All Episodes
Previous Next
March 16, 2020 - Health Ranger - Mike Adams
13:40
PREPPING PRIORITIES: Beyond the toilet paper
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
This Health Ranger Report Pandemic Podcast is brought to you by NaturalNews.com for uncensored reporting and HealthRangerStore.com for lab-tested preparedness supplies such as storable food, full-face medical masks, biostructured silver first aid gel, and iodine, only while supplies last.
It is March 12th, 2020, pandemic.news update.
I'm starting to feel like Washington state should transform its state flag into kind of a backdrop with a symbol of a slightly diabetic, slightly obese Latina woman with a Costco shopping cart full of toilet paper.
I don't know what it is, but average Americans now think that prepping means buying loads and loads of toilet paper.
Okay, let's have a conversation about prepping priorities, shall we?
Now, those of you who are the listeners, you are mostly preppers.
So consider this to be entertainment.
This is going to be a little bit of fun.
But for maybe newbie listeners who thought that just buying up gobs of toilet paper was the most awesome idea ever, you might find this slightly insulting.
I will apologize in advance.
Well, no, I'm not going to apologize.
It's just...
You see these shopping carts full of toilet paper just overflowing, like all on top, with nothing else in the cart, you know?
Nothing else.
And a question comes to mind.
Hey lady, why you gonna need to wipe your ass if you don't buy no food?
She's not buying any food!
These people are not buying food!
So let's cover the basics of digestion, shall we?
But I know the average American is so disconnected from their body, they don't even know that what they eat gives them diabetes, you know?
They're like, I don't know.
I had diabetes.
I've been drinking all these sodas and eating donuts and ice cream, and my doctor said it's genetic.
Okay, so you're kind of stupid.
But I do understand why you need a lot of toilet paper with that kind of diet.
That makes perfect sense.
You might be able to wipe your way through the apocalypse if you can keep your donuts and your soda supply going.
Who is stockpiling soda, by the way?
What we need is a highly inflammatory diet of liquid sugar.
And phosphoric acid, which is in the soda.
Like, you do know the virus eats your lungs, right?
And that inflammation allows the virus to eat more quickly, like turns your lungs into a giant corona buffet.
Yeah?
Oh, you didn't know that.
Oh, okay.
So those people are kind of stupid too.
People are buying soda.
So soda and toilet paper.
You starting to get the idea?
This is America now.
This is America.
This is the average American.
And if you were to just ask them, like, okay, I see you have a cart full of toilet paper.
Do you have any food?
No.
Okay.
Do you have a firearm?
No.
Do you have any ammunition?
No.
Do you have emergency medicine?
No.
Okay.
What's your plan?
I just got to call 911.
Okay.
Do you have even like little band-aids for your pinky toe?
No.
So basically you have nothing but toilet paper.
Don't want to run out of toilet paper!
By the way, I'm not trying to indicate that this is something related to Hispanics, by the way.
I'm not trying to make a racial joke out of this at all.
It's just that the people that I keep seeing out in public at the grocery stores and the other places are truly these just diabetic, overweight Latina women who are buying all the toilet paper now.
So it's an observation of reality.
And I'm like, what is it with all these Latina women and their sudden need for so much toilet paper?
What's going on?
But what's especially characteristic about this is that you don't see them buying anything else.
So it's so bizarre.
You should try to balance things, right?
And if you don't have food, you won't need toilet paper.
And really what a lot of these people should do, and it's not just Latino women, it's also, I see big fat white guys in Texas, or big old fat ranchers with a cart full of toilet paper.
Because that barbecue, you know, you're going to need an extra half a roll the next day for that barbecue butt that you got going.
See?
See, I can make it multicultural.
You see, the condescending attitude can be totally multicultural.
But this is what I'm observing, and I'm just blown away.
So a friend contacted me today.
He's like, I got some ammo.
You want some ammo?
And I'm pretty good on the ammo side.
What else you got?
He's like, well, I got some rifle ammo.
Yeah, I'm pretty much covered on the rifle ammo.
What else you got?
And so he's trying to think of something that he can trade me for some food.
You know, my healthrangerstore.com food buckets, you know, which aren't even in stock at the moment because we keep selling out like crazy and we're just putting together...
Enough supplies to maybe have like 400 buckets or something, which will be sold the minute we have them live on the website.
But my friend is like, I want one of those buckets, but he can't trade me anything that I don't already have, see?
So everything that he keeps naming, he's like, I've got fish antibiotics, man.
I'm like, yeah, I got a refrigerator full of fish antibiotics.
Oh!
He keeps naming stuff.
I got tourniquets, man.
Tourniquets.
And I'm like, dude, dude, I took a whole class on tourniquets.
I got tourniquets out the wazoo.
Ah, water filters.
He says, I have water filters.
And I'm like, man, I tested 30 water filters in my lab and I still have all 30 sitting there.
I don't need a water filter.
What else you got?
It's this hilarious exercise of someone trying to out prep the health ranger actually is what it has turned into.
It's kind of a fun little game show.
It's like, Out Prep the Prepper!
Episode 1.
Okay, let's try to name something that you don't already have.
I have to get into these exotic.
How about a spork?
I bet you don't have a spork.
Yeah, I actually got a set of rainbow-colored sporks.
I call them the LGBT sporks.
They're non-binary.
They don't know if they're a spoon or a fork.
Serious, I'm not even making that up.
I have a rainbow set of sporks.
Not even joking.
The rainbow sporks.
The tranny sporks.
Totally politically incorrect survival gear.
I know.
It's not camo-colored sporks.
It's rainbow sporks.
