The Megyn Kelly Show - 20220715_disrupting-the-entertainment-industry-empathy-on-a
Aired: 2022-07-15
Duration: 01:38:07


=== Welcome Back to the Show (02:25) ===

[00:00:50]  Welcome to the Megan Kelly Show, your home for open, honest, and provocative conversations.
[00:01:13]  I did something that I rarely do.
[00:01:15]  I rarely do.
[00:01:15]  You know, I live the interviews live.
[00:01:18]  I do them live.
[00:01:19]  I experience them in the first person.
[00:01:22]  And so I don't always go back and listen to them because I've already done it.
[00:01:25]  But every once in a while, I need to.
[00:01:29]  Even I found it so entertaining.
[00:01:30]  I'm like, I just need to take it in as a consumer.
[00:01:33]  And I did that the last time Andrew Schultz was on the program, which was March of 2021.
[00:01:38]  And I was laughing out loud again.
[00:01:40]  I took my dogs on this hilariously long walk and just laughed and listened and learned and was entertained on every level.
[00:01:49]  Way back then, we talked about the state of comedy, about Joe Biden, Trump, Mormons, breastfeeding, porn, pubic hair, and this movie Swingers.
[00:01:56]  So, with that in mind, where is there left to go?
[00:02:00]  Plenty, plenty of places.
[00:02:02]  Andrew Schultz is a comedian.
[00:02:03]  He's a podcast host.
[00:02:04]  He rose to fame during the pandemic in 2020 with his incisive and hilarious videos.
[00:02:10]  His new special, he's got a barn burner out now, once it's coming out on Sunday officially, was supposed to come out on a streaming platform this month.
[00:02:21]  But then, guess what?
[00:02:22]  They went to Andrew and said, You got to cut this joke and that joke and this joke.
[00:02:28]  And we really don't want to offend anybody.
[00:02:30]  And, you know, you could sense the downward spiral.
[00:02:32]  And Andrew said, You can pound San.
[00:02:35]  Instead, he bought the special back with his life savings, and now he's releasing it on his own this weekend and needs your support so that he too is not under the thumb of these big streaming platforms, which try to censor anybody who's at risk of offending even a comedian whose job that literally is.
[00:03:14]  Andrew, welcome back.

=== Cutting Jokes for San Francisco (15:19) ===

[00:03:16]  Great to have you.
[00:03:17]  Thank you so much.
[00:03:18]  Hi, Megan.
[00:03:18]  How are you?
[00:03:19]  I'm awesome.
[00:03:20]  I'm so excited to congratulate you on your nuptials.
[00:03:24]  I understand you got married since the last time I saw you.
[00:03:28]  Not only did I get married, I think part of my honeymoon you were at.
[00:03:36]  What I was, I was on your honeymoon review.
[00:03:39]  Were you staying at the Borgo San Andrea in a malfi?
[00:03:44]  Yes.
[00:03:44]  Wait, were you there?
[00:03:46]  I thought it was you and you were with your family.
[00:03:49]  And I'm kind of like private on vacation, so I don't really like bothering people.
[00:03:53]  But I thought it was you, but I've never seen you in a bikini before, so I didn't know for sure.
[00:03:57]  And so I was like, do I want to have that interaction if it's not her?
[00:04:03]  And then I was like, I'm not going to bother.
[00:04:05]  But your husband's a hunk.
[00:04:07]  Holy shit.
[00:04:09]  Isn't he?
[00:04:09]  I think so.
[00:04:10]  No.
[00:04:11]  I'm biased.
[00:04:12]  My God, if I had known that you were sitting there while I was in a bikini, I definitely would have sucked things in more.
[00:04:16]  I wish you had given me some sort of a heads up.
[00:04:18]  I've tried a little harder.
[00:04:19]  I thought it was all for us.
[00:04:21]  You were killing it.
[00:04:22]  You were absolutely killing it.
[00:04:23]  And that's the best hotel I've ever been to, by the way.
[00:04:26]  It was unbelievable.
[00:04:27]  It is so beautiful.
[00:04:28]  So the audience knows it's only a couple of years old and it's truly like built into a cliff.
[00:04:33]  It's like something out of a movie where it's just like, you know, I picture those movies from like the 1960s where the women wore the head scarves that like blew in the convertible and the guys had the best sunglasses and a cool jacket on.
[00:04:47]  And it's just like, it's like time travel.
[00:04:50]  Yeah.
[00:04:50]  You're in a bond film.
[00:04:51]  That's what it was like.
[00:04:53]  Right.
[00:04:53]  So wait a minute.
[00:04:54]  So did you take a delayed honeymoon?
[00:04:56]  Because I thought you got married before.
[00:04:58]  So I got married in December.
[00:04:59]  My wife got COVID at the wedding.
[00:05:01]  So we had to cancel our like little honeymoon that we were going to do after that.
[00:05:06]  And yes, so we pushed it off.
[00:05:07]  And then we did Italy and then the end of, oh, look at that picture right there.
[00:05:11]  And then we did Italy at the end.
[00:05:14]  And then the Borgo is this thing that was just thrown to us and suggested to us by this great travel agent.
[00:05:21]  And it was just the most amazing place I've ever been to in my entire life.
[00:05:25]  It's the first, like, I've traveled a lot.
[00:05:26]  It's the first time I went to a place where I'm like, I'm not checking off a box.
[00:05:30]  I'm going to come back here.
[00:05:31]  Yeah.
[00:05:32]  Yes.
[00:05:32]  No, it was spectacular.
[00:05:34]  We felt the same.
[00:05:34]  My kids were like, oh, you know, they saw this hotel.
[00:05:39]  And the thing about the Mediterranean is it's, it's got all the beaches are, they're not sandy.
[00:05:43]  They're rocky.
[00:05:44]  So you have to wear your little, you know, your little flip-flops down to the beach.
[00:05:48]  But the water, the waters, it's not exactly like the Caribbean, but it's, it's close.
[00:05:52]  It's warm.
[00:05:53]  It's clear.
[00:05:54]  It's beautiful.
[00:05:54]  It's safe.
[00:05:55]  And all the Italians were like, no sharks, no sharks.
[00:05:58]  Like, great.
[00:05:58]  Yeah.
[00:05:59]  It was, it was wild.
[00:06:00]  It was, you got to watch out for the jellyfish, though.
[00:06:02]  My wife got stung by a jellyfish and I had to piss on her on the boat.
[00:06:07]  It was kind of, it was the highlight of the honeymoon, to be honest with you.
[00:06:10]  That is not actually a thing.
[00:06:13]  It happened.
[00:06:14]  I had to pay the captain of the boat to drop her off near where the jellyfish were like 100 euro, but it was 100% worth.
[00:06:22]  It was 100% worth getting to do that on our honeymoon, you know, and save her, heroically doing it.
[00:06:29]  I didn't want to when I had to save my wife, you know.
[00:06:32]  Such a good man.
[00:06:33]  That's really a lot of bonding for early on in the marriage.
[00:06:38]  So I want to ask you about your wife because she seems amazing.
[00:06:41]  She's beautiful.
[00:06:42]  She's getting her master's degree or MBA at the NYU Stern School.
[00:06:47]  This is obviously a very smart, beautiful woman.
[00:06:51]  So, and I mean this in the kindest way possible.
[00:06:54]  How did that happen?
[00:06:56]  What is she doing with me?
[00:07:01]  I don't know.
[00:07:02]  That's a great question.
[00:07:03]  I don't know.
[00:07:03]  Maybe she likes, maybe she likes comedy too much, I guess.
[00:07:06]  I'm not exactly sure.
[00:07:08]  How did you guys meet?
[00:07:09]  She slid in the DMs.
[00:07:11]  Alpha female.
[00:07:12]  No.
[00:07:12]  Went after it.
[00:07:13]  Yeah.
[00:07:14]  Just went after it.
[00:07:15]  We went on a date.
[00:07:16]  I think I would say, I'll be honest, I would say like second date.
[00:07:20]  I was like, I'll probably marry her.
[00:07:23]  As corny and cliche as that sounds.
[00:07:24]  I was like, I think I'm getting married.
[00:07:26]  I just really liked.
[00:07:29]  I just really liked, I just really talking to her.
[00:07:32]  I talk to people for a living and that's really important to me.
[00:07:36]  And I'm like a curious person.
[00:07:38]  I'm always interested in what people have to say.
[00:07:40]  And selfishly, I mixed it because it could be something to comment on and think about and could change my worldview.
[00:07:47]  But at the same time, it's, you know, she's just a very kind of interesting, insightful person.
[00:07:52]  And, but I really like sharing with her.
[00:07:55]  And I've been dating a lot and just, you know, going around the city like crazy and kind of like morphing my personality a little bit to every girl that I was dating.
[00:08:03]  And this was like the first person I went on where I was being like authentically myself.
[00:08:08]  And we got along and I was like, this is awesome.
[00:08:10]  Like I get to be myself and the girl seems to like it.
[00:08:13]  And I could do this for a long time.
[00:08:16]  Oh, I'm not surprised because you're very smart.
[00:08:18]  I mean, as the best comedians tend to be, you're very smart.
[00:08:22]  So it doesn't shock me that you wind up with a very smart woman.
[00:08:26]  But I like the fact that your slid into the DM story ends better than the Dave Portnoy's slid into the DM stories.
[00:08:34]  What was that one?
[00:08:35]  Well, he's like got all these young women who are quote, like he always says, sliding into the DMs.
[00:08:40]  And then it winds up with the women going to BuzzFeed and saying, oh, he treated me terribly after I flew out them out to see him without knowing him for one time.
[00:08:48]  You know, I never met him before.
[00:08:49]  I flew out to go see him.
[00:08:51]  And the next thing I know, he was spitting in my mouth and he was treating me shitty.
[00:08:55]  And he, and it's like, I'm not defending Dave Portnoy.
[00:08:58]  He's not treating the women nicely, but what do you expect?
[00:09:01]  But yeah, but and those things are mutually exclusive.
[00:09:03]  Like you can be like, like a shitty person and spit in someone's mouth in a fun way.
[00:09:09]  Yeah.
[00:09:10]  You know, like one thing does not mean the other.
[00:09:14]  Like some people are, you know, really into that.
[00:09:17]  That's a really awesome, like fun adventure, you know, and then they get married and then all of a sudden that is not fun anymore.
[00:09:24]  And then that stops.
[00:09:25]  So hypothetically speaking, hypothetically.
[00:09:29]  I've never known a woman whose thing that has been like spit in my mouth.
[00:09:33]  No, that's disgusting.
[00:09:34]  You know what?
[00:09:35]  There was a story just this week.
[00:09:36]  Speaking of spit in my mouth, okay, so here's a transition for you.
[00:09:39]  They're shooting the new Thor movie and Natalie Portman is, I guess, a vegan and she's the female lead.
[00:09:47]  And Chris Hemsworth is playing Thor and he apparently eats meat, bison, whatever at every meal.
[00:09:54]  And she was saying, oh, he's so sweet.
[00:09:56]  The morning of our love scene or when we had to have a kiss, he didn't eat meat because he knew he was going to be kissing me.
[00:10:05]  Wow.
[00:10:05]  This is not.
[00:10:06]  I mean, the sacrifices we make, the sacrifices we make for one another.
[00:10:11]  I mean, wow.
[00:10:12]  As if like that would be breaking her vegan code, touch tongues with somebody who had had some.
[00:10:19]  Oh, Natalie.
[00:10:20]  She was a bust in that movie.
[00:10:22]  She looked like she was on protein, like the real meat protein.
[00:10:24]  Did you watch the film?
[00:10:26]  I haven't.
[00:10:26]  I haven't seen a movie in forever.
[00:10:28]  And I don't really like the superhero movies.
[00:10:30]  I got to be honest.
[00:10:30]  They're not for me.
[00:10:31]  You didn't see Top Gun?
[00:10:33]  I haven't.
[00:10:34]  Well, I've seen original Top Gun, but I haven't seen Maverick.
[00:10:36]  Oh, my God.
[00:10:37]  I mean, Top Gun is a perfect film.
[00:10:40]  There's no movie theaters where I am on the Jersey Shore.
[00:10:43]  There's literally no movie theaters.
[00:10:45]  Megan, drive into the city, okay, with that hot piece of ass husband of yours, okay?
[00:10:50]  And let him take you to a beautiful movie theater and watch Cop Gun Maverick and just enjoy pure raw Americana.
[00:10:59]  I honestly believe in Scientology after it.
[00:11:02]  That's how good it was.
[00:11:04]  That's how good it was.
[00:11:05]  That's why I'm in LA.
[00:11:07]  I got to see what's going on over here.
[00:11:09]  You're going to pledge your allegiance to the clam.
[00:11:11]  That's the thing.
[00:11:12]  It's crazy because that's really, you get to that point, apparently, if you get involved enough in Scientology where you learn that they worship a clam.
[00:11:18]  And I was definitely labeled a suppressive person by Scientology because I did all this reporting on them.
[00:11:23]  I was told that by Mike Rinder, who was one of their grand poo-bas.
[00:11:26]  And I had these images of being like, when they finally grabbed my garbage and did shit, I'd be like, back off or the clam gets it.
[00:11:33]  I just have what it's already, you know, like, and that would really be threatening to them.
[00:11:38]  It is so weird, I guess.
[00:11:40]  I don't know.
[00:11:41]  I guess they're all, people just need organization.
[00:11:44]  I think that's what it is.
[00:11:44]  People need somebody to tell them what to do.
[00:11:46]  And that will make their life a little bit easier.
[00:11:48]  You know, you don't have parents anymore.
[00:11:50]  And if you don't have traditional religion, you just need somebody.
[00:11:53]  It's a weird place, Hollywood, you know, like, and you've existed within it in some way.
[00:11:58]  It's like everybody's constantly catering to you.
[00:12:01]  Like, you're on set for 12 hours a day, and everybody's bringing you.
[00:12:04]  You want a croissant?
[00:12:05]  A guy brings you a croissant, a coffee.
[00:12:07]  And like, imagine spending like years within that world.
[00:12:10]  That will warp you as a human being, like, sap any humility when everyone around you is like a servant.
[00:12:17]  It is, that is a dangerous place to be for an extended period of time.
[00:12:20]  So I could see why they would walk into a place and then somebody like slaps them or something.
[00:12:26]  And they're like, whoa, that's fun, but that hasn't happened to me for a long time.
[00:12:31]  Yeah.
[00:12:32]  Spit in my mouth.
[00:12:33]  You know, like, whatever.
[00:12:37]  The Scientologists, I will give them this.
[00:12:39]  They've got principles that you could admire in terms of like being self-sufficient.
[00:12:45]  And, you know, you can get yourself out of this.
[00:12:47]  And if you have negative forces in your life, get rid of them.
[00:12:50]  I like that stuff, but it really goes off the rails when you get to once they put the Campbell soup can up against your ear as the solution to solving all your problems.
[00:12:59]  They amass their blackmail files.
[00:13:01]  That's time to get off the train.
[00:13:03]  Yeah, the blackmail files are interesting.
[00:13:04]  So what is it?
[00:13:05]  You got to like, you got to say if you did anything gay in college or something like that's how you get anything, anything that could be used against you.
[00:13:11]  You know you're supposed to purge it, I guess, but really it's being written down and it will be held against you if you try to leave Scientology or try to pull your kids out of Scientology.
[00:13:20]  I mean Leah reminisced with Mike Rinder on that special.
[00:13:24]  She does, uh.
[00:13:25]  But you know there's been enough people who came out that Getting Going Clear was the greatest documentary ever where they really expose what they do.
[00:13:32]  It just gets really crazy.
[00:13:34]  But I mean look, you're not wrong, there are a lot of like my husband read under the banner of Heaven about the beginnings of the Mormon church and then he was like I can't vote for Mitt Romney.
[00:13:43]  I like I, he wears the full body underwear.
[00:13:45]  I don't think I can go there.
[00:13:46]  Yeah, but Mormons are awesome, though they're so awesome.
[00:13:51]  If you don't want to wear full body underwear though coming no, full body underwear is a lot, but like just hanging around them.
[00:13:57]  They're always like positive and fun and they're just like if I had a Mormon neighbor I wouldn't lock my doors.
[00:14:02]  Like if you could just pick neighbors.
[00:14:04]  You just want Mormons.
[00:14:06]  Yes, they're not.
[00:14:07]  No, I want to convert to Mormonism.
[00:14:09]  I, I want to convert there before my kids get to drinking age, just so I can be like, so, we don't drink, we don't do anything bad, we're holistic, we love the lord, that's it.
[00:14:18]  It's not that crazy.
[00:14:19]  Like every, every religion has something really fun in it that you're like, they got this right 100 just because I mean i'm, i'm an observant, i'm getting more observant Catholic.
[00:14:31]  Um, we have Christmas, but I don't know if I describe it as like fun, but I can sing other virtues.
[00:14:36]  Catholicism is making a comeback, is it?
[00:14:40]  I don't know.
[00:14:40]  I just thought it'd be a good thing to say no, but you know what?
[00:14:47]  You know what's interesting about Catholicism, though?
[00:14:50]  Because when I was in Italy, I kind of thought about this like like everybody okay here, just roll with me on this.
[00:14:56]  Okay, this is like half formed, but every, if you live long enough, doesn't matter how progressive you are at when you're young.
[00:15:04]  If you live long enough, You become like the bigot that the new progressives look at, right?
[00:15:09]  Yeah, and they could admit that like biological men can be women and all that.
[00:15:14]  Exactly, right?
[00:15:15]  Like everybody's gonna have a thing.
[00:15:16]  Like the same people who are like hippies in the 60s are having these opinions now.
[00:15:20]  They're like, What is transgender?
[00:15:22]  What's going on?
[00:15:22]  And they were like the most progressive in the 60s, right?
[00:15:25]  So, and I'm in Italy and I'm kind of like observing what's going on.
[00:15:29]  And I'm looking at this like ancient culture.
[00:15:31]  And you're looking at like, you even go to like, for example, Pompeii.
[00:15:34]  There's like a brothel in Pompeii, right?
[00:15:36]  And it has pictures of all the things you can do.
[00:15:38]  And there's like, you went, did you saw it?
[00:15:41]  And you did you see how nasty some of the things were.
[00:15:43]  There was like, you have sex with like kids and animals and shit, right?
[00:15:46]  This is like disgusting, right?
[00:15:49]  And everybody in ancient Greece and like, let's say, antiquity, right?
[00:15:54]  Ancient Greece, ancient Rome, they have like little boys that they're having sex with.
[00:15:58]  Like everybody has like a little boy concubine.
[00:16:00]  And then Catholicism comes in and starts to clean some of that up.
[00:16:04]  They're like, hey, stop fucking the animals.
[00:16:06]  Stop fucking the little boys.
[00:16:08]  Like you got to chill the hell out.
[00:16:09]  Okay, Michelangelo, you can do it because you're good at painting, but everybody else, stop with the little boy sex and stop with the animals, right?
[00:16:16]  And fast forward 2000 years, Catholics are known as the boy fuckers.
[00:16:22]  And I wonder if there's like these priests that like really studied like Catholic history that are looking around the world going, you know how lucky you guys are?
[00:16:31]  You know how many more boys would be fucked if it wasn't for us?
[00:16:35]  Like we cut the whole thing out.
[00:16:39]  You know what I mean?
[00:16:40]  I don't think anyone's saying this is why.
[00:16:43]  This is why the special didn't make it on the streaming platform.
[00:16:46]  It might be.
[00:16:47]  It might be.
[00:16:48]  But you could argue that they objectively like cleaned up 99% of boy sex around, you know, Catholic countries.
[00:16:56]  It definitely was a mission that went off the rails in more modern times and perhaps before.
[00:17:02]  It's so hard because like I go to the church every Sunday and I bring my children, but like, would I, would I let my kids be altar boys?
[00:17:11]  Or now you can be an altar girl.
[00:17:12]  But obviously the problem was with the boys.
[00:17:14]  No, I would not.
[00:17:16]  I wouldn't.
[00:17:16]  Really?
[00:17:19]  I just like, why take the risk?
[00:17:20]  It's like, I also tell my kids, especially my boys, but it's true for girls, like, if you have a teacher who gets like too close or wants to spend like a lot of time with you privately after school, and especially if they ever say don't tell mom or dad, run, tell us.
[00:17:34]  No, like, you have to be, it's sad.
[00:17:36]  You got to beware of these.
[00:17:38]  And the pedophiles know to go to the places where the children are.
[00:17:42]  If you're pedophiles, they take advantage of the institutions for sure.
[00:17:45]  Yeah, you don't take the job at AARP.
[00:17:47]  You know, you go to the Boy Scouts or you go to the place where the kids are.
[00:17:51]  So it's like, as a parent, you're going to learn this soon as you guys start having kids.
[00:17:56]  Like, you got to be on guard.
[00:17:57]  You know, you got to see the trouble coming.
[00:17:59]  Yeah.
[00:17:59]  I'm, that is a terrifying thing because like there are those ages.
[00:18:04]  Like, what is it?
[00:18:05]  You know, like, I don't know if you've ever gone to like therapy, but like, if you know, you're talking to your therapist and like my wife and I were planning on having kids.
[00:18:13]  So I was like, let's like do a little therapy, you know, and like make sure that we work everything out because once these kids are here, I don't know if we're going to have time to work out our shit because we're going to be raising these children.
[00:18:21]  You know, it's got to be.
[00:18:24]  Yeah, we'll be tired.
[00:18:25]  And, and so, like, we're in therapy and just like talking about these things.
[00:18:30]  And it's so interesting how many things from your early childhood affect who you are now, right?

