The Michael Knowles Show - Blackface, Seed Oils, & Diddy | YES or NO: John Crist Aired: 2024-12-30 Duration: 01:01:40 === Yes or No Game (08:52) === [00:00:00] Ooh. [00:00:00] Men should never take a paternity leave. [00:00:02] Not because there's anything wrong with taking care of the family, but because you don't want people to think you're a lesbian. [00:00:07] Okay. [00:00:08] I didn't read the end of that. [00:00:10] Hold on. [00:00:11] Oh. [00:00:12] My guest today is a professional comedian with a tour called Jokes for Humans. [00:00:32] But the yes or no game is no laughing matter. [00:00:35] This is very, very serious, and I intend to win against my guest, John Crist. [00:00:41] Let's do it, brother. [00:00:42] John, thank you for being here. [00:00:43] We shake hands? [00:00:44] For now. [00:00:45] We'll see how the game goes. [00:00:47] If you want to play the game, not against John. [00:00:49] He won't come to your house. [00:00:50] But you can play against your friends and family. [00:00:53] DailyWire.com slash shop. [00:00:54] You can get the expansion packs. [00:00:56] You can't get my drink, but you can probably find that at the liquor store. [00:00:58] I have to have scotch today. [00:01:00] You've got to have scotch. [00:01:01] This is new. [00:01:02] You always have a martini. [00:01:04] I have a martini. [00:01:05] And I don't want to call anyone out or anything, but my assistant Molly broke my glass. [00:01:10] It's her fault. [00:01:11] It is her, and I'm... [00:01:13] I was thinking this is a power play, because you'd normally... [00:01:16] And I was thinking maybe if this is a little stronger, you're maybe a little bit more nervous about this. [00:01:20] Well, I am. [00:01:22] It's very hard to keep up with a comedian. [00:01:23] See, I'm already on top. [00:01:24] I'm already on top. [00:01:25] This is a glass of pure vodka. [00:01:28] Straight. [00:01:28] And people drink it with pebble ice. [00:01:32] That's very common. [00:01:33] You're like, I've never seen that. [00:01:35] You go into a bar, can I get a straight vodka with slushy ice? [00:01:39] That'd be great. [00:01:40] Interesting. [00:01:42] Now, is the watch part of the strategy or no? [00:01:45] It's a nice watch. [00:01:46] Thank you. [00:01:47] This watch is a true story. [00:01:49] I had a knockoff, a Chinatown knockoff of this in high school, and I finally decided when Ben Shapiro sent me my first paycheck, which was like two weeks ago. [00:01:58] And that's how he makes you say it. [00:01:59] Ben Shapiro said to you. [00:02:01] I said, great, I can invest in a watch. [00:02:02] Yeah. [00:02:03] This game, the clock is ticking. [00:02:06] We have, I think, under an hour. [00:02:08] I'm ready. [00:02:08] To see who knows the other one better. [00:02:11] Interesting. [00:02:11] And we've done a little bit of research on each other, peripherally. [00:02:15] Yes. [00:02:15] Yeah. [00:02:17] I feel like if I shaved, I would look like you. [00:02:20] But now you look like Matt. [00:02:21] Yeah, now I look like Matt, yeah. [00:02:23] Number one. [00:02:25] You have to guess how I would answer this. [00:02:27] Got it. [00:02:27] Moses would be a Republican. [00:02:29] Bonus, you're right, but bonus, why? [00:02:40] Open borders. [00:02:43] He left Egypt, dude. [00:02:45] Come on, what do you mean? [00:02:47] Open borders. [00:02:48] I was thinking he might be more akin to a monarchist, but you're right, the open borders. [00:02:52] Yeah, he left. [00:02:53] He's like, I'm out of here. [00:02:55] You're stuck in Egypt. [00:02:56] He said, no, we're not. [00:02:58] I'm leaving. [00:02:59] My land now, thank you. [00:03:01] Moses? [00:03:03] For sure. [00:03:04] I'm going to drink just for that beautiful answer. [00:03:06] Oh, you take it back. [00:03:07] I thought you'd leave it here. [00:03:08] I say if I get it wrong, I have to drink. [00:03:12] Okay. [00:03:12] If I get it right, I get to drink. [00:03:14] Oh, I like that. [00:03:15] So it's not like with out-of-arms reach. [00:03:17] You can't because you got it wrong. [00:03:19] All right. [00:03:20] You're up. [00:03:20] Well, Moses, let me think. [00:03:22] I mean, the plagues, he called those down. [00:03:24] Let me see. [00:03:25] What else did he do? [00:03:26] Oh, he had that... [00:03:27] He killed somebody. [00:03:29] Soft on crime. [00:03:30] Soft on crime. [00:03:31] Moses? [00:03:32] Yeah, dude, for sure. [00:03:34] He killed somebody, they go, eh. [00:03:36] Just go out in the desert for a little bit. [00:03:39] But no one ever came down on him? [00:03:41] Nope. [00:03:41] No Tom Homer. [00:03:42] Served no time? [00:03:43] No. [00:03:46] For sure a Democrat. [00:03:47] Yeah. [00:03:47] Definitely. [00:03:48] All right, my turn? [00:03:49] You're up. [00:03:53] Going to Disney sucks. [00:03:56] It's really just a way for cocky parents to test their family's resilience. [00:04:00] Going to Disney sucks. [00:04:06] Obvious. [00:04:07] For sure. [00:04:08] I've never done it with my family. [00:04:09] I did it when I was a kid. [00:04:10] Never since. [00:04:11] Never with yours? [00:04:12] No. [00:04:12] Not with my, like, you know, since I'm a father. [00:04:14] Well, I think one of my... [00:04:15] I never forget this story. [00:04:17] One of my buddies, Randy, he took his four kids... [00:04:21] Disney, you know, you can do like five parks. [00:04:23] How many parks are down there? [00:04:24] Yeah. [00:04:24] So many. [00:04:25] And they took them to Epcot, Magic Kingdom, Animal, I was going to say Animal Planet. [00:04:29] What's it called? [00:04:29] Animal Kingdom. [00:04:30] Song of the South. [00:04:31] All of them. [00:04:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:04:32] And one day, he told me this story when he got back to the office. [00:04:35] He said, one day it rained, so we couldn't go to any of the parks, and we were staying at like the Motel 6. Yeah. [00:04:42] And he goes, there was a pond out back, and his kids went and caught crawdads in the pond because they were just bored. [00:04:50] And on the way home, they said, what was your favorite part? [00:04:56] What was your favorite part of the week? [00:04:58] And they said, catching the crawdads behind the motel. [00:05:01] Not hotel. [00:05:03] Motel. [00:05:03] And he said, I will never do this again. [00:05:05] Yeah, well, that's nice. [00:05:06] So he spent probably $10,000 or something. [00:05:09] And they've got great crawdads. [00:05:11] That's good. [00:05:12] Yeah, because you know kids. [00:05:14] When do your kids meltdown? [00:05:16] After how many hours? [00:05:17] Eight hours. [00:05:17] Being out? [00:05:19] Yeah. [00:05:19] Max. [00:05:21] Yeah, yeah. [00:05:21] So you get there, you're not getting into the amusement park until two hours. [00:05:27] Since waking them up? [00:05:29] Yeah. [00:05:29] Tram, parking lot, you gotta buy tickets. [00:05:33] No. [00:05:33] And then you get in there, we want some chicken fingers. [00:05:36] No. [00:05:37] No. [00:05:37] Plus, I don't know, I need to get my ratings up before I can afford the fast pass where you actually get to cut the lines and everything. [00:05:43] I was going to say, ratings with your family? [00:05:44] They rate you? [00:05:45] They do. [00:05:45] They do. [00:05:46] They're going to rate me low if I take you to Disney. [00:05:48] All right, here we go. [00:05:49] In 15 years or so, scientists will discover the health benefits of seed oils. [00:05:55] You have to guess what I would say. [00:05:58] Hmm. [00:05:59] Mr. Davies, could you please give me a point? [00:06:06] I say no. [00:06:07] Is it? [00:06:08] They will. [00:06:09] Here's why. [00:06:09] You think so? [00:06:10] Because the seed oils are of the devil. [00:06:13] We all agree they're poison. [00:06:14] They cause inflammation or whatever. [00:06:16] And which are the popular ones? [00:06:18] The canola. [00:06:20] Canola was the rebrand, I think, of something called rapeseed oil. [00:06:24] That's not a joke. [00:06:26] Could have used a rebrand. [00:06:27] It was a glove. [00:06:30] If there's anyone... [00:06:31] Overdue for a rebrand. [00:06:33] It was good old rapeseed oil. [00:06:35] So now they're the devil and everyone hates them. [00:06:37] However, the thing about science is it's largely fake. [00:06:41] So every 15 years, everything is popular, especially nutritional science, changes. [00:06:47] Remember when they flipped the food pyramid? [00:06:48] So I bet... [00:06:50] I'm not coming out as pro-seed oil. [00:06:52] I'm just saying this is more a referendum on science than it is on rape seed oil. [00:06:57] And read the question again. [00:06:58] So, hold on. [00:06:59] You're saying... [00:07:00] In 15 years or so, yes, scientists will discover the health benefits of seed oils. [00:07:07] Because now they've just discovered why they're bad. [00:07:10] Oh, so they currently think they're bad. [00:07:12] Yes. [00:07:12] Well, I was because we had a thing about the cold plunge. [00:07:18] Everybody's on it. [00:07:19] When was it? [00:07:20] Last summer. [00:07:21] Everybody's obsessed with it. [00:07:22] And then they were like, oh, wait. [00:07:23] This is actually just putting your heart... [00:07:25] You're having a mini heart attack. [00:07:28] That's why you're so, like, amped up all day. [00:07:30] You're like, I have so much energy. [00:07:31] Like, yeah, you just almost