Minion Death Cult - Splitting is a behavior of girls, usually taught by their mothers (clip)
Aired: 2021-05-28
Duration: 04:56


=== Employees and Their Roles (03:47) ===

[00:00:00]  We've had the know-it-all, the complainer, whiner, lazy, manipulative, roamers, hiders, absent or late, liars.
[00:00:12]  It's kind of rhyming here.
[00:00:15]  I identify with so many of these two.
[00:00:19]  You're like, yep, yep, ding, ding, ding.
[00:00:22]  Damn, alright, so I wouldn't last long here, you're right.
[00:00:26]  Check, check.
[00:00:29]  Uh, I like the idea that, like, uh, he's talking about manipulators.
[00:00:34]  Like your, like your employees are manipulating, like they're gaslighting you.
[00:00:38]  I feel like that just means they had a crush on an employee once.
[00:00:44]  You know?
[00:00:44]  Yeah.
[00:00:45]  Yeah.
[00:00:46]  You came in and you look so pretty every day.
[00:00:48]  And I knew that, you know, no one comes in the store.
[00:00:51]  You know, it's only me.
[00:00:53]  I knew, I knew that something was going on and you took advantage of that to go home early.
[00:00:58]  Yeah, you were wearing those clothes.
[00:00:59]  You were wearing those shirts.
[00:01:01]  You know what you were doing.
[00:01:02]  And because of that, I let you hang out at the front counter the whole day.
[00:01:09]  And that's not fair.
[00:01:10]  That's manipulative.
[00:01:14]  Only so much candy can fall off the truck, okay?
[00:01:20]  Manipulative.
[00:01:21]  Roamers.
[00:01:22]  Hiders.
[00:01:22]  I identify with the hider.
[00:01:24]  That's a sick place to be.
[00:01:27]  Well, I think a roamer evolves into a hider.
[00:01:32]  You usually try to look busy, and then you figured out you can just go somewhere where no one can see you.
[00:01:37]  Totally.
[00:01:38]  Yeah, the hider is the roamer who got smart.
[00:01:41]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:01:42]  There's more people he doesn't like in this list.
[00:01:45]  Employees, rather, not people.
[00:01:47]  Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that employees were people.
[00:01:51]  Roamers, hiders, absent or late, liars, Haters, clock watchers, willful controller, passive aggressor, puker, parentheses, I'll explain in a moment, and worst of all combined, the splitters.
[00:02:10]  The Splitters!
[00:02:11]  So this is like, I mean I've been in like Small Business Tyrant Facebook, I've been in like, you know, Worker Mindset Facebook.
[00:02:24]  I haven't heard a lot of these terms.
[00:02:26]  I think he's got his own lexicon.
[00:02:28]  I think he's got his own taxonomy of employees at Goods Candy Shop.
[00:02:33]  I think he's like, He's like Ignatius J. Reilly in Confederacy of Dunces, where he has his own science of masturbation.
[00:02:46]  This guy has his own science of categorizing employees that I kind of appreciate.
[00:02:53]  Yeah, he's learned in it.
[00:02:55]  He's really taken a study approach to it.
[00:02:59]  A scholarly approach to it, for sure.
[00:03:01]  To his small business, yeah.
[00:03:03]  Yeah, I like Clock Watcher.
[00:03:05]  Like, the clock, like, oh, oh, so you think just because your shift ends at six, like, that's when you can leave?
[00:03:13]  Yeah.
[00:03:15]  Like, what's the Clock Watcher other than that?
[00:03:17]  I can't... Yeah, literally looking at your watch.
[00:03:21]  You know?
[00:03:22]  I do like haters, though.
[00:03:23]  Haters is a good one.
[00:03:25]  If you're not a hater, I don't want... I want all my employees to be haters.
[00:03:30]  Splitters are the worst of all.

=== Generation of Splits (01:23) ===

[00:03:32]  Worst of all combined are the splitters.
[00:03:36]  What's the splitter we're talking about?
[00:03:38]  Splitting is a behavior of girls, young mostly, but not always, usually taught by their mothers.
[00:03:48]  This isn't... It's a trait that's been handed down generation from generation.
[00:03:53]  This is the person who talks about others in an attempt to split people apart and feel better about themselves.
[00:04:01]  You know, quote, so-and-so said this about you and I couldn't believe it.
[00:04:06]  So-and-so is so stuck up that she thinks she's better than us.
[00:04:13]  And so it goes.
[00:04:15]  This, my friends, is poison in action.
[00:04:18]  These misguided gals have no end game.
[00:04:22]  It's just spreading and stirring all the while believing they are innocent.
[00:04:27]  It's such a common thing among girls.
[00:04:30]  This is where toxicity and drama find their roots.
[00:04:34]  There it is.
[00:04:35]  There it is.
[00:04:36]  So it's like, I just wanted to apply for a job.
[00:04:38]  I was just looking at various candy companies' Facebook pages, seeing who was hiring.
[00:04:44]  Now I'm getting a lesson about life and genders and how girls are bad.
[00:04:49]  And it's like, wow.
[00:04:50]  Thank you, Goods Candy Shop.
[00:04:53]  I just love that some teenage girl just made fun of him so much.