#684 Reddit's shareholders should be informed about this w/YKS
TODAY: JF and DB of YKS join US to call on Reddit investors to bring vicious, anti-Musk mods to heel before they destroy the entire site with their bigotry We also watch the #1 dork in charge of tattling on Reddit be radicalized into holocaust-denial in real time by the website (X) he's defending. ALSO: Not content to rest on their laurels, the Babylon Bee is cultivating the next generation of sardonic satirists with a User Submitted Headlines social media forum available only to $60/subscribers and up. We read through clever and playful headlines like "Trump Says That It's OK If Someone Wants To Work From Home. However, If They Do, Then Their Pay Will Be Cut In Half Since They No Longer Have To Deal With The Price And Aggravation Of Having To Commute To And From Their Jobs Daily." and wonder how these cats haven't gone professional yet. FINALLY: An Intersex???? Moose??? A local news station reports on a hunter's interesting (or gross!!!) discovery and Facebook conservatives react with angry confusion. Is this the result of democratic leadership? Does this moose make anyone else think about molesting kids? We can at least all agree the situation is SAD and DISGUSTING. Listen to YKS at https://www.patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks and wherever podcasts are found Support MDC and get a bonus episode every week by signing up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult for only $5/month Music: Roland Jones- Detroit Jones '92 Sleepytime Trio- All Ease J Dilla- Time (The Donut of the Heart)
And conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-fornia today.
So stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys.
We'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're going to destroy the desert.
Oh, they're remarkable stuff.
Stay tuned.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Reddit mods are responsible.
And we are documenting it.
What's up, everybody?
Thank you for tuning in to another wonderful episode of Minion Death Cult.
And this one is especially wonderful because we have a couple of guys here that we hold very dear to our hearts.
We got Jesse Farrar and Mike Hale from YKS. What's up, boys?
Hello.
What's up?
I think it's Mike's first time on the show, man.
Welcome.
What?
Is it?
I feel like I've been out before.
You can't track this old dog, man.
I feel like you had to have.
I feel like one time, maybe.
Maybe you were on our show.
That's true.
I can't remember what happened yesterday.
For sure.
Well, either way, you're here.
And in a very timely matter, I must say, you were here right on time.
So thank you for that, Mike.
We really appreciate that.
That's ridiculous.
Unlike some other people.
Look, look, look, y'all.
It's crazy.
Look, is that what it has to be, Mike, to get you to get somewhere on the dot?
It has to be in your house, I guess.
You know what?
That's fair.
I thought you were on the call.
You sent me the link super early.
I thought you were on, so I joined.
join.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I kind of maybe have built my life around some of your habits in some way.
I'm glad the parallels aren't just down to I'm glad that I also play a similar role in our show.
I wasn't going to say it.
It's the odd couple dynamics.
You've got to have it.
I don't know.
It's very, very important.
Unless you've got the barstool sports money or...
You have fucked a lot of guys.
You're going to have to have this one where there's one guy who's kind of like, can you show up and do the thing?
And then you have the other guy who's like...
Hey, I'll just do it whenever I fucking feel like it, man.
Otherwise, there's no podcast.
It creates the necessary sparks.
The friction that makes the magic happen.
I don't know if we're going to get the barstool money, but I've fucked a few guys, but I'm working on a bunch of guys.
Once we get to a bunch of guys, we're going to be on the show.
How many episodes have they done?
If they've done like seven episodes, then there's something you can...
Let's see.
They have 15,000 reviews.
Oh, the guys we fucked lately?
People?
Yeah.
Maybe this is not fair.
You know what?
I'm going to take back what I said.
I don't think they fuck a guy each episode.
Well, that's true.
But I don't actually know if the show is about fucking guy.
It could be about anything.
Because if someone said...
Oh, how many Kickstarters really suck?
I guess you got me.
I don't know.
You're probably right.
It's not a one-to-one.
You do do the six-pack notoriously.
I feel like you guys are doing it.
You're doing it correctly.
If I go to the Guys We Fucked podcast, that's what I'm there for.
I know.
What if we listen to it and they have a six-pack of guys in the episode?
Jesus!
I hope not.
I'm really banking on being the six-pack of guys we fucked guy.
I'm hoping to be the six-pack of that.
Yeah, but anyway, Jesse, wonderful to have you here.
That's right, Jesse Farrar of the I'd Like to See Old Donnie Wriggle His Way Out of It This Time fame, who we brought here to explain just how Donnie wriggled his way back into the White House.
I'm just kidding.
I hadn't thought about that.
That's interesting.
No, no.
The first thing I wanted to talk about was this account that I follow on Twitter, aka X, that I love a lot.
And this is the Reddit Lies account, who is devoted to just complaining about specifically Reddit, holding them accountable on X, which I think is a very valid pursuit.
And they're also...
I've been the source of one of my favorite episode titles of this show, which is, I'm going to coin the term Christophobia.
The definition is Reddit.com.
That is really good.
I like the.com, too.
That's like some, I don't know, millennial humor thrown in.
Yeah, I think maybe if I type that out and then I saw that the link went blue when I typed it, I might go like, oh, wait.
Have you ever tried to type Will.i.am?
You're like, oh, wait, I have to figure out some other way to do this because it looks fucking idiotic if I do it this way.
Yeah, totally.
It happens to me all the time.
When you're typing will.i.am, it happens.
Yeah, it's like, I want to look up the page 99 discography.
Oh, no, my computer got a virus somehow.
Yeah, you got to be careful with these keyboards, man.
This guy's great, though.
He noticed something over on Reddit.
And it's that Reddit is rebelling against Elon Musk.
And he has been sharing screenshots of out-of-control moderators on Reddit being extremely unreasonable.
Censorious.
Is that a word?
Censorious against the whole website of Twitter.
He shares a screenshot of C47man, who's a mod in some group.
I don't know.
We can't see it in the screenshot.
But it says, heads up, Nazi bootlickers here will be banned.
I'm done pretending we can have civil discourse.
Dude did two Nazi salutes, and you don't care?
Bye-bye!
And I guess we'll probably get maybe a little more into the Nazi salutes in this week's Patreon episode where it becomes, again, relevant.
But yeah, a lot of...
You know, Elon's Nazi gestures were the last straw for a lot of people, you know, who had, I guess, been tolerating him for enough time.
All the other stuff was fine, but I did see that they're blocking all the links to x.com.
That's right, yeah.
On all these subreddits, yeah.
Reddit lies is at the forefront of reporting this.
Yeah, first he says Reddit has got to get their moderators under control.
Who mods the mods, guys?
My question.
I saw this.
This came up on...
I'm looking for it now on the Tennessee Titans subreddit.
Like many other subreddits on the page.
You know, I get this one served to me as an ostensible fan of the team.
And I can't find it now.
I'm thinking it has been...
I'm thinking the post has maybe been deleted from the Tennessee Titans subreddit.
But someone also tried this move over there.
It was basically like, hey, you know...
Seems like he's a pretty much out-and-out Nazi at this point.
Maybe we should stop posting links to the website.
And as far as I get to, I did click on it, and I did read through it, and my hope was almost buoyed for a moment because I was like, oh, you know, that's good.
You know, fuck him and fuck the website and stuff like that.
Okay, this could be kind of cool here.
Basically, every comment on it was some variation of, what are you, gay?
The football subreddits are still doing X.com.
Okay, good to know.
Good to know.
Yeah, noted.
Yeah, good to know free speech is still relevant somewhere.
Reddit lies reports getting dozens of DMs.
I saw this Friday.
I don't know.
It might have happened Thursday, but I was so enraptured by this breaking news.
Reddit lies getting dozens of DMs of different subreddits that are banning links to X. The movement has exploded over the last 24 hours.
Reddit's shareholders should be informed about this.
They're blocking links to X on R slash coming on figurines.
This is the apocalypse.
Well, he does include examples right here.
The mods of R slash Ontario have banned all links to X. Wow.
Ontario has fallen.
Wow.
The mods of R slash PC gaming have banned all links to X. The mods of R Finland have banned all links to X. The mods of r slash two chromosomes or two X chromosomes have banned all links to X. That one?
Damn.
Really?
Is that like a transphobia subreddit?
I'm not familiar with that one.
It's not.
It's welcoming.
That's a good community.
I'm what you might call I'm sort of a I wouldn't say stalker of two X chromosomes.
I'm a lurker.
I'm a lurker on there.
