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May 14, 2018 - Minion Death Cult

01:52:24

41 - FreelANce moNkeY AsSaSsins (Iran / Diaper Consent)

In a supersized episode this week, we cover the dissolution of the Iran deal and the celebratory fervor it unleashed in the Death Cult but, more importantly, we talk about the viral idea of "diaper-change consent" between parents and toddlers, and how it's setting the world ablaze. Subscribe to Patreon.com/miniondeathcult for a premium episode every Thursday including all past episodes

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	The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
	So stay tuned, we're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
	It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
	Stay tuned guys.
	We'll show you exactly what it looks like when people are going to get you.
	All their environmental stuff.
	Stay tuned.
	I'm on drugs.
	I'm I'm on fire.
	And I'm Alexander Edward.
	And I'm Mountain Mart.
	And I'm Tony Boswell.
	And we are Minion Death Cult.
	The world is ending.
	Your dad's Facebook feed is responsible.
	We're documenting it.
	God damn it, dad.
	We got a few things to talk about up front before we get to this Semi-depressing, semi-hilarious episode.
	It's so good how we intro'd that.
	I just ruined it right now.
	Continuing to ruin it.
	But first, we gotta thank our patrons, our newest patrons.
	$3 a month gets you access to every bonus episode, every weekly premium episode.
	We drop them on Thursdays now.
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	An amazing deal.
	We gotta shout out Ashley, Amanda, Tom, Rex, or Kenneth.
	Which is it?
	Make up your mind!
	Also, Joshua.
	Thank you so much, folks.
	Wait, why?
	I don't see Kenneth anywhere.
	Who are you talking about?
	Me and Kenneth, Rex's neighbors go way back.
	Hey, you guys got a thing going.
	A friendship.
	A pal-hood.
	Oh, that's neat.
	Yeah.
	So, uh, he, uh...
	Kenneth is one of the few people that is in the That Awful Sound Facebook group and the Uncle Adams original posting Facebook group.
	So we've been through a lot together.
	Yeah, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about Uncle Adams.
	I don't know that guy.
	Yeah, don't worry about it, man.
	Some of us want to be original.
	Some of us want to be the same like everybody else is.
	Some of you are some fucking internet nerds.
	Alright, so thank you so much to our newest patrons.
	This thing is cool.
	Three bucks a month.
	Get a code that you plug into your podcast app and it's a brand new show.
	It's a tandem show.
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	Last week was all about the This Is America music video and all the racism that you can imagine that entailed.
	A very fun, wild episode.
	I don't even remember what the palate cleanser was on that one.
	Uh, me neither.
	Oh, it was John McCain's funeral.
	John McCain's imminent death.
	The guy dying.
	It was like 300 people telling John McCain to burn in hell.
	To go die.
	It's pretty good.
	So yeah, Patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
	And we also have a response from a listener.
	This listener commented on one of the Facebook posts.
	I'm stalling because I'm pulling up the...
	Listen to Over My Dead Body, dude.
	Yep.
	Tight.
	Okay, so Jenny had a response to our Boy Scouts of America BS Scouts BSA episode.
	This is something you can do if you want to point something out to us, if you have, you know, a disagreement with us, if you have something to criticize, please always feel free to write in MinionDeathCult at gmail.com.
	Facebook page, facebook.com slash MinionDeathCult.
	PM us on Instagram.
	We got a very, very lovely PM on Instagram from a listener.
	Thank you so much for writing in.
	Very heartwarming stuff.
	But Jenny had something to say about the Scouts BSA episode.
	I wanted to reply on Facebook, but I didn't have time, so we're just gonna do it here.
	We were gonna do it here anyway, but...
	Yeah, so she says, I think you guys are great, interesting, etc.
	etc.
	I don't like that.
	Cutting out some more positive adjectives that she could have used to describe us, but that's okay.
	But man, do some research before you just slam on the Girl Scouts.
	It's not as easy and progressive as you guys think.
	So, I don't feel like we necessarily slammed on the Girl Scouts, mostly because I don't know anything about the Girl Scouts.
	I was literally just repeating anecdotes that people who had been involved in Girl Scouts told me, and these were people who were talking to me specifically in the context of This news about Scouts BSA opening their doors to girls and saying how those girls personally would have been much more interested in this sort of curriculum that the Boy Scouts provided and I know that there's a stereotype about
	All Girl Scouts do is sell cookies.
	I know that at least that is inaccurate, but what these girls and women had expressed to me was that it was not nearly as outdoorsy or survivalist as they were looking for.
	So if what I said seemed to criticize the Girl Scouts, I apologize for that.
	Did you have anything to say before we keep going?
	No, not really.
	Just other than, personally, I may have been dismissive about the Girl Scouts because I don't know much about them.
	I mean, as an objective observer, all I do know about them is the cookies.
	I'm being honest.
	I'm just being blunt.
	But I'm sorry for being dismissive, Jenny.
	Just being dismissive and, you know, and not doing that damn research before I slam dunked the Girl Scouts.
	Well, that's another thing.
	We record this show flying by the seat of our fucking pants.
	Sure do.
	It takes every ounce of our free time just to put the show together as it is.
	To do additional research to at all educate ourselves about any of the things we're talking about is like a bridge too far.
	Yeah, we're just doing comedy here, folks.
	If I elaborate on these topics at all, it's because I already have this knowledge, organically, just by reading about these subjects.
	It's very rare that I'm actually able to go research these topics in addition to what I already know.
	And I've said it on the show before, if you listen from episode one to now, you'll hear my personal, Mountain Matt's personal journey into politics.
	It's been such a journey.
	And like, you know, I just will say shit and like we're just people and like that's what we're doing Like we're not like that's that's all there is to it like just folks Yeah, it's not as easy and progressive as you guys think remember the actual Boy Scouts history conservative loving Trump anti-gay and misogynistic to absolutely yeah, I personally want to apologize for not going in on the BSA as I should have because I think I'm on record saying I might don't really fuck with them because You did.
	You said that them allowing girls might be a step in the right direction, but you still wouldn't let your daughter join as it is.
	Yeah, because I was part of that.
	They're a bunch of conservative squares.
	Yeah, I feel like we did address that, but it was just briefly.
	I called them a little American National Soldier machine, but it was in passing.
	So, Girl Scouts USA is the only organization that is progressive and feminist, diverse, and also, yes, girls go camping and do archery, and also Girl Scouts is big into STEM and women's leadership.
	Okay, that's important stuff.
	I did not verify this, but I believe you, Jenny, so that's an important thing to note.
	Uh, the BS move is... BS as in Boy Scouts.
	The Boy Scouts move is about saving a dying organization by poaching girls from an actual progressive organization that is way more than cookies and crafts.
	Girl Scouts teaches girls about leadership, self-esteem, business, and also amazing life skills without the added baggage, excuse me, of misogyny.
	Don't add to it, dudes.
	Boy Scouts angering conservatives doesn't mean their move is progressive.
	It's angering a lot of moms of girls and feminist women, too.
	Okay, so yes, just because something makes conservatives mad does not mean it's progressive.
	Absolutely.
	However, I'm gonna push back a little bit here on Jenny and say that I still feel like it's a good move for Boy Scouts to open their doors to girls.
	Is it a cynical move?
	Absolutely.
	They're only doing it now because, like you said, they're dying.
	Are the Girl Scouts progressive?
	They support Planned Parenthood and, like she says here, they're big into STEM and women's leadership.
	So, progressive in that sense, at least.
	That's cool for an organization, for sure.
	So thank you so much, Jenny, for writing it.
	I hope we clarified some of our positions on this and also...
	You know, added more information to the conversation.
	Yeah, and hit us back too.
	And like, we don't want to lose you, so hit us back.
	I don't want to like completely, you know, shit on Jenny over here, but when you give us a compliment sandwich, it needs a bottom bread too, okay?
	Hit us with a compliment in the beginning.
	Yeah, we're sensitive.
	And I really just like, clench my teeth through that legitimate, you know, critique and then just no love at the end.
	Thank you.
	Just an XOXO.
	No, seriously, thank you.
	We do love feedback, so keep it up.
	Appreciate you.
	Thank you.
	All right, so this week we're talking about the Iran deal and how it's been scuttled by the alpha macho deal-making big dog in chief, Donald Trump.
	And we're also talking about an amazing viral sensation that involves consent And babies in diapers.
	That's all you gotta know.
	That's all you need to know.
	For now.
	Stick around for that.
	We got you hook, line, and sinker now.
	So with the Iran deal, just a little bit of background.
	Trump cancelled it.
	The Iran deal was put in place to try and work with Iran to give them an incentive not to build a nuclear device, to get some sort of, what do you call it, there's some commitment from them, some oversight over their nuclear program, which we had.
	We had oversight.
	We had a commitment from them.
	And also just to sort of establish a relationship with them.
	Kind of helps when they're one of the major powers in the Middle East area, in the Eastern area.
	But, no.
	This was one of the things that Donald Trump said he was going to cancel, and he canceled it.
	This was one of his campaign promises, and he delivered.
	Yeah, I mean, it's stupid.
	It sucks.
	We should definitely be working toward denuclearization across the board.
	Yeah, for sure.
	This is the only way to do it, other than nuking them first.
	You know what I mean?
	It's this or war.
	You know what's crazy though?
	Just the sentiment of us overseeing their nuclear development, that is crazy too.
	Fuck man, let them be a country.
	Let them be a fucking country and do what they're gonna do.
	To me, them having nuclear power is them getting on level with every other Well, I recognize that they have an interest in being on par with the other countries, and a rational actor would want to have nukes if everybody around you has nukes, but from an outside perspective, the less nukes, the better.
	And if we can somehow, you know, make a deal, make a...
	An agreement with what seven countries and including Iran to to help prevent that then cool.
	You know, I think that that's one one less nuclear country is better.
	Yeah, play the dumb guy real quick again.
	So I think and correct me if I'm wrong nuclear power and nuclear weapon development.
	They kind of go hand in hand under the nuclear clauses that are administered over these countries or whatever.
	No, they're allowed to enrich uranium up to a certain point.
	They're allowed to enrich uranium up to the point that they can create nuclear power.
	And I don't mean that in the sense that they are a nuclear power.
	I mean that they can literally use nuclear power to run their fucking country.
	And that's separate from weapons development.
	It's along the way to weapons development.
	It is kind of under the same umbrella, sort of.
	Well, it's included in the agreement, if that's what you're saying, but the agreement allowed them to enrich uranium up to a certain point so that they could still, you know, use it as energy.
	I guess I was just saying, I don't think, I think they should have energy.
	Like, that's what I meant, of being on par with other countries.
	Oh, totally, yeah.
	And that's what this is about.
	We need, like, real good vibes over there, you know, real chill energy.
	Yeah.
	Just keep that energy at like only 80% enriched.
	Yeah, that's it dude.
	Then we'll be cool with you.
	Keep it chill.
	Yeah.
	Okay, so this is a post in the Deplorables group that had fucking thousands of comments and it was an ABC News video that was shared into the group.
	of Adam Schiff saying that Trump broke the U.S.' 's word by withdrawing from the Iran deal.
	Quote, it's one thing for the president to break his own word.
	He does that seemingly all the time.
	Got him.
	But it's another when the president breaks the word of the United States.
	I kind of agree with this.
	It's like... It's a diplomacy thing.
	It wasn't a treaty, as we'll learn throughout this post, but it was an agreement.
	It was a, you know, a pact with seven different nations and you're supposed to kind of honor those things even if you're An exiting leader, or even if you're a new leader, especially if you want to make another pact with a different nuclear country.
