| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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NOAA Snow Warning
00:09:32
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|
| All right, the NOAA, that's the National Oceanographic and, I think, Atmospheric Administration, is that what it is? | |
| The NOAA, part of the government, has said to those people in Washington, D.C., you're about to get pummeled with 30 inches of snow. | |
| Yep, 30 inches. | |
| And in their radio weather announcement, they've stated, quote... | |
| They try to translate this for the dumbasses living in Washington, D.C. who don't know anything about preparedness. | |
| They have a section now called Precautionary Slash Preparedness Actions. | |
| And it says, a blizzard warning means severe winter weather conditions are expected or occurring. | |
| Really? | |
| Is that what a blizzard warning means? | |
| I mean, so look, this is how dumb people have become in America that you have to tell them the definition of a blizzard warning. | |
| Like most people, you know, a generation ago, they would have said, oh, a blizzard warning probably means it's going to be a freaking blizzard, right? | |
| You know, a lot of white snow, wind, you know, hard to see, you know, difficult to travel, you know, you'd probably freeze if you're walking around in a tank top and shorts and flip-flops like that girl in Wisconsin died a couple days ago pulling that off. | |
| You know, Americans used to be intelligent enough to know what a blizzard warning meant. | |
| Now they have to translate it for you. | |
| So it continues with the NOAA, quote, falling and blowing snow with strong winds and poor visibilities are likely. | |
| Really? | |
| You mean a blizzard means falling and blowing snow with strong winds and poor visibility? | |
| No way! | |
| Holy cow, I'm going to have to rethink my whole paradigm of what a blizzard is. | |
| I thought it was tropical sunshine, pina colada on the beach, gentle waves lapping on my ankles. | |
| No, apparently it has to do with falling and blowing snow. | |
| It continues, quote, this will lead to white-out conditions. | |
| White privilege comes in. | |
| Can you believe the NOAA and their racism? | |
| White-out conditions. | |
| Of course it's all racist. | |
| The snow is white, too. | |
| And you notice how the white snow blankets everything like it's controlling it? | |
| It's the man. | |
| It's the white man blizzard. | |
| Uh-huh. | |
| Whiteout conditions. | |
| I knew the NOAA was racist. | |
| We've got to get some social justice warriors over there shoveling snow to get rid of that. | |
| That's the thing. | |
| Find some social justice warriors in the D.C. area, hand them a shovel, and say, we're going to get rid of the white. | |
| Here, clear my driveway. | |
| See what happens. | |
| See if they go for it. | |
| Alright, it continues. | |
| Making travel extremely dangerous. | |
| Do not travel. | |
| That's a whole sentence from the NOAA. Do not travel. | |
| Okay. | |
| As if... | |
| There are probably people out there who realize, yeah, there's 30 inches of snow coming in a blizzard condition. | |
| Hey, let's take a trip to the park. | |
| No, let's drive around town and go get some barbecue. | |
| So the NOAA has to tell people, do not travel. | |
| Really, they should put in parentheses, in case you're a complete idiot. | |
| Nevertheless, it continues. | |
| If you must travel... | |
| If you must travel... | |
| And here's the real gem of this. | |
| Have a winter survival kit with you. | |
| Whoa! | |
| Wait a minute. | |
| I thought the government and the mainstream media told us that survival was kooky. | |
| If you're a survivalist, you're some kind of redneck, gun-toting, Bible-thumping... | |
| A tree-squirrel-eating southerner. | |
| Oh, if you're into survival, there's something wrong with you. | |
| You're some kind of a kooky conspiracy theorist. | |
| How dare you want to be engaged in survival? | |
| But now the government says, have a winter survival kit with you. | |
| Notice they didn't say have a winter survival kit back at your house while you're stuck in your car with no survival kit. | |
| So now they're actually saying you should have a survival kit. | |
| Well, this is a big change. | |
| It used to be just they would say, no, no, it's survival. | |
| You're probably anti-government if you have a survival kit. | |
| What, you don't believe? | |
| Us, when we tell you that everything's okay, the economy's just fine, then you know the stock market's going to recover, every little dip is just a buying opportunity, everything's cool, everything's awesome. | |
| That's the government. | |
| You don't need survival, you don't need preparedness, you don't need diversification. | |
| Keep all your money and dollars and put it all in your bank so they can take it from you when the crash happens. | |
| Alright, if you get stranded, it says, stay with your vehicle. | |
| No! | |
| I think you should wander aimlessly in white-out conditions in your t-shirt, your tank top, and your shorts and your flip-flop. | |
| You know, flip-flops are kind of like snowshoes, you know, sort of. | |
| Just a smaller surface area. | |
| If you have a good imagination because you believe what you see on CNN, then flip-flops are kind of snowshoes. | |
| You could flip-flop around a little while, and then after a while you might stop flopping as you freeze. | |
| But really? | |
| Stay with your vehicle? | |
| You mean I should stay inside something that provides shelter? | |
| No! | |
| I want to wander aimlessly down the highway and hope someone rescues me. | |
| I can't believe this preparedness advice. | |
| Yeah, we should have an online seminar. | |
| The NOAA teaches survival... | |
| They would have really intelligent tips like don't jump off tall buildings. | |
