The Matt Walsh Show - Walsh Vintage Dating Advice
Aired: 2021-04-03
Duration: 09:24


=== Vintage Dating Advice (08:43) ===

[00:00:00]  So this should be a lot of fun, hopefully edifying for all of us.
[00:00:02]  We talk a lot about, we do a lot of dating advice stuff.
[00:00:05]  So I thought today we're going to take a look at a dating advice video, which originally was filmed, I think, in 1949.
[00:00:14]  We know that these days people have no idea what to do, and that's very clear in some of the videos we've done.
[00:00:18]  People have no idea what to do on the dating scene.
[00:00:20]  Let's go back to 1949.
[00:00:21]  That was back when They believed in chivalry and self-respect and etiquette.
[00:00:27]  You know, there were no dating apps.
[00:00:29]  There was no, uh, Tinder chat, no snap bumble.
[00:00:32]  If you wanted a date, you had to ride your horse to the next town, a five days journey, then kill the bandits who had kidnapped her.
[00:00:38]  That's what you had to do.
[00:00:39]  At least in my imagination.
[00:00:40]  Let's check out this, this, this old timey dating PSA and let's, let's get the real scoop on, uh, on dating.
[00:00:46]  Let's see.
[00:00:47]  [MUSIC]
[00:00:48]  [MUSIC]
[00:00:53]  What's that?
[00:00:55]  [MUSIC]
[00:00:57]  Oh yes, the ticket he told me about.
[00:01:00]  Well, let's see what he has to say.
[00:01:03]  Here's the latest on my broken ankle.
[00:01:07]  Doc says I'll be alright, only I have to stay off my feet for a week or so.
[00:01:16]  Okay, just to stop you there for a second.
[00:01:17]  I don't mean to be rude, but why is the kid reading like it's the first time he's encountered the written word in his life?
[00:01:23]  "Today, Junior!"
[00:01:25]  Uh, maybe he's struggling because it's cursive.
[00:01:28]  The biggest waste of time in school is they made us learn cursive, and then I graduated,
[00:01:32]  and then I discovered that nobody in actual adult human life ever writes in cursive.
[00:01:36]  They may as well have made us become fluent in, like, hieroglyphics or something.
[00:01:40]  "One couple. That means a date."
[00:01:46]  Okay, now wait a second.
[00:01:48]  The High Teen Carnival? What kind of debauchery is this?
[00:01:52]  "Alright, alright, alright. How you doing?"
[00:01:56]  I thought we'd get something wholesome from the Night Club.
[00:01:58]  You're gonna let your kid go on a date to a carnival full of high teens.
[00:02:05]  And the high part is, I mean, it's kind of redundant.
[00:02:07]  Everybody is high at a carnival.
[00:02:08]  We already know that.
[00:02:09]  Especially the people operating the rides.
[00:02:10]  Like, the guy running the ride is blitzed out of his skull and you're putting your four-year-old onto this spinning metal death trap.
[00:02:19]  You're putting your child's life in this man's hands.
[00:02:22]  Not a smart thing to do.
[00:02:23]  But this video is taking a scandalous turn.
[00:02:25]  I'm already a little bit disappointed.
[00:02:27]  I was expecting something more buttoned up than this.
[00:02:30]  How do you choose a date?
[00:02:32]  Whose company would you enjoy?
[00:02:35]  Well, one thing you can consider is looks.
[00:02:39]  Woody thought of Janice and how good-looking she was.
[00:02:42]  Yes, he'd enjoy that.
[00:02:44]  Except, well, it's too bad Janice always acts so superior and bored.
[00:02:49]  She'd make a fellow feel awkward and inferior.
[00:02:52]  Well, perhaps someone who doesn't feel superior.
[00:02:55]  There's Betty.
[00:02:56]  And yet, it just doesn't seem as if she'd be much fun.
[00:03:02]  What about Ann?
[00:03:04]  She knows how to have a good time, and how to make the fellow with her relax, have fun too.
[00:03:09]  Yes, that's what a boy likes.
[00:03:11]  He wants to know he's appreciated.
[00:03:14]  Ann would be fun on a date.
[00:03:17]  Okay, I gotta say, now I, here's what I like so far.
[00:03:21]  I like that all the onus is being put on the women to impress the man.
[00:03:26]  That's the way it should be.
[00:03:30]  I like how we're ranking the different kinds of women.
[00:03:32]  You're never going to find this kind of thing these days.
[00:03:34]  Here's what I don't like.
[00:03:35]  These kids are way too young to be dating in the first place.
[00:03:38]  You shouldn't be dating until you're at least 25, 30 years old.
[00:03:42]  At the youngest.
[00:03:43]  Second, Anne here, who gets chosen, has the manners of a damned barn animal chomping away at the cotton candy.
[00:03:50]  It's disgusting.
[00:03:51]  Chewing with her mouth open.
[00:03:52]  No decorum, no class.
[00:03:54]  I'm shocked that these kinds of manners were considered appropriate in the 1940s.
[00:03:57]  The correct response as a gentleman, if you're dating a lady who eats like that, is to say, excuse me, ma'am, your manner of eating repulses me.
[00:04:06]  Leave my presence.
[00:04:08]  This is Dating 101.
[00:04:09]  When I was single, I had at least 12 first dates end that way.
[00:04:13]  You know, speaking of kids in the 1940s dating, what you never want to have to say is that your home got stolen.
[00:04:18]  Like mine did.
[00:04:19]  My home was stolen.
[00:04:19]  I'm holding a copy of the legal title to my home in my hand.
