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Sept. 28, 2020 - The Matt Walsh Show
37:24
Ep. 573 - Another Trump Bombshell Fizzles

Today on the Matt Walsh Show, the media obtained President Trump’s tax records. The big scandal is that Trump managed to legally keep a lot of his own money. Somehow I am not able to feel much outrage about this. Also Five Headlines including another revelation in the Jacob Blake shooting, and Amy Coney Barrett is officially announced as Trump’s SCOTUS pick. The attacks from the Left have been as deranged as expected. Plus the Daily Cancellation and more. If you like The Matt Walsh Show, become a member TODAY with promo code: WALSH and enjoy the exclusive benefits for 10% off at https://www.dailywire.com/walsh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Today on the Matt Wall Show, the media obtained President Trump's tax records.
The big scandal is that Trump managed to legally keep a lot of his own money.
Somehow, I'm just not able to feel much outrage about this, though the media wants me to.
Also, five headlines, including another revelation, the Jacob Blake shooting, and Amy Coney Barrett is officially announced as Trump's SCOTUS pick.
The attacks from the left have been as deranged as expected, but we'll go over some of them, plus the daily cancellation.
Much more, all that on the way.
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All right.
Well, You know, I think back to 2018, all those centuries ago, it feels like, when Michael Cohen, Trump's lawyer and fixer, his Harvey Keitel from Pulp Fiction, his guy who goes in and figures out how to hide the bodies, you know, that's what we were told anyway, when that guy turned on Trump and revealed that he had been secretly recording conversations with his former boss, and he gave those tapes to the media.
Now think about that.
A guy who is now President of the United States, a guy who we're told is corrupt down to his bones, has been secretly recorded by his lawyer, and the media has the tapes.
What sort of deep, dark, dirty misdeeds will they uncover?
One can only imagine.
Except one need not imagine.
It's on tape.
What a score.
Well, then CNN played the tapes.
And they weren't nearly as exciting as we had hoped.
Or anticipated.
Mostly, they just discuss normal business dealings.
At one point, they apparently talk about buying the rights to a story about a Playboy model who says she had an affair with Trump, but you can't even really hear Trump's part of the conversation.
Regardless, listening to the tapes, you know, an honest person couldn't help but think, well, if this is the worst thing they have, in secret recordings between Trump and his lawyer, then maybe he isn't the criminal mastermind that CNN wants us to believe he is.
It's the same thing with all the tell-all books, the various White House officials leaving the administration, turning around and revealing everything that happened.
They have some things that they say that, you know, aren't very flattering to Trump, though you can't necessarily believe all of it anyway.
But we've been told that Trump is the embodiment of evil.
He's corrupt, he's criminal, he's a Russian asset, he's a fascist warlord.
You'd expect some indication of that when all of these secrets are dumped out in front of the public.
Instead, we're always left with the impression that if the stuff is true, Trump is kind of a jerk, which we already knew, but he isn't the mob boss the media wants him to be.
And then we add to this the FBI investigations, the impeachment.
They've gone through every aspect of Trump's life and business looking for skeletons.
And they haven't really found them, which at a certain point makes a rational man conclude, maybe there are no skeletons.
All of this comes to mind when reading about the next big media scoop that's supposed to bring down Trump for real this time.
No, for real, for real this time.
The New York Times has obtained Trump's tax records.
And by obtained, of course, we mean that someone Trump trusted with his finances turned around and gave it to the media.
If there's any crime uncovered here, it's that.
The crime is in the uncovering, not in the thing that was uncovered.
What do the tax records reveal?
Well, the website dnyuz.com has helpfully given us the bullet points, so I'll read them here.
Mr. Trump paid no federal income taxes in 11 of 18 years that the Times examined.
In 2017, after he became president, his tax bill was only $750.
He has reduced his tax bill with questionable measures, including a $72.9 million tax refund that's the subject of an audit by the IRS.
Many of his signature businesses, including his golf courses, report losing large amounts of money, losses that have helped him to lower his taxes.
The financial pressure on him is increasing as hundreds of millions of dollars in loans he personally guaranteed are soon coming due, even while declaring losses.
