Minion Death Cult - It just seems well below a higher threshold for sarcasm I expect from the Babylon Bee (preview)
Aired: 2024-01-18
Duration: 03:01


=== Based And Red-Pilled (02:25) ===

[00:00:00]  Um...
[00:00:02]  Diz Aved...
[00:00:06]  So this is somebody who liked the article and is riffing.
[00:00:09]  Disaved says, "Uh, yeah, and it is going to be the most based and red-pilled 7-Eleven... ever!" Period.
[00:00:22]  And then the next sentence is, "You break the Slurpee, you buy the Slurpee." That's...
[00:00:31]  That might be the lamest interpretation of based I've heard so far.
[00:00:37]  Like, what?
[00:00:41]  Based is when you break something in the store, you pay for it.
[00:00:44]  That's what based is.
[00:00:49]  Listen, I know you think that's a normal 7-Eleven, but they've actually abolished birthright citizenship within that 7-Eleven.
[00:00:56]  Yeah.
[00:00:58]  In that 7-Eleven.
[00:00:59]  If you're born there, it doesn't mean you automatically get to work there.
[00:01:02]  Yeah.
[00:01:03]  What are you talking about?
[00:01:07]  Are there political leanings when you go into your local convenience store?
[00:01:12]  Is that the way you're supposed to...?
[00:01:13]  What are they doing?
[00:01:14]  Or are you saying that they shoot you if you break the slurping machine?
[00:01:18]  I don't, I want to wait to even get to the slurpy part of this, but I'm still just like imagining a bastion.
[00:01:25]  Oh, oh, you want to go to the fucking gulp and go or whatever?
[00:01:31]  What is the gulp and go's stance on pronouns?
[00:01:35]  All right.
[00:01:36]  Cause I know for a fact this 7-Eleven will not serve you if you have pronouns.
[00:01:41]  This 7-Eleven has gendered bathrooms.
[00:01:44]  For no reason, it serves no purpose, but this one has gendered bathrooms.
[00:01:50]  Yeah, that's so funny.
[00:01:52]  Alright, yeah, no, but I love the rip.
[00:01:55]  You break the Slurpee, you buy the Slurpee.
[00:01:58]  How do you break a fucking Slurpee, man?
[00:02:01]  Oh my god, yeah.
[00:02:02]  What the fuck are you talking about, dude?
[00:02:04]  Jesus fucking- It's not even a Slurpee machine, it's just a Slurpee.
[00:02:06]  I just realized that.
[00:02:09]  You break the uh, what do you get at 7- you break the lotto ticket.

=== Two Elements Joke Rhyme (00:51) ===

[00:02:14]  You buy the lotto ticket.
[00:02:16]  You break the hot dog, you buy it.
[00:02:22]  What else would you, if not you're just stealing the Serpia I guess?
[00:02:27]  He literally just combined You Break, You Buy, which is another one of these from, you know, a joke from a movie or something, with the other thing he knows about 7-Eleven, which is Slurpee.
[00:02:41]  Yeah, so stupid.
[00:02:43]  I love it.
[00:02:44]  Like, you're performing what an AI does when it constructs a joke.
[00:02:51]  Yeah.
[00:02:52]  You know, you're just putting like two elements together.
[00:02:55]  It doesn't no rhyme or reason to it.
[00:02:58]  Yeah, Bronk could do better than this.
[00:03:00]  Do better than this.