went into paralysis. [00:07:34] Yeah. [00:07:34] Your body went into shock and it was like, pump the blood everywhere, we're drowning. [00:07:39] Yes. [00:07:40] Did you ever do it? [00:07:41] Never once. [00:07:42] No, me neither. [00:07:42] And it turns out, that's not good for your body. [00:07:45] Yeah. [00:07:45] And they're just like, oh, my bad. [00:07:47] Yeah. [00:07:50] Oh, well, we thought... [00:07:51] Everybody's like, I can send so many more emails at work. [00:07:54] Like, how is this a venom? [00:07:55] Well, luckily, right when that became popular, everyone had just taken a clot shot, mRNA vaccine, and had started doing a bunch of six-milli lip pillies. [00:08:02] So their hearts were already begging, just saying, please, don't, no, not the cold plunge! [00:08:08] Do you know what I do instead of the cold plunge? [00:08:10] I take a nice warm shower in the morning like a normal person. [00:08:14] I just wake up and say a prayer and then I go to work. [00:08:16] Maybe have a cup of coffee. [00:08:19] We're so insane because they were putting ice in there and they were going to the Arctic and then there's retreats, cold plunge retreats. [00:08:27] I go, just forgive your parents. [00:08:29] This is too much. [00:08:32] It's okay. [00:08:32] I'm depressed too. [00:08:34] You got your dad's phone number right there. === Diddy vs. Epstein (03:45) === [00:08:38] Just call him and say, Dad, I'm coming home for Christmas. [00:08:43] Maybe the seed oil's worth the problem, dude. [00:08:46] Alright, here we go. [00:08:49] Sent in by a listener. [00:08:51] I'm not sure, actually. [00:08:52] The Diddy files are worse than the Epstein files, but we likely won't get to see either. [00:08:57] I'm going to say, guaranteed, we're not going to see either. [00:09:01] But the Diddy files are worse than the Epstein files. [00:09:05] You would say... [00:09:07] What would I say? [00:09:08] Hold on, let me think what I say about this. [00:09:09] Yeah, okay. [00:09:12] Alright, I'm ready. [00:09:15] I think the Epstein files are worse. [00:09:17] Yes. [00:09:17] Yeah. [00:09:17] You agree? [00:09:18] Yes. [00:09:19] Yeah. [00:09:19] And I agree that you would also think that, which I happen to agree with. [00:09:23] What's the score? [00:09:24] No one knows. [00:09:25] The letter B, I think. [00:09:28] Well... [00:09:28] The Diddy stuff was widespread. [00:09:31] It went on for a long time. [00:09:32] But to me, it seems like usual Hollywood degeneracy. [00:09:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:09:36] There's no ulterior... [00:09:37] It's just a bunch of people not having boundaries. [00:09:40] Yes. [00:09:40] And that's how it goes. [00:09:41] That seems like an international spy ring or something, right? [00:09:44] Yeah, yeah. [00:09:44] I think, yeah. [00:09:45] Although maybe people say Diddy's a Fed. [00:09:47] Kanye West said Diddy was a Fed. [00:09:49] But Kanye West says a lot of things. [00:09:50] Yeah, Kanye West. [00:09:51] It should be, do you believe Kanye West in everything or nothing? [00:09:54] And we have to choose. [00:09:55] I mean, I think the Epstein, there's a little bit more money and power. [00:10:00] Yeah. [00:10:01] Diddy said, I got $5 million to bid. [00:10:02] They're like, $5 million? [00:10:04] Dude, what? [00:10:04] Are you kidding me? [00:10:05] It's the canapé budget of one Epstein dinner. [00:10:07] I make this this afternoon. [00:10:09] Yeah. [00:10:09] Yeah. [00:10:10] It has to be more sinister, I think, because there's more. [00:10:13] Plus, did he do it in New York City? [00:10:17] Yeah. [00:10:18] You're like, dude, talk to me when you've got to fly to a private island. [00:10:21] An island off the other island that you have to land in. [00:10:25] Yeah, because they know what the international law is. [00:10:28] Now, granted, there's not many laws in New York City. [00:10:30] That's true. [00:10:31] But... [00:10:31] We go, yeah, where are you going to the Diddy party? [00:10:34] Yeah, floor six. [00:10:36] We're like, what? [00:10:37] Fine. [00:10:38] Yeah, I don't love it. [00:10:39] I don't love it, but, I don't know, we'll be in the parking garage, dude. [00:10:44] And, well, who's in jail? [00:10:48] Diddy's in jail, currently. [00:10:49] Diddy is in jail, but Epstein was in jail. [00:10:51] They're probably both going to end up in the same place. [00:10:53] Is he still alive? [00:10:56] What's the end of the same place? [00:10:58] No, he's not alive. [00:10:58] What's that joke? [00:11:00] Oh, I thought you meant hell. [00:11:01] And hell. [00:11:02] And after that. [00:11:03] I was going to make sure everybody got that joke. [00:11:05] I don't think Epstein is still alive. [00:11:08] Do you? [00:11:11] No, Tupac is, but Epstein, no, Tupac's alive for sure. [00:11:15] And Biggie killed Epstein. [00:11:16] Yeah, 100%. [00:11:18] Epstein is, yeah, I don't believe it's alive. [00:11:21] Granted, I didn't know who he was before. [00:11:24] No. [00:11:24] This is what happens in the news, though, is there's like a news story, and then everyone reads half an article, or like four tweets, and just becomes an expert on it. [00:11:33] It's like, I was saying 45 minutes ago. [00:11:36] Oh, yeah. [00:11:37] I like those TikTok investigators. [00:11:39] Remember when the murder happened here in Nashville? [00:11:42] Not the murder, sorry, the kid that went in the river. [00:11:44] Remember that? [00:11:45] There's all these guys in their apartments like, alright. [00:11:48] I'm like, what? [00:11:50] Hold on, guys. [00:11:51] Be quiet. [00:11:52] Let's hear this guy out. [00:11:52] Yeah. [00:11:54] Let's hear this guy out. [00:11:55] He's unemployed, but he... [00:11:56] I think he knows. [00:11:57] I think he knows. [00:11:58] He read some tweets. [00:11:58] Guys, be quiet. [00:11:59] Let's listen to the real... [00:12:00] Yeah, not the news. [00:12:01] No. [00:12:02] There's so much more to say. [00:12:03] First, though, go to GoodRanchers.com. [00:12:04] Use code Knowles. [00:12:05] This Christmas season is about tradition. === Baptism And Sacraments (14:33) === [00:12:08] Gathering around the table with family, sharing meals together, celebrating what makes America great. [00:12:13] But... [00:12:13] Between the crowded grocery stores, the questionable meat sourcing, preparing that perfect Christmas feast has become more stressful than it should be, which is why I trust Good Ranchers. [00:12:22] You know, the deeper reason I trust Good Ranchers is that they have the best meat, 100% American meat, no antibiotics, no hormones, premium steakhouse quality cuts. [00:12:31] They have the best meat at insanely low prices, come right to your door, pre-trimmed, individually vacuum sealed. [00:12:38] It's just out of control. [00:12:39] For Christmas, you've got to make sure you stock up on your Good Ranchers. [00:12:42] Do it for your Christmas dinner, but do it also for gifts. [00:12:47] You can get luxury gift boxes. [00:12:48] You can get the Michael Knowles box. [00:12:49] It's just fantastic. [00:12:50] Good Ranchers, code Knowles right now. [00:12:53] You will get to pick a free gift that is included in every box for a year, plus $25 off your order and free express shipping. [00:13:00] Go to GoodRanchers.com. [00:13:01] Use code Knowles, K-N-W-L-A-S, to claim this exclusive offer. [00:13:04] GoodRanchers.com, American Meat. [00:13:07] Delivered. [00:13:07] Alright, here we go. [00:13:08] People say Democrats have no sense of humor, but that's not true. [00:13:13] They're always talking about women's rights. [00:13:17] Looking at the camera. [00:13:23] Yeah, they are. [00:13:24] They're always talking about women's rights. [00:13:25] Yeah. [00:13:26] Yeah, I agree. [00:13:26] And you said they got a good sense of humor? [00:13:28] Yeah, well, hold on. [00:13:29] I'm just saying they're talking about it. [00:13:32] It's a fact. [00:13:33] Yeah, they are talking about it. [00:13:35] Yeah, that's all right. [00:13:35] I would say the right has a better sense of humor. [00:13:40] For sure. [00:13:41] Derns have made jokes. [00:13:44] You know what? [00:13:45] I think every time I go, I mean, I spend a lot of time making jokes around right-leaning things. [00:13:51] NASCAR, you know, college football. [00:13:53] I would say, we used to do a thing on our podcast where you used to choose, is it right or left? [00:13:57] We used to do car brands. [00:13:59] Chevy, right or left? [00:14:00] You know, you just guess. [00:14:01] Ford, right or left? [00:14:02] For some reason, I would say Chevy left. [00:14:04] We'd always do this. [00:14:05] What is NASCAR, right or left? [00:14:08] That's right. [00:14:08] Yes. [00:14:09] Yeah, without saying it. [00:14:10] They pray to Jesus, by the way. [00:14:13] Really? [00:14:13] Yes. [00:14:14] I haven't watched it. [00:14:15] Live. [00:14:15] Really? [00:14:16] They pray to Jesus live before the race. [00:14:18] That's great. [00:14:19] Which I don't know. [00:14:20] They're like, God, please keep us safe. [00:14:21] We're going to fire these things up. [00:14:22] Ford's definitely on the right. [00:14:24] Ford was a little bit. [00:14:25] He was kind of extreme on the right. [00:14:26] Yeah, but not a, like, what is the Ford Focus might be left. [00:14:32] That's true. [00:14:32] Henry is rolling over in his grave. [00:14:34] Ford as a brand, it would be right. [00:14:37] They