	Yeah.
	Like North Korea, for instance.
	Yeah.
	Like now we can't be taken seriously, because we can just go, you know, never mind.
	It's like... Yeah, Raul Fernandez shares this into the Deplorables group and says, in all caps, I'll say it in simple words so your pea brain can understand.
	You are an idiot.
	No, he didn't say in.
	You are a idiot.
	Yeah, thank you.
	We have to highlight the bad grammar here.
	And I love a share like this because it's not issuing a political statement.
	It's not making a logical point at all.
	It's just saying, you're an idiot!
	You're a bad guy!
	And it gets a thousand comments.
	I mean, you know, as it were, type shit here.
	Like, I try to share stuff and I try to seed stuff into the deplorables group and make it, like, you know, go semi-viral within the group.
	Like trolling or what?
	Not even trolling, just to get their reactions on stuff that I know would be, like, a trigger for them.
	And it doesn't work because I don't have this, like... My brain is the size of a pea, apparently.
	Yeah, you're not an idiot like this fuck.
	You got too many filters.
	You're censored too much.
	Where they get to tell it like it is.
	They get to really stick it to them.
	No filter, baby.
	That's what this, you know, Donald Trump being voted off as TARDIS is.
	You gotta tell it like it is.
	I need to just get super drunk.
	We need real straight, exactly.
	We need to get super drunk.
	No cap, no filter.
	All drunk.
	Yeah, all drunk.
	Dana Fabian says, Iran never signed it.
	Israel has proof they are developing nukes.
	Obama is not a businessman or a respected man and failed miserably.
	Go Trump.
	Okay.
	I love this.
	Obama is not a businessman or a respected man.
	Yeah, I love that too.
	It's like our caliber for presidents now is Donald Trump.
	And like, if you were a businessman, you have to have been a businessman.
	Yeah, Obama is not a businessman, therefore he had no business being in the White House.
	I love businessman, which is like your profession, right next to respected-man.
	He's neither a businessman nor a respected-man.
	Yeah.
	But, okay, so... That was definitely, during the talks, you know, they said, you know, you're not really a businessman, and I don't really respect you, but I'm gonna go ahead and sign this anyways.
	Yeah.
	That's how it went down.
	And Obama said, no, I'm not a businessman.
	I'm a business man.
	So Iran never signed it.
	OK, so this is this is our pedantry of the week.
	This is our it's not a democracy.
	It's a constitutional republic of the week.
	Yeah.
	Go into any comment section in the right wing sphere about this deal and You'll learn that Iran never signed the deal.
	It was null and void.
	It was never ratified.
	They just looked at it and walked away.
	Iran never signed the NDA, therefore it's null and void, and they can go on to talk about how they fucked Obama.
	What kind of fact is that?
	Is that a fact?
	They never signed it?
	It's a fact because it's not a treaty.
	It wasn't a treaty, it was just an agreement.
	And basically, the idea, you'll see this a lot, it was not legally binding.
	Did you know that Iran had no legal obligation to adhere to this deal?
	And it's like, who would they be liable to?
	Us, dude.
	The US.
	Which you're not cool with, I don't think.
	You're talking about some sort of overarching one world order who would have to police a deal among nations.
	Yeah.
	Which you're not cool with, I don't think.
	No.
	So it's this weird, like, pedantic thing of like, well, it wasn't even legally binding.
	And it's like, well, no, that's the point of having the sanctions, having the threat of sanctions and having the oversight is like, if at any moment any of these countries felt that Iran was breaking the deal, they could just put sanctions back on them.
	It's like a practical thing it's like okay you might not be breaking a law but I'm gonna just take your shit if you don't do what I want you to do.
	Yeah.
	Another thing here is Israel has proof they are developing nukes.
	Okay, so do you guys, did you guys see Bibi Netanyahu's PowerPoint presentation?
	Oh, yeah.
	No, I saw like clips of it, but I fucking hate that guy.
	So, Netanyahu's intelligence service like...
	uh got a bunch of data got like this massive data storage from Iran and it's old it's it's like 10 years old the information on there and it shows their plans to develop nuclear weapons that they've that they've been working on for the last 20 years 30 years yeah however long They're just really far behind for some reason?
	He presented it as if it were current information, but he never came out and said, this is current information.
	He never came out and said, this is old information.
	He just said, I found this.
	He found it and he used it to imply that Iran was breaking the nuclear deal.
	And this happened right before Trump exited the agreement.
	So that's a big factor in why this happened.
	David Evans says, ever see any other American president kiss ass like this?
	That's why we have to break this lopsided deal.
	Kiss ass like what, Alex?
	And he posts what surely has to be an undoctored photograph of the Ayatollah seated in a chair.
	And Obama bent at a 90 degree angle bowing to him.
	And it's like so obvious that they just took Obama's torso from another photograph and rotated it 90 degrees and then put it over somebody else's legs.
	And the Eitel just like staring at the top of his head.
	I just figured out the best way to describe this posture, because he's bending, bowing to the Ayatollah, but yeah, knees aren't bent at all.
	He's standing the same way that Jim Carrey stands when he makes his butt talk.
	Do you guys remember?
	That's exactly it.
	Oh yeah, that's like the scene.
	Straight knee, bent over at the waist, grabbing your butt cheeks.
	That's what he looks like.
	I mean, it's kind of amazing that he's pointed toward the Ayatollah instead of away, because we all know Obama's on the receiving end.
	But I feel like Trump would make his butt talk to Ayatollah in a mocking way.
	And then replying to this, uh, Roland Bakke says, Oh Bumble, always looking for coins on the floor.
	You know that Obama stereotype where he's always looking for coins on the floor?
	Gotta pick up all that, he's gotta pick up money off the floor to make up for that debt that he created.
	Just kidding.
	I love, yeah, yeah.
	Oh Bumble, you put on some, uh... You put on some turnstile, and dude's gonna be picking up change.
	Oh, Bumble's pretty fun.
	Oh, I saw so many, so many Obama nicknames that I hadn't... I just saw Oh Liar in here, which was really good.
	I love that one.
	That's tight, because it's like an Irish crossover.
	Oh Liar!
	You know the old liars were slaves too.
	Duh, dude.
	What it is is that Obama is actually really superstitious and he's always like, you know you all find a find a penny and pick it up all day long you'll have good luck.
	Was it a heads up?
	Was it a heads up penny?
	That's pretty good.
	Not bad.
	Actually, what he does is, you think he's looking for the penny for luck, but he's actually making sure that the penny is face down because he can't stand such an honorable Republican looking at him.
	Yeah, he has to flip it over.
	He can't stand seeing the legacy of Republicanism in front of him.
	Thomas Beasley says, you have to understand they wanted the deal so they could have an excuse to say Iran was breaking the deal and force us into another Middle Eastern war.
	Okay, this is a weird comment.
	Trump just screwed their chance to do it and now Israel will have to fight their own battles instead of having us do it for them as always.
	What?
	Okay.
	Thomas is obviously a couple moves ahead of us.
	Yeah, Thomas is 1,488 moves ahead of us.
	Yeah, no fucking shit.
	His profile pic is Andrew Jackson with, like, cool guy shades on.
	And he's got some, like, legit white power shit on his profile that we'll get into in just a second.
	You know, like, alt-right white power shit.
	The new kind.
	You have to understand they wanted the deal.
	Okay, so like Democrats or the Jews wanted the deal so they could have an excuse to say Iran was breaking the deal and force us into another Middle Eastern war.
	Yeah.
	You had to have a failed deal before going to war with a country?
	Since when has America ever had to have a failed deal before bombing somebody?
	All we need is a good military industrial lobbyist to get a war going.
	That's it.
	And we got a few of those, actually.
	All we need is a nice tailwind to save on gas and we'll go fucking do it.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Trump just screwed their chance to do it.
	So Thomas's point is that Trump pulled the rug out from under these warmongers by negating a diplomatic agreement with another country in the Middle East?
	Okay, I'm getting pissed now.
	It's just, it's reaching so hard.
	It's so desperate to make Trump their alt-right hero.
	Like, most of the alt-right has probably already, like, Trump literally exited the deal with Iran because he said they broke it.
	Trump's excuse was that, oh, they're not adhering to it.
	Oh, Bibi Netanyahu, you know what country he's in charge of?
	Israel.
	Wanted us out of this deal.
	Trump did it!
	This guy doesn't know what he's talking about.
	And now Israel will have to fight their own battles.
	We would not help Israel fight this battle.
	This guy's anti-Semitism is so fucking strong.
	So a post from his page says, you can't make this shit up.
	If you don't want to get into another foreign war that we have no business being in, then you're a wastes.
	Which is like mocking black people who call white people racist.
	Right.
	You're a oasis.
	Oh, that's amazing.
	White supremacist, like, das racist.
	Like, that's another one.
	Oh, like, oasis is a speech impediment type of?
	Yeah, yeah.
	You're a oasis.
	Fuck, dude, I hate- They make it feel like, only babies say, oh, the people are oasis.
	Like, that's the- Well, I think it's- Dude.
	Well, that's, I mean, it's kind of like a baby- It is, but I think there might be so many bonnocks.
	White supremacy is so goddamn corny that it always goes over my head, and I'm like, holy shit.
	It's good though.
	Then you're a racist white supremacist.
	Oh, I wonder who wrote this article.
	So the article says white supremacists defend Assad, warn Trump, don't let Israel force you into a war with Syria.
	The alt-right calls Saturday's chemical attack in Damascus suburb a false flag operation, claiming it's an effort by Israel and quote globalists to keep US troops in the Middle East.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I remember that.
	This was definitely an alt-right thing.
	A lot of people didn't want war in Syria for different reasons, but the alt-right definitely thought it was a false flag so that we could enter into another war on behalf of Israel.
	We only had the evidence of Assad gassing his people multiple times in the past.
	Like, right when it happened, I remember watching a fucking vice on it.
	Like, they didn't have documented proof who did it.
	General Mattis.
	No, they go in after the fact and they really study it.
	And it's been shown that... But that's what they're running.
	All my point was they're grabbing that and running with it.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's been shown that the rebels have used gas and the Syrian administration has used gas.
	Anyway, the point is, he has side-by-side pictures, screenshots of this article and headline, and then right next to it is the author's bio, Alison Kaplan Sommer, a journalist for Haaretz, and her writing has been published in the Jerusalem Post, blah blah blah.
	So basically he's saying, uh, A Jew wrote this.
	We're accused of being white supremacists for no reason, and look who's doing it.
	A Jew!
	I wonder why!
	Okay, kind of not making the point you want to make.
	Not at all.
	It's lost.
	This Jew thinks I'm a white supremacist for calling her a Jew.
	That makes sense.
	Yeah, because all this is, is the one thing that, one of the many things that Alright hates is anybody, you know, sympathizing with Jews.
	Yeah, definitely.
	They like hate that.
	Yeah, of course.
	And they want to call it something else, but it's like, of course, the Jews are pulling their wool over our eyes and making us think that they need another war for us to be occupied and keep us distracted over there.
	It's just blaming other fucking people for your problems.
	That's all there is to it.
	Plenty of non-Jewish people want war in the Middle East.
	Mostly non-Jewish people that want war in the Middle East.
	Matt and Leia... Okay, now this is a different thing.
	Okay, so these are comments from the official Donald Trump Facebook post where he posted a clip of the video of him announcing them cancelling the deal.
	Did you guys watch this video?
	Yeah.
	I listened.
	I heard it.
	It's so weird to watch him speak in front of cameras and read a teleprompter and how little energy he has and just listening to him.