I'd like to know what are these ladies up to and what do they think about us fellas?
I kind of read on that one and see what they're thinking.
No, they're okay.
Don't you get tired of posts about shopping?
Don't you just get tired of reading about shopping?
I have a filter.
I filter out all the shopping posts.
I get to read one about once every six months or so.
I get a new post about shopping.
I'm just there to listen and learn.
I think that's the best thing we can all do.
I'm sitting my man ass down and listening to them.
Listening to what times they leave for work.
Listening to how long they're gone for.
This is my favorite one though.
The mods of R slash RuPaul's.
What kind of food should I buy for my boyfriend?
I have a burner account.
Um, the mods of our slash RuPaul's drag race have banned all links to X.
Okay.
That one, I feel like if you're posting that one, are people on Twitter caring about that one?
The people left on Twitter who are monitoring Reddit lies, are they like, ah!
They're probably like figures.
Yeah, maybe like a self.
Yeah, okay.
They're congratulating themselves a little bit.
Alright.
Yeah, that one's fun because you get to go like, yeah, of course they're fucking deranged.
That confirms my priors about RuPaul's Drag Race, yeah.
I do love just the appeal to the shareholder.
Just instantly going to the refs, I guess.
What if the refs were only referees because they had a lot of money and got to buy the position of referee?
That's the kind of referee that you're referring to.
I don't know.
It's exponentially more bitch-ass than appealing to a normal ref.
In my opinion.
Yeah, it's rough because I think I saw there was something recently where somebody I'm going to say it's in Portland even though I don't know for a fact it is.
It sounds like it is.
Something might happen.
You know what I mean?
Something might happen in Portland.
You kind of go like, yeah.
Figures.
I feel like something happened there where there was a guy who's in charge of a bookstore and was saying something about how AI should be able to write books and you shouldn't get mad at AI for writing books and stuff like that.
Did you see that?
No, I didn't.
Well, all the right-thinking people with the good opinion that, you know, that's stupid.
AI shouldn't write books.
You shouldn't put them in your bookstore and that kind of thing.
They were like, we should call the bookstore this guy works at or whatever.
And you know what?
I don't even have a problem with it.
It doesn't even matter to me.
I just...
The whole process of it is weenie.
And if you do something weenie and it hurts a bad guy, that's okay.
I understand that.
I just don't want to do the...
Sir, did you know your employee?
I just don't want to do any of it.
I don't think I want to participate in that aspect of stuff.
You know what I'm saying?
Is that guy the buyer for the store?
I don't know.
If it's somebody who actually has the ability to...
Yeah.
Sell AI books or whatever and has that decision-making power, then yeah, sure, take him down with a vicious note to his, I don't know, like the other people he works with.
It doesn't seem like you could get him fired if he's in charge of anything.
I guess I resent being put in the position in the first place.
There was the guy who, at the Philadelphia Eagles playoff game, was screaming in some lady's face.
Yeah, I saw that.
You saw that?
He's like, hey, you stupid...
You fucking...
Not my proudest moment.
Not my proudest moment.
Yeah, but you love your Eagles, though.
I love my Eags.
But that guy got shit-canned.
And when I saw that he got shit-canned, I was like, aha.
I did giggle about it.
I guess I wouldn't want to be the one making the phone.
What do you say on the phone?
I guess that's my question.
What do you say to the sheriff?
It's not good, right?
He's going to lose his job and then he's going to go home and get a shotgun and blow his head off.
What did he accomplish?
I don't know.
Go to his workplace or something?
I mean, it's all bad.
You're participating in it.
Everything about it is bad.
It's not good.
I just don't want to have the phone conversation, I guess is why.
I don't want to talk on the phone.
I don't want to do that.
Can I text somebody about this?
Maybe copy and paste a text, actually.
Can you just do that for me?
Yes.
You know what?
I'll check a box that says I didn't like what that guy did.
I guess.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think this probably sounds cliche or whatever.
I think just the best solution is for that guy to get his ass kicked in the moment.
I know.
And then he can go back to his...
He can lick his wounds and still have a job or whatever and maybe learn a lesson that didn't involve wielding capital against another worker or something like that.
But, I mean, I don't know.
He had friends with him and it was...
That's a bad video.
I watched that one.
I was like, damn.
I think you should pull your pants down and spank his butt.
I agree.
I think that we should go back to that because there was a time...
Spank his butt right in front of everybody.
Not that long ago.
Yes, you would have your pants pulled down and somebody would be spanking your butt right in front of everybody.
That is absolutely true.
Well, don't worry.
I think that we're in for an era of more spankings from what I understand.
Daddy is back and he's brought his belt and there's going to be a lot of spankings.
So I'm looking forward to that.
That's going to be real hot.
I'm pulling my pants down right now.
I'm lining up for him to battle.
Daddy's home.
There go my pants.
There aren't a lot of America's problems that can't be solved with a vigorous spanking of your underage daughter.
Yeah, I don't know.
But back to this appealing to the shareholders or whatever.
Just on principle, it's not even so much like...
Crying to somebody's boss or whatever.
It's just also the idea of thinking that shareholders would ever improve anything anywhere.
You're automatically my enemy.
It goes almost beyond politics or taste or whatever.
I'm just like, you're just a fucking idiot who's trying to make the world worse when I hear an appeal to the shareholders.
Yeah, because I guess the problem with it I have is if you could believe If you could believe tattling on that guy who went off with the lady at the football game, if he worked for a company whose explicit goal was making the world good, and the people who organized the company and were in charge of it were good people who looked out for the people of the world, then you could maybe feel justified in being like, well, I told a good person and a good person made a decision.
That was a good process.
What you did was you talked to some other asshole who's evil and he used the moment in a cynical way to advance his own ends.
What you see now of all the billionaires taking out all of the DEI stuff from their corporate mission statements or whatever.
We believe in civil rights and there's a guy in the back erasing it right now.
Appealing to those guys, it doesn't mean anything.
It's not justice.
It looks like it.
That's what bums me out, I think.
There was some Instagram post from the White House I saw that somebody posted that was like, promises made, promises kept, and deportations have begun or whatever.
It's like a picture of how do you not...
I realize that that's just like evil looking or whatever.
It looks evil, yes.
Oh no.
Nasty guys.
This guy though, Reddit Lies, he is extremely Reddit.
That's why he's so obsessed with what Reddit is doing over there because they alienated power users like himself.
They alienated dedicated Redditors like himself.
Real aggrieved, spurned lover vibes.
And so he is, of course, like any good Reddit user, a friend of Israel, or at least was throughout the whole fucking bombardment of Gaza and...
The attack on Palestinians.
And so he's trying to do that based thing, but thread the needle.
That one podcast we covered called Based News, but one of the guys was gay, so they would just get slurs in every comment section from the actual based people who wanted to listen to their podcast.
And it was kind of like that throughout the bombardment.
He would post stuff defending Israel or like...
Criticizing Palestinian protesters or Palestinian Reddit users or whatever.
And just the whole comment section would be filled with Nazi groopers calling him whatever fodder for the ashes or whatever.
And now I think he got successfully hassled enough to where now he's posting his own Holocaust denial.
I saw this from him.
Jesus.
He quoted, he screenshotted a Reddit post that's talking about how, you know, the number of people killed in the Holocaust was 6 million, and then somebody corrects that person and says, actually, it was 6 million Jews that were killed in the Holocaust.
The actual number is 11 to 17 million, depending on who you ask and how you count them.
And that's just, that's true.
That's just, you know, the historical evidence is that the six million number refers to the Jewish population.
It doesn't include all the fucking socialists and other, like, degenerate people the Nazis purged throughout their control, let alone all the people they killed in the war and all that sort of thing.
Reddit Lies shared this specifically to dunk on it and says it's 17 million now.
So, like, sarcastically repeating the idea that the Nazis killed a ton of people.
Yeah, it's going around lately, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
It's funny, like, how when you did it, you fucking plant yourself on the Nazi platform in order to oppose the, I don't know, like, goofy, the other, like, maybe it's more frustrating because it's more like culturally liberal or whatever.
It just turns you into a fucking Nazi.
You opposed...
Liberalism and leftism so hard you became a Nazi, which is a tale as old as time.
I just feel like this is one of those ones you're supposed to keep close to your chest, especially if your whole thing is pointing out lies on a website.
You're like, how about this huge lie that we've been taught?
How about this one?
What a crazy way to go.
Maybe talk to your shareholders.
