Ep. 74 skewers Valentine’s Day tropes—jewelry as sex bait, gendered insults ("cisgendered male or female"), and hookers for singles—before pivoting to 2016 politics, mocking Trump’s "Plain Trump" ad while attacking Al Sharpton Jr. over the Tawana Brawley case and Ferguson lawsuits. Contrasting C.S. Lewis’s faith-driven marriage to Joy Davidman with modern dating’s hedonism, it dismisses Freud’s sexual reductionism and Rod Stewart’s ballad as the only "real" romance left, ending with a scathing takedown of commercialized love as manipulative. [Automatically generated summary]
It's Valentine's Day this weekend, and it just so happens that I am the Picasso of the art of love.
That is, I'm someone who puts everything in the wrong place and has a weirdly disfigured two-dimensional head with both eyes on the same side of my nose.
As such, I'd like to offer you a few tips on how to have a wonderful Valentine's Day, or at least how to avoid committing suicide.
Now, you may have heard on television commercials from K-jewelers that every kiss begins with K.
That is, your lover is more likely to be romantic with you if you give her a gift of jewelry first.
On Valentine's Day, be direct.
Ask her if this is true.
If it is, consider that you might be dating a sex worker.
If you are dating a sex worker, see if she'll do that thing with the leather strap and the shaving cream and the rubber chicken.
It's amazing.
Cards are very important on Valentine's Day.
If you are a girl, try to give your guy a card with a little teddy bear or hello kitty on it and little heart shapes floating around at the top with love messages inside.
If he seems delighted with this card, he's having an affair.
Dump it.
Of course, not everyone is a cisgendered male or female.
There are all kinds of pansies and sickos out there.
So here are a few tips if you're otherly gendered or simply bizarre.
If you are a woman who identifies as a man, try to give yourself flowers and take yourself out to dinner.
You might just get lucky and end up sleeping with yourself.
If you are a man who identifies as a woman, stay away from sex toys.
You're not really a woman and might do permanent damage.
Finally, Valentine's Day is a very difficult day for people who are alone.
If you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, try to do something to cheer yourself up.
If you're a woman, you could send yourself a gigantic teddy bear and then smother yourself in grateful kisses.
Or you could send yourself some sexy pajamas in the mail, then put them on and sit weeping into your fourth glass of wine.
If you're a man alone, try reading pornography for hours until your eyes glaze over and you subside into a nauseated daze of self-disgust.
Or if you want to splurge, maybe hire a couple of hookers, bring them back to your room, and pay them a few hundred bucks to repeat over and over, hey, you're a great guy, and your life's not a total waste.
Really, it's not.
That ought to give you a happy Valentine's Day.
Trigger warning, I'm Andrew Clavin, and this is the Andrew Clavin Show.
I'm just oppressed.
I thought that was going to be funny, but no, it was very funny.
Well, it's the last day of the week.
You know, it's like you're walking along in the bright sunshine, and suddenly you just plummet into a clavenless abyss, you know, and suddenly, I mean, everything is bright and clear, and you understand everything.
You can see everything well, and then suddenly you're in this clavenless darkness where just murky shapes are drifting past.
But don't worry.
It is Valentine's Day.
Whatever Works?00:03:08
You will have Valentine's Day, and by the time you wake up in Mexico with someone whose name you can't remember, I'll be back.
So we're going to talk about, we're actually going to talk about Valentine's Day.
We're going to talk about love, give you some tips.
By the time you're finished here, you will be able to walk up to any complete stranger and end up duct taped to a four-poster bed in a cheap hotel.
But before that, we have to take a look.
Let's take a look at the aftermath.
Let's call it the aftermath of the Granite States vote to put, I think it was Bernie Sanders and Bernie Sanders then ran over and dressed up as Donald Trump.
I think it was the same guy just running back and forth.
So a couple of people dropped out.
Chris Christie is gone.
He found, somebody called it a murder-suicide.
