Today on the Matt Walsh Show, Kamala Harris, perhaps the most inauthentic politician in America today, is now inventing anecdotes about her childhood by plagiarizing Martin Luther King Jr. Also Five Headlines, including Antifa thugs harassing Senator Hawley’s wife and baby, and a Hollywood actress brags about her gay gender fluid 12 year old. And in our Daily Cancellation, I will cancel tipping.
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Today on the Matt Wall Show, Kamala Harris, perhaps the most inauthentic politician in America today, and that's saying something, is now inventing anecdotes about her childhood by plagiarizing Martin Luther King Jr., apparently.
Also, five headlines, including Antifa thugs harassing Senator Hawley's wife and baby, and a Hollywood actress brags about her gay, gender-fluid 12-year-old And in our daily cancellation, I will cancel tipping.
I'm usually a big tipper, but I think it's gotten out of hand.
I have to cancel it, and I'll explain why.
All of that and much more today on The Matt Walsh Show.
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Well, ever since the announcement that Kamala Harris would be Joe Biden's vice presidential nominee, there's been a nonstop flow of worshipful articles and essays from the bootlicking media trying to convince us to see this vapid, unimpressive bureaucrat as a civil rights pioneer and a transcendent political leader.
Truly, of all the false absurdities that the media has insisted we take seriously in recent years, none have been as false and absurd as this.
Now, in the initial tidal wave of fawning Kamala Harris hagiographies, a particularly sickening and yet somehow still hilarious, I think, example was originally lost in the shuffle.
This was published back on October 6, a piece in Elle titled, Kamala Harris is our new vice president-elect.
And it's finally gone viral this week for all the wrong reasons.
Author Ashley C. Ford, reporting with the critical objectivity of a 16-year-old girl profiling Harry Styles for her high school newspaper, tells us in the subheading that Harris has been fighting for justice and freedom since birth.
Since birth.
Those are quotes.
Now, I have four children myself, and in my experience, infants just lounge around all day, defecate in their pants, cry when they're hungry, I have never seen an infant demonstrate any real interest in justice or freedom.
But then again, none of my children are like Kamala Harris.
Or so I pray.
In the first paragraph of the piece, we're given an example, supposed example, of what Kamala's childhood freedom fighting supposedly looked like, and here's what it says.
Senator Kamala Harris started her life's work young.
She laughs from her gut, the way you would with family, as she remembers being wheeled through an Oakland, California civil rights march in a stroller with no straps with her parents and her uncle.
At some point, she fell from the stroller.
Few safety regulations existed for children's equipment back then, and the adults caught up in the rapture of the protest just kept on marching.
By the time they noticed little Kamala was gone and doubled back, she was understandably upset.
Quoting Harris, she says, my mother tells the story about how I'm fussing and she's like, baby, what do you want?
What do you need?
And I just looked at her and I said, freedom.
Now I'm told that in the rough draft version of the story, the young Camilla smeared blue finger paint across half her face, shouted, they may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom.
And then galloped into battle on her trusty steed.
Now, I'm joking, of course.
Kamala Harris would never plagiarize a Mel Gibson movie.
She will, however, plagiarize Martin Luther King Jr.
As some observant folks on the internet pointed out, this anecdote from Harris sounds strikingly similar to one offered by MLK to Playboy in 1965.
Here's what he said.
Quote, I never will forget a moment in Birmingham when a white policeman accosted a little Negro girl, seven or eight years old, who was walking in a demonstration with her mother.
What do you want, the policeman asked her gruffly.
And the little girl looked him straight in the eye and said, feed him.
She couldn't even pronounce it, but she knew.
It was beautiful.
Many times when I have been in sorely trying situations, the memory of that little one comes to mind and has buoyed me.
Now, if we can fairly discount the possibility that the little girl in King's story was Kamala Harris herself, it would seem that Harris is cobbling together a fake childhood.
And in that same genre, over the holidays, Harris released a video in commemoration of Kwanzaa, claiming that she's been celebrating the holiday her whole life.
And recalling a time when, quote, multiple generations, including, quote, the elders, would gather together to engage in these sacred Kwanzaic rituals.
Here's that.
Let's watch this.
Happy holidays, everyone.
I wanted to take a moment to send my warmest wishes to everyone celebrating Kwanzaa.
