The Matt Walsh Show - Matt Walsh Reacts To Reality Show Trailers
Aired: 2022-07-06
Duration: 12:22


=== Moving In With Someone New (07:13) ===

[00:00:00]  Well, to be honest with you, I didn't really know that reality shows existed still, really.
[00:00:05]  That's how plugged into the entertainment world I am.
[00:00:09]  My producers inform me that reality shows are still very much a thing, and they're all the rage, in fact, and they had the bright idea to have me watch some reality show I love you to death, but I just cannot wait any longer.
[00:00:21]  because they're the ones who suggested it, that I will hate every minute of this
[00:00:25]  because that's the only type of content they ever do suggest,
[00:00:28]  because I guess everyone enjoys watching me in pain, watching me suffer.
[00:00:33]  So I've steeled myself.
[00:00:34]  I think I'm ready, as ready as I can be.
[00:00:37]  Let's go.
[00:00:39]  I love you to death, but I just cannot wait any longer.
[00:00:42]  That is why I'm giving this ultimatum.
[00:00:44]  You're here because someone in your relationship has issued an ultimatum.
[00:00:49]  (upbeat music)
[00:00:50]  You're not sure you want to marry your current partner.
[00:00:52]  The risk is that they're going to find someone else who is.
[00:00:55]  I think it's natural to wonder what it would be like to be in a different relationship.
[00:01:01]  You'll each choose a new partner.
[00:01:03]  You'll move in together in a trial marriage.
[00:01:05]  And at the end of this experience, you guys will have to choose to marry the person you've arrived here with or to split forever.
[00:01:14]  Today we get to move in with someone completely different.
[00:01:16]  Living with a guy that's not you will be a weird change.
[00:01:19]  How do you feel about me sleeping in the bed?
[00:01:24]  Are you nervous to meet my dad?
[00:01:25]  Hopefully they don't grill me too hard.
[00:01:27]  Hi!
[00:01:27]  This is the first time I felt like, okay, this guy's okay.
[00:01:30]  From what he said about you, I was not happy about this at all.
[00:01:34]  This is our first morning back together.
[00:01:36]  We came here as a couple, but it's about figuring out what's best as individual people.
[00:01:40]  Okay.
[00:01:42]  I'm already 20 points, 20 IQ points dumber and we just started.
[00:01:45]  I'm gonna be a, I'm gonna be a sea sponge by the end of this thing.
[00:01:48]  We'll give you the new member initiation.
[00:01:50]  Welcome to my club!
[00:01:51]  Welcome to my club!
[00:01:53]  What is even the premise here?
[00:01:54]  So you've got, you've got, what's his name?
[00:01:56]  Joey Fatone hosting this and you've got couples who want to get married and so they come on a reality show And they shack up with somebody else for a while on camera to find out if they should marry the other person?
[00:02:08]  Do I have this right?
[00:02:09]  We want to get married, and to find out if we should get married, we're going to go and live with somebody else?
[00:02:16]  Well, I can answer the question for you right now.
[00:02:18]  You shouldn't get married.
[00:02:19]  Okay, spoiler.
[00:02:20]  All of you are awful.
[00:02:23]  None of you should get married.
[00:02:24]  You should all move into the wilderness by yourselves and save society from having to endure your presence.
[00:02:29]  That's what should happen here.
[00:02:30]  That's what needs to happen.
[00:02:33]  How is it that reality shows are dumber now than I remember them being?
[00:02:36]  I think I just couldn't handle living in a world where this kind of stuff exists, so I blocked it out of my mind, and I went to my safe space, my happy space.
[00:02:44]  And now I have to confront this, and it's even worse than I remember.
[00:02:48]  But let's watch the next one.
[00:02:50]  I've met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
[00:02:54]  I've never seen her before.
[00:02:56]  Here you will choose someone to marry.
[00:02:58]  Hello.
[00:02:59]  Nice to hear from you.
[00:03:00]  Can't say see ya.
[00:03:01]  Without ever seeing them.
[00:03:04]  If you're ready to find the love of your life... Game time.
[00:03:09]  The pods are now open.
[00:03:13]  What kind of work do you do?
[00:03:14]  So what are some of your biggest turn offs?
[00:03:15]  So what are you looking for in a woman?
[00:03:16]  Ethnicity, race, physical appearance.
[00:03:19]  None of that matters.
[00:03:20]  I'm really starting to emotionally connect with you.
[00:03:23]  This could be a remarkable love story.
[00:03:27]  You're a beautiful person.
[00:03:28]  I don't have to see you to say that.
[00:03:31]  I'm scared of making the wrong decision.
[00:03:33]  I can't see my life without you.
[00:03:35]  Will you be my wife?
[00:03:38]  I am engaged to somebody I've never seen before.
[00:03:41]  I hope these just five be very attractive.
[00:03:44]  Can they just lock the cubes and just leave them in there?
[00:03:49]  We can watch them slowly starve to death.
[00:03:50]  That would be a reality show.
[00:03:51]  And does Joey Fatone host all these shows now?
[00:03:54]  I thought he was dead.