He has managed to enjoy a lavish lifestyle by taking tax deductions on what most people would consider personal expenses, including residences, aircraft, and $70,000 in hairstyling for TV.
Ivanka Trump, while working as an employee of the Trump Organization, appears to have received consulting fees that also helped reduce the family's tax bill.
And then it says, as President, he has received more money from foreign sources and U.S.
interest groups than previously known.
The records do not reveal any previously unreported connections to Russia.
Now, to be clear here, Clear here, there is no known crime involved in any of this.
The refund that they talked about that's questionable is in audit right now.
It's going through the proper channels.
The rest of it is entirely legal and above board.
Once again, we have the same effect.
Even if you don't like the fact that Trump paid so little in taxes, if he's a crook, you'd expect his personal financial records to reveal something more than that he's creative in his tax deductions.
And not even that creative, actually.
The media is making a lot of the fact that Trump, as it mentioned, deducted his hair styling expenses for TV.
But all of the media people panicking over it are doing their panicking with professionally styled hair and professional makeup.
The studios that they're in have stylists and makeup artists on staff.
If any of those media people had to pay for it themselves, they'd be deducting it too.
It's a completely legitimate deduction for a TV personality.
Any accountant of a TV personality that doesn't tell them to deduct those sorts of things is guilty of malpractice.
There's really nothing strange about it.
And that's the case for most of this, at least as far as the taxes go.
Trump took advantage of the tax law to mitigate his tax liability as much as possible.
If you don't like that he could mitigate it that much, take it up with the people who write the tax law.
Trump is working within the boundaries of the law.
If you think those boundaries should be tightened, your qualm is not with Trump, who had nothing to do with setting the boundaries in the first place.
Now, I admit I'm biased, okay?
Personally, I have never been able to generate significant emotional outrage against people who manage to keep most of their own money at tax time.
Even illegally, criminal tax evasion, which isn't what this is, But just to give you an idea of my own leanings, full disclosure, even criminal tax evasion doesn't make me very angry.
I reserve most of my moral disgust and outrage for child rapists, murderers, people of that sort.
Those guilty of stealing their own money from the IRS just don't raise my hackles, to be honest with you.
But if they do it legally, as Trump did, well then, not only am I not outraged, but I admire your ingenuity.
Or at least the ingenuity of your accountants.
And I like their numbers.
If I recognize any serious moral obligation when it comes to taxes, it's to keep as much of your hard-earned money as you can.
You certainly have no moral obligation to pay one dime more to the IRS than is required.
Many of us do pay more than is required, but not intentionally.
If you intentionally do it, you're not moral.
You're a sucker.
You're a sap.
You're probably clinically insane, actually.
Listen, the government already brings in over three trillion dollars a year in taxes.
Three trillion dollars.
That's enough money that if you put it all in a stack, it would nearly reach the moon.
Again, I say that our moral obligation is to contribute as little to that grotesque behemoth pile as we can.
The government takes way too much and wastes way too much.
Only give it what it forces you to, not one penny more than that.
And this has always been my opinion.
I didn't come up with it now to defend Trump.
It's just that I'm not going to make an exception in order to criticize Trump, which is what most people in the media do.
I mean, just be honest here for a minute.
Let's say that your accountant, if you have one, comes to you and says, hey, you're going to owe $5,000 in taxes, but you forgot to deduct this and that.
And you also forgot to claim this and that.
And if you do all that, you'll actually get a $500 refund.
Now I ask, Who among us would respond, no, that's okay, I'll pay the five grand?
Who among us?
If you actually don't want that five grand, then give it to charity.
Give it to a struggling family member.
Hell, give it to me, I'll take it.
Don't give it to the IRS.
Anything but that.
It would be a greater moral deed to stuff it down the garbage disposal than to give it to the IRS when you don't actually legally owe it.
Of course, you could point out that the real problem here is that rich people are able to navigate and take advantage of the tax code, while the non-rich end up paying way more than they need to because it's impossible to navigate the tax code without high-priced accountants.
I would agree with you there.
And that is an argument for simplifying the tax code.