put out newspapers and things. [00:14:38] It was in the past. [00:14:40] Tesla could go either way. [00:14:41] You're right. [00:14:42] You're like the libertarians. [00:14:43] Yeah. [00:14:43] Like, Elon's a libertarian. [00:14:44] Yeah. [00:14:45] Libertarians, sometimes they have purple hair. [00:14:47] Could go either way. [00:14:48] Or they're, you know, just give me my money and my guns. [00:14:50] But the Democrats, I would say, you go to a NASCAR race and you're making fun of, they're like, they have a mullet and they have overalls and Crocs on. [00:15:03] But they know. [00:15:05] They know they're in on it. [00:15:08] They're like, yeah, we know this is funny. [00:15:10] Get me in your video. [00:15:11] It's funny. [00:15:13] There's never anything. [00:15:14] Where would be the funnest left-leaning activity? [00:15:22] They were having a good joking time. [00:15:26] Everything's very serious. [00:15:28] Speech is very protected. [00:15:29] Truly, the nearest would be just doing drugs. [00:15:33] That's pretty fun. [00:15:34] But the thing is, I've never done hard drugs. [00:15:38] Even if I had a little of the delicatis. [00:15:42] That's one of the prompts. [00:15:43] Even if I had, on occasion, maybe a little of the old sin spinach. [00:15:47] I found it made other things sometimes seem funnier, but I got much less funny. [00:15:53] Okay, yeah, yeah. [00:15:54] You weren't as funny. [00:15:55] I just got stupider. [00:15:57] You weren't on it. [00:15:58] I wasn't on it. [00:15:59] Not like you're on it right now. [00:16:00] Yeah, exactly. [00:16:01] You were like, I've got to get hammered if I'm going to go to this WNBA game to enjoy it. [00:16:06] I mean, I just... [00:16:07] I guess that would be funny. [00:16:08] That would be a funny... [00:16:09] But everything seems so serious. [00:16:11] Yeah. [00:16:11] Hey, listen. [00:16:12] We'll open it up to everybody. [00:16:14] I'm sure most of the right-leaning people are watching this, but we'll come. [00:16:17] Me and you. [00:16:18] Yeah, yeah. [00:16:18] We'll go. [00:16:19] Please. [00:16:21] Yeah, we'll go learn. [00:16:23] Yeah, and we'll never have to leave our homes. [00:16:27] Oh, here we go. [00:16:28] Now, this one makes... [00:16:30] This one, at least grammatically, is going to be easy to choose. [00:16:33] Okay. [00:16:34] A small colony will be established on Mars in our lifetime. [00:16:41] Now let's get a couple things straight here. [00:16:45] How long are we living? [00:16:48] I'm 40. I'm 34. Were you going to put us to 80? [00:16:53] 90? [00:16:54] If we're lucky. [00:16:55] I don't know. [00:16:56] Or they might come up with some seed oils. [00:16:58] Right. [00:16:59] And we could go 120. Well, Silicon Valley wants us to live to 500. I don't really want to live to 500. So you're talking 60 years is a stretch. [00:17:10] That's like the craziest stretch. [00:17:11] So let's say 50. Yes. [00:17:12] Max. [00:17:14] Colony on Mars in 50 years. [00:17:15] What is a colony? [00:17:17] What is a woman? [00:17:19] Matt? [00:17:20] I don't know. [00:17:20] I would say... [00:17:24] How many people, does that have to be like the Mayflower? [00:17:26] It has to be Mayflower. [00:17:28] The Mayflower equivalent, the Christopher Columbus equivalent, led by Elon Musk. [00:17:32] Imagine Elon Musk, then in 1492, with that 600 years, then he gets canceled, like Christopher Columbus. [00:17:39] And then they discover that he's secretly a Converso Jew. [00:17:43] Ah, secretly. [00:17:45] Did you hear that about Columbus? [00:17:46] Yeah, I don't know if I believe it. [00:17:46] After all this time. [00:17:47] Yeah, that's what they say. [00:17:48] Okay, a colony on Mars will be established in our lifetime. [00:17:50] Yes. [00:17:55] I say no. [00:17:56] No way. [00:17:58] No way. [00:17:59] That's all fake. [00:18:00] Yeah. [00:18:00] Because there's no such thing as outer space. [00:18:02] Wow. [00:18:04] What is up there? [00:18:05] You can go for it. [00:18:06] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:18:07] No, I believe in outer space. [00:18:11] I believe in the spherical... [00:18:12] Okay, I've heard a lot of conspiracies. [00:18:14] I didn't know that was one of them. [00:18:15] You know, the flat Earth and the celestial... [00:18:18] And they just made it. [00:18:19] Crystal domes. [00:18:20] Okay, nobody's been up there. [00:18:21] Yeah. [00:18:21] But I believe in outer space. [00:18:23] Yeah. [00:18:23] And I believe that Mars exists. [00:18:25] But we're not going. [00:18:28] We're not going. [00:18:28] We're not going. [00:18:29] Listen, my roommate who goes, dude, he heard about Elon going to Mars. [00:18:36] And he goes, they're looking for people. [00:18:39] And he goes, I'm going to apply. [00:18:41] I go, dude, what contribution... [00:18:46] You've made no contributions to Earth, my guy. [00:18:50] Dude, we're sitting here at 2.30 in the afternoon, you've got Dorito dust on your fingers, saying you can't cook, you can't harvest, you can't fix anything. [00:19:01] Can he fly nuclear-powered jet craft? [00:19:05] He's on Southwest. [00:19:07] Sea boarding group. [00:19:08] Where are you going, dude? [00:19:11] You've got a long way to go before you contribute to Mars. [00:19:14] If people want to go to Mars, just say, again, just forgive your dad, number one, or just say you want to end your life. [00:19:25] And then we'll give you some antidepressants. [00:19:27] It would be a suicide trip. [00:19:28] What are you doing? [00:19:29] Also, Earth is nice. [00:19:31] Earth is... [00:19:32] Have you seen any of the photos of Mars? [00:19:35] Have you seen any of the moon? [00:19:36] Yeah. [00:19:37] Why do we... [00:19:37] Who would want to go there? [00:19:39] Earth is beautiful and wet and verdant. [00:19:42] And you can put a seed in the ground and food comes out of it. [00:19:46] And then you can harvest it, squeeze the oil out of the sea. [00:19:49] Tell us anywhere in the universe where that exists and we'll... [00:19:52] Yeah. [00:19:53] It's total... [00:19:53] The Mars thing is fake news. [00:19:55] You likely are not going to heaven. [00:19:59] Unless you physically break the surface of the water when you're baptized. [00:20:03] Hold on, hold on. [00:20:05] This was clearly written by my evangelical Protestant producer. [00:20:09] But that's about something of mine. [00:20:11] But I also... [00:20:12] Read it again. [00:20:13] You likely aren't going to heaven unless you physically break the surface of the water when you're baptized. [00:20:18] Now, if you think of the more traditional high-liturgy baptisms, if the priest pours the water on your head, is that breaking the surface of the water? [00:20:30] No. [00:20:31] We're talking about full immersion. [00:20:33] Full immersion, which would be Baptist. [00:20:35] What tradition did you grow up? [00:20:37] Catholic. [00:20:38] Catholic. [00:20:38] Mackerel, snap, and papers. [00:20:40] Oh, so not even Christian. [00:20:41] No, I didn't mean that. [00:20:43] It's a sect of Islam, actually. [00:20:45] What kind of Catholic? [00:20:46] In New York? [00:20:47] Yeah, well, I grew up cradle Catholic, but I became an atheist at 13. And then I was brought back, the short version of it is, I was brought back by Ben. [00:20:58] They have very cool hats in that new form of Catholicism. [00:21:01] No wonder he gave you the watch. [00:21:03] Welcome back. [00:21:04] Welcome to heaven. [00:21:05] I was brought back in by a lapsed Catholic who became a megachurch evangelical Protestant in France who then reverted to Catholicism, introducing me to the arguments made by a Calvinist analytic philosopher at a Catholic university, followed by C.S. Lewis, kind of a Protestant, into Chesterton, was a Protestant when he wrote Orthodoxy, became a Catholic, Back to the Catholic Church. [00:21:28] And that's how you got here. [00:21:30] It was dizzying. [00:21:31] Wow. [00:21:32] Yeah. [00:21:32] That's nice. [00:21:34] Religious trans. [00:21:35] You don't know which one you are. [00:21:37] You're always going back and forth. [00:21:38] Who are you? [00:21:39] At the end of our travels, we arrive where we start. [00:21:42] I think after COVID, I did this series called First Time Visitor. [00:21:50] I just went to every church. [00:21:52] I went to all of them. [00:21:53] I went to just C. I went to cowboy churches. [00:21:57] I went to Pentecost dancing churches, black churches. [00:21:59] I went to all of them. [00:22:01] I go, I want to see which one. [00:22:03] And everybody does baptism different. [00:22:05] Yes. [00:22:06] Now, Z, you're guessing me? [00:22:08] You've got to guess me, I guess. [00:22:10] And read it again. [00:22:11] You likely are not going to heaven unless you physically break the surface of the water when you're baptized. [00:22:17] Okay, but that's a confusing question. [00:22:19] It's very good. [00:22:20] You're likely. [00:22:21] If you... [00:22:22] No. [00:22:24] Meaning? [00:22:25] Well, and it's kind of a double negative. [00:22:27] No, you are... [00:22:28] You're likely not... [00:22:29] I disagree with that being saying you're... [00:22:31] You're saying yes. [00:22:33] Yeah. [00:22:34] No, you are not less likely to go to heaven unless... [00:22:38] Okay. [00:22:39] Correct. [00:22:40] I don't... [00:22:41] Full emotion versus pouring over doesn't matter. [00:22:44] However... [00:22:47] Our