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Oct. 22, 2022 - The Matt Walsh Show

09:56

Who's The Biggest A-Hole? Episode 1

Who is the biggest A-hole? Matt Walsh decides between three reddit users who took to the subreddit Am I The A**hole. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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	[MUSIC]
	Am I the a-hole for forcing my son to call me mom?
	That's it.
	Oh, here's a good one.
	Okay.
	This is a meaty one.
	When my husband and I wanted a child, we decided to pursue surrogacy instead of a traditional pregnancy.
	It was a hard decision that took a lot of late night talks and fighting because he wanted to be involved in the pregnancy and everything, but I was terrified of PPD, postpartum depression, the postpartum body, and all the morning sickness that came with it.
	Finally, we went through an agency to find a suitable gestational carrier, otherwise known as a human being.
	I'd like to think we were pretty involved throughout the pregnancy process and we somewhat befriended the carrier.
	Nowadays, we're not closed by any means, but we send each other birthday and holiday wishes and such.
	Tuesday, my son found out about the surrogacy.
	It wasn't really a secret by any means, but the topic just never came up.
	He was talking about how he learned about it in biology and how he thought it was weird.
	I told him, no, it's completely normal, and that he came from a surrogate.
	I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, but for the next few days he started pestering me about the details of who the surrogate was and why I went through with it.
	Well, I told him my reasons and he took from the conversation that I was too lazy to have him myself.
	Yes.
	He's now insisting that I'm not his mom.
	My husband told me that it's just a phase that's probably because our son's a little raw from an unrelated argument we had earlier this month.
	However, I'm honestly really hurt and disrespected that he doesn't think of me as his mom.
	When I tried to have a discussion about it, he escalated after, and now only calls me by my real name instead of mom.
	His argument in that is that it's his choice to decide who he wants to call his parents.
	I kind of like this kid, I gotta be honest with you.
	No, I mean, you're not an a-hole for forcing your son to call you mom.
	But you are the a-hole for choosing surrogacy in the first place, so that's where you went wrong.
	But you're an a**hole!
	You rented out a womb like you're renting a room.
	You know, you treated another person's body like an Airbnb.
	And yeah, they volunteered for it.
	I mean, they like sold their body to you, literally.
	I mean, they sold their womb to you because you didn't want to deal with the physical changes that come with motherhood.
	You're right.
	Your son was exactly correct, in fact.
	You shouldn't talk to his mom that way.
	But he's right that you were just too lazy to carry the child yourself.
	Now you're reaping some of the consequences of that.
	Your child doesn't feel connected to you in the same way because he's not.
	Now this is different from something like adoption, where you're giving up comfort for the sake of the child.
	You're bringing the child into your family.
	But surrogacy is the opposite.
	Because rather than being born from sacrifice, it comes from an unwillingness to make a sacrifice.
	So, I think it's a horrific practice, honestly.
	And dehumanizing.
	Even the way you refer to this, the carrier.
	We befriended the carrier.
	It's terrible and you're they-hole.
	[Music]
	Let's see.
	My daughter came out as transgender a few years ago, and for her birthday this year, we legally changed her first name to a feminine name of her choosing.
	My wife and I have always supported her and her transition, but my daughter seemed disappointed that her surname wasn't also changed.
	I am Icelandic-American.
	If you don't know, surnames are quite different than in other countries.
	One's surname is their father's first name and a suffix related to their gender.
	The son of Jokul would be Jokulson and the daughter of Jokul would be Jokuldóttir.
	When my American wife and I married, she took my last name per American custom and gave that same masculine surname to our daughter when she was born.
	All of us have the same masculine last name.
	My daughter wishes to change her surname to Jokuldóttir in order to align with her gender expression as well as Icelandic naming customs.
	I hadn't considered this for her as we live in the United States and use the local customs.
	My wife and I are on the fence about changing her legal name again, as processes like this are very expensive and time-consuming.