| Don't wander aimlessly in a blizzard when you have your car right there next. | |
| Stay in your car. | |
| Don't drink strychnine. | |
| Don't look down the barrel of loaded firearms to see if they're loaded or not. | |
| Yeah, that's good advice from the NOAA. If you get stranded to stay with your vehicle, prepare for the possibility of power outages during snowy and cold conditions. | |
| All right, now this is actually sensible advice, the first sentence that probably needs to be stated. | |
| Yeah, you should prepare for the grid to go down intermittently or for some period of time, three days, three weeks, who knows? | |
| So the NOAA now is in the survival business, and they're really covering the basics, like Survival 101. | |
| Hey, wear a coat. | |
| Have on long pants. | |
| If you're in your car and you're driving in 30 inches of snow, don't wear shorts. | |
| Have a pair of gloves. | |
| And, you know, maybe a hat would be nice, some earmuffs, some mittens. | |
| You know, have a cell phone with you that isn't out of batteries, and better yet, you know, have a radio, a CB radio, even better. | |
| All right, so they are now predicting various hazard types here. | |
| Heavy snow and wind with blowing and drifting snow. | |
| That's actually their sentence. | |
| Heavy snow and wind with blowing and drifting snow Friday afternoon through Saturday night. | |
| Sleet may mix with the snow Friday night into Saturday morning before changing back to all snow. | |
| Basically, there's a bunch of cold stuff coming out of the sky, alright? | |
| Just get used to it. | |
| Sleet may mix with the snow. | |
| What is this, a recipe for a smoothie? | |
| And you add in some lemon juice. | |
| And you take some snow and you put in some ginger. | |
| Sorry, I'm having too much fun with this. | |
| Maybe it's because I love the snow. | |
| I actually grew up in a climate where we used to sled as kids. | |
| Did you ever do that? | |
| The snow comes, it shuts down the schools, it's awesome. | |
| You get to grab a sled and you get to go hang out with friends and slide down hills and break your teeth out when you hit trees and whatever else happens. | |
| It's all fun. | |
| Okay, so the city of Washington, D.C. is expected to receive around 24 inches. | |
| Alright, conditions are expected to deteriorate Friday afternoon with the heaviest snow. | |
| Heavy snow and blowing snow will cause dangerous conditions, it says. | |
| Really? | |
| And will be a threat to life and property. | |
| No way! | |
| Travel is expected to be severely limited, if not impossible, during the height of the storm Friday night and Saturday. | |
| Well, it's kind of interesting that this is happening on a weekend. | |
| So, you know... | |
| Have a common sense approach to this. | |
|
Stay Safe, Stay Warm
00:03:02
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|
| Those of you who are on the East Coast, I know that you're laughing at this along with me because you're already well prepared. | |
| If you listen to the Health Ranger report, you've got preparedness nailed. | |
| You already have a survival kit, right? | |
| You've got backup food, water, medicine, communications, gear. | |
| You've got like a sleeping bag in your house in case the power goes out and your house gets cold, you can still hunker down and be just fine. | |
| You're all set. | |
| But you're going to see a panic in the mainstream culture of D.C. and Baltimore and other cities that are impacted by this because, again, we live in a nation now where the masses are preparedness morons and they have to be told things like, oh, if it's a white-out blizzard, don't leave your car and wander aimlessly down the highway on foot. | |
| That's the kind of advice now that we have to tell people. | |
| So we're like, shouldn't we just let them just do that and win the Darwin Award? | |
| I mean, seriously, as a society, shouldn't we... | |
| Hey, if you think that walking through a blizzard in flip-flops is a great idea, just go for it, man. | |
| Go for it. | |
| We'll try to revive you after your body's been on ice for, you know, 48 hours. | |
| And sometimes we can revive you, right? | |
| A little cryogenic experiment with people who are removing themselves from the human gene pool. | |
| So, this is why I'm kind of, I'm with George Carlin on this. | |
| I kind of like to see humanity's response to natural disasters because it sorts out the survivors from the morons, doesn't it? | |
| You know, whether it's a hurricane or a severe storm or who knows, one day like a grid down, lights out scenario, cyber attack on the grid. | |
| Right? | |
| What if it takes out the whole northeastern power grid for ten days? | |
| That would tend to sort people out. | |
| You know, you'd have the morons, and then you'd have the actual people who are ready to survive. | |
| And that would sort them out very quickly, which is a great service for the rest of us to observe. | |
| Okay. | |
| Alright, so that's the story. | |
| Everybody stay safe, obviously, and you're going to do just fine. | |
| Don't fret. | |
| Get your supplies well in advance. | |
| If you haven't already stocked up, you need to do it right now before the crowds. | |
| Probably too late, actually, so forget what I just said. | |
| You need to hunker down, stay safe, and also don't forget to practice self-defense if it is legal in your area. | |
| I don't anticipate a lot of break-ins. | |
| I don't anticipate... | |
| I don't think this is going to be a high crime time. | |
| It's going to be a time when people, it's too damn cold for people to go out and rob other people. | |
| They're going to stay home. | |
| So this is not a huge self-defense type of emergency, in my opinion. | |
| Anyway, stay safe. | |
| And if you do still have internet access, listen to my broadcast on healthrangerreport.com or check out live streaming radio at talknetwork.com. | |