Cash, gold, bitcoin, dirty man safes keep your assets hidden underground at a secret location ready for any crisis.
Don't wait for disaster to strike.
Get your Dirty Man safe today.
Use promo code DIRTY10 for 10% off your order.
When uncertainty strikes, peace of mind is priceless.
Dirty Man underground safes protects what matters most.
Discreetly designed, these safes are where innovation meets reliability, keeping your valuables close yet secure.
Be ready for anything.
Use code DIRTY10 for 10% off today.
And take the first step towards safeguarding your future.
Dirty Man Safe.
Because protecting your family starts with protecting what you treasure.
Disaster can strike when least expected.
Wildfires, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes.
They can instantly turn your world upside down.
Dirty Man Underground Safes is a safeguard against chaos.
Hidden below, your valuables remain protected no matter what.
Prepare for the unexpected.
Use code DIRTY10 for 10% off and secure peace of mind for you and your family.
Dirty man safe.
When disaster hits, security isn't optional.
It's not optional.
You know, I wish, I wish sometimes I could have a, some kind of a, of a, Like a camera.
Like one of these police vest cams.
To take you into my world.
To show you what it's like to be in my world.
Mrs. L and I went to a to a local drug store whose initials are CVS.
Consumer value store, right?
Used to be.
And they're wonderful places.
And you can always tell Where you are by this.
Do you ever go to a CVS where nothing is locked up?
I want to know where is it.
I mean, I can understand things like, you know, the pharmacy.
You know, narcotics knocked up.
But bath wash, locked up.
Certain deodorants, locked up.
Toothpaste, locked up.
And this poor guy, ding dong, you got to push this.
Customer service.
What is it?
He comes over.
Poor guy's got a bunch of keys.
Yes, I'll take the anal itch cream, if you don't mind.
Yes.
And the tegrin.
What do I have there?
Do you have something for, yes, for perineal flaking?
Do we have that, please?
Yeah, I gotta tell you what I'm...
Yes, I'll take the seborrhea.
Right, the industrial strength in the little vat.
I'll take that.
Box of swabs.
Some personal bandages.
Yes, I'll take that, please.
Thank you.
And some Depends.
Could you please give me some Depends so I can completely destroy whatever self-worth I have, whatever pride I have I'm going to do.
By the way, Jeff Noble is new to your show.
Jeff, I'm going to give you one of those just to say welcome.
Who's new here?
That's great.
See, Jeff...
Everybody give Jeff Noble a hand.
Give him some coffee cake.
Get to the front.
Or crumb cake.
Get to the front.
Go to the front.
Who else is new?
Jason says, what is this?
I love this.
What is this?
What the hell is this?
I love this.
Thank you.
You've made my day.
I'm not even done telling you about the CVS.
Tux pads.
Tux.
Tux.
Tux are good.
That's right, Billy Pierce.
Kayfabe, babe.
Tux without alcohol.
Tux pre-moistened pellets without alcohol.
My question always was, you mean you had alcohol in it?
Imagine that.
Hey, I understand you got some pretty painful, some stalagmite-like.
Yeah, here, why don't you try some of these?
It's a little pad.
It's an ointment pad.
Go ahead.
Would you have some?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I understand.
Here, try one of these.
Maybe we shouldn't have put alcohol in there.
Let me peel them off of the ceiling.
It's really something when you go to these things and you see the stuff that you can buy.
And if you need them, can I tell you one time?
Witch Hazel.
Remember Witch Hazel.
Two true stories.
One friend of mine towards the end of her life.
We went to go by and see her.
And she said, I said, did we get you anything?
She said, would you, this may sound weird, but can you give me some Depends for that?
Absolutely.
No problem.
Don't worry about it.
And I've always thought it was very funny.
I've always said that, you know, Depends, this is a device, whatever, that you want to work every damn time.
In fact, it should be called Works Every Damn Time.
That should be the name of it.
Works every damn time.
If you want to go to a Giants game, don't worry about men's room lines.
Just sit there.
Have at it.
Don't worry.
Depend.
Works every damn time.
Like Fort Knox.
Nothing gets out.
No problem.