	Breathe in through his nose between every sentence.
	It's disturbing.
	Low energy.
	Low T. I'll take a Trump at a campaign rally telling a crowd that he's got a bigger dick than Marco Rubio any day of the week.
	I agree.
	But Kevin Krause says, uh, you don't stop a bully by giving him your lunch money.
	Okay.
	This is a reference to the fact that, like, as part of the agreement, the Iran agreement, we lifted the sanctions and we gave them the money that we had been holding on to since, like, the 70s or something that they hadn't been able to access.
	It was their money that we put a freeze on.
	Exactly.
	So the idea is you don't stop a bully by giving him your lunch money.
	In this, this is a take I saw a couple times.
	In this take, Iran is the bully and your lunch money is their money that you literally took from them?
	Yep.
	There's not much to say about it.
	It's just a wild stretch.
	It's such projection and it's such martyrdom.
	It's such fake martyrdom.
	Don't give Kevin that much credit, dude.
	He doesn't know anything about the money.
	He doesn't know why they're getting the money.
	America, with thousands of bases stationed in every country on fucking Earth, is just the skinny nerd looking to stand up for themselves against the big, bad, not-even-nuclear-yet Iran.
	Yeah, that's right.
	That's the correct metaphor.
	He's really just, you know, pushing the weight around.
	America's just tired of getting stuffed in lockers.
	Yeah, Iran was always threatening us with the possibility of developing something we already have.
	The possibility of developing something we already have plenty of.
	I'm pretty sure Cheeto Man said that kind of shit in his campaign.
	Oh, we're tired of getting pushed around by the other countries.
	Oh yeah, he said they're laughing at us.
	That was part of his campaign, is they're laughing at us.
	He's bringing respect back to America.
	I said, you know, we're tired of getting stuffed in lockers, and yeah, we even won an Academy Award that movie, The Hurt Locker, all about America getting beaten up by countries in the Middle East.
	See you, Mark.
	Siamak Farrakhan says, Thanks again, Mr. President.
	Donald Trump is the most honest politician ever in the history of the United States.
	Diogenes that wandered around ancient Greece carrying a lantern and searching for an honest man was actually looking for a man like Donald Trump.
	Many thanks on behalf of all the Iranian people who love a free Iran without mullahs.
	Okay, so it's pretty weird that like we got a guy that's like talking about Diogenes and like knows that much and supports Trump.
	That's kind of cool.
	Like that's a new amount of intellect.
	No?
	No, there's a whole sect of like Other conspiracy folks that love Roman and Greek mythology.
	Oh yeah, that's my brother actually.
	Yeah, that's the alt-right.
	Yeah, they love that shit.
	Yeah, they love it.
	But I'm pretty sure that this person is coming from a specific lobbying group in the U.S.
	that is lobbying for regime change in Iran so that they can be in charge of Iran.
	I don't know enough to really elaborate on that, but there's a definite Small sect, uh, does that, how that works?
	Like when like, like say in Iraq where we pulled Saddam out and we put in whatever government we wanted to, right?
	Is that what happened?
	Well, you're backing a specific group.
	You, you, you, um, uh, where you give them your, uh, What did that chick at the DSA want us to do for that?
	Endorsement.
	Yeah, that's the word.
	It's much more than that.
	It's like you give them all your weapons and you pave the way for their ascendance.
	We sponsor them, basically.
	In Iraq, we set up a democracy too, right?
	After Saddam, technically.
	I'm doing air quotes here.
	Didn't we?
	Oh, no, supposedly, but it was like a very sectarian democracy.
	It wasn't a... Horseshit.
	It was like a minority government.
	Alright.
	I think.
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	Anyway.
	Whatever.
	No, I just love this.
	Fucking Diogenes wandered around ancient Greece carrying a lantern looking for Donald Trump.
	Yeah, that is crazy, dude.
	That's a weird picture in my head.
	You look like an honest man.
	Are you who I'm looking for?
	And Trump's just like...
	I'm an honest guy, standing there in this fucking suit, like, it's like, no, like, what the- that's just such a crazy- You want me to lie to you?
	What a crazy picture painted in my fucking head.
	I don't know, it's weird.
	This guy's going out real far here.
	Who is Plato's teacher?
	Uh, Eris- no.
	Aristotle was taught by Plato.
	Socrates.
	Socrates, yeah.
	By- not directly, indirectly.
	Yeah, Socrates said, the only thing I know is that I know nothing and that Trump is great.
	And Trump is great.
	I'm waiting for when he comes back to Earth.
	Or something.
	This is literally like the Simpsons bit where Mr. Burns just turns himself into the prophet of God in that film that he makes.
	It's like, Donald Trump, you truly are the king of kings.
	That is a terrifyingly common take throughout these things.
	That he is like... God-like.
	Like he's touched.
	Infallible.
	He's touched by God.
	He's a mouthpiece for God.
	It's almost like they think he's the second coming of Christ or some shit.
	They.
	It's almost like that.
	Tim Meinart says, I love this president, secure in my heterosexuality.
	I love this president, secure in my heterosexuality.
	One breath.
	I love this president, pause.
	Not even a pause, yeah.
	This is how corny white people do the pause game.
	Securing my heterosexuality.
	This isn't even no homo, this is like, he's serious about this.
	Yeah, he also seems like he might be insecure in his heterosexuality by saying this.
	No, he sounds so secure.
	Why else would he say it repeatedly?
	Okay, what?
	What's that?
	his word and could actually do more if lame-brained retraitor-kins would pitch in.
	Okay, what?
	What's that?
	Republicans.
	Okay, uh...
	Okay, so, like, all Republicans?
	Or is he talking about the ones that like Mitch McConnell and all that?
	Yeah.
	Oh yeah, oh that's right.
	I forgot, like the people who support Trump now, they hate Mitch McConnell and they like... Yeah, like RINOs.
	Yeah.
	Like those are, like John McCain's actually a Democrat.
	Retraderkins, dude?
	It looks like a...
	Like a dinosaur name or something when I see it.
	Looks like Race Trader.
	Cool band, for sure.
	cool band for sure uh today he said loudly piss on you carrie and your shadow bullshit quote how sweet it is and then two lollipop emojis so he's saying that trump said today loudly piss on you carrie and your shadow bullshit yep that's he did he say that i don't he didn't have to say of course carrie almost did it carrie almost did it
	but you know he almost really made it work man trump does believe in a shadow government huh but trump was like no um so So rather than, you know, oust you for doing this weird shadow government thing and get you for that, I'm just gonna go ahead and pull out of this shit.
	No, Kerry's actually already been arrested and we just, we haven't been briefed on it yet.
	That's true.
	He had this hologram that they got walking around.
	Shit.
	It's amazing they were able to find somebody as tall and square as John Kerry to mimic him.
	Rectangular as John Kerry.
	Yeah, that guy's a blockhead.
	Yeah, dude's just like the long Jenga piece.
	How sweet it is.
	Lollipop.
	Aren't they all the same size Jenga pieces?
	Yeah, I meant to say Tetris piece.
	Nice, that was a good catch there.
	Fucking got you.
	Got you on your shit there, Alex.
	I mean, nobody probably would have questioned it.
	Alex doesn't know shit about Jenga.
	Yeah, dude.
	I've just got Russia on the brain, so I'm thinking... You know, because Russia did it.
	Russia did this.
	Yeah, Russia!
	Yeah, and then Kirsten replies to how sweet it is with, and carries, quote, James Taylor, you got a friend bullshit, LOL.
	What?
	How old are you?
	Did you go on Kirsten's fucking page at all?
	No, she's probably 80.
	Yeah, like, oh, she's 80.
	That's why she doesn't like James Taylor.
	Every boomer loves James Taylor.
	I'm sorry, but they do.
	No, yeah, no, it's, but it's, it's not clearly written, but she's saying that James Taylor's song, You Got a Friend is bullshit.
	No, it's bullshit that John Kerry was singing that to the Ayatollah.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah, he did that.
	Remember that?
	That's cool.
	No, I feel like she was sliding James Taylor a little bit by putting bullshit next to the song title.
	Okay.
	So that's where I'm gonna go.
	I disagree.
	Alright, I'm glad you do.
	I think she's saying like, screw John Kerry and his, why can't we be friends bullshit.
	No, no, I got that totally.
	And that's what he's saying to Kemeny.
	When did Kemeny die, by the way?
	Yes, yesterday.
	Didn't he die before Obama went into office or some shit?
	Didn't he kill him with a CIA missile?
	Terry Mitchell says, Obama was not a legal president so the treaty is invalid.
	Trump is correct on this, period.
	Wow.
	I love like, okay, she's not going the route of, oh, it's not a treaty, it was an illegal document that was never agreed to by Iran, and no, it's that it was a treaty, it was a legal document, but Obama himself was illegal.
	Obama's existence wasn't allowed, so therefore everything he did while he was existing is null and void now.
	That's a penalty?
	We got an illegal president on the field?
	This touchdown does not count.
	This is null and void.
	There's nothing in the rulebook that says a Kenyan can't be president.
	Oh wait, here it is.
	Movie over, game over.
	Let's do these past eight years over again.
	No Airbama franchise.
	Okay.
	Fuck.
	No, I love this.
	So back to this whole idea of like Iran didn't sign the treaty.
	There's people who are saying in the same breath that the deal was great for Iran and fucked over Obama and Obama's stupid for signing it and surrendering basically.
	And also, Iran never signed this deal.
	It was amazing for them that they won all the concessions they could possibly need.
	Well, see, what was smart is what Iran did was they wanted all the benefits of the contract, but they didn't want any of the punishments.
	So what they did was they signed it, but they didn't sign their name.
	Yeah, they signed Daffy Duck.
	They signed something similar to it, but they wrote Daffy Duck.
	Yeah, that makes sense.
	That way it appears that they signed it, you know?
	But they did it in, like, the Donald Trump signature, so it's indistinguishable from anything.
	Looks like he did it.
	Uh, Daniel Merrick, our poor faceless boy.
	Daniel Merrick says, uh, no, he broke Ovana Ben Cami's word.
	Hold up, Trap.
	Hold up, Trap.
	Run that shit the fuck back.
	Will you say that one more time, please?
	No.
	He broke Ovana Ben Kami's word.
	Is that an Obama?
	Fuck.
	That's kind of an Obama.
	That's insane.
	Man, these guys suck.
	They sit there and like develop these words like they they came up with this this whole post is written around this person coming up with that and wanting to say it on the first sentence the first whole sentence we haven't even finished yet and it gets crazy I yeah this whole is built around the wanting to use this sentence why I would I would Never salute Ovana Sakakak as president.
	Ever.
	To be fair, it's got to be a typo because the B's right next to the V. So it would be Obana?
	Oh yeah.
	Is Ovana a word that would be autocorrected?
	He's drunk, because there's no way that this would pass without some kind of booze in your system.
	Or maybe it's like a joke- Because the M's next to the N, too, so he really was fucking up.
	Maybe it's a joke where, like, Obama's standing in front of the Wheel of Fortune word grid, and he's flipping over the letters that say gay.
	I can't believe you fucking said that.
	Ivana, that's all I thought it was.
	What's her name?
	Vanna White, yeah.
	Or Ivanka.
	This would be Ivana Black.
	Oh yeah, dude.
	Ivana Ben Khamis.
	So this is like Osama Bin Laden mixed with Obama.
	Kami?
	Yeah.
	Alright, let's keep going.
	Alright, here we go.
	That's terrible, dude.