Because that's what was available at the time.
But anyway, getting back to Costco.
So smart people are buying, you know, food, ammunition, medicine, antibiotics, antiviral herbs, nutraceuticals, all these kinds of things.
Stupid people are concentrating their preps in one thing that frankly is not that important, such as just toilet paper.
I guess the worst thing imaginable in the minds of some people is running out of toilet paper, not running out of food or drinkable water or what have you, or home defense or self-defense.
You know, how do you defend yourself against a looter?
You buy all this toilet paper, someone just knocks down your front door and comes and takes your toilet paper.
How are you going to stop them?
You need a Glock.
You need, well, actually, you need more than a Glock.
But this particular episode isn't about firearms, so we'll just leave it for the newbies to figure that part out for themselves.
They're stocking up on full metal jacket rounds.
Like, look at all this ammo.
I'm loaded with ammo.
Yeah, your ammo doesn't hurt anybody, you dumbass.
Your ammo makes little tiny holes in people, and that doesn't stop them.
Turns out, you would know that if you ever had fired a gun before, or had trained with anybody in the military or law enforcement, but whatever.
I said I'm not going to make this about firearms.
But, by the way, if you have a bunch of 5.56 ammo, and it's full metal jacket ammo...
It's not that useful.
Just let you know.
Just makes little pencil eraser-sized holes in people's arms and legs.
And unless you happen to hit an artery, which is a very tiny target, it's not taking them down.
So you might as well, well, go get some real ammo, okay?
Real ammo.
Self-defense ammo.
Controlled chaos is what it's called, by the way, if you're curious.
Get yourself some controlled chaos ammo.
That expands on impact, and then you can stop the looters who are trying to steal your teepee.
I don't know.
Are you going to shoot people over teepee?
Personally, I just shoot people on principle if they break into my home.
It doesn't matter what they're after.
You break into my home, you're going to get shot.
That's just the basic default rule.
Break into the Health Rangers home.
Your life expectancy goes to zero.
Whether you're infected or not, there will be a 100% mortality rate for crossing this threshold.
But I guess a lot of people aren't prepared to defend their gear.
So if you're not prepared to defend your gear, you're just prepping for somebody else.
You're out there buying all the food at Costco and all the pet food for your doggy dog.
And you're buying up, you know, your frozen meatball sandwich meals at Costco, whatever they sell.
You're just prepping for the guy who comes in and takes it.
Unless you're prepared to stop them.
And how do you stop them?
Not with full metal jacket rounds in your Glock 9mm, by the way.
Kind of a waste of time.
Maybe some double-aught buckshot 12-eage ammo.
With a nice, oh, I don't know, a legal short barrel shotgun.
Legal, I said.
Not illegal, but legal.
I always say keep it legal.
Or maybe a nice, fully functioning AR with a binary trigger on it.
How about that?
Binary trigger system.
You know, one round goes when you pull the trigger and another round goes when you release it.
So you work that trigger and it's like, it's almost like full auto, basically.
Binary triggers.
Yep.
And then you have non-binary triggers, which are rainbow-colored.
But that's a different joke for a different day.
You better think about organizing your preps in a logical fashion.
To summarize this, prioritize what you're getting and why.
And understand the basic human needs of food and water and shelter and security and, you know, light, maybe, communications, things like that.
I don't know.
We're kind of late in the game to be talking about lists.
If you want lists, you could have read lists, like, for the last 10 years.
If you don't have all that stuff and you don't have a bug-out bag, you're like, what's a bug-out bag?
Then...
It's kind of too late for the list.
Just buy your teepee and hunker down and just wait.
You'll see what happens when you don't prep.
There's a bunch of people that are going to find that out real quick.
But anyway, we say all this in jests, of course, because the regular listeners to this podcast are fully prepped and they're laughing along with me or perhaps at me.
I don't know.
Either way is okay.
As long as you're laughing, my job is done here.
Thank you for listening.
Mike Adams, TheHealthRanger, Pandemic.News.
When it comes to prepping, you not only need good products that can help keep you alive, awake, aware, and nourished during difficult times, you also need products you can trust.
At the Health Ranger store, we do extensive laboratory testing.
Using an in-house lab that's ISO accredited, it's inspected, it's audited, It's a two-year process to even get that accreditation.
We use multiple mass spec instruments, state-of-the-art science.
I'm a published science author as well and a patent holder on several technologies, some of which we use variations of in our lab.
The purpose of this lab is to help you make sure you get clean foods, superfoods, storable foods for emergency preparedness and survival use.
We have a certified organic lab tested, what's called ranger bucket collection of storable foods with some survival gear in the buckets to help you even boil water and cook those foods and so on.
It's a fantastic product.
We can barely keep it in stock, even during normal times.
In a crisis, we'll be wiped out of this product, because it actually takes us a lot of time to make those products.
But if they're in stock, you can get them now at healthrangerstore.com slash prepwithmike.
In fact, go to that URL, healthrangerstore.com slash prepwithmike, and you'll see some of our We have a lot of products for you to help you Be self-reliant, to be safe, to survive difficult circumstances, natural disasters, and all kinds of things.
If you want to get prepared, do it with us at the Health Ranger Store so that you know you're getting safe, clean, laboratory-verified preparedness foods, supplements, and other related products.
Again, the URL is healthrangerstore.com forward slash prepwithmike.
All one word, no spaces.
Prepwithmike.
I'm Mike Adams.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you for watching.
If you want to support our mission, visit us at healthrangersstore.com for the world's largest selection of lab-verified superfood and nutritional products for healthy living.
▲
Export Selection