Like so many other holidays, we will be celebrating Kwanzaa a little differently this season in our home.
We'll be doing it over Zoom.
You know, my sister and I, we grew up celebrating Kwanzaa.
Every year, our family and our extended family, we would gather around across multiple generations, and we'd tell stories.
The kids would sit on the carpet, and the elders would sit in chairs, and we would light the candles, and of course, afterwards, have a beautiful meal.
And of course there was always the discussion of the seven principles.
And my favorite, I have to tell you, was always the one about self-determination.
Kujichagulia.
And, you know, essentially it's about, you know, it's about be.
Be and do.
Be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do and do the things that need to be done.
It's about not letting anyone write our future for us, but instead going out and writing it for ourselves.
And that principle motivates me today as we seek to confront the challenges facing our country and to build a brighter future for all Americans.
So to everyone who is celebrating, Happy Kwanzaa from our family to yours.
Sure.
Sure, Camilla.
Yeah, to everyone who's celebrating.
Which would be nobody.
That was a happy holidays to nobody.
Let's recall that Kwanzaa was invented in 1966 by, by the way, by a violent felon who would go on to serve several years in prison for kidnapping and torturing a woman, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose.
While it's perhaps easy to understand why Harris would relate so much to something that's meaningless and fake, just like herself, it's hard to believe that her whole family, including the elders, so strictly observed a holiday that didn't even exist when she was born.
She was born in 1964.
This thing didn't exist until 1966.
Bear in mind that Harris also claims to have a deep and personal attachment to Christmas and Hanukkah.
What a fortunate coincidence that a politician should happen to connect so deeply to every holiday and cultural tradition on the calendar.
I just can't wait until May 5th when we'll no doubt find out about her previously unknown Mexican family heritage.
Now, going back to the L profile for a moment, we should note that the Fuidum story isn't the only fabrication, creating sort of a sense of symmetry.
The piece ends with an anecdote nearly as fraudulent and ludicrous as the one it began with.
Here's the one that it ends with.
It says, quote, She, Camilla Harris, relays a story about the night she became the second black woman in history elected to the U.S.
Senate.
In every one of my elections, part of our routine is we do a small friends and family dinner before we go to campaign night celebration.
Presumably the elders are at that celebration too, sitting in their chairs.
Anyway, she explains that it was looking like the election was going to be called for Donald Trump.
Quote, my godson Alexander, who was seven years old at the time, came up to me crying and said, Auntie Camilla, they're not going to let that man win, are they?
And you know the babies in your life.
She closes her eyes and swallows.
I held him.
I mean, it still brings me pain to remember how he felt and what it made me feel, which is that I need to protect this child.
I had one way in my mind I thought that evening would go.
And then there was this way it turned out.
And so by the time I took the stage, I had ripped up my notes and all I had was Alexander in my heart.
And I took the podium and I said, I intend to fight.
I intend to fight.
If there's anything we know about Senator Kamala Harris, it's that when it comes to freedom, she will fight.
Now, by the way, I just delivered that line From Kamala Harris, probably more convincingly than she did.
And I wasn't convincing at all.
Of course, we can assume that the bit about the seven-year-old godson distraught over Trump's election never happened, but the most egregious fabrication is the final line and the whole premise of the article, that Kamala Harris is a fighter for freedom.
Where's the evidence of that?
Harris's actual biography is far less inspiring than the mythology that's currently being constructed around her.
In reality, okay, she began her political career through a sexual relationship with an influential and still married politician in California named Willie Brown.
Brown, who was corrupt, dogged by FBI investigations throughout his career, appointed Harris to her first state commission while they were still together.
From there, she would become district attorney and then attorney general of the state.
But her record as attorney general was criticized by many on the left and by the same media that now hails her as the second coming of the civil rights pioneer she plagiarized.
Indeed, it's one of the reasons why she garnered almost no support during her run for president and flunked out of the race before voting began.
So, despite what we're now being instructed to believe, Kamala Harris is, in reality, a pathological liar, a failed presidential candidate, a mediocre political talent at best, who slept her way to power, achieved little of note as a California bureaucrat or a United States senator, and was eventually given the VP nod by a man who declared ahead of time that he was making the choice based on race and gender.
But other than that, sure.
She's an inspiration.
Now let's get to our five headlines.
So if you live in Georgia, please go vote.