Lord tells us you have to be baptized. [00:22:49] He does. [00:22:49] Some people today, they minimize the sacraments and even baptism. [00:22:53] Yep. [00:22:54] And that's what you guys got up. [00:22:55] You guys got up. [00:22:56] Stranglehold on the sacraments. [00:22:57] Pretty robust on the sacraments. [00:22:58] You're a big sacrament energy. [00:23:01] You're big sacraments over there. [00:23:03] In modernity, we say that all the physical world... [00:23:04] What's modernity? [00:23:06] It's women in it. [00:23:08] The modern world. [00:23:09] Oh, modern. [00:23:10] We tend to believe that physical things don't matter. [00:23:16] We're iconoclasts. [00:23:17] We now say the body doesn't matter. [00:23:18] You can be a woman or whatever. [00:23:20] Great point. [00:23:22] I think you have to be baptized. [00:23:25] Yeah. [00:23:26] But we could do it. [00:23:27] Probably not with this. [00:23:28] But I could backtize you with this. [00:23:30] Because you were like, is it full immersion? [00:23:33] In the baby, you were dunked. [00:23:34] I don't know how vigorous they were with me. [00:23:37] But at least a little pouring on the head. [00:23:40] Well, because, you know, they go, well, we don't, like, in Catholicism, the grape juice or the wine becomes the blood. [00:23:48] Yes. [00:23:49] Yes. [00:23:49] And the host becomes the blood. [00:23:50] Yes. [00:23:51] And I don't, like, I used to talk about how, I don't, like, I still have, the God of the Old Testament, I, like, I still... [00:24:02] He's still around. [00:24:04] Yeah, yeah. [00:24:04] And, like, I know the judgment, he's gonna, like, all that, but, like... [00:24:07] He's the same guy. [00:24:08] But, like, when the rappers, like, wear the cross necklaces, I go, I'd be careful with that. [00:24:13] Yeah. [00:24:14] I don't, like... [00:24:16] I wouldn't take it lightly. [00:24:17] Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. [00:24:19] I wouldn't take it lightly. [00:24:19] I go, you're, like, you see, like, you know, when Lil Nas X wore that, like, the Jesus on the... [00:24:25] And I go, and the Jesus blood in the shoes, I go... [00:24:30] You don't see the miracles of the Bible and the God's power and the cloud of smoke and the pillar. [00:24:36] You don't see that, but I go, I would be careful with that. [00:24:41] Yes. [00:24:41] I don't know. [00:24:42] Does that make sense? [00:24:43] It does. [00:24:43] It makes a lot of sense. [00:24:44] Because there is actually a verse. [00:24:46] In your Bible or mine? [00:24:49] In the correct Bible. [00:24:51] The only laugh. [00:24:53] You know... [00:24:55] God is not mocked. [00:24:57] Yes. [00:24:57] So, like, when these guys... [00:24:59] Look, I think if a rapper is kind of interested in the symbols of Christianity, it kind of leads him. [00:25:06] Okay, good. [00:25:07] But if you're going to be like Lil Nas X, twerking... [00:25:11] Directly. [00:25:12] Yeah. [00:25:13] He did the thing on the devil, you remember that? [00:25:15] And I would... [00:25:17] Who am I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:25:18] I would caution against it. [00:25:19] Dude, I still say, oh my gosh, just in case. [00:25:21] Yes, I certainly, yeah. [00:25:22] I'm not saying, you're not catching me. [00:25:23] No. [00:25:24] Like, I feel like guys, like, I better have heard an SH on this. [00:25:28] Like, I'm a, hey. [00:25:30] In biotechnical. [00:25:31] Yeah, I'm still, like, people are looser with the rules. [00:25:36] You know, when I was growing up, and now, you know, now they're, You know, there's R-rated movies that kids are watching, or they're like, you know, they kind of don't respect authority anymore. [00:25:47] I go, y'all, like, you're not going to catch me on this. [00:25:50] That's fine. [00:25:51] I'll still take my hat off for a prayer. [00:25:53] Yeah, as you should. [00:25:54] Yeah. [00:25:55] As you should. [00:25:56] Yeah. [00:25:56] You know what's coming back? [00:25:57] Women wearing veils in church. [00:25:58] Have you seen this? [00:25:59] Is it? [00:26:00] Yes. [00:26:00] There was a whole article about it. [00:26:02] Yeah. [00:26:02] So you know it's real. [00:26:03] Yeah, it has to be real. [00:26:04] I've noticed it. [00:26:04] It's all the young ladies. [00:26:05] Yeah. [00:26:05] Well, we need to get back a little bit to show a little respect. [00:26:10] Yeah. [00:26:10] I'll still wear it. [00:26:11] Now, if you... [00:26:13] The tricky thing is at meals. [00:26:17] So, I pray before meals. [00:26:19] But, you know, at a Mexican restaurant before chips... [00:26:24] Yeah, this is a big question. === Praying Before Bread (02:27) === [00:26:26] Yeah, see? [00:26:27] That should be the next question. [00:26:28] And especially, it's also, like, if you're sitting with people who are not believers, do you... [00:26:34] Like, what I prefer to do is scream the grace in their faces. [00:26:37] Yeah, so they get it. [00:26:39] I think that's only part. [00:26:40] Do you go before... [00:26:41] I mean, obviously, if they bring out bread... [00:26:44] You're not praying before bread. [00:26:45] You pray before the main course. [00:26:48] I think it is acceptable to pray before the main course. [00:26:50] What if you're only getting appetizers? [00:26:52] I pray before the bread, generally. [00:26:55] You do? [00:26:56] I will sometimes pray before eating like a jelly bean. [00:27:00] Call it a little scrupulous or something. [00:27:03] Yeah, but you get up there in the end and you go, well, glad I was safe. [00:27:06] Yeah, yeah. [00:27:07] You're like, yeah, but Michael, what about all those other sins? [00:27:08] Yeah, yeah. [00:27:09] You're like, oh, wow. [00:27:10] I thought, you noticed those? [00:27:11] Yeah. [00:27:11] You sure? [00:27:12] We had pebble ice. [00:27:13] Yeah, I know. [00:27:14] What about my slushie? [00:27:15] All right, my turn? [00:27:15] Mm-hmm. [00:27:17] Here we go. [00:27:19] Chick-fil-A has been on a slow yet steady decline since they stopped allowing employees to hand-make their lemonade. [00:27:26] Certainly. [00:27:28] You know, every city you go to, it seems like there's one popping up. [00:27:34] But I used to work there. [00:27:37] And I'm guessing this is a story where I was in charge of making the lemonade, and I got, you know, it's three things in there. [00:27:49] Water. [00:27:49] Lemon. [00:27:50] Sugar. [00:27:51] That's it. [00:27:51] That's it. [00:27:51] That's all you need. [00:27:52] Chick-fil-A, that's all you need. [00:27:53] And they pray for it. [00:27:54] Yeah, probably. [00:27:55] I'm sure they do, yeah. [00:27:56] Got the water. [00:27:57] And I was 15 years old, by the way. [00:27:59] Saturday afternoon, packed. [00:28:00] Got the water. [00:28:01] Got the lemonade. [00:28:02] There's three people waiting at the counter. [00:28:05] We need some... [00:28:06] Yeah. [00:28:06] Couldn't find this third. [00:28:08] Nowhere to be seen. [00:28:09] I'm a new employee. [00:28:10] This is my... [00:28:11] I go... [00:28:13] Let's go. [00:28:14] Yeah, yeah, why not? [00:28:14] Five gallons. [00:28:15] Yeah, yeah. [00:28:16] You can't just... [00:28:17] Your forearm's clean. [00:28:18] Yeah, dude, I got it in there. [00:28:19] I got it mixed all up and I went and said... [00:28:21] Did you have a glove on or anything? [00:28:24] No. [00:28:24] No. [00:28:25] Nah, short-sleeved. [00:28:26] Short-sleeved. [00:28:27] Okay, all right, yeah. [00:28:29] Wow. [00:28:29] You've got a phrase for everything, but you weren't going to say raw dog. [00:28:31] I wasn't on this show. [00:28:32] I respect that. [00:28:33] We're trying to be a family program. [00:28:35] I don't think that's... [00:28:36] Now they use that phrase if you just fly on an airplane but don't watch a movie. === A Woman Will Be President (03:48) === [00:28:40] Yeah. [00:28:40] Raw dog in a flight. [00:28:42] Have you done it? [00:28:43] No, that's crazy. [00:28:46] I once heard, I'm not going to say who it was, that a very serious presidential candidate and governor of Florida, but I'm not going to say who, that he does that. [00:28:54] Is it related to me? [00:28:55] Yeah. [00:28:56] He might be. [00:28:57] Is that who we're talking about? [00:28:57] Yeah. [00:28:58] No. [00:28:58] Same last name as me? [00:29:00] No. [00:29:00] No, no, not that one. [00:29:01] Okay, all right. [00:29:04] No, that guy. [00:29:05] That guy is so decadent. [00:29:06] He'd probably be eating like... [00:29:08] That's what people think I'm related to. [00:29:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:29:10] He's old. [00:29:10] Charlie Chris. [00:29:11] Yeah. [00:29:12] I would never think so low of you. [00:29:13] Oh, yeah. [00:29:14] No way. [00:29:16] No, you're on a steady decline. [00:29:18] No, it's your turn. [00:29:19] Is it my turn? [00:29:19] Yeah. [00:29:20] Okay. [00:29:22] A woman will be the president of the United States in our lifetime. [00:29:31] A woman will be president in our lifetime. [00:29:37] And we're saying this before Mars, I guess. [00:29:40] - Yeah. - You think. - Mr. Davies, could you please give me another point? [00:29:55] No, I don't think so. [00:29:57] I agree. [00:29:59] But I thought you would say yes. [00:30:02] The country is becoming decadent and ridiculous and all the rest of it. [00:30:05] However... [00:30:08] I was talking to a female friend of mine. [00:30:12] Breaking