[00:04:24]  This piece of paper could not be anything but.
[00:04:26]  This is proof that it's a legal title to my home.
[00:04:28]  And my signature on it is on it.
[00:04:29]  It says that I sold my home, even though I didn't.
[00:04:33]  Luckily, this is just a demo, though, from Home Title Log.
[00:04:36]  Here's how cybercriminals get you.
[00:04:37]  The title documents to our homes are kept online.
[00:04:40]  A thief forges your signature on a quitclaim deed stating that you sold your home and he's the new owner.
[00:04:45]  You never know until it's too late and you've got the late payment or eviction notices arriving.
[00:04:51]  That's why I have Home Title Lock.
[00:04:53]  The instant Home Title Lock detects someone tampering with my home's title and helps shut it down.
[00:04:58]  Let's get you protected.
[00:04:59]  Go to HomeTitleLock.com and register your address to see if you're already a victim and enter Walsh for 33 days of protection.
[00:05:06]  That's promo code Walsh at HomeTitleLock.com.
[00:05:10]  The 1940s are dropping the ball so far, but let's give it another shot.
[00:05:14]  Let's watch again.
[00:05:15]  Oh, Mom, is it all right with you if I have a date Saturday night?
[00:05:19]  Of course, you generally go out on Saturdays.
[00:05:22]  Hello, may I speak to Mary, please?
[00:05:25]  But Mom, this is different.
[00:05:27]  A date.
[00:05:29]  Well, I haven't asked her yet, but I'd like to take Ann Davis to the high teen carnival.
[00:05:33]  Oh, Ann's a nice girl, but a date?
[00:05:38]  Well, you're rather young.
[00:05:40]  Oh, Mom, give him a break.
[00:05:42]  I think he can swing it.
[00:05:44]  We all have to start sometime.
[00:05:46]  Well, if you don't overdo on dating, Ed knows what I mean.
[00:05:51]  Weekends only, and not too late.
[00:05:54]  Thanks, Mom.
[00:05:55]  So, what's going on here?
[00:05:56]  Both boys are talking back, mouthing off to their mother.
[00:06:00]  What kind of respect?
[00:06:01]  Is this what we call respect?
[00:06:03]  Where is the father coming in with his belt?
[00:06:07]  Ready to fix some attitudes the old-fashioned way.
[00:06:09]  That's what I would expect to see here.
[00:06:11]  Speaking of father, why hasn't the father been consulted about this date at all?
[00:06:14]  Why isn't Anne's father being consulted?
[00:06:17]  The proper way to get a date is to bring gifts of silver and gold to the lady's father and ask for permission to court his daughter.
[00:06:24]  If you get the okay, then the courtship will last for about four days and then you get married.
[00:06:27]  That's the way I assumed things were done.
[00:06:31]  Not this liberal nonsense we're seeing in the video.
[00:06:33]  [MUSIC]
[00:06:43]  It's a shame.
[00:07:00]  Just a damn shame.
[00:07:01]  Look at that.
[00:07:01]  Hijinks, frivolity, dancing, hot dogs.
[00:07:05]  Totally inappropriate.
[00:07:06]  Unacceptable behavior.
[00:07:07]  These kids should all be home engaged in vigorous study and reflection.
[00:07:12]  Welcome to Bible study!
[00:07:14]  We're all children of Jesus!
[00:07:15]  Kumbaya!
[00:07:17]  Now we see how we ended up where we are today, right?
[00:07:19]  We see the slippery slope.
[00:07:20]  Because first you got kids dancing at a carnival, and next thing you know, WAP is the number one song of 2020.
[00:07:27]  It's not hard to see the trajectory.
[00:07:29]  I have a feeling it's going to get a lot worse now.
[00:07:31]  So that's the date.
[00:07:33]  And now we get to the end of the night.
[00:07:35]  And let's see what advice the 1940s can give us for how to end a date.
[00:07:40]  How do you say goodnight?
[00:07:44]  Perhaps... Don't leave!
[00:07:52]  But I am.
[00:07:55]  Or it could go this way.
[00:08:00]  Well, so long.
[00:08:02]  Just like that.
[00:08:04]  After all, a girl likes to know you've had a good time.
[00:08:07]  So let's try saying goodnight again.
[00:08:10]  One more way.
[00:08:13]  Well, it's getting late.
[00:08:15]  Yes, it is.
[00:08:17]  I'd ask you in for a bite to eat if it weren't so late.
[00:08:21]  Let's plan to get home in time for a sandwich or something next time.
[00:08:24]  Say, that sounds good.
[00:08:26]  I'll call you next week.

=== Walk Her To The Door (00:56) ===

[00:08:28]  Will you?
[00:08:29]  Well...
[00:08:30]  Thanks so much.
[00:08:32]  I had loads of fun.
[00:08:33]  So did I. Good night, Rudy.
[00:08:35]  Good night, Ann.
[00:08:43]  [MUSIC]
[00:08:43]  No.
[00:08:50]  No, wrong.
[00:08:53]  See, the appropriate way to say goodnight is to walk the lady to the door,
[00:08:57]  no later than 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
[00:08:59]  Shake her hand and say, have a pleasant afternoon, and then turn around and walk away quickly.
[00:09:04]  They'll smile.
[00:09:04]  Nothing suggestive like kissing, smiling, laughing.
[00:09:09]  I have to say that the advice here turns out to be far too progressive for my taste.
[00:09:16]  I always thought, you know, I should have been born in the 1940s.
[00:09:18]  I think I should have been born in the 1240s.
[00:09:19]  Silence, foul temptress!
[00:09:22]  I thought we'd get something wholesome here, and I apologize that we didn't.