Works every damn time.
So, comes in two sizes for men and larger sizes.
Works every damn time.
Why don't you buy that?
Works every damn time.
So instead, what is it called?
It depends.
I don't know about that.
So anyways, I walked in, and I'm standing there with a big depends, and sure enough, at the counter, are you, um...
I said, well, yeah.
I said, oh, this isn't for me.
Well, whatever.
Yeah, right.
No, no, it's not.
No, seriously.
It's not for me.
I'm just a friend or whatever.
Oh, you bring, depends.
Yes, I do, as a matter of fact.
It's kind of a housewarming gift.
I'm old-fashioned that way.
Second time.
Friend.
Older gentleman.
Went to the hospital.
I'm coming by to see you.
Do you need anything?
You know?
This sounds a bit odd.
So, what size?
What size?
What do you mean?
That depends.
What size?
I know.
Because they don't have them, and he's a...
So anyway, sure enough, I went to another one, and there I am standing there.
This time they didn't recognize me, but I thought, if somebody does, I'll say, damn, this guy, he just bought a big bag box the other day.
But you need that stuff.
You need that stuff.
Look who's here.
We got Jeff, we're saying welcome.
Is it Jeff?
CVS wide open in Fort Oglethorpe, Georgia.
See that?
Dick Long.
Thank you, Dick.
Big Dick Long.
Thank you, sir.
CVS.
Incontinence pants?
Doesn't incontinence sound?
I had a friend one time who was sending, who's a judge, who was sending a letter to the chief judge.
And his secretary wrote, I will not continence that.
Not countenance.
He wrote countenance as in terms of...
Anyway, so let me tell you about this.
So he walked in to the CVS.
First of all, it reeks of weed.
I'm telling...
It looked like something from a Death Wish movie.
Remember the crowds who always had this paint and Lawrence Fishburne was in there.
I think he goes, hey sucker!
You know, with the switchblade.
Come on, baby!
Clint Eastwood also had these.
There was this one actor who always played the pimp.
Come on, man!
You know, always like this.
Always had just knives.
You know, they were still into that 50s.
They were still into that 50s kind of sharks and jets kind of thing.
But we have that.
There was a couple, a male couple, they looked like something from Woodstock.
Sort of, you know, lived together, been together a long time, but they look like they probably owned an old bookstore somewhere, and they're walking around, and then there is somebody who looks like something from a village people outtake.
It just was, and the weed, and the this, and the people who were working there, sometimes they're nice, sometimes they're not, sometimes you walk in, they're supposed to say, Welcome to CVS.
Welcome.
This one was on our phone.
Yeah, okay.
That's enough.
That's enough.
But it was just weird vibe.
Somebody comes in with a bag full of, you know, paper, a plastic bag.
Just weird.
Nothing that you see on TV.
Nothing that you see on TV.
Just like this.
Hey, baby!
Sucker!
And that's the pharmacist.
In any event.
So today, Oh, New York City reeks of weed.
Reeks of weed.
It's not the real stuff.
Let me just say something.
And let me just say something to you.
There was a time when the smell of pito, marijuana, depending upon where it was from, from what I was told, It had a very distinctive, almost like a nice smell.
You go to a concert, it was a different smell.
West Coast stuff smelled very piney, very evergreeny, very Christmas tree.
Mexican, different.
Florida had...
Mayaka City was one they had a...
Again, you would read this.
I did a lot of reading.
They had mud pot.
It was cured basically in manure.
It had a weird kind of a peat, like a bog peat smell to it.
This is from just smelling.
And some of them smelled good, and they were all different.
Different textures, different aromas, different flavors, different strengths, different whatever.
There was different everything.
You never knew what you were going to get, as I was told.
You never knew what...
It just was a bit of a...
High Times Magazine had the bud, the centerfold, and they would show a bud showing these colors and resin, rosin.
It was just completely different.
Today, it's that one smell, that one flavor, that one guaranteed army issue, horrible.
It's not.
Weed.
It's not pito.
It's not marijuana.
It's not...
It's not that.
There's no cinsemilla.
There's no Oaxacan Red.
There's no Wauwi Maui.