	No, he broke Ovana bin Kami's word as a treasonous Muslim usurper of the will of the people and upholds constitutional law by demanding back our billions of dollars in aid and comfort Iran got from Obama to use to kill us, make war, and pay for terrorist acts.
	Holy fuck, dude.
	Yeah, so he's slipping in there.
	Billions of dollars in aid and comfort Iran got from Obama's.
	So that's like a direct reference to treason, which is sending aid and comfort to an enemy.
	Yeah.
	That's why that phrase is in there, but it's just, yeah, it's just a gobbledygook of, uh, the ravings of a sound mind.
	Real quick, you gotta get the hashtags in there.
	Hashtag treason.
	There we go.
	Hashtag USC18.
	Oh, what the fuck, dude?
	Hashtag USC18.
	Go!
	Go Trojans!
	We're gonna do it!
	Okay, let's get to Tony's segment.
	Tony's group from this.
	His group of deplorable boys.
	You got two pages here.
	Okay.
	Oh no, this is from a different topic.
	There you go.
	Yeah, I got this just from another deplorable post about it of the Iran deal.
	And people were just really excited about big old DT, really doing it to him.
	Orion Davis.
	This is that take I was talking about earlier.
	Orion Davis says, God is in control.
	He's using Trump as his right hand.
	That's just crazy.
	It's because he wipes his ass with the left hand.
	So he uses his right hand.
	That's his right hand.
	Because he is bold, fearless, with strict integrity.
	That's what everyone says about Donald Trump, right?
	The strictest integrity.
	Yeah, I got that new Integrity shirt, Hated of the World, and it's got Donald Trump on the front.
	That's what she means, strict integrity.
	It's just a shirt about the value of integrity.
	Hardline integrity.
	Trump is the man for such a time like this.
	This is the time for him to come up.
	God put him in place for a reason at this time.
	May God bless our President Trump, as if making him his right hand isn't blessing him enough.
	Great job, President Trump.
	Another one.
	What the fuck is this?
	Yeah, dude.
	They really think he's like, omnipotent.
	They think he's...
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	Orion's gotta be, like, another 90-year-old person.
	No!
	She looks, like, middle-aged.
	Yeah.
	It's so crazy.
	Like, they think he's, like, what the Pope is supposed to be, I guess?
	Yeah.
	They don't like the Pope.
	No, they don't like the Pope.
	No way.
	Because the Pope is the actual omnipotent one.
	Yeah.
	Trump is, like, the Protestant Pope, which is, like, Protestantism is like based all upon like the idea that if you toil and suffer you'll like make it into heaven and it's all just like a scam anyway.
	Fire and brimstone.
	Trump is like well it's it's more like you keep your nose down and do your work and that's that you that's how you get to heaven and that's how you get into the good graces of God.
	It's all a scam of course and Trump is like the perfect person to represent that because you know he's wealthy for fucking failing constantly.
	Yep.
	Well, as a Jewish person, you know, we have to go through a lot of suffering before we can get to the end, end time.
	So Trump's part of that too, you know, obviously.
	Well, it's gonna be weird because like, for Jewish people, if I'm understanding correctly, like, heaven is being at the bosom of Hashem, right?
	It's just being in the presence of God.
	It's not like fluffy white clouds and angels.
	No, no, no.
	It's more of a concept, yeah.
	It's just like being one with Hashem.
	It's actually a lot more similar to the Buddhist concept of afterlife, but...
	Man it's just it's cool that like you're gonna be at the bosom and Trump is gonna be right there at the right hand and like just banging heads with him all the time.
	He's got probably gonna have the nipple in his mouth because he loves tits.
	Is God like grabbing his head grabbing his her Trump boob right with his right hand?
	Well, God's, like, pledging allegiance.
	Oh, yep, there you go.
	And so the hand goes over the heart.
	Even if God is holding a hat, like, the hat doesn't go over, you know, Make America Great Again hat.
	The hand part goes over Matt's face.
	Flesh over heart.
	Jake Miller, right?
	Jake Miller?
	Yeah.
	Jake Miller, draw what we were just talking about, please.
	We'll give you stuff.
	I don't even know what we were just talking about.
	I don't know how Jake's gonna draw it.
	Nah, he'll figure it out.
	If you can turn that into an image, go for it.
	Okay, yeah, this is a popular take, though.
	Donald Trump is a fucking vessel for Christ.
	So, Gloria Mackey's response was, God thinks Trump is a man of strict integrity?
	Question mark, question mark.
	What kind of God is this?
	He must have a great sense of humor.
	Got him.
	Got him.
	Got it.
	I think Gloria's got the great sense of humor here.
	Yeah.
	Nah.
	If God thinks this guy's great, then I don't want to be good.
	I don't know.
	Something weird like that.
	Um, but Liba Tare responds to Gloria saying, is this your God?
	And it's a picture of Don Lemon.
	Yeah, well, if you hate Trump, you must love this guy.
	This is my favorite comment from the whole fucking episode.
	Is this your god?
	And it's not like a picture of money.
	It's not like a picture of Hillary Clinton.
	It's of fucking Don Lemon from CNN just keeping a goofy little smile to the camera.
	Looking really nice.
	Yeah, just looking like a... Like a sweet person.
	Yes.
	Endearingly disadorable.
	Like a fucking anime character.
	Yeah, totally.
	It's so funny because Don Lemon's so... He's so nice and like... No, Don Lemon fucking sucks, dude.
	Don Lemon's a narc, dude.
	Like, they should love him, though.
	Yeah, I guess so.
	He's not the person who's the antithesis of Donald Trump.
	He works at CNN though, you know.
	He's like the opposite of Donald Trump because his suits fit better, he is black, and he is homosexual.
	So he's like the exact opposite of Donald Trump, I guess.
	Sure, that makes all the sense.
	Is that the joke?
	Where did they pull this out of?
	CNN.
	It's just like, you secular humanists, your Bible is CNN.
	I love that take, by the way.
	Don Lemon is just such a fucking, I don't know, legendary figure in cable news.
	Legendary tool.
	One comment that I put in this section because it goes along with God is using Trump.
	Henry Burns says, my dad told me many years ago that this kind of stuff was going to happen in the end of time, but he said I wouldn't have to worry about it.
	I'd be long gone.
	I think we accelerated it because it's been here and I'm glad I was born when I was y'all enjoy.
	Oh my God.
	What?
	He's an accelerationist, dude.
	He's like, I'm glad it's here.
	Let's enjoy.
	He's an accelerationist for the apocalypse.
	Right, yeah.
	Yeah, he's not like an accelerationist for the fall of capitalism.
	We'll take him.
	We'll take him how we can get him.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Come join the team, homie.
	You guys really should've checked his profile.
	Did you want it?
	Yeah, no.
	Henry Burns is actually going to die next week.
	Oh.
	Yeah, Henry Burns is happy he's alive because he's going to die and miss the end of the world.
	Oh, he made that appointment with the doctor to die next week.
	Oh, no, sorry.
	The only reason why... That wasn't on Facebook.
	The only reason why I know it is because I work with his son.
	Yeah.
	And this time we're not going to shut the fuck up about when Henry's going to die.
	I thought that's where you were going with this shit.
	That's some real inside joke.
	That's a work joke.
	Alright, fuck.
	So I went on the Donald's subreddit, like I usually do.
	I subscribe to it now.
	I think when you go on your mobile Reddit, it'll prioritize whatever you view a lot.
	I get so many Donald Trump shit, like so many Donald posts in my feed, it sucks.
	Dr. Weegee posted on, so Dr. Weegee probably made this thing.
	So I'm going to say the title first and then I'll describe what the thing is they posted.
	President Trump re-moves the U.S.
	from the Iran deal.
	Reddit once again on suicide watch with the flare, not safe for cucks.
	Dude, how did you get in there?
	How did you even see any of this if it's not safe for cucks?
	I clicked subscribe, and when you click subscribe on there, they automatically just assume like, they're like, yep, you are down.
	You are down for Trump.
	I just can't believe you're able to get past the cuck screening.
	I did it, dude.
	President Trump re-nigs on America's Promises.
	Well, so, I mean, yeah.
	So, that is what he did.
	But, like, do you know what the re-thing is, you guys?
	Are you aware?
	Yeah, we've talked about it on the show.
	Okay, yeah, it's, you know, it's like them calling us, like, frantic, freaking out, liberals are freaking out.
	So, it's like a, it's a, it's a autism joke.
	Right, it's a, it is an autism joke.
	Um, I'm trying to say autism-less.
	It's real gross.
	Um, so, uh, Ouija got a bunch of comments on You can delete that one.
	Yeah, you can make that one all big.
	Weegee got a bunch of comments from like probably regular politics, politics threads on on Reddit, because Reddit tends to lean away from Trump for the majority.
	But there's some good ones in here.
	It's basically a huge collage of leftists or Democrats freaking out about the Iran deal.
	I'm freaking out.
	So this is like, this is what I said to Matt, was this is like our show, except they're covering people who have like, I don't know, some sort of, uh, what's the word I'm looking for?
	Uh, self-preservation instinct.
	Yeah.
	They're covering people who are worried about a nuclear Iran.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's the joke.
	Look at how freaked out these normies are about going to war with Iran.
	And I mean, they're pissed.
	The fact that Trump pulled out of the Iran deal is pretty bad.
	And there's just cause to vent on the internet about it, I suppose.
	Someone's like, there's no God.
	I mean, I get it.
	I want to fucking die.
	It's pretty extreme.
	No, I guarantee you at least like 25% of these are right-wing sock puppet accounts.
	Yeah, there's a lot of that on Reddit, so I'm glad you mentioned that.
	In here there's a comment-- - How can we take six more years of this?
	- Right.
	- Yeah.
	- Like, and we'll get more into the, okay.
	I can't find it, but it's about like we need to vote.
	Oh there it is We need to vote this president out in the midterms.
	That's pretty funny, which is probably a horseshit take from one of those 25 percenters just a bunch of crap like a Bunch of comments and then the Donald obviously had a bunch of stuff to say and poke fun at these comments but I didn't want to get too many because it's just a lot of The same bullshit over and over again.
	I don't know which one you want to do first.
	Whatever, man.
	Do you mind making them big for my blind ass?
	Yeah, I'll do that.
	That one's good, and then the other two you can make big.
	This is good podcasting.
	So, Marussia82 says... I like that name a lot.
	Isn't that good?
	That's some real Reddit shit.
	Net Neutrality didn't kill us.
	Paris Accord didn't kill us.
	Surely not being Iran's bitch is going to kill us.
	Which event is going to force all gays into internment camps again?
	That, at a left field, that last sentence just tacked on the end there.
	Well, it's a common sentiment.
	The left wing is like, oh, they're going to ostracize a group of people and put them in a camp or some shit like that.
	You know what I mean?
	The left is overreacting about everything Trump does, and everything is going to result in a genocide of whatever minority they want to make fun of when they're doing this take which is like projection kind of because they probably want to put gays in camps um and then pinellas well hold on so okay net neutrality didn't kill us right Paris Accord didn't kill us.
	Oh no, the Paris Accord thing is going to kill us.
	Don't worry about it.
	You might die of natural causes, by which I mean living alone, you know?
	Not having a partner with you.
	Heartbreak?
	Yeah, dying of a broken heart.
	Well no, just not having anybody to look after your dumb ass when you choke on a pretzel.
	That might kill you first.
	But no, the Paris Accord is a big deal.
	Yeah, it's definitely going to kill a lot of us.
	Net neutrality, nobody said getting rid of net neutrality was going to kill us.