He found that he had destroyed Marco Rubio's career, but he hadn't done a thing for himself.
Carly Fiorina left.
And Jeb Exclamation Point gave a wonderful speech in which he said, he said rousingly, my campaign is not dead.
I mean, that's got to get the base really excited, right?
Oh boy.
For a minute, that glassy stare, the fact that he was here, the waxy skin, I thought he was gone, you know, but he's not.
He's still with us.
So, first, let's take a look at what's going on on the Republican side.
If you remember, yesterday I said, look, now Donald Trump is the real deal.
He has a real shot at this.
And so, these candidates can't just let him give him a pass.
They've got to start turning on him and attacking him, whether attacking his policies or attacking his personality, whatever, or his past, whatever they're going to do, they're going to have to do it.
They can't just tear each other apart while Trump marches to the nomination.
As I'm saying that, this show, it's literally like watching the future take place.
As I'm speaking, my friends over at Madison McQueen send me Ted Cruz's new commercial called Plain Trump.
And it's just, do we have this?
I did.
I did bring in.
Yeah, it's these kids.
If you can't see it, it's these kids bring in a kind of Ken doll that looks like Donald Trump and they play with it as an action figure.
Here's the commercial.
The Trump action figure.
No way, it's he.
What does he do?
He pretends to be a Republican.
I bail out for the banks.
Too big to fail.
I gave money to Pelosi, Reed, and the Niwiener.
Hey, Hillary, I'll give you money to be my friend.
Check out my house, Mr. Trump.
That's a lousy house.
I'm going to take your house with Eminent Domain and park my limos there.
Eminent Domain!
You're just hammering that.
You can't tolerate these values in our children.
Why would we want them in a president?
And I like that line.
I actually like the line, you wouldn't tolerate these values in your children, because the way Trump talks, I'd like to think there's still some parents who would turn to their kids if they talk like, stop that.
You know, you don't want to be like the president of the United States, do you?
This is like you used to tell your kids one day you could grow up to be president, now it's a threat.
Al Sharpton's Influence on Crime Discussions00:14:33
You know, it just means that means things have gone terribly wrong.
So that's on the Republican side, and they're just kind of reordering everything.
On the Democrat side, it's all about the black folk.
It's all about the black people.
Because now they go into the South and there are all these black voters, and you can't win on the Democrat side without the black voters.
And they're basically guaranteed Democrats because they never change.
They never wake up to the fact that these guys are destroying their lives and their neighborhoods and their cities.
They never look, they just never, I don't know how this light bulb never goes on over the heads of the black community.
So Bernie Sanders, Mr. Integrity, Mr. Like, you know, I only take small donations.
I'm a man of peace.
He goes down and who does he have tea with?
He has tea with Al Sharpton Jr.
You know, because he is a black leader.
So just so we remember, let us turn to our, we have a resident professor who explains all these things to us.
Let us turn to our professor and remind ourselves of who Al Sharpton Jr. is.
It's about time we asked ourselves, who is Al Sharpton and why?
Al Sharpton has dedicated his life to the improvement of the black man, Al Sharpton.
He first flushed himself to fame in 1987 when a 15-year-old black girl named Tawana Brawley concocted a lie about being raped by a group of white men.
Reverend Al Sharpton, called Reverend Al Sharpton because he's revered by Al Sharpton, became one of Tawana's so-called advisors.
He falsely accused a young police officer of participating in the alleged rape.
And after the already troubled officer committed suicide, Sharpton accused another man of murdering him to cover up the crime.
Sharpton and his cronies organized daily protests using viciously inflammatory language, even though one of Sharpton's top aides says Sharpton suspected all along Tawana's story was false.
Finally, a grand jury investigation exposed the girl's hoax, leaving Sharpton looking almost exactly like a race-baiting charlatan, unless you happened to be a leftist or a journalist or some other sort of gullible buffoon.
In that case, Al Sharpton was now a black leader.