=== Parenting and Adult Attention (06:37) ===

[00:18:35]  I'm talking like the first like six years, maybe even 10 years.
[00:18:39]  And I'm just wondering, like, God, like, what, should we just not even let kids leave our site for 10 years and then they could do whatever they want?
[00:18:49]  It's terrible.
[00:18:50]  You know, like, but the first 10 years won't do it.
[00:18:53]  It's, you got to go longer.
[00:18:54]  I mean, I look at my daughter right now, she's 11.
[00:18:57]  She just turned 11 in April.
[00:18:59]  She's newly 11.
[00:19:01]  I've been saying to my friend, I'm like, she's in this Lolita phase where she looks like a woman, but she's a little girl, you know?
[00:19:07]  And it's like, I'm in high, like, mother protective, I'm mama bear mode, like, back off, stay away, you know, like, she's a kid, she's a baby.
[00:19:16]  But it is, I remember that scene from to Jillian on her 37th birthday.
[00:19:21]  Do you remember that film with Michelle Pfeiffer and Peter Gallagher with the eyebrows?
[00:19:25]  He's got the big fuzzy eyebrows.
[00:19:27]  Anyway, there's a scene in there where Peter Gallagher is an uglier version of your husband.
[00:19:33]  I can see that.
[00:19:34]  Yeah.
[00:19:34]  That's how hot your husband is.
[00:19:36]  Doug is hot.
[00:19:37]  I nailed, I nailed it, so to speak, three times.
[00:19:45]  It's actually funny.
[00:19:46]  This is a diversion.
[00:19:48]  When I met Doug, he was 35 and I was 35, or he was 34 and I was 30.
[00:19:52]  He's nine months younger.
[00:19:53]  And I was like, there's no way he's not gay or a serial killer.
[00:19:59]  There's no way he comes to me at this good looking at age 34, never married.
[00:20:03]  There's an issue.
[00:20:04]  What is it?
[00:20:05]  You know, and my office mate at Fox News was Major Garrett at the time.
[00:20:09]  And newly into the relationship, Doug sent me flowers.
[00:20:12]  And Andrew, it was the lamest like 1-800 flowers bouquet he could possibly have ordered.
[00:20:16]  Must have spent him like $25 on it.
[00:20:18]  And Major Garrett looks at the bouquet and he goes, Well, he's not gay.
[00:20:27]  So I'm like, okay, let's see.
[00:20:28]  Let's find out about serial killer.
[00:20:30]  So as soon as I go to his apartment, the first thing I do is like, you know, I get up early.
[00:20:33]  I start searching all the closets.
[00:20:35]  I'd start looking at all the drawers.
[00:20:36]  Like, is there any evidence of serial killer here?
[00:20:38]  Whatsoever.
[00:20:38]  Turns out not a serial killer.
[00:20:40]  Just a great guy who happens to be very good looking who just never settled.
[00:20:44]  I know.
[00:20:45]  It's amazing.
[00:20:46]  That is crazy.
[00:20:48]  That is absolutely crazy.
[00:20:50]  Now, I will say my wife met me when I was 35.
[00:20:55]  So I'm just saying, sometimes hunks slip through the cracks, you know?
[00:21:03]  It just is what it is.
[00:21:04]  Sometimes we just get ignored for years, you know?
[00:21:07]  And then we have that like, you know, I'm sure he was struggling.
[00:21:12]  I'm sure a guy like that was just struggling for years.
[00:21:14]  Then finally, you know, somebody saw something in him.
[00:21:17]  It was, it was, I will, I'll say this: when Doug and I first went, so many people are going to Google your husband after this conversation.
[00:21:24]  He will not disappoint.
[00:21:25]  You'll see he's a very attractive man, but he has no vanity.
[00:21:28]  That's the interesting thing about Doug.
[00:21:30]  Like, I can't understand how he's not vain.
[00:21:32]  He doesn't own a hairbrush.
[00:21:34]  He never, like I said on the air earlier this week, all he wears is one outfit, his shorts and his Mickey Mouse t-shirt.
[00:21:39]  Like he does, he's got no threads.
[00:21:41]  He's got no fashion.
[00:21:42]  He's delightful, but he's like, puts no effort into being good looking.
[00:21:45]  He just is.
[00:21:46]  It's kind of annoying.
[00:21:47]  It's mildly annoying.
[00:21:48]  But anyway, what's I going to say?
[00:21:50]  Oh, I wanted to go back to the Jillian on her 37th birthday.
[00:21:52]  So I was going to say about the daughter was walking down the beach on that Claire Danes, who was then young.
[00:21:58]  And from the back, she looked like a woman, but she was still like a young teen.
[00:22:02]  And this is the father looking at his own daughter, like, oh my God, look at that.
[00:22:05]  She's hot.
[00:22:06]  Look at that ass.
[00:22:07]  And it turns out it's his daughter.
[00:22:09]  Now, this did not happen to us.
[00:22:10]  I would like to note for the record, but my daughter's at the age now where you, I can see adult men like noticing her.
[00:22:17]  And it's, it's freaking me out.
[00:22:19]  And I'm sure in your shoes and certainly my husband's shoes, it's really going to freak you out.
[00:22:24]  Oh, I mean, like, my, my, um, my wife had essentially kind of like our niece.
[00:22:29]  It's like a family friend, but you know, when your family becomes almost like your relatives.
[00:22:32]  So this is basically like our niece staying with us.
[00:22:35]  And she's like 14, I think, just going into high school.
[00:22:39]  And she had like grown-up nails on.
[00:22:44]  I don't allow that.
[00:22:45]  Okay.
[00:22:46]  And it was the weirdest thing because I'm looking at this like really fun, like girl, and she's so adorable.
[00:22:51]  And, but the nails, like, if you look at her hand, it looked like a grown person.
[00:22:56]  And I'm like, there's certain thing I will, I don't think, like, I don't think my daughter, I don't think I'm doing the heels thing until you're like 25 or something.
[00:23:04]  Like, well, definitely not.
[00:23:08]  That's hard because they're all doing it.
[00:23:09]  Well, you, they say they go to the little dances.
[00:23:11]  And I'm telling you, they all wear these dresses that look like more like a belt than a skirt at the bottom.
[00:23:16]  It's like, where's the rest of it?
[00:23:18]  I've become the old lady who's like, where's the rest of it?
[00:23:20]  As my Nana said to me the one time she saw my dress, she goes, is that your dress in your petticoat?
[00:23:25]  Like, what the hell's a petticoat?
[00:23:28]  I become that lady.
[00:23:30]  But when you were probably 18, 19, 20, that's how you wanted to dress.
[00:23:35]  Or even when you were probably 14, 15, that's what you want to do.
[00:23:39]  And then we all become, I don't know, you see him through a different light.
[00:23:44]  Well, I'm really hoping she's going to follow my husband to bring it for full circle, his fashion sensibilities, because I believe the reason Doug arrived to me at 34, never married, good looking and great job and all that, is because of his fashion sense.
[00:24:00]  Now, I have improved it.
[00:24:01]  The Mickey Mouse shirt with the shorts is an improvement over what came to me, Andrew, which was for date number one.
[00:24:08]  Okay, number one, where you're not even trying to impress.
[00:24:11]  I was already on the air.
[00:24:13]  Nobody knew me, but it's like, okay, you're going out with this cute girl from Fox News.
[00:24:17]  You try a little.
[00:24:18]  You try.
[00:24:19]  Ask somebody.
[00:24:20]  He wore high-waisted khaki pants with like the flap front, you know, like it flaps over and you like slide.
[00:24:28]  Dick Tracy?
[00:24:29]  Yes, like a Dick Tracy.
[00:24:31]  Yeah, like not even like with a button and a zipper, like a flap front and a yellow golf shirt.
[00:24:38]  I'm like, his hair was all down.
[00:24:41]  I'm like, oh my God, talk about a diamond in the rough.
[00:24:47]  He really had to want it.
[00:24:48]  And I do believe it was sabotaged by the women who came before me, you know, who are like, they never tried to dress him up a little so that he could get even, you know, reach his potential.
[00:24:59]  And then, you know, I was like, I was confident enough to do that, Andrew.
[00:25:02]  I was like, I'm going to get you the nice threads.
[00:25:04]  Three months into our relationship when I was still making no money.
[00:25:06]  I was new at Fox.
[00:25:07]  I was not making dogs.
[00:25:08]  And I gave him the nicest Christmas of his life.
[00:25:10]  He's like, you are the most generous person.