Maybe your shareholders might want to hear about that one.
It's kind of hard to follow this one up with, like, they banned x.com from r slash survivor.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's over at Reddit.
Hey, bro, back up for a sec.
And then he replies here.
I had a reply.
Maybe it got...
Yeah, Jay Pence says, 17 million depending on how you count them, dot dot dot.
What?
Oh, wow.
And then Reddit Lies replies, Jews count as two people because they're God's chosen people.
Duh.
And this had so many replies that were like, what?
Reddit Lies is based now, actually?
And I just, yeah, I think he got tired of getting so thoroughly down-duted, or whatever it's called, that he adopted the official Twitter platform of being a Nazi.
This is a bummer to see.
What was that account?
Mike, was it McDonald's Truth?
Yeah, I think it was.
Yeah, McDonald's truth.
Spilling the tea.
I was like, the ice cream machine actually isn't broken yet.
Don't spill the sweet tea, even though it is just a dollar.
So you might as well go by and get one.
Spill it all over the fucking place.
Even if you don't want one, just get it.
You can drink it later.
But like, if they showed up one day and were doing Holocaust denial, I guess that would be a little bad taste in my mouth.
Hey, you know, I'm here for the quarter pounder.
The McDonald's stuff.
We don't care about this.
It's not even funny either.
It's not even a funny thing to say.
It's so boring and unfunny.
It feels like Elon Musk adopting Nazi rhetoric to appeal to the shittiest people in society.
It's very rote kind of delivering the meme verbatim.
Yeah, you're not even doing it good.
Yeah, you're repeating some paint-by-numbers dumb shit from somewhere else.
It's so boring.
This is maybe not for anybody who will listen to the show.
Did you guys ever see the episode of Law& Order, the OG version, in which I don't remember what the crime actually was, but through part of their investigation, they're looking at a high school-aged kid's Either his computer or his online posts, and they find where he was radicalized, and they found 9-11 memes he made.
I didn't see that.
It sounds vaguely familiar.
I don't know.
I'm going to have to hear some of these memes, if you remember.
I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was very like, what would a TV writer think would be scandalous for people who are watching Law& Order to see, but also not so good that...
Anyone would ever actually do it or whatever.
They didn't do the big dogs, listen up, but America deserved 9-11.
No, they didn't do the, hey, 9-11 is happening to the guy on the toilet in the bathroom at the World Trade Center.
No, it was like they took a picture of man falling out of a building and they wrote LOL on it or something.
Well, my point is, watching that episode, you go like, well, that's not really subversive.
That wouldn't be how you did it.
Because when you're writing one of those shows, you have to do the job of a TV writer and a funny-ass fucking meme guy, too.
That's tough.
I guess the only way to fix that would be to hire more funny-ass meme makers for TV show jobs.
I don't know if they'll ever try that, but maybe they could.
Yeah, so that's it.
That's all I had on Reddit Lies.
I just I love revisiting this guy and finding out what he's what he's upset about this time.
I love you.
Yeah, let's let's move on to you.
Didn't get the prep from this, Jesse.
Okay, so the other day I found out that I was still subscribed to the Babylon Bee because I had a $60 charge come out of my account.
No!
Which I could have sworn they revoked my access to the Babylon Bee message boards.
You gotta do a chargeback on that.
Chargeback.
I don't know how to do that.
Is it easy to do?
Yeah.
I mean, all you do is you go in your account and you tell Chase Bank that you didn't actually want to buy this and they'll say, we'll get back to you in 98 days and they get back to you and say...
We're going to leave the charge on there anyway.
It's easy to do, yeah.
Well, I have a credit union, so maybe they're for the members, actually.
Rock on, rock on.
That's some Portland shit right there.
You should be like, oh yeah, I signed up for this on accident.
Yeah, totally.
Or I did this as a joke.
Is there a box for that?
I just thought it'd be funny.
It was funny.
I don't know if that helps me get my money back.
It was funny.
We did it for one episode.
Anyway.
The person over the phone at Arrowhead Credit Union is telling me how to do write-offs on my taxes.
She's like, explaining.
Well, actually, there's this thing.
Yeah, just take the loss on this.
That 60 bucks comes right off the top of your tax bill.
Yeah, this isn't the first time.
This also happened to me with the dailywire.com.
I could have sworn it wasn't letting me look at...
What we're about to look at right now.
And since I already paid for it again this time, we got a year's use out of it.
I decided I wanted to share with the YKS boys Babylon Bee subscriber submitted headlines.
So good.
There's a social media aspect of the Babylon Bee website, if you're a member, where you can create your own headlines.
And there's just a constant feed of user-submitted headlines.
And so these are, like, recent.
These are from minutes ago.
Jesse, don't sign up for this.
Bro, I'm about to get my joke nut off.
Don't do it.
So, yeah.
Hold on to your sides, guys.
Lee Corey says his headline is, Noah frustrated as animals line up two by two every time he tinkers with his fishing boat.
Right, yes.
They want to get back on that boat.
They're like worried that another flood's coming.
Yeah, this is actually not cool.
I think Noah probably should be responsible and stop messing with fishing boats.
He's really triggering a lot of trauma for the mass extinction that happened last time he loaded up a boat.
Not cool, bro.
I guess the baked into this one is the supposition that all of the animal kingdom shares like an institutional memory about history.
They're all hanging out with him.
Yeah, they're all on his land.
Okay, if you can buy that, it's a good premise.
Yeah.
I like the idea that he would be frustrated about them lining up.
God damn it!
They're doing it again!
Yeah, that could be funny.
I could see that.
So this is not pegged to any particular news story?
This is just like a fire hose of jokes?
It's just a free association.
Now, a lot of these are topical, but sometimes you have to kind of be insane to figure out how they're topical.
Is this a way for these guys to just get free story ideas?
Well, no, Mike, these are totally made up.
Why would that have any...
The site owners are like, yeah, you guys can make up your own.
Yeah, they definitely have just like an AI scrape this every day.
For sure, yeah.
Lions are not safe, who has an AI-generated avatar.
Big things.
Lions are not safe, yeah.
After, quote, no vote, Mitch McConnell yells, quote, ha-ha, or just one ha-ha, fooled you.
While ripping mask off to reveal his true identity, Mitch McConnell.
I'm not sure.
After no vote, Mitch McConnell yells, yeah, I don't know.
This one must have some context I'm missing.
Well, it's a twist at the end.
It's surprising.
We all know the art of humor is often surprise.
And it's like he ripped off his mask and you're thinking, well, who's it going to be?
But it's still him, though, because he's so bad.
Clever.
It's a surprise if you don't know that Mitch McConnell's a huge Sting guy.
But everyone knows.
Oh yeah, sure.
Did Sting rip off a mask to reveal more Sting?
Yeah, yeah.
That was a good gag.
So good.
There's never been a bad Sting gag.
I'll go ahead and say that.
Yeah, that was smart.
The no vote here is referring to the confirmation of Pete.
Hegseth or Hezgeth, whatever that rancid motherfucker's name is.
Oh, you don't like him?
No, I'm firmly with Mitch McConnell in this arena.
Yeah, Mitch McConnell voted no.
I thought he looked cool.
Yeah, he seemed cool.
I liked his cryptic tattoos.
Anyone else?
Yeah, I liked his fascist tattoos and spousal abuse or whatever, girlfriend abuse, whatever the fuck he did.
Those were great.
Seemed like a guy you could drink a beer with.
Go to Eagles game with.
Yeah, for sure.
Child of God, I know this one's going to be funny, says, after horrifying revelations about MLK Jr., come.
Awkward phrasing, yeah.
Come.
Say it out loud before you click enter.
The revelations did come.
Yeah.
It's true.
They did, yeah.
Democrats moved to name six months after him.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
This is, yeah, right.
Can you imagine?
They would change the actual names of the months after Martin Luther King, and they would all just be the same, like that boxer who named all of his children, George.
That would be what the Democrats would do with the months.
What's that boxer's name?
From the tip of my tongue.
Are the revelations the alleged adultery?
Yeah.
The same anti-MLK FBI smear tactics that they use to try and get him to commit suicide were like...
I think they're trying to pretend that...
Trump unsealed those documents that everybody else has had for the last 50 years or whatever.
And so these are like, wow, new revelations that confirm all my irrational hatred of a civil rights leader.
Yeah, he's doing that with the aliens, too.
I thought that was cool.
He's making that stuff come out.