And sure enough, wherever a tragedy could be misconstrued as a case of racism, black leader Al was there, leading blacks to false conclusions and violence.
Thank you, Professor.
It really is amazing.
This guy's black.
You know, after this, he went on to 1991, went on to Crown Heights, helped start some of the worst, if not the worst, anti-Semitic riots in the history of the United States of America.
That was Al.
And in 1995, he went on to this vicious, he supported this vicious boycott of a Jewish store owner in Harlem.
And it ended with some guy, because not directly because, but Al Sharpton was using all this ugly, inciting language.
And finally, some guy went in and shot the place up, wounded a couple of workers, and then set the place on fire and killed seven people, most of whom were Hispanic.
So it was all, you know, he's been doing this all the time, and then somehow he's now a black leader.
You know, this is one of the things, a couple of days ago, it was Trayvon Martin's, would have been Trayvon Martin's 21st birthday.
And our man Ben Shapiro sent out this snarky tweet about Trayvon Martin.
He would be 21 today if he hadn't hammered a guy's head against the pavement and gotten himself shot.
Ben was literally getting death threats.
And did I bring in that picture of Trayvon Martin that they put online?
Yeah, there he is.
St. Trayvon, St. Trayvon of the Skittles.
You know, he was getting Skittles and that kind of soda.
Apparently, that's a way of helping to make a drug that he was going to use.
So these are the guys they honor.
Guys like Al Sharpton Jr.
God forbid that Clarence Thomas should be a black leader.
God forbid that Thomas Sowell should be considered one of the smartest men in the country should be a black leader.
It's guys like this.
They hold these up as saints, and then they hold the cops who protect their neighborhoods up as demons.
What do you think that's going to turn your kids into?
What would that turn your kids into?
Try to be like this kid who attacked a cop or try to be like this kid who attacked a guy, a security guard, and hate the cops who are out there risking their lives to get your neighborhood safe.
It's really a cruel thing to do to children because they're just going to go down this terrible drain.
So Al Sharpton, Bernie Sanders, Mr. Integrity, Mr. Can't Be Touched.
He's out there paying favors.
Eventually, you've got to go kiss the ring of Al Sharpton if you're a Democrat.
And meanwhile, Hillary Clinton, right, whose entire career now rests on African Americans, she's out there.
Here's the Daily Beast describing Hillary Clinton.
She says, after a crushing defeat in New Hampshire, Hillary Clinton is taking refuge in the black church.
Sounds like a scene from Hunchback of Notre Dame, doesn't it?
Please, sanctuary, give me sanctuary in the blank church.
A day after getting shellacked in New Hampshire, Hillary Clinton is laying every chip on the table by morning while her opponent was in New York having breakfast with Reverend Al Sharpton and making an appearance on The View, the Clinton campaign began unleashing one endorsement after another from African American leaders.
And a lot of this is in response to an article in The Nation, right, one of the premier left-wing articles saying, just excoriating Bill Clinton's record on blacks.
And what's funny about this is that they're attacking him for all the wrong reasons.
I mean, first of all, the one thing they said that I completely agree with is, remember when Clinton was running, he had to show he was tough on crime.
So just before the critical, this is from the nation, just before the critical New Hampshire primary, Clinton proved his toughness by flying back to Arkansas to oversee the execution of Ricky Ray Rector, a mentally impaired black man.
And this really was a desperate move on Clinton's part and a horrible thing.
The kid was, the guy was so, I mean, he was a criminal.
He was everything just the kind of person who should be executed, but he was mentally retarded.
And he was the guy who said he was going to save the pecan pie from his last meal after the execution.
You know, he really had no idea what was going on.
It was a terrible thing to do.
But then they go on and attack him for amping up.
Clinton really amped up the war on crime and the war on drugs.
And he helped pass this huge anti-crime bill, which had all these three strike laws.
And of course, most people who go to prison for drug use are black.
I mean, something like 80 to 90% of the people who are going, there was a big crack epidemic going on.