=== Escalating Relationship Conflicts (07:38) ===

[00:25:12]  Like, that's just me.
[00:25:15]  This is so funny.
[00:25:16]  My wife dresses me every single day.
[00:25:20]  I'm not surprised.
[00:25:21]  Like, completely transforms my style.
[00:25:24]  Whatever I wear, she picks out.
[00:25:26]  It's amazing.
[00:25:26]  Yeah.
[00:25:27]  There's something.
[00:25:28]  Yeah, you need to, that's beautiful.
[00:25:30]  Good.
[00:25:30]  Yeah.
[00:25:31]  You want to be a good person.
[00:25:32]  That's her confidence in your love and your relationship.
[00:25:35]  She's not worried.
[00:25:36]  Despite all the adulation you get on stage, she's like, He's mine.
[00:25:40]  I got this.
[00:25:41]  That is true.
[00:25:42]  That's a good point.
[00:25:43]  Like, if she was putting me in ugly stuff, that'd be her way of being like, here, put this on.
[00:25:48]  Nobody's going to fuck you.
[00:25:49]  Yeah.
[00:25:50]  Exactly.
[00:25:51]  It's got to be hard for somebody who's married to somebody like you.
[00:25:54]  Like, I watched the special and it was great, by the way.
[00:25:58]  And I love how you begin it with the like, Andrew.
[00:26:02]  I don't know that guy because I don't know sports.
[00:26:04]  Is he like a boxing announcer?
[00:26:05]  What is he?
[00:26:06]  He's the announcer for the UFC.
[00:26:07]  His name is Bruce Buffer.
[00:26:09]  That was amazing.
[00:26:10]  It got me very pumped.
[00:26:12]  But I was thinking like, it must be hard for a wife, you know, I don't just to have a husband who's on stage to so many adoring fans, like it would be a little threatening.
[00:26:24]  Yeah, of course.
[00:26:25]  I could absolutely see that.
[00:26:27]  And I don't know.
[00:26:29]  Yeah, 100%.
[00:26:30]  I think it's hard when there's just more people that are interested in like, you know, what your significant other is doing and, you know, they develop attachments to it.
[00:26:38]  But absolutely.
[00:26:39]  I think I do a good job of like, yeah, I don't know.
[00:26:42]  I think I do a good job of comforting her and not really comforting her, but just like making her feel comfortable in our relationship.
[00:26:48]  Like I don't try to hide our relationship in any way.
[00:26:51]  Like most people who know me know that I have a wife and that I love my wife very much.
[00:26:55]  And I think if it was like something that I hid, I think that would induce way more insecurity.
[00:27:01]  But because include her.
[00:27:03]  Yeah.
[00:27:04]  Now she doesn't want it.
[00:27:05]  Like she doesn't want attention.
[00:27:07]  She does not want people to look at her, which is like really awesome.
[00:27:12]  But yeah, but yeah, that can definitely be a struggle for.
[00:27:18]  Well, so what'd you do in therapy?
[00:27:19]  If you don't mind me asking, like, was it, you know, like pre-Cleana where you got to go to a few meetings with the priest before you get married or was it real therapy?
[00:27:27]  No, no, it was more just like, how do we, well, if we're getting into an argument, how do we both won't want to fight?
[00:27:36]  So how do we find a way to de-escalate so that fight doesn't happen?
[00:27:41]  And like, that's when people say like, it's all about communication.
[00:27:44]  It sounds like a trope and it's so fucking corny to even say, but it is true.
[00:27:49]  And by, but by communication, it's all about finding a way to say the thing you feel in a way that doesn't trigger all the fucked up shit that your partner had to go through in their life.
[00:28:01]  You know, so for me, I'm, I, I, I do this.
[00:28:04]  I love this one.
[00:28:05]  I go, why do you want to fight?
[00:28:07]  In my mind, I thought that that was like an innocent statement.
[00:28:09]  It was like, well, I don't want to fight.
[00:28:11]  And clearly you do.
[00:28:12]  But for her, she's interpreting that as antagonistic.
[00:28:15]  It's like, you're wrong.
[00:28:16]  You've done something wrong.
[00:28:17]  You want this.
[00:28:18]  You want to ruin the night.
[00:28:20]  So simply like shifting that and just being like, I feel sad that we would end up ruining the night by potentially fighting.
[00:28:28]  That makes me feel sad because I don't want to do that.
[00:28:30]  No, there's no pressure on her.
[00:28:31]  Like she did anything wrong.
[00:28:32]  And she gets to be vulnerable in that moment too and go, yeah, that would make me sad also.
[00:28:38]  You know, so it's just like these, like, it's just basically learning like better ways of communicating things and learning better ways of basically saying things.
[00:28:45]  So it doesn't just continue to escalate this interaction.
[00:28:48]  But the tricky thing about therapy is like sometimes the therapist tries to fix shit that I don't want fixed.
[00:28:55]  Like what?
[00:28:56]  You know, like if me and my wife are really codependent, like I like that, buddy.
[00:29:00]  Don't, we don't need all this.
[00:29:02]  Not everything.
[00:29:03]  Some of your damage is important to your act.
[00:29:05]  Like you can't get rid of all of it.
[00:29:08]  Listen, let's just, I need a la carte therapy.
[00:29:10]  You know what I mean?
[00:29:11]  Like she gets annoyed, you know, if I fart under the covers.
[00:29:15]  Like, well, let's work on that.
[00:29:16]  And I'm on her team.
[00:29:18]  No, do not.
[00:29:19]  There should be no bodily functions at all in front of each other, other than what happens naturally when you're actually going at it.
[00:29:24]  I'm not even going to start talking about Doug.
[00:29:27]  Talk to me, Doug.
[00:29:28]  I got a great guy.
[00:29:29]  He's going to fix your wife.
[00:29:31]  Now, wait, I've got, I've got, as you were talking about that, I actually realized something about my own marriage as you were saying that.
[00:29:37]  Okay.
[00:29:38]  And I will offer it to you as a possibility.
[00:29:41]  Please.
[00:29:42]  Both partners have to be in on it, though.
[00:29:44]  It's never been spoken between the two of us.
[00:29:45]  I'm just now kind of seeing it.
[00:29:49]  If I have a problem with something he's done, or he has a problem with something I've done, we'll raise it.
[00:29:54]  And very shortly into the discussion, the person who's complaining starts to say what their part in causing that behavior was.
[00:30:04]  And the other person starts to own that.
[00:30:06]  Like, it's almost like a role reversal.
[00:30:08]  You know what I mean?
[00:30:09]  Like, I'm so pissed that you have been going out with your friends for the past two weeks and you've paid me no attention.
[00:30:16]  Like, that's me.
[00:30:16]  Right.
[00:30:17]  And, and like shortly into it, I'd be kind of switched to, it's not your fault.
[00:30:24]  You know, I didn't say anything and I told you you should go out and I told you I had other things going on when silently I was resentful.
[00:30:32]  And so then you did it again, thinking everything was fine.
[00:30:35]  And he would soon switch it into, no, I should have been more attentive and I'm embarrassed that I didn't notice that it was bothering.
[00:30:41]  Like, it's almost like if you can quickly get into, I'm going to be my own prosecutor, but he's got to be his own prosecutor for this to work.
[00:30:48]  It's very effective.
[00:30:50]  It's like it's kind of like what I was saying before.
[00:30:52]  It's like, if you're speaking about your feelings or your accountability, if it's all on you, there's nothing to be defensive about in a fight, right?
[00:31:00]  Yeah, if it's like, hey, I feel sad that, or I'm frustrated, that, and I actually did this thing to make you feel okay, but then I let it built up, and now I resented you for something that I even created.
[00:31:11]  Now he doesn't even feel that bad.
[00:31:12]  If anything, he wants to apologize to you.
[00:31:14]  He's like, I don't want you to feel bad.
[00:31:16]  And I love that you want to be with me.
[00:31:18]  And that makes me feel awesome.
[00:31:19]  I didn't even know you wanted to be with me that week.
[00:31:21]  You were telling me to go away so much.
[00:31:23]  Right.
[00:31:23]  So, yeah, I think that's a great strategy.
[00:31:25]  You guys like organically have what a lot of people really need to work through and work towards.
[00:31:31]  Well, I definitely think it would not work if the other person was like, Yes, you did cause this.
[00:31:36]  Yes, screw you.
[00:31:37]  You know, like then you'd go right back into your prosecution mode.
[00:31:40]  But if both people either implicitly or explicitly sort of agree, this is a chance to examine my own behavior because this person bringing this to me is someone I love who's not constantly on me and a pain in the ass, you know, like somebody I want to listen to and I respect.
[00:31:57]  Things get resolved quickly.
[00:31:58]  And I'll give you one other tip before we go to break.
[00:32:01]  Doug is very good at when there's like a frosty patch where we just have to go into our own corners and like have a lone time at coming back in.
[00:32:09]  He never minds being the first person to come back in, which is good because I'm Irish and Italian and I just can't give in.
[00:32:15]  And he'll come in and he'll say, I accept your apology and I forgive you.
[00:32:23]  That's my shit.
[00:32:28]  I always laugh, even no matter how mad I am.
[00:32:31]  If there's enough distance from the fight, it always makes me laugh when we make up.
[00:32:39]  Yeah, I mean, you're like already in love with him from the beach.
[00:32:42]  So I think, you know, you two are going to need to meet at some point.
[00:32:46]  Oh, we're going back to the Borgo together.
[00:32:49]  He didn't tell you.