There's no...
Nothing like that.
There's no...
Nothing.
It's just this thing.
Nobody knows anything about...
There's no ties with holes from seeds that pop.
From what I've read, I've read this stuff.
There was a kind of a...
It didn't knock people out.
It didn't kill people.
This is horrible stuff.
This is horrible.
Let me just tell you something.
You're going to see eventually one day some bad stuff.
Let me also tell you something.
And you may not want to hear this, but I know as a matter of fact, I've got a friend of a friend, and this is not uncommon, but a family member who went psycho, psychotic, as in schizophrenic, as in emergency treatment, as in hyperemesis, vomiting, as in arrebatau, gone.
Okay?
And I'm talking to friends and they said, this is common because this is triggering schizophrenic attacks.
And there is nothing worse than a schizophrenic attack.
It usually hits in their 20s.
It's the worst thing and there's no coming back.
You don't get back.
You don't get better.
There's medication, of course.
There's different things.
But it's not like, hey, that was wild.
Remember when I was schizophrenic?
Sometimes they're episodic.
We're not talking about that.
We're people who are going to need long-term care.
And this is not reefer madness, my friends.
This is not reefer madness.
Okay?
Now, changing the subject just a little bit, if you don't mind.
I hate Memorial Day.
And I hate this.
They died for our freedom.
Now, I'm not going to argue the point.
And I'm not going to tell somebody who lost someone or who was in Vietnam, in particular, because this is the last Korean is just...
You know, Korea, think about this, think about this.
The Korean War was, and don't hold me to this, 53,000...
It was like three years, right?
About 53,000.
Hang on a minute.
Korean War was from 50-53.
So three years.
June 25th through July 27th.
And it was not a victory.
It was just a ceasefire.
The number of killed.
Korean War dead.
Listen to this number.
This kills me.
Korean War in which at least 2.5 million persons lost their lives.
How many U.S. troops died in the Korean War?
Around 36,000 U.S. servicemen out of a total of around 40,000 deaths for U.N. forces.
36,000.
I heard it was more.
Let's say 40,000.
Let's just make it easy.
Three years.
Vietnam was ten years.
Roughly ten years, right?
Vietnam War was ten years.
About 55,000.
Vietnam War was, I remember, 1955 to 1975.
Well, yeah, but we were there a little bit later.
Basically, what I'm trying to say in this most circuitous way, you have, in essence, three times, three times the deaths per day, almost, roughly, in Korea than in Vietnam.
The most horrible, and the hero was O.P. Smith, this incredible, wonderful Marine General, O.P. Smith, in Korea.
And please, I direct you, if you could, there is a wonderful O.P. Smith, there is a wonderful piece, it's called How O.P. Smith Saved 15,000 Marines, and it's a lecture given by Tom Ricks.
And it is wonderful what O.P. Smith did.
Not O.C. Smith, that's God didn't make little green apples, and it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summertime.
Okay?
Incredible.
That's all I've got to say.
I just...
And those people who went through that, that hell, that absolute incredible hell, for what exactly?
What was the reason?
What was the reason given again?
Please tell me.
For my freedom?
See, this is the part that drives me crazy.
When you say that, what you're doing is you're letting yourself off the hook.
You're saying, I don't really have to feel bad because after all, it was for a good cause.
He was fighting for our freedom.
No, he wasn't.
They weren't.
Nobody was fighting for any freedom here.
No freedom here.
Nobody's freedom.
South Korea, different story.
It was this post-World War II This insanity.
Granted, you've got China basically and North Korea invading it.
I understand that.
But nobody died for my freedom.
Nobody.
And the thing that I would love to tell these wonderful, because they're here this week, Here in New York City, because of Fleet Week, you see them walking around all the time with bags, wearing their Navy suits and the Marines in a row, walking around, they're doing their stuff.
Let me tell you something.
I'd like to go up and say, I don't know what you've got a boat for.
You're not going to need a boat, because you're going to be right here.
There's no need for you to get on a boat and go anywhere else.
You stay right here.
You protect the United States.
No reason for you to go on a boat.
I know you're the Navy.
Oh, you can kind of go around, like a big circle line.
