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March 16, 2020 - Minion Death Cult

01:18:23

getajobvirus

This week it's the wackiest takes about Coronavirus your uncle's facebook feed has to offer. Support the show and get a bonus episode very week at www.patreon.com/miniondeathcult.com Support the effort to reclaim unoccupied homes in Los Angeles at http://reclaimingourhomes.org California Ground Game coronavirus mutual aid fundraiser: https://www.gofundme.com/f/covid19-mutual-aid-network Music: Ted Poor - New Wonder

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	The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
	We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
	It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
	Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when the people are going to get you.
	Follow their environment, stay tuned.
	Oh, tight.
	No, I've been recording this whole time, so you got a little extra...
	I should chunk there.
	Okay, cool, yeah, I got stuff to play with.
	I might put it throughout the episode.
	I'll be going, oh shit, what happened?
	Oh no.
	Yeah.
	What's wrong with Skype?
	Sprinkle it in as a little bonus, little Easter eggs.
	Alright, I'm Alexander Edward.
	And I'm Tony Boswell.
	And we are Minion Death Cult.
	The world is ending.
	My wife is responsible.
	We're documenting it.
	I said it at the same pitch that it normally is, but I did not do the profoundly racist accent that I would never do.
	Anybody who does that is a monster.
	Anybody who does that would have stood in front of a schoolhouse preventing black children from entering it.
	I have none of that on this podcast.
	Hey, what's up everybody?
	We're Minion Death Cult.
	We got a show for you guys.
	It's gonna be a show today.
	It's gonna be a good one.
	And let's just get right into it.
	Coronavirus, right, it's a big deal.
	There's a lot of downsides to the coronavirus.
	Are we saying coronavirus or are we saying COVID-19?
	I'm only saying coronavirus.
	COVID-19 is like the disease you get from the coronavirus.
	I think that's like the technical difference between the two.
	Okay, okay.
	It also sounds like a terrible band from like 2001.
	COVID-19, yeah, it does sound like...
	Like a scene band that was trying to straddle hardcore and scene metal stuff?
	Yeah.
	They would have definitely had an album that was called Under the Martyred Sun.
	Exactly.
	Or like Pale Wrists Bleed.
	So yeah, somebody was just showing me like their old band and their speaker, like their speakers are painted like God lives and I was like, what was your band?
	And they're like, I don't want to talk about it.
	I said, OK, cool.
	I'll let that rock.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	No.
	Yeah, it would be COVID-19 would be the band name.
	The album would be Pale Wrists Bleed.
	And you would think that it was about suicide and self-harm, but actually it was about stigmata and the sacrifice that Jesus gave to all of us.
	And also about white genocide.
	Jesus was the first step towards white genocide.
	Killing white Jesus was the first step towards white genocide, and that's why we celebrate Christmas.
	And that's why pale wrists bleed.
	That's why we celebrate Christmas.
	No, okay, so there's lots of downsides to COVID-19, or to the threat of COVID-19, to the threat of coronavirus.
	Obviously contracting it is no fun, but also the panic that's been induced because of it is as well no fun.
	There's a shortage of basic necessities on shelves.
	This isn't part of the panic, it's part of just being responsible.
	Social distancing.
	You know, not going out.
	Not seeing your pals.
	That sort of thing.
	All pretty big downsides.
	Pretty fair downsides.
	This is the one time it's been like okay that you live in Seattle.
	Because like, you know, cuddling with you and Tony and Geese is not an option right now.
	It's not an option.
	Even if I was in Seattle, we wouldn't do it.
	I would never put those cats at risk.
	Yeah, I'm pretty...
	I've been training for social distancing for over a year now.
	I flew all the way to Seattle to join the farm team of social distancing, and now I'm in the big leagues.
	I just got asked up to the majors.
	No, but there is a positive side to the coronavirus, okay?
	People may not know this, but I am a, quote, happily married man.
	Well, yeah, man.
	Happy wife, happy life.
	Am I right?
	Yeah, pause for audience laughter.
	And I just want to impart a bit of advice on the listener.
	A bit of wisdom, okay, on the listener.
	Confessions of a happy man.
	The coronavirus is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
	My wife doesn't want to travel anymore.
	Airplane emoji.
	She no longer buys anything because everything comes from China!
	It's so tight how racist my wife is.
	Yeah.
	I'm like, I'm like, hey, you haven't bought any Gucci in a while.
	And she's like, yeah, well, those people ruined it.
	I like how human rights violations didn't do it.
	It's just like racism that does it.
	She stopped begging me to have kids because she doesn't want them to grow up in a racial jungle.
	Oh no, wait, that was Joe Biden, actually.
	Yeah, that was Joe Biden, actually.
	That one was Joe Biden.
	Joe Biden is okay with me not having kids with him.
	Yeah.
	No, okay.
	She no longer goes to the mall to avoid the crowd.
	Ring emoji.
	Purse emoji.
	High heel emoji.
	Hat emoji.
	Shoe emoji.
	Boot emoji.
	Dress emoji.
	Wow.
	I guess those are like the emojis that she's not receiving.
	If you type in women be shopping, that's the suggestion to give you.
	That's the suggested emojis.
	I have that feature turned off.
	That's why I didn't know that.
	You're missing out.
	You're missing out.
	She spends all her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
	Oh, like it was getting bad like already.
	This is not a virus, it is a blessing!
	Three exclamation points, praying hands emoji, kissy face emoji.
	What's funny is like when this started I thought he was saying like this is the best because now it is cuddle season.
	Yeah.
	It's obligated cuddle season and you're like because she doesn't travel anymore and then all of a sudden you realize very fast it has nothing to do with wanting to spend time with his wife.
	Like, at all.
	It is cuffing season, and no, I'm not referring to getting hauled off to FEMA camps.
	I'm referring to laying in bed all day with the missus.
	Um, yeah.
	Hey, confessions of a happy man.
	The coronavirus is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
	My wife died from it.
	Yeah, she is dead now.
	I haven't moved the body yet.
	It's been there for a week now.
	She doesn't say a thing.
	It's great.
	She doesn't travel anymore.
	She doesn't even look at me.
	Success!
	I live in the dystopian universe of the lobster and both me and my wife have been blinded and now I will never have to look at her again.
	It's like, it's so sick.
	It's like, why are you there man?
	What are you doing?
	Like, you know you don't have to be married, right?
	No, he did the math.
	It's cheaper to be married to her and pay for the traveling than it would be to give her half of everything.
	Also, the coronavirus is the best thing.
	My wife doesn't want to travel anymore.
	Don't you want her to travel?
	Let her go fuck the Thai pool boy.
	Let her go on a sexpedition across the Atlantic.
	Please.
	You'll both be happier for this.
	Yeah, so it's just, you know, it's funny.
	Hey, I wish my wife was dead.
	You know what makes me really grateful for my wife?
	Plagues.
	Eminent death.
	And her keeping her mouth closed.
	So, the coronavirus is, you know, much like the flu, it is most dangerous to elderly people and people with, you know, compromised immune systems.
	And... I've been seeing a lot of, you know, I've been seeing a few memes that go around.