=== Streaming Business and Comedy (13:36) ===

[00:32:50]  We're having a husband's vacation.
[00:32:52]  It's the Italian way.
[00:32:54]  You can only imagine.
[00:32:56]  Standby.
[00:32:57]  So much more.
[00:32:57]  We actually have to do it.
[00:32:59]  They're going straight to Pompei.
[00:33:04]  Don't go away.
[00:33:05]  Much more with Andrew Schultz, including some clips from the special they attempted to ban, but is coming out on Sunday.
[00:33:34]  Andrew Schultz is with us today.
[00:33:35]  His special, Infamous, comes out this Sunday.
[00:33:39]  You can get it at theandrewSchultz.com and it's well worth your time and small amount of dough.
[00:33:46]  If you want to laugh for an hour at very inappropriate content, you will love it.
[00:33:52]  And one of the bits I love in there, Andrew, is speaking of Emma, how you realized very early on something I know and most women know, which is women are obsessed with crime.
[00:34:04]  We're obsessed with crime.
[00:34:06]  Here's a small clip from Infamous where Andrew talks about this realization in his marriage to Emma.
[00:34:14]  I learned a lot of shit about my girl when we moved in together.
[00:34:17]  I learned she's a fucking psychopath.
[00:34:20]  Just based on her Netflix queue.
[00:34:22]  That's it.
[00:34:23]  Just, I turn on her Netflix.
[00:34:25]  It's just every type of serial killer documentary you could imagine.
[00:34:28]  There's a guy who kills nuns, guy who kills hookers, guy who kills kids, cooking show, who watches who watches six hours of serial killers and then British bake-offs to wash it down.
[00:34:41]  How many of you ladies in here enjoy serial killer shows?
[00:34:46]  This is why you don't like sports.
[00:34:48]  I just want to let you know.
[00:34:50]  Sports aren't violent enough for you.
[00:34:53]  You'll be watching football.
[00:34:54]  You see someone unconscious on the ground and you're like, okay, but why is no one raping him?
[00:34:58]  What's going on?
[00:34:59]  What's going on here?
[00:35:00]  I mean, you already have a mask and gloves on.
[00:35:03]  No one's going to know it's you.
[00:35:04]  Put a dick in that fucking man.
[00:35:06]  Make this entertaining, please.
[00:35:09]  Who would say such things?
[00:35:11]  I mean, it's amazing.
[00:35:14]  It's so true.
[00:35:16]  My God, like I give Doug a hard time for something like gain, Game of Thrones, you know, like it's so violent.
[00:35:21]  But why do I spend all my time listening to stories about murders and torture and serial killers?
[00:35:28]  Why is that?
[00:35:29]  Why do you think that is?
[00:35:30]  I actually do have a theory on this.
[00:35:32]  I believe it's because we're the victims of all the crime.
[00:35:35]  We're the victims.
[00:35:36]  So you grow up and every news story you overhear, or even if you're not like making your kids watch the nightly news, which is a form of torture, they see the newspaper headlines.
[00:35:46]  You walk past the bodega.
[00:35:47]  You see the, you know, the headline of the New York Post, whatever.
[00:35:50]  You know, you're the one getting killed.
[00:35:52]  You're the one getting raped.
[00:35:53]  All the victims look just like you.
[00:35:55]  And so you grow up.
[00:35:56]  And of course, then you have responsible parents who are like, you're the one that the crime happens to.
[00:36:00]  You know, you're going to get raped.
[00:36:01]  Be careful.
[00:36:02]  Don't go out with this guy.
[00:36:04]  So it's like all of society is kind of telling you this is very dangerous for you.
[00:36:09]  You got to watch.
[00:36:09]  And then I think we're working something out.
[00:36:11]  Yeah.
[00:36:12]  Yeah.
[00:36:12]  There's something to that for sure.
[00:36:14]  Like we are attracted to our fears.
[00:36:17]  That is, that is certainly the case.
[00:36:19]  Yeah.
[00:36:20]  And you learn, you know, you learn in the special, like you learn what not to do.
[00:36:25]  Although I know in the special you say Emma does not learn what not to do.
[00:36:29]  At all.
[00:36:29]  Like it is, I mean, there's a joke in it, but it's absolutely shocking.
[00:36:33]  We were watching that documentary about this guy who would, you know, rape women jogging in the park at night.
[00:36:38]  And she literally stopped the documentary and went for a jog.
[00:36:43]  And I couldn't believe it.
[00:36:45]  I was like, you're not learning anything here.
[00:36:47]  Like, it's almost like you're going to be on the next season.
[00:36:50]  Like, like, is that, will you do anything to make it?
[00:36:55]  Like, what is happening right now?
[00:36:57]  I just, I don't, yeah, like, I'm not.
[00:37:00]  I, yeah, I'm like, I'm, I'm crippled by fear when, when it is put in my face.
[00:37:05]  Like, like, even if I'm, when I was in the ocean, even in Italy, I thought that there were sharks.
[00:37:10]  Like, I grew up surfing.
[00:37:11]  I still think they're sharks.
[00:37:12]  And it's just jogs.
[00:37:13]  It's the only thing.
[00:37:14]  And it made me feel like there's always sharks for the rest of my life.
[00:37:17]  So we stay away from it.
[00:37:19]  And yeah, I don't know.
[00:37:20]  Women have this amazing ability to like, like be terrified of something, indulge in the content that terrifies them and then continue just moving on with their day.
[00:37:32]  I'm not going to reveal the joke about Ted Bundy because people should experience that as I did and laugh out loud when you get to it.
[00:37:39]  But I did tell Doug and our friend Hammer, who's visiting us about it.
[00:37:43]  And they were hysterical.
[00:37:45]  Like I kind of just gave them a bit about the Ted Bundy bit.
[00:37:48]  And now, of course, they both want the password so they can watch it in advance of Sunday.
[00:37:51]  But I didn't give it to the Mandarin.
[00:37:52]  You give it to them.
[00:37:53]  You could give it to them.
[00:37:54]  That was one of the jokes that they wanted to cut.
[00:37:56]  The streamer wanted to cut.
[00:37:58]  What?
[00:37:58]  About Ted Bundy?
[00:38:00]  Yeah.
[00:38:01]  Yeah.
[00:38:02]  I thought that was weird, but it's like, yeah, there was one specific opinion.
[00:38:07]  That's probably the one you were talking about.
[00:38:08]  But they were like, it's a joke.
[00:38:11]  The whole thing is absurd.
[00:38:12]  I think the thing about jokes, a lot of people don't realize is that they're not true, but the feelings are true, right?
[00:38:18]  Like we have these feelings that are messed up, right?
[00:38:21]  And these things just exist within us.
[00:38:23]  And that's what's relatable about jokes.
[00:38:25]  Like even the old Borschbelt comics, the take my wife, please.
[00:38:28]  It's like, you don't really want someone to take your wife, but sometimes you have this feeling where you're like, man, somebody took her, right?
[00:38:35]  And that's funny to you because, right?
[00:38:37]  Because the person that you love more than anything in this world, you also had this feeling that is completely contradictory to that.
[00:38:43]  And you're like, wow, how can these, how can this paradox exist within me?
[00:38:47]  That is humor right there.
[00:38:48]  So I think that to be honest, in a weird way, it's such a compliment to Jon Stewart.
[00:38:54]  I think Jon Stewart was so genius and so prolific that he at doing comedy that was also true that I think he like set an expectation for comedy to be true.
[00:39:07]  And I think a whole bunch of kids grew up watching it going, oh, that is what comedy is supposed to be.
[00:39:13]  It's supposed to be true.
[00:39:14]  It's supposed to speak truth to power.
[00:39:16]  When even John himself would be like, no, it's not at all.
[00:39:19]  Comedy is supposed to be funny.
[00:39:20]  So whatever the funniest thing, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's shocking, sometimes it's adorable.
[00:39:26]  But usually there's some sort of victim.
[00:39:28]  I mean, victimless comedy doesn't even exist.
[00:39:30]  I think that's why it's so hard to be funny and woke because the idea of wokeness is nobody's a nobody's a victim.
[00:39:35]  It's like, okay, well, then what are we going to make fun of?
[00:39:37]  Yeah, every place is a safe space.
[00:39:40]  Yeah.
[00:39:40]  Comedy is the last thing that should be safe.
[00:39:42]  So wait a minute.
[00:39:45]  So that reminds me to ask you about the streaming thing, because one of the other jokes I saw you tweet about that they didn't want you to get into was do a whole bit on Michael Jackson.
[00:39:53]  And it is lightly defensive of Michael Jackson.
[00:39:58]  Again, I won't steal the thunder, but so that's ridiculous.
[00:40:03]  All I could think was they just, Netflix just paid Dave Chappelle $20 million a special.
[00:40:09]  And he does a big, like, forgive the term, full-throated defense of Michael Jackson in the, like, how could they say that won't fly?
[00:40:18]  How could they say that's over the line?
[00:40:20]  I think everything's like a, you know, a risk proposition.
[00:40:24]  And I think that like you, you look at a guy who's at, you know, Dave's size and you're like, okay, well, that's worth the risk.
[00:40:30]  And maybe they looked at me and they were like, okay, this isn't worth the risk.
[00:40:34]  And, you know, like each streamer has to protect their bottom line.
[00:40:38]  They have to protect their business.
[00:40:40]  And I don't even, I'm not even like upset at the streamers, but I'm just at a point where it's like, I'm not going to edit my jokes anymore because I built my career without the streamers.
[00:40:51]  And I was able to build this career by doing the jokes the exact way I wanted to.
[00:40:55]  And because I did that, I amassed this following and I was able to tour around the world.
[00:41:01]  And, you know, I'm from New York City.
[00:41:04]  I got to do two sold out shows of Radio City Music Hall from posting videos of me doing stand-up online.
[00:41:11]  So I never felt like I needed the streamer.
[00:41:15]  I don't need them for validation.
[00:41:16]  The people validate me more than anything.
[00:41:19]  What I wanted to do was do like a huge spectacle of a special because I think that's a really cool challenge and something very exciting.
[00:41:26]  But in terms of editing my jokes, I wasn't going to do it.
[00:41:28]  And yeah, I just felt like, I felt like if I could find another way, if I could find another way that not only would I not have to edit my jokes, I think editing jokes would be done.
[00:41:39]  Like once we can prove, and again, it's up to the people.
[00:41:41]  If they support it, then this works.
[00:41:43]  If they don't, then nobody will do it again.
[00:41:45]  But if they, if we prove that you can make more money or as much money doing it on your own as you could with a streamer, there's really no point to go with the streamer and get notes.
[00:41:57]  That's right.
[00:41:57]  You know what I mean?
[00:41:58]  Like, so that's absolutely right.
[00:42:00]  How do you, how do you make comedy the most pure?
[00:42:02]  That's how I feel even in my line of work where it's like, it's so wonderful.
[00:42:05]  I have a partnership with Sirius, but they don't own my show.
[00:42:08]  And, you know, if it doesn't work out, I'll still be fine and I'll just do my podcast.
[00:42:12]  And, but there's such a delight.
[00:42:14]  A, it's nice to have a nice cooperative business partner that will let me say whatever I want.
[00:42:18]  But there's a delight in running my own independent business.
[00:42:21]  And that's what you're doing.
[00:42:22]  You're basically saying I can work around the system where I'm beholden to no one and my product will rise or fail entirely on its own merit.
[00:42:29]  That's it.
[00:42:29]  That's it.
[00:42:30]  It's like the future is ownership, not censorship.
[00:42:32]  And I think the companies that get that are starting to succeed.
[00:42:35]  And I think the creators that get that are succeeding.
[00:42:38]  And that's why I was able to take this gamble, you know, right now is I believe that people at the end of the day want the best version of the content, right?
[00:42:47]  And I think that was the great disruption of the internet.
[00:42:50]  Like the internet has disrupted every facet of society, right?
[00:42:53]  Like we've seen it just recently happen, probably, you know, the whole GameStop thing.
[00:42:57]  That was just internet disruption in the financial marketplace, right?
[00:43:01]  Like with stand-up, it was, I guess, you know, me and my colleagues putting stuff out on YouTube and Instagram and that disrupting the institutions like Comedy Central, which are no longer relevant.
[00:43:12]  Like, so in every version, you see that disruption with Joe Rogan, his podcasting, and how that disrupted, you know, traditional media.
[00:43:18]  So I think that we're just pushing further towards putting out the exact content you want.
[00:43:24]  Because once you feel the raw, once you feel like the pure, the real thing that's watered, that's not watered down, it's very hard to watch the watered down version.
[00:43:32]  You know, it's, it's, it's very hard to go from like an authentic stand-up comedy moment to like watching an opening monologue on a late night television show.
[00:43:42]  It's right.
[00:43:43]  It seems ridiculous.
[00:43:45]  It almost seems like somebody's pranking you.
[00:43:48]  Yeah.
[00:43:48]  You're like, what's going on here?
[00:43:50]  Like, so are you going to tell us who the streamer was?
[00:43:55]  I mean, people have like, here's the thing.
[00:43:57]  I'm not, I'm not, I don't say the streamer because I have business with all the streamers right now.
[00:44:03]  So my issue isn't really with streamers, essentially.
[00:44:05]  It's just with stand-up.
[00:44:06]  With stand-up, I am the most pure because that's the thing I love more than anything in the world.
[00:44:09]  Right.
[00:44:10]  That's what I build identity around the thing I care about.
[00:44:12]  Like a jungle in South America.
[00:44:15]  Some people have said, you know, some people have questioned if it was one with the jungle in South America, but TMZ reports.
[00:44:23]  Say again?
[00:44:24]  TMZ is reporting that it was Amazon.
[00:44:26]  TMZ is never wrong.
[00:44:28]  You know what's so funny about all these articles came out and all these and like every article goes, we reached out for Schultz for comments and he didn't comment.
[00:44:38]  Nobody reached out to me.
[00:44:39]  Right, right.
[00:44:42]  You just say whatever you want.
[00:44:44]  Dude, someone's just like Andrew.schultz at yahoo.
[00:44:48]  Oh, no, we leave.
[00:44:48]  No one's.
[00:44:50]  And then the like Sadie's numbers, like he bought it out for a million.
[00:44:53]  I was like, I wish, I wish it was only that.
[00:44:58]  You know what I mean?
[00:44:58]  Like, if you're going to lie, lie up, bro.
[00:45:01]  All right.
[00:45:02]  That's a lot, though.
[00:45:03]  That's, it's not like you're yet rolling in dough.
[00:45:06]  You've been successful, but it's, you're not, you're not Jerry Seinfeld.
[00:45:10]  So that's a lot of dough.
[00:45:12]  Yeah, it is.
[00:45:13]  So it's like, yeah, it is.
[00:45:16]  It was a lot.
[00:45:17]  And it was a, it was a big fucking decision to make.
[00:45:19]  And I was cool enough.
[00:45:21]  And it's easier to make those decisions.
[00:45:23]  And I mean this sincerely, like I have really brilliant guys that work with me.
[00:45:27]  And it's much easier to make that decision knowing that like the collective minds can probably find a way to solve it.
[00:45:33]  And my wife has been super supportive.
[00:45:35]  If she believes in me, that's that's fucking awesome.
[00:45:37]  So that made that easier.
[00:45:39]  But I'm also incompetent financially.
[00:45:42]  Like I don't know how to invest in anything.
[00:45:44]  I literally keep money in a bank like Scrooge McDuck and I just fucking wait and I don't know what to do with it.
[00:45:49]  So it was also kind of like fun.
[00:45:51]  I was like, okay, finally, I get to like spend some money on something.
[00:45:54]  Yeah.
[00:45:55]  I think I can find a way to profit on.
[00:45:57]  Like, I don't know how to make, I don't know, I don't know how to, you know, work the, I don't know how to invest.
[00:46:03]  You know what I mean?
[00:46:04]  I don't know the right time to get in.
[00:46:06]  Everybody, it's always the right time again.
[00:46:07]  The last six months, everybody told you it was the right time to get it.
[00:46:09]  And now it's fucking hit the floor.
[00:46:10]  So I don't know.
[00:46:11]  But I do know if I invest in myself, I can get a great return and probably a greater return than if I invest in Tesla or invest in any of these companies.
[00:46:19]  So I've always tried to find things to invest in myself and the guys that I'm.
[00:46:23]  Have you broken even yet?
[00:46:24]  Because I know people are buying sort of the pre-sale.

=== Breaking the Mold with Specials (03:04) ===

[00:46:27]  Are you like, do you feel good about where you are?
[00:46:30]  I feel like we're going to do good, but it's like what Kobe said, job's not done.
[00:46:35]  So I don't, you know, for me, it wouldn't be a success if we break even.
[00:46:38]  It would be a success if we break the institution.
[00:46:41]  You know, it would be a success if we break the mold, right?
[00:46:44]  So if I can, if I can do something where other comics start to go, oh, that's how I want to release it.
[00:46:50]  Like, I want to, I want comedy to come out in theaters like a movie.
[00:46:54]  Like, I want, I want to eventize a comedy special, you know, like they're my heroes.
[00:46:59]  We'll put out comedy specials and then like a week later, nobody's even talking about them.
[00:47:02]  Why don't we create an event around it?
[00:47:04]  There's no difference between this and a movie.
[00:47:06]  We spend the same amount of our lives and dedicate the same amount of our lives to creating it and working on it and like workshopping it and making it great.
[00:47:12]  And I think that the bigger an event a comedy special becomes, the more effort we'll put into the specials, you know?
[00:47:20]  And I think it just makes comedy better.
[00:47:21]  So there's something I was saying this the other day.
[00:47:24]  I really think there's something special about it going to a comedy show, though, because it's like this person is taking enormous risks, you know, of getting up there and sort of asking us to laugh, you know, to go along with him, all in an effort to entertain us, all in an effort to make us laugh, to make us smile, to amuse us, to cause us to think about an issue in a different way.
[00:47:45]  Like that's such a gift that the comedian is trying to give us.
[00:47:49]  It's why hecklers are such jerks.
[00:47:50]  You know, it's like, that's totally not in the spirit of what's happening in this room.
[00:47:55]  And I think, what is it, 15 bucks to get the ticket?
[00:47:57]  Like, that is such a small price to pay, even in these times, for an hour of like tears down your face laughter.
[00:48:03]  The kind where you're like, oh my God, I hate myself for laughing, but I'm laughing so.
[00:48:09]  Yeah, I think, I think you're right in terms of like, it is a vulnerable thing to go up there and go do it.
[00:48:14]  And I think that, yeah, I don't know.
[00:48:17]  I've gotten a lot of comments from people that I've showed, you know, parts of it to and just putting up clips.
[00:48:22]  And they were really shocked that I would, you know, also kind of like riff with the audience and kind of like make things up on the spot in such like a high stakes moment like that.
[00:48:32]  But I don't know, for me, I really get off on that.
[00:48:35]  It kind of like locks me in in the moment.
[00:48:37]  You know, it's like it keeps me present and it adds life to all the other jokes that are also kind of scripted.
[00:48:43]  But, but yeah, for people, I don't know, the reaction I've gotten is they thought it was really unique that in a moment like this where you got one shot or two shots to just nail the special down to just mess around with somebody in the audience and who knows where the fuck it's going to go.
[00:49:00]  The reaction has been like, for them, it's been quite, quite exciting to experience that.
[00:49:06]  And I'm really happy that they've enjoyed that part of it.
[00:49:09]  Yeah.
[00:49:10]  Multiple audience members and he does, it doesn't, he doesn't care.
[00:49:14]  Black, white, latinks.
[00:49:18]  It doesn't matter.
[00:49:19]  You are fair game for Andrew because you showed up and you were there to play and so is he.
[00:49:23]  And those are some of the funniest exchanges that show how genuinely witty you are because it's clearly not expected.
[00:49:29]  All right, standby.
[00:49:30]  Much more to do with Andrew, including him.