And it's this wonderfully weird idea that the left has that because there are a lot of blacks in prison, there's something inherently unfair going on.
Like you should go out and arrest white people just to make it fair.
You know, it's like the crime rate in the black community is just hugely out of proportion to the number of black people in the country.
There's something like 13% of the population.
They used to commit, between, let's see, what is this, between 1980 and 2008, they committed 52% of homicides, half of homicides, compared to 45% of homicides committed by white people.
Of course, most of those homicides, they're killing other black people.
So if you're not putting them in prison, you're leaving black people to die.
That is the basic choice.
And the left says it's, oh, well, it's poverty that causes crime.
And then they say, and of course, Wall Street is full of criminals.
Well, if it's poverty that causes crime, what are those guys doing?
Poverty does not cause crime.
Poverty limits the kind of crime you can commit.
If you can commit crime with a pen, you're going to commit crime with a pen.
Nobody wants to go out with a gun and possibly get himself shot if he can just sign a check and cheat somebody out of a million bucks.
So poverty limits the kinds of crimes you can commit.
And it probably does lead to drug use and drug use.
We've completely bobbled the ball on that.
The war on drugs is a disaster.
There's no question about that.
But the problem in the black community is dysfunction caused by a left-wing point of view.
It's caused by people going in there and saying your heroes should be Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown instead of, and Al Sharpton Jr. as your leader, instead of finding people who are good people, upright people.
Like, why do those guys represent the black community?
They don't represent it to me.
They don't represent it to me.
I mean, there are some athletes in this country who are outstanding citizens, amazing talents.
Why don't they represent the black community?
Why doesn't Clarence Thomas, a Supreme Court justice, who is now that the left has tried to attack him because he never asks questions, so he must be stupid, he's actually been revealed to be one of the most effective and important jurists we have with a real theory of the law that's affected the entire Supreme Court.
Why isn't he a role model?
So what's happening in the black community is they're being told that they can't succeed until the white people step down, until the white people get out of their way, and that their heroes should be thugs and monsters instead of the people who actually achieve things and work hard.
It's really the left that has made them what they are.
Continuing in this tradition, Attorney General Loretta Lynch has announced that she's now suing Ferguson, Missouri.
Now, you remember, this is where Michael Brown was killed by a police officer, Darren Wilson, because he was innocently sitting around trying to kill the cop.
So, you know, it was like somehow Darren Wilson took exception to that and put a bullet in the guy.
And this became this mythology of, oh, he had his hands up and he was saying, don't shoot, don't shoot, which turned out to be a complete lie.
So now they're suing.
So listen to Loretta Lynch announced that they're suing Ferguson.
The government's findings were based upon information received from Ferguson's own citizens, from Ferguson's own records and Ferguson's own officials.
And they demonstrated a clear pattern and practice of violations of the Constitution and of federal law.
So now here's Heather McDonald, one of the best reporters in the country, especially on this subject, making a certain point about the fact that this lawsuit is not about Michael Brown at all.
It has nothing to do with Michael Brown.
Listen to what she said.
If you've noticed, Michael Brown has basically disappeared.
The discourse has completely changed the elites' media that made Michael Brown the cause of Black Lives Matter, hands up, don't shoot.
He's gone because the Justice Department, to its credit, absolutely eviscerated the argument that he was shot in cold blood by Darren Wilson.
And that he had his hands up and that he said, don't shoot.
It was outright lie.
This counts as a world-famous hoax.
Holder, however, to his discredit, before the Michael Brown clearance came out, said he wanted to, as another part of his legacy, change the standards in civil rights cases, implying that, well, the problem with the Michael Brown shooting was that the standard for finding a civil rights violation is too high.
That's ludicrous.
Okay, so this is the way this continually works.
That's Heather McDonald from City Journal talking to my pal Steve Malsberg on his excellent show, by the way, on Newsmax.
And the way this works is an incident takes place.
