Real Answers and Real Drinks: Tim Pool | YES or NO
In this episode of YES or NO, Michael Knowles sits down with Tim Pool for a conversation filled with rapid-fire questions, laughs, and unexpected twists. From conspiracy theories and the mainstream media’s influence to Tim’s love for beanies and survival tips, no topic is off-limits. Can Tim keep up with Michael’s “yes” or “no” demands, or will he break under pressure?
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The average 4B woman oath will last as long as Tim's cancellation of IRL. Wow.
To be fair, it was never an actual cancellation.
It wasn't a full-on, it was a raising the prospect of canceling.
Yeah.
But for the 4B women, these women are just sad and angry about other stuff.
That's one way to put it.
I'd say histrionic.
Yeah.
I am joined today for this episode of the Yes or No Game by a friend of mine who has so many advantages.
This is a man with an immense wealth of pop culture knowledge, of political knowledge, a man of athleticism with his skateboard, a man of artistic expertise, a man who can conceal his true thoughts and intentions beneath that beanie in that mind of his.
I speak, of course, of Mr.
Tim Pool.
This is going to be fun.
Thanks for having me.
Tim, thank you for coming on.
If you want to get the Yes or No game, you have to go to dailywire.com slash shop, and you can get Yes or No the game.
That's where you start.
Then you can get the Conspiracy Theory Expansion Pack.
Then, after that, you can get the Politics, Philosophy, and Religion Expansion Pack.
But you have to get the martini on your own.
You don't sell those.
Tim, you have another advantage.
You are drinking iced tea.
Indeed.
I don't drink.
You don't drink, but you have the most expensive, luxurious booze probably anywhere.
Well, you know, for election night, we got some pappy.
Yes.
And I know very little about bourbon, but everyone gets very excited when they see it.
And so I had a sip.
Oh, you did have a sip?
I did, yes.
Because I'm not, you know, it's like I'm an alcoholic trying to avoid drinking.
I just, I'm a health nut.
Yes.
And it is sort of poison.
However, even for me, I'm not even a huge bourbon guy, but when I saw, I like a good deal, and when I saw at your place, and then also on election night, that you had a $2,000 bottle of whiskey, I said, well, I gotta have.
Do you think it was worth it?
Yeah, of course.
It was.
I mean, everybody, your security guards were excited.
They were looking at it like, he's got a bottle of Pappy.
And I'm like, well, it's a big deal, apparently.
It's a big deal.
Okay.
So, with all of this immense power and with sobriety at this early hour, you know the rules of the game?
I do.
Okay.
So, I'm going to begin.
I say ladies first, but since you're a man, I'm going to begin.
Shank Uygur would have performed better than Kamala Harris.
At the presidential election?
or just, it's ambiguous, but probably at the presidential election.
Yes.
Because at least he might have gotten some Muslims in Michigan.
And it would have been a complete blowout in the Rust Belt.
Yes.
But, you know, he also articulates ideas, albeit many of them I believe are often wrong, but at least he tries.
Yeah.
He does, whereas with her, if she articulates an idea, she will then, out of the other side of her mouth, contradict that idea.
So she can hold both sides of every issue.
Well, I think the challenge for her is that she comes from a middle-class family.
That's the only thing she can actually say whenever asked a question.
Does she?
She comes from a middle-class family?
Wow.
I heard that.
I thought she fell out of a coconut tree.
You're up.
She did both.
All right, all right.
In order to vote, every citizen should provide a photo ID along with proof they do not eat the cheese off of pizza, leaving nothing but a soggy triangle for their employees to eat.
Hey, I'll be real, look.
I eat a lot of pasta and a lot of breads, and I don't, you know, I don't...
All that stuff's poison, man.
Minute on the lips, forever on the hips.
If you're just going to eat the cheese off pizza, more power to you.
I say no.
This is just making fun of me now.
Yeah, hold on.
Do you do that?
I didn't...
Well, I don't eat carbs.
Very few.
But you'll eat pizza.
So I'll order pizza, and I scrape the cheese and toppings off, I enjoy it, and then I leave the delicious bread for those who want to eat the bread.
For the hoi polloi.
So the reason they did this is because we had an employee go in and not realize they were grabbing just the bread and they picked it up and bit it and they were like, there's no cheese on this.
And I was like, oh, that was mine.
I scraped the cheese off.
So this is them ragging on me.
Wow.
Okay, but I guess...