But you're not going to go to Finland in some NATO thing.
Ain't going to happen.
Ain't going to happen.
You're going to stay right here.
You want to protect my freedom?
Stay right here.
You look out for any enemy zeros or bandits or bogeys coming.
Stay here.
We're not going to have any of this anymore.
No more of this.
Not on my watch.
No more.
Forget it.
If you sell all the boats, we don't need them.
We're not going anywhere.
We're staying right here.
We're not going to Iraq.
We're not going to Iraq.
What was the purpose of this?
This is the most incredible thing in the world.
I don't understand this.
What are we doing?
What are you talking about?
You're not going to take these people and send them someplace.
You're not going to be some NATO force.
You're not going to do that.
Uh-uh.
NATO has nothing to do with us.
Don't give me this.
The Soviet Union is done.
It's finished.
You cold warriors.
What is the matter with you?
I do not understand any of this.
We are a vile, vile species.
And let me tell you, I don't know what AI is going to do with this.
I don't know what AI is going to do.
I have no idea.
But I hope to God that AI is able to figure out...
To have some form of a conscience.
Some kind of a conscience.
And do something to stop this.
I don't like humans.
I don't like us.
I don't like what we do to children.
I don't like what we do to old people.
I don't like these marauding bands of savage criminals all over the country who go and decide...
I'm going to hurt you.
You've got something I want and I'm going to take it.
Or I'm going to go up and clobber you.
Clobber you for no reason whatsoever.
Because I can.
And then when I'm arrested, somebody's going to argue something called critical legal studies or some kind of restorative justice and they're going to let me go.
You better be thankful.
Thank God that I am not.
Somebody who is in charge of anything.
Believe me when I say this.
Believe me.
Thank God that I'm not in charge of this.
Because for somebody who years ago was very, very cautious about how we don't want to overextend the criminal justice system.
We don't want to be too punitive.
We don't want to do anything that in any way...
It interferes with the ability to appreciate liberty.
Screw that!
I'll make a deal with you.
I'll make a deal with you.
More cops, more Hercules units on the street, more everything, I'm in it.
I've never feared the police.
Now granted, people say, well maybe you don't because you're not in certain parts of the country.
Maybe you've never been pulled over because you're black.
That's true, and that's got to stop.
Short of that, though, we'll correct that.
Bring them on.
And I would have so many things different.
I would have...
I would be the worst president anybody's ever seen.
Well, I understand that Kiev...
So what?
It's not my problem.
That's your problem.
Don't look at me.
Well, you know, the Vietnam, Viet Cong, they're coming into, uh-huh, yeah, yeah, uh-huh.
Well, they're going to be moving into South Korea, uh-huh, yeah, yeah.
Well, we'll help them with maybe some equipment or something, but we're not going over there.
No!
That's a civil war.
No way!
Uh-uh!
No!
Sorry!
Iraq!
Why are we going to Iraq?
We're not going to Iraq.
9-11.
What about 9-11?
Well, 9-11.
They're not from Iraq, whoever these people were.
They're not from Iraq.
What are you talking about?
Well, but Saddam Hussein may have weapons.
Don't even assault me.
Get out of here.
Get out of my office.
Get out.
Get out.
We're not going to Iraq.
Uh-uh.
He's an evil person.
I'm an evil person.
What are you talking about?
We're all evil.
We're in government.
Shut up.
Get out of here.
What about Afghanistan?
I know why you want Afghanistan.
Because it just so happens, That Afghanistan is the Saudi Arabia of lithium.
Did you ever see this article?
Let me show you this one thing.
You can quote me.
Have this one handy.
Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia of lithium.
New York Times.
I'll never forget this.
And there we go!
June 13, 2010.
The United States discovered over nearly $1 trillion.
What was that again?
$1 trillion.
One more time.
$1 trillion in untapped mineral deposits in Afghanistan.
Far beyond any previously known reserves and enough to fundamentally alter.
The Afghan economy, and perhaps the Afghan war itself.
The previously unknown deposits include huge veins of iron, copper, cobalt, gold, and critical industrial metals like lithium.
