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May 15, 2023 - Lionel Nation
01:03:23
Mother's Day Reverence

Ineffable respect.

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Good day.
Let us begin by saying Happy Mother's Day while it still counts, before somebody figures out that somehow...
Gender doesn't apply to maternity.
I don't understand it.
I don't understand where this came from.
So, if you're a mother, good for you.
Without you, there's nothing.
We don't need, you don't need men.
We don't need it.
We need your womb.
A womb with a view.
In vitro goes to an extent.
A uterus is still required.
Let's be honest.
We're going to be talking about this today and also how you should think back a little bit about the way you are and what mothers do.
By the way, please subscribe to this.
You know the routine.
Please subscribe and like this.
We need your liking.
I just had this wonderful...
For the longest time, I was subscribing to this one newspaper, and it's just a waste of time.
Just a waste of time.
Not because of the content, but because there's just nothing there.
So anyway, I call up, and this woman, one of these customer service people, I answer the phone, and I said, I'm here to cancel.
My account.
Whatever account.
And she said, I have the number.
And she says, awesome.
Now, for some reason, I had my dictionary lined up on my screen.
This drives me crazy.
She said, awesome.
I said, extremely impressive or daunting, inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.
That is awesome.
I'm just curious.
What is awesome?
About my having my subscription number.
Extremely impressive or daunting, inspiring great admiration, apprehension or fear.
Why do people say awesome?
I don't understand that.
That's not the correct word.
If I were to blurt out the F-bomb, well maybe today would be okay, but people would say, wait a minute, why did you say that?
Oh, I don't know.
You said awesome.
I said a word that has nothing to do with it.
I gave you my subscription number.
There's nothing daunting about that.
Why do you say that?
Why do you say this?
Mr. Gretzky, Ms. Gretzky, again, thank you, please.
I will identify as a mom today.
Happy Mother's Day.
Well, thank you.
I want to talk about mothers.
Mothers are important.
May I tell you about mine?
If I don't break down, because it will...
I don't...
I'm not one for crying, but this is tears of joy.
First of all, my mother looks nothing like me.
I say looks because to me she's present.
She's alive.
Red hair, freckles, Irish looking, and then us.
I don't know where we came...
We look like, I used to say, baggage handler for Air Morocco.
Absolutely.
Either she gave me my...
I don't think she gave me...
It's a combination.
I think she laid the groundwork.
My father and I were very dissimilar.
Loved the man.
Sweet.
Loved.
Respect.
He did more for me.
Best parents ever.
But she and I were like this.
Sense of humor.
Off-kilter.
I had this thing one time.
She told me, I don't know if she brought it to my, I think she brought it to my attention.
She found it, or I found it.
And she would say, one time she says, you know, death sometimes changes people for the worse.
Well, when I heard this, I spit out whatever it was.
I got it.
It was funny.
And other people around the table, I see.
And I said, they don't get it.
She says, no, they don't.
But you do.
You get it.
And we were off to the races.
All our life, she got it, I got it, twisted.
So I had it made one time in a beautiful, I had it done calligraphy.
I don't know who said this, I have no idea, but it cracks me up.
Death, sometimes.
Changes people for their work.
Not always.
Death is an improvement.
It's so...
She got the language part.
My father was talking to his friend, Tony.
And Tony, they were talking about...
This kills me!
About death.
And do you want burial?
Whatever it is.
Cremation.
So my friend, my father's friend, Tony, said, I don't know, cremation seems so final.
My mother and I look at each other and we blurt out laughing.
They didn't see it.
Did not see it.
I remember little stupid things.
I remember being a little kid and my mother said one time, you know when a book, you know how you can tell how old a book is?
I said no.
She opened it up and said, look, she showed me the copyright.
I thought, that's great.
I don't know how old I was.
I don't know how old I was.
She always told me about sex.
Always knew it my entire life.
But never inappropriately.
And I can remember.
And I've told her this.
I said, am I remembering this correctly?
Or am I remembering what I told the story last hour as I told it?
She says, no, no, it happened like that.
My mother was painting a room.
And I said, where did I come from?
Well, he goes, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I want to know.
Who knows the age?
Could have been 30. I have no idea.
Five, six.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Where did I come from?
Explain this to me.
So she gets down on the ladder.
It was a ladies' home journal.
Good housekeeping, something like that.
She takes a pen.
She draws an egg.
She draws a sperm cell.
She shows this flagellum uniting.
And then she's kind of like trying to show meiosis or whatever it is.
I don't know.
And she's trying to explain this.
And then implantation.
And I said, oh, okay.
Well, how does it get in there?
And she said it.
I don't know how much YouTube of this will handle.
She says, well, because a man puts it in.
Oh, okay.
With what?
With his...
Yes.
Okay.
Inside the...
Yeah, okay.
Just like that.
Like it was nothing like the sun comes up, the sun goes down, put it in there, that's what it's for.
That's what it's for.
That's nature.
That's sex.
That's reproduction.
No big deal.
No problem.
That's what happens.
None of this business about, and then when you pray, you know, that kind of thing.
