Minion Death Cult - Divorce happens. It doesn't even sound like it was his choice. (preview)
Aired: 2023-04-27
Duration: 05:04


=== Steven Crowder's Divorce (04:18) ===

[00:00:03]  Some of the some of the bigger news going on right now, which is, of course, Steven Crowder getting divorced.
[00:00:11]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:00:12]  Pretty, pretty huge news.
[00:00:13]  Did you hear about this, Tony?
[00:00:14]  I don't know if you felt.
[00:00:16]  I felt the disturbance in the force.
[00:00:20]  Mm-hmm.
[00:00:20]  There was just a huge wash of divorce guy energy that I felt pulse through the universe.
[00:00:27]  And it was it was this.
[00:00:28]  Yeah.
[00:00:29]  Going on your right wing masculinity.
[00:00:32]  Oh, he he didn't.
[00:00:33]  He's not wearing the holsters.
[00:00:34]  Wow.
[00:00:35]  He put away the holster.
[00:00:36]  He's in more clearly in mourning.
[00:00:37]  He's not wearing the shoulder holsters in this.
[00:00:39]  I fucking bet she took the holsters.
[00:00:42]  He's in Texas.
[00:00:42]  He's he's fucked.
[00:00:44]  She's going to take all the holsters.
[00:00:47]  Yeah.
[00:00:49]  Yeah, here's Steven Crowder on his show announcing how divorced he is.
[00:00:56]  I have been living with a proverbial boot on my neck for going on years now.
[00:01:02]  Oh shit, is that why he was in the hospital?
[00:01:05]  Yeah, I think that's what it was.
[00:01:06]  His wife stomp out his neck finally?
[00:01:09]  Yeah.
[00:01:14]  With a proverbial boot on my neck for going on years now.
[00:01:21]  Since 2021, I've been living through what has increasingly been a horrendous divorce.
[00:01:27]  Now let me say on the outset to be clear, Normally, you know, wouldn't really make fun of somebody for divorce.
[00:01:35]  You know, it happens.
[00:01:38]  It's a good thing, oftentimes.
[00:01:41]  It's an even better thing if you're divorcing a right-wing failed comedian pundit.
[00:01:49]  I don't know anything about his wife.
[00:01:52]  Um, but we do know so much about him and like, it's just unfortunate for him that all I'm thinking is like, good, good for her.
[00:01:59]  Yeah.
[00:01:59]  Like just, I'm, I'm sure not being around him as an upgrade.
[00:02:04]  Also, if it's taking years, um, I, that means, I think that means he's making it difficult, right?
[00:02:12]  If it's taking years.
[00:02:13]  Yeah.
[00:02:15]  It's so, it's so horrendous because I won't stop leaving voice messages on, on her email or sorry, her voicemail.
[00:02:24]  I won't stop sending her a text messages and like photos of the children.
[00:02:32]  I will read her tell all book.
[00:02:34]  I will.
[00:02:34]  I'll read that myself.
[00:02:37]  There is no infidelity, any kind of physical abuse at all on either side.
[00:02:42]  And no, this was not my choice.
[00:02:46]  My then wife decided that she didn't want to be married anymore.
[00:02:49]  All right, really funny now.
[00:02:51]  Okay, now it's back to being super funny.
[00:02:56]  And in the state of Texas, that is completely permitted.
[00:03:00]  It's been the most heartbreaking experience of my life.
[00:03:03]  What I consider to be... I thought Texas was supposed to be a free state.
[00:03:08]  Texas is supposed to be a free state and yet they'll let your wife leave you.
[00:03:14]  Where can we even make it till they can't leave us anymore?
[00:03:18]  What state can that happen at?
[00:03:20]  Does that state exist to where it's like, too bad babe, you're stuck with me?
[00:03:25]  See, no fault divorce is the type of divorce they allow in Texas, where nobody's at fault.
[00:03:31]  You can just file for divorce.
[00:03:33]  You don't have to get the other party's permission.
[00:03:35]  I don't know what the other kind of divorce is called.
[00:03:38]  What's indentured servitude?
[00:03:41]  I think it's called, um, her fault divorce.
[00:03:44]  There's no fault.
[00:03:44]  And then there's her fault divorce.
[00:03:46]  That was like a staple of eighties and nineties.
[00:03:49]  Uh, I dunno if rom-com is the right word, but like family movies where, uh, the father would refuse to sign the divorce papers.
[00:04:01]  Yeah, but he was kind of the champion.
[00:04:04]  He was probably who we were supposed to be rooting for.

=== Rest Assured, I Won't Change (00:56) ===

[00:04:07]  He's like, I'm not signing these papers, I still believe in love.
[00:04:11]  Right, or like judges would do that.
[00:04:13]  Judges are like, I sentence you to a two week marital vacation.
[00:04:19]  Yeah, without the kids, you're going to have to hash this out.
[00:04:26]  I believe if I can just point over to Exhibit A, which is a stack of, you know, 200 papers of all the gay jokes my husband has been making at me for the last three years, you might reconsider your sentencing.
[00:04:42]  My deepest personal failure, and just so you know, my opinions on parenting and families have not changed.
[00:04:50]  I have not learned anything from this.
[00:04:52]  Rest assured, audience, I will not be becoming a better man.
[00:04:56]  Help us do this show for only five bucks a month, and you'll get two bonus episodes every week, including a live stream with listeners every Saturday.