Lionel Nation - What's the Worst Thing You've Ever Smelled?
Aired: 2023-11-19
Duration: 11:07


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[00:01:31]  Years ago, I got my start in talk radio in...
[00:01:36]  well, I actually hit the airwaves in October of 1988.
[00:01:42]  I was doing a weekend show in Florida.
[00:01:45]  Just on a whim.
[00:01:48]  And it was a great radio station and they allowed me to ask anything, talk about anything.
[00:01:53]  And the question that I came up with one time, which was the greatest talk radio question ever was, what's the worst thing you've ever smelled?
[00:02:03]  I'll never forget this.
[00:02:05]  I did it one time.
[00:02:06]  It was 9 o 'clock in the morning.

=== Something Memorable (04:58) ===

[00:02:08]  It was 9 to noon was the show.
[00:02:09]  So it was right before lunch.
[00:02:11]  And I remember the program director at the time says, you do realize this is radio?
[00:02:14]  I said, yes.
[00:02:16]  And you do realize that you can't smell things on the radio?
[00:02:20]  I said, yes.
[00:02:20]  But people can describe it.
[00:02:22]  And people who are not necessarily the most, well, the most literate, descriptive, have a recollection of something.
[00:02:35]  I said, my only Warning was, please, nothing bodily or inguinal or perianal or anything like that.
[00:02:45]  That's easy.
[00:02:46]  I'm talking about something that you remember in life.
[00:02:49]  And, and, and, the reason why is that olfactory memory, smell memory, is 100%.
[00:02:55]  And the reason why it's 100% is that there's a reason why nature wants you not to forget bad smells.
[00:03:04]  And it set me off The world of talk radio.
[00:03:08]  Nobody had ever done this.
[00:03:09]  I don't know why.
[00:03:10]  So people who called up and said, well, I may not know too much about politics, but one time, I didn't realize that changing grease traps, people who worked in the restaurant business who changed grease traps, grease traps, apparently, this is the worst smell.
[00:03:26]  People always talk about burnt flesh and feathers and things like that.
[00:03:29]  But grease, I heard a number of people talk about grease traps, changing them.
[00:03:36]  But the one that I remember the most, the best explanation was brevillequence, meaning brevity and eloquence combined, kind of a truncation, a portmanteau, so to speak, of the two.
[00:03:51]  It went as follows.
[00:03:52]  And now, this was 35, whatever years ago.
[00:03:59]  I have no idea how long ago this was.
[00:04:01]  In any event.
[00:04:02]  It went like this.
[00:04:03]  A guy calls up and he says, I'm a veterinarian.
[00:04:07]  And one day, I got a call.
[00:04:09]  We had to put down a horse.
[00:04:11]  And I always love that term.
[00:04:12]  Putting down.
[00:04:14]  Hey, nag.
[00:04:15]  Hey, sway back.
[00:04:16]  Like you hurl insults at them.
[00:04:20]  Old paint.
[00:04:21]  Anyway.
[00:04:23]  And it went like this.
[00:04:24]  He said, and I found out it had a rather pronounced, irreverent, we heard about vaginal, Vaginal tumor.
[00:04:32]  Now, stop right there.
[00:04:34]  Now, just remember, this is Talk Radio, 1990...
[00:04:38]  I don't know what it was.
[00:04:43]  No!
[00:04:44]  It doesn't matter.
[00:04:46]  And, you see what I did?
[00:04:47]  That's a sign of age.
[00:04:48]  Old people do that.
[00:04:49]  They'll say, it was a two...
[00:04:51]  No, it was a one...
[00:04:52]  Who cares?
[00:04:53]  So, I heard this.
[00:04:56]  Vaginal tumor on a horse that he had to...
[00:05:01]  Put down.
[00:05:02]  Just your brain is going.
[00:05:07]  Just your brain.
[00:05:08]  And I did what people did on 60 Minutes.
[00:05:13]  Ever watch 60 Minutes?
[00:05:14]  Leslie Stahl?
[00:05:15]  They just repeat what you say.
[00:05:17]  So I walked in and there was a guy dressed up like a rooster.
[00:05:23]  He was dressed up like a rooster.
[00:05:27]  Yeah, like I just said it.
[00:05:28]  Leslie, I just said that.
[00:05:29]  Yeah, we're dressing like a rooster.
[00:05:31]  So anyway, so I walked in and I did what I had to do.
[00:05:34]  I pulled out a gun.
[00:05:35]  You pulled out...
[00:05:36]  Are you going to repeat what I'm saying?
[00:05:38]  This is what they do on CBS.
[00:05:40]  CBS Sunday morning they do it in 60 minutes.
[00:05:42]  Why did something kind of near that?
[00:05:44]  I stretched it out.
[00:05:46]  I said, wait a minute.
[00:05:47]  Let me get this straight.
[00:05:48]  Let me get this straight.
[00:05:49]  It's a great cross-examine.
[00:05:51]  You heard it had a vaginal tumor?
[00:05:52]  Oh, yes.
[00:05:53]  Was it significant?
[00:05:54]  Quite significant.
[00:05:56]  Okay.
[00:05:57]  Significant!
[00:06:01]  Significant.
[00:06:01]  Horse.
[00:06:03]  He's got to kill it.
[00:06:04]  It's so bad.
[00:06:05]  Here is the word.
[00:06:07]  This is the word.
[00:06:09]  This is what did it.
[00:06:13]  And it was never anything explicit.
[00:06:17]  He said, I was walking towards the horse.
[00:06:22]  And when I got to about 10 to 15 feet away, It hit me.
[00:06:32]  That was it.
[00:06:36]  It hit me.
[00:06:39]  I knew it was good, the topic, because people were coming up to the window.
[00:06:44]  And there was this window where you could look in.
[00:06:47]  This was right before their lunch.