He explained it like that.
And my father heard it and said, yep, that's it.
Just like that.
Sex was normal.
Sex was natural.
Sex was reproduction.
You asked me a question.
No, well, you're not old enough for that or nothing like that.
So one time, I remember watching TV and somebody, again, I might be misremembering it, somebody was pregnant.
And the wife went to the husband and said, Honey, I got a surprise.
What?
We're going to have a baby.
What?
We are.
Yay!
And I said, Wait a minute.
Hold it.
I went to her and I said, This is the way I thought.
Does he not remember having sex with her?
Because I knew that's what you called it.
Does he not remember this?
Because I thought you did it, and you waited, and you have a baby.
And that's it.
This, this, this.
She says, no.
You don't do it just to have a baby.
You do it because it feels good.
I said, oh, okay.
That was it.
That was it.
I understood it.
And sex, from that point on, was just, okay.
No big deal.
Any question.
Any question.
Remember that book, Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask?
Remember that book?
By Ruben.
It was the hottest book.
Which my parents, my mother had.
He goes, here, read it.
Go ahead.
Nothing from it.
No problem.
Always, always, always.
My father would say, now if you want a drink, don't drink, I'd say.
If you want a drink, have a drink here.
I was a kid.
I don't want to drink.
Well, if you do, it's here.
But don't drink outside.
Uncle, no, I don't want to drink.
If you do, I said, I know.
I took all that fun away.
Everything was like, eh.
And then there was this sense of things that just set the tone.
You can ask them whatever you want.
I was a good kid.
I never had any problems.
My mother told me Bossa Nova.
Jobim.
I can remember hearing this.
Like one of the first things I ever heard.
This was Jobim, Jean Gilberto Jobim of 60...
Before Sergio Mendes, Brazil 66. It was prior to that.
That's what I first heard.
That was my Beatles.
To this day, it's like rooted in me.
I hear Tom Jobim and it's like it's hardwired.
And she just...
Ooh.
And then we did this thing where I would say, well, here's my music.
And I had this chair in my room, and I'd play music for her.
She goes, that's great.
I played Deodato for her.
She loves jazz.
She loves this.
Monty Alexander.
Always.
She taught me Sarah Vaughan.
Carmen McRae.
Stuffed them when she was a kid.
Music.
Always, always like, ooh, that's interesting.
That's good.
My sister, Mishkina, Bobby Sherman.
You know, what are you going to do?
*cough*
She was always interested in doing things like, for example, she thought one time, she said, making compost is very good.
So she said, compost?
I said, compost?
Okay, good.
She said, I have to get horse manure.
I hear, she read horse, this is before the internet, I hear horse manure versus cow.
But horse is really good.
Horse.
Okay.
Well, whatever.
Anyway, we're at a party one time and somebody says, I got horses.
Do you mind if I come?
Can I have your manure?
Sure.
I thought nothing of it.
One day, she picks us up from school.
We've got like these old clothes.
Come on, we're going to get manure.
I said, wait a minute, what?
Yes.
So we went to this place and we're out there and my sister is looking around like this.
And we're, you know, scooping this stuff up.
I don't know how much.
More than you could possibly.
We had a 69 Chevy Impala filled with this stuff.
All of a sudden we hear this like thunder.
So what is this?
I'm looking up.
There's no thunder.
And we look.
And like a scene from I don't know what.
From the distance I see like dust.
It's like horses.
They're bad.
Barreling towards us.
We're in the paddock or whatever they call it.
My sister and I, again, realizing danger, we ran out of that.
My mother's in there like nothing.
I've got her way.
The horses, these big heads.
And she says, come on, you!
I said, we're not going in there.
She's shoveling this stuff.
Put it in the back of the car.
I don't know what was in that stuff.
I don't know what kind of...
Worms or prions, some protoplasmic equine manure, but my father opened up the trunk and in the back it looked like we were transporting bodies.
What is this?
It was like stuff.
I didn't know what it was.
It wasn't a worm.
My father...
Anyway.
So she says, now I'm going to make this stuff.
And she gets these big, big bins and she's putting this stuff with a layer of grass.
It puts the thing in a layer of grass.
We put it behind the shed in the backyard.
It was a shed.
Puts it along the property line.
These two or three big bins of rotting...
300, 500 degree organic breakdown, feculent, fetid, organic waste mixing with grass and clippings and baking in the sun, in the Florida sun.
You got them new.
Our neighbor, our neighbor had a little party on their back porch area.
And we had, you know, a hedge.
You couldn't see.
So this is what they heard.
Oh my God!
What's that smell?
So my mother goes like this.
So we went to the, we're like hiding behind it, and we're listening to these people.
Oh my God!
We got to take this back.
And we were howling.
Amidst this rotten...
One more story.
This is the demented.
We were at the...
I think it was the Shrafts Hotel, Buffalo, New York.
My mother...
We drove to Canada from Florida.
Drove.
Drove to Canada.
Turned around and came back.
Summer vacation.
Drove.
Saw nothing.
We're in the back of the car.