news. [00:30:13] I was. [00:30:14] She says, you know, Michael, I know it's politically incorrect. [00:30:18] I don't think you can do an accent. [00:30:20] She's from Mexico. [00:30:22] Well, Michael, I don't know it's politically correct, but I don't want a woman to be president. [00:30:29] She said this to me. [00:30:31] And I think... [00:30:32] Many people, including many women, have that prejudice. [00:30:38] I think 2016 to 2024, you compare those two elections, Trump won men by one more point. [00:30:47] He won women. [00:30:51] Kamala lost support among women by seven points. [00:30:55] Really? [00:30:56] They're not voting for the lady. [00:30:58] Look, you can say that's good or bad. [00:31:00] I'm just saying that's... [00:31:01] Talk to them. [00:31:01] Talk to them. [00:31:02] Talk to the ladies. [00:31:03] So you think it won't happen? [00:31:04] I don't think, not yet. [00:31:06] It could have at some point. [00:31:07] Wouldn't you have thought that, not in terms of those candidates, but in 2016, 2024, this culturally would have been the time? [00:31:19] Except you've got to remember, there's a gap between the elites who want to castrate your children and ordinary people. [00:31:26] And ordinary people are not that progressive, actually. [00:31:31] They don't... [00:31:32] Turns out they look at their paycheck and go, what's this being taken out of here? [00:31:35] They didn't really quite... [00:31:37] Think about the women, too. [00:31:38] First of all, if Dragon Lady Hillary couldn't wrest that power from the men, I don't know that any other woman would. [00:31:44] And the women who strive to be president, I don't think they're the most popular women, among men or women. [00:31:53] Interesting take. [00:31:55] Yeah. [00:31:55] They're not the ones that you want to hang with. [00:31:58] No. [00:31:58] Queen Elizabeth? [00:31:59] Sure, I'd make her Queen of America or whatever. [00:32:02] I think I'm good? [00:32:03] Yeah. [00:32:03] You want her on the show? [00:32:05] I think I'm good. [00:32:06] Can someone get her? [00:32:06] Yeah. [00:32:07] Queen Elizabeth? [00:32:07] Yeah. [00:32:08] But it's an interesting point. [00:32:10] Who would you pick? === Psychology And The Internet (07:21) === [00:32:14] Yeah, not that we've seen. [00:32:16] Well, luckily, there won't be any more presidential elections now that Trump is back in. [00:32:19] Okay, yeah, yeah. [00:32:20] It'll go to Barron, Octavian, Caesar. [00:32:21] And then we're going to get, somebody's going to dig this up in 40 years. [00:32:25] We told you! [00:32:26] Yeah. [00:32:27] Yeah. [00:32:28] Or the mayor might not even have genders. [00:32:31] That's true. [00:32:31] Yeah, they're going to hear them. [00:32:32] Think about it this way, though. [00:32:33] If they dig this up in 40 years, and we're now several decades into Emperor Baron Octavian's reign, then we're going to look like geniuses. [00:32:41] Yeah, we're going to look like geniuses. [00:32:43] That's what I tell myself every day. [00:32:44] Just like our parents are like, dude, we've got to shoot this 8-track tape. [00:32:48] We're going to be like, okay, so there's this website called YouTube. [00:32:53] And they're like, what was it? [00:32:55] I was like, okay, so you could just... [00:32:59] Upload. [00:32:59] Anything. [00:33:00] First of all, you had to find internet. [00:33:01] So internet wasn't everywhere? [00:33:03] No. [00:33:04] So there was this thing called the internet. [00:33:06] And it was mostly... [00:33:08] But there were sometimes card games that you could watch. [00:33:12] And there was the AOL. And then there was this website called YouTube. [00:33:16] And anybody could put whatever they want on it? [00:33:18] Yeah. [00:33:19] But they couldn't just think it in AI and it would go up there. [00:33:22] They could do anything they wanted. [00:33:23] But it was mostly cat videos. [00:33:25] Yes. [00:33:25] They had to film it and then go and then press upload. [00:33:29] And it would take, like, sometimes it would take an hour. [00:33:32] They're like, what? [00:33:33] Yeah. [00:33:34] They're just talking to us in, like, the glass jars that we're preserved in, plugged into the matrix. [00:33:39] We're still feeling good, though. [00:33:41] Australia finally did something right when they banned social media for kids under 16. Australia finally did something right when they banned social media for kids under 16. Easy. [00:33:55] Easy. [00:33:55] That's not easy. [00:33:56] 100%. [00:33:56] That was a weak question. [00:33:58] That's a fine point for me, but that's a weak question. [00:34:01] Who disagrees with that? [00:34:02] Yeah. [00:34:03] They are a penal colony that they do all sorts of terrible things. [00:34:08] Yeah. [00:34:08] We'll overlook that. [00:34:09] That's a no-brainer. [00:34:10] Yeah. [00:34:11] Yeah. [00:34:12] We should, if anything, it should be like... [00:34:15] Just a blanket. [00:34:16] You don't have it. [00:34:17] No phones. [00:34:18] We didn't know about it. [00:34:20] You don't have anything. [00:34:21] It can't be out here on the internet. [00:34:24] You can't buy a cigarette. [00:34:26] You can't vote. [00:34:27] What else can't you do? [00:34:28] Get a tattoo? [00:34:29] I think giving your kid access to the internet, other than in the most circumscribed way, where you're just over their shoulder while you're doing homework or whatever, I think it's child abuse. [00:34:39] Wow. [00:34:40] Because they're just going to either... [00:34:44] Most likely, they're just going to look at porn. [00:34:47] Less likely... [00:34:47] They're going to find it. [00:34:48] They're going to find it. [00:34:49] They're going to... [00:34:50] But let's say they don't even get into the porn. [00:34:52] They're going to be on social media. [00:34:54] They're going to get all these kind of weird body issues. [00:34:56] And they're going to talk to weirdos. [00:34:57] And it's just... [00:34:59] There's no good to come from that. [00:35:01] You could argue, we shouldn't have it. [00:35:03] Yeah, true. [00:35:04] You're right. [00:35:05] And we're adults. [00:35:06] Why are we doing this show? [00:35:07] I mean, that's insane. [00:35:09] We shouldn't have this show. [00:35:09] Yeah, yeah. [00:35:10] That's an interesting point. [00:35:11] Yeah, I don't think... [00:35:14] When did you start? [00:35:16] I remember getting my first computer, and I remember getting the internet. [00:35:21] I was like six when we got the internet, dial-up. [00:35:24] And then I had a MySpace. [00:35:26] My user handle was something to the effect of Italian Stallion or something. [00:35:30] We're going to find it. [00:35:31] We're going to look it up. [00:35:32] Italian Stallion. [00:35:33] And then I had Facebook pretty quickly. [00:35:38] That's like 2000 what? [00:35:41] Five-ish, six. [00:35:42] When you had to have a college. [00:35:43] Yeah, it was like they did and they brought it to high schools. [00:35:47] But the idea that I remember being up with AOL. I think what they're talking about in social media is like... [00:35:56] We should not be conversing with criminals. [00:36:00] Your kids... [00:36:02] You're talking about the internet. [00:36:03] I think a kid could go on with some control YouTube. [00:36:07] Yeah, maybe. [00:36:08] Or maybe go... [00:36:10] With the parent watching. [00:36:12] Maybe the Michael Knowles show. [00:36:14] Exclusively. [00:36:15] Anything from Daily Wire. [00:36:17] I remember somebody messaging me on Instant Messenger. [00:36:22] I was like... [00:36:25] What is going on? [00:36:26] It was like a woman, and I was like, wait. [00:36:28] It was not a woman, by the way. [00:36:31] I've been chasing that high ever since. [00:36:36] Talk to Matt. [00:36:37] Matt said it was not a woman. [00:36:38] What is a woman? [00:36:39] It wasn't who you were talking about. [00:36:40] Certainly not, for sure. [00:36:42] Many prescribed psychotropic drugs actually work by dampening the user's ability to sense spiritual realities. [00:36:52] How would I answer that? [00:36:56] Yes, only inclusively, though. [00:36:57] Because they actually work by dampening your sense of everything. [00:37:01] A lot of things. [00:37:01] You just become insensitive. [00:37:03] But part of that is... [00:37:06] Grappling with spiritual reality. [00:37:07] So I'm not saying it dampens your ability to see demons or something. [00:37:09] It just deadens your perception of everything. [00:37:12] Who cares about what people say about me on Twitter? [00:37:17] I now care about nothing. [00:37:19] I care about nothing. [00:37:20] I've never been happier. [00:37:21] I can't feel anything. [00:37:24] One in five women are on those drugs. [00:37:27] Really? [00:37:27] Yes. [00:37:28] One in five women. [00:37:29] What is included in them? [00:37:31] You know, like all the antidepressants. [00:37:33] Oh, yeah. [00:37:33] No, no, I'm not saying like LSD or something. [00:37:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:37:36] But like the antidepressants, all the heavy psych drugs. [00:37:39] Psychotropic drugs. [00:37:39] Yeah, yeah. [00:37:40] That's antidepressant. [00:37:41] Yeah, yeah. [00:37:42] You said psychedelic. [00:37:43] I want to go back to the tape. [00:37:45] I believe I said psychotropic. [00:37:47] The psychedelic drugs, I don't know, in some cases I wonder if they actually