So you would say no then.
You would obviously say, because you won a vote.
Well, of course.
So no is the correct answer.
And absolutely, I will enjoy some delicious iced tea.
Look, man, it's weird for sure, but it's not like you're licking the bread.
It's not like you've scraped it with your teeth.
It's just soggy bread.
Well, I mean, come on.
It's like a focaccia.
Exactly.
And, you know, so I try to, I do keto, so I have a higher, it's very high fat, very low carb, there's a little bit of carbs, and I'm not going to eat bread.
And so, why throw the bread away?
Right.
It just seems wasteful.
There's starving people all over the world.
Nobody wants to eat it, but, you know, at least I feel better about myself.
Yeah, it's like a Pansanella.
The Freedom Tunes Dr.
Fauci will never reach its full potential until the right voice actor is cast.
You have to guess how I would answer it.
Well, this seems like a trick question.
I'm going to do this, I think.
Did you mistakenly think I was the voice actor?
No, I'm the voice actor.
Oh, that's right!
And so you would have to insult me by saying yes.
Yeah, I would have to do that.
Yeah, you're correct.
Now listen here, you.
I hate to put you on the spot.
Yes, so I am the voice of Dr.
Fauci on Freedom Toons' cartoon.
Hold on, that's a little more Austrian or something.
I know, it's got a little Arnold in there.
It's a cartoon character.
And so, you know, I don't know how it came about.
Seamus and I are hanging out and then he heard me do an impersonation of Fauci on the show and asked me to do it.
So whenever I do these impersonations, I try to make them cartoonish versions instead of actually trying to sound like them.
So my Fauci voice actually comes truly from A woman I love very much, an old family friend, who is a Jewish woman from Queens.
But has a little bit...
You know, because the thing is, it's not like that voice is unique to Fauci.
That is just a type of voice.
He is just a product of his environment.
So I took that, and I just kind of lowered it a little bit.
Like, normally it'd be a little bit of it, but I lowered it a little, and that's how you get Anthony Fauci.
Is this because you wanted to voice Fauci on Freedom Tunes?
I never was offered the role.
I never saw a casting notice.
I'm dismayed by that.
It was when he said, you don't have to wear two masks!
And I think that's when Seamus was like, you should do Fauci on the show.
And then we had a gag where Seamus asserted that the entirety of Tim Kest was funded by my royalty checks from the voicing I do on Freedom Tunes.
Union, non-union?
Non-union.
That's good.
So the rates were terrible.
Okay, that's fair.
Alright, shall I? You're up.
Due to the Diddy files, this time, many celebrity promises to leave the country if Trump is elected may actually happen.
I know how I would answer.
I'd say yes.
You'd say yes?
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd say yes.
You don't think it's just all going to get swept under the rug like it always does?
Well, let's read this again.
May actually happen.
So it's implying there is a higher probability this time around.
I would actually say...
If we're thinking about celebrities plural, many celebrity promises, I would be willing to bet there are a handful.
Because there's a lot of celebrities.
Yeah, yeah.
I think there's a strong possibility.
It's not just with the Diddy Files, Epstein Files.
I think there's a strong possibility that there's fear.
Elon Musk said in that interview, when Trump gets elected, the Epstein Files are coming out.
Yeah, yeah.
These Diddy freakouts or whatever they call them.
Yeah, freak-offs.
Freak-offs.
There you go.
See, I don't even know what they're talking about.
Yeah, yeah.
I've only been to a handful.
I think they may actually happen.
I feel like this might be a trick question, in a sense, because if it said, will actually happen, I may have said no.
But you think there is a greater likelihood that people go into these freak off things since the 90s with P. Diddy, diddy, doodog, that is going to impel them to leave?
So there's a lot of people who said, if Trump wins, I'm leaving the country.
And I would say right now that the probability that at least some of them do is greater than chance.
So there's the indication they may, because this Diddy stuff is involving children.
And so, you know, and I also say this, we had that one story, I think it was, was it McCabe said, federal agents are thinking of fleeing the country if Trump wins.
So if we're starting from that low of a threshold that someone who works for the FBI may just want to leave because they're scared of Trump in general because of repercussions, The people going to these ditty parties have a much greater incentive to do so.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, alright.
That's a point on the board for Tim.
Look, I understand.
It's fair.
It's fair.
I understand.
But it's tough, because I could have easily said no, but it said may happen, so the question was fairly light.