No internet.
No books.
No, I see you.
Tennessee.
Oh, Stucky.
How I didn't lose my mind?
I have no idea.
We're at the Shraff's Hotel.
We're sleeping.
My mother wakes us up and says, here, she's got two buckets of ice.
Ice?
I said, what is this, a party?
She says, these people are checking in.
Come on.
So we go out to this balcony and we start.
We're not hanging over.
She goes, no, don't hang over.
Just kind of get an idea and kind of drop these off.
And we're laughing.
Bombs away.
Ice cubes on these people who were checking in.
All of a sudden, boom, boom, boom.
Knock on the door.
She says, go to bed!
My mother, the greatest actress who's ever lived.
Forget Helen Hayes.
No.
Turns the light up.
My father, of course, is out.
Out to lunch.
My mother goes, hello?
Yes?
Excuse me, we've got a report that somebody's throwing ice.
What?
Somebody's throwing ice.
Throwing ice!
I've got two sick kids with diarrhea!
She really embellished.
I don't know if you think this is funny or not.
No, I'm sorry, ma 'am.
No!
Let me tell you something.
Now we're tired.
Must be the wrong room.
You better believe it's the wrong room.
Closes the door.
Hands us back.
The buckets, now they're really getting it.
She's just, I mean, she's not even throwing them in the video.
She's just emptying the stuff.
Demented.
Wonderful.
Wonderful.
Hadley, just, I can tell you a story, but the thing is, is that everybody, everything was funny.
We were at the place called Crystal one time, and for some reason, I don't know why, but they had all these.
Bugs that were on the windowsill.
I guess some kind of...
I don't know why.
But I don't mean bugs.
I mean like a dragonfly inside a restaurant.
And we're saying, how did a dragonfly get inside?
And they're all dead.
Prehistoric.
So we had this chili, which wasn't that great.
So we placed the bugs in the chili.
So we're outside.
And we're howling, watching this kid clean up the...
Looking at this, just laughing.
Another quick story, very quickly.
I had this...
I forget how old I was.
I learned how to type.
And my mother said...
Oh, it was for Christmas.
She gave me some stationery.
My name.
And I said, what's this?
She goes, well, you should know how to write a business letter.
And I still type.
Like I did when I was a kid.
There's a dictionary that we had, and in the front part of the dictionary, they said, here's how you send the form for a business letter.
I said, let me write a letter to somebody.
I said, okay, who?
She says, I don't know.
And for some reason, she says, J. Edgar Hoover.
I said, who's that?
He's like a policeman, FBI.
This is before Quinn Martin.
I was a kid, a little kid.
Okay, put FBI, Washington, D.C. It'll get there.
No zip codes, no nothing.
Now, a little background, and I promise I'm done with the story.
Remember Boy's Life?
Boy's Life magazine?
I was a Boy Scout for like, I was like a Cub Scout, for like an hour.
And I forged all...
I could forge signatures.
My parents' signatures.
I was getting all...
I'm sorry.
I swear to honor...
I'm getting merit badges for things that are ridiculous.
Polar excavation.
I'm in Florida.
And nobody ever questioned it.
How did you go to the North Pole?
Well, okay.
Well, there's a signature.
So, in Boy's Life, there was this thing that says you can get...
Cancelled stamps.
It's called the Jamestown Stamp Company.
Jamestown, New York or something.
Cancelled stamps.
Why do you want cancelled stamps?
But it said free.
Well, I thought it said free.
I don't know.
I sent away for cancelled stamps.
And I get this first bag.
I said, oh, that's nice.
I threw them away or whatever.
But apparently there was something.
I had committed myself to something.
I didn't pay.
So I got this letter.
Threatening to litigate or whatever.
I don't know how much it was.
I show it to my father.
He's a lawyer.
He writes back.
He says, my son is eight years old.
He has no capacity to do this.
You know, drop dead sincerely.
So my father tells me, don't you ever, ever Write to anybody unless you check it with me.
Don't write to people.
I don't know why anyone asked me.
Why?
Never hit me.
Why did you do this?
What's the matter with you?
I don't know.
No, there must be a reason.
There must be something wrong with you.
Tell me so we can take you to the doctor and figure out what's wrong.
I don't know.
What, are you crazy?
I don't think you're crazy.
Did you fall on your head?
Just hit me.
Get this inquisition over with.
They never hit me.
They just would say, why?
Why did you do that?
Don't write anything.
I'm not.
Okay.
So I write this letter to J. Edgar Hoover.
In the meantime, Dear Mr. Hoover, I'm a big fan of yours.
I don't know who you are.
My name is such and such.
I'm 8th grade, 8 years old.
Whatever age I was.
Thank you so very much.
Here we go.
Saturday.
I can hear that.
This metal door of the mail.
The mailman came on Saturday.
My father would dutifully go.
I happen to be there.
He's going through the mail.
Western Auto catalogs.
All the stupid stuff.
And then he gets this letter.
I can still see it.
Department of Justice.
Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Office of the Director.
To me in this IBM Selectric Pike.