	By the way, they say net neutrality didn't kill us.
	Net neutrality is what was cancelled, so getting rid of net neutrality didn't kill us.
	No, it's just one of those things that's chipping away at the quality of life.
	Nobody said it was going to kill us, it's just like...
	It's also bad?
	It's bad for a different reason?
	It'll all amount to, like you said, a very fucking poor quality of life.
	We're all going to end up really hating life real quick.
	Penelas Pepe responds to Moe Russia and says, that already happened and the ones who managed to escape were killed off by the tax bill.
	Yeah, no, the reason we don't want income inequality is because of a gay genocide.
	So, like, just, I mean, they're really fucked on the Donald.
	They're terrible on there, and they just, and it's anonymous on Reddit, so they can say the most abhorrent shit they can.
	Well, and it's just an echo chamber.
	Like, nobody's going to try and say, what the fuck do you even mean by this?
	Like, because they're all on the same team.
	And that's why I only got a few comments.
	It's like, I don't get, you can't even be like, I don't get it explained.
	Because they'll be like, of course you don't get it.
	Yeah, exactly.
	They'll boot you or whatever.
	Because that's a low energy question.
	Yeah, it's a low energy question, yeah.
	I'm sorry for saying that out loud.
	No, that's good.
	You should say that out loud as much as possible.
	That was so brutal.
	Quoting one of the comments in the collage, seriously, now Iran is going to start making nuclear weapons.
	And then government comes in and says, but the regime said they never would in, okay, let me start over.
	But the regime said they never would in parentheses, which begs the question, why was such a lopsided agreement necessary in the first place?
	Which we talked about it earlier, so we don't need to get into detail about it.
	There's something new in this comment.
	The regime said they never would.
	No, they didn't.
	They said they were looking for a nuke until we stepped in to make a deal.
	We stepped in to negotiate with them.
	We made it easier for them to operate as a country, and that's what the deal was.
	Well, we removed the restrictions that were making it hard for them to operate as a country, basically.
	Also, we didn't mention it, but the lopsided agreement, that's the same phrase that was used in that meme where Obama is bent like Professor Farnsworth in that episode of Futurama where Bender is subconsciously bending everything in his sleep and he bends Farnsworth at a right degree angle.
	I love that meme because it's like...
	It's like, lopsided, this is the Iran deal, and it's literally like the Ayatollah is like higher than Obama because Obama's been folded in half, and so it's like so fucking plain in front of your face, how could you not see the truth in the lopsided agreement?
	Is that a prequel meme, bro?
	Like, Obama's lower than the Ayatollah.
	Yeah, Ayatollah has the high ground, dude.
	Prequel memes, bro.
	Reddit and stuff.
	Lazy Sticky Caps, by the way.
	It's not even that good.
	Okay, no, you guys didn't see it.
	Oh, okay, now I see it.
	Bob font.
	Lazy sticky couch, by the way, it's not even a good.
	Okay.
	No, you guys didn't see it.
	Oh, okay.
	Now I see it.
	All right.
	So I'll read it.
	Somebody wanted to arm and fund terrorist ellipses.
	So, and then, uh, Dan Diamine, uh, capitalized an O, a B, an A, an M, and an A. So, and then, uh... SOMEBODY has to see Obama was gonna roll me.
	We were gonna end up dead.
	But I'm seriously not the sharpest tool in the shed because I did not catch that.
	We smoked too much of the goddamn good stuff from God.
	Yeah, it sucks.
	I don't know.
	I don't need to read the next one.
	He was looking kinda dumb with his finger and his thumb on a button colored red.
	But Obama was in the shape of an L. Yeah.
	Or Tetris P's.
	Yeah, he's the bent Tetris P's.
	Yeah, sucks.
	And then WiskDeplo replies this.
	Very much a Reddit thing.
	But it's, point to that comment above me, this.
	But this one is in sticky caps.
	It is.
	It's just lowercase t, uppercase h, lowercase i, capital s, and it's like, it's not, it's like, the subliminal message here is high school.
	High school, yeah.
	High school, yeah.
	God, I can't even talk.
	Okay, if I can't talk, then I should fucking quit it.
	Okay, if I can't talk, right, I should fucking quit it.
	Whisk didn't catch the joke like me and Tony didn't.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Len Chan says, and I'm going to just say it.
	Len Chan says, I'm on the wrong website.
	This is Reddit.
	I should get my ass back to 8chan.
	Because of the fucking language they use.
	LOL, these Reddit retards somehow think that Iran can single-handedly defeat us.
	Nope.
	That's not, no, that's not what this is about.
	That's not what people are freaking out about.
	I mean, if by single-handedly defeat us, you mean stretch an already overreached imperialist nation further, like, and further deplete our national morale and erode even more of our tax money, then sure, yes, they can defeat us.
	ISIS, dude.
	ISIS, bro.
	What about them?
	Well, didn't you know that like Iran's the one funding ISIS and not Saudi Arabia?
	Oh, and not America?
	And not America and not the CIA.
	Interesting.
	Not Israel, probably.
	All right.
	Here comes the long take, but I want to read it because it's pretty crazy.
	So this is the first part.
	OK.
	So God bless Nolan Arenado, which I don't know who that is, probably a cop or something, has this whole thing here.
	None of these people have any love or respect for America.
	Remember, this is how leftists win elections.
	They build hatred for America and find some unworthy communist or sketchy globalist to carry their torch.
	This is how Bill Clinton and Obama became presidents.
	Okay, so this person like literally thinks Bill Clinton Uh, who deregulated the banks, is a communist.
	What the fuck?
	Like, yeah, he, he's, he was responsible for NAFTA, so he's a globalist in that sense, but... He's a full-bore capitalist.
	Yeah.
	Full-bore.
	So is Obama.
	Um, except for he did give his healthcare, so thanks Obama.
	Um... No he didn't.
	Well, okay, whatever.
	But we got something.
	Fuck Obama.
	Yeah, people got something.
	They got the opportunity to buy healthcare that they didn't have before.
	We're still on the shit show.
	Disclaimer, fuck all politicians.
	Expanded Medicare, I should say.
	Yeah, it's expanded and I have it.
	Disclaimer again, fuck all politicians.
	They were ushered in by a wave of anti-American hatred.
	FROM AMERICAN LEFTISTS AND GLOBALISTS!
	Because that's all caps.
	Bill Clinton was ushered in because he played saxophone on late night TV.
	Charming.
	And didn't inhale.
	He was voted in before he didn't inhale, right?
	Or after he didn't inhale.
	I don't remember when he announced that he didn't inhale.
	They hate American individuality and they will take us further and further toward globalist socialism and farther and farther away from American patriotism and nationalism.
	So, um, this guy is using the, you know, I mean, he, I don't, or I assume this is a guy, once again, because it's a shithead.
	American individuality like that phrase is like that's like something we pride ourselves on like I love the fact that we're quote unquote like a diverse nation or whatever I mean truly we're a white supremacist nation but he's using the guise of oh they're taking away our individuality and like basically our thoughts are like our basic our our way to think uh on our own and like that's not like like that's already happening with
	What he's saying about American individuality is what we've talked about on this show about how in America the myth, again this is a Protestant myth, the myth of if you work hard you'll succeed.
	You don't need support from anybody else.
	You just pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
	You be a strong individual.
	So does that.
	Because we live in a meritocracy.
	Which is of course all bullshit.
	It's that mentality too.
	I don't know if you guys are familiar with like this weird... There's like a certain type of baseball fan who is this weird like... Baseball's different.
	There's no clock.
	It's like any other sport.
	There's no clock.
	You can play the game, you know.
	It's not always about home runs.
	Strategy is team game, you know.
	It's that whole weird mentality that they do.
	Yeah, I thought it was... Any team can win.
	I thought it wasn't like other sports because like literally you could just have somebody come in and run for you.
	Exactly.
	But it's methodical when you do that.
	The reason why I know that this guy is a baseball fan is because Nolan Arenado is just the third baseman for the Colorado Rockies.
	With a name like Nolan, what other sport could he play?
	Nolan, yeah, you're automatically a baseball player.
	Your dad was automatically a Rangers fan.
	Whenever people reference globalism, like whenever people on the right reference globalism, A, it's like a Jewish thing, probably.
	It's an anti-Semitic thing.
	No, they're referencing capitalism.
	Yeah, exactly.
	That's what globalism means in this sense.
	It means outsourcing jobs, it means drawing from a cheaper labor pool, exploiting countries with less strict labor laws, less quality of life.
	That sort of thing.
	That is not what globalism means in the communist sense.
	Yeah.
	Um, but, you know, it's funny, they need to, the Alex Jones motherfuckers need to separate, um, that thought, like, like, they need to separate, um, like, globalism is inherently capitalistic.
	Like, those are one and the same.
	Well, they're, that's why they're, like, national capitalists, you know.
	Yeah, from what fucking ever, give me a break.
	Yeah.
	They will only, still going, they will only once, They will only rest once we all live in communes and must stand in lines for bread alongside our multitudes of sex partners while the state raises the kids.
	Okay, so this is like supposed to be a bad thing?
	That sounds so sick.
	I know.
	Wait, free preschooling and free bread?
	Give me that bread!
	And all the sex partners?
	Multitudes.
	You're gonna raise my kids?
	And I can do whatever I want with the people?
	That's cool.
	Um, but yeah, it's like this, like, uh, um, dystopian from a right-wing standpoint, you know, view, whatever.
	But at least while we- Where you, where you no longer have that bitch wife you're always complaining about on Facebook, like- Now instead of having that one bitch wife, you have just tons of bitches.
	Yeah.
	Oh, maybe that's the fear, is that instead of one bitch wife nagging you... Sorry, I said the B-word too much.
	It's alright, we're being funny.
	Instead of having one B-word wife breathing down your neck, you got multitudes of overbearing B-words.
	They're nagging, and they're nagging, and they're just trying to just tear you apart.
	Well that's how you got them from Negan.
	Right.
	But at least while we wait in the lines, they will blare Netflix shows at us about the evil of patriarchy so we know- What?
	Okay.
	Quote patriarchy so we quote know that actually A C K S H U A L Y American nationalism is worse.
	American nationalism is bad sentiment.
	We need to all get along and have love for our fellow nations and not police them and just chill out with the nationalism.
	Wait, so while we're waiting in line for the bread we get to watch Handmaid's Tale?
	Yeah.
	Fuck, this is like the sickest thing.
	No, dude, no.
	Netflix, not Hulu, dude.
	You're forced to watch Dear White People on a loop while you're waiting for your bread.
	Which is alright.
	The show's pretty okay.
	This is like how bad liberalism is.
	This is like the real crime of the Democratic Party is that Communism has been reduced to corporate Netflix playing woke TV shows.
	Yeah, where's all the Antifa shit?
	Give me that more.
	I want more of that.
	Alright, finish up this comment.
	People like the Obamas and their lackeys such as Ben Rhodes and other members of the Politburo, though we still live in their- though they- though we'll still live in their mansions in Manhattan penthouses, and they will be venerated as heroes for struggling valiantly for the common man.
	Yep, that's communism.
	Yeah, fuck off.
	Have you guys venerated Ben Rhodes lately?
	Yeah.
	It's been a while for me.
	Yeah, I need to get on that.
	No, I have my Ben Rhodes rug right over there.
	Ooh.
	Kneel down on it.
	I point toward Ben Rhodes every morning.
	Are we pile cleansing yet?
	I think so.
	Sweet.
	I'm fucking... fucking Iran, dude.
	Fucking Iran, dude.
	Iran!
	Alright, that's enough of that.