Please go vote Republican.
And all I can say to you is, if you've never believed or trusted anything I've ever said, at least believe this.
That if you're a Republican in Georgia, The people who have been telling you, who call themselves Republican or Conservative, and have been telling you not to vote, or insinuating that maybe you shouldn't vote, these are, without exception, carnival-barking grifters, who don't care at all about the future of this country and are just in it for attention, or Democrats, in disguise.
Without exception.
I mean, I guess we could possibly leave open the possibility for a third category of just absolute morons.
So maybe there are a few of those, but that's basically all you got.
The people that are telling you not to vote and to allow the Democrats to take over the Senate, these are grifters, frauds, morons.
Or all three.
If you yourself are not a grifter, fraud, or moron, then please go vote, because it would be fairly disastrous to have the Democrats controlling the entire government for at least two years.
That's not something we can afford, so please vote.
Alright, number one.
Senator Josh Hawley, who will be objecting to election certification tomorrow, was not at his home in D.C.
last night, but his wife and baby were at home.
And so were a bunch of left-wing scumbags who came to his house to harass them.
And here's how that went.
We're not going to let people hold our democracy hostage.
We're not going to let them infringe on our rights.
Every ballot has been counted.
It is over.
So when democracy is under attack, what do we do?
When democracy is under attack, what do we do?
What do we do?
We are not going to let these fascists, racists, and ignorant people come into our town and come into our community.
D.C.
has a mask mandate on coronavirus cases are twice as high as they were a month when the pandemic first came out.
Nine months later, 10 months later, Okay, so you see there, they're at the door, megaphones shouting and screaming in the neighborhood at night.
And he's not there.
He's in a different state.
His wife and child could not travel with him, so his wife and child are there.
He's not, and they're shouting.
Now, of course, the claim from the left today is, oh, they're being peaceful.
They didn't kill anybody this time.
It's a very low bar now for these people.
No, this is obviously intimidation.
There's only one reason why you go uninvited to somebody's house at night to scream at them.
There's only one reason you do that, and that is to intimidate them.
Especially if their wife and child is there, and they're not even there.
So this was an intimidation tactic, the kind of thing we see from the left all the time, the kind of thing that is openly encouraged by leftist Democrats, politicians.
And it's one of these days it's going to have a disastrous end.
Number two, this is interesting.
Cardi B was on Instagram Live doing some kind of broadcast on New Year's Eve and singing along to her song WAP.
And now you may recall, this is a song that prompted criticism from people like myself, people like Ben Shapiro, and we were mocked and made fun of.
We're used to it.
I mean, I can speak for myself.
I think probably Ben is too.
So it didn't really hurt my feelings, but we were attacked for criticizing this song, WAP, and saying that it's degrading to women.
And in fact, part of our argument is it's not the kind of song you'd want your daughter to listen to or to hear, right?
And we were told that this is ridiculous, it's empowering, it's a wonderful song.
Well, apparently Cardi B agrees with us.
She's the person who made the song.
She agrees with us.
Because here she is singing along to the song, and then her daughter walks in, and watch what happens then.
then watch.
[VIDEO PLAYBACK]
[INAUDIBLE]
No, no, no, no, no, no.
OK, so she's singing to the song.
The daughter walks in.
She quickly turns it off and says, no, no, no, no.
And now she's ushering the child.
Looks like her daughter's about, I don't know, probably her daughter's about five years old or something, four or five years old.
You could easily say, well, it's different because it's a child.
And of course, this has been the justification given by Cardi B. She was criticized for this and people were pointing out, seems like a kind of a contradiction on your part.
Because you don't want your own daughter to hear the song, and she says, oh, I make songs for adults.
These are adult songs.
Which, first of all, can I just point out how sad it is that the word adult has now become associated with this kind of toxic sewage?
It should be, if you're making something for adults, it should be that it's intelligent and substantive, and it would go over the heads of the children.
That's why it's not for children.
It's like Russian literature is not for children, because it's for adults, because the kids wouldn't understand it.
It's too intelligent for them.
But now when we say, oh, it's for adults, we mean it's actually even dumber than the kinds of things that we would let our kids watch.
But anyway, is the issue just her age?
So you say, no, I just don't want my daughter to listen to it right now.