And he's looking at me and he says, are you writing letters?
I said, well, I wrote letters.
I told you don't write any more letters.
No, this is...
He opens it up.
He says, it's for you.
Dear Mr. Brenner, thank you so very much for your letter.
I've enclosed some books of mine.
But it was like a...
Oh, no, they're forthcoming, but it was a letter.
Thank you very much.
Sincerely.
J. Edgar Hoover.
I said, I told my mother, I said, that guy, you told me, look, he wrote me.
So I wrote him back.
I didn't know the protocol.
Dear Mr. Hoover, thank you for thanking me, and I thank you for thanking me, and I thank you.
Do you have any stuff you can say?
Absolutely.
He sent me books and catalogs.
Sent me an application to the FBI.
He says, think it over.
Thank you.
Autographed picture, back and forth.
Christmas time.
Dear Mr. Hoover, Merry Christmas.
His secretary said, Mr. Hoover is out of the country, but wanted me to thank you.
We were going to Washington.
He's not going to be here, but if you go by the FBI, we've got this stuff.
I mean, say what you want about J. Edgar Hoover.
Say what you want.
So we were prolific letter writers.
My mother would write letters to everybody.
Duncan Hines cake, she didn't like them.
She got a case of Duncan Hines cake.
Something happened at KFC.
She wrote this letter Saturday afternoon.
This district guy and his manager show up with buckets of chicken.
I mean, wrote people, very literate, loved vocabulary, loved...
One time when I was a kid, I was...
I was doing something to my sister and my mother says, your sister's mortified!
I said, what?
Look it up!
I looked it up.
I'll never forget mortified.
My sister's still mortified.
And that was the thing, and there's so many other stories, but little things, weird sense of humor, seeing things skewed, listening to jazz, listening to great, to the groove.
Listening to just always talking to people.
Always.
You realize this.
And it's in your core.
It's what your parents make you.
You realize it.
I mean, it really is.
And I was so lucky because I never knew.
I thought we were the richest people.
Had no idea what money was.
We weren't.
But we were just happy.
Maybe it was just a great time.
You know, just...
And I'm not going to go on forever.
So, when you have just memories of something...
By the way, Sparky, I'm sorry.
Glad Super Chats are back online.
Thank you, Sparky.
I am glad as well.
But just on days like this, just remember...
And the sad part...
Or people who look back and they say, I don't like my mother.
My mother wasn't there.
My mother wasn't good.
My parents weren't there.
I think that's the worst thing in the world.
I can't imagine that.
Because it was always, to me, understood.
And you realize how tough it was for your parent to be a parent.
Especially, do you have relatives, sisters, siblings, brothers, and you're completely different?
Are you a freak in your family?
Are you a freak?
I was a freak.
I just came out of nowhere.
And I did stuff on my own, but they never said, you're, you know, you're weird, or never, never, never.
I was always, oh, fat, you're not fat, you're just big, big.
Okay.
I stuttered.
Had glasses, braces.
I mean, you know, one more time.
But they always said, no, no, no, no.
Always made sure that your self-confidence was there.
What a parent can do to screw you up is incomprehensible.
The littlest thing that they can say to you when you're growing up, you think to yourself, this may not seem like much.
If you have kids, You better like everything they do.
You better know, strike that.
You better love everything they do.
And you tell them they're great and they can do anything and you love them.
And don't ever, ever, ever, I can't believe the number of people who tell me, I don't remember my father in particular ever telling me he loved me.
What?
I can't imagine that.
I can't imagine it.
That's what a parent does.
That's it.
Little things to tell people you can do whatever you want to do.
Within reason.
Self-esteem.
Your framework.
How you view yourself.
Who's the first person who tells you if you're worthless or not?
Your parents.
And your mother.
And you grew in your mother.
You grew in your mother.
And something weird happened.
Something cosmic.
Forget this AI business.
There's nothing like this.
You are one.
You are cosmically one.
I mean, you don't tote something around for nine months and then you're sharing blood and I am not one for being spiritual.
But the amount of spiritual connectivity, the connection between a baby and his mother, oh dear God!
And that's why I get very upset when people start dismissing it and they pretend.
They pretend.
Men have periods.
Come on, stop this.
Stop this.
Now you're messing with nature.
And there's nothing wrong with it, but I'm sorry, please.
We're all equal in all this kind of jazz.
But what a mother does?
No.
No.
And when I see what mothers can do to children, their own, I have no concept.
This is when This is when nature and the real sense of justice comes over.
The most incredible thing is what happens to a mother.
I have seen this.
I have seen self-centered, childish, immature brats, girls who are just absolutely beyond self-centered.
Their whole world is this...
Not ideocentric, but this complete and focused, narcissistic, self-referential everything.
And they have everything.
Ew, that's gross!
They have a baby, and pow!
Something happens.
Then they're weighing diapers, and they're smelling things, and they're breastfeeding, and they're taking...
And let me also tell you one thing about this.
And this is something you have to understand.
And I tell people that sometimes they think I'm being sexist and I'm not.