	Alright.
	Okay, so this next segment is pretty incredible.
	It's rare.
	It's definitely a product of the times type thing, I think.
	It's a product of the times and it's a product of like the right wing just like flipping out over one little thing.
	The power of a soundbite.
	Being so excited, being like so ginned up over this one small idea.
	I'm trying to find, I think it's this one.
	There's levels to this shit.
	There's all sorts of like, there's a lot of, it's onion.
	We can peel this funny one back.
	So this, this was posted in a lot of groups, but the, The video, the link, the idea is summed up very nicely here in this headline.
	It says, uh... Ask your child for consent before changing their nappy.
	And for us, uh, for us Yankees, that's diaper.
	Uh, I saw this and I laughed out loud in the middle of Del Taco on my lunch break.
	This is fucking hilarious.
	And the thumbnail is of a, uh, I don't know, just type in, like, SJW into dictionary.com and you'll get the picture of this person.
	Right.
	It's, uh, they're a, uh, Middle-aged person with, like, a high and tight haircut that's dyed pink.
	It's a very SJW haircut, and they're, like, a, um, sex expert.
	Yeah.
	A sexpert.
	And so, naturally, that translates into caring for your child.
	And, uh, it's a very stupid thing to, like, say.
	The idea behind it makes some form of sense.
	Does it?
	Yeah, kind of.
	Does it?
	Explain.
	Absolutely.
	It absolutely does, yeah.
	Explain to me, because when I have a child... Real quick, let's talk about what the idea is.
	How about we watch Ben Shapiro talk about what the idea is?
	Because like I said, a lot of this is the power of the sound byte.
	Right.
	There's a switch on the back of that speaker.
	Cool.
	Alright.
	Hey man, I work at the Guitar Center, dude.
	I know where the switch is.
	You know these studio mons well.
	Yeah, man.
	Cool!
	This thing, it does every time I try to play a video.
	One second.
	I quit smoking cigarettes, you listeners.
	Isn't that cool?
	Yeah, everybody's so happy for you, dude.
	Everybody with their various addictions just are throwing a parade on your behalf.
	I got other ones, though.
	I drink alcohol and stuff.
	I smoke weed habitually all the time.
	Do you fuck?
	I fuck, like, on an average rate.
	I fuck probably, like, three or four times a week.
	How do you fight the urge for the cigarette after you fuck?
	That's why I'm only fucking three or four times a week.
	...now passes for being an expert.
	It's pretty... There's an expert in Britain.
	I love what now passes for being an expert.
	It's pretty spectacular.
	This is an expert in Britain.
	Nope.
	Not Britain.
	Not Britain.
	Australia.
	Wrong, dude.
	Continue, Ben.
	Trying to explain that parents should ask babies for permission to change their diapers.
	Is a sexuality... This idea is still so fucking funny to me.
	Ask them for permission.
	Yeah.
	Are you okay with this little one?
	You're not?
	Alright, well, you're sitting in your shit for another fucking ten hours.
	Do you have Sade playing when you ask your baby this question?
	Definitely don't want any, like, Waka playing.
	That's too aggressive.
	No Gucci.
	That would freak the kid out.
	Babies for permission to change their diapers.
	There's a sexuality expert and author named Deanne Carson.
	And she was speaking to ABC News in Australia and she was asked what age clients she works with.
	She said, we work with children from three years old.
	We work with parents from birth.
	And then Carson explains exactly what she means by that.
	We work from children from three years old.
	We work with parents from birth.
	From birth?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Just about how to set up a culture of consent in their home.
	So, I'm going to change your nappy now.
	Is that okay?
	Of course, the baby's not going to respond.
	Yes, mum, that's awesome.
	I'd love to have my nappy changed.
	But if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact, then you're letting that child know that their response matters.
	Okay, pause real quick.
	So is that where you're talking about the kernel, like, creating a culture of consent?
	Just talking about consent in your home.
	Oh, yeah, totally agree with that.
	That's definitely... About, you know, showing your kid they have agency over their bodies.
	Luckily for us, like, because of the Me Too movement and stuff, like...
	If we have kids and stuff like that, our kids will probably be raised in a culture of consent.
	And this is like an idea that I'd heard previously, not the changing the diaper, which is just so funny because everything else I'd heard about children and consent and teaching them about consent was like, Asking them, can I give you a hug?
	Or like, if a stranger comes up and tries to hug you, you say, you say, you're allowed to say no.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Kind of thing.
	Smart things to tell your kids that help prevent them, or not help prevent, but you know, like gives them a sort of agency.
	Exactly, yeah.
	It makes them like, like aware, I guess.
	But the idea of like a diaper in this, like, Makes it weirdly more sexual.
	Makes it sound more sexual than just a hug or a pat on the back.
	They're making it sound like all you're doing is taking their pants off.
	I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and saying like, they said like, you know, it sounds silly, like, you know, your baby's not gonna be like, oh yeah, change my fucking diaper.
	Like, obviously.
	So they said that.
	But the whole thing is...
	Everything she said was fine.
	What they're getting caught up on is the headline underneath her says, um, experts, experts, uh, stay focused, says focus should.
	Expert says focus should be on changing consent culture.
	So they're taking that and saying, changing consent, like, like changing the, you need to have consent to change diapers.
	Well, Ben Shapiro, as we'll see, is being willfully ignorant and deliberately misinterpreting what she's saying in order to gin up his fucking idiotically pedantic fan base.
	But yeah, this is a Facebook video, so it's got the top and bottom Facebook frame that says, "Top text, IMPACT font, all caps, feminists want... bottom text, DIAPER CHANGE CONSENT." Fucking what?
	So this is how feminists are ruining the world this week.
	"Diaper change consent." I just want to say, I don't know how much you're teaching your child about consent and agency if you're setting them up to be able to refuse something and then you do it anyway.
	You know what I mean?
	I like the idea of talking about consent and telling your children that they're able to consent to certain things and dissent at certain times, but the diaper's not really applicable in this instance.
	Like what happens when they say no and you say, okay well too bad I'm bigger than you so I'm changing your diaper anyway.
	It's a mixed message.
	This might be even more of a mixed message than I think about it.
	But what actually ends up happening is, you know, you say, Hey, like, you know, this is, I have a kid.
	Um, you say, Hey, like, can we change your diaper?
	And they can say like, no, I don't know.
	I don't want to.
	And you, it's cool to be like, all right, cool.
	Like, well get back to me.
	Like, Hey, you're making a mess though.
	You got to kind of like show the logic to them and why they need to change.
	And they will be like, all right, cool.
	Like it's game time.
	Like, yeah, change me up.
	I promise you.
	I'd rather be comfortable.
	Because they're not comfortable when they're like, when they're soiled, they're not comfortable.
	So there's all these takes that we're going to see and they're talking about of like, oh, just let them lay in their filth.
	It's like that doesn't really happen because unless they are used to it because they are in an abusive area.
	Well I'm just, I promise you I'm not gonna change that diaper.
	I'm done.
	I need I hate most kids hate being dirty at all.
	Like diapers are at all.
	So they want to be changed.
	I'm just I promise you I'm not going to change that diaper.
	I'm going to let that kid sit with shit all over it.
	And like, you know, you know, happened there.
	That kid will figure out how to change their own diaper.
	What if your kid has a poop fetish?
	Are you going to tell them that that's wrong, Tony?
	You SJ Dub?
	I'm not going to believe them because... Are you going to shame them?
	Are you going to kink shame their poop fetish?
	That only gets weird because most times, most scat players, the only thing that turns them on is other people's poop.
	And I will lay the law down there.
	I will say no kids, no other people's poop today.
	No.
	Not until you eat your vegetables.
	Then you can have dessert.
	Yeah.
	Let's get to Ben's response.
	Parents from birth.
	From birth?
	Of course the baby's not going to respond.
	But if you, for body language, know that their response matters.
	Um, no.
	Okay, as a parent of two.
	Okay, as a parent of a four-year-old and a two-year-old.
	One of them is out of diapers and the other one who will soon be out of diapers, I hope.
	Hi, you little pug-ass kid.
	Can't you still use the diaper at two?
	One of them is out of diapers.
	One of them will soon be out of diapers in 2.5 years, I hope.
	I hope she will be able to give up diapers for good.
	Oh my gosh.
	By the way, there is nothing wrong with kids using diapers for a long time.
	I just feel like Ben Shapiro is the kind of person that would be really defensive if someone were to say that.
	There's nothing wrong with kids using diapers for a long time.
	Here's the truth.
	If you leave your kids to decide when they want their diapers changed, they will have diaper rash forever.
	Okay, hold on.
	Let me go back here.
	They will have diaper rash forever.
	If you leave your kids to decide when they want their diapers changed, they will have diaper rash forever.
	Forever.
	If I let my two-year-old son explain to me when he wants his diaper changed.
	First of all, he's really smart, so he actually does.
	As soon as he goes to the bathroom, he immediately tells us.
	Oh, okay.
	So you're just immediately contradicting yourself in the same breath.
	If you allow a two-year-old to tell you when their diaper needs to be changed, they will have diaper rash forever.
	Forever.
	But my two-year-old tells us immediately after he poops to change his diaper.
	He's reading this shit off a teleprompter, it looks like, too.
	Right then, he says, okay, pee-pee, poo-poo, whatever, and then we go and change him.
	But, my daughter was not so much like that, right?
	When she was very young, she was also a clean freak, and so when she was a little baby, she would not eat until she had been changed.
	But, as she got older, because kids do this, she started getting angry when you would change her diaper.
	And my son is starting to get to that age now, too, where he gets mad when you change his diaper.
	He doesn't want his diaper changed, he thrashes around on the changing table.
	You know what you have to do?
	Force your kids to change their diaper if you're not an idiot.
	But apparently, being an idiot is an actual qualification for being an expert on parenting on national TV.
	So okay, he says two things right here.
	Being an idiot is apparently a qualification for being a parenting expert on national TV.
	Not a parenting expert!
	She's literally not a parenting expert.
	You said it yourself, she's a sex expert.
	Now suddenly she's a parenting expert when you want to refute her point.
	Also, what did he say?
	You have to change your kid's diaper anyway, just like she said.
	It's the same thing she said.
	You still have to change your kid's diaper even if they said no.
	Also, what the fuck kind of expert are you, Ben Shapiro?
	Do you ever talk about what kind of expert you are?
	Expert at getting that Hitler Youth haircut.
	He's an expert in logic and facts.
	Yeah, dude, didn't you know?
	Now, listen, I don't want to stereotype this woman, Deanne Carson.
	I don't know if she has kids, I don't know who does her hair, but this is dumb.
	Okay, this is incredibly dumb and it's amazing what constitutes expertise.
	Now, the parenting experts know so little about what actually happens with regard to parenting.
	So many of them are basing it off of bad social science.
	I just want a parenting, like a I don't know, a whole show about parenting from Ben Shapiro where he just says pee-pee and poo-poo the whole time.
	I like hearing that.
	Is there a conservative answer to Slate's Parenting Podcast or other parenting podcasts?
	Is there a conservative version that's like, you gotta shake them every once in a while?
	Yeah, if you pick your kid up and bop him upside the head, they'll obey you because they'll be scared of getting bopped upside the head.
	How do you handle your son wearing a dress?
	You know, that's really considered taking on that?
	I send my kid to school in that dress and I make sure they end up just like Charles Manson So yeah You out them Or some such nonsense.
	I imagine they say that.
	They probably say that.
	A lot of what they have to say is just absolutely counterintuitive.