I like that.
He's about to declassify all that shit, dude.
Yeah.
It's about to come down, tumble it down like a house of cards.
I saw someone saying, I don't know if you saw that, I saw someone saying that he's going to reveal that we have had direct communication with them and actually, they actually, believe this or not, and I do actually believe it, somebody was able to call a UFO down on the White House lawn.
I don't know how they did it, but I'm looking forward to it.
I think probably sometime in the next four years, something really cool will happen for me in my very narrow, insane set of beliefs.
That's going to be really cool.
Never kill yourself.
Not for four years anyway.
Not if you love the film Independence Day.
Don't kill yourself.
Did you see that video that was released of somebody Pulling up a white balloon with a rope.
They were like, this is...
I saw some posts about that.
Never seen an aircraft like this.
It's scary, dude.
It's scary how smooth that egg-shaped craft was.
Can you imagine how fucking fast it goes?
Imagine how the little guy inside of that thing felt.
He was probably like, wow!
Now imagine this.
In the next five to eight years, we will have a phone call with an alien.
I believe that.
Imagine this.
What if it turns out that MLK Jr. Alien.
I actually was an alien.
That would explain some of the stuff I've heard about him lately, yes.
Yeah, he didn't even have human genitalia.
How was he propositioning all those prostitutes?
Doesn't make sense.
Doesn't make sense.
So I clicked through to this post to show you guys another aspect of the Babylon Bee social website.
Which is that at me paying $60 a year, I still don't have access to the comment section underneath.
This fake headline that was generated by a user.
Come on.
That sucks, man.
It says there's like a little text box underneath this post for me that says, whoops, you do not have access to the comment section for the forum on your current plan.
You can visit Manage Billing to upgrade your plan.
And I didn't look, but I bet it's like fucking $120.
I bet it's just like double instantly.
Do you know what you did to be silenced?
Do you know what caused this?
Yeah, they're silencing your free speak.
This is why I thought I had had my account cancelled.
Because I couldn't comment on any of the actual Babylon Bee website posts.
I don't even know if it'll show me those comments anymore.
But no, that's just a higher tier.
I just have to subscribe more than $5 a month or whatever it is.
No, yeah, it's $5 a month.
That's wild.
I just pulled up the Babylon V right now.
I'm fucking blown away by how vile it is.
I cannot believe how nasty this shit is.
I'm actually genuinely shocked by it.
They have one on here.
Meet the one person who has never done a Hitler salute.
The implication being everybody does Hitler's salute.
Everybody does it.
You're lying.
I get really excited when I'm trying to express my joy to the audience.
I do it to my kids and stuff.
It was funny because I was trying to explain to my kids why everyone's mad at them.
I was like, I can't really show you because we're in the car.
If anyone sees me do this, it's going to be real hard to explain.
I can't even explain it to you.
Jesus fuck, man.
Oh, here's the difference in the pricing, by the way.
So it's $5 a month versus $10 a month.
So you're right, it's double.
Now, what you're not getting at your current level, you're not getting access to the Babylon Bee headline forum, free guide to the apocalypse book, and access to the January 6th movie.
Do you know about this?
Yeah, they recently released a January 6th movie.
And when I, I think it's like a documentary.
And when I logged in for the first time, you know, in like eight months or whatever, it was like, congratulations, here's the movie you logged in for.
And it just goes to the play, the like video page for their movie to play.
And like, they want you to watch this movie so badly.
So I haven't done it on principle, although it looks great.
Sorry, just scanning through the trailer, it also looks like it has elements of a mockumentary because there's reenactments that are meant to look funny and it kind of looks like a daily show segment where they had a little bit more budget.
That's right.
It's called the most violentest day in American history and it's like a satire about how actually it was all just nice and not bad.
Yeah, it looks good.
I forgot about that.
I forgot it was funny.
Maybe we should watch it.
Maybe we should.
It's probably good and satirical.
I heard they're pretty good at that stuff.
Have we considered that maybe the reason we're not enjoying social media like we used to is because we're not paying $10 a month for whatever we're using?
Maybe that's where the really good stuff happens.
Maybe that's where the good banter that we miss from the days of Twitter, maybe that's where it's really at.
You need to log in one time and scrape it and then cancel the account and then do the chargeback.
Yeah.
But there's new stuff every minute, so you never know what you're missing out on.
Here's another example of a really cool user-generated headline.
That sucks!
The Bat Knight says, Vance uses airboat and skills as a hillbilly to help Trump drain the swamp.
And there's an AI-generated image of him on a fan boat in a swamp that's in front of the Capitol building.
P.U. You know what's funny?
I think that the images AI generated, the swamp and the boat, but I still think that JD Vance's head was photoshopped on top of the AI image, which is beautiful.
Because there's no way the AI was going to get his face right.
No, you can't get that.
I can't do that.
I can't get that face right.
So bad.
You could have the swamp and the Capitol building, but a mutant with an ear for a nose, or you could have J.D. Vance's face, but the swamp is actually a tennis court or something.
Something else green.
I love it.
Yeah, I love it.
We all know.
Skills as a hillbilly.
We all know how big of a hillbilly he was, right?
That's one thing because he wrote that book called Hillbilly Elegy that was all about how much he loved being a hillbilly, if I remember correctly.
Yeah, that's exactly what it was.
There's a whole chapter on moonshine running.
It's like he's really into it.
The book is specifically about calling hillbillies pill-popping genetically poor freaks.
Yeah.
I love their grasp of this stuff.
William Rodham says, to compete with Justice KBJ's shell necklace, Thomas wears a necklace of M1 cartridges, Sotomayor a burrito necklace, Kagan, bagels, Kavanaugh, beer cans, comma, etc.
I love not being able to finish your own joke.
And you guys can do the rest.
We better hope they never start a podcast because we're toast.
This is genius.
This is good.
A burrito necklace?
This could be on SNL. If they had a conservative SNL, which they'll never do.
They should.
This could be on there.
He just went straight to the bottom of racism and still ran out of ideas.
Now, do you think that this is like a burrito pendant or just like a burrito that wraps around your neck?
Like a candy necklace but of a burrito.
That would be epic.
It depends on her culture, I guess.
What's most traditional.
It's so funny to know three guys in the Senate or whatever.
Can't name the other people.
There's nine of them.
You got plenty of space.
Do you have to pay more for more characters on there?
What's the hold up?
I don't think you're allowed to make fun of the Catholic one on the Babylon Bee.
Maybe there's more than one Catholic one, but that lady's Catholic, right?
I don't think you're allowed to say anything, but I don't know if you're allowed to touch that.
Also, how funny is a crucifix?
Like, oh, where's a crucifix necklace?
That's not a good punchline.
Totally.
That sucks.
Yeah, because that's normal.
That's not funny.
Yeah, the shell necklace is like Jackson wore a woven, you know, it looked like a collar.
It looked like the Supreme Court collar, you know, like RBJ famously wears and stuff like that, but it was made out of shells and it had all this historical significance for both Africans and African Americans and for women, too.
And so, yeah, this is the to compete with that.
I think like a burrito bagels for the Jewish one.
It's fucking crazy.
You ever see that clip of Elon?
He's like, you know what this is?
He's showing off his necklace.
You remember that old clip?
It was a couple months ago.
I don't think I've seen that clip.
The dog tag?
The dog tag, yeah.
He's obviously meant to be this touching story or whatever, but he's such a loser.
He can't even talk about it correctly.
Sucks so bad.
Skin crawl.
Well, because it was like an Israeli dog tag.
They gave him like an honorary kidnapping victims IDF dog tag or whatever.
It's cool when Conan does it, but not, you know.
Not when Elon Musk does it, man.
That pisses me off.
Oh, no.
Did Conan go to Israel?
Did Conan do Israel?
Yeah, but Triumph was there and he was doing some pretty funny stuff.
I don't really like this joke because honestly, as a black American, my life has gotten so much better since that shell necklace.
I don't really like that being mocked.
I think it's a great country to live in now as a black person because of that necklace.
If the burrito necklace is going to help out my brothers and sisters out there, bring on the burrito necklace.
Shit, I'll wear one.
I'll do that.
It sounds like, Tony, you're criticizing the Supreme Court justice for doing a performative gesture or whatever, but in the Vogue article I read, you may not have made this connection yourself.
It explicitly tied her this bit of activism to RBJs.
RBGs, rather, activism, where she would famously dissent whenever the Supreme Court legalized killing pregnant mothers or whatever.
