Today: the Taliban calls for Andrew Tate's release, citing his opposition to demonic force of feminism and a new trend is sweeping the nation: calling the police on dollar bills. An elderly facebook couple has all the info and finally! A facebook pastor with common-sense sermons about jeans and movie's Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). That's TWO bonus episodes a week. Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult
Weed doesn't give you happiness, it gives you demons.
Stop it.
Victor Edet on December 19th says, PASTORS!
So Pastor apostrophe S. Please stop your congregation from wearing crazy jeans.
Crazy jeans is a sin.
It is not of God.
I want to go ahead and agree with my guy here again.
I do think we need to do away with crazy jeans.
They're so fucking crazy dude, why?
Why are you so crazy?
Is he talking about JNCOs or is he talking about, like, tight jeans?
He's talking about the JNCOs that have, like, a flame embroidered all the way up.
There's no need to carry a two-liter bottle in your pocket.
You shouldn't be able to fit a two-liter bottle in your pocket.
Sorry, if you drink Fanta... If you drink, uh... Faygo?
Faygo.
Thank you.
If you drink Faygo, you will grow up to be a prostitute.
The crazy jeans like I saw some jeans the other day and they like had some fucking um he had some flames on them it's like some green flames on them there were some jeans were these jeans were crazy yeah I saw some jeans I saw some jeans and they were baggy you know like JNCOs and they had just three pinstripes up the side
uh like a like a 1960s woody surf woody surfboard longboard and these weren't so crazy that's kind of like a lame thing to do on your jeans still not of god still not still frowned upon still a sin yeah yeah like you know there i know there are dragons in the bible but having a dragon going down the thigh of your of your jeans not okay what if he's talking about like a um
Expensive, like salvaged jeans, like Japanese denim, like really, really exuberantly priced denim.
He's like, you've got to stop spending $700 on jeans.
Yeah.
These jeans are telling your congregation to stop buying high-end denim.
I agree with that.
Spending that much on jeans is a sin.
They are staining the pews.
The pews are dusted with indigo.
It is a fucking mess.
Please stop buying these crazy jeans.
Listen, just buy some 501s.
Wear them wet.
We'll put down plastic sheeting on the pews just for you.
It gets such a good fit when they dry.
If you don't have a tub, you can use our cold soak tub.
It's fine.
We'll provide the ice.
We can do a shrink.
We will do an in-house shrink to fit baptismal.
Shrink to fit in holy water?
Yeah.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
But besides that, no more.
Only 501s and no more crazy jeans.
Imagine getting fit, getting fitted up by the world's greatest tailor.