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Sept. 5, 2022 - The Matt Walsh Show
14:14
Matt Walsh Reacts To TikTok Marriage Advice

Matt Walsh reacts to horrible marriage advice from TikTok. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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(choral music)
So for everybody's favorite communist holiday, Labor Day, we thought we'd come outside and do a little cookout again
with our favorite company, Good Ranchers, who have supplied all the food.
And we're also, we've returned to my roots in my old studio here behind, in front of the sheet.
Now that we're here, actually, I'm not exactly sure why we have the sheet here.
It doesn't make a lot of sense, but we have it.
So we're just going to roll with it.
And, you know, as we tend to do, as any good dad, as I'm flipping burgers here, we're going to, I'm going to give a little bit of advice based on the TikTok marriage advice that's out there.
So it's really gonna be more of a corrective.
We'll watch some of those videos, I'll tell you why they're wrong, and then I'll tell you what the actual good advice is.
So let's go.
Let's get started.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
What is the best age to get married?
It's not in your 20s.
It's a better idea for you to get married in your 30s.
Because you've gone through all the changes and you are more settled.
You come into your own in your 30s.
And I think that's a very good time to get married.
I got married when I was 30 and I'm married for 41 years now.
Alright, so that's relationship advice from a divorce lawyer so that we know we're already on the wrong foot here like taking relationship advice from a divorce lawyer it's like uh i don't know taking advice from a shark on where the best swimming spots are there's a there's a real conflict of interest there and so she says we should wait till you're in your 30s to get married and she knows because she is very good at she's very good at breaking up marriages helping marriages dissolve and so we're supposed to take her advice now look
You can get married at any time in your adult life and potentially have a successful marriage.
There are people who get married in their 60s and, you know, it's death until we part.
Now, that way it's kind of easier, actually, when you get married very late because you don't have very long until your death.
And so you can have that success in that sense.
Kind of running out the clock, I guess.
But in general, like, what should we advise people to do as a general policy?
We should obviously advise them to get married younger.
And there are a couple reasons for that.
One reason is that biology exists, okay, despite what we hear from the left.
Biology is a real phenomena.
And what that means is that our biological clocks are ticking, especially for women.
So if you wait until you're mid-30s to get married, it might be too late to have a family.
My wife is married with our number 5 and 6 right now, okay?
And, uh, because we like to do, we like to double up when we have kids.
And they're already telling you she's 35.
They told her this technically counts as a geriatric pregnancy at the age of 35.
That's real.
So she's like, that's what it is.
So you're going to wait until you're in geriatric pregnancy mode to get married to begin with?
Doesn't make a lot of sense.
And also the other point, Is that if you get married younger, then you're building a life with someone rather than building your adult life first and then trying to inject somebody else into it.
And that can cause problems because then you feel like, well, this is mine.
This is my life.
And you feel like they're intruding on it.
There's real value in starting young and like being on the ground floor together as you build your life together.
So that's terrible advice.
Let's check out the next one.
This has completely changed our relationship.
So at the beginning of every month, you write down new ways that you can love your person.
Either things you can do for them, or things you can do with them.
And you cut up the pieces of paper, you fold it, and you put it in something to pull from.
And then every morning, you both choose one piece of paper, and find time just to do that one thing.
It forces you to be intentional, and it works.
Do it.
Is it other than Eric?
No, it's a lesbian.
It's a lesbian thing.
Alright.
We're doing a cookout in the parking lot and there's someone loading a truck behind us.
I don't know if you can hear that, but anyway.
So what we hear from that relationship advice is that you want to write little cute things you're going to do for each other and put it on a slip of paper and then put it into a hat and pick it out of the hat at the beginning of the day.
This is what happens when you get relationship advice from someone who's never like been in a relationship.
That's the kind of idea, it's like if you're 16 years old, that's the kind of idea your girlfriend might have.
And it's just, it's in reality, like living your everyday life, you're not gonna stick, first of all, you're not gonna stick to a plan like that.
