Minion Death Cult - Police Officer Forgot He Took A Bite From His Sandwich (Clip)
Aired: 2019-08-01
Duration: 05:09


=== Someone Took a Bite Out of My Sandwich (03:39) ===

[00:00:00]  Yeah, so not only is this extremely stupid, it's also extremely cruel.
[00:00:07]  It's petty and cruel and vindictive.
[00:00:11]  Which is, you know, of course a pattern of behavior we've come to associate with the far-right authoritarian figures in this country.
[00:00:20]  But yeah, just determined to go get somebody fired because you forgot you bit your own sandwich.
[00:00:28]  Yeah.
[00:00:29]  I can't think of a more, like, cruel and stupid story.
[00:00:33]  Like, like, this, this should have just been like, he goes to McDonald's and says, hey, someone took a bite out of my sandwich.
[00:00:39]  Like, oh shit, for real, that's crazy.
[00:00:40]  I'm sorry about that.
[00:00:41]  Here's a free sandwich.
[00:00:43]  And then it could have been done.
[00:00:44]  He wouldn't accept it.
[00:00:45]  He wouldn't.
[00:00:46]  Yeah.
[00:00:46]  They offered it to him.
[00:00:47]  You heard it in the news report.
[00:00:49]  There's no way.
[00:00:50]  No, no.
[00:00:51]  It's like, that's not, it's the principle.
[00:00:53]  Yeah, man.
[00:00:54]  The principle is get a sandwich, bro.
[00:00:56]  I would be thrilled.
[00:00:57]  I mean, A, this probably wouldn't happen to me because I'm not a fuckin' freak who leaves fresh, fast food in the fridge for seven freakin' hours.
[00:01:09]  But B, yeah, if your food gets fucked up and they're like, hey, here's more free food of the kind you like, I'd be like, fuck yeah, dude, came up.
[00:01:17]  Fuck up my food again tomorrow.
[00:01:19]  Yeah please.
[00:01:20]  And also like how many sandwiches do you think he had because no one took a bite of a sandwich and put it in the fridge.
[00:01:26]  That was like sandwich number four.
[00:01:28]  He took a bite and said you know what I don't need this one right now.
[00:01:31]  Wrapped it up put it away.
[00:01:32]  Dude that's probably it.
[00:01:33]  The thing is and it's it's the worst bite too because it's all bun.
[00:01:39]  He shows the sandwich on camera.
[00:01:42]  He preserves the evidence.
[00:01:44]  And he opens up the sandwich.
[00:01:46]  There's a clear bite.
[00:01:47]  There's a clear semicircle out of the bun.
[00:01:49]  But when he opens it up, the chicken patty is intact.
[00:01:53]  Yeah, it's like no fluff.
[00:01:57]  He was just amazed.
[00:01:58]  This is dry.
[00:01:59]  This is bullshit.
[00:02:00]  I'll save this for later.
[00:02:01]  Dude must just have like the gnarliest underbite.
[00:02:06]  Match that shit up with dental records.
[00:02:08]  That should be your first go-to.
[00:02:12]  Well, I see the bottom bun is almost all the way gone, but the patty on the top bun is still very much intact.
[00:02:19]  One thing we have to talk about with this is a fucking news station.
[00:02:24]  This isn't Fox News.
[00:02:26]  This isn't like, you know, some sensationalized online, you know, blaze or Daily Wire or something like that.
[00:02:34]  This is supposedly local journalism, the kind that we're supposed to be lamenting the disappearance of.
[00:02:41]  Yeah.
[00:02:42]  And they said, oh, this cop told us someone bit his sandwich.
[00:02:48]  And it's true!
[00:02:49]  It actually happened.
[00:02:52]  And not only did it actually happen without providing any evidence except a receipt for the purchase of a full sandwich.
[00:03:01]  Not only are we going to report that it happened, we're just going to report on this story at all.
[00:03:07]  At all.
[00:03:09]  This is news.
[00:03:11]  Why did he get to be a secret, but the McDonald's he went to didn't get to be a secret?
[00:03:15]  I can't believe I'm defending McDonald's right now, but you know what I'm saying.
[00:03:19]  Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying, bro.
[00:03:22]  Thanks, man.
[00:03:22]  Thank you.

=== Conditioned To Believe (01:43) ===

[00:03:27]  The idea, too, that McDonald's is just willing to bend over backwards, like, oh, here are our employee logs, uh, officers.
[00:03:37]  Here's, like, personal information about our employees.
[00:03:41]  We're going to harass our employees on behalf of you guys.
[00:03:44]  Uh, please, please don't, like, say you don't like us, or whatever.
[00:03:50]  Oh yeah, absolutely.
[00:03:51]  I mean, if they want to have like a really effective, you know, raid, they could just... I can just go to McDonald's.
[00:03:58]  They would turn over everything.
[00:04:01]  So yeah, troubling to say the least.
[00:04:03]  The just total capitulation of both our news institutions, journalistic institutions.
[00:04:12]  Am I stretching that phrase a little too far?
[00:04:14]  No, you're good.
[00:04:16]  And also our corporate masters.
[00:04:19]  Just the total subservience of both of these industries to the police.
[00:04:25]  Fairly troubling.
[00:04:26]  But this is something we of course already know the way that The way that journalistic outlets just reproduce police briefings as fact.
[00:04:41]  Just print police reports as fact.
[00:04:46]  This is it.
[00:04:50]  Conditioned, just as, you know, citizens of this country, as people in this country, we're conditioned to say, well, what does the police report say?
[00:04:59]  Let's get just, you know, no nonsense, no opinion, no spin.
[00:05:05]  What does the police report say?
[00:05:06]  And this is the kind of shit the police report says.