She would famously say, I dissent from that.
So maybe you missed that significance, that it's also kind of a sign of dissent from how awful things are.
I didn't realize, because if it's also an homage to RBG, it's also an homage to the Notorious B.I.G., who I'm a huge fan of.
So I didn't see that.
Now I'm back on board with a shell necklace.
Let's go.
Here's another headline from Sharky.
Elon Musk's Roadster gets a parking ticket from Martian police.
That's fun.
That ain't hurting nobody.
Mr. Musk, that'll be 158 click clacks.
That's what they use up there.
That's what they fucking use.
Jeez, Louise.
That's funny.
You have to download an app also to pay a ticket.
Oh, God.
I can't get any Wi-Fi up here on Mars.
Don't make me download an app to pay a ticket.
Elon Musk intentionally gets 12 more Martian police tickets so he can wipe his bottom with them.
That's gotta hurt.
If you look...
Go ahead.
Sorry, go ahead.
No, I was gonna change.
So delusional.
It's so funny because like the roaster never even really came out.
Like that car never actually came out.
Because it's on Mars, Tony.
The only way that a Tesla car is going to get to Mars is if it explodes just right.
The only way it's going to get up there.
What are you talking about?
He has actual spaceships, you could have said.
I can see one of the goals of SpaceX is not just to facilitate low Earth orbit transfer of goods to try and get rid of trucking jobs or whatever.
I can see it also advertising dumping your trash on Mars.
And so, yeah, Tesla might very well end up on Mars.
I was looking at this avatar for Sharky, and I was like, is that Gandalf with an accordion?
It looks like it, yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
But with Saruman's face because it's AI. Yeah, some of the keys look like they're not quite lining up whatever you might expect.
That's because it's a steampunk accordion so it's kind of like you created using found objects.
That's badass.
How many times do you think we've tried this where it just came out as like a weird owl with a long beard?
Yep.
It's also got, like, a second keyboard, but not in the usual place that, like, an accordion would have a second keyboard.
It's, like, part of the middle of it or something.
Yeah, but you get the idea.
And it's cool.
It's cool.
The idea is cool.
Is this funny or cool, though?
I think maybe it's supposed to be funny because I think the accordion, unfortunately, has at least become, it's all a social construct, folks, but become one of the funny instruments.
It's pretty silly.
You just also don't understand the power of a wizard.
A wizard is not limited by the amount of keyboards.
They can play all the keys.
Because they're a fucking wizard, bro.
Yeah, totally.
That's true.
That's true.
Let me see.
I have more of these headlines.
I don't know how much more we can do.
This one was good, though.
Diane Hunter says, Baron looks forward to befriending Elon, who seems like the only normal person in Dad's administration.
This one is funny, right?
This one is funny, actually, yeah.
But is it intentionally funny?
I don't know.
I don't think they meant it the way it's funny.
It's so good, dude.
It's never been so apparent that somebody hates somebody.
He so clearly hates Elon.
He's so annoyed by his presence.
Well, there's also been plenty of speculation that Baron, being the next Ubermensch and the culmination of a line of supermen or whatever, he's autistic.
And so, of course, we know Elon is on the autism spectrum, so it just sounds like he's calling Baron and Elon autistic, which I think he just, like the guy who made Diane Hunter, I think she just actually thinks they're both really cool.
Did you just use a pronoun?
I'm sorry.
I caught him.
Oh shit, I just did it.
it fuck like of course elon looks normal to a freak like barrett I think if that was the point of the joke, it is funny.
Maybe Diane Hunter is like a double agent or something.
They're getting in there spending $120 and saying, now I get a couple of barbs off.
That's good.
That is good.
It's like one of the Democrats in the Fox News comment section.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wrecking shop.
Totally the FBI says, legend has it that the rats of Hamlin jumped into the river and drowned because Pied Piper played Baby Shark.
Oh, I hate that song.
It's so annoying.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wouldn't you stay out of the water if you thought there was a shark in there?
No, I think what it is is the song is so terrible.
They all committed suicide.
Yeah, they wanted to kill themselves.
Oh, okay.
I have a rat in the house.
Tony, you have a kid.
Maybe the song is too young for your daughter.
Is this a song that people are still listening to?
Or is this one of the last memories this guy was able to form was around the baby shark time period?
You know what's cool?
I can honestly say that my kid never really sucked.
She's never really been...
She's been pretty...
It might have just been me being an awful parent and being like, don't even play that shit.
How old is she?
She's 11. She's 11. Oh, no, no.
But I don't think she's going to revert to Baby Shark.
She's probably not going to go to Baby Shark, but there's going to be some new moves.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
For sure.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's okay.
Right now, we're very into Kendrick Lamar, and that's working for me.
Kendrick Lamar and Dochi.
That's who she's very into right now, so that's cool with me.
Get that shit out of my face.
I don't listen to kid music.
Never have.
Yeah, I don't know the continued relevance of Baby Shark.
Baby Shark's not in the meta right now.
No, I don't know what the...
I'm not sure what this is.
But also, this is the clearest example of somebody who's like...
Doing like the slice of life type of onion joke where it's like this is not a news tag on this one.
It's just like this is just a funny idea I had.
This is so funny because it's like you're writing the headlines which is you have to make it funny or whatever and then where do you go from there?
Are you writing a story about it?
So you're imagining the story.
What's the imagined story of this?
It sucks.
So the whole thing sucks.
There's no way for anyone to participate in it.
You know what I mean?
That's why I don't understand about this whole concept of the joke feed in here.
We get what the Onion does, right?
They sell the subscription.
Now they have subscriptions.
They're back, baby.
What is this?
Why would anyone look at this?
Doesn't the Pied Piper still accomplish his goal, too?
It doesn't divert from the story at all.
He's still accomplishing what he wants.
This story also hinges on the Pied Piper, not just the baby shark.
What do you need the Pied Piper in this joke for?
I do like, you know, Mike, you said, you know, what is this?
Or one of you guys said, you know, how am I supposed to engage with this or whatever?
There are two comments on this post that we can't read.
I can't read them, though.
I'm assuming there were other riffs.
Somebody adding on to the riff add-on.
I heard it was Taylor Swift, actually.
Yep.
We don't like her, do we, guys?
I heard it was Baby Shark and Doja Cat playing at the same time.
And then the Rats of Hamlin said, I gotta get out of here.
Yeah, that's how you riff on this joke, is you just change it.
Slot in your grievance.
I do have a rat in my house.
This little fucker.
I can't catch the mother.
I think maybe when this is over, I'm going to try blasting Baby Shark.
I'll see how that works.
I'll let you guys know how that goes.
You need to be the Pied Piper, though, because otherwise it doesn't make any sense.
It needs to be a flute rendition of it.
Please, no, Tony.
Do something humane instead.
Step on it.
Set out a really small handgun right next to it.
Play that song.
The humane traps are not working.
This fucker's smart.
I feel like I'm in a movie.
One time, I don't know if I've ever told this story on the podcast because it kind of sucks.
I'm not proud of it, but it's relevant.
I used those humane traps and they worked really well.
The one I had at least looked like a little hotel.
It was a long house.
This is exactly what they're warning you about on racist sides of the internet.
And it was like clear plastic and they go in to get the cheese or peanut butter at the back of the longhouse and then they trip the door shuts behind them and so they're just in there.
I caught one.
I had caught a couple and I caught one and I forgot about it and it was like by the heater.
And so it just, like, broiled to death.
I felt so fucking bad.
I was just like, well, I guess that cancels out the humane portion of this trap.
At least you didn't have to cook dinner that night, am I right?
Right, yeah.
I've been looking into mousetraps.
My friend, Timmy Lardner, said that they have one there that they go in and they have, like, a cattle gun thing.
Yeah.
Because she's in Australia, and it is an Australian product, and I looked it up.
It's, like, way more expensive here because I got to import it, but that's supposed to be humane as well, but I kind of want the one where they go in...
It still kills them, right?
It kills them, yeah.
It kills them, but...
Are you talking about an electric...
a stun gun or a bolt?
No.
No, it's a...
it bolts their head.
It's just...
does it just, like, crush their whole skull?
How big is the knob that comes...
I haven't, like...
We'll look at the After Effects, but that's the idea.
It seems like a giant weapon for a little mouse.
Yeah, they'd probably do a mouse-sized thing, but I kind of want the one that's like the laser grid from Resident Evil pops out.