The reason why women, for the most part, for the most part, not always, tend to be more communicative, more talkative, more experiential in terms of vocalizations and speaking is because of the fact that in order to be a mother, you have to look at this thing And pick up little cues.
Idiosyncratic quirks.
Changes in behavior.
Changes in attitude.
Baby doesn't look at you the right way.
Something's wrong.
Maybe the baby's deaf.
Maybe the baby's eyes.
Something's wrong.
That mother knows this.
That mother looks at that baby and says, uh-uh.
We're going to the doctor.
Father doesn't know what the hell's going on.
I mean, it's not his fault.
But not like a mother.
It's part referentic, but also ingrained.
It's natural selection.
And in order to understand this, you've got to be so connected to feelings and emotions and gradations of emotion.
You have to be so incredibly connected to this.
Or else you're not going to be a very good mother.
And that...
Propensity, that proclivity, that predisposition carries over into real world.
And that's why when mothers are talking, women are talking to each other, it's a completely different thing than when men are.
Men are very distant, and everything's great, and men get back with each other.
How you doing, Joe?
Great!
How's everything terrific?
Women are like this.
And do you know what happened?
Well, how did that make you feel?
And we kind of laugh at it, but it is that.
And I'm sorry, you may think this is sexist.
I don't think so.
I think it's a trait.
I think it's an attribute.
There is a predisposition to understand this.
Sparky says, we were six wild children from Borneo.
Quite a project for our long-suffering parents.
As we say in the South, we weren't right.
My parents persevered.
Yes.
And you always, don't you wish, Sparky, you could talk, and Gretzky, don't you wish you could talk to your parents now, when you're kind of their age?
There was always that differential.
Don't you wish you could see, like, what were your parents like now?
I want to talk to my, I'll be 65 in August, but I mean, I want to see, like, the 65-year-old father or mother.
That's what I want to see.
There's always that thing.
And then later on you, you know, and then you watch them and you start, and then you start to see really interesting things.
You start seeing the genetics kick in.
Have you seen that one?
Have you said stuff that they've said?
Have you started to look like them?
And you realize, whoa, this is wild.
Sometimes you look and say, oh my god.
I remember one time seeing somebody I haven't seen in a while and they looked at me and started crying.
I said, what?
You look at your father!
I said, really?
Okay.
So, you see, and parents are warts and all.
Listen, they're not perfect.
They're not perfect.
But it's that first chance where you are there and then you get a sibling and then you realize, who's this?
That's your sister.
What planet, or brother, what planet did he come from?
I don't know who this person is.
This came from you?
Yeah, we're connected?
I don't know who this is.
Most people feel like that.
Maybe you get into the whole identical twin thing.
Oh, I think it's fascinating.
I think it's fascinating.
And there's something about how nature has always made the female For the most part, to be the more vicious of the two.
And the more sedate looking, the peacock versus the hen, and how the lioness, that's the one to watch out for.
That's the one.
Try getting near that.
Try it.
You know, when you think about something, an animal does not know fear.
An animal knows trepidation.
Fear.
Is the ability to comprehend, well, this is going to come up.
They don't think like that.
It's more immediate.
I mean, they'll back off.
But not because they're going back to their den or something and they're thinking, oh my God, what I just went through.
No, no, no, no.
And there's something where women have that and that's why...
And I tell people this, and they think that I'm being sexist.
You don't understand.
Men's aggression is...
I used to always say, women are crazy, men are stupid.
And it's been said a million times.
But men are kind of a...
You know, kind of a boorish, lumbering...
Just look at this.
Like, women look at men and say, what are you doing?
Sometimes I look at...
On a YouTube loop, like a Joe Rogan, I'm thinking, you just want to be tough.
It means so much to you to be tough.
And women, prototypical women, want to be, I guess, more feminine.
But look how you're distancing yourself.
You're doing this, and men don't like me to say this, to appeal to other men.
What does that mean?
You're doing all this MMA stuff.
And I remember years ago, when we were in high school, we were all working out.
I said, well, you know why we're working out?
For men!
What?
Women are different.
It's a different kind of a thing.
It's a different kind of a thing.
And here's the best part.
Here's the best part.
And listen to me when I tell you this.
And you're going to think, or maybe you won't.
To me, there are two forms of life that are superior.
One, children.
Because they're innocent.
They haven't learned hate.
And when they're in that beautiful, loving stage and they just want to play and they don't know anything, they're the best.
They're beautiful.
And then life destroys them.
But the ultimate is the older woman.
I mean grandma type.
This is the best of the best.
There is nothing more.
When you get a woman who's 70s, 80s, grandma, doesn't care about...
I mean, you know, looks to an extent.
Where's that grandma outfit?
They're the best.
They are the funniest.
The more brutal, the more dangerous.
The old man is nothing.
He is withered.
He is, you know, paw kettle.
That's the one.
And there are these shows on YouTube called Cooking with Nonna.
You know, Italian women.
I'm 103, learning, making tagliatone and spaghettone.
That is perfection to me.
My heart melts.
Melts.
An older woman?
A grandmother?