	A few tweets that are going around about how, um...
	You know, boomers, colon.
	Ignore climate change.
	Don't change your way of living because of global warming, etc.
	It doesn't matter.
	Oh, but when coronavirus comes around, oh, you have to listen to scientists and you have to stay inside and you have to not jeopardize public health, etc.
	I don't know where that tweet is coming from.
	I don't know where that meme is coming from.
	These people, these boomers, they do not believe in coronavirus.
	No, they don't.
	It's a hoax.
	It is 100% a hoax, and it's just interesting to me because, like...
	Boomers, you know the stereotype about them is that they're like afraid of everything.
	They're 100% paranoid, afraid of everything, afraid of like their Italian neighbors for being too ethnic.
	They're afraid.
	They think like all black people are left-handed.
	Well, hey, I mean the mark of Cain doesn't stop at your skin.
	You know.
	Also affects motor skills.
	Logic isn't there.
	You can't explain like disease to them.
	Um, but it's just funny, you know, it's tragic in all respects, but there's like a, you know, a bit of irony there when, um, you know, we're hearing from the older population that they do not believe in climate change, they don't give a fuck about
	income inequality, they will happily elect politicians who have expressed a desire to cut Social Security and Medicare for the next generations, people who have completely sold this economy out to Wall Street, etc, etc, because they already have theirs and they will not be affected by those decisions.
	In fact, they might benefit from those decisions because they're already in a place of relative security where, you know, their wealth is like Yeah.
	It's like stable.
	they have is already um what would you call it it's it's like stable well it's stable because it's in the set it's in homeownership and it's in wall street okay and it doesn't have to last that long because they're gonna like die right however when it comes to coronavirus they are the most at-risk population and yet they still doubt it
	They still don't believe the science of it, and they might actually reap some of the consequences of it.
	This is not to say that this is something we, like, wish for on this show.
	There are plenty of older people who are Either misinformed, uninformed, brainwashed, or are genuinely worried about coronavirus who, you know, would suffer from this disease, and that's not good.
	But it's just... You gotta appreciate the irony, I think, there.
	Yeah.
	Well I think a lot of it too is like they think that they're they're kind of built for it because like that's why they keep like used tissues up their sleeves.
	It's just like it's just kind of like to build immunities.
	There is an argument to be made that this has been hyped up, but I would say that it's been hyped up in a specific way that's not related to the actual material, biological, like medical facts which are not have not been hyped up like the the information coming out of the medical community
	uh i trust that information i trust those absolutely dire warnings and predictions the hype comes from uh people buying up you know toilet paper people you know stocking up uh on basic necessities to the degree that other people can't have them like the That's where it's been overhyped.
	And I don't know why people are reacting that way.
	It's weird.
	I do retail.
	I do a bakery.
	I sell bread.
	We open at 9 o'clock and we sold out today by 10.30.
	We were able to talk to people.
	People were like, let me get 6 loaves of classic sourdough.
	I'm like, hey, we're going to be open on Tuesday.
	Like, it's okay.
	You don't have to do that right now.
	And most of them were pretty reasonable and were like, okay, cool, just give me two.
	But it's just like, yeah, everybody was ready to just like... I'm like, how big are your freezers, guys?
	Like, what's going on?
	Also, what are you preparing for?
	Talking about bread, dude, people had carts full of milk.
	Gallons of milk.
	Yeah.
	Either A, you're a complete dumbass and that milk is going to spoil in a matter of a week or so, a few days if you can't fit it in your fridge, or B, you're an absolute piece of shit who's going to try to flip the milk.
	I don't know, man.
	I don't want to be racist on the show, but white people love milk.
	Like, it's a thing, like... I wouldn't know about that because I'm Italian, but... Yeah, like, white people eat, like, drink a glass of milk with, like, a plate of spaghetti.
	I was actually, I was raised on milk.
	Yeah, me too, me too.
	For sure.
	My family was dorks, especially my dad.
	My dad, huge dork.
	So we weren't allowed soda at dinner, you know?
	And so we had to drink milk at dinner.
	Same.
	And that was the thing.
	And so I don't mind a glass of milk, I'll take a glass of milk, but since I've been Self-sufficient since I've been managing my own fridge.
	I haven't bought I haven't bought a gallon of milk in like, you know 15 years No, you don't yeah, I used to drink a lot of milk too, but I'm like, I don't know It's just I feel like that was the thing of the thing that I don't know.
	It's every hanging on I definitely see white guys drinking milk Yeah, I'm not OK with that.
	And I'm especially not OK with you buying a whole cart full of milk so that other people can't have it.
	There's a lot of white people out there.
	They want their milk, too.
	They all need milk.
	Let's get into this article from the Washington Post, which is just amazing.
	This is the headline.
	This is the headline.
	I'm a hand shaker.
	Many older Americans are playing down the coronavirus threat while others opt for safety.
	As experts plead for social distancing, some seniors continue to get together for movies, Zumba, and concerts.
	Some of them continue to get in the face of union workers who are asking them questions about their Second Amendment rights and poking their fingers in their faces.
	Some of them are doing that.
	It is your duty as a leftist, as a leftist American, to contract coronavirus and then ask Joe Biden a challenging question.
	Yeah.
	He'll do it to himself.
	That is your duty.
	He's going to grab you by the collar.
	He's going to slap you across the face.
	You're going to let it happen.
	Because you're going to give him coronavirus.
	See, because coronavirus is like a knife buried in ice, and Joe Biden is like the wolf.
	And Joe Biden will come to lick the knife, and he will keep licking the knife, and he will think he's eating somebody.
	He's drinking his own blood.
	He's killing himself.
	Yeah, Joe Biden is definitely like a member of the black community engaging in capitalism.
	Isn't that what that chord's about?
	Yeah, that's exactly what that chord's about, yeah.
	Hell yeah.
	Oh, it's about a drug dealer, huh?
	It's about a black drug dealer, isn't it?
	Yeah, I think it's about selling to the community.
	Yeah.
	It's from the Dead Prez album.
	If there's anything worse than selling to the community, it's being somebody who wants to bulldoze your house for selling to the community.
	Yes, yes.
	A.K.A.
	Joe Biden.
	A.K.A.
	Joe Biden, yeah.
	Real quick, on that note, I did tweet it, but also, during this pandemic, when we're staying inside, don't forget your local drug dealers.
	Hit up the homies first, before you hit up a dispensary, before you use an E's discount.
	Hit up the homies, because a lot of them are in the service industry, and they're not getting tips right now.
	So they need to push that weight.
	Buy weed from the homies.
	Uh, and if you're, um, if you like get packages regularly from a UPS driver, um, do not invite them into your house for sex.
	Like for the next month or so.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	It's going to be, that's going to be hard.
	It's going to be rough.
	It's going to be definitely like a change in behavior.
	Um, but it's hard.
	It's hard out there for us, you know, and if, uh, we don't have the offer in the first place, uh, then it's easier, you know, to go about our business.
	Have you been referring to all the boxes as parcels so you avoid using the word package?
	No.
	I have a parcel for- you can't be going around talking about packages because then all of a sudden we all go, you know, our minds just go crazy.