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A national abortion ban will happen in our lifetime.
You're guessing my opinion?
Oh, wow.
It's a question of how optimistic do I think you are?
And do I think you're a cynic or do I think you have hope?
And whatever I choose will basically be a statement.
There's always the distinction between the conservative optimist and the conservative pessimist.
Yeah.
Conservative optimist.
Conservative pessimist says things can't get worse.
Conservative optimist says yes, they can.
I'm going to say no.
Yeah, it's not going to happen in our lifetime.
I think it will happen.
You do?
Yes, absolutely, 100%.
And I'm not a staunch conservative pro-life or anything like that, but I absolutely believe it will happen.
Why do you think it will?
The 14th Amendment...
It states that there's two sections to, I think this is section one, all persons born in the U.S. are citizens, but it also says that the rights of persons, not citizens, persons, shall not be infringed without due process.
The Supreme Court will have to answer that question.
It's not a question of the legislature, it's not a question of the executive branch, it's a question of the courts.
And what a person is.
As to what a person is.
And this question was asked in the Civil War, is how we come to get the 14th Amendment.
It was basically stating that you can no longer regard black people in this country as not persons.
Property.
And they have to have due process rights.
I do not see a logical path, especially for the court we currently have, to making the argument that the unborn are not persons.
You know, during the Dobbs decision, when they were debating whether or not to overrule Roe v.
Wade...
John Finnis and Robbie George, great legal scholars, made the point that you're making.
They made the 14th Amendment argument.
They said, look, equal protection, man.
These are people.
And the court, maybe for prudential reasons, said, look, we're not going there right now.
We're just overruling Roe.
Roe was insane.
It is a matter for the states.
I mean, the court expressed clearly they were not.
They had death threats just for that.
Initially, when Roe was overturned, I said, I think it probably makes more sense.
The states are going to regulate this one as they see fit.
More power to the states.
I've changed my mind completely.
You're a 14th Amendment guy now.
Within a week or two, I said, the Supreme Court has to answer this question.
It is unconstitutional that one state may determine a person is not and a person is.
And this was already brought up in the Civil War.
We can't have this.
And the 14th Amendment is a post-Civil War amendment.
It's actually responding to that same kind of crisis.
You make a good point.
Okay, so I still say no in our lifetime, but that would be the way that it would happen.
I want a couple points, too, just for anyone who's saying, how does Tim think this?
What's the...
There is no question that life begins at conception.
That is an absurd definition of conception.
Exactly.
It is a unique set of DNA. It is life.
It is unto itself.
And I've asked this question to leftists.
If two identical twin women marry two identical twin males, they conceive at the exact same time, and at eight and a half months, they're both in the hospital, but one gives birth and the other doesn't, Can you kill the baby that was born?
They say, of course not.
I say, okay, can you terminate the life of the baby that is in the womb of the woman next door?
They say, yes, absolutely.
And I said, there is no logical distinction between the babies.
What justification do you have for that?
I believe that any logical reading of the law is going to state there has to be adjudication, due process rights for the baby before their life can be terminated.
Let's go.
Shall I read it?
Let's go, yeah.
But not in our lifetimes, you don't think?
Not in our lifetime.
But eventually.
I agree.
I don't know.
I mean, there's a possibility, but I'd say it's too politically tumultuous.
We were talking on your show about how ideas sometimes follow to their logical conclusions.
There's an inescapable logic.
And I think you're making a great point here, which is, okay, we have this post-slavery, post-Civil War amendment.
It states clearly that persons have rights, and they have a right to due process.
You want to know something even scarier, or I guess more saddening, is that I thought there was a possibility the abortion issue could be our personhood question akin to the Civil War, which could result in another Civil War.
The reason being, you have Oklahoma, which has banned abortion.
You have Colorado, which has unrestricted it to birth.
What happens if a woman is six months, seven months pregnant?
She decides, and maybe there's a, maybe, you know, the left, I'm going to say, whatever the reason may be, there's a reason she states that In the middle of the night, she leaves her husband and flees to Colorado because she knows she can terminate this pregnancy.
She makes her argument and says, oh, my husband is abusive and I can't have this child.
The man says, this is conspiracy to terminate the life of my child.
She has no right to do that.
These states are going to have to make a decision as to whether they allow her to cross that border.
I've changed my mind on this, though, and it's sad because the reality is many slaves fought for their freedom.
The unborn cannot fight for their lives.
Yeah, yeah.
