This week the Cult documents awful takes about the Toronto Incel Terrorist from both incels and normies, and we cover the knock-down brawl between comedian Michelle Wolf and Sarah Huckabee Sanders at the White House Correspondents Dinner, including a totally viral clapback from a totally fake Huckabee Sanders Facebook page.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Who got mad at me for saying, hey guys, maybe we should not talk about politics to customers at work. | |
| Oh, this is the guy that was talking to a cop? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Is this the guy who calls everybody Miho? | |
| Yeah, and he was like, he's like, I only come from a place of love, like, you can't censor me. | |
| And I'm like, dude, I'm not trying to censor you, I'm just like, maybe chill, because when people come in and you're in this heated discussion, they didn't, they didn't, they did not volunteer to be in that discussion with you, like, but you're gonna talk all loud and shit, so they're gonna hear you. | |
| You know? | |
| Let's make it comfortable for everybody. | |
| I've never seen, like, the most oversharing ever in my whole life. | |
| Um... So his dad's, like, dying. | |
| Which is really sad. | |
| His dad's dying. | |
| He told you his dad's dying? | |
| Well, he's, like, dying, like, in, like, six days, right? | |
| Jesus Christ! | |
| And, um... This guy sucks. | |
| But he, like, told everybody about it. | |
| Like, every single customer. | |
| They'd be like... He'd say, you know, how you doing? | |
| And they'd say, oh, I'm doing really good. | |
| Just went on a ride. | |
| It's been really fun. | |
| And they're like, how are you, man? | |
| And he'd be like, oh, not too good, man. | |
| That's always, I think we've talked about it before. | |
| It's like, anytime you ask somebody how they're doing and the answer isn't good, then it's like a bad conversation. | |
| Dude, it got worse. | |
| Because he would be like, you know, I'm fortunate to be at work even though my dad's dying right now. | |
| And I was like, go home. | |
| Like, you can go home, that's fine. | |
| Like, you have... Go be with your father, dude. | |
| We have the resources to do that. | |
| You can go home, dude. | |
| It's fine. | |
| Like, you got your back. | |
| And he was just like... | |
| The whole time. | |
| He asked a customer, just a random customer, he doesn't know it all, what do you know about physiology and end times? | |
| Oh my god. | |
| I don't know about a whole lot. | |
| I don't know a whole lot about it. | |
| What do you know about divinity preaching? | |
| And he goes, what does it mean when someone's urine turns orange? | |
| Are you fucking getting me? | |
| He asked a customer what it means if his piss is orange? | |
| If his dad's piss is orange, because his dad's dying. | |
| And then somebody else goes, somebody else goes, oh, real casually, goes real casually, goes, oh, their kidneys are shutting down. | |
| They don't have very long. | |
| They don't have very long. | |
| He's all, hey, that's pretty chill. | |
| It was so crazy. | |
| Why would you tell a stranger that? | |
| Holy shit. | |
| You have to include all of this. | |
| And remember, this is the same guy who talked about his cold for months. | |
| So now he has something to really talk about. | |
| What does it mean when there's blood laced in your stool? | |
| I don't know, man. | |
| Can I get this wheel in a 13-inch? | |
| Exactly. | |
| It sucks so bad, like forcing that on somebody. | |
| God damn it God damn it People are like Oh shit He was like I don't know I feel bad for dudes sometimes You know Like Sell me a bike dude Like He's like No dude You have to You heard me talking about My dead ass dad For like an hour First That's so crazy to me. | |
| He was like, I really hope they don't call me in on Tuesday. | |
| I really hope they don't call me on Tuesday. | |
| Cause you know, my dad's going to probably be dead by then. | |
| And I was like, dude, you don't have to come to work. | |
| Dude, say no. | |
| Don't cover that shit. | |
| What a psychopath. | |
| I'm like, we won't ask you to work. | |
| Dude. | |
| I will get mad if you work that day. | |
| My gut is sore from laughing at this guy's problems. | |
| It's insane. | |
| This guy... Hey, um... Yeah, can you order that part for me? | |
| You know, the handlebars? | |
| Can you order that for me? | |
| Yeah, they'll probably come in around the time of my dad's death. | |