	I say the dirtiest- And then I gotta invite my UPS person in for some sex.
	I say the dirtiest shit on accident.
	Like, if you're like working with your hands and doing like Repetitive motion stuff or physical labor or whatever like and you're working with other people You can't help like saying dirty shit on accident.
	Yeah, like yeah, I say like oh you want me to push it into you?
	Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
	Or like, oh yeah, I got a big one for you.
	And it's like, I'm not, I mean that genuinely.
	I don't mean that as a joke.
	You do mean that.
	I mean like I have like a 60 pound package the size of a mini fridge for you.
	It's probably a Casper mattress and it's actually 80 pounds.
	You heard it here first.
	You heard it here first.
	Alex is out here slinging Casper mattresses.
	Oh yeah.
	Hey, I got a shout out on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast.
	From Scott Auker.
	I went to see a live show and I talked to him afterward and I was like, hey man, I'm a UPS driver and I just love delivering those Casper mattresses you sell on your... And he was like, he was like genuinely like, oh, I'm sorry.
	Like, it's all right.
	And then he shouted me out.
	He's all, I talked to a UPS driver and he just loves delivering these.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, this article is amazing.
	And yeah, this has been our research.
	Adults are not social distancing.
	They think that the virus is all a scam to delegitimize Trump, that it's just a way of tanking the stock market as if, like, As if the people who are... I'm trying to think this out.
	So, the people who, like, basically influence the stock market are, like, supposedly savvy investors.
	They're millionaires.
	They're, like, movers and shakers.
	They're people who study this, etc.
	Yeah.
	And these are the people that the boomers think are getting tricked by the Democrats into thinking that coronavirus is a threat.
	As opposed to like looking at what's happening in Italy?
	Or as opposed to looking at what's happening in Iran?
	Or China?
	But they're like all in cahoots, right?
	Like they're like all...
	Because that's just different.
	That wouldn't happen in America.
	No, the other countries are in cahoots.
	They just think that this is all in cahoots.
	The Democrats are using this narrative that's happening in third world countries like Italy and saying it's happening here in America to make Trump look bad.
	There's a lot of stuff about the coronavirus that I thought it was worth talking about, but it's also very fucked up.
	And so, we're trying to keep this episode light.
	It's a heavy subject matter.
	But, yeah, like I saw a couple comments, like one of the comments that I, that we were thinking about talking about was a guy who was like, yeah, people have to remember, like, only 3% of the population will die, and we have to, we have to stop putting those 3% above property rights.
	Yeah, insane.
	Millions of people dead.
	Oh, and then he went on to say, and besides, it'll only be the elderly and people with immune system problems already.
	And this was in defense of insurance companies, because Gavin Newsom He mandated that insurance companies waive the co-pays or the fees for getting the test and he was like when will we learn that the elderly, the sick, the poor are not worth insurance company co-pays?
	And it's wild because we're over here and like we are always saying like you know you know fuck off boomers and whatever but we're not being like That serious.
	This person's trying to be like, no, no, they're a sacrifice we need to make.
	This is just Darwinism.
	We need them.
	It's okay if we lose them.
	It's not that big of a deal.
	I still want my bar to run smoothly.
	And this is like in a boomer comment section.
	This is like in the Snowflake Central Facebook page or Facebook group.
	So it's just mostly boomers.
	It's like late Gen Xers, edgy Millennials, and, you know, 90% boomers.
	And this guy made a comment in there about how it's cool that boomers will die, that over 60 people will die, and nobody pushed back on him about that.
	Like, imagine, you know, you or I going in there saying, hey, it's cool that old people are gonna die from this.
	Who gives a shit?
	I mean, Minion Death Cult, like, on the face of it is probably one of the most inherently generational warfare podcasts there is out there.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	But we do not actually believe in generational warfare.
	No.
	It is definitely, like, it's a spook.
	It's definitely a distraction, but boomers are just funny.
	That's why we talk about them on the show.
	And conservative boomers are terrible.
	I mean, they're awful, but they're actually probably not as awful as millennial conservatives or Gen X conservatives.
	Those people are even worse.
	It's just, this is what we talk about because it's funny.
	And because they control so much of our politics, it's worth discussing the conservative boomer.
	We have plenty of blue-haired allies, but we will never sympathize with somebody who is still a bigot but doesn't even remember when fundamentals of the NBA were the most important thing.
	Fuck that person.
	They don't even have an excuse.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, in any generation, the overwhelming majority of the population is the working class or, you know, formerly working class.
	And that's that's who we side with.
	That's where the the warfare truly lies.
	Yes.
	Let's get to this Washington Post article, though, because it's it's amazing.
	At her home in the villages, a sprawling Central Florida retirement community that overlaps three counties, Alicia still greets neighbors with a big smile and an outstretched hand.
	I'm a handshaker.
	I think I'll always be a handshaker and a hugger.
	Till the day I die.
	A 64 year old said.
	Which is a couple weeks, I think.
	Yeah.
	Worries about the coronavirus aren't going to stop that.
	Quote, it seems that it's been blown out of proportion.
	Like how does it seem like that?
	Like we've only been talking about it for like a few days.
	We've been watching what's happening in China and shit for a month now, but we've only been talking about it in America for a few days.
	When was the first case discovered in America?
	Less than a week ago, I think.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	I feel like the first day when everybody started taking the whole staying inside seriously was two days ago.
	You know, and like, so yeah, so we'd seen it, but I think we, there was this air of like, yeah, that's, that's, that's in China.
	So we don't have to worry about that.
	The worst is 100% yet to come.
	Oh yeah, for sure.
	Not far away, at a house in the same community, Judy Nieman, 66, said that attitude is alarming.
	Quote, we don't know how this is going to spread in this community, she said.
	We're all older here.
	This place is full of people who go on cruises all the time.
	They go on safaris.
	And I don't see them curtailing their activities as much as I would.
	And isn't there like rampant sucking and fucking in these retirement home communities?
	Yeah, I was gonna say like, you know, gonorrhea is rampant in these communities, like, and that takes a lot more to transmit than COVID-19.
	Like, come on now.
	This next passage is so illuminating.
	Seeing this is like looking at the Rosetta Stone for this podcast.
	Quote, we're living the last third of our lives, Sal Gentile, 70, wrote in response to a Washington Post inquiry.
	We're bolder, not older.
	Time to be mindful, take a deep breath, and enjoy life.
	Time to be mindful, take a deep breath, and jump into a hot tub with 50, 60 year olds.
	And high five everybody.
	I like picturing these people, like, wheeling and dealing and making, like, spit deals.
	Like, spitting on it in the palms and shaking on it, because, like, that's just how you do it.
	Yeah, they're going around and, like, pinching each other's cheeks and shit.
	Giving each other wet willies.
	I'm sorry, folks, do not allow your grandparents to pinch your cheeks during these times.
	Do not.
	Do not.
	You're gonna be tempted.
	Get your hands off the face.
	We worked many decades to now have the privilege of being older.
	Dot dot dot.
	Yep, I have a pacemaker and recent fusion.
	However, my love for quality of life is more important to me than being rattled by a TV station.