I feel so good about that because they don't know it's coming so they don't get scared and they're just sliced up and they're dead.
I think that would be cool, but it's probably too expensive.
Yeah, they wouldn't even know it happened for several seconds afterwards.
Yeah, and if you could see it, they would do the thing where they go like, uh, did it get me?
And then they go like, you know, kind of funny.
And their mouth would probably still talk a little bit after it was segmented away from their butt.
Yeah, I don't feel so good, Mr. JF. Yeah, that would be funny.
I just put the Bluetooth speaker up to his hole and play some Justin Bieber.
Oh my God.
Oh my god.
Suicide.
Leave a little gun there.
Leave a little gun in the trap.
The speaker that plays Justin Bieber.
A small piece of rope.
I show the rat an image of how hot his grandmother looked back in the 70s.
And I'm like, this era is gone.
Oh hell no.
And then he kills himself and just only a couple female students.
Yeah, look what they took from you.
It's a hot rat.
Jesus Christ.
Hot rat?
Yeah, I think Alex had some of those too.
No, there is a good Frank Zappa album though.
Randy Newman re-releases 80s hit as, quote, I loved L.A. Yeah, cool.
Good slam on all those guys who lost their house.
What?
In those fires.
The original, as we all know, was about how much Randy Newman sincerely loved Los Angeles.
It wasn't a sort of ironic dig at the culture, the superficial Hollywood culture or whatever.
I like this one from SweetDarlinWelcomeWeasel.
So this is like the bot or at least the account that welcomes you when you join the message board for the first time, you know?
It's like, welcome to this user or whatever.
Oh, cool.
That's cool.
They do their own headline.
China tries new population control.
Drops rocket on populated region.
I don't know what that is.
Did China do that?
I think that was mostly America.
It was mostly a different country.
Yeah, when it comes to killing its own citizens, America's kind of the goat.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, we've been facilitating the fucking carpet bombing of one of the most densely populated areas on Earth.
Literally, for the last year.
I don't know.
These guys are so brain dead.
If you were able to click the comment, it would probably be some guy saying, I could see that happening.
Just a total fucking nothing.
No, it's probably a link to the Philly bombing.
It's for sure.
That's what it is.
Educate yourself.
That is like a big bugaboo on the right wing.
Bill Gates is trying to depopulate us.
Whatever.
They're trying to do Malthusian genocide on us or whatever.
While at the same time wholeheartedly endorsing wiping out other people just because they're Arab.
Just because they have cool land.
The absolute best wussy liberal thing that gets said but is true is that everything that they accuse someone else of that's an admission that they are doing.
And the liberals got hold of it, and they post it all the time, so I'm tired of looking at it.
But it just...
There's a huge hit rate on that with these guys.
Everything is a fucking projection.
Even the stupid little jokes.
He's like...
He's jerking off thinking about it.
That's what he wants to happen, but he makes it a joke.
God, it's so fucking crazy.
Their psychology is so messed up.
Yeah, it is the I wish LGBTQ would go to Gaza so the Arabs could kill them for me.
Wouldn't that teach them a lesson if we showed them how bad the Arabs are by doing the thing I've been, again, jerking off thinking about doing or whatever?
Yeah, totally.
And don't worry, Jesse, the right wing has also picked up that aphorism and they attribute it to Goebbels.
They're like, accuse the enemy of that which you are guilty.
So they do the exact same thing on the lib.
So it all kind of cancels each other out, I think.
Good, good, good, good.
Yeah.
This is the last one, the last fake headline from Atomic who says...
Trump says that it's okay if someone wants to work from home, period.
However, if they do, then their pay will be...
Every one of these words is capitalized.
Then their pay will be cut in half since they no longer have to deal with the price and aggravation of having to commute to and from their jobs daily, period.
Fantastic.
No notes.
You know he posted this from traffic.
He's so mad.
He's a school bus driver.
He's a kid's school bus driver.
You know, the logic here is impeccable.
First of all, that like, oh, well, you want to work from home?
Then actually, I'm only going to pay you half of your salary because the other half I was paying for was...
I was generously covering your commute here out of the kindness of my heart.
That's so funny.
Whose fucking job have they ever been paid for their commute to work?
I'm sure it happens, but never for me.
It's these welfare queens.
You don't understand.
They drive their car around.
They clock into their car.
They drive around, door dash, probably rap music too.
You know how it goes.
Come on.
This is the longest headline I think I've ever seen in my life.
It takes up four lines in a social media post.
What could you possibly cut out of it?
There's no way you can make an edit on this thing.
It's so tight and so funny.
What do you mean?
I love it's one long sentence and then another...
Incredibly long sentence with three different clauses in it.
However, if they do, you know how headlines sound like that sometimes?
Yeah.
Beautiful stuff.
So that's, yeah, the Babylon Bee social media fee.
So just $60 a year to sign up to get this sort of thing.
You guys got time for one more topic?
Yeah, please.
Okay, I promise you it's still very stupid.
Oh, man, I got a shout out who sent me this.
They posted it in the Facebook group.
I'll get that information later.
Hopefully I remember to do that.
Thank you to Jared from the Facebook group.
But a listener shared this Facebook post into the Facebook group.
It's from WGME CBS 13 News Portland.
Here we go.
This is some of that Portland shit we've been talking about.
Oh, it's Portland, Maine.
Yeah, but still.
That's where we were talking about.
It's all connected.
It's all connected.
I bet there's fucking coffee shops in Portland, Maine, too.
Oh, God.
And they probably play Baby Shark on the radio, too.
Bicycles.
Well, isn't Stephen King from Maine?
I mean, I'm surprised it took them this long to find a gay moose, which is what happened here.
Maine biologists identified this moose as intersex.
What?
Yeah.
I mean, I know Facebook has sort of let up on the censorship, but can we still type?
Can we really type this word on the intersex?
Yeah.
It says here the moose identified as moose slash moose is its pronouns.
That's great.
That's good because moose is like both singular and plural.
Great.
Maine biologists identified this moose as intersex, meaning it had both male and female sex organs.
The moose was shot in the Masardis area.
Quote, it was kind of a shock to see exactly what it was.
And then, yeah, the headline reads, Maine Hunter Harvest Intersex Moose.
And this has 1.1 thousand comments on it.
And you know those are going to be so good.
I would fucking hate to get shot in my Masardis area.
Fuck ass.
Like, the top comment, well, this wasn't the top comment, but one of the top comments was Barbara saying, nature is amazing.
Which, like, yeah, that's a fine sentiment.
You know, it's just amazing to us, you know, subjective human beings.
It's kind of nature just is.
A moose is amazing.
Full stop moose is amazing.
They're incredible creatures.
Those fuckers will just kill you real casually.
Yep.
Yeah, I was actually kind of, just back to the headline real quick, I was like...
I'm kind of surprised that moose are treated as game animals.
I thought they were too majestic for that, but I guess not.
They seem too beautiful.
It seems like shooting a horse in the head.
It's too crazy that anyone would do that.
It is cool, though, that a moose is probably one of the most dangerous animals that hunters will regularly hunt as a game at.
It will, and I hope, does fuck people.
I'm not necessarily against hunting for food or whatever, but moose...
I could get fucked up a little bit for that.
I'd probably be eating some tadpoles out of the swamp and shit before I went after moose.
Yeah, I'm not real worried about the moose stuff.
There's some listener in Maine right now that you don't understand what a pest they are.
They're always running through a house.
Yeah, I don't know.
I lost three children to feral moose.
Yeah, Barbara said, nature's amazing.
It had 49 reacts.
The top react was a thumbs up, but the second react was a laugh.
A laugh, yeah.
Just laughing at her being like, whoa, this is a cool thing in nature.
And they're like, ha ha!
You fucking woke-tard.
Yeah.
Deanna says, Deanna replies, it's a freak of nature.
And then Kyle, in a similar vein, says, people usually say this about a beautiful sunset or landscape, not a mutant.
LOL. So just like degenerating into X-Men villains before our eyes to harass a dead intersex moose.
To be that hateful for a dead moose or something.
About one of the things, by the way, that conservative people are supposed to have over the gay liberals is how much they love Like nature, right?
We fetishize Native American culture and stuff.
Remember that song?
Yes.
Yeah, that one.
My family, when I was growing up, they were like, oh, we're part Indian or whatever.
Of course.
I was going to say, I noticed your hair.
It's all fake.
Fetishizing of honor and stuff like that that they do.