open one up to spiritual realities that maybe you shouldn't be open to. [00:37:57] Alright, so the antidepressants is what you're talking about. [00:38:00] And then you're just kind of, like your sex drive is limited, and you're just kind of... [00:38:06] Every feeling. [00:38:08] It's just a little dim. [00:38:09] But you're not going to kill yourself. [00:38:11] Yes. [00:38:11] Except the side effect of these drugs. [00:38:14] Unfortunately. [00:38:16] Again, it could come back to picking up the phone, calling your dad. [00:38:21] In that case, it legitimately does. [00:38:24] And even, I was talking to my wife about this. [00:38:27] I'm not knocking all of psychiatry and psychology. [00:38:30] Gosh, dude, that's so crazy. [00:38:31] The conversation I was having with my wife was, It's not that all psychology is... [00:38:36] There's something to psychology. [00:38:38] It's just because in modern atheist life, we got rid of confession. [00:38:43] You no longer confess your sins to a minister of God. [00:38:47] So you just talk to some guy. [00:38:49] And you're like, you know, my dad, he didn't hug me enough. [00:38:53] And then they're like, great, here are some drugs. [00:38:55] It's just a... [00:39:02] I'm not Catholic, but I've long since said that the Catholic Church does have that figured out. [00:39:08] Unfortunately, you've got to talk to a minister, and you might know him from week to week. [00:39:12] I don't know how it actually works out. [00:39:13] You can throw your voice if you have a radio show. [00:39:15] Yeah. [00:39:15] I've heard it. [00:39:17] But in when that... === Practicing Homosexuality Openly (15:54) === [00:39:19] Is it called a sacrament? [00:39:20] What's it called? [00:39:21] A confession is a sacrament. [00:39:24] I've been in counseling or they're just like, hey, just write it down and burn it. [00:39:30] Meaning what? [00:39:31] Get it out of here. [00:39:33] And then you usually find that you tell a buddy and he goes, oh yeah. [00:39:38] Maybe he doesn't say same, but he goes... [00:39:41] Oh, yeah, I knew. [00:39:42] And you go, what? [00:39:43] So this isn't... [00:39:44] It's not just me? [00:39:45] Yeah, and then you can go down the process. [00:39:47] If you can't tell somebody, there's things you can do before that. [00:39:50] And then you tell somebody. [00:39:51] And now, if you've been in the practice of it, there's no shame in it. [00:39:55] That's the other thing. [00:39:56] And that may be what the depression was, was the... [00:39:59] Yes. [00:40:00] Yeah, because that's what... [00:40:01] We should start something. [00:40:03] We should start up. [00:40:04] I was going to say cult. [00:40:07] Finally. [00:40:08] This is where all of this ends, I think. [00:40:11] You know, with... [00:40:13] I've said it before, and I'm not the first to observe it. [00:40:16] The devil always tells you, right when you're about to sin, he's like, oh, just sin. [00:40:19] It's no big deal. [00:40:19] And then the minute you sin, he's like, ha-ha! [00:40:21] You'll never be forgiven. [00:40:23] But it's truly, if you just... [00:40:26] At a psychological level, if you just say it... [00:40:28] No, you're not wrong. [00:40:31] And then you go, hey, I have lied, cheated, stolen. [00:40:37] Should I verbalize those things? [00:40:41] No. [00:40:42] Take this. [00:40:44] Really? [00:40:44] And I'm saying this to myself. [00:40:46] Sorry, I'm saying this to you. [00:40:48] That you go, we're the same. [00:40:50] That you go, hey, if... [00:40:52] I was at the Taylor Swift concert. [00:40:55] I went down in New Orleans, and it was great. [00:40:59] And everybody in there was somehow the victim... [00:41:04] Or that they're struggling, or some guy, this and that. [00:41:07] And I'm sitting in a seat that's $3,000. [00:41:13] You got the cheap seat. [00:41:14] Yeah, and I'll go, hey, pause the show really quick. [00:41:16] Pause the show. [00:41:17] Everybody here, I know you're all crying about, hey, you're doing great. [00:41:22] You're doing great. [00:41:24] You're doing great. [00:41:25] Just a quick celebration. [00:41:27] You're doing very well. [00:41:29] Very, very well. [00:41:31] Let's just keep that in mind before we're all... [00:41:33] A little perspective here. [00:41:35] Let me just... [00:41:35] And that's oftentimes when somebody goes, you know, they get out of, off the internet, go to... [00:41:39] My buddy right now is in Africa, and he goes, dude, I have no problems compared to... [00:41:46] Yeah, like I heard in Africa, some of the latte machines don't even froth the milk properly. [00:41:52] Unbelievable. [00:41:52] Can you imagine? [00:41:53] What are we doing here? [00:41:53] I know, I know. [00:41:55] No, this is wild. [00:41:56] It would be more difficult to be a practicing Christian at Yale University than a practicing homosexual at Sanford University, where I graduated from. [00:42:05] Hold on. [00:42:06] Let me read that again with a straight face. [00:42:08] Sorry. [00:42:08] Hold on. [00:42:09] My producer also went to Sanford and is very much a practicing homosexual. [00:42:14] So... [00:42:15] Can you read it just so I have it? [00:42:17] He's like, I'm not saying for me. [00:42:20] It would be more difficult to be a practicing Christian at Yale University than a practicing homosexual at Samford University, which is a Baptist college in Alabama. [00:42:33] And before we get into this, I feel like you or me need to say what practicing is. [00:42:43] What are you practicing? [00:42:45] You would have to say who has a robust religious life. [00:42:50] Not just praying in your own head, but actually doing the things that attain to religion. [00:42:55] So you're not having alcohol in your dorm. [00:42:58] If you're Catholic, you know, it's actually required. [00:43:00] It depends on what, yeah. [00:43:02] You're going to church. [00:43:03] Going to church. [00:43:04] You've got a Bible. [00:43:05] You're carrying a Bible with you. [00:43:07] You're praying in the cafeteria, praying before meals. [00:43:09] Yeah, that kind of thing. [00:43:10] And what is a practice? [00:43:10] You're not, you're trying not to sin, you're, you know... [00:43:13] Yeah, mostly that. [00:43:15] I was just doing, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:43:16] Trying to follow the book. [00:43:17] And what is a practicing homosexual doing? [00:43:19] Well, I don't... [00:43:20] Do I have a chalkboard or anything? [00:43:22] I can... [00:43:23] I think... [00:43:24] I'm not an expert, believe it or not, even though I went to Yale. [00:43:26] But... [00:43:28] Oh, you did? [00:43:28] I did. [00:43:30] But I was an atheist, so I wasn't really a practitioner. [00:43:33] They should have been practicing atheists. [00:43:36] That's a pretty easy idea, actually. [00:43:40] It would be more difficult to be a practicing Christian at Yale than a practicing homosexual at Sanford. [00:43:44] No. [00:43:45] No. [00:43:45] And here's why. [00:43:46] Well, you tell me your answer. [00:43:48] Did I get it right? [00:43:49] I think it's harder to be a practicing homosexual. [00:43:52] Yes. [00:43:52] Yes, yes, yes. [00:43:53] Even though at Yale it's required to be a practicing homosexual, some people still avoid it. [00:43:58] The reason is that if you're a Christian, you have the benefit of grace. [00:44:03] And grace strengthens you in the virtue and all the rest. [00:44:05] Whereas at Sanford, I imagine they're pretty... [00:44:10] Pretty strict on the weird stuff. [00:44:12] Yeah, and you might get away with having a rainbow koozie. [00:44:17] But that's about as far as that. [00:44:19] Is that a euphemism? [00:44:21] I hope not. [00:44:23] The old rainbow koozie. [00:44:25] Back when my uncle was in Vietnam, he had a few rainbow koozies. [00:44:31] The real reason excavation of Gobleki Tepe was stopped after 5% completion is because it's connected to Noah's Ark constructed post-flood. [00:44:43] What do you mean, constructed post-flood? [00:44:46] I have no idea what he meant by that, so I'm going to leave off. [00:44:49] What do you mean, constructed? [00:44:51] Oh, Noah's Ark. [00:44:52] Let's just say Noah's Ark. [00:44:52] Let's just say Noah's Ark and pretend that this was written in a coherent way. [00:44:56] No. [00:44:56] The answer is no, because Noah's Ark is in... [00:44:58] Turkey. [00:44:59] In Kentucky, I thought. [00:45:01] Oh, yeah, I messed up your joke. [00:45:03] Wasn't it constructed? [00:45:04] Yeah. [00:45:04] That's the real one. [00:45:05] But Gobekli Tepe is... [00:45:07] I thought that was in Turkey. [00:45:08] Is that not? [00:45:08] It is. [00:45:09] I think it is. [00:45:09] It is. [00:45:10] So then would you answer? [00:45:12] I don't think it's connected to Noah's Ark. [00:45:14] I don't think that's why it was stopped, at least. [00:45:16] Do you think that is why? [00:45:18] I do not. [00:45:20] There's always those documentaries. [00:45:22] They were like, look at this board from a satellite. [00:45:26] It looks like... [00:45:27] And I go back to the miracles of the Bible. [00:45:34] Mm-hmm. [00:45:35] Many people witnessed. [00:45:37] You walked across the Red Sea, got to the other side, and you go, nah, I don't think it's real. [00:45:43] They started complaining as soon as they got there. [00:45:45] You know, the people witnessed every... [00:45:47] You saw the holes in Jesus' hands, and