There's no Frederick Douglass of the unborn.
Exactly.
And so I don't think that it'll result in a major conflict, but I do believe that I don't know how you have Oklahoma and Colorado bordering each other with such extreme polarized views of this, and the conflict will arise.
But not a Civil War.
When I was an undergraduate, some of us asked Scalia about his view on marriage.
Could states just pick their own definition?
And he said, you know, so that means you're married in Massachusetts, but you're not married in Connecticut.
I think for certain issues, you need a national definition.
Let's carry on.
Let's see.
Real talk.
Joe Biden wanted Kamala to lose and actively torpedoed her campaign.
Correct.
I'm not taking more than two seconds on that.
It was so obvious.
Absolutely correct.
Let me get a drink of this.
He was beaming when he announced the transfer of power.
Jill Biden wore red.
She wore it to go vote.
That's right.
He skipped her party.
Apparently he was sleeping.
So the next day, I think this is the great one.
He probably felt the greatest, I told you so.
You betray me and now you reap what you have sown.
He laughed so much.
I'll go even further.
When he was in Pennsylvania campaigning for Harris, he's at the firehouse, and he's getting into a little jokey back and forth with one of the guys.
And the guy said, hey, well, Mr.
President, will you put on my Trump hat?
And Biden, he's joking around.
He's playing it off very well because he's a good old politician.
I don't care how senile he is.
He's still got that in his bones.
When he put that Trump hat on and smiled for the cameras, he knew exactly.
Oh, yeah.
And there was a report from Axios that the Harris campaign was desperately trying to get him to stop campaigning for her, was trying very hard to remove her from his administration politically.
And then Joe said, no, no, it's okay.
We're going to go campaign for you in Pittsburgh.
Yeah.
Yeah, he knew what he was doing.
And they couldn't do anything about it because if they spoke up, then it just makes everything worse.
And he was loving it.
It's great.
Democrats actually did have the missing 10 million ballots ready to go, but accidentally mixed them up with the fat stacks of cash they sent to Ukraine.
Okay, come on.
That's a funny one, but there's no way.
No, 5 million at most.
Yeah.
I mean, there's an interesting question as to...
I think right now she's at like 68.5 or something.
And so we're looking at around 12 million votes that are gone.
And, you know, so Trump is at, I think, he's nearing 73-ish.
So he's going to be down a little bit.
But that makes sense because COVID activated a lot of people.
Yeah, yeah.
More widespread mail-ins, etc.
But there are many people who flipped from 2020...
To Trump, and we see that swing in the New York Times polling data, more people, Trump made massive gains.
Yeah.
To the high single digits and some double digits.
The question then remains, if we're looking at the raw numbers, and Joe Biden got 81 and Kamala's currently at 68, but then we factor in that a decent amount of voters switched for Trump, we can say that Trump, the amount of people that voted for Trump 2020 and 2024 may actually be 71 million.
Mm-hmm.
That means Kamala's missing, there's, yeah, I think the number would then be around 10 million voters are missing.
So a lot of people are saying 15 or 20, but I'm like, the voters are there.
There were some for COVID that were only paying attention because of COVID. Some votes are still being counted, even, as we're speaking right now.
And that's why when people said, where are the missing 15 million?
I said, well, California's only 60% in, another two is going to come in for her.
But 10 million people is a big number to have disappeared from your vote count.
It is simple.
I mean, there are simple explanations.
Right now, Gallego has more votes than Harris does in Arizona.
It could just be that people don't like Trump or Harris and said, I'm not voting, but I'll vote for my senator.
And thus, they just set it out.
There's a good chance that some people split the ballot or didn't vote down ballot.
But I'll tell you, for instance, in Arizona and Nevada, the fact that it's taking a while for those other races to be called.
Every day that the count goes on, I think it makes everyone a little less confident in the system.
Alex Jones is more accurate than Luke Rudkowski.
Hmm.
Okay, hold on.
If you'd said Alex Jones is more accurate than, say, Rachel Maddow, I'd say, yeah, sure.
He was right about the frogs.
But then Luke, look, Luke is off on some things.
He's got some t-shirts.
Alex Jones is more accurate.
What would you say?
Yeah.
I say you're going with Alex.
No, no, I go with Luke.
You're going with Luke, okay.
Yeah, yeah, well...
Why?
Luke tries to play it a bit more safe, and Alex can be very emotional and get excitable.