It's nasty, dude.
I was a Boy Scout, so the fetishization of Native American culture is really wild.
I was doing some old pictures recently of my old...
Scout ceremonies.
It's just white men in headdresses.
It's so wild.
It's weird.
One of them is Chevy Chase.
Wow, that was okay.
Doing voices.
Doing a different voice to do it.
A good voice.
If it was your voice, it'd probably be great.
They're doing some impression.
I like how that's the stereotype.
They're kind of well-spoken.
They enunciate.
Yeah, there's some interesting stuff wrapped up in that, for sure.
I just, I can't, like on a story about hunting, and on a story about a rural wilderness creature, even the fucking bass pro freaks are like, ah, the moose was gay.
You can't tamp that down enough to not comment on it.
You gotta comment on it.
You just have to do it.
You have to click and comment on it.
Totally, absolutely.
Because you're so nasty, you just have to get it out.
Sick.
It's funny because they are so motivated by that because you remember it was like last year there was that two-headed calf that was born.
And it was like this beautiful two-headed calf and everybody was kind of moved by it.
It was like sad.
They were like, oh, he lived for another day.
It's so precious.
And it was like, we love that freaking nature, but this freaking nature implies that maybe nature has another option.
Where's the fucking moose cock?
I want to see it right now.
Give me the moose cock.
I want it.
There should be one cock and one pussy.
I'm going for it.
I'm not messing me up.
Whenever the blue lobster gets posted, they're not salivating over that one.
Fucking kill it!
Kill it!
I could see making a gay joke about the moon.
That's innocent enough, in my opinion, but to be like, it's a freak of nature.
It's performatively hateful on another level.
It's illogical.
These are the people who are like...
Christian, we love everybody.
It's literally natural.
I don't care what color you are.
Black, yellow, brown, purple.
I don't care what color you are.
I love it.
I'll treat you all the same.
You're out here just being so fucking nasty.
It doesn't mean anything.
It's fake.
It can't get more natural than this moose was intersex.
What could you possibly have other than that?
I'll never stop being surprised by it because it's so nasty.
Also, they killed it.
Like, what else do you want?
It's dead.
It's dead now.
You're celebrating.
You don't have to worry about this moose grooming your kids.
Like, it's fine.
It's dead now.
But yeah, it's natural.
And it's also, it's actually like exhibiting different sex characteristics.
This is not about gender.
This is not about...
Conservatives' confusion over gender being a social construct or whatever.
Biological sex is real.
They always carve out this exemption for intersex humans where they'll say, no, they're fine.
They're a freak of nature, but they're an anomaly or whatever.
They're not the same as a trans person or whatever.
Of course, we would treat those people with respect.
You didn't even treat this Facebook post with respect.
It's obvious where the hatred is coming from.
And I think a lot of people probably got shunted to this post through anti-trans groups who just don't know what the word intersex means.
And think it's a description of being gender fluid or something like that.
And so came to dunk on the gay moose and then maybe in the process realized or somebody told them or they read further and it was like, no, there's actual physical sex characteristics that are anomalous that are on this moose.
They had to change gears and be like, well, that's bad too.
I fucking hate that too.
Totally illogical.
So they didn't get embarrassed by their initial reaction.
I'm sorry.
All I'm seeing, the only physical traits I'm seeing are this moose is some green highlights in a septum ring.
Is that what you're referring to, Alex?
Yeah.
Some more replies here from, yeah, Deano says, it's a deformity.
It could have been born with two heads or other deformities.
It's rare, but it happens, especially with inbreeding.
Poor moose.
You think the moose were fucking their family?
Yeah.
I think it's good that the moose is dead.
Put it out of its misery of having both kinds of junk.
Don't moose have a biological imperative to not fuck the moose that they're related to?
Typically, most animals do, I think.
The only time you really see animal inbreeding is when we're doing it to these poor dogs.
Yeah, right.
When we make them do it, isn't that the only time that happens?
We force them to do it?
Hmm, okay.
Yeah, I like poor moose.
I don't know.
It sounds like it had a broader spectrum of other animals that it could fuck.
Yeah, what was the issue?
You think the moose was worried about its fucking clit and balls?
I don't think it's not.
Ah, what am I? It's walking around its fucking living room and then you just fucking blew its head off.
I mean, he knows it probably knew how to run right so its balls would slap its clit and just have a good time by itself.
That's what I'm talking about.
Hell yeah.
Here we go.
Here's some jokes here.
Gordon Price says, was he slash she wearing penny loafers or high heels?
You know how we're all wearing penny loafers, fellas?
You know what I'm saying?
The guy shoe.
Guys wear the penny loafers.
This is older than a baby shark reference.
Penny loafers.
This guy's gotta be 75. When was the last time you saw anyone wearing fucking penny loafers?
Let alone, like, if maybe they were, they didn't even call them penny loafers, I don't think.
Do you have a bowler hat or a corset on?
He's thinking about his archetype of masculinity and coming up with Felix Unger by accident.
I bet this moose had pink cufflinks.
Oh god.
Oh no.
It's funny because I've been in the market for some penny loafers and honestly the way I've been shopping about it is probably one of the gayest things I've been doing lately.
Alright.
So I don't know what that means.
Wait, what's the gay way to shop for shoes?
In person, where everybody can see how gay he is.
Holding another man's hand.
Mostly that's what's happening.
Having sex with another guy at the shoe store.
Just being very picky and very like, there's a particular thing I'm looking for in it.
You gotta have good shoes.
You gotta feel good in your shoes.
Shoes are important.
I don't know if you're gay.
You might just be a shoe sexual.
You know, with this fetish you got.
Yeah, shoe sexual.
That's good.
Harvey Woodcock.
Hold on, that's not the joke, guys.
That was funny, though.
It was probably reading to Younger Moose when it was taken.
Sad times.
And again, this is a point that's been made several times, but it's just funny to be like, I think that Moose was doing community service.
Sad.
Sad what we've come to.
This Moose is doing more for the kid than you ever have, and you're like...
Why wasn't it reading to adult Moose, huh?
Mark Bailey, this is where it gets good, folks, says, I saw this, sad to say, but results of Democratic leadership.
No way!
I was like, no, this has to be a fucking joke.
There's no way.
They're blaming the Dems for this.
And Marsha says, what?
Intersex Moose?
And Mark says, anyone can write an article and put whatever they want in it doesn't make it a fact.
Oh, we're denying that it happened.
Denying that it...
Ruthie says, how so?
And Mark says, the doctors were wrong.
They misidentified.
And Ruthie says, okay, thanks.
The idea is that Democrats made scientists too woke to where they made up invisible sex characteristics.
I heard about this.
I heard the Democrats were paying the scientists to misidentify the moose.
Yeah, like kickbacks or something.
Nancy Pelosi voice.
I have an idea, everyone.
Does anyone know any moose doctors?
It's like that.
It's like that.
Have you guys seen that French movie Brotherhood of the Wolf?
Uh, it's pretty good, but there's, they, they're like worried that there's a wolf terrorizing their village and it's like a, you know, a mythical beast.
It's, it's huge and it shouldn't exist or whatever.
Uh, and so they have like a guy who specializes, he's like a, he's like a anthropology, you know, an animal sort of anthropologist, but he also does like taxidermy and to introduce himself.
To this sort of like, you know, they're like lords or whatever.
He shows them the rare furred trout from Portland or Oregon or wherever.
And he passes it around and he's like, see, you know, crazy creatures can't exist and like yada, yada, yada.
And they're like, wow, this is phenomenal.
It's all just kidding.
You guys are all fucking woke and stupid.
This can't possibly exist.
The Democrats actually paid me to put fur on this trout.
And I think that's...
Maybe what Mark thinks is that some democratic scientist stitched a penis to a female moose.
He was thinking of the French movie he recently watched.
Also, to what end?
Hey, I would like to take my six-year-old for a gender-affirming surgery.
I have here a document about a moose.
To back me up.
My insurance has to cover it.
That's the thing.
A lot of these things just don't even make sense.
These Democrats do it because they just get off on it.
That's what it is.
It's a humiliation ritual.
It's meant to humiliate you.
You might have been a proud, upstanding American who could find a wife until you read this news story about an intersex moose.
It so thoroughly demoralized you, the next generation will be half the size of ours.
It's actually a pretty fucked up method because many people believe that when you hunt, when you take the life of a creature, you take on its spirit.