And it may be an argument for a flat tax, something easier and the same for everybody.
Or really, here's even better, it's an argument for abolishing the IRS and income tax entirely.
That stack of $3 trillion I mentioned earlier, half of that is from the income tax.
Take it away and the government is still collecting, or rather sucking in, absorbing, like a black hole, $1.5 trillion a year.
I think it should be able to get by on a paltry $1.5 trillion.
So get rid of the income tax for everyone and we no longer have this problem.
Or keep it and let it remain complicated and labyrinthine in complexity.
And if we do that, just don't complain when rich guys like Trump take advantage, as any rich person would, including you.
Let's get to our five headlines.
All right, and I hope you guys noticed and appreciated, by the way, my bookcase, if
you're watching on YouTube right now.
By the way, subscribe to my YouTube channel if you haven't yet.
But the bookshelf behind me, nice and pretty finally.
It had looked a little bit like a serial killer's bookshelf would, I imagine.
Not so much in the content of the books, but just in the...
haphazard way that they were all there. Or maybe serial killers would actually...
Okay, let me back up on that. I think serial killers would actually probably
have very neat books. So now it's a serial killer bookshelf, and you can
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Because we're selling the house, and so now everything has to look pretty,
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I have to admit, it's a pretty bookshelf, finally, for the first time.
Speaking of making your house look nice and pretty, another way to do that is with nice artwork.
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Okay, well, this should come as a shock to no one, really.
In fact, if you're a thinking person, it shouldn't.
In fact, I predicted exactly this a week ago, and I'm barely a thinking person.
But it's good to have some confirmation.
So, according to the attorney of the officer involved in the Jacob Blake shooting, the officer thought Um, going back to that day, the officer thought that Jacob Blake was trying to kidnap a child.
In fact, the woman who called 911, that would be Blake's alleged rape victim, Ex-girlfriend was was screaming according to the officer.
She was screaming. He's got my kid. He's got my keys and He did he had the he had the the his alleged victims keys
to her car And that's the car that he was trying to get it wasn't his
car It was it was cars didn't belong to him. He's trying to
steal it apparently And she that's what she was indicating. She was indicating
that he was trying to steal the kids and the car Now as I said, it was clear from the beginning that there
was probably some kind of domestic thing going on here involving the kids
Um, The officer also says that Blake had a knife, had been fighting with the cops, we knew all of that.
But now we also know, according to the officer anyway, that, and this is consistent with the facts of the case and everything we've seen, consistent with the evidence, that Blake was trying to get into a car, not his car, with a knife, evade arrest, and drive away with three kids.
No way the officers could let him do that.
So, you know what?
Even take the knife out of it, resisting arrest, everything.
Just the idea of letting a man who is wanted for crimes, wanted for domestic abuse and sexual assault, to get into a car that is not his, and to evade arrest by driving away with kids who he doesn't even, we can presume, doesn't have custody of.
There's just no way you can allow a person to do that if you're a police officer.
You can't allow him to do that.
Any measure must be taken to prevent that.
And they tried non-lethal measures.
You may remember, they tried to tase him.
It didn't work.
He resisted.
And the attorney argues, and he's right, that if the officers had not shot, and Blake had gotten into the car and driven away, and then something had happened to those kids, Everybody would be blaming the officers for not doing more to save them, and you know what else?
We could pretty much guarantee it.
They would still be accused of racism even then, because then it would be said that, well, they didn't care enough about black children, because they're racist, and so they let this guy drive away, and then something horrible happened to the kids.
We all know that's what would happen.
So, the moment those officers arrived on the scene, it was a lose-lose situation.
It didn't matter what happened.
Lose-lose.
But it looks like those officers did the right thing anyway.
So it's not just that they shouldn't be blamed or they didn't commit a crime, it's that they acted heroically to save these innocent children.
And they should be given a lot of credit for that.
Number two, it was made official on Saturday, Judge Amy Coney Barrett is Trump's nominee for the Supreme Court.
Here he is announcing the news.
Today it is my honor to nominate one of our nation's most brilliant and gifted legal minds to the Supreme Court.