Michael Brown gets shot.
Completely solid shooting.
It's been investigated every which way.
Barack Obama and then Attorney General Eric Holder make a big fuss.
Oh my God, you know, you just have to look.
The cop's face is white.
The kid's face is black.
The kid was 500 pounds and charging a cop and trying to take his gun away.
But never mind.
He was an unarmed black teen.
An unarmed black teen.
They still report it this way.
Unarmed black teen.
Who goes around shooting an unarmed teen?
What kind of murderous police officers, psycho-police officers does that?
So this thing has been investigated, including by the Justice Department, found that nothing was wrong.
And not only that, they found that the people who were willing to testify that nothing was wrong were scared out of their wits because they were afraid they'd be killed in their own neighborhoods if they came out and say, yeah, I saw it, and the cop was in the right.
Okay, so they're not even getting all the testimony they need, but they still found.
But they use that as a pretext to then go in and investigate the city and to lean on them and basically intimidate them into letting the feds come in and oversee them.
And when Ferguson refused to do that, they sued.
This happened in Seattle, too.
Seattle now, crime in Seattle has gone through the roof.
In 2012, I think it was, the feds came in to oversee Seattle, and now crime is so bad that people are renting their own security forces to take care of their homes.
Now, of course, most of this crime, when crime skyrockets, who gets nailed?
Who gets nailed?
Poor people, black people.
So this, every time they do this.
Andrew C. McCarthy, great, one of the terrific writers around, he was a former federal prosecutor.
He put the blind chic behind prison after the first World Trade Center bombing.
He explained all this.
He says, this thing is just a pretext for unleashing Justice Department community organizers on state and municipal police departments.
Here is how the game works, says Andrew McCarthy.
Holder streams in behind a tragedy that Sharpton and Obama have demagogued.
He announces a civil rights investigation.
Eventually, he backs down from the threat of an indictment because nothing's wrong, right?
So he backs down from that.
But the Attorney General is pleased to add that the original civil rights probe of the non-crime has metastasized into a thoroughgoing civil rights probe of the state or local police departments training practices and drumroll institutional racism.
Okay, this is exactly what happened in Ferguson.
This is before this happened, right?
McCarthy is now writing about Seattle.
He's not writing about Ferguson.
He says, you never get to see what that investigation turns up.
We never find out what's wrong with the police department.
States and their subdivisions know they cannot afford to go toe-to-toe with the Justice Department.
Big cities, moreover, are governed by Democrats, sympathetic to the race obsession.
Okay, so they think they feel that cities are bastions of racism.
Now, the federal government is going in, and every cop is going to have a Fed looking over his shoulder telling him that he's got to police in accordance with left-wing principles.
Crime skyrockets.
Who gets screwed?
The black guys.
I have to tell you, from slavery to the KKK to Jim Crow to the great society, which gutted black families, to the Obama administration, the Democrat Party is the worst thing that ever happened to black people.
The worst thing that ever happened to black people.
And now they're going to say, vote for us.
Save me.
Save me, black people.
You're my only hope.
You know, it's Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders courting this con man, Al Sharpton.
It's really a despicable thing.
And when blacks, the day that blacks wake up and stop is the end of the Democrat Party.
Let it come soon.
All right, that's enough politics.
Artful Dodge Drive00:03:02
Valentine's Day is coming.
Let us talk about love.
I have this book coming out.
It is coming out in September.
It's called The Great Good Thing.
And please go online, go on Amazon or Barnes Noble, and pre-order The Great Good Thing.
It is one of the best books I ever wrote, if not the best.
It's a memoir of how I came to believe in God and how I became a Christian.
And the other day, you know, there's a lot of processes you have to go through with a book.
You have to do all kinds of edits.
And I was doing the final edit on it, at the end of which you have to put in the acknowledgements.
And at the end of the edit, I realized that this entire book about God is also a love letter to my wife.