They are so big and include so many minerals that are essential to modern industry that Afghanistan could eventually be transformed into one of the most important mining centers in the world.
Isn't that something?
And it just happens to be the place that we went to fight to look for Al-Qaeda or whoever the hell these people were.
Isn't that something?
Is that something?
Can you believe that?
I can't believe that.
Here's my favorite *music* This is the one that I tell people and I just...
I just want to remind you of this.
This is from Reuters.
This is from 2007.
U.S. sent pallets of cash to Baghdad.
This is my favorite.
When schools are shut down and school lunch programs are cut off and the elderly people...
Okay, listen to this.
The U.S. Federal Reserve sent record payments of more than $4 billion in cash to Baghdad on giant pallets aboard military planes shortly before the U.S. gave control back to Iraq.
Why are they going to give that money?
I don't know.
The money, which had been held by the U.S., came from Iraq, oil exports, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Listen to this.
The bills weighing...
A total of 363 tons.
These are $100 bills.
363 tons were loaded onto military aircraft and the largest cash shipments ever.
In 2008, $1.5 billion was shipped, the largest payout of U.S. currency in Fed history.
Then it was followed by $2.4 billion and then $1.6 billion.
And to this day, we don't know anything.
About where that money went.
We have no idea.
So don't give me this nonsense.
Don't give me this nonsense.
Don't tell me that we don't have money for this and that.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it.
I'll never...
363 tons of cash.
Tons of cash.
And America is so bloody naive.
We just...
Forgot about it.
You understand that?
We just forgot about it.
You understand this?
You understand this?
This is something which I cannot explain to you anymore.
And I mean this sincerely.
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Explain this anymore to you.
This is why I have personally had it with most of the stuff that I'm seeing.
So when you talk about, again, these brave men and women, men in particular who died, you have to ask yourself.
You have to ask yourself.
Every time you keep saying they supported, they benefited our freedom, what you're doing is You're lining them up to be sent somewhere else.
No, they did not have anything to do with our freedom.
Stop saying that.
Bring them here.
Stay here.
You don't have to go there.
800 military bases in 70 countries.
Enough!
We don't need to do this!
Now, am I a conservative?
Or am I a liberal?
Which one is it exactly?
How does this work?
Am I a liberal?
I don't want...
War is no problem.
I had no problem in World War II.
We had a lot of problems in World War II.
I think the St. Louis should not have been turned around and sent back to...
Anyway, but aside from that, I've got some real serious questions about...
Japan and Pearl Harbor and other things.
But aside from that, and other people do, I'm not the only one.
So while we honor the brave men and women who died and the people who died because of suicide, no more of this.
No more.
And if Victoria Nolan Wants to go to...
Where was it again?
Get her arse over there.
Show us how it's done.
Right behind you, Vicki.
Right behind you, gal.
You go there.
Come on.
Don't give me this.
There's no such thing as gender.
Don't give me this business about you're a woman.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
And by the way, if gender's transitory, so is age.
Come on.
I'm with you.
Let's go.
Come on.
Show me how it's done, Vicki.
Come on.
Here's an M4.
Come on.
Let's go.
Show me how you dig a latrine.
Go ahead.
I want to see this.
Because you want to go.
You love this war stuff.
You think it's great.
And as soon as somebody starts shooting at you, and you hear that noise, it's a whole other story.
and you see stuff that you can't believe.
So, not for me.
If any of my...
Children or anybody else's children that I know ever said, I'm going to go in the Marines.
You do what?
Excuse me, what was that again?
You want to do what?
Marines?
No, you're not going to go in the Marines.
No, no.
No, you're not going to go in the Marines.
No, you're not.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm going to have you, you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to call somebody up and I'm going to have you committed for involuntary commitment.
Baker Acton.
I'm going to put you under some kind of involuntary commitment for 72 hours.
And I'm going to have you, no.
Because if you want to submit yourself to these people, you want to go do this?
To fight what?
You're not going to be fighting anything that matters here.
You want to do that?
No, for my dead body.
Oh, no, you're not.
Oh, no.
Don't give me this bitch about you're an adult.
Don't give me that.
I know how to do things.