	I really like the honesty of the phrase, we've worked for decades to live this long.
	Like that's real shit.
	Because he goes on to say I have a pacemaker and shit you wouldn't be able to afford if you didn't work.
	He's got a pacemaker because of Medicare.
	That's why he's got a pacemaker.
	This is just so illuminating to me.
	He's got a pacemaker because of Medicare.
	That's why he's got a pacemaker.
	This is just like so illuminating to me.
	Like Sal here, he's like, I think he's kind of like talking out of both sides of his mouth.
	He's saying that he doesn't trust the media, right?
	Having fun is more important to me than being rattled by a TV station.
	Yeah, I respect that.
	That's him saying he doesn't trust the media, right?
	Yeah.
	But then he's also saying Uh, no.
	I'm dying soon.
	I'm dying soon anyway.
	I don't give a fuck about the coronavirus.
	Fuck the coronavirus.
	Fuck you for asking me about it.
	I'm gonna go on my cruise ship and quarantine myself with 2,000 other people and a fucking open buffet.
	He's like, I've been smoking for... I'm only 67, but I've been smoking for 60 years.
	This is the mentality behind, like, global warming denialism.
	Yeah.
	Like, I literally don't care.
	I'm in the last third of my life.
	By the way, that's a long fucking period.
	You better hope you got a third of your life left.
	Yeah, that's a pretty nice chunk.
	It's optimistic to say I'm in the last third of my life.
	At 70?
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	You're saying you're going to live to at least 95?
	Our generation, Bucko, is not going to have a third of our life to retire on, okay?
	No.
	Just putting that out there.
	Thanks to your, well, don't want to get into the class warfare thing, but thanks to the political decisions that have been made in the last few decades, we are not going to get to enjoy the last third of our lives to go on cruises and live in a rich, suck-and-fuck retirement village in Florida.
	But yeah, this is just, no.
	You could take this argument and apply it directly to climate change.
	No, I worked hard, you know, I had a pension, you know, of course I voted for the guy who defunded the pensions, broke strikes, et cetera, et cetera.
	Voted for him twice, in fact.
	And I earned this.
	I earned the right to not give a fuck about anyone else.
	Yeah.
	This next and final couple paragraphs that I clipped from this article are equally amazing.
	When her book club canceled its cruise to the Western Caribbean, Caribbean or Caribbean?
	Caribbean.
	Caribbean.
	With one of the 10 club members worried about getting sick and others worried about getting stuck at sea amid a potential outbreak, Polish name was a little miffed.
	That's an extremely polished name.
	There's several Z's?
	There's 15 letters in this name and only two vowels.
	And only two instances of vowels.
	Perzibiloicza.
	Yeah.
	P-R-Z-Y-B-Y-L-O-W-I-C-Z.
	Zysics.
	It's Zysics Road.
	For me, okay, so, when our book club cancelled its cruise to the Western Caribbean with one of the ten club members worried about getting sick and others worried about getting stuck at sea amid a potential outbreak, Perseverant was a little miffed.
	For me, that would have just extended my vacation.
	Hang on, geezer's eating plastic.
	One second.
	No, Geezer, don't!
	It's not food.
	It's just fucking plastic.
	Geezer, like, developed a taste for plastic after biting into all the food that was contained in plastic.
	So now she just eats plastic.
	Just hoping that's what's on the other side?
	I don't think it's that anymore.
	I think she just developed a taste for it.
	Because she just eats plastic.
	She grabs plastic out of the recycling bin.
	Yeah, now she's going for, like, my tape gun, dude.
	A tape gun's, that's kind of, if you like plastic, tape gun's probably the good stuff.
	Tape is pretty stinky.
	It's probably like food by the foot.
	Tape has a, packing tape has a, has a real stinky smell to it.
	I can see a cat just licking like the tacky side of tape forever.
	So, the book club cancelled the cruise because one of the members was worried about getting sick and others were worried about getting stranded.
	For me, she says, that would have just extended my vacation, she said.
	As long as someone was feeding me and changing my bed, I would be fine.
	She said she thinks the ships are sanitized and safe.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Like, how optimistic are you?
	Like, also... It's beyond optimism.
	They plan for cruises to go weeks over the planned voyage, right?
	That's what they plan for?
	I don't know.
	They're gonna have food and clean bedding for that long.
	That's not how that works.
	The only cruise you could ever get me on is the 311 cruise.
	Oh dude, one day.
	I think that would be pretty chill, but otherwise any other cruise sounds like a nightmare of bacteria and I don't know.
	Existential dread.
	The likes of which you would see at Disneyland or something.
	Closed corridors with a ton of people.
	Can't wait.
	But for me, if people got sick and we were stranded at sea, that would have been fine with me as long as somebody was waiting on me hand and foot.
	As long as the buffet is open and my sheets are clean.
	Because I'm still going to be fucking.
	It's beyond the buffet is open.
	As long as somebody is feeding me.
	As long as somebody is waiting on me.
	As long as somebody is in service to me.
	Changing my filthy sheets, patting my bottom, and feeding my mouth... I'll be fine.
	You'll be fine.
	It's all good.
	Insanely revealing.
	Incredibly revealing.
	I paid for this.
	I paid for this.
	This is like... This is the... This is the, uh... This is the Boomer Manifesto.
	This is like... The Boomer Siege text.
	No, it's okay.
	It's okay if homelessness is spiraling out of control.
	It's okay if cops are shooting people in the street.
	It's okay if the earth will soon cook into a crisp as long as somebody is feeding me and rotating my body until I die.
	As long as I have access to a low-sodium diet And hypoallergenic sheets.
	I don't give a fuck how it's burning down outside.
	Let's keep going here.
	Okay, so this is another meme that was shared in the Minion Death Commandos Facebook group.
	I don't remember who shared it, but it's a good one.
	So it's like word art on Facebook.
	In the background of this word art is the laughing crying emoji.
	It's like a collage.
	It's like a 3D one.
	Yes, the emojis are 3D which is unsettling.
	Yeah.
	Because... It makes you just already kind of like hate whatever it's gonna say on there.
	Yeah, it's like... You don't have to read it, you just hate it already.
	The background is like, it's like those old Apple commercials where all the iPhones are like being thrown into the air and twirling.
	In the same color.
	Yeah, but it's laughing crying emojis in the background and yes, like Tony said, they're 3D models of the laughing crying emojis so they're just perfect spheres and it's very weird because Like the emoji is like supposed to be an abstract representation of a facial expression right?
	It's supposed to just be like uh what do you call it like a reference to it's not supposed to be a thing yes it's supposed to be a reference to the emotion or a reference to The facial expression.
	This is like, I don't know, somehow implying that there are actual, like, spherical beings laughing and crying in a physical 3D space.
	It's very unnerving.
	It's like when you see a Simpsons character in 3D.
	It's like when you see a Bart doll or a Homer Simpson doll.
	It just doesn't look right.
	It's just a little funky.
	And also you can kind of hear all of them laughing individually in your head.
	There's almost like echoed layers of the same laugh but different time.
	I hate it.
	It gives you a bad feel.
	Just a cacophony of AHHHHHH!
