Minion Death Cult - "Anyone who murders Kamala Harris would be an American hero" (preview)
Aired: 2024-09-19
Duration: 06:09


=== Jack Johnson's Comeback (04:31) ===

[00:00:01]  This is the shit, though.
[00:00:02]  Ralph regularly wrote Ukraine-related posts on Twitter, tagging everyone from pop singer Elton John to former congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard with harebrained schemes such as teaming up with Sean Penn to buy a MiG-29 from Poland to carry out a strike on Russian President Vladimir Putin.
[00:00:20]  Sean Penn would fucking do it.
[00:00:22]  Sean Penn's a real one.
[00:00:24]  Yeah, he would have done it for sure.
[00:00:25]  He would have diverted some of that water money and been like, nah, we need to do this.
[00:00:30]  We need to supply this guy with some heavy artillery.
[00:00:34]  Sean Penn would tie Vladimir Putin to a chair and beat that bitch senseless.
[00:00:43]  Uh, I, the, the Elton John thing is fucking amazing because yeah, he, he tweeted at Elton John as well as Dave Matthews band to perform a song he wrote for Ukraine called, uh, we are one.
[00:00:59]  Um, yeah, at one point he called on Dave Matthews band to perform a song for Ukraine, writing to the band in December last year, quote, we need an emotional tribute song for Ukraine as support stalls.
[00:01:09]  I have lyrics and music to We Are One to rally global support.
[00:01:14]  Please help me.
[00:01:15]  I live near singer-songwriter Jack Johnson and am sure he would help.
[00:01:22]  We were riding waves together yesterday.
[00:01:25]  He's already got the ukulele cover written.
[00:01:28]  And by like live near Jack Johnson, I think he means like I live in Hawaii, and if you live in Hawaii, you kind of live near everyone who lives in Hawaii, right?
[00:01:37]  Even if they're on a different island, it's still really close.
[00:01:41]  Imagine being one of these celebrities and like your Google Alert goes off and you're being like somehow implicated in a presidential assassination attempt.
[00:01:50]  Jack Johnson's like, whoa, whoa, hold on.
[00:01:53]  I'm all about banana pancakes.
[00:01:55]  Yeah.
[00:01:55]  Wow.
[00:01:56]  Things are out of my things have really turned upside down.
[00:02:00]  Hey, again, who called?
[00:02:03]  Who called the Jack Johnson?
[00:02:04]  Come back earlier this year.
[00:02:06]  Your boy right here called the Jack Johnson.
[00:02:08]  Come back.
[00:02:08]  And I think this is I think I'm right.
[00:02:10]  What do you mean you call the Jack Johnson?
[00:02:12]  Come back.
[00:02:13]  What do you like?
[00:02:13]  Like he's going to trend on tick tock level.
[00:02:16]  Come back.
[00:02:16]  People are going to love Jack Johnson soon.
[00:02:19]  I don't, I think millennials love Jack.
[00:02:22]  Millennials, Xers, like that's shit.
[00:02:25]  I think Gen Z is going to discover it and they need it.
[00:02:27]  They need something chill.
[00:02:28]  They need something chill that's not about anything except for hanging out with your bros and your babe and just like catching chill waves.
[00:02:36]  They don't need Jack Johnson to come back.
[00:02:39]  They have Chet Hanks covering Nirvana on acoustic guitar.
[00:02:43]  See, that's too emotionally like that's too emotional.
[00:02:46]  There's too much going on in any Nirvana song.
[00:02:50]  You know, like Jack Johnson is somehow so chill and never even mentions weed.
[00:02:55]  Hmm.
[00:02:58]  It's going to happen, I promise.
[00:03:00]  It's part of the Y2K resurgence.
[00:03:03]  I don't know.
[00:03:04]  I don't know if that level of... He was always adult contemporary to me, at least.
[00:03:12]  He was never popular.
[00:03:15]  He was never that popular.
[00:03:17]  He's always been the same level of popular to me.
[00:03:21]  He was huge.
[00:03:22]  I remember I specifically remember being on a date when I was like 15 with a girl who was driving a Roxy Edition Toyota Echo.
[00:03:30]  And you bet your ass we were fucking slapping some Jack Jay.
[00:03:36]  Uh, was the Echo the, like, wagon type thing?
[00:03:39]  No, it was just, it was the white coupe.
[00:03:41]  The white little, the white little sedan.
[00:03:43]  Oh.
[00:03:44]  And it just had, like, a roxy swirl wave on the side.
[00:03:48]  And I believe the interior was made out of, like, wetsuit material.
[00:03:51]  That's fucking crazy.
[00:03:54]  Yeah, it's it's it's a forgotten timepiece.
[00:03:56]  I think it was.
[00:03:57]  I think one day we're going to find one of those on like bring bring a trailer and it's going to sell for so much money.
[00:04:04]  I've seen the rip curl one.
[00:04:06]  Now that you mentioned this, the seat made out of wetsuit material reminded me I've seen the rip curl edition of some.
[00:04:14]  Uh, you saw the Rip Curl edition of the Nissan Frontier.

=== Ukrainian Jets Song (01:52) ===

[00:04:18]  That was always parking in front of my bakery that I just would lust over because it was so fucking sick.
[00:04:24]  That's the one.
[00:04:24]  I'd much rather have that than the Roxy edition toy.
[00:04:27]  Can you even get a surfboard in there?
[00:04:30]  Well, you can't.
[00:04:31]  It's not for you, bro.
[00:04:32]  This one's for the ladies.
[00:04:33]  Yeah.
[00:04:34]  And ladies love to ride four foot fish boards.
[00:04:38]  Yes, exactly.
[00:04:39]  They have to get slashy with it.
[00:04:41]  I'm just trying to imagine this song.
[00:04:44]  This We Are One liberal Ukraine song.
[00:04:49]  It's sad that we do have to imagine it and we can't just play it right now.
[00:04:52]  I wish we lived in a different timeline.
[00:04:54]  And it's like Elton John on piano.
[00:04:56]  Because he hit up Elton John to do this in addition to Dave Matthews.
[00:05:02]  But it's like a lib.
[00:05:03]  It's like a lib anti-Russia Ukraine song.
[00:05:07]  Uh, we are one.
[00:05:10]  Putin's little penis won't have fun when we blast those commies hotter than the sun.
[00:05:18]  Then like Dave Matthews scats for eight minutes about how much he likes eating Kamala's warm box.
[00:05:29]  He said, we're gonna wipe Russia from the back to the front.
[00:05:38]  Elton John's like, oh, this is weird.
[00:05:41]  Performing somebody else's lyrics?
[00:05:43]  I've never done this before.
[00:05:44]  I don't know if I can get in the right headspace for this.
[00:05:49]  I know some of you are Nazis, but I think you still have Moxie.
[00:05:53]  I'm friends with racist psychopaths.
[00:06:01]  There's something to do with jets you can do like... Ukrainian jets!
[00:06:09]  Ukraine!