If my wife came to me and said, oh, we're going to write our goals for each other on slips of paper, and we're going to pick it out of a... What?
I'm not going to do that.
What the hell are you talking about?
We have kids to deal with.
We don't have time for this.
Also, if you can think of good ways to act towards your spouse, Just do that.
Don't write it on paper.
How does that work?
It's like if your wife comes to you and says, oh, I want you to listen more to me.
You're not listening enough.
And then I say, oh, sorry.
It wasn't on the slip of paper today.
I didn't pull it out.
That's why I can't do that one.
If you have good ideas of how you're supposed to treat your spouse, just enact it right away.
Start living that.
Don't try to turn it into a cute little game.
More terrible advice.
What else do we got?
My husband and I recently changed something in our communication, and let me tell you, it has changed everything.
Our new house rule is every time that you have some constructive criticism for the other person, you have to lead with two positive reinforcing comments.
One has to be physical, and one has to be mental.
For example, the other day, my husband decided that he didn't like the way I dried off our cutting knives.
So instead of just coming to me after a long day of being a mom and abruptly telling me that he needs me to dry off the knives better, he started with the two compliment rule.
He said, Hannah, I can tell that you have been working really hard as a mom this week and that does not go unnoticed.
And then he told me that my butt looked cute in my jeans.
Do you think that you could maybe do a little bit of a better job drying off these cutting knives?
In the end, this small change in our communication has drastically changed the dynamic of everything.
This week has felt lighter, we've had more fun, and I feel like we've gotten in less fights.
So I hope this helps.
Uh, no it doesn't help.
Bullshit advice does not help.
First of all, that's a trap, man, to begin with.
So when your wife comes to you and says, oh, no, I can take constructive criticism, but just say something positive first.
That's not going to work in practice, OK?
Because you could lead with 50 things you like about them.
You could spend an hour listing, honey, this is what I love about you, and then just spend an hour listing stuff.
As soon as you get to the bad thing, that's the headline right there and all the other stuff.
Dissipates, okay?
It evaporates.
So just don't believe that in the first place.
And then on the other end of it, as a man, I don't want that.
Don't come to me... Like, I don't... I know the setup.
Just get to the point.
So as soon as my wife comes in and says, uh, honey, you know, I... I really like how you ironed your pants this morning.
And I think you're a nice person.
Okay.
Yeah.
What?
You're about to criticize me.
Get to the... Get to it.
Come on.
What is it gonna be?
What did I do this time?
Just...
What helps more in a marriage, take it from me, is just to be direct and get to the point, cut to the chase.
If you have a problem, say it, and then you move on with your lives.
Because everything we're hearing so far from TikTok is just ways of, like, drawing all this out and making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Just saying.
She didn't do a good job drying off the cutting knife.
Is that the complaint?
That seems like a pretty petty thing to complain about in the first place, but if that's an issue for you, just go and tell her.
Honey, dry the cutting knives next time, okay?
Look at the streaks on it.
You're causing problems.
That's all you gotta do.
No problem.
Alright, what do we got?
[Music]
(pensive music)
(water rushing)
(pensive music)
That's it.
I get the point.
First of all, I'm just burning the hell out of these burgers.
It's not my fault.
This TikTok is distracting me.
Don't use TikTok while you're over an open flame.
Okay, that's the first bit of advice.
Second is, if you're making a TikTok video, just say what you want.
Once again, this is the theme.
Get to the point.
What is the thing on TikTok now where they don't even speak, they just look into the camera while there are words coming up on the screen?
I did that a few weeks ago because I'm a laryngitis survivor.
So if you have laryngitis, if you're mute or something, I understand it.
But I don't think that's the case for her.
And what's the point that she's making?
She's saying, well, Women sometimes feel unappreciated and then she's going through the list of all the things that the wife deals with and she's dealing with the kids and she has to clean the house and all that kind of stuff.
And I get it.
But the thing that will kill a marriage, more than anything, is self-pity.
When I watch that video, I don't see a woman who's put upon and oppressed.
