Minion Death Cult - My dog is very afraid of fireworks. He need to grow a set and get over it (preview)
Aired: 2023-07-06
Duration: 09:21


=== World's Tallest Flagpole (05:22) ===

[00:00:02]  Uh, plan to build the world's tallest flagpole, bigger than the Empire State Building, with massive American flag, divides tiny Maine town.
[00:00:14]  That doesn't even sound like real.
[00:00:17]  It sounds like a joke, but it clearly is real.
[00:00:21]  Well, this is the New York Post, sir, so of course it must be real.
[00:00:25]  Uh, yeah, the dude designed it.
[00:00:29]  With it to be 1,776 feet tall at sea level.
[00:00:31]  Yes!
[00:00:32]  Beautiful.
[00:00:32]  At sea level.
[00:00:33]  The actual height of it is far less, several hundred feet shorter, 1,461 feet tall.
[00:00:37]  But when you add in elevation, man, what a country.
[00:00:40]  level the actual height of it is far less several hundred feet shorter 1400 1461 feet tall but when you add in elevation uh man what what a country i'm reading here from the new york post a plan to build the world's tallest flagpole higher than the empire state building to hoist an american flag larger than a football field in the main wilderness has divided a small town close to its proposed site.
[00:01:10]  *Sigh* Can you believe the imagination on this guy?
[00:01:14]  What if... Okay, picture this.
[00:01:16]  You know the flagpole?
[00:01:19]  And then there's like there's like a flag on it, too.
[00:01:23]  Yeah.
[00:01:23]  What if it were big?
[00:01:25]  What if it were the biggest one?
[00:01:29]  I mean, that'd be pretty cool to have that claim to fame and so that people from like miles around would know how much you love whatever flag you're flying.
[00:01:39]  Yeah, I think it dude, he thinks it's going to bring in tourist revenue.
[00:01:46]  Yeah, that's pretty... The 1 billion dollars... Gotta go see it!
[00:01:50]  Sorry, go ahead.
[00:01:52]  Gotta go see the flagpole!
[00:01:54]  Gotta go take a picture with it!
[00:01:55]  It's so freaking big, I don't even gotta go to your stupid little town to see it!
[00:01:59]  I can see it from the next state over!
[00:02:02]  Moron, how are you gonna... I don't have to pay anything for tickets!
[00:02:06]  The $1 billion project, dubbed the Flagpole of Freedom Park, is intended to bring Americans together, remind them of the centuries of sacrifice made to protect our freedom, and unite a divided America, said Moral Worchester, founder of Worchester Wreath, a company that makes Christmas wreaths.
[00:02:27]  Instead, it has split residents of Columbia Falls, a town with a population of just 485 people, closest to the plot of land where the immense flagpole would be erected.
[00:02:39]  Man, I love it.
[00:02:39]  It's kind of nice to have enough people to like ask every single person if they're down with it or not.
[00:02:43]  Totally, yeah.
[00:02:44]  You can actually, you know, take a poll.
[00:02:46]  Oh.
[00:02:47]  Maybe they don't want to take a poll.
[00:02:53]  Hey, I notice we're more divided than ever.
[00:02:57]  That's why I wore my American flag Speedo and am rhythmically shaking my crotch in your face to bring us all together.
[00:03:09]  To salute that, because you're a patriot.
[00:03:11]  I noticed, you know, just, man, it's never, we've never been so divided.
[00:03:15]  That's why I built a giant homemade Uncle Sam that, you know, screams the Star Spangled Banner out of his mouth for 24 hours of the day.
[00:03:27]  Yeah, I thought this was going to bring people together.
[00:03:30]  And what's crazy is that, you know, people who claim to be patriots are even against this.
[00:03:37]  So many people hate this, dude.
[00:03:39]  Everybody in the New York Post comment section is like, listen, I'm an American as they come.
[00:03:45]  I'm patriotic.
[00:03:46]  I have my own flag that I raise and lower every single day.
[00:03:52]  And this is, this is insane.
[00:03:54]  It's not even a small one.
[00:03:55]  It's a pretty big, considering the size of my house.
[00:04:00]  Let me read more from this story.
[00:04:01]  Instead, it is split residents of Columbia Falls.
[00:04:04]  That's the town.
[00:04:04]  Again, this is like the middle of nowhere.
[00:04:06]  Residents have debated whether the flagpole, which would be visible for miles, would spoil the gorgeous natural landscape and have questioned its environmental impacts.
[00:04:17]  The project has also faced backlash at a time when the American flag itself has become so politicized.
[00:04:26]  It's been pretty politicized like for a while, right?
[00:04:29]  I think it's been a minute.
[00:04:30]  I think it's always been politicized maybe I mean at least since 2001 Yeah, I mean it's like a political item.
[00:04:41]  I don't I don't know how I don't know how better to explain it to you like it's I It's an item representing, like, a political body.
[00:04:52]  The flagpole would stand 1,461 feet tall, seven feet taller than New York's Empire State Building.
[00:04:59]  Okay, well, at least I can commit suicide off of it.
[00:05:03]  Yeah, I was going to say, that's kind of cool.
[00:05:04]  Can we like, I was going to say, can we like bungee jump off it or like set up one of those giant swings or it's got to be something to make it a tourist thing because just a flagpole is not enough.