=== Bringing Sharks Back to Levels (14:57) ===

[00:49:31]  He mentioned sharks.
[00:49:32]  There's breaking news on this, the rise in shark attacks.
[00:49:37]  Standby with that update.
[00:49:39]  He's with us for the whole show.
[00:49:40]  And you can pre-order his new special, Infamous, at the Andrew Schultz U-L-Z.com.
[00:49:48]  And remember, you can find The Megan Kelly show live on SiriusXM Triumph Channel 111 every weekday at Noon East.
[00:49:53]  The full video show and clips by subscribing to youtube.com slash Megan Kelly and the audio podcast you follow and download on Apple, Spotify, Pandora, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcast for free.
[00:50:04]  The very first time Andrew on was episode 74.
[00:50:06]  You'll love that one as well.
[00:50:28]  So you mentioned sharks and I and I know you grew up in Jersey, so I got a lot to go.
[00:50:33]  I grew up in, I grew up in New York.
[00:50:35]  I grew up in New Hampshire, actually, but I did spend my summers in Long Island off of Long Island at a Fire Island.
[00:50:41]  My parents had a place out there.
[00:50:43]  That's the tie-in right there.
[00:50:45]  Okay.
[00:50:45]  Because this week, in the last two weeks alone, there have been five shark attacks in Long Island.
[00:50:52]  Four of them were in Fire Island.
[00:50:54]  Four, four out of five, including two within just hours this past Wednesday.
[00:50:58]  All right, here's the headline.
[00:51:00]  Here are the headlines from the report.
[00:51:02]  Dramatic increase that officials are calling, quote, the new normal.
[00:51:06]  Four were on Fire Island, fifth was on Jones Beach.
[00:51:08]  No one seriously injured.
[00:51:09]  The sharks were four to five feet long.
[00:51:11]  They said they might have been tiger sharks or sand sharks, but they were biting.
[00:51:16]  Just to give you some perspective, in all of 2021, there were 47, quote, unprovoked shark attacks in the United States.
[00:51:25]  Not sure what they're trying to say there.
[00:51:27]  Who provokes the shark?
[00:51:29]  But anyway, 47 in the entire year, 2021.
[00:51:32]  We've already had five in two weeks on Long Island alone.
[00:51:36]  So, you know, the people injured, a 57-year-old swimming who had a laceration on his right foot, 33-year-old lifeguard doing a rescue training attempt.
[00:51:45]  Shark bit his hand.
[00:51:46]  17-year-old lifeguard, again, bitten on foot, surfer bitten by a four-foot tiger shark, leaving a four-inch gash, knocked off his surfboard, wave carried him to shore.
[00:51:56]  11 hours later, a 49-year-old standing in waist-deep water.
[00:51:59]  This is the one we all worry about, bitten from behind on the left wrist and the buttocks, walked out of the water.
[00:52:06]  Marine Science Center at Stony Brook conservation expert says that these encounters are a sign we're doing things right.
[00:52:13]  Bringing back the sharks to the levels they used to be at.
[00:52:16]  What do you make of it?
[00:52:18]  I don't know if it's bringing back sharks, but maybe they just, maybe they don't have enough food out there because they don't like us, right?
[00:52:24]  I think we all, we understand like humans aren't the most delicious animal.
[00:52:28]  And I think that's probably why we're still around because we're not that good at getting away and we're not that good at fighting.
[00:52:35]  And we like to like romanticize our past.
[00:52:37]  We're like, we used to run in the plains forever.
[00:52:39]  It's like, have you seen fucking animals in the Serengeti?
[00:52:42]  It's like these lions would tear us apart if we were delicious.
[00:52:45]  I think we just got lucky that we're not good.
[00:52:49]  We're just not tasty.
[00:52:51]  And if they have to, they'll eat us, but they're like way more tasty things than us.
[00:52:57]  And so that's the thing.
[00:52:59]  Like there must be nothing for them to eat for them to even come that close to shore and bite and bite human beings.
[00:53:05]  We're just not good.
[00:53:07]  The thing is, though, yeah.
[00:53:09]  So these are sort of accidental encounters where they get confused.
[00:53:13]  You know, a lot of times they go after the surfers because they look like seals and they love to eat seals.
[00:53:19]  And my sister-in-law has been dealing with this on Cape Cod because she's an oyster fisherman.
[00:53:24]  She and her longtime partner, he's an oyster fisherman.
[00:53:27]  So is she.
[00:53:28]  And the fishermen on Cape Cod are outraged over this whole thing because they had tons of shark attacks on Cape Cod over the past five years.
[00:53:36]  And they're not married.
[00:53:38]  Your sister and she's not married to him?
[00:53:41]  They never got married.
[00:53:43]  I don't know why.
[00:53:45]  We don't do this partner thing.
[00:53:49]  You either get married or you're a child.
[00:53:52]  No, technically, they're engaged.
[00:53:53]  Well, listen, they got a lot going on.
[00:53:56]  That's your friend.
[00:53:58]  That's your friend.
[00:53:59]  I don't do this partner thing.
[00:54:01]  Like, I need another word because I don't want to say boyfriend because we're too old to say boyfriend.
[00:54:05]  Take the plunge like the rest of us.
[00:54:08]  Roll the dice like the rest of us.
[00:54:10]  You don't get partner.
[00:54:11]  You don't get partner.
[00:54:12]  We're not going to.
[00:54:14]  I'm going to run it by.
[00:54:14]  I'm going to play her this clip and I will get back to you.
[00:54:17]  Whenever she's persuaded.
[00:54:19]  So here's the story.
[00:54:20]  They say on Cape Cod, it was a protect the seals effort.
[00:54:25]  They wanted the seals to come back.
[00:54:27]  So you weren't allowed to kill the seals anymore.
[00:54:30]  And that's shark food.
[00:54:31]  So as they brought back all these seals, so too did the sharks come.
[00:54:35]  And now we've seen, remember that report like four years ago, that Brazilian 26-year-old, I think, who was killed and they dragged, it was just like a scene out of Jaws where they dragged his body out of the ocean.
[00:54:46]  It was only half there.
[00:54:47]  And now all over the beaches in Cape Cod, they've got, I mean, the scariest signs showing jaws like great whites, like sharks, sharks on this beach.
[00:54:56]  And people still sometimes go in the waters.
[00:54:59]  And now it's migrating to Long Island.
[00:55:01]  Oh, and by the way, the fishermen, one of the reasons they're so upset about it is it's called Cape Cod.
[00:55:06]  When you go to the restaurant and you order cod, it's a type of fish.
[00:55:11]  And the seal poop is apparently very appetizing to cod.
[00:55:16]  So they eat the seal poop and then it can cause worms inside the cod, which can wind up in your restaurant cod.
[00:55:26]  And so even the fishermen are saying, be very careful.
[00:55:30]  And when ordering cod, like some restaurants will just cut open the fish.
[00:55:34]  And if they see the worms, they'll just clean it out and still serve it.
[00:55:39]  So, okay, sorry.
[00:55:40]  Took a very disgusting turn here.
[00:55:41]  But my point is not just conserve the seals or just conserve the sharks.
[00:55:46]  Like these have real life consequences to humans who are still at the top of the food chain.
[00:55:51]  And you got this conservation expert like, it's a sign we're doing things right.
[00:55:54]  Oh, tell it to the guy who's, you know, dealing with the lost foot.
[00:55:58]  Yeah, I don't know.
[00:55:59]  Like there's this whole, this idea that the conservationists have that, and again, I'm no scientist, so don't trust anything I say, but that like if an animal goes away, the whole ecosystem falls apart.
[00:56:10]  And it's like, well, if you're also the same people that say 99.9% of animals that have ever existed have gone extinct.
[00:56:17]  So clearly, if we lose a few, we're going to be okay.
[00:56:22]  So I'm fine losing sharks.
[00:56:25]  I think if we just kill every shark, what that does is makes more fish.
[00:56:29]  And right now, everybody's worried about overfishing.
[00:56:31]  Well, now we must overfish because it'll be so plentiful.
[00:56:36]  So if we just get rid of all the sharks, people don't get eaten.
[00:56:40]  We don't have this fear of getting eaten anymore.
[00:56:42]  The fish don't worry about getting eaten.
[00:56:43]  We just eat the fish.
[00:56:44]  They don't get wasted into some shark and we can't even eat the shark.
[00:56:47]  We just get rid of the sharks.
[00:56:49]  There's certain things we could just get rid of in the decrease in sharks.
[00:56:54]  I don't know.
[00:56:55]  It's like you, I don't know exactly what they do for the environment, the sea environment, but the decrease in sharks doesn't strike me as a terrible, terribly bad thing.
[00:57:02]  And people like this, you know, Stony Brook guy who are working to bring them back.
[00:57:05]  It's like, does he swim in the ocean?
[00:57:07]  I wonder.
[00:57:08]  Because it's like, as you said, ever since I saw Jaws, it's totally changed my ocean experience.
[00:57:14]  I'm afraid of the ocean.
[00:57:15]  And I realize my husband, he swims in it every day when we're here at the Jersey, every day, 51 years, never even seen a shark, he says.
[00:57:22]  But I'm scared.
[00:57:24]  And I'm trying not to pass it on to my kids because I realize the odds are in our favor.
[00:57:29]  But with these reports, it's like, yeah, they're getting worse every day.
[00:57:32]  And it's like, you're a kid.
[00:57:33]  And I don't know.
[00:57:36]  I don't.
[00:57:36]  Yeah, get rid of the sharks.
[00:57:38]  I'm fine with like a culling of the sharks.
[00:57:39]  You know how like in Japan, they like round up all the dolphins and they kill them because the dolphins eat the fish that they love?
[00:57:47]  Maybe that, but okay.
[00:57:49]  But so basically, and I think they do it in like Denmark or something as well.
[00:57:54]  And they just like round them up into a bay and then they just shoot them all in the head and then they're out of here.
[00:57:59]  And it's really devastating.
[00:58:00]  It's fucked up.
[00:58:00]  That's good.
[00:58:01]  But dolphin, that's different.
[00:58:03]  Yeah.
[00:58:03]  It's sad because like we have like this affinity for dolphins, which also comes from television, right?
[00:58:09]  It comes from that shark.
[00:58:10]  But also they're super smart.
[00:58:11]  Like it's like us, the pigs and the dolphins.
[00:58:14]  Yeah.
[00:58:15]  One, I don't buy the pigs or smart thing.
[00:58:17]  I don't, I don't really subscribe to that.
[00:58:19]  Yeah, I don't.
[00:58:20]  And I don't even know if dolphins are that smart.
[00:58:22]  Like, why are they so smart?
[00:58:24]  Because they can jump through the hoops.
[00:58:25]  Like my golden doodle can do that.
[00:58:26]  It's one of the dumbest animals I've ever met.
[00:58:28]  But, you know what I mean?
[00:58:30]  I just don't subscribe to this.
[00:58:31]  They're so smart thing.
[00:58:32]  Like everybody does that with killer whales too.
[00:58:34]  They're so smart.
[00:58:35]  It's like, why?
[00:58:36]  Because they swim together?
[00:58:38]  Like, what?
[00:58:39]  What is I think there are reasons beyond that?
[00:58:42]  But there's levels to this smart shit is what I'm trying to say.
[00:58:45]  And I think that like human beings are like dying to have this connection with the animal world.
[00:58:49]  They're like, oh, I think we can teach a chimpanzee how to do sign language.
[00:58:53]  It's like, no, it doesn't give a fuck about sign language.
[00:58:56]  It don't want to talk to you.
[00:58:58]  It wants to eat bananas and ants and then run around with its friends and then see if his wife has kids with somebody else and it'll kill the kids.
[00:59:05]  It's they're kind of like gnarly creatures, right?
[00:59:08]  So I don't think that like we have this obsession.
[00:59:11]  Like we're just, we're just going to start like being friends and like buddies with all that.
[00:59:14]  There's like so many people.
[00:59:15]  Go get some real friends.
[00:59:16]  No, it's not people.
[00:59:17]  Remember when Mm kids was a thing?
[00:59:20]  These like people were adopting monkey babies and instead of calling them monkeys, they called them mm kids.
[00:59:25]  And they're putting like human diapers on them and trying to raise them like a kid.
[00:59:31]  This is mental illness.
[00:59:34]  This is, you found, they found out that humans will not tolerate them, that like humans find them annoying.
[00:59:41]  So they've basically enslaved animals to be their friends.
[00:59:44]  This is, this is, this is very dangerous.
[00:59:47]  You actually shouldn't be able to get a pet until you have like three human friends.
[00:59:51]  You should have to prove that you have like actual human connection and then you get the pet.
[00:59:56]  But otherwise, they're like, you know, licking peanut butter off your nuts and shit.
[01:00:01]  All this weird stuff.
[01:00:02]  It's true.
[01:00:03]  That's what these people do.
[01:00:04]  Bear it.
[01:00:05]  I can't.
[01:00:05]  I can't bear it.
[01:00:06]  Can I know?
[01:00:07]  Wait, do you, do you like when you said green mafia?
[01:00:12]  I grew up surfing.
[01:00:14]  I love surfing.
[01:00:15]  It's the best.
[01:00:15]  But now that they have wave pools, I'm like, you perfected it.
[01:00:18]  You did everything you need to do.
[01:00:20]  I don't have to deal with this anymore.
[01:00:21]  Okay.
[01:00:22]  Now, what about this?
[01:00:22]  Because there was another scary animal story in the news recently.
[01:00:26]  Snakes, sharks, snakes.
[01:00:28]  It's sort of in the same field of like, why would you want, why?
[01:00:30]  Why?
[01:00:31]  And people do use, have snakes as pets.
[01:00:34]  There was a story, WRAL, this is North Carolina.
[01:00:38]  This kid, Chris Gifford, who's apparently very popular on TikTok and online, influencer, you might say, collects snakes.
[01:00:45]  And he collects, among other snakes, something called the spitting zebra cobra, which is not, which spitting zebra cobra, which is venomous and potentially deadly.
[01:00:56]  And he got it when he was just a little baby, eight to nine inches.
[01:00:59]  And it had like a twin who he adopted.
[01:01:01]  He had a bunch of snakes.
[01:01:02]  He put them in the little fish tank.
[01:01:04]  And lo and behold, the next morning, little spitting zebra cobra was gone.
[01:01:10]  And he decided not to tell anybody.
[01:01:12]  So he checked his basement.
[01:01:14]  He's looking at it.
[01:01:15]  He's like, you know what?
[01:01:15]  He says to his parents who knew, I'm going to have to go to the authorities because it can't survive in North Carolina winter.
[01:01:22]  Maybe he lost it in the fall.
[01:01:23]  I can't remember.
[01:01:24]  But there's no way.
[01:01:25]  And then they had 50 days below a certain temperature that winter.
[01:01:28]  He's like, it's dead for sure.
[01:01:29]  It's dead.
[01:01:30]  Well, it wasn't dead.
[01:01:33]  And it showed up on some old lady's porch not long thereafter and a lot bigger.
[01:01:40]  And now this kid, there's a picture of it, I think, more when it was found on the porch.
[01:01:45]  And he's now speaking out to try to take responsibility for this very bad decision.
[01:01:51]  He's sorry now that he's been caught.
[01:01:53]  He did take ownership.
[01:01:54]  Here's Chris Gifford, 22, talking about his cobra.
[01:01:59]  I messed up.
[01:02:00]  There was a reason people were mad and scared.
[01:02:03]  I totally get it.
[01:02:04]  But now is the time that I can give more clarity to this situation.
[01:02:07]  It's about to be on that anniversary coming soon of when this happened.
[01:02:12]  So I think it'd be good not only to tell my side of the story a little bit, but also give a huge apology.
[01:02:18]  There were never any intentions of doing this.
[01:02:23]  This was of no benefit to anybody.
[01:02:26]  I regret it horrendously.
[01:02:28]  And I wish that I could have changed that outcome.
[01:02:31]  This was, these are animals that I love.
[01:02:33]  This is an animal community is one that I love.
[01:02:35]  There's so many good, responsible, great keepers out there.
[01:02:38]  And because of my stupid mistake, I made that look bad for all of them.
[01:02:42]  So he's sorry.
[01:02:44]  It was a nice apology.
[01:02:45]  But he only apologized once the animal control people came to his door because the snake was found three blocks away.
[01:02:51]  And they were like, did you lose the snake?
[01:02:54]  And he was like, no, who?
[01:02:55]  Who me?
[01:02:56]  And then he thought about it for a little while and said, oh, shit, I got it.
[01:02:59]  I got to confess, which he did.
[01:03:01]  Tons of fines, like 35,000 bucks in fines and so on.
[01:03:04]  Really?
[01:03:05]  Yeah.
[01:03:06]  I mean, because he shouldn't have had the snake in the first place.
[01:03:09]  Yeah, I don't think you're allowed to have a snake.
[01:03:10]  And I think there are mandatory reporting rules if your snake gets loose in the community.
[01:03:15]  You know, if it, and he says in the longer interview with WRAL, like, what if a kid had encountered it?
[01:03:20]  And nobody wants their kid or their dog to encounter the spitting zebra cobra.
[01:03:26]  Yeah.
[01:03:27]  Yeah.
[01:03:28]  I don't get the whole snake thing, especially for guys.
[01:03:31]  I don't get it.
[01:03:31]  Like, I'm okay with like women having like a snake or like a, like a pit bull or something like that, like, or guns even.
[01:03:40]  But just like, because, you know, ideally, like they can protect you.
[01:03:44]  Like no guy's going to try to like rob you or like, you know, assault you if you have a snake, you know?
[01:03:50]  So like I say again.
[01:03:53]  You have to put like a sign on the front door saying spitting zebra cobra inside.
[01:03:57]  Yeah, exactly.
[01:03:58]  Or just when you're walking down the street, like if you're just going to a grocery store late at night and you have like a snake wrapped around you, like Britney Spears, no guy's going to come try to assault you.
[01:04:06]  They're going to like assault a chick who like doesn't have the snake.
[01:04:09]  So I think that it's like a good protective measure, but I don't get the guy having the snake thing.
[01:04:15]  You know what I mean?
[01:04:16]  Like I think that that's where like sexism plays in, like where we can kind of like use sexism a little bit.
[01:04:22]  You know, like I don't think women should have to get like checked at TSA.
[01:04:26]  I don't think you guys have blown anything up yet.

