Minion Death Cult - Real Americans don't need the 2K dollar welfare check (clip)
Aired: 2020-12-24
Duration: 04:13


=== Marry and Raise (02:23) ===

[00:00:00]  Cerise Rowan, again, in a different reply, says, I'd like to see more responsibility.
[00:00:04]  Remember, this is about abortion.
[00:00:06]  I'd like to see more responsibility.
[00:00:08]  What if men took responsibility for unwanted babies?
[00:00:12]  These women have proven what they will do.
[00:00:15]  So men, you tell the gal who is coming on to you in a bar, But, I have values.
[00:00:23]  No abortion.
[00:00:26]  If you get pregnant, we marry and spend the rest of our lives together being good, responsible Christian parents.
[00:00:34]  Right?
[00:00:38]  This rocks.
[00:00:39]  That rocks so hard.
[00:00:40]  If you have a problem with abortion, I 100% support you.
[00:00:46]  Of course you do.
[00:00:49]  You should tell every single woman you meet that you think is flirting with you that if you get her pregnant, she is not allowed to have an abortion.
[00:00:59]  Yeah, I won't allow it.
[00:01:01]  Listen, once I knock you up, you are us now.
[00:01:08]  So, we're going to get married and you're going to carry the term.
[00:01:12]  Um, okay.
[00:01:14]  I was just asking if you wanted a hot towel for the flight.
[00:01:19]  Yeah, I'm saying if in the process, you know, the condom fails and you get pregnant, I'm going to go talk to your father.
[00:01:29]  I'm going to ask for your hand.
[00:01:31]  That's a formality.
[00:01:33]  That's a formality.
[00:01:34]  I'm doing that out of respect for your dad because I'm a dad now and I understand what it's like.
[00:01:41]  I love just like, uh, listen, um, okay.
[00:01:46]  Like I know you, you wanted to know what kind of drink I want.
[00:01:50]  Yeah.
[00:01:52]  I want a little drink called monogamy.
[00:01:55]  Yeah.
[00:01:56]  I want a drink called the nuclear family.
[00:01:58]  You know how to make that one?
[00:01:59]  That's what I'm looking for.
[00:02:01]  She's like, I'll get a water for you.
[00:02:06]  I'll give you a few moments to decide.

=== Oh, You Want a Third? (02:04) ===

[00:02:09]  He's like, yeah, I thought so.
[00:02:11]  No one knows how to make those anymore.
[00:02:12]  I like the good old days.
[00:02:18]  That's great.
[00:02:18]  What a good suggestion.
[00:02:20]  Monogamy is as popular as, like, drinks of the past.
[00:02:24]  Like, no one orders a monogamy, no one orders a surfer on acid.
[00:02:28]  It's just like, they're gone.
[00:02:30]  The trend is over.
[00:02:32]  Sex on the beach?
[00:02:34]  What about a wedding in a church?
[00:02:37]  Yeah, how about that?
[00:02:38]  How about the Holy Spirit being involved?
[00:02:41]  How about that?
[00:02:43]  Oh, you want to look for a third?
[00:02:45]  Yeah.
[00:02:48]  Yeah, I know a third called the Holy Ghost.
[00:02:55]  I know just the guy and he's been here the whole time.
[00:02:59]  Um, people were like, uh, Oh, this guy who did the abortion tongs on top of the Christmas tree, which is like stupid, like whatever.
[00:03:10]  It's not that big of a deal.
[00:03:11]  It's like corny.
[00:03:12]  It's like office humor to me.
[00:03:13]  It's like putting a stapler at the top of your tree, your Dunder Mifflin themed party or whatever.
[00:03:18]  Like, um, Somebody was like, oh, he like, he needs to be reeducated or he needs like therapy or whatever.
[00:03:27]  So it was like, oh, you give him too much credit.
[00:03:31]  Like he needs a bullet.
[00:03:32]  He doesn't need therapy.
[00:03:34]  He needs a bullet.
[00:03:35]  Um, they're like describing like what kind of person he is or whatever.
[00:03:38]  And Linda Lammers says quote it.
[00:03:43]  So like hit instead of him, they're saying it.
[00:03:47]  Oh, okay.
[00:03:48]  It is dirty!
[00:03:50]  Dash, dash, dash.
[00:03:51]  Unclean in spirit!
[00:03:53]  Dash, dash, dash.
[00:03:54]  A demonic entity!
[00:03:55]  Alright.
[00:04:00]  Pure evil.
[00:04:01]  Yeah.
[00:04:01]  Pure evil here.
[00:04:02]  That was actually the only way they were able to touch the Christmas tree was with the abortion tongs.
[00:04:10]  That's how they decorated it.
[00:04:12]  They couldn't make contact.