=== Veteran Firework Wreaths: A Gimmick? (03:51) ===

[00:05:13]  Oh, just wait.
[00:05:14]  Just wait till the tourist idea comes in.
[00:05:16]  Oh, hell yeah.
[00:05:17]  And including elevators to bring visitors to observation decks where they could experience stunning views of vast green clear into Canada.
[00:05:25]  Not if the fucking flag's in their way!
[00:05:27]  What are you ta- Yeah!
[00:05:29]  But um, I, this is actually like, sure, that could be an attraction.
[00:05:34]  Fucking ride something, you know, 1.5 thousand feet into the air.
[00:05:41]  and get a view of like natural.
[00:05:43]  Yeah, sure.
[00:05:43]  That's great.
[00:05:44]  What the fuck is the American flag doing here?
[00:05:46]  You're such a nerd.
[00:05:47]  You're like such a boring dork.
[00:05:50]  But the colossal scale of the project doesn't stop there, Tony.
[00:05:54]  Worcester also envisioned a village with living museums telling the history of the U.S.
[00:06:00]  through veterans eyes.
[00:06:04]  Through veteran's eyes.
[00:06:05]  Yeah, so one thing you may not know is this Worcester Worcester wreaths.
[00:06:13]  They are like they're a gimmick wreath.
[00:06:17]  They, you know, they give money to the vets.
[00:06:19]  They have like a nonprofit.
[00:06:21]  They're all there.
[00:06:22]  They're like, OK, whatever, you know, Black Rifle Coffee Company, but for wreaths.
[00:06:28]  But they've been, they've been around for a while.
[00:06:29]  I, you know, this is like a- I think I know who you're talking about now, Evan.
[00:06:32]  A main- Well, they're like, we give, we give a vet a wreath for every wreath that we give a vet a wreath so they can have the smell of fresh pine.
[00:06:39]  There is a bunch of those wreath companies.
[00:06:43]  Is there, is there a firework company that I could buy the fireworks to support the vets?
[00:06:49]  Is that, is that out there?
[00:06:52]  I bet there is.
[00:06:53]  I bet there's, like, performative veteran firework companies.
[00:06:59]  Yeah.
[00:07:01]  They have one.
[00:07:01]  They have, like, a really nuts one that's called Stolen Valor that's, like, so nuts you might be able to get PTSD just from it.
[00:07:11]  I'm looking, I typed in vets for fireworks.
[00:07:14]  I want to see if there's any, like, organization around veterans supporting fireworks.
[00:07:23]  It's just gonna be sad.
[00:07:24]  It's all, it's all about, uh, pets.
[00:07:26]  How to keep your pets safe during fireworks.
[00:07:28]  See, wow.
[00:07:30]  Catering.
[00:07:30]  Vets, veterinarian, yeah, okay.
[00:07:34]  Now, we need to start a movement of veterans who are okay with fireworks.
[00:07:40]  I bet I can, I bet I can get a Facebook group going.
[00:07:44]  Oh, absolutely.
[00:07:45]  I'm a veteran and I love firearms.
[00:07:51]  Be like, I never, I never, I never saw combat or anything, but like I'm still a vet and I like, I think they're pretty pretty.
[00:07:59]  I think they're, I think they're pretty.
[00:08:04]  Yeah, but so they're like a gimmick, you know, wreath company.
[00:08:07]  So this is part of the gimmick now.
[00:08:09]  We want to create a theme park for veterans.
[00:08:16]  Hell yeah.
[00:08:20]  There are plans for a 4,000-seat auditorium, restaurants, and a monument wall with the names of every dead soldier dating back to the Revolutionary War.
[00:08:32]  About 24- Do they know how many that is?
[00:08:34]  Do they know that, like- He says right here, about 24 million names.
[00:08:40]  But I don't think that's right either.
[00:08:42]  I don't think there's 24 million- I don't think so either.

=== Price Break for Bonus Content (00:35) ===

[00:08:46]  War dead?
[00:08:47]  This just gets more and more ambitious.
[00:08:49]  Like- If we didn't believe in the flagpole, I definitely don't believe in you getting 22 million names.
[00:08:59]  What the fuck is this grift?
[00:09:01]  And it's like, well, you like the flagpole, right?
[00:09:03]  Oh, well, there's a price break.
[00:09:06]  If you add a 4,000 seat auditorium to the flagpole, it's actually cheaper in the long run.
[00:09:12]  It's cheaper per unit.
[00:09:14]  Help us do the show for only five bucks a month and you'll get two bonus episodes every week, including a live stream with listeners every Saturday.