| Which which of course we all know is one week exactly I've been telling telling everybody Hey, if you don't see me in the next couple days, it's probably because I'm at my dad's. | |
| I'm burying my father. | |
| Yeah, dude. | |
| I'll be in. | |
| I'll be in. | |
| I'll be in from 8 to noon, but from noon to 4, I'll be burying my dad. | |
| He tells his person, he tells his customer, who is just a customer. | |
| Like, they know each other's name, but he's just a customer. | |
| Tells him, You know, I really want to see my dad before he dies. | |
| But I gotta wait for my kid to get home so I can take her. | |
| And he goes, how old's your kid? | |
| She goes, oh, 30. | |
| So he's like, I really gotta make sure I get everyone up there. | |
| He's like, oh, um, that's really sad. | |
| He goes, yeah, you know, I didn't have the best relationship with my dad. | |
| I have the best relationship with my dad. | |
| Like, one time he just like kicked the shit out of me into the fireplace. | |
| Yeah, yeah, just like that. | |
| He kicked the shit out of me into the fireplace. | |
| Into the fireplace? | |
| But I just want to make sure I feel good. | |
| I want to see him before he dies. | |
| Is there something strange with that? | |
| I just want to see that guy die. | |
| He unloads. | |
| Can you imagine having that unloaded on him? | |
| Oh my god. | |
| I just want to see my dad that used to beat me one more time before he dies. | |
| Yeah, I want this one crank, uh, specific crank, uh, can you get that for me? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Not until my dad dies. | |
| Not until my father dies. | |
| He would tell people they were delivering things. | |
| You can just set it over there in the corner where my dad's dying. | |
| No, like, uh, food? | |
| Oh man, food smells really good. | |
| I'm not too hungry though, I'm just kinda sad. | |
| Oh, that's a bummer. | |
| Yeah, my dad's dying. | |
| Just like, everybody. | |
| You really gotta stop talking about this dead dad, dude. | |
| I feel like it sucks because you totally feel- that sucks. | |
| That totally sucks, dude. | |
| This is gonna be a really awful thing that's gonna happen in his life and it's gonna be brutal. | |
| Oh yeah, it's gonna be horrible. | |
| Yeah, but it's gonna be real bad for all of us, too. | |
| You should be good, bro. | |
| He'll make sure of that. | |
| He'll make sure it'll be just as bad for you. | |
| I'm gonna be like, hey man, you know what you think you need? | |
| I think you need a radical sabbatical. | |
| You need some me time. | |
| I think you need to go surfing, bro. | |
| And throw up a couple shakas. | |
| He's like a total badass. | |
| He's pretty old, but he still rides like 200 miles a week. | |
| Yeah, what a badass. | |
| That is pretty badass. | |
| So do you have to be a cyclist to work there? | |
| No, it just helps. | |
| Are we quoting that motivational poster? | |
| That ironic motivational poster? | |
| No, it doesn't... You don't have to be a cyclist, but it helps! | |
| Yeah. | |
| The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascist-fornia today, so stay tuned. | |
| We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up. | |
| It's not beautiful when you go across that border, but stay tuned guys and we'll show you exactly what it looks like when it happens. | |
| She has some pretty terrible tastes. | |
| I can't imagine what you're possibly talking about. | |
| She likes like Margot Robbie. | |
| Margot Robbie's like her top girl. | |
| Oh, like in that cool ass movie. | |
| What's it called? | |
| Oh, Wolf of Wall Street. | |
| Yeah, that one. | |
| Sarah has a degree. | |
| In a degree of sexuality that's undeniable. | |
| Brains and strength are sexy. | |
| Let's do it. | |
| Run it. | |
| I'm Alexander Edward. | |
| I'm a friggin' Mount Matt. | |
| And I'm Tony Boswell. | |
| And we are Minion Death Cult. | |
| Go! | |
| Uh, the world is ending. | |
| I can't fucking tell who is responsible this week. | |
| I am. | |
| I think Matt's responsible this week. | |
| Hey, I am, dude. | |
| We're documenting it, as you can hear. | |
| As you can hear in your headphones, it's being documented. | |
| Uh, so, this week, uh... I'm drunk. | |
| And Matt's drunk. | |
| Matt's been drunk, apparently, since 10 AM. | |
| Uh, yeah, 10, yeah. | |
| Uh, which is gonna be an amazing show, I feel. | |
| Sorry already. | |
| It's already been amazing. |