you go, I don't think so. [00:45:51] Five seconds later, you're saying... [00:45:53] You go, mmm... [00:45:54] And the unbelievable miracles of the New Testament, they witnessed them in person, and they still go... [00:46:02] So, I've long since said, if you're looking for, if we found that thing, it would solidify it for me. [00:46:10] It would not. [00:46:11] They do this. [00:46:12] It would not. [00:46:13] There was a headline just the other day about this, what Jesus really looked like. [00:46:17] And whenever you see past tense, you're dealing with a big lib atheist, a non-believer. [00:46:23] But what do they always do? [00:46:25] So, I think we have pretty good images. [00:46:27] I think we have a good idea of what our lord looks like. [00:46:29] Because we have the Shroud of Turin, which strikes me as miraculous. [00:46:33] But we have pretty consistent depictions of our lord throughout history going back to antiquity. [00:46:39] And they all roughly look the same. [00:46:41] And then the libs always basically concoct a picture of a monkey on On AI or something. [00:46:47] And you say, why do you think that's what our Lord looks like? [00:46:50] And they say, well, because he was a Palestinian. [00:46:53] We found a random skull in the ground. [00:46:57] I don't know. [00:46:58] There are 15 people in this room. [00:47:00] We all look the same. [00:47:01] You're going to find our skulls. [00:47:01] So they always do this. [00:47:03] And what conclusions are you going to draw from it? [00:47:05] That we found the skull. [00:47:06] Also, whenever they reconstruct it, they always make him look like an orangutan. [00:47:12] It's so obviously... [00:47:14] And he looks like Mel Gibson. [00:47:18] Or Jim Caviezel. [00:47:19] Yeah, Jim Caviezel. [00:47:21] Wallace was the one who looked like Mel Gibson. [00:47:24] I mean, there's people that saw pulling the coin out of the donkey's mouth. [00:47:29] And then they go, I don't believe it. [00:47:30] Right. [00:47:31] It happens in people's lives. [00:47:33] People experience miracles. [00:47:34] And then five seconds later they say, oh, well, never mind. [00:47:37] Including me and you, by the way. [00:47:38] Yes, that's right. [00:47:39] Five seconds later you're just like, so where can I sin again? [00:47:41] Can I go sin again? [00:47:42] Yeah, they were like, God's not healing anybody that can't walk anymore. [00:47:47] Yeah, because doctors do that a thousand times a day. [00:47:50] And also, sometimes people miraculously heal. [00:47:52] And that's a miracle. [00:47:53] Yeah, that you're like, dude, that people... [00:47:55] Real talk, and it's funny that I've been sober for five years. [00:48:02] I've been sober for five seconds. [00:48:03] It is a... [00:48:06] Yes. [00:48:07] It is. [00:48:08] Nobody can tell me that that's not a miracle. [00:48:10] I didn't realize this until I have buddies who are recovering addicts and alcoholics and stuff. [00:48:16] And I always used to think when they'd say in AA or whatever, you know, you can't do this without a higher power. [00:48:21] I was an atheist. [00:48:21] I was like, yes, it's just you. [00:48:22] Take some credit for yourself, whatever. [00:48:24] And then when I matured and actually spoke to people who have been through this and actually experienced my own, I don't know, attempts at growth and virtue and experience of grace, you realize, yeah, no, you You couldn't. [00:48:36] You would be a drop-down drunk without God's grace. [00:48:39] Let alone, without just, hey, no, like I said, social media, just let anything run its course. [00:48:46] Yes. [00:48:47] It leads, you will die. [00:48:48] Yes. [00:48:48] And I'm pretty sure there's a verse about that. [00:48:50] I think so. [00:48:50] Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a couple verses about that. [00:48:52] All right, here we go. [00:48:55] When you think about it, most of Trey Kennedy's bits are basically the white woman version of blackface. [00:49:02] Wow. [00:49:02] Wait, hold on, hold on. [00:49:04] Whoa, wow. [00:49:05] Read that again. [00:49:05] When you think about it, most of Trey Kennedy's jokes are basically the white woman version of blackface. [00:49:14] Who's guessing? [00:49:15] You are. [00:49:16] I'm guessing your answer. [00:49:17] Yeah. [00:49:19] No. [00:49:20] No? [00:49:20] What are you talking about? [00:49:21] Really? [00:49:22] Do you think so? [00:49:22] Yeah. [00:49:23] No. [00:49:24] Yeah, absolutely. [00:49:25] You think it's appropriation? [00:49:27] I don't see it as necessarily a problem for a comedian to make jokes. [00:49:32] I'm not making any specific claims about it. [00:49:34] But as a general rule, I support comedians making jokes. [00:49:38] Yeah, same. [00:49:38] So do I. So even if that were the description, I'm not necessarily... [00:49:41] Well, you just got to think about what... [00:49:43] And I do it the same. [00:49:46] Is that who's consuming? [00:49:50] Who's consuming the product? [00:49:51] White women. [00:49:52] So they've clearly signed off on it. [00:49:55] Same with me. [00:49:56] All the jokes I make about Christianity, they've clearly signed off on it. [00:49:59] They're the ones at the show. [00:50:01] But I will say, how far do you go if you were impersonating a woman? [00:50:08] You'd be like, oh my god, girl, yes. [00:50:10] You'd do that. [00:50:11] Some people would go, I'll wear a wig. [00:50:14] Some people go, I'll wear a wig, I'll wear a dress. [00:50:18] Some people say, I'll have the surgery. [00:50:19] Some people go, I'll wig, I'll wear the dress, I'll stuff my bra. [00:50:23] Where do you draw the line? [00:50:26] Well, to me it seems to depend on the propriety of the joke. [00:50:30] One time I was driving, there was some blackface non-traversy that was going on. [00:50:35] Non-traversy? [00:50:35] Did you make that up? [00:50:36] I will take credit for it. [00:50:37] I like that. [00:50:38] Can I use that? [00:50:38] I'm going to say it from you. [00:50:41] Non-traversy. [00:50:42] That's a non-traversy. [00:50:43] I like that. [00:50:43] So I get in an Uber in LA, and my driver's a black guy. [00:50:47] But I knew he was a conservative, because he was driving a Cadillac and had an American flag somewhere. [00:50:51] So we're driving around, and something about blackface came on the radio. [00:50:54] And I said, oh yeah, you saw that blackface scandal? [00:50:57] He goes, oh man, I don't... [00:50:59] I don't care. [00:51:00] If it's in good fun... [00:51:01] Ask them. [00:51:03] It's mostly angry white liberals who are making a big deal out of this. [00:51:09] To keep it going. [00:51:10] There's a kid dressed up as his favorite black football player. [00:51:17] He loves that player. [00:51:21] He's not doing it in malice. [00:51:25] When I dressed up as Malcolm X, Yeah, it's not in malice. [00:51:31] Yes, that's right. [00:51:33] How come X is a good one? [00:51:35] You know who I wouldn't dress up as? [00:51:39] Jesus. [00:51:40] I would not. [00:51:41] I know, okay. [00:51:42] But Jimmy Diesel did. [00:51:45] He's making a movie. [00:51:48] Because I've done a bunch of bits about the disciples and, you know, Bible characters. [00:51:53] And I... Jesus and Mary. [00:51:56] Yes. [00:51:56] I go... [00:51:57] Yes. [00:51:58] Both. [00:51:59] And everybody was human in the Bible. [00:52:00] So I imagine if... [00:52:02] My parents told me when I was going to get to heaven, I was going to meet them. [00:52:04] Yeah, yeah. [00:52:05] And I was going to meet, you know, Goliath. [00:52:07] Not right, Goliath, he's in hell. [00:52:08] Yeah, probably. [00:52:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:52:09] I was going to meet David or whoever, right? [00:52:12] Then you go, oh, I saw that bit you did about me and it was funny. [00:52:16] I go, I'm not... [00:52:17] Just like the cross necklace or the oh my gosh, I go... [00:52:21] No. [00:52:22] For some views? [00:52:24] Yeah. [00:52:25] I... No. [00:52:26] And I see it every now and then and I go, I just... [00:52:29] I don't think I'm doing... [00:52:31] I'm not doing a bit about our Lord or His mother. [00:52:35] No, no, no. [00:52:36] No, thanks. [00:52:36] Just, like, yeah, I see people from Halloween dressed up as Jesus or, you know, down on the beach. [00:52:43] I go... [00:52:46] Yeah. [00:52:47] I can't say you shouldn't do it, but I go... [00:52:50] Unless I'm acting in Persona Christi, I don't think so. [00:52:52] You're on your own on that one. [00:52:54] Gender reveals are a way for couples to signal that they should be avoided as friends at all costs, without question. [00:53:02] Well, is that fair? [00:53:04] I'll give you the point, because that was my gut reaction. [00:53:07] But they all do it now. [00:53:09] They all do it. [00:53:10] Including, look, some are murderers, some are... [00:53:14] But some, I assume, are good people. [00:53:15] And some are, I think, I assume good people. [00:53:18] But I don't like the gender reveal. [00:53:21] You know Trump is like the panel appointments? [00:53:25] Me and you, gender reveals. [00:53:29] Send it to us. [00:53:31] We'll give you the stamp of approval. [00:53:33] Because my sister-in-law had one, and we were down at the beach, and I knew the guy that had the helicopter. [00:53:39] I got him to fly over and put out the confetti or whatever, and it was great. [00:53:45] I