She is a woman of unparalleled achievement, towering intellect, sterling credentials,
and unyielding loyalty to the Constitution, Judge Amy Coney Barrett.
Of course, the left, as expected, did its thing, jumping into action,
finding ways to smear Barrett, which is no easy task, because, like Trump said,
she's a respected and brilliant judge, she's a loving mother, impeccable credentials,
everyone likes her, good-looking woman, I mean, the total package.
So what do you do?
How do you go about this?
Well, fortunately, if you're a lunatic with the moral sensibilities of a tapeworm, then it's not much of a challenge to attack a woman, even a woman like this.
So here's Ibram X. Kendi.
Antiracism expert, supposedly.
The guy we mentioned, you may remember him, last week we mentioned him.
He got paid 20 grand from a school district in Virginia to do a Skype session where he talked about why white people are bad.
And he got paid 20,000.
So this guy's got a nice little racket going.
And he chimed in to explain why, in fact, Barrett adopt because she's also an adoptive mother.
She's adopted, I believe, two children.
And he's explaining why Barrett adopting black children, something that most people would
see as a mark in her favor, character-wise, is not.
In fact, it's the opposite.
He says, some white colonizers adopted black children.
They civilized, quote, these savage children in the superior ways of white people, while using them as prompts in their lifelong pictures of denial, while cutting the biological parents of these children out of the picture of humanity.
That's what he had to say about... That's how he looks at adoption.
Most of us, we look at it, and I watch this, and it really did appear to be just a wonderful, beautiful, loving family.
Sincerely.
You know, I know that politicians and people that are in the political scene, which unfortunately now Supreme Court justices are, whether they should be or not, and they shouldn't be, but, you know, they all try to give the impression of having wonderful, loving, fully intact families, and we know that oftentimes that's certainly not the case.
But, in this case, it really seems to be.
It's just a loving, good, wholesome family.
Most of us see that, and that's how we feel about it, but people on the left, they look at it and they're... Somehow, they're disgusted by it.
So this is what they're gonna go with.
They're really gonna go with this.
She's racist because she has black children.
Because she has black children.
That's the line of attack.
You know, like we talked about with Trump before, you know, it's like they have all this stuff on him and they haven't really found where the bodies are buried, so it makes us think maybe there are no bodies.
Well, even more so with Amy Coney Barrett, that they're coming through her life looking desperately for something.
They'll take anything they can.
And what they have to settle on is attacking her because she adopted kids.
That tells you how clean her record must really be.
Impressive.
Number three.
Well, the election is basically over now, folks, I think.
We haven't even had the debate yet.
That's happening tomorrow.
But I think this sort of seals the deal for Joe Biden.
Because the moment we've been waiting for has happened.
Dwayne The Rock Johnson has given his endorsement.
Watch.
Happy Sunday, everybody.
We are approximately five weeks away from Election Day, arguably the most critical election our country has seen in decades.
Now, that said, I'm going to be pushing this political conversation just a little bit more.
Now, you know, look, I've got friends in all parties, but the one thing that we can always agree on is the conversation and the dialogue and where that conversation lands is always the most critical part.
Now, this is something that I've certainly not done in the past, so I'm gonna go big.
You guys know me.
If I go, I go big.
So, guys, I had the opportunity to sit down with Vice President Joe Biden and Senator Kamala Harris to talk about a number of important issues that we're facing as a country.
I thought it was a great and extremely productive conversation that we had, and as a registered independent for years now with centrist ideologies, I do feel that Vice President Biden and Senator Harris are the best choice to lead our country, and I am endorsing them to become President and Vice President of our United States.
OK, now just a few quick points, if I may.
First, look, I'm in no position to body shame The Rock.
He could quite clearly snap me in half with his pinkies, I'm sure.
But at the same time, I do feel like the muscular physique gets a little bit absurd at a certain point.
Doesn't it?
You cross through a threshold at a certain point where it's like, okay, dude, just relax.
Take it down a notch.
I get the point, just take it down a few notches.
And I think the rock is teetering close to that line.
It's a little much is all I'm saying.
That's it, that's all I'm trying to say.