Okay, well then I would ask you, Cardi B, or anyone else, if you don't want your daughter listening to that song at the age of 6 or 7, I agree, I don't want my 7-year-old daughter listening to that, but my question is, at what age do you want your daughter to listen to that?
You don't want her listening to it at 7.
Do you want her listening to the song at 12?
Do you?
Do you want her listening at 16?
Do you want her listening when she's 30?
Now, when she's 30, you can't stop her from listening, but do you want her to?
Is that the kind of thing, is this the kind of material, is this the kind of message that you would ever actually want your daughter to be exposed to?
I'm not saying, you don't have to point out, well, we can't protect our kids from this forever, eventually.
I understand that.
But is there ever a time, you take a song like this, will there ever be a time in your daughter's life When you actually would really actively want her to be exposed to it.
I think, unless you're an abusive parent or an absolute creep, the answer is no.
Of course you would never actually want your daughter listening to that, whether you could stop her or not.
And that's the point.
That's our whole criticism.
If there's something being put out into the world That no parent would ever actually want their child at any age to be exposed to?
That should tell you something about that material.
Just something to think about.
Number three, here's a creepy PSA from the government in Canada.
We'll just play this and then talk about it.
Check it out.
Every time you wear a mask, remember it's so one day we can all go back to doing this and this.
Every time you wash your hands, remember that eventually it'll all be worth it for them and them.
Every time you hang out here, remember that at some point we'll all be able to get together here, here and here.
Protect yourself and others from COVID-19.
A message from the Government of Canada.
Yeah, every time I see PSAs like this, I always think, well, I've been doing that kind of stuff the whole time.
So, not so much the, well, some of that there, dancing, I haven't really been doing that.
And we can't go to sporting events, but getting together with people, getting together with friends, going to restaurants, I'm doing that right now.
So, I think you can actually still do that, even when there is a virus out there.
It's not the virus that's stopping us from doing that, it's the government stopping us from doing that.
So the government is saying, we're stopping you from doing this, but obey us on this piece over here, and do as you're told, and then we'll let you start doing this again.
That's the part they leave out.
It's, we will let you do this once you do that.
Number four, from the Daily Wire, it says, actress and abortion activist Busy Phillips ...has revealed that her 12-year-old child is gay and uses they-them pronouns.
Speaking of an episode of her podcast, Busy Phillips is doing her best.
That's the name of the podcast.
She said that her child, Bertie, came out as gay.
She said, quote, for those of you who are my friends listening at home, this is the first you're hearing that Bertie is gay and out.
Bertie told us at 10 years old, and we immediately knew.
We knew that Bertie knew.
So let's go to a clip from the podcast now.
Here she is, Busy Phillips, recounting a conversation with her 12-year-old daughter.
Who she saddled with the name Birdie, which was really just the first of many abuses, it turns out.
Listen to this.
Bird said, um, I said, you know, Bird, I've been doing a bad job with the pronouns because Birdie said that they would like their pronouns to be they them.
And I haven't been doing it.
And I said, because like I have this, Um, public persona, and I want Birdie to be in control of their own narrative and not have to answer to anybody outside of our friends and family if they don't want to.
And then Bird was like, "I don't give a f***."
Like, I would, I, you can talk about that I'm gay and out.
You can talk about my pronouns.
I, that would be cool with me.
That's great.
So I said, okay, I'm just, I'll, I can talk about it on the podcast.
And Brady was like, yeah, talk about it on the podcast, mom.
Okay.
I threw my phone on the ground.
Sorry.
Anyway, so, um, yeah, it's been wild.
So Birdie, my out kid, prefers they them.
I f*** up sometimes, but we're, I'm trying my best.
I wish this was similar to the Kamala Harris situation, and I could say that this is an invented conversation that she had with her 12-year-old daughter.
But I don't think it is.
I think that, unfortunately, that conversation really happened, where her 12-year-old daughter was telling her her pronouns, and then when Busy Phillips asked whether she could reveal this on the podcast, the 12-year-old daughter responded, I don't give an F. I think that's a real conversation.
Because that's the kind of mother that Busy Phillips is.
Now, it shouldn't surprise us, as was noted, she's an abortion activist, and she's bragged in the past about getting abortions.
So, this is how she sees her children.
She sees her children, as unfortunately many parents, especially in the left, do, in a dehumanized way.