Like women getting all dolled up for other women.
Well, yes and no.
Yes and no.
Sparky, I will tell you one thing.
I will say to an extent that is true.
By the way, thank you.
But it's for themselves.
It's their own sense of whatever it is.
And the reason why Is women, from the time that they're born, are always told, are always put into constant reminder of their age.
Mark Reed says, same age, old fan, first time donating to a podcast.
Did it work?
Thank you.
Mark, it worked beautifully.
Thank you.
This is the thing that gets me.
It drives me nuts.
I think women have so much, from the time, well, it's always just hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, and then don't get old, don't get old, don't get old, don't get old, don't get old!
And being in this world of, you know, entertainment that I was in, whatever you want to call it, they were told constantly.
George Lenn says, thanks for sharing a little bit of your family this morning.
Today is a perfect backdrop for...
It is, George.
Thank you, George.
I don't normally do that because it's personal, but this is funny.
But I'm serious about this.
I would be the worst parent today.
First of all, these kids, the kid would be just terrified.
I would have an armed guard.
I'm telling you.
I would be, for a little girl, I'd be saying, that's great.
I love that doll stuff.
But you know you don't have to do this right.
I'm just telling you.
You want to be a doctor?
You want to be a doctor?
You can do this.
Nothing wrong with that.
Be a girl.
But don't think you can't be a surgeon.
Don't think you can't.
I know you want to be a teacher or a mommy.
I don't know if they want to do that anymore.
Don't think you can't do that.
I don't want to hear that.
Don't tell me you're not good at math.
Don't tell me you can't do that.
Remember when they would say, oh, you throw like a girl.
You know why?
Girls don't know how to throw.
They never learn.
Where did this come from?
People used to always think girls couldn't throw something.
No!
Go look at YouTube.
Watch baseball, women softball players.
What are you kidding me?
We actually one time got into a debate whether girls, women, could be great lead guitarists.
People would say, well, I mean, Bonnie Raitt?
That's ridiculous.
Girls are always told, you're not good and all that math isn't for you.
What do you mean?
That's why Madame Curie Was the greatest woman maybe of all time.
Do you know what she had to fight against?
Some of the greatest women?
Oh, this idea that, well, that's more of a men's...
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
Yeah, there are differences.
Believe it or not, there are.
That is true.
There are.
You probably...
I'm not shocking you.
But to tell a little girl that you can't do something?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
Uh-uh.
No.
And they do this.
They do it almost, or they did it.
I don't know about now, but there was always this, well, she's, you know, he's, your brother is more, he can be the doctor, you can be a nurse.
I don't want to be a nurse.
Well, I know, but, no, I don't, no, no, no.
No, uh-uh.
Absolutely not.
But here's the thing, too.
Now, before we get off on this, and I've...
I've been doing this for 41 minutes and I swore to God I was just going to be a second of this.
But this is what's important.
And we've got to pledge.
Whatever a person wants to be in their life, we've got to be behind it.
Don't push it for them.
If they're showing any kind of inclination towards any kind of indecision as to gender, fine, fine.
But don't push it.
Don't suggest it.
If somebody also says, if there are people who really want to be a mother, the most noble profession in the world, so be it.
Don't denigrate it.
Don't reduce it.
I remember one time somebody was picking a jury and this idiot, I think it was a PD, public defender, said, do you work or are you a housewife?
This is how many years ago.
That's the most stupid thing in the world.
That's the most stupid thing.
Anybody has ever said, ever in the history of mankind, there's no more noble a profession than that.
Nothing.
Nothing.
There was an event we went to the other night Mrs. L. was speaking at.
Beautiful.
And it was for an organization that provides safe housing for women who were the victim of trafficking.
And they are...
You can't imagine the horror of what they're going through.
And they have women who are, women of course, victimized, but women who are the house, not mothers, but the matrons who keep an eye on this.
And only a woman could do this.
There's something that's inherent.
There's something.
And this is where, ladies and gentlemen, nature is a beautiful thing.
There is something that they have.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's not merely a matter of, I think I'm going to do this.
No!
There is something.
And I don't want to get into what's superior and all that stuff.
I don't want to play that game.
But I do want you to understand one thing.
Nature did have the ability to say, okay, one of you is going to be a woman, and one of you is not, for the most part.
And the one who is not is going to have this Y chromosome, which is genetically inert.
It will stop.
It will cause the cessation and interruption of the production of a woman.
And you will have bodily features that are homologous, that are homologues.
Not analogues, but homologues.
You will have nipples.
Not a real A, but nipples.
Why?
Well, they're vestiges of what would have been a woman.
These are a waste of time.
You are a mutant woman.
Everything around the scrotal line, the bulbo-urethral-rafe.
This is the joining point.
I'm not going to go into the anatomy, but you know what I'm talking about.
Of pudendal.
Look at it, for God's sakes.
Do I have to point out?
Prostate, uterus, fallopian tubes, do you see this?
We are mutants.
We are mutant women.
And we have testosterone.
It's a wonderful sex hormone that causes aggression.
And hair loss and certain forms of cancer and just...