I'll guess I don't mind if I'll brand you crazy for the rest of your life.
You're not going to go there.
Because you know what they're going to do?
They're going to send you someplace and you're going to say, what am I doing here?
And then somebody's going to say, thank you for your freedom.
And they're going to put your name on some kind of wall.
And then, and then, while your family is home, just crushed over your death with your picture.
And mothers, never the same.
Never the same.
People are going to be out at the beach saying, we're out celebrating the freedom that these dead people get.
Don't even insult my intelligence with that.
Don't even insult my intelligence.
I've had it.
If you want to go, you can be a mercenary.
You can do it.
You could be a foreign legion.
You could be a merc.
You can call Z or one of these black watch or black whatever.
And you go there.
Go there.
And there's something strange about it.
And you know all these shows on YouTube about Sixers, Delta Force people, and they're all Seal Team Six.
They're all Seal Team Six.
They're all Seal Team Six.
And they're having these discussions and these darkened sets and they're talking about how they went there and they're all covered in tats and they've got the military look and the whole bit.
What did you do this for?
What was the purpose of this?
Tell me.
I don't understand it.
There was something that...
Used to be, in the 60s, they would say, what if they have a war and nobody can?
Quit glorifying this.
And do me a favor.
Let me just say something.
And let me just see if I can do this.
Because I'm seeing a lot of this.
With all this talk about gender, there's a lot of little boys out there.
Hear me out.
There's a lot of UFCs and MMAs and all this stuff and they would do rear naked chokes.
They want to go out and know how to kick people in Muay Thai and this and that.
And they love guns.
They love to shoot.
And that's great.
Do it because you want to do it.
But don't do it to play a role of a tough guy.
This is what a man should do.
To be a boxer.
To hunt.
To field strip a moose in the middle of the...
This is a part of it.
Uh-uh.
And all those people, the people who went to war, and they're talking about it now, and they're lauded, and I hope they do well in their careers, but they're not right.
You don't go to war and come back.
You're not right.
You're not okay.
You're not supposed to be.
PTSD is a natural reaction to an unnatural situation.
If you came back, if you said, that was great, you didn't see anything, You didn't see anything.
If you came back and said, hey, that was terrific.
No.
You were in the motor pool or whatever it was.
People who have actually been involved in very serious, you're not the same.
And what's also the weirdest part about it?
Listen to this.
Sebastian Younger, I love his books on war and how he went and how he...
Oh, and Michael Herr, Dispatches, and...
I love the stories about the grit and the grime and the subhuman and how these men would oftentimes, by virtue of...
It was weird.
Not weird.
They had a love, a camaraderie.
They would sleep together either because of temperature, but craving something that was not at all sexual.
But it might have been, I don't want to say homoerotic, that's not it either.
But there was a love, it was a human love that transcended brothers, family, wives, I need you to back me, and we're in this world, we have no police.
If you decide to shoot somebody, contrary to what they tell you, and you shoot some civilians, did you see that?
I didn't see that.
Hope there's no Cy Hirscher.
This is not exactly me lying.
You are the man.
You can do whatever you want.
You're in another country doing what exactly?
Fighting the Taliban.
Why?
Because they're the bad guy.
Who says they're the bad guy?
Oh, they are bad people.
Maybe.
But because they have something to do with 9-11?
I don't know.
And then you leave this.
You leave this situation.
You leave this world and you come back.
And you end up at a Walmart?
Or you come home and they expect you to somehow just say, well, you're back.
Welcome home.
Thank you for your service.
Now, can you run by the store and pick up a, what?
Do you know what I've done?
Do you, I mean, you hear this and they, you can't just bring me back.
Now, not everybody goes through this, of course, but more than you can imagine.
And they start drinking, or they start doing drugs, or they figure out, you screwed me up!
You put me in this world, and then you bring me back?
And you give me one of these, and I'm going to go, what, drink beer at the VFW?
And no!
And when you see these old guys sit around with their hats and say, World War II veteran, if any of them are alive, they may look like your grandfather.
They may look like these cute little old men.
But what they saw, and what they did, Oh, man.
Human beings should not do that.