=== Wild Boars, Guns, and Sexism (08:16) ===

[01:04:29]  I think I think you can all have guns.
[01:04:31]  Like we can give the female students guns, you know, like just you can do whatever you want, like just protect the school.
[01:04:38]  Like I would give my wife a gun happily, just walk around the street.
[01:04:41]  Anybody bothers you, shoot them.
[01:04:43]  And then everybody's safe.
[01:04:44]  And, but I think that like I understand the trepidation with guys because we're like a little bit impulsive.
[01:04:50]  You know, like somebody makes a game-winning shot, I'll fucking tear apart my house.
[01:04:54]  Don't give me a gun as well.
[01:04:55]  Thank God I haven't had a gun in my whole life.
[01:04:57]  You know what I mean?
[01:04:58]  I remember shooting one.
[01:04:59]  It was one of the most fun things I've ever done.
[01:05:01]  And I was like, I can't wait to do this again.
[01:05:03]  Real gun or like BB gun?
[01:05:05]  A real gun.
[01:05:06]  I was in like Montana.
[01:05:07]  Sick.
[01:05:08]  Yeah.
[01:05:08]  Like I live in New York.
[01:05:09]  I think it's illegal to have a gun in New York City.
[01:05:11]  And it probably should because we like sneakers too much.
[01:05:14]  Like it's too dangerous.
[01:05:16]  You know, like you step on my sneakers.
[01:05:17]  I just got a new pair and I have a gun.
[01:05:19]  You're dead.
[01:05:20]  So maybe it's not the best.
[01:05:22]  Yeah.
[01:05:22]  But if I live in Montana, I'm having all the guns, Megan.
[01:05:27]  Let me tell you.
[01:05:28]  Yes.
[01:05:28]  Oh, let me tell you.
[01:05:29]  I went to visit my friends down in Texas and we went, we were going like on a late night bike ride into their woods on those motorized bicycles.
[01:05:39]  And before we got there, and this is like summer, everybody's got shorts and a t-shirt on.
[01:05:43]  And before we went into the woods at night, our host looks back and he says, is anybody carrying?
[01:05:49]  And because we're in Texas, literally every guy is like nine, 10 guys like, I am, I am, I am, I am.
[01:05:55]  And I'm looking at these guys like, where?
[01:05:56]  Where are you?
[01:05:57]  Everybody's wearing these shorts and small t-shirts.
[01:05:59]  And then, of course, the next question is, why is that necessary?
[01:06:03]  What's what is in said woods?
[01:06:05]  Right?
[01:06:06]  It felt better.
[01:06:07]  You don't know about what the woods are.
[01:06:08]  Like, I love it when these people like in like New York City and San Francisco are like, nobody needs guns.
[01:06:14]  And it's like, you don't live in the forest.
[01:06:17]  Like, there's some forest out there.
[01:06:19]  And there's fucking bears.
[01:06:21]  There's moose, right?
[01:06:22]  You don't know what's going out there.
[01:06:24]  You might need a pistol.
[01:06:25]  You can't just call the cops like 30 minutes for them to come get you.
[01:06:28]  That's right.
[01:06:29]  It was wild boar.
[01:06:31]  That was the problem in Texas.
[01:06:32]  It was wild boar.
[01:06:33]  And apparently they can get as big as a Volkswagen.
[01:06:35]  Yeah, they're an invasive species, the wild boar.
[01:06:38]  Like you can rent a helicopter and shoot them, which sounds like a great fucking time.
[01:06:42]  Yeah.
[01:06:44]  Dana Lash has been trying to get me to do that.
[01:06:46]  She's a big Second Amendment person.
[01:06:48]  She and her husband Chris, I love them.
[01:06:49]  They're like, come down.
[01:06:50]  We'll take you dug up.
[01:06:52]  And we'll shoot wild boar from a helicopter.
[01:06:54]  I'm like, this involves a couple of things that I really am afraid of.
[01:06:57]  I don't like flying.
[01:06:59]  I don't think I like wild boar.
[01:07:00]  I don't think you got to do it.
[01:07:03]  It's actually really fun.
[01:07:05]  No, no, but it just looks like the most fun thing, hanging out the side of a helicopter and just shooting these like gigantic fat beasts.
[01:07:12]  But you have to be careful because sometimes they'll fly by like Walmarts and then some people will be walking out.
[01:07:16]  You're not exactly sure what it is.
[01:07:17]  It's like an animal farm situation and you're just gunning down like whole families.
[01:07:21]  It's very, you have to be very careful.
[01:07:23]  You have to make sure you're not shooting just regular fat people in San Antonio and you're just only shooting wild boar, you know?
[01:07:33]  This is why Amazon.
[01:07:38]  All right, let's talk politics for a minute because a lot of fun stuff is happening.
[01:07:42]  A lot of fun stuff.
[01:07:44]  Your pal Harnton Biden is back in the news and I know the goat.
[01:07:48]  The goat.
[01:07:49]  How is he the goat?
[01:07:51]  Dude, it's just, I mean, he's just like, so, it's so wild.
[01:07:54]  Like the guy so clearly hates his dad.
[01:07:56]  Like the greatest daddy issues you've ever seen.
[01:07:59]  When daddy issues manifest themselves in women, they're like, I'm going to dress slotty.
[01:08:04]  And when daddy issues manifest themselves in men, they're like, I smell crack.
[01:08:08]  It's like we are way more affected by fatherlessness than women.
[01:08:16]  The worst thing that happens with a woman is you sleep with like a few more dudes than you were supposed to.
[01:08:22]  And then dudes will like destroy a political dynasty.
[01:08:25]  I mean, it's crazy.
[01:08:26]  The guy's videotaping himself so he gets caught.
[01:08:29]  He wants this to happen.
[01:08:31]  Yeah.
[01:08:31]  So he can put it out.
[01:08:33]  Yeah.
[01:08:34]  And I think he's not putting it out, but he keeps putting it like on film.
[01:08:37]  I mean, what happened this week was somebody hacked into his cloud reportedly and got video of him weighing crack.
[01:08:44]  We've got the sound bite for those who missed it.
[01:08:47]  He's weighing his crack rocks.
[01:08:48]  Here it is.
[01:08:54]  I just laid out the bag.
[01:08:57]  It's 2.06.
[01:09:00]  2.07.
[01:09:05]  Without the bag.
[01:09:06]  Okay.
[01:09:07]  So for the listening audience, we believe there was a prostitute in the background and he's, you can see his crack cocaine rocks on the scale and you could hear how much it was.
[01:09:16]  It's like, it never ends with this guy.
[01:09:18]  I don't know.
[01:09:19]  Douglas Murray, who I love, had a piece saying, shouldn't we be feeling sympathy for him?
[01:09:24]  I love Douglas.
[01:09:26]  I don't know.
[01:09:28]  Yeah, I mean, like, I do feel sympathy for somebody because like that, like, like drug addiction or when you get that far, you're really not in control of your body, you know, and like whatever he was going through to whatever he was going through to get him to using drugs, you're just coping with the drugs.
[01:09:44]  Like there's something incredibly dark and disturbed in there that he's just not able to emotionally handle.
[01:09:49]  And that's why he's doing the drugs.
[01:09:51]  I think that we don't feel as bad because we know that he's like taking advantage of the American system.
[01:09:57]  Yes, that's right.
[01:09:59]  He's a grifter.
[01:10:00]  Yeah.
[01:10:00]  Like, but then so are all these politicians.
[01:10:02]  They're all fucking grifting.
[01:10:03]  I mean, that's why you get into politics in the first place.
[01:10:05]  Like you got to be a psychopath to be a politician.
[01:10:08]  Like something's wrong in here to be like, I want to tell people what to do.
[01:10:12]  It's true.
[01:10:13]  Isn't that weird?
[01:10:14]  Like, like, is the first, the first thing that should exclude you from being a politician is the feeling you want to be.
[01:10:24]  You know what I mean?
[01:10:24]  Like we should have to like beg people to be politicians.
[01:10:28]  They should like refuse it profusely.
[01:10:30]  And then finally, like we grind them down and they're like, okay, I'll do this for a very limited time.
[01:10:36]  Yeah.
[01:10:36]  Like you should have to beg someone to run again.
[01:10:39]  Like Washington.
[01:10:39]  That's how it was with Washington.
[01:10:41]  There you go.
[01:10:42]  I mean, I've heard you, I've heard you say it both ways.
[01:10:45]  What do you think now in terms of like sheer entertainment as somebody who's looking for material?
[01:10:49]  Trump or Biden?
[01:10:52]  Dude, it was Trump and now Biden's come on strong.
[01:10:55]  Like the guy's still, the guy still got it.
[01:10:58]  You know what I mean?
[01:10:59]  Like he's still like there's a video that dropped the other day where he took a nice sniff of like a little girl and it was like he can't not do it.
[01:11:08]  We have it.
[01:11:09]  We haven't.
[01:11:10]  Hold on.
[01:11:10]  I'll show him what you're talking about.
[01:11:11]  I think my crack team.
[01:11:13]  And I mean that in a complimentary way.
[01:11:15]  Oh, it's just a voiceover.
[01:11:16]  Okay, here you can see as he's kind of unclear whether it's a sniff or a chat.
[01:11:21]  I don't know, but he gets awfully close to this little girl's hair.
[01:11:25]  Here he goes.
[01:11:26]  He's going down.
[01:11:27]  Stand by.
[01:11:28]  There it is.
[01:11:28]  He leans in.
[01:11:30]  I don't know, but he should really just keep his distance and raise his voice.
[01:11:33]  There's no more, there's no need to get one inch away from a little girl.
[01:11:35]  Keep going.
[01:11:36]  Yeah.
[01:11:37]  Yeah.
[01:11:38]  It's just so odd.
[01:11:39]  So, so yeah, but I mean, Trump is, I mean, did you see the Trump tweet or I'm not tweet, whatever his stupid fucking platform is?
[01:11:46]  Did you see his thing about Elon?
[01:11:48]  I mean, that is like old school, pure hilarity, understands rule of three, like roast.
[01:11:58]  He is objectively hilarious.
[01:12:00]  Okay.
[01:12:01]  And Elon had nothing to come back from.
[01:12:04]  He didn't post any stupid memes or anything like that.
[01:12:07]  It's actually really funny what's happening with Elon right now.
[01:12:09]  Like Elon is learning that he's not bigger than the system.
[01:12:13]  Like he thought for a second he was bigger than the system.
[01:12:16]  And he was like, yeah, I can just do whatever I want.
[01:12:18]  Like people think I'm the smartest guy and I'm the richest guy.
[01:12:20]  So I just do whatever I want.
[01:12:22]  And the American system, the real powers would be, we'll let you know that you're not bigger than the system.
[01:12:29]  And it like immediately the next day, it's like, hey, remember when your dad fucked his daughter and had kids with her?
[01:12:37]  Oh my God.
[01:12:38]  Oh, yeah.
[01:12:40]  Well, every day there's some new negative piece of information that comes out on Elon or his dad.