Estrogen sometimes can be no prize either.
And just...
If you look, it's like, wow, look at this.
This is pretty doggone good.
So understand something.
When you see, and this is what, when you see a woman who's walking around with child, heavy with child, Cinderella, couldn't you see, remember that?
Firefall?
When you see a woman heavy with a child, this is as basic and as beautiful as anything.
And you know what?
Sometimes women, they walk around and they say, here I am with my belly.
And sometimes people will say, you know what?
Is that really necessary?
I'm thinking, what are you...
Talking about, for the first time, somebody's lauding pregnancy?
Yes!
You show them.
Show them.
How about the linea alba?
The dark, the white line, which makes no sense.
But anyway, yes!
Yes!
Show this distended abdomen, the umbilicus.
Yes!
This is...
Yes!
This is a country where we dispose of life like it's nothing.
Finally, somebody is saying, yes!
Do this!
And also, talk about adoption and talk about this thing called life.
I don't want to get into Roe and Dobbs.
I don't want to talk about that.
I want to talk about this life thing.
This thing about this is incredible.
This is still, it's this incredible thing.
Everybody says, where do you think?
Do you think when you die?
Where did you come from before?
Where did you come from before?
Where?
Where were you?
What do you mean, where was I?
Like the Big Bang.
There's a joke there somewhere, and I know you can probably figure that out.
Your singularity.
You weren't here.
Here's a picture of you with your parents.
You weren't there yet.
Here's a picture of your mother pregnant.
That was you.
AI's pretty good.
That's better.
That still is just incredible.
It blew.
I mean, stop for a second.
We, you know, so in any event, so mothers, this is to you.
Thank you.
Because without you, nothing.
Niente.
Which is the Sicilian version of Niente.
So my friends, where do you fit this into your politics?
Where do we go with this?
Where do we go with the politics?
Where do we...
Now that we've said this...
Where were you?
I had this wonderful stuff all written.
I don't know where, how I got off onto this.
I've got here, mother, parents, philosophy, party, country, gender, parents, spouse, listen to no one, and tattoos.
I had this tattoo story.
I'll tell you later on.
Tattooists, I still don't, I don't get them.
I saw these people yesterday were walking.
And this fellow, young man, he had...
Anchors and lightning bolts.
And I said, whenever they go past the neck, now it's in the face.
But lightning bolts, okay, alright.
But his entire sleeve was blue.
This blue, like, not even a design.
He just went to an ink store and said, just fill my, cover my skin with this color that doesn't exist.
Kind of like a putrescent, greenish, bluish.
And I'm wondering, that is the declamation of Humanity.
That is somebody who said, I have no soul.
I have no recognition.
I'm going to replace individual self-growth with this over-the-top, over-the-top, beyond excessive, whatever.
I'm telling you, and it's not just that, oh, we've always had tattoos.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is not just a tattoo.
This is not a cute little flower.
This is something which we'll talk about another time.
But I want to discuss that with you.
I'm also getting tired of hearing people talk about Ron DeSantis.
Now, I don't know about you, but Ron DeSantis, I'm sorry to say, is not doing anything for me.
And as I said to you yesterday, If, if, if, somehow, if Ron DeSantis can somehow pull this thing off, fine.
If Ron DeSantis can do whatever, fine.
But he has got one big deal.
And Bobby Kennedy Jr. is still the most fascinating thing to happen to this.
And nobody's getting it.
We're not hearing it.
You don't hear about it on CNN.
CNN doesn't know what it wants to do.
Now, Zaslav, the head of CNN Discover, he's smart.
Because people are talking about CNN.
And when Anderson Cooper said, we apologize.
And if you never watch us again, well, so be it.
Oh, that was beautiful.
So we'll talk about that.
These are incredible times right now, my friends.
This is 2024 is for all the marbles.
This is bigger than anything you can imagine.
So we'll talk about that.
But for today...
For this particular iteration of it, this part of humanity, it's nice to step back and realize that mothers and fathers and things will always be...
It will exist irrespective of politics.
I told you, the amount of money the people sometimes who go through, how something so simple...
For some people, it can be virtually impossible.
People who've spent everything, everything.
I told you there's this office building we would go to a lot.
It's like four floors.
The elevator would stop and it's a reproductive clinic for reproduction.
There's so many people.
There's so much money.
And these people are desperate.
Desperate to do everything, to have their own child with their own gametes and everything.
And yet, you think how incredibly, how fascinating that is.
How rare, how novel to have a baby.
To have a baby like that.
Think about that.
And then you say, let's go to Mumbai.
Oh my God, go to Mexico City.
Millions and millions of people.
There's eight and a half million people in New York.
How is it so?
And why is it sometimes that it seems, in some cases, the level of fitness is inversely proportional to that of fertility?
Isn't that interesting?
Another thing, while we're on this subject of mothers, let me just say this to you.
And this is important.
I always wondered if you could say, If you could meet God, and God, as my friend the priest said, would say to you, why are you having babies so late?
I never intended this.
I think a woman should have a baby right when she has menarche, when she's first able to become fertile.