[00:03:55]  I don't know, they have him chained up in a basement somewhere and they bring him out like the Gimp in Pulp Fiction whenever there's a new Netflix reality show.
[00:04:00]  And I say new reality show, but really there has never been a new reality show, I think.
[00:04:05]  All these ideas are just versions of each other.
[00:04:07]  What about American Idol, but they have to write their own songs?
[00:04:11]  Love it.
[00:04:12]  Oh, what about American Idol, but they have to write their own songs?
[00:04:16]  Love it.
[00:04:16]  We're going to match a bunch of attractive people up and have them get married, even though they haven't seen each other.
[00:04:21]  I wonder what will happen.
[00:04:22]  We know what will happen.
[00:04:23]  They'll get divorced by next Thursday.
[00:04:24]  That's what's going to happen.
[00:04:25]  Second of all, the drama and suspense is taken out, right?
[00:04:29]  Because they're all relatively attractive.
[00:04:32]  I mean, that's what this is all about.
[00:04:33]  It's like, well, what does a person look like?
[00:04:34]  I mean, for a concept like this to work, you need to mix in some ugly ducklings.
[00:04:39]  They need to be in this mix here.
[00:04:41]  So you should have, like, a guy who's 600 pounds, and they wheel him out on a forklift for the big reveal.
[00:04:48]  You've already gotten married, and you're married to a 600-pound guy on a forklift.
[00:04:52]  That would be high drama.
[00:04:53]  Instead, everybody is in the 7 to 9 range, as far as physical looks go.
[00:04:58]  So the show is, what will happen when these 7s to 9s meet other 7s to 9s?
[00:05:03]  Nothing interesting.
[00:05:05]  I can already tell you that.
[00:05:06]  I'll be honest guys, this job gets really hard sometimes.
[00:05:09]  All day long I watch, debunk, and cancel stupid people.
[00:05:12]  Some days my producers make me sit behind this desk for hours on end watching purple-haired
[00:05:16]  weirdos attempt to explain their gender-neutral pronouns to me.
[00:05:19]  It's no easy task, and the only way that I've found to cope with all this torture is with
[00:05:24]  Halo is the number one Christian prayer app in the U.S.
[00:05:27]  It's like Calm or Headspace, but rooted in Catholic faith as opposed to the religion of leftism.
[00:05:32]  Halo offers over 5,000 audio-guided prayers, meditations, and Christian music tracks.
[00:05:37]  Some of the most popular daily prayers are the daily rosary, gospel reading, the daily psalm with Bishop Barron, and so much more.
[00:05:45]  Halo helps me find peace and calm throughout the day, even as crazy leftists yell at me through a tiny screen.
[00:05:50]  Go to halo.com slash Matt Walsh and get an extended three-month free trial, during which you'll have access to all 5,000-plus meditations and prayers.
[00:05:59]  That's halo.com slash Matt Walsh for three months free.
[00:06:02]  Reclaim your peace in this crazy world.
[00:06:04]  Download Halo today.
[00:06:06]  Okay, continue.
[00:06:08]  Deep in the remote jungles of Columbia, a new species has been spotted at the watering hole.
[00:06:14]  Humans.
[00:06:15]  A rare sight in this habitat, these humans are using animal mating techniques in their search for true love.
[00:06:23]  And are forbidden to speak to one another.
[00:06:27]  Now talking sucks!
[00:06:33]  My inner animal is an otter, because they're super playful.
[00:06:36]  I'm a tiger.
[00:06:37]  I have a big appetite.
[00:06:39]  I'm trying to eat.
[00:06:39]  Ducks are kind of like majestic, but also kind of goofy.
[00:06:42]  I feel like I'm a mix between the two.
[00:06:43]  Okay, things about to get interesting.
[00:06:48]  It's getting a little spicy.
[00:06:50]  [MUSIC PLAYING]
[00:06:52]  [CHEERING]
[00:06:54]  It was very weird, but very sexy and weird.
[00:06:57]  I think this is our new fetish for mating.

=== People Among Us (05:23) ===

[00:06:59]  I guess mating rituals work because I've never been so attracted to Stefan before!
[00:07:05]  I want to be dead.
[00:07:07]  I just want to be dead now.
[00:07:10]  I'm in such deep despair in this moment.
[00:07:13]  And it's not even how stupid this show is.
[00:07:15]  That's not the problem.
[00:07:16]  It's that people, I assume, watch this, and those people are among us.
[00:07:22]  They walk among us.
[00:07:23]  They vote.
[00:07:25]  They drive.
[00:07:27]  It's possible that I've accidentally been polite to somebody who watches this show.
[00:07:32]  Well, probably not me.
[00:07:32]  I'm not polite to anybody.
[00:07:34]  But, you know, it's still, God help us.
[00:07:37]  But why should God help us?
[00:07:38]  We've forsaken Him.
[00:07:40]  So why should He help us?
[00:07:44]  Alright, go ahead.
[00:07:49]  What's up, y'all?
[00:07:49]  It's Lizzo.
