Minion Death Cult - Why do we let Luddites run San Francisco, where the future is built (preview)
Aired: 2023-10-26
Duration: 06:41


=== Javelina Mayhem (06:33) ===

[00:00:02]  I just wanted to extend the heartfelt sympathy to Tony after seeing what those horrible javelina did to that beautiful desert golf course in Arizona.
[00:00:15]  Can you believe it, Tony?
[00:00:16]  I'm so sorry.
[00:00:17]  That was wild.
[00:00:17]  And what I will say is, yeah, they were right.
[00:00:19]  They're good.
[00:00:21]  We got shooters.
[00:00:22]  They were there for us.
[00:00:23]  That's a private golf course.
[00:00:26]  It's a private golf course, but I do not condone.
[00:00:28]  In the middle of Arizona desert?
[00:00:30]  In the middle of the desert.
[00:00:31]  I do not condone that either.
[00:00:32]  I like to play golf courses.
[00:00:35]  The thing is, I do like a golf course where there's some nature, where you get to see some animals.
[00:00:39]  So that would have been a cool thing to see in real life.
[00:00:43]  So, you know, yeah, yeah.
[00:00:45]  That's good.
[00:00:46]  That's good.
[00:00:46]  I'm happy they did that.
[00:00:48]  Do your colleagues at the Live Golf Tournament have any plans to eradicate this menace or prevent them from wreaking havoc on civilized society again?
[00:01:01]  See, the conflict here is that what they're trying to do is they're trying to get the javelina recategorized as a different species so that it's not a form of swine, because it is currently a form of swine.
[00:01:12]  So Live Golf can't really do much with that meat.
[00:01:17]  So they're trying to get it recategorized and they're petitioning a couple scientific boards to make that happen.
[00:01:22]  And once that happens, it's on and popping.
[00:01:24]  They're like, oh, we can't get rid of the pigs because of our religion.
[00:01:29]  Our religion forbids us to interact with the pig.
[00:01:33]  It's also just like a missed opportunity.
[00:01:35]  They can now sell these as curated javelina meat by Live Golf.
[00:01:41]  It would come to you in a subscription package.
[00:01:44]  They'll do a deal with Bespoke Post, and it'll just show up to men's houses.
[00:01:51]  I say you just let these golfers show their skill and try to take these bad boys out the old fashioned way with our white dimpled friend, the golf ball.
[00:02:03]  Yeah.
[00:02:04]  They make little golf balls that they explode upon impact.
[00:02:08]  I think we can maybe work with that to where maybe they'll explode upon impact of what it hits next.
[00:02:12]  So it'll be like one trigger, then the second trigger, and then it'll explode.
[00:02:15]  Double tap them.
[00:02:16]  Yeah.
[00:02:17]  Now, does that really exist or is that something you just made up right now?
[00:02:21]  No, the golf ball that explodes.
[00:02:22]  It's like a gag.
[00:02:24]  It's like you prank your friend.
[00:02:26]  Got it.
[00:02:26]  It literally has a bullet in it that doesn't have an actual.
[00:02:30]  It's just the shell.
[00:02:31]  Oh, that's cool.
[00:02:32]  And it just has that.
[00:02:33]  I've seen people do it, but I couldn't imagine me just letting somebody else take it.
[00:02:40]  Yeah, which way?
[00:02:41]  for me that I'm like, you see a little thing hanging out at the end of it.
[00:02:44]  I'm like, okay, let me just hit this.
[00:02:46]  And yeah, it sounds like a gunshot.
[00:02:48]  - Do I hit it on the side with the fuse or the other side?
[00:02:51]  - Yeah.
[00:02:52]  - Which way? - Yeah.
[00:02:54]  The tweet is from this account, MKC, who, yeah, shared video of just the totally destroyed golf course.
[00:03:08]  Like the image that I have that I'm showing Tony right now is like one of the lesser damaged areas of the golf course.
[00:03:14]  It just, it looks like, you know, just like big gophers, giant gophers took, took the whole fucking golf course apart.
[00:03:25]  Come along with me on my carnage parenthesis, I mean course check this morning.
[00:03:30]  What should be one of the most beautiful golf courses in the country is being destroyed by herds of javelina.
[00:03:36]  If anyone has a contact in AZ and Arizona state government that can help us find a solution, please pass it along.
[00:03:44]  They did that.
[00:03:45]  They literally passed a bill just in case 40 feral hogs come through your yard or Javelina come through your golf course.
[00:03:56]  You could have been open carrying here, but that's your fault.
[00:04:00]  This is... I don't know how else to say it.
[00:04:03]  This is a plague.
[00:04:06]  This is a righteous punishment from God for your hubris.
[00:04:14]  This monument to vanity you have in the Arizona desert is rightfully being returned to the natural creatures.
[00:04:24]  You know what's even more audacious?
[00:04:26]  The PGA is based out of Scottsdale.
[00:04:29]  Scottsdale, Arizona.
[00:04:31]  It has like one of the largest concentration of like professional golfers because they all just work out of there.
[00:04:36]  Oh, that's great.
[00:04:37]  Yeah.
[00:04:37]  That's where I'm retiring to.
[00:04:39]  Scottsdale is just like a giant parking lot, right?
[00:04:42]  Yeah.
[00:04:43]  Yeah.
[00:04:44]  It's literally just the climate is just the air conditioning from inside.
[00:04:47]  You don't go outside.
[00:04:48]  That's what I don't get.
[00:04:49]  Like, how are they golfing?
[00:04:51]  When are they golfing?
[00:04:52]  Because it must only be For like three months out of the year.
[00:04:58]  Well, see, I'm looking at this image.
[00:04:59]  You could take some of that cool mud that the javelinas dug up and smear it all over your body to keep balance your temperature while you play golf.
[00:05:08]  Yeah, not only are you pouring just millions of gallons of water down the drain.
[00:05:19]  You're also apparently using every pesticide known to man on the entire course and it's still... Highway Katrina!
[00:05:27]  Still not working.
[00:05:31]  Reply to this, are these areas not treated for grubs?
[00:05:34]  because what happens is the Javelinas, they dig for grubs, and that's why they destroyed this area.
[00:05:40]  And Em, the original poster says, we sprayed the entire course in April and August with high-rate Tetrino, Aloft, and Aceloprin.
[00:05:49]  We haven't found any grubs in any of the damage, just earthworms.
[00:05:52]  We've discussed Seven, or some other Carbarrel spray for the next season as well.
[00:05:58]  So I love, I love, well, we've examined the area, and we found yet another life form we need to kill.
[00:06:04]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:06:05]  They're like, it's actually not even safe for you to be out on the course for very long.
[00:06:08]  That's why we really take care of pace of play.
[00:06:11]  It's really important to us.
[00:06:12]  It's about your health.
[00:06:14]  We want to make sure our visitors don't just get skin cancer.
[00:06:19]  They need to get every other kind of cancer as well.

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