	I told her that her mother and I would be more than happy to help with the paperwork if she paid for the processing.
	Our daughter doesn't accept our reasoning and claims that we're only contributing to her existing dysphoria by not going through the process again.
	So, am I the a**hole for making my transgender daughter pay for her own surname change?
	No.
	Absolutely not.
	You are not the a**hole for that.
	You are the a**hole for everything else in this story.
	What an a**hole!
	Starting with the fact that you were supportive of your son pretending to be a girl.
	So your son, and did you say how old your son is?
	Oh, 17.
	Okay.
	Your son has two problems here, and this is your son we're dealing with.
	Your son is a self-entitled narcissist.
	Demanding.
	You have to pay for everything or my dysphoria is going to be worse.
	This is emotional blackmail.
	And this is in gender ideology.
	It's very common.
	This is one of, you know, the propagandists that that that foist this stuff on kids.
	They encourage this kind of emotional blackmail.
	Oh, to get everything you want, just tell your loved ones that, you know, you're going to that you're going to have dysphoria and you'll be in emotional pain if they don't do literally everything you want.
	So this is self-entitled narcissism, and it's also a certain element of sincere confusion as well.
	And you as the parent, as the adult, you're supposed to be a voice of reason.
	You're supposed to be a clarifying presence.
	And by supporting your son in his delusions, his narcissism, his confusion,
	you are dooming him to a life of despair. And that's what makes you an a**hole.
	Am I the a**hole for wanting my son to get along with my boyfriend?
	Sean is my 13-year-old child and I am a single mother.
	Connor, my current boyfriend, of course his name is Connor.
	And I have been together for two years.
	Sean has disliked Conor for as long as you can remember.
	He would go upstairs and ignore Conor whenever he came to my place, even though I let Conor drop Sean off at school.
	Sean has never once expressed appreciation or bonded with Conor.
	Conor pretended to be unconcerned by his actions, but I could tell he was hurt by all of it.
	I asked him why he despised Conor so much.
	He gave a list of various reasons, some of which I seriously doubt.
	To begin with, he claims that when Conor dropped him off at school a couple of times, He made derogatory remarks about his Asian friends, calling him a little Kung Pao chicken, etc.
	It's not funny.
	Sean mentioned the time Connor didn't give his guinea pig water.
	And when he and I were at the beach a year ago, he was house sitting for three days.
	Sean also mentioned how Connor advised him to man up in a number of circumstances.
	I basically told him straight up that I don't believe anything he's saying.
	I confronted Connor after that and he denied all of it.
	So because Sean lied, I took away his gaming consoles as punishment.
	I also lectured him about abusing Connor, who might be his new stepdad one day.
	Sean told his father, my ex, what had happened.
	Now my ex is cursing at me for being unfair towards my son.
	Am I the a-hole?
	Okay.
	Yeah, you're the a-hole.
	Look, I don't know your situation.
	I don't know why you aren't married to Sean's dad.
	But what I do know is that what Sean wants, what all kids want, is for their parents to live together in the same house and have a real intact family.
	Like, they're real parents, both of them.
	Like, that's what Sean wants.
	That's what your kid wants.
	And like, if you can't handle that, grow the hell up.
	And if they can't have that for whatever reason, you can't blame them for being upset.
	Or for not being especially fond of the runner-up prize.
	Hey Sean, your dad and I, you know, you can't have a real dad, but here's Connor.
	Why don't you settle on that instead?
	And besides, he's just your boyfriend.
	So Sean doesn't know if this guy will be actually a permanent fixture in your life.
	Have you thought about that?
	How many, let me ask you, how many boyfriends have you had since the father of your child?
	I'm guessing more than one.
	So how many times has Sean been expected to develop a father-son relationship with the new guy in your life who just ends up getting, you know, ends up out of the picture in a year or two anyway?
	You might have your hands full once I pick up the controller.
	Have you ever thought about the fact that there's this continual effect of abandonment that your son is going through?
	And so now he's putting up defenses against that because he's tired of being abandoned by one man after another?
	Whether it's the man's fault or yours or a combination, probably a combination.
	Have you thought about that?
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