09:16]  I'm happy to be your practice person.
[00:09:18]  I'll go live at 2 o'clock Central Time on New Year's Day if you want to practice coming out to me.
[00:09:24]  I'm here, and I welcome you.
[00:09:26]  If you want to ask me anything else, you can do that too.
[00:09:28]  See you on New Year's!
[00:09:30]  I don't know exactly what's going on here.
[00:09:31]  This is an old woman in a closet talking to her gaybies and offering to let them practice coming out to her.
[00:09:39]  This is...
[00:09:41]  Imagine this is your grandmother.
[00:09:42]  Where's grandma?
[00:09:43]  Oh, she's in the closet shooting another TikTok video.
[00:09:47]  I guess this is the new version of a guy in a van offering free candy.
[00:09:50]  This is some of the least subtle grooming I've ever seen.
[00:09:55]  You know what?
[00:09:56]  As far as coming out as your New Year's resolution goes, I've got a different idea, very similar to what we said before.
[00:10:03]  How about this?
[00:10:03]  Here's a good resolution, especially for people on TikTok.
[00:10:07]  Stop talking about your sexuality.
[00:10:11]  Stop obsessing over it.
[00:10:12]  Stop making it your whole essence and personality.
[00:10:16]  Try to formulate some kind of existence outside of that.
[00:10:19]  You know what?
[00:10:20]  Actually, stop thinking about yourself in general to the extent that you can.
[00:10:25]  And go out and live your life.
[00:10:27]  Tamp down the narcissism.