But I'm worried that if this comes out and I've offended Luke, he'll get mad at me.
So I'm just going to...
Yeah, it's a cynical...
You're playing it safe now, much like Luke vis-a-vis Alex Jones.
Well, you know, just in all seriousness, though, Alex has gotten a lot right.
But he's also, look, he went on Joe Rogan and said fifth-dimensional beings and things like that.
And so I give him credit.
You think it's more the sixth dimension?
Well, there's clearly more than even six.
So if Alex went up to 12 or 13, he'd perhaps talk about M-theory and things like that.
Luke keeps it a little closer to Earth.
Yes, that's true.
And also Luke does a lot of field reporting.
So it is a tough one because I don't think either of them are intentionally getting anything wrong.
But I think when you add the field reporting and Luke keeping things a little...
Closer to Earth.
It just gives him more accuracy.
Okay.
Alright.
You're sticking with your guy.
That's cool.
That's cool.
Yeah, and he's going to come on the show and he's going to get mad at me so I have to say nice things about him.
But Alex could too.
I don't know.
Put me against everybody.
Despite his poor diet, crippling cigar addiction, addiction, excuse me, and complete lack of muscle tone, Michael Knowles can do a kickflip.
What's a kickflip?
Give it away.
Ha ha!
Why are they making this easy for me?
Maybe I can't.
What is a kickflip?
It is one of the more basic skateboarding tricks where you jump in the air and the board underneath your feet flips around one time, you catch it and land back on it.
How's that basic?
That's not basic.
Very basic.
It's one of the first things that you're going to learn.
I did skateboard for about four days when I was ten or something.
And I tried, you know, I didn't have like a good skateboard.
I had kind of an El Cheapo, but I was able basically to stand up on it while it was moving sometimes.
How offensive am I allowed to be on this show?
You can be relatively offensive.
Okay, so let me explain some skateboarding things for you.
Yeah.
So the trick we're talking about is called a kickflip.
Yeah.
You jump off the back of the board.
Okay.
You pop it into the air.
Then with your opposing foot, you flick with your toe so it flips around.
You then catch it and land it.
That's called the kickflip.
Now, if while you're doing that, your body rotates 100 degrees, so you land with your opposite foot in the forward direction, That's called a sex change.
Okay.
I'm not kidding.
In skateboarding, it's called a sex change.
The components of the trick are kickflip, body varial.
Body varial is when your body spins.
Kickflip, sex change.
Okay.
There's another trick in skateboarding called a cancel flip.
And I'm particularly capable of these tricks.
I'm very good at them.
When you do a kickflip and the board is coming around, but you stop it and push it back the other way.
You cancel.
Reversing it, you have canceled the flip.
Okay.
Well, just recently, I've invented a new skateboard trick.
I did what's called a kickflip sex change cancel.
And thus, by canceling the flip, I dubbed this trick the D-transition.
This is not a joke.
It is literally on my Instagram.
You pulled it off.
You did the trick or you just conceptualized it?
I literally did it.
So, we've got some of the top pro skateboarders.
They ride for us.
They film for us.
And...
I was playing a game of skate, which is much like horse and basketball with one of our team riders.
And I said, I got an idea.
And within, like, I almost landed immediately first time I ever tried it.
And so I went to a couple of the pros that worked with us and I said, hey, I just came up with this idea for a trick.
You want to film this?
They filmed me land, a couple of them, and they all said, we have never seen that trick before.
And I said, I'm not sure I've ever seen a sex change cancel flip, but you can't call it that.
It's too mouthy.
So I said, how can I create a cultural element in the oral tradition of skateboarding that would be as offensive to the left as possible?
And as precise.
I mean, that sounds precise and accurate.
So is it like...
Is it like in physical science or something where if you discover something, you get to name it?
Yep.
Wow.
Yeah, so skateboarding is largely oral tradition.
Yeah.
So the original term for kickflip was called magic flip, and that was Rodney Mullen who invented it.
But the will of the people speaketh, and they started calling it kickflips, and it doesn't matter what you want to call it.
So it may be that many of these woke leftist skateboarders refuse to use that phrase.
And then they start yelling at me and trying to get me banned on Instagram.
But I actually thought it wasn't intentionally offensive.
I said it's the most accurate way to describe it.
What else would you call it?
What else would you call it?
They have canceled the sex change.
It's a detransition flip.
That's beautiful.
So I would read now, right?
I think you read the kickflip one.