And I thought, like, that makes perfect sense because it really is, I've had this extraordinary marriage.
And one of the reasons I don't judge other people's marriages is because I have nothing to do with it.
It was an absolute gift of God.
I mean, it was just, you know how I met my wife?
Have I told this story yet?
All right.
Here's how I met my wife.
I was in college at Berkeley.
And I didn't really like living in Berkeley.
So after the first year, I moved into San Francisco.
So I lived in San Francisco.
I drive across the Bay Bridge to Berkeley.
I had this old jalopy we called the Artful Dodge.
It was a Dodge dart, and we called it the Artful Dodge.
And a friend of mine let me park it in his garage.
One day I'm walking back from class.
I'm walking back from class.
And I look across the street, and one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen is hitchhiking, standing there with her thumb out.
And I thought, I remember the words that went through my mind were, look at that gorgeous Amazon, because she was 5'11.
I mean, I'm 5'11.
She was just the same height as me.
So I just thought, like, look at this gorgeous Amazon.
And I realized she's standing there hitchhiking, and I'm not in my car, you know?
So I tear up the street, and I jump in the car.
The Artful Dodge never once started on the first turn of the key.
This time, roars to life.
Like a hot rod.
And I come dripping out of this, you know, pulled up and screeching, do a donut turn, come out the garage entrance.
And of course, it's a one-way grid.
I can't get to her.
She's on my right and the car's left.
So I just like jam the gas pedal down.
I'm in a residential area 50 miles an hour.
To this day, to this day, I remember this old woman who is standing trying to cross the street with a bag, a shopping bag on her wrist, looking with absolute horror at this Dodge dart and screaming at her at 50 miles an hour.
I come around the corner, I go around, and I get there, and there's one guy between me and her.
And I'm praying for this guy to have like a brain aneurysm.
I'm just thinking, do not, you know, because who would drive by her?
She's sitting there.
I mean, she looked like a magazine model.
And I think like, who's going to drive by her?
I couldn't believe she was still standing there.
Guy drives right by her.
So I pull up.
And of course, would you care to have a lift, my dear?
So I drove her home.
She invited me inside.
We sat and talked for three hours.
Literally, the moment she sat down in the car, the moment she sat down in the car, I thought, oh, this is over.
This is done.
It was like finding a little puzzle piece.
Lewis and Stuff00:11:34
It wasn't like music and stuff like that.
It was just like, click.
I knew it.
And we have been, I've said this before, we have been married now, God knows how many years.
I'm not allowed to say, I think, but it's many decades.
We've had one argument in all that time.
About 30 years ago, we had a quick spat.
It happened in a time of great tension and all this stuff.
And so that's a gift from God.
And one of the things that happens if you are in a relationship like that, and if you're in a relationship where there really is this steady aura of love and romance, which has just been remarkable, and you see that it's not happening around you and so many marriages are falling apart, you start to realize that the love does not come from within.
It comes from without.
It's being given to you and coming through you.
And that's something that goes against all the philosophy of the modern world.
Valentine's Day began.
The first reference to Valentine's Day as a romantic holiday.
It was obviously a Saints' Day, St. Valentine's, but the first reference to it as a romantic holiday is in Chaucer, Jeffrey Chaucer, who is the first great writer in English.
You'd have to read him in translation today because he was writing in old English, but he wrote The Canterbury Tales, classic work of English literature, hilariously funny.
If you ever want to read it, you have to read it in translation, but still, he's the 14th century, and he made a reference to this.
And it's considered to be part of this medieval idea of courtly love.
And the medieval idea of courtly love was kind of, it was kind of like adultery.
It was like, you know, Lancelot and Guinevere.
That was courtly love.
You fell in love with somebody, and usually the love remained chaste.
You know, you had your marriage, you had sex with your wife, you had children with your wife, but you fell in love with somebody else's wife, usually, and because you put her on a pedestal, you didn't touch her.