	And then they claim that they are experts in science first, and these religious parents who do things like change their kids' diapers without their kids' permission.
	You're violating consent.
	You're part of rape culture if you change your kids' diapers or some such nonsense.
	Or some such nonsense.
	I imagine they say that.
	They probably say that.
	Yeah, if you change your kids' diaper, you rape your kid.
	And also, I like how you threw that religious...
	You know, like, the religious parents who change their diapers.
	Yeah, that definitely took me off guard.
	Came out of a kind of left field pretty good.
	If you need to ask your kids' consent to change their diaper, why aren't we asking these kids' consent to inject them with vaccines?
	Yeah.
	And autism.
	I asked my daughter, you know I have a daughter for purposes of this joke, I asked my daughter if she wanted to get her flu vaccination and she said, have you looked at the ingredients list on there?
	It contains lots of bad stuff like fluoride and mercury and I was like oh my god honey the baby's not sleeping she's woke as fuck.
	Fucking Christ.
	Oh, man.
	You really had to do it to us, didn't you?
	Dude, I had a legit anti-vaxxer conversation recently, and it was brutal.
	It's a hard one to do.
	It was a hard one to do.
	Especially with another parent or something.
	Oh, it was... I don't even want to get into it.
	Alright, yeah, let's not.
	It was crazy, yeah.
	So, Matt and Leia, co-thern.
	This is a happy couple here.
	Cool joint account, love them.
	Cool joint account, no infidelity responsible for this joint account, I'm sure.
	Nope, not even.
	Says, I find the word nappy offensive to my presumed identity.
	Wow, they're just really tapping into the SJ buzzword of presumed identity.
	That's how all SJWs refer to themselves, is my presumed identity.
	Furthermore, as to my previous point, Pink hair reminds me of a horrible experience I had when I was three years old, and a group of flamingos were attacked at a zoo by a pack of rabid freelance monkey assassins.
	Oh, so Matt and Leia are random and funny.
	Yeah, no, this is super random.
	Super random.
	Yeah, that's really crazy.
	Real quirky and random.
	Most ninja monkeys are in contracts and on salary.
	They're not freelance.
	The ninja monkeys are good to hire because you can pay them in cheese.
	Those monkey ninja assassins love cheese!
	What else is a cool random thing?
	They go, they go, rawr, I'm a dinosaur!
	And you're like, you're not a dinosaur, you're a monkey assassin!
	Don't be silly!
	You were gonna go there with this comment, I'm sure, at some point.
	It's so random!
	Freelance monkey assassin.
	Boy, this dude has like his finger on the pulse of 2003.
	Of the humor of a high school sophomore.
	By the way, Tony, I did the cheese joke because you specifically told me you're like, we were going over some comment on That Awful Sound from 2002 and you're like, oh, this person loves cheese humor.
	And I was like, what do you mean cheese humor?
	And you're like, you know, like I love cheese.
	And I was like, Oh my god, that was a joke!
	That was a joke!
	Cheese!
	Yeah, and what was the other?
	Yeah, rawr, I'm a freaking dinosaur!
	There's a ton of them, and they still exist.
	I love it.
	So much.
	So funny.
	It's just not funny, but they just think it's the best.
	We gotta get one more random thing.
	What's another random thing?
	Can you do it?
	This is the word random.
	Oh yeah, LOL.
	Sorry for being awkward.
	Oh my god, my kiss is awkward now.
	LOL guys, I was real random in this comment.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Yeah, I'm not like other commenters.
	Josie Giovinso Miranda says, do they ask permission to the baby if he slash she wants to be aborted before they go to planned parenthood?
	I've been living my whole life waiting for this take.
	She knew it was going to come at some point.
	This is the best take.
	Shut down Minion Death Cult.
	Pretty much.
	It's over.
	Lock the gates.
	This couldn't exist without this fucking diaper changing fetish thing.
	I love that.
	Can't believe it happened, dude.
	I love how smug this joke is.
	This is a joke that appeared several places.
	Like, yeah, no, if you're gonna ask your two-year-old if you can change their diaper, you also have to ask your two-year-old if you can abort them.
	And if they say no, then sorry.
	I mean, by your logic, you can't abort them anymore.
	And if they say yes, it's still a crime because euthanasia is illegal.
	Unfortunately, it is.
	Uh, Gale Hobbs says, This, my friends, is the problem of the world!
	Okay.
	I love this, like, suit.
	This is, like, almost a wholesome take.
	This is, like, so ignorant and dumb.
	It's, like, wholesome.
	Like, imagine seeing a clip of a random person talking about diaper consent and extrapolating that to be the ills of the modern society and the world in general.
	This, my friends, is the problem of the world.
	Diaper nappy consent.
	Well, no, it's not so much that, it's that Gale is really anti-Australia.
	Gale thinks that those people should have been exiled to that country and the internet's ruined their isolation.
	And now that that information is getting out, now that Australian theory is getting out, that is the problem with the world.
	Australian theory.
	What I want to know is, when did a colony of convicts suddenly start caring about consent?
	For real.
	Exactly.
	They're trying to trick him.
	Charlotte Goering, interesting last name there.
	It's like Groening, kind of.
	It's like Groening, but more reminiscent of the Third Reich.
	Yeah.
	A new and fabulous level of crazy.
	Try to tell this to any exhausted, sleep-deprived new mother.
	Good luck.
	And this is like a good comment.
	I actually like this comment.
	Are you seriously going to come to me with this?
	Can you imagine if I'm trying to tell my kid this?
	I haven't slept in like 36 hours.
	It's like Charlotte.
	Sorry.
	No, I'm done.
	Charlotte, take it easy.
	Come on.
	I'm being really presumptuous here, but in Charlotte's picture she is with a gentleman partner who I'm assuming is their husband.
	Did you just assume their husband?
	I'm going to assume husband because I think this person only believes in husband and wife.
	Uh, so I'm seeing, so she's probably relating to the mother, which you totally get, but rather than sleep deprived new mother, tell that to the mother.
	Hey listen mom, you're going to change the diaper regardless, or you don't get choice here.
	Instead of saying, hey how about you and your husband work together so you can maybe get some sleep.
	How about your husband helps a little bit.
	Yeah, think about that one.
	Fawad Ahmad says, ask your child for consent before giving birth to them.
	Just a good joke.
	Hey, you ready down there?
	You ready to come on out?
	Oh, this reminds me of the joke you cut out that Ayatollah was gonna happen.
	Yeah.
	Alright, I had to say it.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	This is like one of two jokes you can make.
	You can make the abortion joke, or you can make the giving birth to them joke.
	Or you can make the vaccine joke, I guess.
	His is the most wholesome.
	The vaccine one doesn't even really count because a lot of kids can actually have at least some sort of communication with you at that point.
	What are you going to do?
	Ask your son his consent before you circumcise him?
	Yes, you should.
	Try it, you know, see what they do.
	In the Jewish community, it happens pretty quickly.
	Those guys, again?
	They keep popping up.
	No, I'm talking about my Jewish community.
	In my community.
	Oh, your Jewish community of Lake Arrowhead?
	Yeah.
	I don't know where I'm going.
	Yeah, unfortunately, religion doesn't really, like, you know, trump consent.
	Hang on, I'm just making sure we got it all.
	This is the last one.
	Oh God.
	Yeah, so a lot of people did not care for the appearance of our sexpert, who, I mean, had like a pretty I bet you that person has a lot of followers on Instagram, this expert.
	They look pretty cool.
	Anyways, John Heath did not think so.
	John Heath had something to say that is very uncomfortable for me to say.
	It's just a rough one.
	But you have to say it.
	I'm going to say it because this is journalism, guys.
	John Heath.
	Sweet little candy bar.
	John Heath.
	My nana actually dated the Heath, the like heir to the Heath.
	The heir to the Heath candy bar fortune?
	Dang, you could have had all the Heath bars.
	Yeah, instead I got like a real cool grandpa, you know.
	Yeah.
	Sucks for me.
	Too bad she didn't figure out a way to sue him for all of his money, like Seinfeld, where they sued the heir to the O. Henry candy bar.
	Oh, yep.
	I was like, where are you going?
	That's where I went.
	Bad delivery.
	John Heath.
	Yeah, because I'm going to listen to someone who has pink hair.
	Owned.
	Yeah.
	Which is, like, very childish.
	Yeah, like, when that guy was like, hey, Facebook's, like, selling all your information without your permission and your friend's permission.
	I'm like, lol, get out of here, cuck.
	Yeah.
	Got some pink hair on you.
	You gotta listen to this dude.
	Pink hair.
	Yeah, that hair looked good, though.
	Yeah.
	Well, that was definitely a take that I didn't include in that episode, but it was like, pfft, like I would listen to somebody with pink hair.
	Pink hair, yeah.
	This one gets crazy.
	Like I would listen to somebody with a dragon tattoo telling me about cyberspace.
	Yeah, so I thought that that was about alternative appearances, but we'll get there.
	Get back in the fucking kitchen, you feminist know-it-all.
	Nazi?
	I want to say Nazi C word.
	Yeah, sure.
	Fuck wanker shit face.
	So it is pretty childish, huh?
	Fuck wanker shit face.
	This dude definitely has a wife and a partner that he, uh... Beats.
	No, I'm just joking.
	He's definitely alone.
	John Heath is actually a young, I think, proud dude.
	He writes another bubble next to gender and writes dude.
	Let's say most men are going this way and he's going his own way.
	Yeah.
	There's a sweet picture of him flexing in his karate gi.
	Yeah, okay, so I don't know which martial art this is, but he's wearing a gi, he's belted, This makes me, you know, karate is like the first one that comes to mind.
	Karate?
	It's funny because, you know, he's wearing this karate gi, you know, if you take a martial art and you're, you know, have a competent instructor.
	They usually try to teach you, like, you know, the responsibility that comes along with it, the respect that comes along with it, but We're just looking at a man who is standing like V from V for Vendetta wearing a karate gi.
	He's standing like he's going super saiyan.
	He's standing like he's Rorschach from the Watchmen.
	This is a fucked up individual.
	Clearly learning nothing from his martial arts training.
	Feminist know-it-all Nazi c-word fuck wanker shit face spewing at the end of this comment like I this just reminds me of like my uncle who Was a black belt in karate and was able to talk a guy down with a gun A guy had a gun pulled on him and because of his karate training He was able to just talk the guy down and he had the guy in tears.
	Holy shit from talking to him Whereas John Heath is posting Feminist know-it-all, Nazi, C-word fuck, wanker, shit face, and posing like Yu-Gi-Oh in a karate gi.
	Isn't that how your uncle talked him down?
	They were like, listen you Nazi fuck, wanker, shit face, and they were like, oh shit, I am a Nazi fuck, wanker, shit face.
	And then he started powering up, and then his hair turned fucking blonde.
	Oh shit, I am owned.
	Here's the gun.
	There's also a picture of John Heath with his, like, lads.
	Yeah, lads.
	He's British.
	Gotta be.
	And they're pretty alternative looking.
	One of them is heavily modified.
	Very mod, bringing mod back.
	Yeah, bringing mod back to Britain.
	But I don't mean Vespas.
	I do mean large gauged ears, multiple facial piercings, and almost like a bluish tint on the hair.
	Yeah, what's the what's the lip ring?
	Is it a Medusa?
	What's the one that goes like straight through your bottom lip?
	Yeah, he's got the vertical of Bray.
	He's got that septum.
	He's got the Medusa Yeah So, I don't know this pink hair anything dude.
	I don't know this pink hair hanging up is I think it's specifically pink hair It's not about having like an alternative look.