Second point, probably more to the point.
Why did Joe Biden sit down with the rock?
I mean, and when did this happen?
Biden has been working two-hour days for the last, like, 19 weeks.
He calls it a LID on the day at 9.30 a.m.
most mornings, and yet he had time to meet with Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Is that why he was calling a LID?
In order to have extensive meetings with the Rock?
I'm imagining five- or six-hour-long meetings every day for weeks on end, hashing out domestic policy, foreign policy, everything with the Rock.
That's what I'm imagining.
But as usual, my imagination has no connection to reality.
Actually, because we have the conversation, here's what the conversation between The Rock and Joe Biden really sounded like.
You guys are both obviously experienced to lead.
You've done great things.
Joe, you've had such an incredible career.
You've led, in my opinion, with great compassion and heart and drive, but also soul.
And you and I talked about that in the past and how important soul is.
And Kamala, I'm going to embarrass you just for a little bit because I'm going to talk a little bit about your amazing experience.
And you have been an attorney, a district attorney, a state attorney, a U.S.
senator, smart, tough.
I've seen you in those hearings.
And in my opinion, you are a certified badass.
Well, he grilled them, didn't he?
He really He held their feet to the fire.
But he was also definitely, I hope you noticed that, he was definitely reading all of that information about Kamala Harris.
He didn't know anything about her.
He was saying, Kamala, I know so much about you.
I've always been a huge supporter for your whole career in the Senate.
Yeah, big fan of Kamala Harris there.
But in fairness to him, and this is why I give him credit, I think he is a pretty good actor, to pretend that you're a big fan of Kamala Harris, that's no easy task.
So that's probably his greatest acting moment, I think was right there.
Number four, in more celebrity news, singer John Legend says that he and his wife, Chrissy Teigen, are thinking of maybe leaving the United States if Donald Trump is re-elected.
Now, as many have pointed out, this seems like a bit of an idle threat, considering they apparently just bought a $17 million mansion in Beverly Hills.
Not the kind of thing you do if you're planning on fleeing a country because it's become a fascist wasteland.
In fact, not the kind of thing you could do, probably, if it was a fascist wasteland.
But besides that, of course, you just have to reflect on the psychotic narcissism of these celebrities, that they think it's some sort of I don't think anyone's going to have that reaction.
Even if you're a fan of John Legend, what do you care where he lives?
Like, no, don't leave us, please.
We can't go on without you, John Legend.
I don't think anyone's going to have that reaction.
Even if you're a fan of John Legend, what do you care where he lives?
What difference does it make?
It's a little similar on a smaller scale.
It reminds me of the thing that people do to me online all the time.
They probably do it to you too.
But on social media, I get this kind of thing all the time on a smaller scale where someone will threaten to unfollow me or unfriend me because I express an opinion they don't like.
And my favorite is when they say something like, you know, I'm really thinking of unfollowing you now, Matt.
I'm thinking of it.
This opinion that's got me thinking I might unfollow.
And again, it's as if I'm supposed to break down in tears and plead with them and say, no, I'll change, I promise, don't leave me.
It'll be different this time, I promise.
We can go to counseling together.
No, it just doesn't work.
The threat doesn't work.
Nobody cares that much.
Whoever you are, whether you're John Legend, you're just a normal random person on the internet, no one cares that much what you do or what you think, so don't try to hold it as a bargaining chip.
Number five, finally, this is interesting, from the Daily Star, always a reputable publication.
It says, real-life inception as scientists figure out how to plant ideas in dreams.
And then it goes on, it may sound like a plot of inception, but scientists have figured out how to plant ideas
into other people's dreams.
Researchers at MIT Media Lab's Fluid Interfaces have been testing a new technique called
targeted dream incubation, which allows them to insert topics into someone's dream.
Let's see.
How do they do this?
The study involved 25 participants taking daytime naps.
Before going to bed, they would record audio prompts in an app such as, remember to think of a tree, and remember to observe your thoughts.
Okay, then they've just... Okay.
Well, that's a bummer.
I thought this would be some kind of fancy technological thing, like hacking into someone's brain, you know, something from the Matrix.