Everything she's listing, that's just part of life.
We all have roles in life.
And work is part of life.
So whether you're a man or woman, whatever you're doing in the house, you're going to have to work.
When you have kids even more so.
It just, it takes work.
So you're working, the husband's working, everybody's working all the time.
We've got the sad piano music and she's listing all these really normal things she has to do in her life.
I'm not seeing a problem of a woman being oppressed.
I'm seeing a problem of someone who is drowning in self-pity.
To the point of they're like even putting their own story up on TikTok with sad piano music in the background.
Get over yourself.
Realize that life is work.
Life is suffering.
And once you come to accept that, you'll have, if not joy, maybe some contentment.
I say this to my wife all the time.
She loves it when I say that to her.
What's next?
You know how when you ask me what I want to eat, and then I say I don't know, and then we go in circles, and then sometimes we even get in an argument about that?
Or like, you ask me what I want to do, and then I'm like, I don't know!
It's the notebook scene.
What do you want?
It's not that simple.
I feel like I do know, but I'm saying I don't know because I wish you would just be in your masculine and take the lead.
And it makes me feel like I have to make all the decisions and decide everything.
And it like, it kind of pisses me off.
And so I'm saying, I don't know, because I wish you would just take the lead.
Okay, so you want me to take the lead actually more and especially in decision-making processes.
Yeah.
Because you feel like you're being in the masculine role.
You know, the irony is I'm trying not to be Toxic masculine I'm trying not to be disrespectful And so I'm trying to make sure and give you an equal say and equal you know option and opinion.
I'm actually trying to Help you feel included in that decision-making process, but what I'm hearing is actually that you don't necessarily want that Yeah.
I mean, I don't feel like you need to worry about being domineering unless you were going to like force me to do something and like, no, I said, we're doing this today.
Like you don't have a say that would be domineering.
But when you take the lead and then you're open to me being like, no, actually, you know, I don't want that.
Then that's really healthy.
So, but I actually really prefer you to take the lead to make decisions so I can be in my feminine.
And I actually love most of the decisions that you make in it.
It feels good.
Awesome.
All right.
Good.
So, finally, a little bit of sanity.
You see glimmers of it every once in a while on TikTok, and I never thought I'd find it on a channel called, what was that channel called?
The Yoga?
The Yoga Couple.
Well, so, before we get to that, here's the bad news.
The woman is married to this guy and she wants him to be masculine.
Well, unfortunately for you, you married a guy with long hair who does yoga.
So that was out the window to begin with.
But now it's actually very sad because she's like, I married this overgrown child.
I married a guy that looks like, you know, a 15 year old sport in his first goatee.
And she just wants masculinity in the marriage, but she can't have it.
So it's a very sad and tragic thing.
Meanwhile, this guy has been Conditioned by society that toxic masculinity is bad and, you know, we want to have equality of the sexes.
And this is what he's been told.
And so he's been living that way.
And now he's being told by his wife, no, I actually want you to be a man.
Because that's what you are.
And he's sitting there like, oh, really?
You mean you want me to be a man?
You want the man to be a man?
I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
Because that's the reality.
No matter what we're told by society, you know, society tries to condition us away from our natural inclinations, you know, from natural law in many ways.
But no matter what they do, it can't change it.
Is that in most scenarios, a woman is with a man because she wants a man.
A man's with a woman because he wants a woman.
And yes, she wants you to take the lead.
Now, she might not like it when you put it like that.
Okay, so deciding on where you're going to eat.
She might not want you to say, honey, I'll take the lead here.
I'll tell you where we're going to eat.
She doesn't want you to say that.
She just wants you to do it.
Decide where you're going to eat and tell her and you know.
She'll live with it.
So that's good advice.
That one you can take to the bank.
All the rest of it you can toss into the wood chipper, like so much else that we get on TikTok.
And I think I'll just get to grilling these pieces of charcoal that I have here.
Remember, Good Ranchers is where you should get all your meat.
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