=== Tales That Haunt Us (04:16) ===

[00:06:50]  And they're looking at me because they can't believe what they're seeing.
[00:06:53]  They can't believe what they're saying.
[00:07:00]  And I never said, what did it smell like?
[00:07:04]  Never!
[00:07:05]  I never said, can you describe it?
[00:07:08]  Never!
[00:07:09]  Because like Hitchcock taught us, let you, let the audience come up with the image, the horror.
[00:07:21]  Let them fill in the blanks.
[00:07:24]  And it hit me.
[00:07:26]  That was it.
[00:07:29]  It was the most beautiful thing in the world.
[00:07:31]  And it was at a time when talk radio was so wonderful.
[00:07:38]  I could tell you a bunch of wonderful stories I heard.
[00:07:40]  In fact, I'm going to do this because I love people who can tell a story.
[00:07:47]  And they say it in a way where it's so...
[00:07:49]  It's like people who can tell a joke.
[00:07:51]  It's the economy of words, the perfect sequencing.
[00:07:58]  Quick story like that.
[00:08:00]  I asked one time, and we may do a topic on this, the worst thing you've ever seen, and that's a little bit different.
[00:08:06]  This guy told me, he says, he always wanted to go along for a ride with his friend who was a cop.
[00:08:13]  And I think it was in the New York area, and he said, I want to do a ride-along.
[00:08:17]  And he said, no, no, no, please, please.
[00:08:20]  He goes, okay, alright.
[00:08:21]  So they did a ride-along, and he signed the waiver and did all this stuff so he could see what was going on.
[00:08:28]  So, they got this call.
[00:08:29]  It was an accident.
[00:08:30]  A young kid hit by a car.
[00:08:33]  And he told his friend...
[00:08:35]  He told his friend, you stay here.
[00:08:40]  This is pretty bad.
[00:08:42]  His friend says, oh, no way.
[00:08:43]  No, I gotta see it.
[00:08:44]  He goes, no, it's a kid.
[00:08:45]  It's a car accident.
[00:08:47]  It'll freak you out.
[00:08:48]  He goes, even better!
[00:08:50]  He said, okay, but I'm warning you.
[00:08:52]  I said the same thing too.
[00:08:53]  But the first time I saw something like that, it haunted me.
[00:08:56]  He says, oh my god, I know I've got to see it now.
[00:08:59]  So he crept up, not crept up, walked up, kind of parted, and there was the kid on a bike, tipped over, covered with red, like blood-looking substance, and a white, he was amazed, it was this white, gooey, he's trying to figure out, what is this?
[00:09:22]  What is this reaction?
[00:09:24]  Blood and...
[00:09:26]  Body humor, dura.
[00:09:29]  What is this?
[00:09:31]  Meninges?
[00:09:32]  You know, pick your...
[00:09:33]  And the kid all of a sudden snaps out of it and says, My pie!
[00:09:39]  My mother's going to kill me!
[00:09:41]  He was bringing home a pizza, a pie.
[00:09:44]  And he was fine.
[00:09:46]  It just kind of knocked him out.
[00:09:47]  But it was all over him.
[00:09:49]  He couldn't see the box.
[00:09:51]  But there was this kid covered in red and white.
[00:09:56]  Goo.
[00:09:57]  And he almost lost it.
[00:09:59]  And then he said, wait a minute.
[00:10:01]  It's okay.
[00:10:02]  It's pizza.
[00:10:03]  Now, here was what was interesting.
[00:10:05]  He said he had to go from disgust and shock to hilarity and surprise in a millisecond.
[00:10:15]  Now, this may not hit you now.
[00:10:18]  But you think about that.
[00:10:21]  It was a reaction he's never found in life like this.
[00:10:24]  Immediate shock, horror, disbelief, hilarity.
[00:10:29]  Think about that, my friends.
[00:10:32]  And welcome to my world, because I love the human experience.
[00:10:41]  I'm asking you, please list below, what's the worst thing?
[00:10:47]  And please, don't be gross.
[00:10:48]  No, no, no, please.
[00:10:50]  There's no need.
[00:10:50]  Don't be obvious.
[00:10:53]  I'm talking about grease traps.
[00:10:57]  Equine neoplasms.
[00:11:00]  Please, subscribe to the channel.
[00:11:05]  Thank you for letting me into your brain.