	It gives you a bad feel.
	Just a cacophony of, ah!
	Yeah.
	Laughing, crying emoji.
	The text says, can't name a virus after a beer and expect it to scare people. - Cool.
	So Corona.
	Should have named it, get a job virus.
	God.
	That's all one word?
	God.
	Yep.
	Virus is one word.
	Get a job virus.
	All one word.
	Virus is part of that word.
	Should have named it get a job virus.
	That would cause a panic.
	And then right after that is like the watermark that says love and laughter.
	I think that's from the page love and laughter on Facebook.
	Which is so wild.
	What is the page love and laughter when you're like Get a job, scumbags.
	Hey, you should get a job and go to it during the quarantine.
	Yeah.
	This is like legit a worse joke than Terrence K. Williams would make.
	I'm kind of like impressed by that because this is this is like on the level of I don't know if she was Chinese, Japanese, or crazy knees.
	Yeah, it's up there.
	This is just like mashing two things together and that's a joke now.
	Get a job, virus is a joke.
	It's somehow making it seem like, um, well there's some truth to, uh, like it may seem like poor people are the ones getting sick.
	Like, this is a poor people issue, um, which I mean there is some truth to, you know, being more vulnerable, um, but it's like, it's just, it has a weird, like, film on it where it just feels like it's saying, if you were working, had a job, maybe you'd take it more seriously?
	I don't know.
	It's gross.
	It's, it's like real hack comedy.
	It's like, uh, yeah, if they wanted to scare people, they would name it, uh, pay your child support virus.
	Yes.
	You know, or it's, um, if they wanted to scare people, they should have named it, there are only two genders virus.
	Yep.
	Just like extremely bad comedy, but yeah, it underlines like the disdain for poor people.
	Uh, that's just rampant in this country because yeah, uh, the people who do have jobs, service workers like myself, like Tony, uh, are the most at risk for getting this fucking virus.
	Like me?
	Like, not to undermine Tony or anything here, but me, I spend until about 3pm delivering to hospitals and medical centers.
	Just going in and out.
	Working 14-hour days.
	And then I move on to apartment buildings, businesses, and other residential deliveries.
	Okay, I see more people than anybody else even not on quarantine sees.
	Like somebody who's not quarantining themselves, who's going out and fucking loving life and living it.
	These fucking boomers in the villages, shaking hands and kissing everybody that they see that day.
	I see more people than that person does.
	I get signatures from more people than that person does.
	You get kisses from more people than that person does.
	And on top of that, just being in wet weather, working 13 plus hours a day, you're already more vulnerable to getting sick anyways.
	Some kids, it was like 8pm, I was trying to get into this public housing unit that doesn't have a call box or anything.
	And these kids who also I think lived there, but they didn't have like a cell phone or anything to call in.
	They were also waiting outside.
	And I was like, basically scanning the packages as like non-deliverable for that day because nobody was coming to the door.
	And the kids, they were like, you know, high school age kids.
	They said, hey, is UPS sanitizing all the boxes?
	I was like, man, I remember what it was like to be a kid.
	That's wild.
	That's wild.
	Yo, yo, absolutely.
	Absolutely.
	Yeah, no, so I said, no, they're not sanitizing all the millions of packages we deliver, you sweet summer child.
	But they are working me 14 hours a day to ensure that my immune system is at its weakest point.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	They're trying to break me down.
	And the kid said, really?
	And I was like, well, I mean, like, yeah, that's what happens when you don't get eight hours of sleep.
	Yeah, that's exactly what happens.
	They're like, no, but you only work 13 hours.
	If you go home and go straight to bed and then you wake up, you're fine.
	Yeah, no breakfast.
	No breakfast allowed.
	No, no, no.
	Have breakfast.
	Just have breakfast for dinner the night before.
	If you eat eggs for dinner, it actually counts as breakfast.
	People don't notice.
	Yeah, you're good.
	It carries over.
	Okay, and just like one final post about coronavirus.
	This is possibly like the most stupid response to the coronavirus panic.
	This is like, just... Like it's... Because we do this show, we could see this post happening.
	But otherwise, I don't think I could see this post happening.
	I don't think I could understand that this post is a thing that exists, if not for our experience doing the show and with, like, right-wing grifters and just the utter, like, lack of interrogation that goes on in, like, right-wing political thought in at least the populist section of Facebook.
	This is from an account named Christy Trump on Facebook.
	Okay, and shout out to Ben Abbott for sharing this into the Minion Death Commandos Facebook group.
	But also, I saw multiple posts like this.
	This was a theme.
	Yeah.
	This was a desperate, like sweaty theme coming from the right.
	And it's one of those things, it's so great because it's so close.
	It's like they almost understand what's happening, but they just miss it entirely.
	Yeah.
	It's, it's beautiful.
	Yeah.
	Go ahead.
	Christy Trump says, I'm standing in line buying toilet paper.
	The place is packed.
	The line is backed to the door.
	I'm also wearing my MAGA hat in a democratic infested County.
	You're so crazy, Christy.
	You're a mad woman.
	She's an absolute madman woman here.
	You're a rebel rouser.
	I think it's funny the phrase that she used here.
	Democratic infested county.
	Yeah.
	Using the word infested as if to say that like, oh, the Democrats snuck in like roaches, like a parasitic population.
	I don't know what county Christie is from, but if it's Democratic, I'm pretty sure they've been there for a bit.
	Oh, yeah.
	They've been around for a minute.
	Maybe they're saying there's a couple that have snuck in.
	Maybe they just opened a Whole Foods.
	Um, maybe she's at a Whole Foods buying toilet paper.
	Probably not though.
	Isn't it kind of shitty that like being, I mean, you know, we're not really Democrats on this show, but Democrats are considered the left.
	Uh, you know, broadly speaking, isn't it kind of shitty that that's what's like identified with Democrats is fucking Whole Foods who is owned by the richest man in the world?
	Yeah, does suck it does suck cuz I don't know people forget what everything that happens like it Didn't used to be owned by the richest man in the world, but now it is so you can get your you know Your organic kefir and you pick up your Amazon delivery in the same place now And you can get it fucking coughed on by somebody with coronavirus because Jeff Bezos doesn't offer paid sick leave for his employees despite being the richest fucking man in America.
	I'm not sure if he's actually the richest man, but he's like... He's up there, right?
	He's up there, yeah.
	I think he's for sure one of the richest in America.
	He's like richer than Bloomberg, right?
	Yeah.
	Oh yeah, yeah, totally.
	Anyway, everyone is chatting and being super friendly with one another while we wait in line and discuss the mass hysteria and panic.
	Me, not giving a single fuck.
	Uh, but... Not even one.
	Fuck is, uh, censored, so it's F, asterisk, asterisk, K, uh, two.
	There's two asterisks in here.
	I think each asterisk counts as a fuck that she gave.
	And also seeing this as an opportunity, I said, well, this is what socialism looks like, you guys, and if you hate capitalism, don't support Trump.
	Not a single person disputed or disagreed.
	They listened.
	They're probably really confused, because I was confused a little bit by the way you phrased that, Christy.