I like how you know the rules better than I do.
I've seen something unexplainable that would be described as aliens, ghosts, or angels.
I'm answering for you.
Yes, I think.
I think.
It's my show.
I should probably know.
You're looking real tight at that card.
You don't want me to read your eyes on this.
Let me give it...
Yes, indeed.
You know why I said yes?
Not because I've ever heard a specific anecdote from you.
The reason I said yes is because I think most everyone has.
I agree.
And the only challenge with it...
I could be...
I could be a dick and say no because I wouldn't describe them as these things.
But no, no, no.
So I've had a few experiences.
When I was younger, I woke up in the middle of the night, laying on my bed, and I saw what I would describe as, you ever see the reflection of water on a ceiling when there's light beaming on a pool?
Oh, sure, sure.
That was on the floor of my bedroom.
And I was awake.
This was not a dream.
I was awake.
And I had an instant adrenaline rush and rolled over.
And this was probably when I was like 12.
And I remember it vividly.
I remember exactly what happened, because it was terrifying.
The unknown, on my floor, what it looked like, and it was very bright.
And I have no explanation for it.
I don't know.
But who knows?
It was terrifying.
C.S. Lewis says there are three kinds of scary.
There's the fear of a tiger in the other room, because the tiger could eat you.
And then there's the fear of a ghost in the other room, which is uncanny.
And you're not afraid that the ghost is going to eat you.
You're just afraid that there are ghosts.
Well, I'm not just generally afraid.
If I saw a ghost walk in this room, I would not be...
I wouldn't have the same kind of fear.
I think when I was a kid, you're a kid.
It's the unknown.
It's the uncanny.
Right.
You're completely unprepared.
I think, at this age, if a veiled woman drifted, just phased through the door into this room, I don't think I'd be scared.
I'd grab my phone and I'd start filming.
You'd say, Salamu Alaikum, if you know.
That would be a little more opaque.
There wouldn't be this transparency.
Moving through the walls, I might be like, did you build this studio on a...
Burial ground.
Indian burial ground or something?
I have a bunch of other stories, too, that are weird, but that's the one that...
Okay, now I hate to take the point away from myself, but you saw something that was weird and eerie, but it didn't have a personality.
No, no.
So that's why aliens, ghosts, or something, it was an unexplained phenomenon.
I think it's fair to say it hits at the heart of the heart.
Okay, okay.
Alright, I'll take it.
I'll take the point.
I will take a drink of this delicious tea.
Yeah.
See, you get the caffeine.
You get the upper.
This is why I'm going a little slower on my martini.
I think you should have to chug it.
It's been a long week.
Yeah, if I just slam it right now and finish this show speaking in cursive.
Tim Pool claims to be a friend to religion, but clearly engaged in witchcraft by resurrecting...
Okay, come on.
This is not...
Hold on.
This is not...
I'll read the line.
Tim Pool claims to be a friend of religion, but clearly engaged in witchcraft by resurrecting the Victorian-era ghost of Mary Morgan to host one of his shows.
Mary Morgan is a very beautiful young woman, and she doesn't strike me as a cult or ghostly.
Maybe a little Victorian, I think, actually.
The chat nickname for his ghost girl.
She has lovely fair skin.
They're giving me a freebie.
It's a freebie.
It's a freebie.
Because you can't reasonably say she's actually a Victorian-era ghost who's been in your studio and on your show.
Do we mean resurrect?
In like a metaphorical Jungian kind of sense?
Or do we mean...
I suppose you can choose.
Yeah, no, I'm not going to be...
I'm not going to steal that.
Lawyer that rules lawyer me, huh?
Yeah, that...
No, you're right.
Mary Morgan, albeit somewhat Victorian and of lovely pallid skin, is not a Victorian arrogance.
Nope, just a Gen Z social commentator, I suppose.
All right, shall I? You're up.
What do we have here?
I would trust a Haitian migrant with my pet over Seamus Coughlin around my grandmother's silver dining set.
Mm-hmm.
Easy.
Easy, right?
Okay.
You know, I will give it to you.
Because...
You know what he did.
I do know what he did.
And I will say this.
Outside of their eating the dogs, they're eating the cats.
Honestly, if I met a Haitian migrant, I have no fear they're actually going to eat my animal.
They might just do voodoo with it.
But in all seriousness, they wouldn't.
You know what I mean, right?
But here's what I have to say about old Seamus Coughlin.
