Minion Death Cult - You are struggling honeybun! (clip)
Aired: 2019-11-08
Duration: 04:54


=== Mom Texts Segment (03:39) ===

[00:00:00]  And for this segment, we're going to be talking about one of his segments on The Five, and I think it's best if I just let Jesse Waters intro the segment himself.
[00:00:13]  A new edition of Mom Texts!
[00:00:16]  And we have so many.
[00:00:17]  This is just part one.
[00:00:18]  Part two is tomorrow.
[00:00:19]  She's been on a real tear.
[00:00:20]  Number one.
[00:00:21]  Jessie, stop making sweeping statements about individuals you don't know.
[00:00:25]  You are sounding like Joe McCarthy, an individual you clearly need to undertake some research about.
[00:00:30]  Weren't you a history major?
[00:00:32]  Wow.
[00:00:32]  Ouch.
[00:00:33]  That's your mother?
[00:00:34]  Oh yeah.
[00:00:36]  Okay.
[00:00:37]  So, stopping right there.
[00:00:39]  In case you couldn't make out what was going on, this is a segment, you know how like, I think it's Jimmy Kimmel, has a segment where celebrities read mean tweets about themselves?
[00:00:51]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:00:52]  I think it's Kimmel.
[00:00:53]  This is a Water's World segment where Jesse reads concerned tweets from his own mother.
[00:01:03]  Not even tweets, texts.
[00:01:04]  These are private messages.
[00:01:06]  Excuse me.
[00:01:07]  That's correct.
[00:01:07]  Concerned personal texts.
[00:01:11]  A mother worried about the direction her son's life is heading in.
[00:01:16]  And this is used as, like, content for Jesse Watters' show.
[00:01:23]  And the way I said that maybe makes it seem like I'm worried that he's exploiting his mother.
[00:01:28]  I don't think that's what's going on here.
[00:01:33]  In any other context, that is what will be happening, but because his mother is his mother, who we learned is pretty great, it's not the same thing.
[00:01:40]  She seems pretty cool.
[00:01:41]  No, the more confusing or concerning part of this segment is just, I don't understand why he would do it.
[00:01:50]  Yeah.
[00:01:51]  I don't, I don't really... All he's saying is like, I'm so fucked up, even my mom thinks so.
[00:01:56]  I don't really follow, like...
[00:02:00]  The idea behind the, like, celebrities read mean tweets about themselves thing is that, uh, those are jokes.
[00:02:10]  Like, the celebrities are reading, like, roasts about themselves.
[00:02:13]  Like, you look like a bowling ball in a picnic basket with a wig on top.
[00:02:19]  You know, whatever.
[00:02:20]  Like, there's some, like, element of joke or humor in this.
[00:02:25]  This is just literally, like, you're sounding kind of like a political demagogue, and you're not really, uh, you're getting a little histrionic on camera, Jesse.
[00:02:36]  I'm worried about, like, your reputation, about your, I don't know, your very soul.
[00:02:42]  Yeah.
[00:02:43]  You're smarter than this.
[00:02:45]  And he doesn't even riff on it?
[00:02:49]  No, like I had to cut that off really quickly so he didn't just start reading the next text.
[00:02:58]  The only content is just him reading his mother's disappointment and then everybody like laughs at what a firebrand this mother is and then they move on to the next one.
[00:03:11]  That's the laugh line.
[00:03:12]  The laugh line is just like, like, hey, you're really starting to sound like out of your mind.
[00:03:16]  And they're like, oh, oh, mom.
[00:03:19]  Mom just doesn't get it.
[00:03:21]  Wow.
[00:03:21]  She's a real pistol, that one.
[00:03:23]  Yeah.

=== Sweeping Statements Matter (01:29) ===

[00:03:26]  Jesse, stop making sweeping statements about individuals you don't know.
[00:03:31]  You are sounding like Joe McCarthy, an individual you clearly need to undertake some research about.
[00:03:37]  Weren't you a history major?
[00:03:39]  Yeah.
[00:03:41]  Dude, if my mom sent me this text, I would be gutted.
[00:03:47]  Yeah, you'd have to really reflect.
[00:03:49]  I would be emotionally crippled for like half a week.
[00:03:54]  Easy.
[00:03:54]  Easily.
[00:03:56]  My mom was like, what are you doing?
[00:03:57]  You sound awful.
[00:03:59]  You sound like a fascist on TV, or you sound like a demagogue.
[00:04:04]  You sound like an ignorant fool.
[00:04:07]  Yeah.
[00:04:07]  Okay.
[00:04:09]  Right, mom?
[00:04:09]  Because coming from a lot of people, you'd be like, all right, cool, fuck off.
[00:04:12]  But it's your mom.
[00:04:15]  Who, in this case, you know, he seems to have a relationship with, he seems to have like I mean, there's some sort of loving base there, you know?
[00:04:24]  She cares about him, obviously.
[00:04:26]  Yeah, we can go further.
[00:04:29]  Their relationship kind of fleshes out across a couple more of these texts.
[00:04:36]  The next one is, I hope your squad criticism can be just a tad more measured today.
[00:04:45]  Perhaps try not to communicate such disdain for diversity.
[00:04:50]  Please don't sound like an old white guy who lacks any understanding of otherness.