But no, they just remind themselves before going to bed, hey, I should think of a tree.
And then they wake up and say, yo, I had a dream about a tree.
I don't know.
Why is this a new revelation?
And why is it being studied at all?
And speaking of dreams, being on a research team where my whole job is to listen to dream stories from other people, that's my nightmare.
That's my personal nightmare.
Because there is nothing worse than listening to someone drone on about their stupid dream that they think is so profound, and they tell you about it, but really it's just boring.
They tell you, they say, oh man, I had a dream last night where I was walking down the road, and then the road turned into a snake pit.
And then the snakes turned into candy canes, and I started to fly, and next thing you know, Ronald Reagan was there, and... No.
Stop.
First of all, you're embellishing half of this, and I can tell.
Second, I don't care.
Dreams are only interesting to the dreamer.
To everyone else, a dream is just bad storytelling.
Rule of thumb, we should take that with us, all of us.
Dreams are cancelled before we get to our real daily cancellation, which we'll get to in just a second.
But first, as mentioned, the debate is tomorrow night.
Fight night.
At 9pm Eastern, 6pm Pacific, Donald Trump and Joe Biden will face off in the first of three presidential debates this election season.
Will Biden fall asleep?
Will Trump wear a mask?
Many questions.
You can join us for an all-new episode of Daily Wire backstage to watch the debate with us and get our immediate live reaction to this major political event.
And even better, join Daily Wire now as an insider or All Access member and get 20% off with code DEBATE so you can watch all the debate coverage live on our Apple TV or Roku app.
Members get our articles ad-free, access to our live broadcast, the show library, the full three hours of The Ben Shapiro Show, exclusive readers pass content available only to Daily Wire members, And if you're considering an All Access membership, you get to join us on All Access Live every night for online live stream discussions.
Those are a lot of fun.
So watch the debate with us on dailywire.com, YouTube, Facebook.
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All right, let's get to our daily cancellation.
A quick daily cancellation today.
We're going to cancel Jill Falopovic, a noted feminist who, being a feminist, commits uncancellable infractions every day, but this one actually has little to do with feminism.
Here's what she tweeted.
I know the thing parents hate most is when non-parents assert what they will do as parents, which is inevitably smug and incorrect, but I am 100% sure I will never assent to a kid's menu or the concept of kid food.
And then she continues, everyone who is like, oh, this is so unrealistic, just wait until
you're a parent.
Do you think children in most of the world order off of the kids menu and survive primarily
off of chicken fingers and plain pasta?
Now, I'm not interested in spending much time discussing the merits of the children's menu.
I can only tell you that as a parent of four children ages seven and younger, not only do I not avoid places with children's menus, but I won't take my family there unless they have a children's menu.
In fact, what I'm really looking for is a restaurant with a children's menu That gives out crayons for the kids to use before the food comes out, and that is loud and obnoxious and filled with whiny, crying kids throwing chicken nuggets all over the place, squirting ketchup on the walls.
I want a restaurant that is just a nightmare of loud noises and questionable smells.
For me as a parent, that's going to be the least stressful, least anxiety-inducing environment, because it means I don't have to worry about my own kids being loud and obnoxious.
I know they'll fit right in.
The worst thing imaginable is when you go to a restaurant with a bunch of kids and you walk in and it's quiet and there's a bunch of older people without children eating and they have like fancy cloth napkins at the table and the entrees have names you can't pronounce and there's no children's menu and they don't sell corn dogs or boneless chicken wings.
That's when you know you're in for a stressful dining experience.
Those are one of the most stressful moments as a parent of young kids.
Every noise your child makes will reverberate through the establishment.
And if, say, your seven-year-old son makes a fart noise, which causes your three-year-old son to laugh hysterically and make his own fart noises, the older couple at the table to your right will look and shake their heads with horror as if this is the first time they've ever been in the vicinity of young boys.
And this is what you have to deal with.
So, as a parent, that's what you're trying to avoid at all costs.
No, give me loud, dirty, cheap, unhealthy.
That's what I want in my dining establishments if I have kids with me because that's where I know I'm home.