That's when nature says, You are physically able to have a baby.
There was a woman, I think I've told you this a million times, she was in New Jersey, it was her prom, and she went to the, nobody saw anything, she went to the ladies room, gave birth, wrapped a child in something, went back out, and danced the night away.
How many times in the old days have you heard of people in fields giving birth and continuing to work?
And I think God would say, that is what I want.
There's a reason for that.
The pristine contiguity of the uterus and being able to handle it.
But you're waiting.
No wonder you've got so many...
I don't want 40 years old.
What are you doing?
That's not what I wanted.
No, no, excuse me, God, you don't understand.
Maturity level is one thing.
Excuse me, where does maturity fit into biology?
That may be a nice little human trait, but that's not what I had intended.
What are you doing?
I also would say, and by the way, God, can I ask you something?
Why is Alzheimer's going through the roof?
I didn't want you to live this long.
Why are you living this long?
Did you ever think about that?
Did you ever think about that?
You should only, in the world, I'll tell you a book I read, How We Die by Sherwin Newland.
This is Victoria Newland's father.
Victoria Newland's father.
He said there is a usually, usually, there is a correlation between the amount of gestation and the The amount of time that it takes for a child to be independent and the length of the parent's life.
So, the sooner it is for you to push your child out of the nest, so to speak, the sooner it is you're recycled.
The longer the gestation, elephants, the longer the parents live.
You are only dependent upon flies don't live a long time.
We don't, nature does not want you to hang around a long time.
Can you imagine if Benjamin Franklin were still alive today?
We'd have button shoes, we'd be talking funny, we'd be doing the minuet.
There needs to be recycling.
And when that is, is a different story.
So, nature comes along and says, well, God, isn't it your desire for us to live forever?
No.
Whatever gave you that idea.
Nothing lives forever.
If I wanted you to live forever, I'd have made you live forever.
Flowers don't live forever?
Seasonal?
What are you doing?
Well, we're applying our own genius.
Well, you're genius.
Just like you're genius for bombs.
I don't know where that came from.
I'm dead serious about this.
We have this crazy idea that we can just change things.
There are certain...
Nature also is a brutal, brutal...
Survival of the fittest kind of a world.
It is really tough.
So in any event.
So today, celebrate some time.
Recognize some things.
And also, and this is something that we're not ever talking about today.
In fact, it's becoming very, very politically incorrect.
Talk about, amongst yourselves, this notion of things called Nature.
What is nature?
We love to talk about climate nature.
We love to talk about seasonal nature and the nature of the oceans and the nature of weather and the nature of temperature and seasons.
We like to talk about hurricanes and tsunamis and we love to talk about tectonic plates and nature.
We love to talk about things that are endangered, animals that are endangered, and nature, how nature is affected, and nature.
This is what we love to do.
And that love of nature stops because people don't think about nature when it comes to us.
We say, no, no, we're beyond that.
Really?
Yes, we are beyond that.
Nature applies to animals.
Our level of sophistication is such that we don't.
No, it doesn't work like that.
So, in any event.
Think about that.
Talk amongst yourself.
What is nature?
What is your natural?
What do you do?
For reasons, for atavistic reasons, you have no idea about.
You've heard about this in the old days?
How this, most of the time, around the world, this is considered yes.
Most of the time, this is considered yes.
And this is considered no.
And the reason why this is yes is that it mimics, they believe, the notion of the suckling of the teat.
Happiness.
Satisfaction.
This is spitting something out.
No.
Sparky says, sometimes having children is needed to prompt maturity.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Sometimes it's a very...
Oh, and by the way, Sparky, here's the best part.
The people who should be having children, oddly enough, and I think God would disagree, are older people.
Because you...
You would be much, much, much better and calmer and nicer and happier and more...
I think you'd be a better parent if you were older.
You wouldn't get upset as much.
You've seen things.
You're calmer.
I mean that.
But then again, that's unnatural because people will say...
Like, for example, Larry King...
Had children, sons, much, much later in life.
But I think they had a very...
They won't have their father, obviously, later on because he had them later.
But I think you get a much more fair and balanced adult.
That's what I think.
In any event, thank you.
So, mothers, happy Mother's Day to you.
Fathers, thank you.
My mother's joke was...
My mother's joke.
She says, when's Mother's Day?
Nine months after Father's Day.
She was rather bawdy in a unique way.
You have no idea the jokes that we would hear.
So anyway, thank you.
So Sparky, my dear friend, thank you for your kindness, your generosity, your beneficence.
George Lenz, thank you, dear friend.
Mark Reed, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And...
Gretzky, again, G-R-T-S-K-I, thank you immensely.
And mothers, thank you as well for doing what you do.
And there's one thing good about this.
I think there's no chance of the civilization or the species as we know it ever, ever changing, but we shall see.
In any event, we'll see you tonight, 7 a.m.
7 p.m.
As usual for our daily review.
Have a good day.
Talk to you later.
Don't forget this valedictory.
These final words.
The monkey's dead.
The show's over.
Sue you.
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