did it for her. [00:53:46] But, yeah, if you're saying, hey, come to my house on Saturday afternoon, when the game's on, by the way, and we're going to sit in our backyard and we're going to fill out a Q&A. Forget about the Q&A. What do you think it's going to be? [00:53:59] What they do is they blow things up and then people die. [00:54:02] Oh, yeah, yeah. [00:54:03] Forest fires, forest fires. [00:54:05] Yeah, explosives. [00:54:06] Yeah, that's the problem. [00:54:08] I say, you know, go ahead and do it. [00:54:10] But just like... [00:54:14] Whatever gender, that kid better go on to be successful. [00:54:17] That kid better go on to be successful. [00:54:20] I told my wife, I had a buddy who, for his first or second kid, he went to the bakery, gave the test results, the bakery did a blue icing or something. [00:54:31] And I said, oh, that's kind of cute. [00:54:33] I told my wife I wanted to do that. [00:54:34] She goes, Absolutely not. [00:54:35] That's gauche and ridiculous. [00:54:36] I'm not doing that, Meg. [00:54:37] It's what ridiculous? [00:54:38] Gauche. [00:54:39] I don't know if she actually said gauche. [00:54:40] What is that? [00:54:41] It's the French word. [00:54:42] Oh, gauche and ridiculous. [00:54:43] Okay, got it. [00:54:44] Sure, sure, sure. [00:54:45] She said, absolutely not, Meg. [00:54:48] But I kind of like the idea of it. [00:54:51] I like celebrating things and whimsy, but I don't want to get my head blown off. === Why Kids Aren't Enjoying Their Birthday (06:02) === [00:54:59] In general, and this doesn't count because this is our job, is this for the internet? [00:55:08] This is for the internet. [00:55:09] No, is this gender reveal for the internet? [00:55:11] Oh, yes. [00:55:12] Is it for you? [00:55:14] Have you seen like a, I saw it the other day, like a kid's birthday party. [00:55:20] I was like, this kid hates this. [00:55:22] This kid is not enjoying this. [00:55:24] Like, it's for, you went over the top of the decor and then you're like, tag all these businesses that help. [00:55:30] I go, oh, this is for the internet. [00:55:32] That's awful. [00:55:32] This is for the internet. [00:55:33] I'll go a step further. [00:55:35] Not the kid. [00:55:35] No kids on social media. [00:55:37] Not accessing social media? [00:55:39] People should not post their kids to social media. [00:55:42] Until ever. [00:55:44] Until they're 25. They can decide. [00:55:47] I think about this. [00:55:49] Or using them for likes. [00:55:53] By the way, there's going to be some creep out there. [00:55:56] It's the internet. [00:55:58] Why do you want some stranger looking at your kids? [00:56:02] Everything came around. [00:56:07] When the radio came out, I'm sure they were like, this is... [00:56:10] You just can't have these influences coming into your house. [00:56:14] You don't know what they're going to say. [00:56:16] TV came out. [00:56:17] I can't believe you just have all these channels. [00:56:20] The internet came out. [00:56:22] Social media came out. [00:56:23] I think I do have great hope in the future that they will figure it out. [00:56:27] I can't believe... [00:56:30] Back in like 2020s that we were just letting everybody on it. [00:56:34] Post their five-year-olds on, you know, Instagram so that mommy can feel the adrenaline rush. [00:56:42] Her high school sweetheart commenting on it or something. [00:56:46] Making them jealous. [00:56:47] Yeah. [00:56:48] Men. [00:56:48] Oh, this is a good one. [00:56:50] Good one to end on. [00:56:51] Men should never take a paternity leave. [00:56:55] Not because there's anything wrong with taking care of the family, but because you don't want people to think you're a lesbian. [00:57:00] Okay, I didn't read the end of that. [00:57:02] Hold on. [00:57:04] Hold on. [00:57:06] Who's guessing? [00:57:07] You gotta guess what I think. [00:57:09] Men should never take a paternity leave. [00:57:10] Not because there's anything wrong with it, but because they don't want people to think you're a lesbian. [00:57:17] Does any more need to be said? [00:57:19] I think that's it. [00:57:20] I think that's... [00:57:21] That about covers it. [00:57:22] Self-evident. [00:57:22] Yeah. [00:57:24] Imagine... [00:57:25] I mean, we got makeup on for this. [00:57:28] Yeah. [00:57:28] So we don't really qualify to speak on... [00:57:30] And I'm wearing stilettos. [00:57:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:57:32] You can't see it, but I don't think... [00:57:35] If you're in a coal mine... [00:57:39] Yeah. [00:57:40] Are you Tay, fellas? [00:57:43] I'll be back in April. [00:57:44] I gotta go chest feed. [00:57:46] I take the time. [00:57:49] If they're paying for it, I'll take the time, but I'm going to play golf. [00:57:53] If you're getting paid for it, This is the other real problem. [00:57:58] I've taken hours of paternity leave. [00:58:01] Multiple. [00:58:01] We scheduled my wife's most recent delivery. [00:58:04] It was a C-section. [00:58:05] Around the show? [00:58:05] Around the show. [00:58:06] Yes. [00:58:07] I came in and I did the show. [00:58:08] I was joking. [00:58:09] We scheduled it. [00:58:11] It was supposed to be Sunday. [00:58:12] How about we do Monday? [00:58:13] Then you can do the show. [00:58:14] We did it. [00:58:16] Actually, I did a second film shoot and then I went back to the hospital. [00:58:19] Maybe that's an extreme, but part of me says... [00:58:22] What was I going to do? [00:58:23] She's in the hospital with all the nurses. [00:58:25] She told me, go away for a few hours. [00:58:26] We don't want you here. [00:58:30] Actually, you know what would be helpful? [00:58:32] Go to work, make us some money, and send me a nanny. [00:58:36] Not you. [00:58:37] You have clearly shown your best contribution to this family is in the coal mine. [00:58:43] Correct. [00:58:45] Not here helping you make a bottle. [00:58:48] I'll just mess that up. [00:58:50] So if I go out and make the money, if I work extra hard, I can maybe afford one night of a night nurse. [00:58:56] Have you heard of night nurses? [00:58:58] Night nurses, it is the most lucrative profession on the face of the earth. [00:59:02] They make $100 million an hour. [00:59:05] And they come in overnight? [00:59:06] Yes, and they sleep for a lot of the night. [00:59:09] Gosh, yeah. [00:59:10] But it is a tough job because then the baby wakes up. [00:59:13] My buddy said that he said before he got married, and I don't know if you take it or leave it, he said before he got married, he's a businessman. [00:59:21] He said, hey, babe, look, if I have an hour free, everybody, you're not going to want me fixing the toilet, hanging the mirrors, doing the laundry. [00:59:33] If I can do an hour of work on this computer, I will make this family Millions of dollars. [00:59:40] I will never cut the grass, but I will always have enough money we would pay for have some. [00:59:46] And they shook hands, and they never talked about it again. [00:59:49] This is what I tell my wife. [00:59:50] I say, you don't want me hanging the pictures you're fixing. [00:59:52] No! [00:59:53] Because if I can go do one hour of work at Daily Wire's wages, I can bring home $13 to $14 before taxes. [01:00:01] If Ben approves. [01:00:02] And if Ben sends me my check, and then we can hire an illegal alien to And lock him up in our home and never let him out. [01:00:12] And we just show him what to do. [01:00:13] He's like, we can't speak the same language. [01:00:14] No, no, no. [01:00:16] I think we solved it, brother. [01:00:18] Who won? [01:00:20] It's tied right now? [01:00:21] Who runs this show? [01:00:22] I have no idea. [01:00:23] I work so hard around here to read what people put me on. [01:00:28] Do we have a tiebreaker? [01:00:32] All right, ready? [01:00:33] Yeah, answer for John on that question. [01:00:35] Forget about that. [01:00:36] You've done enough, Mr. Davies. [01:00:37] Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. [01:00:39] Two out of three? [01:00:39] Yeah, do it. [01:00:40] Two out of three. [01:00:42] And on shoot. [01:00:43] - Rock, paper, shoot. - One, two, shoot. - All right. - Rock, paper, shoot, shoot. Rock, paper, shoot. Rock, paper, shoot. Rock, paper, shoot. - No! === Oh, I Was In Your Head (00:54) === [01:00:55] Let's go, baby! [01:00:57] Come on, dude. [01:00:58] I was in your head the whole time, dude. [01:01:00] Oh, my. [01:01:02] You were in my head the whole time. [01:01:03] Oh, I was in your head the whole time, dude. [01:01:05] Has anyone ever beat you? [01:01:07] Once or twice. [01:01:07] In the show? [01:01:08] Never. [01:01:09] I've never done that in the show. [01:01:10] Oh. [01:01:10] That was because of the producer error. [01:01:12] Yeah, producer error. [01:01:13] That was devastating. [01:01:14] Yeah. [01:01:14] People were going to come up to me in public, and they were like, dude, I go, how'd you find out about me? [01:01:19] They go, yes or no. [01:01:21] Yeah, obviously. [01:01:22] Michael goes. [01:01:22] Where else? [01:01:23] When you beat him. [01:01:24] Yeah. [01:01:24] John, I guess I would say thank you for coming in. [01:01:27] It was extremely well done. [01:01:28] Go see John's tour. [01:01:31] Jokes for humans. [01:01:33] Let's do it. [01:01:34] Starting in February. [01:01:36] February. [01:01:37] We're back. [01:01:38] See you next time. [01:01:39] That was great.