So what they were actually trying to do, they were trying to groom hunters.
Like, have you talked to this hunter?
Are they confused now?
They're doing gonzo activism by putting intersex moose in the forest for hunters to find?
Yeah.
That's pretty good, actually.
That just might work.
That's just crazy enough to work.
No, there is a reason why the Democrats are doing this.
But first, this sounds like a crazy theory.
The government is making the moose intersects.
Well, obviously, Alex Jones, as Big Indian Freeport says here, Alex Jones was right about the water and the frogs.
So that's kind of like why everybody, I guess, is primed to hate Black Like, it intersects creatures or whatever.
Because they're putting chemicals in the frickin' water that turn the frickin' moose intersects.
And yeah, Mantle says, and this is what happens when people, government, start playing God, dot, dot, dot.
Either with grazing, water, and so forth.
Dot, dot.
Welcome to the new world, dot, dot.
Yep.
I guess there was some negative aftereffects to Alex Jones' reign of terror after all, wasn't there?
Yeah, wow.
I almost forgot about that guy.
But yeah, he's coming back in little ways here and there.
DAC207 says, A true Jane slash John Doe must have been out during recess.
So once again, you see a story.
There's something weird about adult guys who are just thinking about kids in class all day, like what they're doing.
They're using these litter boxes now.
You hear about this?
Just fucking go do something.
The amount of time that's been wasted in comment sections on the internet from people who are just killing time at work or whatever.
We could have had bases on the moon already.
Or Mars, maybe.
People just sitting around doing this shit all day.
And not just talking about what kids are talking about at school.
I bet they're talking about Fortnite.
I bet these kids are talking about their genitals.
Doing this instead of talking to their kids.
It's like, just go talk to your kids and see what's up at the schools instead of just pontificating with other 50-year-old conservatives online.
If you're a reasonable parent, your kid will tell you what's going on at school.
It just never fails.
These people read anything about genitalia and they're all kids.
I'm thinking about children now.
Specifically about molesting them.
That's where my mind goes.
Normal guy on Facebook.
Clip that.
Don't clip nothing.
This is the last one, though, and this is kind of, it gets to the heart of the conspiracy.
Mantle says, government does not want you eating the meat, dot, dot, so they can control the food market, dot, dot.
Just look at what they are doing with farmers, comma, natural food sources, dot, dot.
Crazy, comma, never have I had a problem with wild meat, dot, dot.
This is wild meat, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Alright, cool.
Is the meat affected?
What are you talking about?
It's all tainted.
I'm hearing more meat.
I'm hearing more meat is what I'm hearing.
This is Fauci.
It stinks of Fauci.
It sucks.
The thing is...
If he wasn't talking about this, he's not wrong.
We've let the food system get out of control.
The stuff that they're feeding us is not good.
He's totally on to something here, but he's like, it's got to be about gay stuff.
It's got to be.
Somehow I'm going to make this about gay stuff.
It's so funny to be like...
To be like, the government knows how insecure I am about my sexuality.
If they make the food source even slightly gay or just ambiguous, they know I will starve to death.
Yeah.
I know that we're the only country in the world where you have to keep your milk in your fridge and can't eat raw chicken or whatever, but it's got to be because they're making us gay.
That's what it has to be.
I'm starting to feel the gay feelings already, actually.
That's taking effect on me.
I hate to say it, boys.
You had food today?
Shit.
I didn't mean to.
I was weak and I had a little bit of gay food earlier.
Was it a hot dog?
It was probably a hot dog, wasn't it?
I don't want to say what I did to it, okay?
But I'll just say I had it.
I had a couple, actually.
You will eat the super clit.
You will enjoy it.
You will own nothing besides both pairs of genitalia.
Yeah, alright.
Well, that's it for the intersex moose.
Shout out to the listeners who sent me this stuff.
Shout out to the Facebook group.
We got that up and running.
And we're doing stuff on Facebook again.
We're trying to see just how serious Facebook is about free speech.
So go ahead and follow Minion Death Cold on Facebook.
I'm back to posting on there.
But thank you to Mike and JF for coming on and doing the show, guys.
Love to have you here.
Hey, thanks for having us.
This is always fun.
Yeah, we'll have to have you guys back on sometime.
Maybe we can watch the...
No, we're not going to watch the fucking January 6th.
We're not going to fucking watch that.
We'll go with something less objectionable than that.
I don't think I could sit through that.
That's nasty.
It's just going to be too good.
What are we going to make fun of, you know?
That's always the fear when you start dealing with the Dennis Prager joint is that it's actually going to be pretty fucking good.
Let's watch the Matt Walsh thing.
Let's watch the Matt Walsh thing.
Oh, God.
No, I couldn't even watch Lady Ballers.
I don't know if I could watch Am I Racist or whatever.
God damn.
Maybe a Mel Gibson movie will come out soon.
We can watch that.
I mean, there's a Mel Gibson Mark Wahlberg movie coming out soon, but it might be good, actually.
Oh, fuck.
Mark Wahlberg saves a plane while having a skullet.
Okay, that sounds really good.
Wait, Mark Wahlberg's actually in a plane on a movie?
He's actually doing the plane thing?
Yeah.
He's preventing it from hitting the Pentagon.
A final culmination of a joke he posted while drunk or whatever.
This is great because they won't be hate crimes because they're actual terrorists.
Any hate crimes him or Mel Gibson are doing are not hate crimes because they're terrorists.
Because they deserve it.
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, if that fucking Asian guy had regained his eyesight, he would have been learning how to fly a plane.
Sure.
He would have been looking for another monument.
Yep.
Mark Wahlberg.
Everyone knows it.
What a great guy.
Anyway, yeah.
Okay, so tell people where they can find your stuff, what you do, guys.
Hey, yeah.
YKS, your Kickstarter sucks, is the name of the show.
We just recently went to CES, which was a lot of fun, and talked about some of the crazy tech we saw there.
Coming up, we've got a movie month for Arch coming out in March.
We will probably be breaking with tradition as far as my favorite movies and just sort of finding a theme and going with it, I think, this year.
We have officially run out of movies I like, and now we'll be talking about just movies that exist.
That's a great guest for that.
We've got Tony Hinchcliffe, Aiden Ross.
Chopping it up with him.
Yeah, we actually let those guys pick the movie, so it'll be interesting to see what they come up with.
Jesse, have you seen and do you like the movie Wanted with Angelina Jolie?
Wanted.
It's got the British actor who played Charles Xavier in the X-Men reboots.
What's his name again?
Oh, he's James McAvoy.
He is good.
Is this the bullet curving one?
This is the bullet curving.
Have you ever seen it?
I think I saw it when it came out and not since.
So I love to re-watch action movies that I didn't see because they were too bad to watch in the 2000s, but now they just look like masterpieces compared to everything else.
Somewhat unironically.
And so I go back and look at some of these movies and I started watching Wanted.
And it is one of the most male fantasy aggrievement special boy.
They took the premise of a special boy gets told he's special, but turned it into almost borderline incel.
James McAvoy is literally being cucked.
By his friend and co-worker, played by Chris Pratt, actually, I think.
And he gets to own his girlfriend when Angelina Jolie comes in in a panty and bras.
And she's dripping wet in this movie the whole time, isn't she?
I stopped watching.
I was like, I think we can watch this for the show.
And I mentioned something online or something like that.
And I distinctly remember somebody saying, that sounds like a Jesse Farrar movie.
Oh, that's a bummer.
You know what?
I'm now seeing that Common is in this movie whose music I have always enjoyed and whose work as an actor I find completely repugnant in every way.
Oh, you didn't love Lucky Number Slevin?
I didn't even know.
He's so bad.
He's ruining Silo.
He ruined John Wick.
He's so fucking bad.
I can't believe it.
It hurts to admit how bad he is.
He's so bad, man.
Look, the CDs were good.
The CDs were good.
That movie, Wana, was directed by a Russian guy who went on to direct Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.
Beautiful.
You know it's good.
Maybe it is good for me, yeah.
Well, thanks again, guys, for coming on the show.
I really appreciate you having here.
Lots of fun, of course.
If you want bonus episodes...
Go over to patreon.com slash minion death called p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com slash minion death called five bucks a month gets you access to all our previous bonus episodes hundreds in there for you to peruse as well as a new bonus episode every week and we thank you for the supporters people who help us do this show listeners people in the Facebook group and all y'all we appreciate you and we'll talk to you again soon bye peace Love