She sees her child as either trash that can be discarded, like the one that she killed, or as political problem.
Or even not a political, just a prop.
Something to be shown around.
An accessory.
Maybe is a better word for it.
And that's what she's doing here.
Kind of like locking her daughter in to this identity by announcing it publicly.
There's no good reason.
There's no good loving parenting sort of reason.
To take your child's confusion, and they're working through it, and you just broadcast it to the entire world.
That's not gonna help you.
I mean, even for a moment, just putting aside everything else, and pretending that it could be legitimate for a 12-year-old to identify as they-them, or it could be legitimate for anyone to identify as they-them, which, of course, it isn't, because it doesn't mean anything.
But putting that aside, There's no reason to tell the world about it.
There's no reason to publicize it.
She's 12 years old, for God's sake.
How will it benefit her for the whole world to know about this?
And Busy Phillip says, well, I asked her.
I asked her and she said she doesn't give an F, so I did it.
Yeah.
Once again, this is the theme we see so often.
Especially with parents who have children who are gender confused.
So often what we see are the parents looking to the children for guidance.
The parents saying to the kids, you show me the way.
You tell me what I'm supposed to do here.
I'll let you take the lead.
No, no, that's not what you say to your 12-year-old.
That's not what you say to your 12-year-old.
Your 12-year-old needs you to be the adult.
Your 12-year-old needs you to be the rational one.
Your 12-year-old needs you to be the one who can see beyond the nose on your face, who can think in the long term.
Kids can't do that.
That's the point.
Psychologically, they don't have the capacity yet for things like long-term planning.
They can't do that at 12.
They can't do it at 16.
They certainly can't do it at 7 or 8, or whatever other age now where kids are, quote unquote, deciding they want to transition.
They can't do that.
They don't have the psychological, neurological capacity for it.
You do, or you're supposed to, as an adult.
So you're supposed to be the one who says, listen, no, I'm not going to put this out there for the whole world.
We're going to keep this between us, private.
And also, you're obviously confused.
You're working through some things.
Let me help you out.
We'll take you to counseling.
Let's try to figure out what's really going on here.
You're a girl.
It's wonderful that you're a girl, but you don't want to identify as a girl.
There's obviously something happening here.
So let's figure it out.
You take the child to counseling.
You help them.
If your child comes to you and says, I'm they them, that is your child saying, I am confused.
I don't understand.
I don't know who I am.
And I don't know who I am because you, the parent, have failed.
It's your job to help me figure out who I am.
To help me figure out, if I'm a girl, what it means to be a girl in the world.
You're the mother.
That's what you're supposed to be doing.
That's what your child is really saying to you.
Only they're not saying exactly that audibly because they don't have the capacity to say it.
They don't understand their own feelings.
This kind of thing will never fail to just infuriate me, especially as a parent.
I don't think you need to be a parent to be disgusted and infuriated by this kind of madness.
But as a parent, I just, I have kids myself and the idea of me turning to them for guidance or the idea that they would make some mostly incoherent declaration about their own identity and I would just take it seriously and assume that it's meaningful and just go with it.
It's mind-boggling to me.
They're kids.
I'm the adult.
That's the way the relationship is supposed to work.
All right, let's go.
Speaking of mind-boggling, but in a different way, in a better way, in a good way, there's a book coming out, which I will be sure to purchase, titled Extraterrestrial, The First Sign of Intelligent Life Beyond Earth, and it's authored by a Harvard professor who says that alien life has been confirmed.
He says that we know it's real, it's been confirmed, we've already seen the evidence, and he makes a persuasive case.
In my mind, it's persuasive, though admittedly, I'm mostly persuaded because I really want... I'm persuaded by every UFO claim basically because I want it to be true.
And so I'm letting my emotions guide me, which is exactly what adults aren't supposed to do.
But in this case, I think I'll make an exception for myself.
Anyway, here's the report from Fox 5 in New York.
Listen.
This is the very first object that we have detected from outside the solar system.
that entered the solar system and passed near the Earth."
Harvard University Astronomy Department Chair Avi Loeb also serves as director of the Institute
for Theory and Computation, the founding director of the Black Hole Initiative, and the chairs
of both the Breakthrough Starshot Advisory Committee and the National Academy's Board
of Physics and Astronomy.