	If somebody said this while I was waiting in line at a grocery store, yeah, I would also not dispute or disagree.
	I would probably just continue looking at my phone while a crazy person yelled in my vicinity.
	Not a single person disputed or disagreed.
	They listened as I kindly explained the joys of capitalism.
	Just wanted to share this with you all, so if you see an opportunity to do the same, please do.
	Take this as an opportunity to kindly educate and make people see the horrors of socialism.
	100 emoji!
	Yeah!
	I wish so badly that she would go on to explain To explain what the joys of capitalism are to us, because in that moment, there's no way that she said, you can just get what you want when you need it.
	Access to things that we need at any moment?
	Under capitalism, you have the freedom of choice, such as choosing between not being able to buy Charmin and not being able to buy Bounty.
	Yeah.
	See, like, because of capitalism, I'm able to actually purchase and redistribute this hand sanitizer.
	Undercapitalism.
	Undercapitalism.
	Okay, now let's talk about the hand sanitizer thing.
	Real quick, okay.
	Yeah.
	I got a fucking, I got a take about this.
	So everybody's like rightfully upset about the hand sanitizer, the people buying $70,000 worth of hand sanitizer, like the absolute monsters, the demons, the like human demons that are buying $70,000 worth of like three pallets of hand sanitizer to then sell on Amazon.
	Yeah, that's what they are.
	People are rightfully upset about this.
	I mean, obviously people on the left are upset about this, but just normies.
	Normies are upset about this.
	It's a bad look.
	You know what I mean?
	Except, I would argue...
	That's what capitalism is.
	They are engaging in capitalism.
	They are engaging in having capital, namely the wealth, the capital, to buy $70,000 worth of hand sanitizer, and then reselling it at more than what it costs to buy, definitely more than what it costs to purchase, in order to make a profit.
	Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
	That's the whole system.
	Sorry, what I meant to say was, more than it costs to buy, definitely more than it costs to produce.
	Oh, absolutely, yeah.
	This is like 100% analogous to capitalism in itself.
	Everything you've ever bought at a store was not at cost.
	Maybe you had a hookup.
	Maybe you had a hookup with somebody who like owned the company or somebody who did buying with the company and you purchased it at cost or whatever.
	That means you purchased it at cost from the manufacturer.
	Or the vendor.
	Yeah, or the vendor or whatever who is still marking that up.
	Yeah.
	That's still a market.
	Money has to be made.
	Nothing is getting dabbed up.
	Like, this never happened.
	And when we say money is getting made, we mean on top of the salary.
	On top of A, like, the wages that, like, the bottom of the bottom employee received, as well as what the CEO received.
	People have this idea that, like, profit for a company means, like, oh, profit, that's what's used to pay the wages of the CEO.
	No.
	No.
	Profit is after.
	Profit is what the company itself as an organization made on top of paying all its costs or whatever.
	Anyway, if you got a problem with somebody hoarding fucking hand sanitizer, something that people don't even really need.
	Or even use correctly when they use it.
	People need it to a certain degree, but they don't need hand sanitizer the way they need food.
	They don't need hand sanitizer the way they need shelter.
	They don't need hand sanitizer the way they need actual medicine.
	If you have a problem with somebody hoarding hand sanitizer to flip it for a profit, then you should definitely have a problem with, I don't know, landlords?
	Yeah.
	With insurance companies?
	Insurance companies, yeah.
	With anybody who sells food for a fucking profit at a like, you know, that's not like hustling on the side.
	That's not like making your food, but actually just selling the basic goods, you know?
	Like, that's the problem that's inherent with capitalism.
	And I think maybe this is like a What would you call it?
	This is like an opportunity.
	This is an educational opportunity for people to see how fucked up capitalism is.
	You can point to the person buying three pallets of toilet paper intending to flip it on Amazon and be like, yeah, that person's a monster.
	Yeah, just like the person who owns three homes and is profiting off of those.
	In fact, the person who owns three homes is bigger monster.
	I think so, absolutely.
	I can still wash my ass in the shower.
	That's true.
	You know what's funny too?
	That one guy who had the storage unit, he got him taken, they took him back.
	They went and took the hand sanitizer from him, and I guess they're gonna donate or something like that.
	Oh shit, I didn't hear about that.
	I already got kicked off Amazon and he wouldn't apologize.
	Somebody enforced it.
	Government entity enforced it and the thing is like he probably has a case against them now He probably has a pretty nice case against them now because he just all he did was like Do some capitalism.
	Yeah, I mean in my opinion.
	He's lucky.
	It was the government who did it Absolutely.
	Oh absolutely Because I mean it was just behind us a storage unit door is behind a garage door Yeah, I think a few people probably get into that pretty easily.
	I think so um Yeah, I don't know.
	I think that this is, like, it's an illustrative moment.
	Hopefully, like, you know, we're probably not going to talk about the debate between Sanders and Biden, or we might talk about it a little bit, but, like, hopefully that's, you know, something that Bernie helps illustrate.
	That, like, this predatory capitalism in a time of crisis is really not that much different than just bog-standard capitalism.
	Would people say that there's not a homelessness crisis?
	I think we would all agree that there is a homelessness crisis and yet landlords continue to raise rents.
	Houses continue to remain empty.
	Yeah, shout out to the Occupy Homes movement in LA right now that is making some huge strides.
	Let's hope that works out.
	Do we have links to that?
	We can get them.
	Is there a fund or an organization?
	I mean, we know some people in LA.
	Let's put some links in the show notes.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Let's get back to this post.
	It's incredibly funny.
	You are seeing, like, okay, we live under Trump.
	Trump's president, right?
	Every day.
	Every day the sun rises.
	If you hate capitalism, don't support Trump.
	So, you know, by the, I don't know, by the associative property, or by the, like, I'm going to do some sentential logic here.
	Wordmap this out and I've discovered, I've come to the conclusion that we are living under capitalism right now because Trump is president.
	I think that's what she's saying.
	So this thing that you're seeing happen under capitalism, oh, that's socialism.
	That's socialism, baby.
	That's socialism, though.
	It snuck in there.
	I don't understand it.
	Yeah.
	You don't have to understand it.
	It's not meant to be understood.
	It's meant to be, like, intuited.
	It's not meant to be, like, reasoned out.
	It's meant to be like, no, I know this thing is bad, the empty shelves, I feel in my heart That the empty shelves are bad.
	I also feel in my heart that socialism is bad.
	And communism is bad.
	So I'm doing the minimal logic of the associative property, where I am combining the two things that are bad.
	Socialism and empty shelves.
	This is socialism, folks.
	You look around you, you go up to the... You go up with your fucking money, your legal tender, and you try to buy food and supplies, and they're not there.
	That's socialism, folks.
	Yep, yep.
	And it's just like he says, while they can have that feeling, they can live in that existence, they can experience it right there, but because we just have this weird like Western arrogance, like we, even though we're experiencing it, we can disassociate from it and be like, oh this thing that's happening could also happen?
	Even though it's happening right then?
	It's just this weird arrogance that we have.
	It's so strange.
	It's a weird arrogance.
	It's just denial.
	It's just complete, like, denialism.