But that's all a side issue, really.
The real point is that we have here the classic faux pas that even Jill herself acknowledges.
She acknowledges what she's getting herself into.
This is a non-parent making a confident declaration about what she will do or not do when she's a parent.
All non-parents do this.
All current parents did do this before they were parents, and we all regret having done it.
We all look back on our past selves when we said things like, when I'm a parent, my kids will never eat sugary cereal, or when I'm a parent, my kids will never watch TV, or when I'm a parent, my kids will never walk through the grocery store in bare feet because they lost their third pair of shoes this week, and I was so fed up with it that I said, fine, you're just gonna walk around without shoes all day if that's what you want!
And we think back to that and we laugh at ourselves and we wish that we could reach back through time and space and grab ourselves by the shoulders and shake ourselves and say, stop talking, you fool.
You know not what you say.
But we can't.
So we are stuck with what we said.
Doomed forever to carry the yoke of our past ignorance.
Let me give you an example from my own life.
I can remember as a non-parent when I used to drive in my car.
And driving in my car as a non-parent, like everything else, was easy and carefree.
I could listen to music.
I could maybe listen to an audiobook.
I could roll down the windows and enjoy the breeze.
It was quiet.
It was tranquil.
Just me and the open road.
And I remember sometimes my tranquility would be interrupted when I would end up behind a minivan in traffic and I would notice that it had a TV.
And the TV was playing cartoons or a Disney movie or something.
And then I would always shake my head and say, ah, what a shame.
TV in the car.
The car is a time for quiet reflection or fruitful conversation, not TV.
Those parents are clearly inferior to the parent that I will be when I am a parent.
Yes, when I'm a parent, I shall never let my kids watch TV in the car.
It will never happen.
And then I had kids.
At first, I stuck with my previous pronouncement, mainly because I didn't have a TV in our car at the time, so it was sort of easy.
But after a few years, we purchased a Chevy Suburban that has a TV that drops down from the ceiling.
And I remember saying to my wife, upon purchasing the vehicle, as I tried desperately to remain obedient to the pointless rule I had set for myself, I said to my wife, we are not going to use this thing.
I forbid it.
And I stuck to my words on that, valiantly, for about three hours.
But you know, the thing about kids in the car is that they're a lot like kids outside the car, except now you're stuck in a metal box with them as you careen down the road at high speeds.
There isn't going to be any quiet reflection.
And if there's any conversation in that environment, it will be fruitful only in spurts.
But most of the conversation will revolve around philosophical questions like, are we there yet?
Can I have a snack?
I need to pee.
Luke called me a poopyhead.
Other similar topics, all coming at you relentlessly for hours on end.
Unless you put on the TV and, like magic, it all stops.
And you realize now that you're the one in the car, rather than being the judgmental, pretentious, know-nothing in the quiet, peaceful sedan behind you.
And you realize that there actually isn't any particularly good reason not to turn the TV on, other than out of some weird sense of principle.
But it's a principle grounded more in the need you felt as a non-parent to believe that your hypothetical parenting skills were superior to the actual parenting skills of actual parents.
So you turn on the TV, and you enjoy the silence.
At least as much as you can, because now instead of listening to the kids fight, you have to listen to Scooby-Doo.
It's a trade-off.
Not a perfect one, but you'll take it.
There are a lot of trade-offs like that in parenting.
But that's simply a reality that you can't fully appreciate or realize until you have kids.
Until you're down there, in the trenches, with them, every single day of your life.
So what I would recommend, if you're not a parent, just seriously, take it from me, never say anything about what you will or won't do when you have kids.
Nothing.
I don't care how obvious you think it is.
Because you never know.
Just don't say one damn word.
And then you can go into parenting when you finally have kids without dealing with the judgmental gaze of your own past self.
That's my tip.
And so yeah, Jill Filopovic is cancelled, and all non-parents who say stuff like this are cancelled, which means I'm cancelled.
You know, we're all cancelled.
Everyone's cancelled.
This is another one of those.
We're all cancelled.
Okay.
We'll leave it there.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Thanks for listening.
Godspeed.
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