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Nov. 19, 2023 - Lionel Nation
11:07
What's the Worst Thing You've Ever Smelled?
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Years ago, I got my start in talk radio in...
well, I actually hit the airwaves in October of 1988.
I was doing a weekend show in Florida.
Just on a whim.
And it was a great radio station and they allowed me to ask anything, talk about anything.
And the question that I came up with one time, which was the greatest talk radio question ever was, what's the worst thing you've ever smelled?
I'll never forget this.
I did it one time.
It was 9 o 'clock in the morning.
It was 9 to noon was the show.
So it was right before lunch.
And I remember the program director at the time says, you do realize this is radio?
I said, yes.
And you do realize that you can't smell things on the radio?
I said, yes.
But people can describe it.
And people who are not necessarily the most, well, the most literate, descriptive, have a recollection of something.
I said, my only Warning was, please, nothing bodily or inguinal or perianal or anything like that.
That's easy.
I'm talking about something that you remember in life.
And, and, and, the reason why is that olfactory memory, smell memory, is 100%.
And the reason why it's 100% is that there's a reason why nature wants you not to forget bad smells.
And it set me off The world of talk radio.
Nobody had ever done this.
I don't know why.
So people who called up and said, well, I may not know too much about politics, but one time, I didn't realize that changing grease traps, people who worked in the restaurant business who changed grease traps, grease traps, apparently, this is the worst smell.
People always talk about burnt flesh and feathers and things like that.
But grease, I heard a number of people talk about grease traps, changing them.
But the one that I remember the most, the best explanation was brevillequence, meaning brevity and eloquence combined, kind of a truncation, a portmanteau, so to speak, of the two.
It went as follows.
And now, this was 35, whatever years ago.
I have no idea how long ago this was.
In any event.
It went like this.
A guy calls up and he says, I'm a veterinarian.
And one day, I got a call.
We had to put down a horse.
And I always love that term.
Putting down.
Hey, nag.
Hey, sway back.
Like you hurl insults at them.
Old paint.
Anyway.
And it went like this.
He said, and I found out it had a rather pronounced, irreverent, we heard about vaginal, Vaginal tumor.
Now, stop right there.
Now, just remember, this is Talk Radio, 1990...
I don't know what it was.
No!
It doesn't matter.
And, you see what I did?
That's a sign of age.
Old people do that.
They'll say, it was a two...
No, it was a one...
Who cares?
So, I heard this.
Vaginal tumor on a horse that he had to...
Put down.
Just your brain is going.
Just your brain.
And I did what people did on 60 Minutes.
Ever watch 60 Minutes?
Leslie Stahl?
They just repeat what you say.
So I walked in and there was a guy dressed up like a rooster.
He was dressed up like a rooster.
Yeah, like I just said it.
Leslie, I just said that.
Yeah, we're dressing like a rooster.
So anyway, so I walked in and I did what I had to do.
I pulled out a gun.
You pulled out...
Are you going to repeat what I'm saying?
This is what they do on CBS.
CBS Sunday morning they do it in 60 minutes.
Why did something kind of near that?
I stretched it out.
I said, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
Let me get this straight.
It's a great cross-examine.
You heard it had a vaginal tumor?
Oh, yes.
Was it significant?
Quite significant.
Okay.
Significant!
Significant.
Horse.
He's got to kill it.
It's so bad.
Here is the word.
This is the word.
This is what did it.
And it was never anything explicit.
He said, I was walking towards the horse.
And when I got to about 10 to 15 feet away, It hit me.
That was it.
It hit me.
I knew it was good, the topic, because people were coming up to the window.
And there was this window where you could look in.
This was right before their lunch.
And they're looking at me because they can't believe what they're seeing.
They can't believe what they're saying.
And I never said, what did it smell like?
Never!
I never said, can you describe it?
Never!
Because like Hitchcock taught us, let you, let the audience come up with the image, the horror.
Let them fill in the blanks.
And it hit me.
That was it.
It was the most beautiful thing in the world.
And it was at a time when talk radio was so wonderful.
I could tell you a bunch of wonderful stories I heard.
In fact, I'm going to do this because I love people who can tell a story.
And they say it in a way where it's so...
It's like people who can tell a joke.
It's the economy of words, the perfect sequencing.
Quick story like that.
I asked one time, and we may do a topic on this, the worst thing you've ever seen, and that's a little bit different.
This guy told me, he says, he always wanted to go along for a ride with his friend who was a cop.
And I think it was in the New York area, and he said, I want to do a ride-along.
And he said, no, no, no, please, please.
He goes, okay, alright.
So they did a ride-along, and he signed the waiver and did all this stuff so he could see what was going on.
So, they got this call.
It was an accident.
A young kid hit by a car.
And he told his friend...
He told his friend, you stay here.
This is pretty bad.
His friend says, oh, no way.
No, I gotta see it.
He goes, no, it's a kid.
It's a car accident.
It'll freak you out.
He goes, even better!
He said, okay, but I'm warning you.
I said the same thing too.
But the first time I saw something like that, it haunted me.
He says, oh my god, I know I've got to see it now.
So he crept up, not crept up, walked up, kind of parted, and there was the kid on a bike, tipped over, covered with red, like blood-looking substance, and a white, he was amazed, it was this white, gooey, he's trying to figure out, what is this?
What is this reaction?
Blood and...
Body humor, dura.
What is this?
Meninges?
You know, pick your...
And the kid all of a sudden snaps out of it and says, My pie!
My mother's going to kill me!
He was bringing home a pizza, a pie.
And he was fine.
It just kind of knocked him out.
But it was all over him.
He couldn't see the box.
But there was this kid covered in red and white.
Goo.
And he almost lost it.
And then he said, wait a minute.
It's okay.
It's pizza.
Now, here was what was interesting.
He said he had to go from disgust and shock to hilarity and surprise in a millisecond.
Now, this may not hit you now.
But you think about that.
It was a reaction he's never found in life like this.
Immediate shock, horror, disbelief, hilarity.
Think about that, my friends.
And welcome to my world, because I love the human experience.
I'm asking you, please list below, what's the worst thing?
And please, don't be gross.
No, no, no, please.
There's no need.
Don't be obvious.
I'm talking about grease traps.
Equine neoplasms.
Please, subscribe to the channel.
Thank you for letting me into your brain.
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