So that's why I don't like this war talk.
I don't like any of this talk.
I don't like the way we love to talk about...
I don't like these people who talk about guns.
I respect guns.
I think you should have them if you need them to protect yourself.
But they're nasty.
And I have no time for a bunch of little boys...
Pretending, you know, oohing and aahing over war and fighting and hitting people and killing people because they're tough.
It's an immature...
Let me tell you it a step further.
We're producing a bunch of little boys.
These aren't men.
I mean, they're men in terms of...
I can pick something up.
But in terms of maturity, being smart...
Being wise, being sapient, sagacious, educated, refined, loving, a father, a husband.
See, that's boring.
Who wants to watch a show about that?
Give me the guy with the beard and the tats who tells me stories about how he went to the Helmand province and took out a bunch of...
You know, that's...
I don't care.
That's why we're so screwed up.
Because it goes back to what I'm saying.
And I'm going to tell Dylan, you know what, you want to be a woman?
You want to be a man?
You know what this means?
It's called being an adult.
It's called being a human being.
Believe me, there's no YouTube channel called Let's Be a Human Being.
Nobody wants to see that one.
Have you ever seen dead people really hurt?
I mean, not just, not in the funeral home, not in a hospital, but I mean in the crime scenes.
I've never been to war.
I've seen crime scenes.
I've seen, you know, things like that.
There is nothing at all nice about that, in the least.
That's why I swear to you, when I hear about kids hurting themselves, self-harm, there's a word for that which I prefer not to use for the sensitive algorithmic ears, I like to say, come here, let me show you something.
I'm going to take you to a place.
It's called a morgue.
I'm going to show you.
Come on.
I'm going to show you this.
Come on, you want to, listen, if you, if you, if this is your thing, I want you to see what this looks like.
This is the way they're going to find you, too.
Come here, it's not what you think.
It's not this, oh, I'm so sleepy.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It doesn't work like that.
Not everybody has a nice nighty night.
It's not nice.
It's not pretty.
Come here, let me show you this.
This is the thing because we romanticize, we talk about stuff, and we forget what it really means.
George Lent says, speak with anyone who served in conflict.
Chances are they don't want to talk about it.
Absolutely not!
You're absolutely correct.
Thank you, by the way, George.
That's for you.
That's sort of simple.
I...
We had...
I'll never forget one time.
Years ago, the closest I ever came...
Well, two things.
One was our radio station was years ago right near MacDill, which is now CENTCOM.
So I got the chance to go to the officer's club and all this kind of jazz.
But what I really enjoyed was I worked for a U.S. senator named Dick Stone.
Richard, parentheses, Dick Stone.
The only senator to have his dick in parentheses.
That was my joke.
And he was in the Veterans Affairs.
And I, as a 21, 22-year-old recent graduate, would go to military, veterans' places.
And one was a place, it was like a, it was like a, not a strip mall, but it was, it wasn't a VA hospital, but it was, you know, where you have like appliance stores and they had this veteran.
Very nondescript, and I walked in, and he looked at me, and I looked like a kid.
And these people have been there.
They weren't that much older than me, but they have been Vietnam veterans.
And I remember this one guy.
I'm talking to him, and he shows me he had the typical poindexter, these kind of army-issue glasses with tape around the bridge.
Now, I...
They were laughing.
It turned out, I couldn't believe it, he couldn't get trouble with this, he has to get glasses, they're special, I don't know what, he can't get them.
I said, wait a minute, explain this to me.
I don't understand this.
You can't get glasses, is that it?
Yes.
Give me your information.
Okay.
What I didn't tell you was, I knew how to forge the senator's name.
One time, I would travel with him.
It was the best job I ever had.
We were at a restaurant one time and this guy goes, oh, Senator, thank you.
I've got your picture here.
And he says, oh, that's great.
Did I say that?
So I showed him and said, give me your, I said, you do your signature and I'll do your signature.
Don't show me yours.
I'll do it.
No, you show me yours.
And it was uncanny.
I said, I've been sending letters out to everybody.
Hope you don't mind.
He says, well, no, great.
So I sent one on behalf of this guy.