It was kind of Tristan and Izzolt was the other one of the famous knightly tales of courtly love, and they slept together with a sword between them so as not to sin.
And that was kind of this idea.
And a lot of people think, well, this shows what a bad institution marriage was because you got married for family reasons and for to continue the line in a certain noble way and all this, but you had to find love elsewhere.
But really what it was, was it was people working out the ramifications of the fact that sex and marriage and love are three different things.
And it takes a certain amount of effort to sort of turn the lens and focus so that they all become one thing.
And it took centuries before people even thought that that should happen, that people even thought that really, you know, you can get that love, you know, and marriage and sex into one package.
You know, that idea, it doesn't feel natural, and it's probably not natural.
It's probably not physically natural.
Late, as the Middle Ages were ending, as really the Romantic era was beginning, something happened that C.S. Lewis has called the great movement of internalization.
And it was when spiritual things were redefined as psychological things.
So in other words, the love that you felt, the ecstasy, the spirituality, and all the stuff that was once thought to come down on you from above, was suddenly thought to come out of you from within.
And so love was not something that was channeling the love of God.
It was something that came out of you.
And of course, as the world became more scientific and more materialist, there became materialist explanations for where that love came from.
And so where did it come from?
It came from sex.
And that's how you get to ideas like Freud, where every emotion you experience, every idea that you have, every attitude that you have somehow is generated by your erotic feelings.
And people think that Freud is gone.
People think that Freud is now outdated.
But in fact, he's only been translated into this new evolutionary biology.
And they say, you know, oh, you like women who have a certain look that tells you, that telegraphs to you that they're healthy, that they can bear young.
You know, you see these things, I'm sure, in magazines and online all the time.
You know, whoa, we like symmetrical faces because it says health.
To me, those are all just so stories.
There's absolutely no proof of them, not one shred of evidence.
While Freud, almost at the same time Freud was developing his theory, C.S. Lewis, the other great mind, I think the greatest philosophical mind of the 20th century, was having a totally different experience.
There's this really interesting book called The Question of God by a Harvard psychiatrist named Armand Nicoli, okay, where he compares the life of C.S. Lewis to the life of Sigmund Freud.
And what happened with C.S. Lewis is he decided, I'm a Christian, I have to be chaste unless I'm married.
And he spent his time just avoiding, like he would avoid female students so he wouldn't have any lustful experiences.
And so he went the other way from Freud.
Freud, according to this book, The Question of God, had a very limited sex life.
He didn't have sex with anybody until he got married.
When he got married, they had sex for a few years and then stopped.
So out of his 80 years, he had about nine-year sex life with his wife, and that was it.
So here's this guy who was the great priest of sex, sex, sex, everything is in sex.
His sex life was kind of stinky, you know, it wasn't a great sex life.
Here's C.S. Lewis, who spends his life chaste, okay, believing that God wants you only to have sex within marriage and not to have sex if you're not in marriage.
When he's 60, when he's 60, a Jewish atheist communist from America named Joy Davidson, who has had a conversion experience, she's in this terrible marriage, and she's had a conversion experience, and she starts corresponding with Lewis.
And she finally comes over with her two children to be with him, and they become very close friends.
They have lots of things in common.
They have this intellectual, you know, sympotico, they're intellectually sympotico.
And at some point, the British government says to her, you've got to leave.
We're throwing you out.
Your visa is canceled because probably she was a radical at some point, so they wanted her gone.
And C.S. Lewis says, I'll tell you what, because you're a divorcee, I can't marry you.
But I'll marry you in a civil ceremony, and then you'll be my wife according to the law, and you can stay.
We can't sleep together because it's not a religious ceremony, but you can stay.
So they did that, and she stays, and then she comes down with terminal cancer.
She's dying.
She's in bed, she's dying.
And Lewis at this point is in love with her, and he says, I've got to do something about it.
And he has her marriage annulled.
And it's very complicated.
He has a friend do it, but finally it works, and they get married.
And this very moving thing happens.