I'll tell you this story.
So he's staying at my place.
He's on the show for several months, and we have a fully finished basement.
And so we're like, you know, come stay with us.
Well, one day, I think Allison is making coffee, and there's no spoons.
And she's like, where are the spoons?
And I was like, oh, you know, maybe Seamus made coffee, and he's putting them in the sink downstairs.
And so then I just very probably like, hey, Seamus, can you bring the silverware up, and we'll do the dishes?
And he's like, yeah, you got it, buddy.
He walks upstairs with a handful of spoons and he puts them in the sink and then he says to me, there's an Irishman who lives under my house and he's stealing all my spoons!
As just a joke he's making, as he's doing it passively, I bust out laughing.
He's very funny.
And then the joke that he made up is that he stole my spoons.
When in fact I did not accuse him, but now it's a running gag.
And?
And Allison says she never actually got all the spoons back.
Yeah, that's the thing.
It's, you know, maybe in every joke there's a little hint of truth.
Seamus made the joke, but then Allison goes, you know, we didn't get all the spoons back.
They must still be down there, I guess.
Did he make a joke or a confession?
That's what I want to know.
He needed to confess, but he didn't want to do it directly because he wanted plausible denial.
That's right.
I think the Illuminati do stuff like that.
So wait, am I supposed to drink or was that just left there?
I think we both get to drink.
That's all I say.
I kind of want one of these olives.
It's almost lunchtime.
Yeah, I bought some garlic stuffed olives.
They're the best.
You know, they say that if you don't start drinking in the morning, you can't drink all day.
Oh, I wouldn't know.
The average 4B woman oath will last as long as Tim's cancellation of IRL. Wow, that's a tough one, actually.
We'll just slide that one over there.
No.
You say no?
Actually, no.
So Tim's cancellation of IRL lasted about 14 hours, I believe.
To be fair, it was never an actual cancellation.
It wasn't a full-on...
It was a raising the prospect of canceling.
Yeah.
But for the 4B women, I don't think it's going to be a day or two or a week or whatever.
I think for some of these women...
I saw one of the 4B videos.
It was very sad.
I don't mean to make fun of this woman.
And she goes, man, I'm going to...
Today, Trump won.
I'm going to smoke cigarettes.
I'm going to get a tattoo.
I'm angry.
I'm doing 4B. I'm going to swear off men.
Coincidentally, my boyfriend and I broke up a couple days before the election.
These women are just sad and angry about other stuff, and Trump is kind of the target of all that.
That's one way to put it.
I'd say histrionic.
To use a popular and traditional word, histrionic.
I wonder why they're filming themselves crying.
There's one video where there's a mother, she puts her camera phone on a stand in front of her and films herself telling her children that Trump won, and then you hear the kids screaming, crying.
And I kind of feel like, uh, that's child abuse.
Yeah.
But, you know, I don't know.
I kind of think that mothers using social media in front of or with children is in itself child abuse.
I don't think kids should be on social media.
No way.
No way.
You know, I'll squeeze in...
Well, actually, I'll save this one in case a question comes up.
Okay, all right.
Just to put the button on it, I think some of these women, they have deeper problems.
It's good to be chased, but I don't know that that's totally what this is about.
So do I drink because I got it wrong?
You have to drink, and I get to drink.
Oh, okay.
That's right.
It's all about the verb.
All right, now I will read.
Yes.
Okay.
Only a few left.
The Ukraine war will end before the war in Gaza.
I think they're both going to end before Trump even enters office, and I think you probably think the same thing.
The question is, which comes first?
It's tough also because the Ukraine war is more complex than this specific war in Gaza.
However, the war in Gaza could end immediately.
But if Trump told Netanyahu to wrap it up before Election Day, Netanyahu might go hog on Tehran before...
This is complex statecraft.
I'm going to say the war...
There's going to be land negotiation.
No, the war in Gaza will end before the war in Ukraine.
That is the right answer.
And the reason is it's already been reported that Hamas has called for the war to end.
About five minutes after Trump.
That's right.
And Trump Jr.
tweets, my dad's not even in office yet and they're already begging to end the war.
And I think there was a report that the Houthis have put out a statement saying, we'll just effectively please forgive us.
They're terrified of what Donald Trump does once he gets in office.
And I love it because hopefully he doesn't have to do anything.
But I agree.
It is much more likely that the war in Israel ends.
As you mentioned, Trump says, wrap it up.