	It's just pink hair.
	Oh Yeah, that's interesting.
	Also, probably has a lot to do with the fact that that person, he's at least assuming is a woman, so he doesn't take them seriously, because his bros, his lads, are very sincere.
	Well, pink's like a gay color, so... Yeah, duh.
	Yeah, it's super.
	These are all yours, baby.
	Yeah.
	Oh, where's, there's the, you didn't do the, the, the, the typo, the really bad typo.
	So stupid.
	There's one, there's a typo and all it said was, uh, must be suffering from metal illness.
	I just thought that was funny because you know, metal.
	Well, no, yeah, that's the mercury poisoning from the vaccine.
	It's all the same, you know, vaccines, pink hair, SJW, yeah.
	Yeah, same thing, you know, medallion, same.
	Ashley Forrest said the same thing, basically says, What the fuck?
	I still don't understand this.
	You sent this to us and I still don't... Is this an ad of nothing?
	This isn't a response to anything?
	many kill people i'll be locked up instantly what the fuck i still don't understand this you posted you sent this to us and i still don't is this out of nothing this isn't a response to anything no this is this is a comment talking about like the person the sexpert why are they not considered legally insane so this is your like analogy for an insane person like Like, this person is insane, like having an invisible elephant tell you to kill people.
	It sounds a little close to home.
	See, actually, yeah, actually, you know, mental illness is a serious thing that needs to be addressed, and if somebody does think they have an elephant telling them to kill people, they should not be locked up, but they should at least have resources to take care of that.
	Not, you know... Yeah, that would happen.
	That absolutely should happen.
	I don't know the race of Ashley, but it depends on that whether or not you would be locked up or just shot.
	Very true.
	Very true.
	Yeah, so that was kind of funny.
	Do you need me to make any of these bigger?
	Yeah, make Simon a little bigger.
	Simon with his sweet family.
	Make Simon Birch bigger.
	Is that how that movie ended?
	Full of this hate.
	Finally, the gypsy's curse wore off.
	Yeah, he grew up.
	Which one's that one?
	Simon Birch, the little guy.
	I don't remember that one.
	It's a cute one.
	He's the one who like fucking... I can picture it, I just don't remember the movie.
	Dude, that movie rules so hard.
	He has like a crush on one of his teachers.
	It's like Rudy, but for preschool, you know?
	He's like too small to do stuff and he has a crush on one of his teachers and he's playing baseball and it's like his heroic moment where he finally gets to be on the team.
	And he fucking hits a ball.
	It's his first time, like, successfully getting a hit at baseball.
	The ball goes foul and kills his teacher that he has a crush on.
	Oh my god.
	And hits her in the temple and kills her.
	Fuck, dude.
	I hope there's somebody out there who's like, God damn it, Simon Birch spoilers, fuck!
	And then the climax of the movie is he's able to rescue kids from a submerged school bus because he's the only one that can fit through the windows.
	Yes!
	And then he drowns, I believe.
	And he's dead.
	Olivia drowns.
	I think I remember dying, dying, ending sad, something about that, yeah.
	He's dead.
	Isn't it the kid from Show Me The Money?
	No, it's a small person.
	Um, yeah.
	So Simon, Simon Glassby.
	Birch.
	Simon Birch.
	Sorry.
	Has that same thing where they just don't look a certain way and have an opinion.
	I'll tell you that much.
	Yeah.
	Says, it would definitely be a single lesbian who also does not eat animal products and votes no for carbon fuels.
	You know when you can vote yes or no for carbon fuels?
	Yeah.
	I remember that, that, that, that bill.
	but drives its car.
	Thanks for trying to use a non-generating...
	Right.
	No, this is an insult.
	You missed it.
	You missed it.
	But drives its car to protest against the slaughter of cattle, then drives home to sit in its heated...
	Again with it.
	In its heated house and uses its...
	It feels gross now.
	Yeah, no, it's gross.
	It's meant to be gross.
	Yeah.
	Uses gas oven to heat its tofu, then judge everyone for being naughty humans.
	You gotta heat your tofu on the gas oven.
	That's weird.
	I don't know.
	It's like throwing it on the flame.
	Is that what that means?
	If you have pink hair, you're definitely like a single.
	This person's also single.
	Gotta be single.
	Oh yeah.
	How could you attract a man with that kind of attitude?
	How can you attract a man being a lesbian?
	How do you do that?
	That's why they're lesbians, right?
	Because they can't get a man.
	Yeah, definitely not only lesbian, but single.
	We're just not eating animal byproducts, which is so true, because we all know if there's shitty people in the world who are hypocrites and pussies, it's vegans.
	Yeah, you know from experience.
	Being a hypocrite and a pussy yourself, you were forced to adopt veganism.
	I was.
	I had to choose between being a man or being a cuck, and I chose.
	Nah, dude.
	No cuckery.
	No, cuckery, no cluckery.
	No cluckery.
	Oh yeah, you're a cuck, that's right.
	Yeah.
	Cuck boy.
	I literally took myself down a peg in the food chain.
	And you took yourself down a peg and put a peg up yourself.
	Up myself.
	Yeah.
	Moving in the ladder.
	Geraldo Leg?
	Ledge?
	Lage.
	Lage?
	I just liked the way that sounds.
	Geraldo.
	Um, I asked for a- But it's not spelled Geraldo like Geraldo Rivera.
	No.
	It's Harold O. It's Harold O. Harold O. I've never seen that spelling before.
	Lage.
	What the fuck?
	Lage has a little antidote from real life.
	I asked for- I asked for consent to change my one week baby diaper.
	My one week baby diaper.
	So is he doing baby talk here?
	No, he's just doing bad grammar.
	I think I'm tired because that is so funny.
	It is really good.
	One week baby diaper.
	That baby had the diaper on for a whole week?
	No, I think the baby's one week.
	He had the baby for one week.
	Well, you can interpret it any way you want to.
	You might want to stop laughing about the baby.
	No response.
	Died from infection caused by its...
	So, wait, did you wait so long to ask to change the diaper that the baby was already dead?
	So that's why you didn't get a response?
	But at least I didn't abuse her.
	Yep.
	No, that technically doesn't count as abuse.
	It was really weird when this person did decide to, like, throw a gender on this fake baby.
	That was weird.
	That was a weird thing.
	Yeah, super weird, dude.
	Um... Autocorrections was like, he got depressed or after abused.
	Yeah, I used to do an autofilm.
	Yeah, I don't feel my back.
	Dude, one week baby diaper.
	That should be the name of the episode.
	That's actually a thing.
	A one week baby diaper is the size of a diaper.
	No, I get that.
	No, no, I'm just kidding.
	That's not what he means.
	Oh, fucking Christ.
	Yeah, this joke sucks for all of us.
	Get out of here.
	I didn't abuse her.
	Christy Price wants to clarify.
	Wants to really stand up for all the real people getting shit on in these comments.
	Christy Price.
	How many dead babies does it take to change a diaper?
	None, dude.
	None, because they can't consent.
	Oh yeah.
	You can't consent to yourself either.
	Alright.
	They can't ask because they can't talk.
	We found a joke paradox.
	They're like, they're dead.
	Aw.
	Dead baby jokes.
	Yeah.
	Thanks, Geraldo.
	Christy Price wants to clarify.
	Let's be clear, that's not a real feminist.
	Okay.
	A lot of people are saying, listen, I'm a feminist and this person does not speak for me.
	Right, just like missing the point.
	There was like one good comment that was like, uh...
	Basically like, yeah, you're just obviously throwing the word feminist in here in this Facebook frame to attract your fucking troglodyte followers.
	Exactly.
	It's like a bug zapper for your idiot fans.
	Yeah.
	They can't help it.
	Feminists, I must shit on this person.
	Yeah.
	Because they don't like it.
	Pete Harris, expert on feminism, perhaps not, quote, real feminism, but it's certainly what a high percentage of feminists believe now.
	Oh yeah, I saw one video from fucking Australia that was clipped and cut and put into a Ben Shapiro piece, and this is definitely what most feminists believe now.
	Yeah, I saw a survey put out shortly after of, they asked three feminists, and two said, I don't know what this is talking about.
	No, everybody's posting about this.
	IJR Red is posting about it.
	Diamond and Silk official fan page is posting about it.
	This is a real feminist thing now.
	A real feminist movement.
	A certainly higher percentage of feminists believe in now.
	This is a hot one.
	Feminazi more, I like.
	Yeah, yeah, good one.
	Damn son, where'd you find feminazi?
	Feminazi, you just combine the words and it's a whole new thing.
	It's cool, dude!
	It's a whole new thing that dates back to fuckin' 1991 Rush Limbaugh.
	You know, that's the real reason why lesbians don't shave, because they want little Hitler stashes.
	All over their body.
	Real feminism, which started as a belief in equality and fairness, I can get behind.
	Well, of course, I'm not an unreasonable person.
	I like fairness.
	Yeah, no.
	I see this argument a lot.
	It's like, oh, I like what feminism originated as, not what it's turned into.
	I have no idea.
	Well, it's just like... They don't know.
	I like these concepts of equality in the abstract, but anytime a woman tells me things aren't equal, I automatically don't believe her.
	This whole thing is really like, listen, I like my mom and everything, but it doesn't mean this whole feminist thing is real.
	So, this is when things get good because Pete really speaks up for the little guy.
	Really talks about what's actually happening in the streets.
	He can get behind fairness.
	I can't get behind is the lynching of men to the point where we are walking on eggshells in fear of being called a rapist.
	This is such a good, like, metaphor.
	Lynching of men to the point, not to the point of them dying, which is usually the way that lynchings end.
	Yeah, no, they're close enough to the ground that they can walk on the eggshells.
	They're only being held up by eggshells.
	Yeah, they're suspended by a noose above the eggshells.
	It's that bouncing elastic noose from Wild Wild West.
	And you're like only lightly, you're worried about crushing the eggs beneath you and you're lightly grazing them with your feet.
	I have not thought about that in a very very long time.
	That specific part...
	We've made a few Wild Wild West references on the show.
	I don't think anybody's referenced that part though.
	I love the idea that somehow a rubber noose would be more comfortable for your neck and not kill you.
	Or you have a strong neck.
	No, just rip all the hair out of your neck first.
	In fear of being called a rapist.
	The other day I saw this girl walking down the street and she was going to be attacked.
	And I was like, hey miss, hey miss, you're going to be attacked.
	And she yelled at me, she said, you're raping me.
	And this is what's happening all the time.
	These guys swear that's what's happening all the time.
	And just listen to how convoluted this argument is.
	I can't get behind the lynching of men to the point we're walking on eggshells in fear of being called a rapist.
	So the lynching, as we all know, an act of like mob rule, racist connotation of mob rule, stringing someone up by the neck for no reason and killing them is being used to describe Tiptoeing around a conversation so as to not be called a rapist.
	Even if you're called a rapist, like, that doesn't mean a death sentence by any means.
	It probably doesn't even mean a prison sentence.
	It probably means nothing's gonna happen to you.
	Bad deal.
	Yeah, that's part of the problem.
	And if you're wondering where he's getting all this from, because that's just what liberals, liberal lefties in America are happy to preach, they're happy to preach, that we lynch what I'm assuming is cis white males.
	Oh fuck.
	Well, I guess we got a big, long one for you guys this Monday.
	Yeah, gonna have to edit some of this one down.
	Fun episode, though.
	Wild, wild stuff.
	Wild, wild stuff.
	Thank you so much for listening.
	Once again, subscribe to the Patreon at patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult.
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	Peace.

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