	You see this thing in front of you?
	It's the other thing, actually.
	It's actually an optical illusion.
	It's completely the opposite of what we have right now.
	We have capitalism and that's good, but the empty shelves are because of the Democrats.
	This is because we gave Bernie Sanders somewhat of a platform?
	That is why you have the toilet paper?
	Yeah, you didn't sacrifice the Jewish socialist to the sun god of capitalism, and that's why the harvest has been so poor right now.
	And yeah, it's just like, we have to reckon with this.
	Reckon with the empty shelves, with the panic, with the unpreparedness, the lack of preparation in the healthcare industry to meet something like this.
	We have to reckon with this all, you know, and some people just aren't having a good time.
	Some people aren't, like, able to do that.
	A lot of people are coming to the rightful conclusion that yes, we do need A nationwide healthcare system.
	A nationwide public healthcare system that could rapidly respond to this sort of event.
	And then other people who possibly have a monetary interest in doing so just, you know, blind their eyes to this sort of thing.
	Yeah.
	It's like, like, look, like Wall Street.
	Wall Street fucking tanking.
	Wall Street going, like, Down and down and down and down and down for like a week and a half straight.
	It's amazing.
	You love to see it.
	And then the Fed injecting $1.5 trillion into the banks.
	Trillion with a T. For that to last like 15 minutes until the line starts going down and down and down.
	It reminds me of that That Simpsons scene, where they get the elephant, they get Stampy, and they're trying to feed it, and Lisa's like, oh, I gathered some leafy greens and some herbs, and don't eat it too quickly, because it has to last you, and then the elephant just devours it in one bite.
	Yeah.
	She's like, oh, you ate it too fast.
	Yeah, you should have nibbled on it a little more.
	Yeah.
	And that's just, that's capitalism.
	That's like, and it's all for nothing.
	So, there was a good couple comments that I want to read from the Meaning Death Commandos Facebook group about this post.
	Okay, so this is a comment from Larry Gulliford who says, You're literally standing in line because of shortages caused by capitalism.
	The reason the stores are out is because all major corporations have adopted lean management and have structured their supply chains based on quote, uh, just-in-time logistics, which means they have virtually no backstock or on-site warehouses.
	All of this is being caused by capitalism.
	Uh, and I, I, that sounds right to me.
	I take that at face value.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's like, I don't know.
	It's, I mean, yeah, that's part of it.
	It seems like it's more efficient for companies to stock less, stock exactly what they think they might need to sell, uh, than to keep extra on hand in case of a crisis.
	And that's, what's kind of funny about the whole hysteria is that like, you know, the people who, the type of, The type of laborer who gets to stay home is not the truck driver, is not affecting the supply chain here.
	You know?
	Yes, exactly.
	We're gonna feel that bump in like nine months from importing.
	Like, that's it.
	it but think about you're gonna go to satyrs tomorrow you're worried about like the shelves not being stocked or whatever like think about who has to stock those shelves There's a person working who has to stock those shelves.
	There's a person working who has to transport the goods to the store to stock those shelves.
	There's people who have to manufacture those goods.
	Like, all those people are not going to get the fucking week off or two weeks off because of coronavirus.
	No way.
	Ben Abbott, again the dude who shared this into the group, responds, My fiance works at CVS in a college town.
	They're about to lose one-third of their staff, including pharmacy techs, because the college is closed and sent everybody home.
	Yep.
	The pharmacy is four days behind on script refills.
	This week, the front store had its most profitable day ever in more than 30 years of operation.
	Corporate is still complaining to them about using too many employee hours to keep the shelves stocked.
	Yep.
	It's that blatant.
	That's what capitalism is.
	Capitalism is never being satisfied.
	Yep.
	Capitalism is fucking over the consumer to the point where it's a four-day turnaround on your script refill, where normally I can get a prescription filled in a day. - Okay.
	In like half a day?
	In like six hours or so?
	I can get my prescription refilled?
	Capitalism is fucking over the consumer to this degree, making a shit ton of money, making a record amount of money, laying off one third of your staff, and still not being satisfied.
	How fucked is that, that even like, I mean, not that anyone deserves it more or less, but even like a pharma, like a pharmacy tech is getting seasonal work.
	Yeah.
	Because of the way this is all structured.
	Capitalism is just a voracious beast that is never set.
	It's like, you know how your stomach, like the more you eat, the more your stomach stretches out and it gets accustomed to like having more food or whatever.
	Yeah.
	It's like capitalism is like that to the nth degree.
	It's like you always have to be not just full but like having like your stomach rupture.
	You have to be constantly training.
	You have to be dunking hot dogs in soda and throwing them down your gullet and you train by getting like triple noodles every time you get ramen.
	Yeah, dunking the hot dogs in the water is like relaxing worker regulations and then like throwing the bun off the hot dog in order to fit more in is like getting rid of benefits for your employees.
	Yeah, exactly.
	And then your stomach still ruptures and you're overflowing with the bounty that is like chewed up hot dog and it's still not enough.
	Still not enough.
	So thanks to Larry and Ben for contributing to that post.
	Yeah, shout out y'all.
	One of the comments on this post is from Roger Wheeler.
	One of the comments on the post from Christy Trump, who stood, again, in line where everybody was, uh... What is it here?
	What does she say?
	Uh...
	Everyone is chatting and being super friendly with one another while we wait in line and she's like, oh fucking socialism!
	Don't you know that this is socialism, everybody?
	Everybody's like... Avoiding eye contact.
	Is no one gonna say anything?
	Yeah.
	Is nobody gonna talk about this socialism?
	Roger Wheeler comments, I know I keep saying this, but you young lady are awesome.
	I know, I say it all the time.
	As I read this, and thought of others I know your age, including my son, who worked tirelessly to save this great country, it brought a tears to my eyes.
	Thank you for all you do.
	A singular plural tear.
	That's one of the most fucked up sentences I've ever read on this show.
	Thank you for all your advocacy.
	I mean, Christy Trump, long lost daughter of Baron Trump, she's always doing really awesome things like wearing MAGA hats in line.
	When you were waiting in line and everybody was, you know, albeit participating in like hoarder crisis consumerism, They were still engaging nicely with each other.
	Uh, when your eyes rolled back into your head and you tilted your head backward and you screamed out the word VENEZUELA it brought a tear to my eye.
	I could see just like her like jaw unhinging and just the word VENEZUELA like coming out of it like in block letters.
	When, when, when your, uh, When your American flag yoga pants ripped at the seams because your legs were flexing so hard when you said the word socialism, it brought a tear to my eye.
	It did.
	Thank you for all you do.
	I appreciate you.
	And I went to Roger Wheeler's Facebook page because I just I love looking at these simps.
	I love looking at these simps.
	Roger Wheeler has him and his wife in his profile picture and he's still like, God you're such a blessing to my timeline.
	I don't know, maybe they're doing it together.
	Maybe his wife is also respecting Ms.
	Trump.
	Okay, that's pretty optimistic given what Roger Wheeler's cover photo is.
	True.
	Which is a coffee mug.
	It's a speckled camper coffee looking mug, which is kind of the best kind of coffee mug.