=== Elon Musk and Political Cults (11:45) ===

[01:12:45]  But to me, I feel like it bothers me because like you dip your toe into those political waters.
[01:12:52]  And really what he said is like, I think there should be more free speech on Twitter.
[01:12:55]  They'll kill you.
[01:12:56]  They'll kill you.
[01:12:58]  You know, it's like, that's why so many people are like, I don't want to get political.
[01:13:01]  We have people on this show all the time who are like, I'll talk about anything except for politics.
[01:13:05]  And I understand that because it's such a toxic world.
[01:13:08]  One toe and you're in.
[01:13:10]  I don't know.
[01:13:11]  I mean, that's why I just, I think that's what happens when you become tribal.
[01:13:14]  And he became tribal.
[01:13:15]  And that's where he fucked up.
[01:13:16]  He literally said, I'm going to vote Republican.
[01:13:18]  He decided to pick a side.
[01:13:20]  And when you pick a side, you basically position everyone else against you.
[01:13:25]  You know, why not just say, I'm going to pick whoever I think is best this time around, but I have views from both sides and I understand both sides.
[01:13:33]  I think a lot of the issues, like, look, I'd rather just make jokes about things to be completely honest with you.
[01:13:39]  But like, I think a big problem here is like neither side has any empathy for one another.
[01:13:44]  And if I think a lot of the people just screaming just kind of want to be like heard a little bit, like even with the abortion debate, like right now, it's like, we, I don't care who you are.
[01:13:55]  Nobody is okay with aborting a nine month old baby.
[01:14:02]  I don't care who you are.
[01:14:03]  Some people are.
[01:14:05]  I don't believe them.
[01:14:06]  I genuinely do not believe them.
[01:14:09]  I think that they will say it, but I think given the situation or given it was either them or their sister, they would not do it.
[01:14:17]  And what that implies is that you believe there's a time in which it becomes a baby.
[01:14:22]  So now we can at least all agree on that.
[01:14:24]  There's a time when it becomes a child.
[01:14:27]  So then what's the time?
[01:14:28]  Some people think it's earlier.
[01:14:29]  Some people think it's later, but at least we're all on the same page with this.
[01:14:34]  And I think if both sides just kind of like looked at the other and said, hey, you know, like, I get what I get where you're coming from.
[01:14:42]  Like if the extreme conservatives were like, look, I get where you guys are coming from with like rape and incest.
[01:14:47]  Like I get where you're coming from and how fucking traumatic and awful that could be.
[01:14:51]  Just say, I get, you don't even have to agree with it because I understand their argument.
[01:14:55]  Let's not punish the baby.
[01:14:56]  The baby didn't do anything.
[01:14:57]  But I at least say, I get where you're coming from.
[01:14:59]  That's horrific.
[01:15:00]  It's tragic.
[01:15:01]  And I understand why you wouldn't want to go through that.
[01:15:03]  Just fucking say that.
[01:15:05]  Well, what you're saying is, and I get that, because it's the argument is, if you're going to factor in the mother's emotional burden in carrying a pregnancy she doesn't want to carry, if that, if that matters at all, then it should matter the most in the cases of race, rape and incest, because the extreme trauma to a mother in carrying a baby that she did not want, that was the product of violence, that brings up trauma for her every day for nine months.
[01:15:32]  I mean, intense trauma.
[01:15:34]  And then you have a child who's the product of your own genes mixing with your rapists.
[01:15:40]  Like the trauma's ongoing, you know, I mean, they're after.
[01:15:43]  So I get that.
[01:15:44]  And yeah, what you're saying is, why can't one side factor in a little the extreme, like the fact that a woman matters, she does matter in the process.
[01:15:52]  And the other side factor in that the baby also does matter in the process.
[01:15:57]  And it may not be all in one's camp.
[01:16:00]  That's it.
[01:16:01]  Like literally, just be a human being for one second and just say you understand why they feel that way.
[01:16:07]  Don't even change your opinion.
[01:16:09]  Just go, I don't think you're crazy.
[01:16:12]  And I do understand.
[01:16:13]  This is, this is, I got to show you this.
[01:16:15]  This just happened.
[01:16:16]  Maybe you saw it this week, but this woman, she's a California Berkeley law professor, Kiara Bridges, who testified before Congress on abortion issues.
[01:16:24]  And she had this exchange.
[01:16:25]  We played one with Josh Holly yesterday, but listen to her.
[01:16:28]  Well, here's, I don't know if you saw the Senator Cornyn one, where he's asking her such a basic question.
[01:16:33]  I mean, like, Democrats are crazy to think that this is going to play in regular America as opposed to like a Berkeley.
[01:16:39]  Listen to this.
[01:16:40]  Watch this.
[01:16:42]  You think a baby that is delivered alive has value?
[01:16:51]  Yes.
[01:16:52]  Do you think that a baby that is not yet born has value?
[01:16:58]  I believe that a person with a capacity for pregnancy has value.
[01:17:02]  They have intelligence.
[01:17:03]  They have agency.
[01:17:04]  I'm talking about the baby.
[01:17:05]  And I'm talking about the person with a capacity for pregnancy.
[01:17:07]  And you're not answering the question.
[01:17:08]  I'm asking.
[01:17:10]  I'm answering it more interestingly.
[01:17:11]  Do you think that the baby that is not yet born, let's say the day before this mother delivers, do you think that baby has value?
[01:17:20]  I think that the person with a capacity for pregnancy has value and they have the, they should have the ability to control what happens to their lives.
[01:17:26]  Well, and I just note you refuse to answer the question.
[01:17:32]  That woman would absolutely support third term abortion.
[01:17:36]  Yeah.
[01:17:37]  I mean, that woman doesn't believe anything she's saying.
[01:17:39]  Not a single.
[01:17:41]  I think she believes it at all.
[01:17:42]  Why?
[01:17:42]  No, she's living a lie.
[01:17:44]  It's Scientology.
[01:17:45]  She's just part of a cult and the cult tells her to feel this way.
[01:17:48]  And then she has value within the cult.
[01:17:51]  And she's now speaking to senators.
[01:17:53]  So she must be doing something right within a cult.
[01:17:56]  But her raw biology, her human emotion does not add up to that kind of shit at all.
[01:18:01]  And that's where the friction is because like, like even she even said something.
[01:18:04]  She's like, I'm not, I'm answering what I think is a more interesting question.
[01:18:07]  Yes.
[01:18:08]  That's not why you're here.
[01:18:09]  You're not here to answer the questions you want.
[01:18:13]  Your body does not revolve around you.
[01:18:15]  You're here because we want information and we want you to ask.
[01:18:18]  Now, he's trying to do gotcha shit.
[01:18:20]  Know where he gets with that, but this is a perfect example.
[01:18:23]  Like, just acknowledgement of the other side is so it can be so, um, yeah, it can just remove the walls, and then you could get into like a real discussion.
[01:18:35]  But I think it starts with acknowledgement right there.
[01:18:38]  Like, you're fighting with your husband or your wife.
[01:18:40]  Let's acknowledge, let's acknowledge what we've done, and let's acknowledge our part of this.
[01:18:45]  But that's a loving relationship.
[01:18:46]  We, as you say, we're so tribal now, we're not feeling any love for the other side.
[01:18:51]  And we, and as I was saying, the other side has to be willing to do their thing, you know, like say, okay, me too.
[01:18:56]  And we're just not like that politically.
[01:18:58]  You know what's interesting?
[01:19:00]  I always thought that the hierarchy was like religion, politics, I guess, like identity outside of that.
[01:19:08]  I don't know.
[01:19:11]  But when I put out the special and I said that they wanted to remove an abortion joke, it was really interesting to see like the conservative outlets post about it and support me because you'd think they would go, no,
[01:19:25]  we're not joking about abortion, but owning kind of like owning the libs and like being against censorship was actually higher on their priority list than I guess protecting the sanctity of abortion from jokes.
[01:19:41]  And I thought that was like a really interesting thing to see play out.
[01:19:45]  I don't think conservatives, at least today's conservatives, are worried so much about offense on their core issues the way maybe 30 years ago they were.
[01:19:52]  You know, they were the censors 30 years ago.
[01:19:55]  And now the shoe's on the other foot.
[01:19:56]  Now it's like the liberals who want to shut everybody up and stop allegedly offensive jokes.
[01:20:00]  And so I think you're right.
[01:20:01]  And free speech is under attack.
[01:20:03]  I don't have to tell you that.
[01:20:04]  So this has become, this really has become a hugely important fight.
[01:20:10]  I would put it right at the top of my own list in terms of personal values that I'll go down swinging on.
[01:20:15]  Like you have to, you have to stand up.
[01:20:17]  Otherwise, it's going to erode and it's going to go away.
[01:20:19]  And these lunatics on college campuses who actually think that we need to change or get rid of the First Amendment.
[01:20:24]  Okay.
[01:20:25]  You know what that world looks like?
[01:20:26]  It looks like Cuba.
[01:20:27]  None of us wants that.
[01:20:29]  But all those kids eventually get a real job and stop caring about these things.
[01:20:32]  It's like the distance between like your college opinions and a real job is this little like woke sector.
[01:20:40]  And then you get a real job and you have to do real work and your world becomes really small and your parents get old and you have to take care of your parents.
[01:20:50]  And that requires your time and your money.
[01:20:52]  And then you have kids and now your life is your kids and your parents and maybe your immediate friends.
[01:20:58]  And you just can't think about these big issues as much.
[01:21:01]  And I think the reason why like there's just so much angst is because, and I'm guilty of this, is we're pushing back the time in which people have kids.
[01:21:10]  So now they have so much more time to just complain about things, right?
[01:21:15]  Because they're not like wiping mayonnaise off of their new like shirt that they just got because their kids spilled a fucking sandwich on them.
[01:21:22]  Right.
[01:21:22]  Like it's like, once if kids, if people had kids at 25, you don't have to worry about any of these things.
[01:21:29]  But they wait until they're 38 like me.
[01:21:32]  And all of a sudden you got another 15 years of just whining about shit.
[01:21:36]  It's too much time to navel gaze.
[01:21:39]  All right, wait, there's, I have a couple of examples of that.
[01:21:41]  I want to talk to you about what happened with AOC on the on the steps of Congress yesterday because suddenly she's very against protesters.
[01:21:49]  She loved it when it was happening to Brett Kavanaugh when it happened to her.
[01:21:52]  Not so much, but she is definitely somebody who's done some navel gazing in her 34 years.
[01:22:18]  Earlier this week, the New York Times dropped a poll showing that nearly two-thirds of the Democratic Party does not want Biden to run again.
[01:22:25]  They want a different nominee on their ticket in 2024.
[01:22:30]  The vast majority of those are, you know, the number one reason amongst those was his age.
[01:22:35]  They think he's too old.
[01:22:36]  He'd be pushing 90 at the end of his second term, which is just incredible.
[01:22:41]  I mean, for to think about having an 86-year-old president is like, um, in Israel yesterday, he had another incident that led people to question just what kind of a health, you know, what kind of health he's in.
[01:22:53]  I'll show it to you and we can talk about whether you think these Democrats are right.
[01:22:56]  This is soundbite nine.
[01:23:00]  And I had a terrible headache here.
[01:23:05]  Excuse me, a terrible headache.
[01:23:08]  And I mean, it happens all the time.
[01:23:21]  So what do you make of it?
[01:23:24]  What, that he's coughing?
[01:23:26]  I don't think that's that bad.
[01:23:27]  No, just say he's got like some physical issue, you know, like he's wandering or he's coughing or he can't find his words or, you know, he can't remember the name of the Pentagon.
[01:23:35]  He can't remember the name of the defense secretary.
[01:23:37]  He says we want need to honor the Holocaust as opposed to, you know, the horror of the holiday, like just every day, you know, and the New York Times, they reported days before they released that poll, they've reported that the White House staffers are walking around the White House like, every time he speaks and every time he walks near a wire, you know, like there's just, it's just, is he too old to be president?
[01:23:58]  No, because the president doesn't do anything.
[01:24:02]  It's a fake job.
[01:24:03]  Do you really think that we plot the course of the greatest country in history every four years?
[01:24:08]  You got to be retarded if you think that's it.
[01:24:11]  Like a new guy comes in, like, oh, this is what I'm going to do now.
[01:24:14]  It's like, no, he's just there.
[01:24:15]  So we have someone to blame for the shit we're annoyed about.
[01:24:19]  And then a new guy comes in and that's the new guy to blame.
[01:24:22]  And then a new guy comes in and that's the new guy to blame.
[01:24:25]  That's all you are.
[01:24:26]  What is it?
[01:24:27]  A whipping boy?
[01:24:27]  Like, so it doesn't matter.
[01:24:29]  The problem is he's not inspiring.