Next week, a paper he co-authored appears in the Astrophysical Journal Letters, providing
one - he would say the first - scientific explanation for a mysterious something now
named a muamua that passed by Earth on its journey from another solar system a year ago.
"It happened to be very weird."
Weird first because of its shape, either very long or very flat, based upon the sunlight reflected from it.
But most peculiarly, a muamua appeared to accelerate.
We see such an additional force in comets and that's due to the evaporation of ice on the surface of the comet.
But a muamua displayed no cometary tail or change in its rotation.
And for that to be effective, the object needs to be very thin.
Less than a millimeter in thickness.
the object.
The object was a little bit bigger than the object
itself.
The object was a little bit bigger than the object itself.
The object was a little bit I'm sold completely.
But again, only because I want to be.
is that some other living being not from this solar system created that light sail, which
we Earthlings also aspire to build, and a muamua represents not a piece of space rock,
but a highly technologically advanced probe from some alien civilization.
I haven't seen any other compelling possibility at the moment.
I'm sold completely.
But again, only because I want to be.
The more critical side of my brain, though, says that, you know, this is the kind of thing
that makes people sometimes skeptical of scientists, because what do we really have here?
What we actually have is a tiny, from our perspective, as far as we could see, this tiny infinitesimal blur on a screen.
You know, some small object is out there, millions of miles away in space.
And that's all we know.
That's all we've got.
And so this Harvard professor has constructed this whole narrative around it.
He's wrote an entire science fiction novel, basically, around that little blur on the screen.
And he's just, he's proposing it as fact.
Like, this is what happened.
It's a light sail from an extinct alien civilization.
But I want to hear the whole story.
I don't know if I really, you know, I like the story.
I want to hear the story.
Whether it's true or not.
But it is fascinating stuff.
Who knows?
It could be.
So you can't prove that it's not a light sail from an extinct alien civilization.
And that's enough for me, personally.
These days, lots of people are animal lovers, pet owners, pet people.
I'm not so much myself, but my wife is.
And we have a cat at home.
And that's why I know from my wife's perspective, and if you're a pet owner, you know you have a responsibility to take care of your animal.
And to keep your pet healthy.
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Let's get to our daily cancellation.
Now, today we're going to be canceling tipping.
I am at this moment calling for a complete and total shutdown of tipping until we figure out what the hell is going on, to paraphrase Donald Trump.
Now to be clear, I don't consider myself to be a cheap person.
Growing up, my dad would always tip 20-25% as a baseline starting point at restaurants.
I have inherited this custom and will also generally tip 20-25%, sometimes more actually, partly as an act of generosity and partly as an apology.
Because I have four young kids, and as a consequence, we leave our tables looking like a pack of wild dogs has just been dining there.
Except the dogs at least would eat all their chicken nuggets, which is more than I can say for my daughter.
But in any case, the point is, I have always tipped well, I think.
And I've tipped the pizza delivery guy well, also.
And the cab or the Uber driver.
And of course, if I'm staying at a fancy hotel, then I know I'm supposed to tip basically everyone who happens to glance at me.
At fancy hotels, employees will invent weird and unnecessary things to do for you just so they can get a tip.
Somebody will, like, come to your room at 8.30 in the morning and spoon-feed you granola and clip your toenails.
You're supposed to tip them $5.
And I've always gone along with that.
I have prided myself as a tipper.
But recently, I have reached my limits.
Because the problem is that now everybody expects a tip.
Whereas before you were only supposed to give a tip in certain limited and specialized circumstances, now every person who rings up a purchase at a cash register or pours you a cup of coffee wants to be tipped for their trouble.
The solicitation for tips can come in only these mildly invasive ways, like there's a tip jar left out on the counter, or sometimes in slightly more obnoxious forms, like when you're handed a receipt or told to confirm your purchase on an iPad.
That's a big one now.
They flip the iPad around and you're supposed to click through.
How much gratuity do you want to leave?
But sometimes, and I've had this experience more than once, especially recently, the person ringing up the purchase will actually ask you outright whether you would like to add a gratuity, like asking you verbally, applying social pressure and attempting to make you look like a jerk to the other customers in line if you say no.
Now, fortunately, in my case, I'm used to being a jerk in public, so I have no problem responding with, no, I don't want to add a gratuity, or the more passive aggressive, no, but thanks for asking.