I don't want this on my plate.
He did say he'd end Ukraine in 24 hours of getting elected.
As president-elect, he'd get on the phone and say, wrap it up.
It hasn't, but I think the current iteration of the Gaza war ends.
Right.
He might have just misspoken over which major global conflict was going to end within 24 hours.
Yeah.
Okay.
I read.
J.D. Vance is more likely to finish this term than Trump is.
Hmm.
Because it could go two ways.
Yeah, what's tough about that is the term more likely.
And what I think versus what I think you would say, obviously, is always a thing, but I think you're a man of good logic and math, so I will do this.
Do you say...
No, I would say no.
Really?
Yes, because...
Look, I'm not saying Trump is 25 years old.
I just think he's got good genes in his family.
They live a long time, the Trumps, when they basically take care of the Trumps.
So you're bad at math, is what you're saying.
I thought you were better at math.
No, but there's another way to take the question, which is it could be taken that the Libs are going to try to assassinate him again.
And so that is a legitimate fear, and that would be a cause of J.D. finishing the term.
I just think...
Man, last second you turn your head 20 degrees, I think Trump's role in this world is not yet finished.
But the reason why I said yes is because I think as a fact question, the answer is yes.
And that is...
You would say that an average American...
If Trump were an average American, it would be likely that he would not finish his term.
Well, I'm not saying he's not likely to finish it.
I'm saying it doesn't matter if it's Trump, it doesn't matter if it's J.D. Vance.
If you take, insert 78-year-old man and insert 40-year-old man, is there a higher probability that the younger man serves for us?
It's 100%.
Well, it's four years.
I shouldn't say 100%.
The probability that J.D. Vance finishes his term is higher, regardless of...
That J.D. Vance finishes his term as VP? Or that he finishes his term as...
Meaning, do you mean it's more likely...
This is the problem with how these are awarded.
Right.
Let me see it again.
Is it more likely that Trump finishes Trump's term or that J.D. finishes Trump's term?
J.D. Vance is more likely to finish this term than Trump is.
This specific term.
As a question of fact, is true.
Regardless of what you think about politics, regardless of assassinations or anything like that, Trump is older than J.D. Vance.
But it's only true if...
What's the American life expectancy?
79.
79.
So it's true if Trump is the average American or indicative of the average American.
Yes.
But I don't think he is.
So I accept that your no is of sound logic.
Okay, all right.
That's good.
And then I read this last one.
Yes.
And then no matter what you put, I'm going to say you're wrong so that I can just get an extra point.
Okay.
We should start a performative holiday on January 6th, a la Guy Fawkes Day, just to remind Congress that they're never more than one mistake away from a good old Capitol storm.
They're never more than one mistake away from amiable Florida men taking selfies in the rotunda.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We need a holiday on January 6th.
Yeah, that'd be super funny.
So yeah, I think it'd be really funny.
It's marginal for me, but I'll say you are correct.
Yeah.
And I'm thinking about, you know, we have Remember, Remember the 5th of November.
We could do something like Wish, Wish for January the 6th.
Wish, Wish for January the 6th.
The day when the people arose.
Yeah.
And we'll come up with a rhyme for it.
You know what Guy Fawkes was trying to do, right?
Are you familiar with that?
He was trying to restore some sense to the UK government.
Is that what you're calling it?
Some would say.
Some would call it.
We wanted to blow up Parliament to install a Christian theocracy.
Catholic.
Catholic, sorry.
Catholic.
Yes, that would be, by definition, a Christian.
And it is fascinating to watch these internet leftists don his mask and run around.
I know.
It's amazing that they take the Catholic side over the Anglican establishment side.
I'm still working on the rhyme.
Buffalo skins are hairy on the 6th of January.
Is that or...
I'm just going through the alphabet.
Congressman are wary on the 6th of January.
That's not bad.
Congressman, be wary on the 6th of January.
Because you might end up in the background of some Florida man's photo holding Nancy Pelosi's lectern.
Yeah, you're right.
There you go.
That's good.
Okay.
All right.
So who won?
I think you won, didn't you?
All right.
I won by one.
When I take it back, he was wrong.
The last one I say, no.
Are there takebacks, Mr.
Poole?
First of all, everyone, obviously.
You probably already do watch TimCast IRL, which exists.
And also all the other shows.
And everything else that Tim is doing.
And make sure that you go out there and try to do the D-Trans trick on a skateboard.