=== Crossing Lines in Public Politics (13:35) ===

[01:24:31]  When you get like an exciting, inspiring dude, someone who charges you up, someone who makes you feel proud to be American, but also makes you look good on the global stage.
[01:24:40]  And by good on the global stage, I mean just bullies everybody else.
[01:24:43]  Like, say what you want.
[01:24:45]  Like, there was a moment, like, there's a moment.
[01:24:47]  And again, I'm not fucking political.
[01:24:50]  Like, there is a moment, though, where like, I think Trump was at like the G20 or something like that.
[01:24:55]  And he just pushed a couple leaders out the way to stand in front.
[01:24:59]  And I was like, that's right.
[01:25:01]  That's right.
[01:25:03]  We don't stand in the back.
[01:25:05]  We're not Sweden.
[01:25:06]  Okay.
[01:25:07]  We're the United States of America.
[01:25:09]  There should be a red circle for us to stand right in the fucking front.
[01:25:13]  Okay.
[01:25:14]  So I like that.
[01:25:15]  And I kind of like, I'd like to see a leader do that.
[01:25:18]  Just be like fun, wild, charismatic.
[01:25:20]  You're not going to change a single thing.
[01:25:21]  We're going to be angry at you for all this other stuff.
[01:25:23]  And that's what it is.
[01:25:25]  All right.
[01:25:25]  So if you're, if what you're looking for is charisma, then maybe you are a fan of AOC, whether you believe in her politics or not.
[01:25:31]  It's hard.
[01:25:31]  It's not likable.
[01:25:32]  Oh.
[01:25:33]  It's a hard thing when you're just saying that because you want to sleep with her.
[01:25:37]  No, That's what she said.
[01:25:39]  Not at all.
[01:25:40]  To be honest with you, not at all.
[01:25:42]  I mean, just hearing about that, all just like, you'd have to like hear those opinions like straight up.
[01:25:48]  Like all this.
[01:25:49]  You know what I mean?
[01:25:51]  It is also interesting that like all these like chicks in politics that complain about like the white male patriarchy all date white guys.
[01:25:58]  It's like, that'd be interesting.
[01:25:59]  Like you want to keep that going for some reason.
[01:26:02]  But, but yeah, I don't know.
[01:26:03]  I'm just like, there's an unlikability in her.
[01:26:06]  And it's hard.
[01:26:07]  Like when that exists, it's just you can't get beyond that.
[01:26:11]  I understand the game she's playing.
[01:26:12]  She's playing it fucking brilliantly.
[01:26:14]  She knows the current.
[01:26:15]  She's a congressional Kardashian.
[01:26:16]  That's what she is.
[01:26:17]  She knows exactly how to work the camera.
[01:26:19]  She knows how to work it.
[01:26:20]  She knows how to start the conversation.
[01:26:21]  She knows how to enter conversations.
[01:26:23]  She knows how to not engage when she can't win or get clout out of it.
[01:26:27]  Like she's playing politics very well.
[01:26:31]  And so like, objectively, I'll be like, hey, that's good, what you're doing.
[01:26:36]  But I just, I find her like unlikable.
[01:26:40]  So she was in the news yesterday because there was a heckler who came up and, well, I'll let the words speak for themselves, but kind of gave her a hard time.
[01:26:50]  And then she claimed she was going to deck him and started ripping immediately on security on Capitol Hill because she's constantly saying, I'm unprotected.
[01:26:57]  I'm unprotected once again.
[01:26:59]  You know, she's like, whatever.
[01:27:00]  Okay.
[01:27:00]  So here's that bit where she got heckled.
[01:27:02]  Watch.
[01:27:04]  See, my favorite big booty Latina.
[01:27:06]  I love you, AOC.
[01:27:07]  You're my favorite.
[01:27:08]  She wants to kill babies, and she's still beautiful.
[01:27:11]  You look very beautiful in that dress.
[01:27:13]  You look very sexy.
[01:27:14]  Look at that booty on AOC.
[01:27:16]  That's my favorite big booty Latina.
[01:27:19]  I love it.
[01:27:20]  My favorite AOC.
[01:27:21]  Nice to meet you, AOC.
[01:27:22]  Look how sexy she looks in that dress.
[01:27:25]  I love it, AOC.
[01:27:27]  Hot ta-ta like a tabale.
[01:27:29]  Okay, so his name is Alex Stein.
[01:27:31]  He's definitely doing some harassing, you know, some heckling there.
[01:27:35]  And she later posted about her reaction to it.
[01:27:38]  Here's that.
[01:27:40]  Hey, everybody.
[01:27:41]  I'm here in the Capitol.
[01:27:43]  See this guy right there?
[01:27:45]  Right there.
[01:27:47]  He, when I was walking up, he said, hey, right in front of the Capitol police officer.
[01:27:55]  Hey, here's this.
[01:27:58]  Look at that big ass.
[01:27:59]  Look at that big, juicy booty.
[01:28:02]  This Latina, like whatever, you know, all the bunch of racist, sexist stuff.
[01:28:07]  And since nobody can do anything, I'm just on you because this institution is not designed to protect people.
[01:28:25]  And it's really hard and it's really sad that my only recourse is to just let you know about it.
[01:28:31]  But that's the institution we're in.
[01:28:38]  Oh my God.
[01:28:39]  I'm sorry, but give me a fucking break.
[01:28:43]  You're a public figure.
[01:28:45]  Yeah, that guy's a weirdo, though.
[01:28:47]  That's a weird thing.
[01:28:48]  Fine.
[01:28:49]  Fine.
[01:28:49]  He's a weirdo.
[01:28:50]  But can I just tell you, Andrew, this is the same woman who was cheering Brett Kavanaugh getting harassed out of his seat at Morton's while he's trying to have a steak.
[01:28:59]  She's a weirdo.
[01:29:00]  Who, effing who?
[01:29:01]  You didn't get to have your dessert.
[01:29:02]  So I don't give a shit that she had to hear big booty Latina.
[01:29:07]  Every woman on earth has heard that and a thousand times worse.
[01:29:10]  And it's not the Capitol Police's job to run over and police the guy's words coming out of his mouth.
[01:29:15]  She acts like she's the only one there who needs to be protected.
[01:29:18]  And that every time somebody doesn't run to interfere to protect her ego, she's been let down again by Capitol Security.
[01:29:24]  I've had it with her nonsense victim claims.
[01:29:28]  Yeah, I think that, yeah, I hear you.
[01:29:32]  I also just think that guy's a weirdo.
[01:29:34]  And like, if that guy was talking to my wife like that, I would beat the fucking shit out of him.
[01:29:39]  Yes.
[01:29:40]  I agree.
[01:29:41]  I totally give you that point.
[01:29:43]  Like, and I'll be honest.
[01:29:44]  I mean, like, if I'm there and he's just talking to AOC like that, I'd be like, bro, what are you doing?
[01:29:50]  I probably, I don't want a guy talking like that.
[01:29:52]  Now, that being said, if it's Nancy Pelosi and those brand new jugs of hers, like you could absolutely talk about that, but that's because those are the people's jokes.
[01:30:01]  Like, we've paid, we've paid with our tax dollars for her to get those.
[01:30:07]  So those are also ours.
[01:30:09]  So we are, those are my tips a little bit.
[01:30:11]  Those were shocking pictures.
[01:30:13]  Yeah.
[01:30:14]  That was great.
[01:30:15]  But no, I don't.
[01:30:16]  I just feel like, look, it's not, it's not nice that people harass you, but this happens.
[01:30:21]  I've been like AOC, both a public figure and not a public figure.
[01:30:26]  And I was not a public figure for the first 34 years of my life.
[01:30:30]  And you get harassed like this all the time.
[01:30:31]  It's called being a woman.
[01:30:32]  You know, it's like, please.
[01:30:34]  So it's like, it's not because she's special and the Capitol Police did not have some obligation to run over and protect her from mean words.
[01:30:41]  And she's totally fine having this done to a guy who just had an assassination attempt on his life.
[01:30:47]  It's fine for you to do it to him to scare him out of the back of Morton's, but she can't take a couple of words about her booty.
[01:30:54]  Spare me.
[01:30:56]  Yeah.
[01:30:56]  I mean, I would also say like her booty is not her most flattering asset at all.
[01:31:00]  So like, I think the guy was definitely being hyperbolic.
[01:31:03]  Like, yeah, I think he was just trying to antagonize, which is like annoying.
[01:31:08]  It's like she actually was known for the booty.
[01:31:11]  Then it might be, there might be some truth to it.
[01:31:15]  And maybe he's like a real big fan.
[01:31:16]  But I would say that the booty is quite pedestrian.
[01:31:20]  It's not, it's not, you know, it's not, it's, it's not the thing.
[01:31:24]  But like, yeah, again, like, I think what she does sucks, but I also think what that guy does sucks.
[01:31:30]  I also think that there's nothing sexist or racist about his comments.
[01:31:35]  I don't think, I think he mentioned Latina.
[01:31:38]  He mentioned that.
[01:31:39]  Yeah, but mentioning she's Latina.
[01:31:41]  Like, right?
[01:31:43]  Like, is she not?
[01:31:44]  Again, I think it's Latinx, please.
[01:31:46]  I've yet to meet a Hispanic person that identifies as Latinx.
[01:31:50]  No, because it's literally 2%, 2% of the Hispanic community that likes that.
[01:31:54]  But wait, perhaps you could relate to her on her feminist strain, you know, her feminist feelings.
[01:32:01]  I did see in your special that you feel you feel a bond with some of these feminists and their messaging and infamous.
[01:32:08]  Here is a clip, which is one of my favorites.
[01:32:11]  This is Soundbite 4.
[01:32:13]  Ladies, how are we going to get on the same page?
[01:32:16]  We agree on most shit, right?
[01:32:18]  You think that we disagree on a lot, sweetheart?
[01:32:20]  Like what?
[01:32:20]  Like what?
[01:32:24]  Really?
[01:32:25]  I went to one of them women's marches and we had a lot in common.
[01:32:29]  I saw those girls screaming, freezing.
[01:32:37]  That sounds pretty good.
[01:32:40]  Right.
[01:32:41]  They're screaming, we should be able to have sex with as many guys as we want.
[01:32:44]  Yes, you should.
[01:32:47]  And if we get pregnant, we should be able to abort it.
[01:32:49]  Hopefully.
[01:32:51]  And we need to work so we can pay our half.
[01:32:53]  Hallelujah.
[01:32:55]  Fellas, get down here.
[01:32:57]  It's happening.
[01:32:58]  We've reached common ground.
[01:33:01]  It was unbelievable.
[01:33:02]  These women were fighting for the right to become the men they've always hated.
[01:33:07]  Just walking around with their shirts off, fucking whoever, not worried about the kid.
[01:33:11]  Like, y'all feminists are fuckboys.
[01:33:13]  What is this shit?
[01:33:16]  It's good.
[01:33:17]  Fellas, get down here.
[01:33:21]  You know, that's it.
[01:33:22]  I went on it.
[01:33:22]  One of the first dates I ever went on with my wife.
[01:33:25]  I don't even know if it's a date, but there was a woman's march in New York.
[01:33:28]  And we went and I like pretended to lead it.
[01:33:32]  Like I kind of like was at the front.
[01:33:34]  So like I was just walking in front, like marching, like, and my wife was cracking up.
[01:33:38]  And I was like, okay, yeah, we're going to be good.
[01:33:40]  And, but I would see the girls and like what they were supporting.
[01:33:43]  There were girls with their tops off and all this other kind of stuff.
[01:33:46]  And I'm like, where do you think the pushback is here?
[01:33:49]  Like, you know what I mean?
[01:33:50]  Like, like, what is going on that you think guys are upset that your tits are out?
[01:33:56]  Like, not at all.
[01:33:58]  Right?
[01:33:58]  Like, like, really, most things that I think women want, guys' support.
[01:34:03]  I'm, I, I think, yeah, like, I think most guys would look at the dude that was harassing AOC and go, bro, you're a weirdo, man.
[01:34:10]  Just like leave that girl alone.
[01:34:12]  You know, like you're actually just trying to make her feel uncomfortable.
[01:34:16]  Like, if you thought her ass was nice, you were trying to get her number and you were like, honestly, you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen in my entire life.
[01:34:22]  That might be inappropriate to say, but like, I would be regretful if I didn't at least ask if I could take you out to dinner.
[01:34:28]  Like, even if she said no, guys would be like, I respect that you did that.
[01:34:31]  But you like just trying to make a woman feel uncomfortable doesn't like sit right with me.
[01:34:37]  You know, so yeah, I think that's where I would give some uh pushback.
[01:34:41]  What do you make of like these protests at the Supreme Court justice's homes?
[01:34:47]  I mean, hey, man, this, you know what I mean?
[01:34:52]  Like, I, it's uncomfortable, but also you decided to, you know, you decide to take the job for life where you decide the rules.
[01:35:00]  You know, you don't, you think that happens and there's no way.
[01:35:03]  You can't really decide the rules.
[01:35:04]  You just say what the law is.
[01:35:05]  I mean, that's their job is just to say what the law is.
[01:35:07]  Yeah, but like if you look at the way that they've voted throughout history, they just vote the party line.
[01:35:11]  So it's not like they're, we think they're the most objective people in the world.
[01:35:15]  That's not true.
[01:35:16]  Look at the votes.
[01:35:17]  They did a study on this.
[01:35:19]  It's not true.
[01:35:20]  In fact, for the most of our constitutional history, most of the justices tend to be more originalist the way that Scalia is.
[01:35:26]  But about 100 plus years ago, they started to get more partisan, more partisan.
[01:35:30]  And now you can predict how they're going to rule based on ideology, which is close to judicial philosophy.
[01:35:36]  Recent history, not ancient.
[01:35:38]  I mean, I was just watching a conversation about this when I was at Burning Man once, and they were just breaking down like the votes of the Supreme Court justices.
[01:35:48]  But yes, it seems like they are more partisan.
[01:35:52]  It's probably not the greatest source, but I do think this is the slippery slope we get into.
[01:35:58]  You know, when you allow protests at the justices' homes, which the law prevents, by the way, Marilyn just said it's going to start cracking down on that.
[01:36:05]  Twitter just cracked down on Ruth's group or Ruth sent us for publishing their home addresses two months after the harassment began.
[01:36:13]  It's like, okay, okay, we need to.
[01:36:15]  Let me clarify my opinion.
[01:36:16]  Like, I don't think that anybody should be able to break the law and interfere with people's lives.
[01:36:21]  Just like I don't want that guy harassing AOC.
[01:36:25]  I also don't want someone showing up at LeBron's house and harassing him for you don't want somebody showing up at Amy Coney Barrett's house, even if it's consistent with the law.
[01:36:34]  I don't want inside and you know, 10-year-old shit.
[01:36:38]  But if you want to protest the Supreme Court and you want to stand outside the Supreme Court, you have the freedom and right in America.
[01:36:46]  That's American.
[01:36:47]  Yes.
[01:36:47]  So I agree.
[01:36:48]  I think that there is a line that is being crossed 100%.
[01:36:52]  And so I just want to clarify that.
[01:36:54]  I think that these people, we can't stop people from protesting them.
[01:37:00]  And we stop people from protesting.
[01:37:01]  But the whole debate is only one other recourse.
[01:37:04]  The whole debate is about at the homes, you know, and it's too close.
[01:37:10]  It crosses an inappropriate, and not in the restaurants.
[01:37:12]  And I don't care whether it's a Democrat or Republican, a judge, or a congressperson.
[01:37:16]  Leave them alone in their personal lives.
[01:37:17]  It's important to the rest of us that they get to be humans.
[01:37:21]  Unless it's Nancy Pelosi and them big old fucking things she's got.
[01:37:27]  It's those need to be discussed.
[01:37:30]  They need to be talked about.
[01:37:32]  They need to be studied.
[01:37:33]  They need to be hooked up to a dairy farm.
[01:37:36]  They need to do certain things with those things because that, that, what she's doing is not American.
[01:37:43]  This is why infamous is going to get so many hits.
[01:37:48]  You can get it for yourself.
[01:37:49]  Please do get it for yourself if you want to support Andrew.
[01:37:52]  So much fun talking to you.
[01:37:53]  Thank you so much for being here.
[01:37:54]  Go support his new special.
[01:37:56]  Theandrewschultz.com is where you can buy it.
[01:37:58]  Comes out on Sunday, but get now and you can pre-register.
[01:38:02]  Thanks for listening to The Megan Kelly Show.
[01:38:04]  No BS, no agenda, and no