Many kinder and gentler people than myself, however, are guilted into tipping a dollar or more on a coffee that's already twice as expensive as it should be.
The situation is entirely untenable.
The average cost of living in America has increased by upwards of 65% in the last two years because of excessive tipping.
Don't fact check me on that figure.
It's emotionally correct, if not factually correct.
So I have to put tipping on probation, banning it across the board temporarily, Until sanity can be restored to the proceedings.
And here's some sanity.
Just because you work in customer service doesn't mean you automatically deserve a tip.
You are getting paid a wage, after all.
Customers are already paying for the good or service you're providing.
Here's the way I look at it.
Tipping should only come into play if three conditions are met.
Number one, it's a low-paying service job.
Two, it's a service that I could not or would not want to perform myself.
And three, my experience as a customer can be greatly enhanced by your excellent performance or greatly diminished by your poor performance.
So those are the three conditions.
This is why we shouldn't always have tipped waiters.
Waiter has a low paying job.
And the fact that the customer is at a sit-down restaurant means they don't want to cook and serve themselves.
And the quality of the customer's experience at the restaurant is highly dependent on the quality of the waiter's service.
A bad waiter means a bad time.
A good waiter means a good time.
Barbers and pizza delivery guys also meet all three conditions.
But what about a cashier ringing up my items at a grocery store?
Often they ask for a tip now, too.
But they shouldn't receive one because, yes, condition one, low-paying job is met, but conditions two and three are not.
I would gladly use the self-checkout if it's an option.
So it's not a service I couldn't or wouldn't do myself.
And though there are people who somehow find ways to be very bad at running cash registers, there really isn't any way to be excellent at it.
So my experience as a customer will be about the same with an excellent cashier as it is with a mediocre one.
The barista pouring my coffee, Also should not be tipped because she fails to meet all three conditions.
Again, condition one is met, okay?
Low-paying job.
But I could, without much trouble, pour my own coffee if given the option.
In fact, at some places, they'll just hand you the empty cup and have you fill it yourself, yet even then they want to tip.
The simple act of picking up an empty cup and doing this, like just, just that.
This is it.
This is what earns you a tip now.
Here you go.
That'll be three extra dollars.
You get a financial bonus for doing that.
This system, with the three conditions I've outlined, also explains why we don't tip, say, airline pilots.
In their case, conditions two and three are met.
I can't fly the plane myself, and my experience as a customer would be quite unpleasant if the pilot isn't good at his job.
But condition one is not met.
Airline pilots are paid handsomely, and for good reason.
Now the only category that throws my system for a loop are the endangered species known as bathroom attendants.
They used to be a lot more common than they are today, but you still find them sometimes standing by the sinks.
At like a bar or a restaurant, handing out towels and mints.
I've always tipped them, even though I could quite easily grab my own towel, and I'm really not interested in mints that have been saturating in the fumes of strange farts all day.
But I tip mainly out of pity, because they have to stand there in the bathroom experiencing the sounds and smells of human waste plopping ominously into toilets.
Or near toilets, at any rate.
An exception was made for bathroom attendants.
But now everybody wants the bathroom attendant exception.
Now everybody expects a tip.
Even random people online will post their Venmo or GoFundMe soliciting funds for no reason after having provided you absolutely no service of any kind whatsoever.
They just say, hey, by the way, if you want to give me some money, here it is.
It's not even tipping anymore.
This is panhandling.
And we have to pull back from it, while we still can.
Before it gets so out of hand that you'll be bankrupted just by running errands for three hours on a Saturday afternoon.
So tipping is cancelled.
At least for now.
And if you enjoyed what I had to say here, you can always send me a few bucks through PayPal or Venmo.
If you want.
If you want to give me a tip.
But otherwise, tipping is cancelled.
And that's going to do it for us today.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Thanks for listening.
Have a great day.
Godspeed.
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Thanks for listening.
The Matt Wall Show is produced by Sean Hampton, executive producer Jeremy Boring, our supervising producers are Mathis Glover and Robert Sterling, our technical director is Austin Stevens, production manager Pavel Vodovsky, the show is edited by Danny D'Amico, our audio is mixed by Mike Coromina, hair and makeup is done by Nika Geneva, and production assistant McKenna Waters.
The Matt Wall Show is a Daily Wire production, copyright Daily Wire 2021.
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