C.S. Lewis lost his faith as a boy because his mother died, and he prayed, and she died anyway.
And he said the thing hadn't worked, he said, of the prayer.
So he lost his faith in God.
His wife now, who is now fully his wife, is lying on her deathbed.
She's weeks away from death, and the doctors give her no chance at all.
He brings in a priest to pray over her and she gets better.
It's a miracle.
I mean, she just gets better.
They have now three and a half years of marriage.
And remember, Lewis is 60s, in his 60s now.
And apparently, it's a sex fest.
I mean, according to their letters, they're just screwing each other blind.
And he has this blissful three years of just going at it with this woman who is now his heart and soul and intellectually compatible with him and all this stuff.
And it really is an example of the fact that if you go after things directly, you usually wind up in a pit.
It's like this thing, if you give up yourself, you find yourself.
If you lose your life, you find yourself.
You find your life.
And the quote that I used yesterday just applies to Valentine's Day, seeking first the kingdom of God and all these other things will be given unto you.
And that goes against everything.
This philosophy that has left boys and girls getting drunk every weekend and screwing each other blind.
This philosophy did not fall out of the sky.
It is a real philosophy that has developed over the course of Western history, and it just happens to be completely wrong.
And so you have to go back and you have to think your way through it yourself.
You know, this is one of the problems with an education that leaves you ignorant: you don't know why you're doing the things you do.
You don't know why you wound up drunk on beer out of a red cup with a guy you don't even like.
You don't know why that happened.
It happened because of things that people were thinking in the 18th century that have now been handed down to you and taught to you so that you think, you think you're a piece of clay when really what you are is a spirit in a clay jar.
All right, that's my sermon for Valentine's Day.
All right.
The final Valentine's.
You know, I have to take one moment to talk about, to do a Ben Shapiro here and do stuff I hate.
Okay, one thing that I just hate about Valentine's Day, and I mentioned it in my opening, is I hate these commercials that suggest that if you buy your girlfriend just the right thing, she's going to sleep with you.
I hate these commercials.
I mean, they have the teddy bear and the pajamas and the flowers, and they all have the same thing.
He gives the gift to the woman.
She throws herself into his arms and he turns to the camera and he winks.
And just gag me.
I mean, just gag me.
If that's your relationship, folks, it ain't Valentine's Day.
It's something, it's some other day, okay?
It's just awful.
So that's stuff I hate.
But final Valentine's stuff I like.
I saw, you know, I kept asking myself, are there no new songs that have the kind of romance that I think is really, really romantic?
I've got to find a new song.
And I was looking, I kind of came close.
There's that Michael Boublé song, I like, you're my everything, you know, and all this.
But the fact is, no, the great love songs were all written in the 40s and 50s.
However, however, one sort of modern, you know, he's now getting kind of ancient.
But Rod Stewart did a number of albums.
He did three of them, I think, of the American Songbook.
And somebody gave them to me, knowing that I like the American Songbook.
Somebody gave me the first one as a present.
I thought, God, Rod Stewart.
I'm not a big Rod Stewart fan.
They're really good.
They really are good.
And here he is singing a wonderful song, Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields.
The way you look tonight is just romantic.
Listen to the lyrics, as always.
And what we're going to do, John, is play it and then come back and we'll just play it for a minute.
So listen to the last Valentine's stuff I like, The Way You Look Tonight.
Someday, when I'm awfully lonely, when the world is cold, I will feel aglorous thinking of you and the way you look tonight.
Kiss your love with your eyes so warm and your lips so soft.
There is nothing for me but to love you and the way you look tonight with each word.
Your tenderness gross, tearing my fears apart.
And last, my favorite line of the song is the next line: the laugh that wrinkles your nose, touches my foolish heart.
The laugh that wrinkles your nose.
All right, folks, happy Valentine's Day.
Neil Desperandum, don't despair.
We'll be back again Monday and explain everything, everything that happened.