	What's up there?
	There's text on it that says... This is the cover photo.
	It's a cover photo of a coffee mug, okay?
	Of a mug.
	And it's not a product photo.
	This is a photo that Roger took himself.
	of his coffee mug that says if you want the best seat in the boat you will have to move the dog which has been crossed out the word dog has been crossed out and then underneath that written in red pen it says quote wife end quote Yeah, it's custom.
	It's Sharpie custom.
	And I like that they were thorough and they used a black marker to cross out the word dog and then a red marker to write the word wife in quotes.
	To really show, like, the edit.
	So you know it's a Roger Wheeler original.
	Yeah.
	Because the rest of the font is in black.
	Dog is in black.
	He's crossed out the giant dog, all caps, in black marker, like you said, Tony.
	But then, quote, and I'm not quoting.
	The mug has the quotes on it.
	Quote, wife, end quote, in red.
	Well, that actually explains a lot about why he's simping so hard on the internet.
	Because, see, that's just his quote, wife.
	Just his quote, wife.
	Yeah, uh, my so-called wife.
	Yeah.
	Why isn't that a TV show?
	The sad thing is the woman in the photo is actually his ex-wife from a long, long time ago.
	And she really hates that he uses this photo.
	What if Roger Wheeler is actually a gay man and his quote wife is a lesbian woman?
	Who had to marry him to get, you know, benefits from his pension or benefits from the health care or benefits from citizenship or whatever.
	And that's why he's including, quote, wife to let, you know, the men know that he's still on the market, baby.
	Okay, okay, that's smart.
	Now this is when the sitcom My So-Called Wife comes together.
	There it is.
	People talk about horny boomers.
	Make fun of boomers being horny on the internet.
	Simping for Magibrods like this one.
	I will take the horny boomer 100% over the I hate my wife boomer.
	Oh, absolutely.
	Yeah.
	The horny boomer has some self-respect in there.
	They are saying what they want.
	They're going out and trying to get it in whatever method they know how to do.
	The I-hate-my-wife boomer is a pathetic figure.
	They are a figure that is to be despised.
	They are utterly reprehensible, not only because of the misogyny, but also just because of...
	The lack of self-respect.
	The lack of, uh... agency.
	The lack of it, you know?
	Well, it's just fucked up because, like, the horny boomer, they kind of, like, spread their, like, their grossisms kind of everywhere.
	They kind of sprinkle it everywhere.
	But, like, that hate my wife guy, it's concentrated on one poor woman.
	On, like, one poor... and it just feels so much worse because, like, you, like, you know, you just...
	You just see it all dumped on one person and it's hard to watch.
	I'd rather see it's kind of like dosed here, out here and there.
	Like little bits.
	It's diffused among the population.
	People that get to go home afterwards.
	And not like with him.
	Yeah.
	That's a really good point.
	That's a very good point.
	It gets like diluted among the entire population of Facebook.
	Just the one woman he hates at home.
	Because the reason I'm saying this is because I thought of this mug, but in the horny boomer fashion.
	It would be, if you want the best seat on the boat, it's my face.
	Yeah, oh for sure.
	For sure.
	you want the best seat on the boat, you have to move my sunglasses.
	That would be the superior meme, I think.
	Yeah, I like that.
	Because that's, like, consideration of the person you're being horny at.
	Like, yeah, you're being horny at them, and you're subjecting them to your horniness, but also, like, it's a selfless act.
	Like, you're gonna pleasure them, hopefully.
	You know, you're gonna try, at least.
	Yeah.
	It's a little more selfless simping, you know?
	It's just being horny for the sake of horniness so that everybody has a good time.
	Yeah, it's a, yeah, I like that.
	It reminds me of, I watched, I didn't watch it all, but I watched a little bit of the, what is it, The Beach Bum?
	What's that movie?
	Oh, uh, is it called Beach Bum?
	I think it's called Beach Bum, isn't it?
	Yeah, I think, what are you talking about?
	It's a Harmony Corrine movie.
	Yeah, it's like on Netflix right now.
	Yeah, I watched a little bit of it, and he's just eating pussy like left and right.
	That's like what he does.
	And I'm like, yeah, okay.
	Like, you can be a gross, horny old man, but if you're eating pussy, like, that's good.
	That's the way to do it.
	You're at least being, like, you know, more generous about it.
	Well, it's not even generous.
	It's like you enjoy, like, what's right about sex.
	Like, that's what's right about sex is, like, making sure everybody has a good time.
	Like, that's the good part about having sex.
	And, like, if that turns you on, then that's a good sign.
	Exactly, yeah.
	That's a good thing.
	You're right, you're right.
	And then Roger Wheeler also has a profile pic of his 10-year-old, 9-year-old, and 3-year-old grandchildren holding rifles.
	Yeah, holding AR-15s.
	Okay, cool man.
	So, let's move on to the second part of this episode.
	What are we doing on time?
	What do you think, Tony?
	I don't know.
	Alright, let's save this.
	Let's save this for the bonus episode.
	Yeah, I think so, because we did it.
	I think that's a pretty nice little spread.
	Spread on Coronavirus while also being pretty damn, pretty damn, there's just some variety in there.
	We got a good bonus episode coming out on Patreon this week.
	This is a good plug for Patreon, I think.
	Hey, we do a bonus episode every week at Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
	P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult.
	$3.11 a month gets you a bonus episode every week.
	So like I alluded to, I am working like 14 hour days at UPS right now because people are ordering a bunch of shit instead of going out and buying it.
	And also Amazon apparently like laid off a bunch of their delivery drivers and UPS was like, hey, we'll take all that volume.
	That sounds cool.
	We'll do it.
	We'll do it.
	We don't care.
	We don't care about our workers.
	Having time to sleep or eat or shop or do their laundry or anything like that.
	We will take that volume.
	So, we weren't able to release a free episode last week, but we were still able to release a Patreon episode, which we will do every week.
	Even if my work schedule is fucked and there's no free episode, there's going to be a Patreon episode.
	We make sure to serve our people first.
	That's how it works.
	Okay, if you subscribe to the Patreon, you get a bonus episode every week, whether or not my work schedule's fucked, whether or not there was a free episode.
	Last week's episode was with Arish Singh, a Chicago-based comedian, a dude who works in leftist activist circles.
	He runs a comedy show called The Monkey Wrench, live in Chicago.
	It was a fun episode all about The dichotomy between upstate New York versus New York City?
	What was the second half of that episode, Tony?
	Oh man, what was the second half of that episode?
	Oh, it was Gordon Ramsey refusing to serve Trump when Trump visited England, right?
	It was people losing their goddamn minds about Gordon Ramsey saying no thank you to serving Trump at Buckingham Palace or wherever.
	Yeah, the sheer disrespect.
	Very fun episode.
	Subscribe there, support the show.
	We would greatly appreciate it.
	Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
	Thanks for listening.
	You can contact us at MinionDeathCult at gmail.com, MinionDeathCult on all the social media apps, and join that Facebook group.
	The group is called Minion Death Commandos.
	And thanks for listening, everybody.
	Bye.
	Thank you.
	See y'all.

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