[00:07:51]  I'm looking for dancers to join me on my tour.
[00:07:54]  Girls that look like me don't get representation.
[00:07:57]  Time to pull up my sleeves and find them myself.
[00:08:02]  We thick and we pretty and we know what we bout.
[00:08:05]  It's the battle of the big girls.
[00:08:10]  To be a background dancer for Lizzo would just mean everything.
[00:08:15]  It's show time.
[00:08:19]  What do we have in store?
[00:08:20]  This is the fun part.
[00:08:21]  I was always doubting myself, and I feel like that has been detrimental in how I approach dance.
[00:08:27]  You know, this is how bad it's gotten.
[00:08:30]  That's actually refreshing compared to the others.
[00:08:32]  Lizzo and a bunch of obese dancers in thongs and spandex.
[00:08:36]  That's a sight for sore eyes compared to what we saw before.
[00:08:40]  Compared to the mental sewage that came before it.
[00:08:44]  You know what I really want to see?
[00:08:45]  I want to see The contestants of that show mixed in with the contestants on the Love is Blind show?
[00:08:53]  That's the show I want to see, okay?
[00:08:54]  I want to see one of the guys in The Love is Blind, he falls in love, oh, looks don't matter, I don't care.
[00:09:00]  Because he's assuming, he knows it's a reality show, he assumes it's some dime that he's going to be matched up with.
[00:09:06]  And then one of these Lizzo background dancers comes out, 300 pounds and spandex.
[00:09:10]  That is one marriage that will stay together.
[00:09:12]  He can't, there's nothing he can do, because he has to be like body affirming, and so he's going to be stuck in this marriage forever now.
[00:09:20]  This person.
[00:09:21]  That would be fun.
[00:09:22]  Okay, go ahead.
[00:09:26]  I don't want to be doing this with anyone but you.
[00:09:31]  This is the first time in a long time that I'm open to love.
[00:09:37]  Spending time with you and getting to know you, it just feels natural.
[00:09:40]  So what are you guys expecting from this island?
[00:09:46]  Oh, I guess that means Too Hot to Handle is back.
[00:09:51]  I know that's Lana!
[00:09:52]  No kissing, no heavy petting, and no sex of any kind.
[00:09:58]  This is Lana, the ultimate cock block.
[00:10:03]  Each time the rules are broken, money will be deducted.
[00:10:06]  I kissed Izzy yesterday.
[00:10:10]  I love bad boys.
[00:10:11]  You are the bad boy.
[00:10:12]  Play the role.
[00:10:13]  Can I call my mom?
[00:10:15]  I wanna go home.
[00:10:19]  I don't say this to be cruel or mean, but watching that trailer, I have never in my life rooted for a tsunami so much.
[00:10:26]  Just a 100-foot tidal wave crashing through.
[00:10:30]  Cleansing the land.
[00:10:31]  That's my idea for a reality show.
[00:10:33]  Get all these kinds of people onto an island.
[00:10:35]  Tell them it's a reality show called, like, Boob Island or whatever.
[00:10:39]  And then set off a tidal wave.
[00:10:41]  Not to kill them.
[00:10:42]  I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
[00:10:44]  I just mean to startle them a little bit.
[00:10:46]  Maybe wash some of the herpes and genital crabs off.
[00:10:51]  And if anybody drowns in the process, that was not the intention.
[00:10:54]  For legal purposes, anyway.
[00:10:56]  I'm in a bad mood now.
[00:10:58]  I'm upset by this.
[00:11:00]  I feel drained and exhausted.
[00:11:04]  And I'm dumber.
[00:11:04]  I actually, I feel that I am dumber than I was at the start.
[00:11:07]  Maybe this last one will be, this will be a bright spot to end on, maybe.
[00:11:09]  We can hope.
[00:11:15]  The people are real.
[00:11:19]  The cases are real.
[00:11:21]  And the judgments are legally binding.
[00:11:23]  I'm fully naked under here.
[00:11:24]  I think that's the hardest part about being a judge.
[00:11:26]  It's so hot.
[00:11:30]  This is Chrissy's Court.
[00:11:39]  Okay, so first of all, nothing happens in that show at all.
[00:11:41]  Like, that's the trailer for it, and the one highlight is Chrissy Teigen saying she's naked.
[00:11:46]  That's like if I went to a restaurant and I said that the highlight of the restaurant, my restaurant experience, was that the chicken was undercooked and gave me food poisoning.
[00:11:54]  If that's the highlight, how low is the low light is the question.
[00:11:56]  This is what I want.
[00:11:57]  I want a judge show where I'm the judge, And everybody gets the death penalty for coming on the show.
[00:12:03]  The death penalty.
[00:12:04]  For everybody.
[00:12:05]  The fact that you would come to a judge show in the first place to settle your problem means you deserve the death penalty.
[00:12:09]  This has gotten really dark, hasn't it?
[00:12:11]  My mind is in a dark place now.
[00:12:13]  And you can thank my producers for that.
[00:12:16]  For all of this.
[00:12:16]  This is all their fault.
[00:12:21]  Okay, let's stop now.