And I didn't know anybody at the time other than Harold Brown.
The Department of Defense.
It's the only name I knew.
And we had the franking privilege.
You could put a label on this mug.
I could put that label on the mug and it's as good as gold.
So I went and I sent it and this guy was so happy.
I mean, he just...
And I said, this is nothing.
Now, when the senator comes back, and he's in town, and it's time, we're time, you know, it's re-election time, I said, if I might, could I suggest a place we can stop by?
Because I was the travel guy.
Me, 22 years old, I got on him.
Yeah, almost 22. Driving my mother's station wagon.
We had no GPS.
I said, if I could, let's go by this veterans place.
They like you there.
Trust me.
We went there with the pictures and the cameras.
We walked in and it was like, oh my god.
They loved it.
It made me feel so good.
It made me feel so terrific to help these people.
I mean it.
I was like radar on MASH.
I had more stuff done than you Could imagine.
I'll tell you one quick story.
We used to go travel.
I was with the senator.
And we'd go to courthouses.
And any time, they always needed help.
There's always somebody who needs help.
So I had a guy in Washington that I could call.
And this was before cell phones.
I said, I'm going to call you.
And if I give you the name, we're at this courthouse, you better call this person back before we leave.
So you got that?
And there weren't a lot of names, but anyway, so this one woman or something, I don't know what her problem is.
So I call my friend, he's at the senator's office in the Russell or whatever, no, I forget which office building it was.
Anyway, and he got the number, called her back.
We were still there.
And she's like this.
She goes, it's Washington.
She was like shocked.
I said, he's the senator.
He loved it.
Constituents.
Constituents.
I'm going to tell you about this.
Not now.
But I've got more stories to tell you about what I did.
Broke laws.
Perhaps.
Maybe.
But I'll tell you what.
I did understand one thing.
The way we treat veterans is shocking.
Because in Florida, we had Bay Pines, big Veterans Hospital.
We had a lot of retirees there.
We had the highest concentration of Medal of Honor recipients in that area.
I mean, it was serious.
Hardcore.
Remember what they went through.
And PTSD doesn't go away.
It doesn't get better.
That's one thing I did.
I thought, well, shouldn't it kind of?
Uh-uh.
It's not a memory you forget.
So, I get very upset when I hear people say, thank you for your service.
Now let's go to the beach.
Where are you going?
Makes me sick, just like during 9-11.
Support our troops.
Here's that little yellow ribbon.
Support our troops.
Support our troops what?
God bless America.
What are you talking about?
What happened?
What does this mean?
I don't know.
I just say that.
I just say that.
Today we had some...
How about those jets flew over today?
This formation?
Whoa!
That'll wake you up.
It's very impressive.
But those jets were there for one reason.
To kill people.
And blow things up.
And you know what?
I think we should do less of that.
I think we should be able to do it.
If we have to.
But if there's a God...
Which I am not necessarily a believer in, but if there is a God, I think God would prefer my way of thinking versus in this lunacy.
In any event, so we'll get through this.
If you serve this country, and especially if you didn't have any way of getting out of it, and you had to go, thank you for that.
Thank you for that.
You couldn't get out of this.
You didn't want to do this.
I mean, maybe you want to serve your country, but nobody wants to go to war.
It's the most ridiculous thing in the world.
Ever.
Ever.
I hate it.
I despise it.
And I hate little boys who love to play soldier.
You want to play soldier?
Go over there.
Go do it.
Go do it.
Because the real heroes, the ones who are the badasses, are people you would never think.
You would think, wow.
Him?
Him.
It ain't John Wayne.
Alright, dear friends.
Don't forget to follow Mrs. L at LinzWarriors on YouTube and her Twitter account at Linz underscore Warriors.
I expect to see more of that, by the way.
I don't see that.
And I'm at Lionel Media.
At Lionel Media on Twitter.
Alright, so anyway, on behalf of a grateful nation, thank you so much.
And by the way, presidents and people should not ever salute unless you're in uniform.
They asked Eisenhower, why aren't you saluting back?
He says, I'm not in uniform.
I think he knows something about the rules.
Ronald Reagan started that glorified saluting business.